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View Full Version : Boyfriend won't let me Dance-in Austin



Katrine
04-14-2004, 10:45 PM
I need advice, I am posting this on both boards because I want a well-rounded perspective:

I want to go work at Palazio soon. Austin money isn't as good as Houston, but its still a convenient way to make at least $200-300 a night minimum, and the mileage is not high. Plus, I could bank there 'cause the girls seem lazy and not that hot. Well, when I told my man, he "flipped" in his own passive-aggressive way....

Like all my boyfriends, he does not want me stripping at all but he tolerates it because he knows I have to make "ends meet." Of course, he almost shat himself when I told him how much I owe the IRS in Q1 alone!! I'm not scraping by, I just like to strip and I wanna make money while my start-up business is not yet turning a profit. I don't always want to drive to Houston and pay for a hotel or deal with staying with my family, and I know a ton of Austin guys who are big spenders!!

He unequivocably does not approve and is not going to change his mind. He says I should not "dance in the same city that I work." My questions is, should I go ahead and dance there anyway? He doesn't go to SC's, and neither do his friends (trust me on this one, his friends are cheap bastards.) The likelihood of him finding out is slim, and I'd only want to be there like 2-3 days a week, maybe less.....

We've been together almost 2 years and we do not live together. What should I do??

Sinceraly, Kat with a Dilemna ???

money
04-15-2004, 06:22 AM
First off, I can guarantee you, he WILL find out. Men gossip more than women, and somehow some way, it will get back to him! Trust me on that one! Secondly, if you wanna do it, do it! You cannot live your life being told what to do, especially if you arent married. Third, if he gives you a hard time, ditch him! You do not need more drama. You are a dancer and you have enough drama!

Moneywise
04-15-2004, 06:37 AM
Kat,

You aren't married. Follow your heart. Your true feelings rest inside of you. If you feel within your heart that working in Austin is most beneficial to your future then follow that hunch. You'll know whether or not he's the real deal after you've made your own decision. As harsh as it may sound, it truly is best to find these things out before tying the proverbial knot. :-\

I wish you the best. ;)

MW

SportsWriter2
04-15-2004, 09:20 AM
It's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. If you know how to compartmentalize your life, he won't find out for a while. And even when he pretty much figures it out out, he might prefer to play "don't ask, don't tell."... If I were a dancer, I'd live at least 40 miles away from my club. And I'd do privates at least 20 miles in the other direction.

LauraLove
04-15-2004, 09:52 AM
Kat you seem like a strong willed woman and if dancing in Austin is what you want then I agree with MoneyWise - follow your instincts.

I'd suggest talking with your boyfriend again and go down the list of postive and negatives from both your perspectives on paper and maybe he will come around and see that driving to Houston may not be the best choice for you all the time.

I do not suggest lying about it. He will sense that your hiding something and lose trust in you. A relationship without trust is a pointless one . Think of it like this - would you want him to sneak around and lie to you ? I doubt it. So I really don't think it's a good idea to hide it if you start working in Austin .

Best of luck to you in whatever path you choose !

doc-catfish
04-15-2004, 11:09 AM
He says I should not "dance in the same city that I work." My questions is, should I go ahead and dance there anyway?


Kat, if where you dance seems to be where he's drawing the line, you might want to ask him of all questions why. I'm particularly bewildered why he's objecting to this considering that you would be moving to a lower mileage establishment.

Is he fearful that a friend or family member of his is going to see you? Or concerned that some deranged nut is going to follow you home? Or that it could hurt your post-dancer life if word got around? Considering that he knows you dance already, talking it over might be a better option than trying to hide it from him.

And yes, if you think it would be in your best interest, go ahead and do it.
:yes:

LauraLove
04-15-2004, 12:47 PM
He says I should not "dance in the same city that I work." My questions is, should I go ahead and dance there anyway?


Kat, if where you dance seems to be where he's drawing the line, you might want to ask him of all questions why. I'm particularly bewildered why he's objecting to this considering that you would be moving to a lower mileage establishment.

