View Full Version : SCJ movie review

12-25-2003, 02:53 PM
around this time of the year, i get to catch up on some movie watching. as you can see, i really have a lot of catching up to do. in any case, here's a review.

Directed by Wayne Wang

the plot: dotcommer PL pays his regular stripper 10K to accompany him to LV before he cashes in on the big IPO payday.

the stripper: she has a lithe dancer's body (a real dancer's body and not a stripper's body). a good waist to leg ratio with long legs and perky breasts. overall, it's slightly higher than average,IMHO. unfortunately, the movie didn't have a really good ass shot. in any case, she's a stripper with a major sense of entitlement who believes all that "it's just a fantasy" crap you hear from strippers. it's too bad she didn't take her own advice.

the dotcommer: this guy must be part of the new breed of environmentally modified fuckoe. unlike a normal fuckoe, who pays a girl to dance and talk for hours at a time. this new breed mostly pays her to talk with the occasional dance. however, the dancing mostly consists of cuddling, foot and back massages for the dancer and sharing his feelings. this guy is a totally different breed of fuckoe. he is an überfuckoe.

oh, he may look like you or i. he walks and speaks the same language as you and i. however, much like a Canadian, something isn't quite right about him and therein lies the danger. from childhood, he is raised by a mother who's still angry at dad for running off with the hot young aerobic instructor. mom is in revenge mode and looking for a trophy to hang on her wall. unfortunately, for little timmy. she picks the closest pair in her reach. this future fuckoe is subjected to a steady diet of Oprah, soy products, boy bands, Pilates, psychotropic drugs (e.g. Ritalin) and male bonding trips to the spa with his fellow überfuckoes (highlights and pedicures all around, Serigo). as a result, he is sensitive, yielding, nurturing, and warmly compassionate. he may not be able to tell the difference between a breast and a football, but when he asks a stripper,"how is your day going?", he's genuinely interested!

the club where she works: typical sc marketing. on the surface, it looked like one of those sc that gives you the impression that it's a high class joint. in reality, all the girls are in private booths giving really good mileage.

movie highlight-#1: THE FUCKOE'S GUIDE ON HOW TO PICK-UP A STRIPPER: or what happens when you mix one part fuckoe with one part stripper mentality.

the dotcommer: i want you to come to vegas with me.

the stripper: (glancing disdainfully at the dotcomer while sipping her coffee) i don't date customers.

the dotcommer: i'll give you 10,000 dollars.

the stripper: (spitting up her coffee) gasp..choke..wheeze..choke! 10,000 dollars? well! why didn't you say so the first time. i'll go with you, but i have a couple of rules. No fingering, No DFK, No BBBJ, No FS and i only work for 4 hours a night.

the dotcommer: does that mean i have to DATY?

the stripper: ummmmm....no.

the dotcommer: great. i'm not interested in that stuff. i'm a nice guy. i much rather get to know you as a person. i find that much more emotionally and physically fulfilling than sex. especially, since it allows me to delude myself to the fact, that i really want to bang you silly on the dinner table.

movie highlight-#2: i had briefly fallen asleep while watching this turkey. when i awoke. i heard the sounds of moaning from the tv. what do i see? the dot-comer laying face down on the bed while the stripper is sticking something (a dildo perhaps) up his ass. you know what? it made perfect sense for the character. it was really was no surprise. the only way the director could improve the scene is to give the stripper a strap-on. i went back to sleep.

movie highlight-#3: at this point the movie started to get interesting. i even stopped talking on the phone and counting the kernels of my popcorn. the stripper goes to visit an old friend who lives in vegas. this friend is played by the sexy Carla Gugino (i like her). while visiting the friend, the stripper notices some chemistry between the dotcommer and her friend. she gets a bit jealous. i have no idea why she would be jealous. actually, i do. the friend is blowing the stripper out of the water on the hotness scale. still, one would think that she would have realized by now, that even if the friend stripped buck-naked in front of the dotcommer. he would probably avert his eyes and helpfully advise her on the importance of sunscreen.

movie highlight-#4: later in the movie, the friend arrives at the stripper's suite in a distraught state with a few bruises. the dotcommer (in a adjoining suite) hears the commotion and enters the room just in time to hear her side of the story. in short, the friend was hooking up with a regular of hers. the regular gets pissed about the quality of the sex and hits her. she needs money to hide out for a couple of days and she's broke. however, a lack of cash can never stop a stripper for long because....."never fear, überfuckoe is here. i'll give you some money," says the dotcommer.

while the dotcommer is busy transferring money between accounts on his computer. the friend and the stripper wait in the next room. the friend is still upset and needs a little TLC. it turns out that these women are not only old friends, but very close friends as well. the friend instigates a heavy make out session with the stripper ( did i mention, that i really like the friend?). the dotcommer returns to the room and finds to the two very close friends engaging in some DFK. "hmmmmm...what should i do?", thinks the frightened dotcommer as he contemplates his choices.