I questioned this too but chose not to bring it up but since Doc did I'll comment.

Most men, well people, are jealous to some extent. You could use the lower mileage as a selling point BUT this could also backfire as bringing up contact can wake the beast (so to speak) in a man. This area I find more than any other part of dancing is what guys tend to really try to "not think about." And if you change your mind and want to work mostly Houston again it could bug him.... I'd stay with the whole pros/cons of each city. Make your case on logic and he'll have a harder time objecting

Katrine
04-15-2004, 01:05 PM
Laura is right. I don't discuss mileage with my guy. He's been a bouncer at Sugar's a medium-grope place locally, he knows what's up....

Indicentally, he did not tell me right off the bat, "No" when I expressed interest in working at this place, but I knew he didn't want it because he gets passive-aggressive in his voice. I am far more confrontational in that I don't want him holding in what he thinks so that he is full of hate and anger later like some little girl.....

We have talked about it, otherwise it would not be an issue. I would just keep doing it like I do everything else without him knowing...

Ok, he's coming over now and we are going to lunch. I have like 1.5 week to resolve this.....thanks for the help....

More! More!

wait2play
04-15-2004, 02:08 PM
I have to agree with the consensus here, which is do it. You'd be setting a bad precedent for a long term realtionship if you don't

Katrine
04-15-2004, 02:21 PM
So we just had lunch at the consistently awful Mexican place that's 50 ft from my house because he only gets 1 hour lunch break, and can use his discount card so he can get 2 entrees for price of one (no appetizers allowed, too much time and $$)

So whoever called it was right....his philosophy with my dancing is "out of site out of mind." He does not want some dude coming up to him here in Austin and bragging, "Dude, I dry humped your girlfriend for $20."

So its jealousy, embarassment, the whole lot. The thing is, this guy is like a blonde version of the Rock, he is MASSIVE. All my guy friends are terrified of him. No one talks shit to this guy....

So there it is, all out in the open. He isn't worried about my business career in Austin, or at least it wasn't mentioned.

Wow, venting about this makes me realize just how pissed off I am........but its better than being single and throwing myself onto every passing man for a t-shirt like my girl Ms J....

Oh, meow n stuff! :toldoff:

NVJosh
04-15-2004, 02:58 PM
Damn...shouldn't you be whining about this on the pink site so a zillion dancers can say "You go, girl! Men suck anyway!"

I basically agree with Jay and DC...either he trusts you or he doesn't. Either he can handle what goes on in clubs or he can't. Either he respects you or he doesn't. Based on the "out of sight, out of mind" comment, I'm not sure he does. Like you said, he knows what goes on in his club, and it seems at some level he doesn't like that the same things happen with you. Perhaps he doesn't see it as just your job, its a way you satisfy certain urges, therefore he's somehow lacking.

Maybe its time to look for someone more secure...or at least take a trip to LV to clear your head. :)

Katrine
04-15-2004, 03:30 PM
But I already DID my taxes AND lost all my dough Joshie, why would I come to Vegas now, hahahaha!!!

On a more realistic note, we don't have sex very often, so I'm sure he isn't too pleased with me wasting my chi away on some paying stranger. When we do, its fantastic and all, but the different schedule thing is throwing off the times that either of us are horny....

I guess I'll just put it off for another week and see what happens.......

fishnet
04-15-2004, 06:08 PM
Kat, if he's been a bouncer, he should know about Houston. Does he really want you working in a club there with private rooms and the majority of men expecting sex? He should be happy you want to work in Austin. If he is as big as you say I'm sure he'll never hear a peep. Besides, if you aren't commuting your schedules would match up better and it should spice up the sex life. My vote is for Austin. He knew your occupation when you met. He needs to chill. ;)

Katrine
04-15-2004, 08:48 PM
When we met, he knew me to be a frazzled business student/developer/weekend stripper....now that I'm tired and stressed out starting this business, he is very proud of me again, he doesn't like me slacking, ie partying....

There is definately a huge "you're better than this" element. But 've thought long and hard for years about this. Sexual work suits me and my personality, even if I don't do it full-time. But times a wastin, I am 27, and I look better than ever, but I'm not going to look good forever on this steady diet of tequila, tanning, cigs, chilidogs, lack of sleep, and party favors...I want to maximize my profit and have fun now.........

It feels weird to explain that to him. After all, who wants to have to tell their mama that their girlfriend rubs against 40 new dicks a night and works around 80% functionaly illiterate people.....that's just not MY perspective...

Katrine
04-15-2004, 08:50 PM
Oh, and he doesn't know what goes on in Houston per say, he's not into the strip community, he just worked the door for extra money at a SC.

We had a huge fight once and I had alluded to doing a few privates before, I was really cross, and usually don't say regrettable things....but his view on my stripping totally plummeted after that....ignorance truly IS bliss, huh boys?

mr_punk
04-16-2004, 06:51 PM
When we met, he knew me to be a frazzled business student/developer/weekend stripper....now that I'm tired and stressed out starting this business, he is very proud of me again, he doesn't like me slacking, ie partying....IOW, he is supportive and only has your best interests at heart? that evil bastard. how could he do that to you? :)


Sexual work suits me and my personality, even if I don't do it full-time. But times a wastin, I am 27, and I look better than ever, but I'm not going to look good forever on this steady diet of tequila, tanning, cigs, chilidogs, lack of sleep, and party favors..I want to maximize my profit and have fun now.........

It feels weird to explain that to him. so, he really has no idea the about the depths of your flakiness? tell him. what are you afraid of..... besides possibly scaring him to death? of course, you could avoid that awkward situation by finding a more suitable BF. i suggest a unemployed musician or a mob hitman.


We had a huge fight once and I had alluded to doing a few privates before, I was really cross, and usually don't say regrettable things....but his view on my stripping totally plummeted after that....uh oh...that's how it usually starts. trust me. i know these things. in any case, whatever you decide to do. make sure you can live with the fallout from your decision.


ignorance truly IS bliss, huh boys?yes, it is. i learned that lesson the hard way.

yoda57us
04-17-2004, 06:46 AM
If you do it without telling him he WILL find out and be a lot more hurt than if you tell him upfront that you are going to do it with or without his approval. I don't know how serious you are about this guy but, if you cave on this, longterm, it will cause resentment to build up between the two of you. That is never healthy.

Katrine
04-17-2004, 08:27 AM
I'll respond when I've had some sleep......

ravenisfun
04-29-2004, 07:04 PM
Agreed. Honesty is the best policy. If you choose a route that avoids conflict solely on the basis of avoiding conflict, it ultimately catches up with you.
The best thing is to draw the line now.
"This is what I want to do". Husbands SHOULD be supportive of their wives in their endeavors. Strip dance is no different. My husband knows what I want. He ADJUSTS. I know what he wants, and I ADJUST. It isnt' perfect - but its honest. I know I can trust him; he knows he can trust me. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper. Understand where your relationship is going. Understand what you want from it. The guy can be all that you want, except supportive; but I would predict failure if there's no support. Until each of you buys in for the long-haul - and that means you support HIS dreams/goals too - then you are on shifting sand. Hey - been there, done that. I'm just telling you the way it works. Lies don't go uncovered. Truth comes out, every time. Underlying every long-term relationship is "trust". To get there, ya gotta be honest - no matter how much it hurts. And that goes for men, too. Don't get caught up in the "role". Best of luck!

SportsWriter2
04-30-2004, 02:48 AM
In another thread, Katrine wants to move to another city,presumably leaving her MASSIVE boyfriend.... I think girls can get away with some hiding and careful lies, but dumb lies ruin it for everybody.

Katrine
04-30-2004, 10:06 AM
Problem has been put on hold for now. I'll be dancing in Houston next week. Its playoff season AND OTC...I should be able to pull in enough dough to not have to work for a couple of weeks while we figure out what's going to happen.......

NVJosh
04-30-2004, 12:12 PM
What's OTC?

aggieed
04-30-2004, 01:59 PM
Offshore Technology Conference...it's a Houston thing.