(A)sit & watch quitely in the room and let nature take it's course.
(B)after setting up the digital camera and a tripod mounted camcorder. sit & watch quitely in the room. let nature take it's course and hopefully get some really good POV shots.
(C)interrupt them because i find this uncomfortable and damaging to my self-esteem.

after the dotcommer interrupts the couple by throwing a bucket of ice water on the ladies. he informs the friend that she now has 2,000 dollars in the bank. the friend who firmly believes in the old adage, " if you scratch my back, by the time i'm done scratching yours. i'll have turned your filberts into two empty husks" (or something along those lines), decides to return the favor. "you know, dotcommer. you don't have to just watch us," says the friend in a sultry dulcet tone. it takes the innocent dotcommer about 30 minutes to digest the very complex innuendo of that statement. in the meantime, the friend orders out for pizza. finally, he gets the hint and blushes as a result. "oh no, i couldn't do that. that would be wrong, but you're a really nice person", says the dotcommer.

the stripper sees the exchange and gets jealous. she hops up on her moral high horse and tells the friend, "you got the money. you don't have to fuck him. you're such a slut." "at least i'm not a ROB.",replies the friend. "i remember when you were honest enough to put out, when a guy gave you money. save the goody two-shoes act for this fuckoe. he may believe it, but i know better." says the friend. sigh....i really like her. she could be my future ex-wife. the rest of the movie isn't worth mentioning. it has the typical hollywod ending where everything is tied up in a pretty knot. the main characters learn a life lesson and become better people by overcoming their obstacles and the audience doesn't have to think too hard.

the verdict: only worth watching for Carla Gugino. i did mention that i liked her, right?

12-25-2003, 05:04 PM
Bravo Mr_Punk…. :yay: Great review… Siskiel & Ebert :thumbsdown: :thumbsup: have nothing on you, Oh wait, I think Siskiel is dead… Oh well, Ebert has nothing on you LMAO

12-28-2003, 08:13 PM
Well, I liked Molly Parker.... :)

12-29-2003, 08:18 AM
Mr P

Great Review - LMAO.

Also got me thinking about the deeper meaning of being a PL and the pitiful nice guy.

2004 resolution - forget the nice guy shit. I'm the customer (judging by the fact that my bank account is getting smaller while her's is getting bigger) I should be worried about what makes me happy at the SC not whether I'm being considerate, caring, kind, cheerful, loyal, clean ..... wait a minute that's for the boy scouts.

Besides being a nice guy gets frustrating when your favorite takes you for granted because you will be there when she gets finished with the other customers.
(Just a minor vent from a bad SC visit last night).

Thanks for the review, does that come in DVD? LOL.

12-29-2003, 08:20 AM
Well, I liked Molly Parker.... :)


I don't know who she is but judging by the pics, I like Molly Parker too!

12-29-2003, 08:47 AM
Yeah, I made the mistake of renting this gobbler and didn't care much for it. Apparently the folks at rottentomatoes.com (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/TheCenteroftheWorld-1107139/reviews.php) thought it blew chunks too.

Punk's review was far more entertaining than the movie. Don't let that pic of Molly Parker giving a lap dance fool you. I'd only recommend this flick if you have insomnia and no Ny-quil available.

12-29-2003, 09:35 AM
All right I'm confused...I thought Mr Punk was laying out a great story...is this a real movie?...are these pics from this movie?...or am I being very gullible?

OK color me naive.

12-29-2003, 02:55 PM
Yeah, skip that one and go see Bad Santa. Not much socially redeeming value, but very funny.

12-29-2003, 03:13 PM
Yeah, skip that one and go see Bad Santa. Not much socially redeeming value, but very funny.

Yes go see Bad Santa, starring Merly_lurking.
I'll let you decide which one he is ... Santa or the Elf LMAO

12-29-2003, 03:14 PM

Yeah, the movie is real, the pics are from the movie, and the general consensus is that the movie wasn't very good. Anyways, I *still* like Molly Parker. :heartbeat:

Here's a promotional pic for the movie (someone else, I guess)

Here's a review http://www.suntimes.com/ebert/ebert_reviews/2001/05/050401.html

Jay Zeno
12-29-2003, 09:17 PM
Ebert seems to have liked it. However, one part of his review stuck out:

"They bring together men who have too much money and no interest in relationships with women who have too little money and no interest in relationships."


03-07-2004, 12:48 PM
This thread has been dead for a while so I thought Id toss something in.

I dont go to the movies that often (I wait for them to come out on DVD) but I did go awhile back to see The Return of the King. Im not really a Tolkein junkie but Ive seen all three in the series. It was well worth the price (OK...Ok...I went to the matinee and saved a few bucks LOL)

Saw Hidalgo (spelling may be incorrect) We went the other night with some friends. I was skeptical but the movie turned out to be excellent. The dude that played the young king in LOTR played the lead part but I have to say his horse stole the show. If you see the movie I think you will agree.


03-07-2004, 08:46 PM
I recently saw Peter Pan, an innovative version of the classic story. According to my ATF former dancer, THE question is whether you thought Peter should have stayed with Wendy or Wendy should have gone back with Peter. We both chose the latter, but I wanted to get her some Nike shoes and apparel before she went back.

03-07-2004, 10:01 PM
"American Wedding" is now on DVD, they added some extra scene's to the bachelor party scene, Nikki Ziering is really hot in that scene ;D, pretty funny movie also. Much better than "Starsky and Hutch" which I saw today, that one had a few chuckles but nothing memorable.

03-13-2004, 03:40 PM
LOL... I don't think Mr. P intended this to be an ongoing movie review. I posted a trhead for reviews long before the new format. Chuck, where are ya when we need ya? LOL.

Watched Coyote Ugly again for the first time since my SC career began. :D "Always appear available but never be available." And "Never bring your bf into my bar." rang a few bells. LOL. Is "Coyote Ugly" just a "Bikini" bar in disguise? Just wondering...