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View Full Version : Do you cheat ? If so how often?



SpinKitty
06-18-2004, 12:02 PM
With all the talk about cheating lately it got me to thinking : how many of you actually cheat ? I know it's a personal question so no need to id yourself if you don't want to but please give an honest answer. Thanks!

SpinKitty
06-18-2004, 01:51 PM
good point. Ok lets define it for the purpose of this poll as anything more than a grinding lapdance. Things that would be considered extras like frenchkissing, fingering, handjobs, bj's , fs, greek.

Paid for or not doesn't matter. Inside or outside the club. Dancers, hookers or civ's

Average_Dude
06-21-2004, 07:18 PM
Nope I am boreing been with the same woman sence 1991 and married her in 1993. I have never cheated not even once and have had a couple of chances but turned it down. The guilt would kill me to much. LOL hell I would tell on myself.

Casual Observer
06-21-2004, 07:33 PM
If you're in an open relationship, or have some equivalent understanding/arrangement, you don't have to worry about cheating.

Worked for me in the past, present and I hope future.

mr_punk
06-22-2004, 09:02 PM
DFK is cheating and a grinding lapdance isn't ;D? oh well. in any case, i answered your poll. however, i did chuckle to myself when looking at the given choices. i was trying to decide the relative difference between the frequency of "a lot" and "sometimes" (and "rarely" certainly didn't apply) when it comes to infidelity. i was about to pick "a lot" until it occurred to me that, i know some guys who come pretty close to seeing a different girl everyday. my point is that, a "yes" or "no" choice probably would have been the best way to go.

erotictonic
06-23-2004, 11:50 AM
DFK is cheating and a grinding lapdance isn't ;D? oh well. in any case, i answered your poll. however, i did chuckle to myself when looking at the given choices. i was trying to decide the relative difference between the frequency of "a lot" and "sometimes" (and "rarely" certainly didn't apply) when it comes to infidelity. i was about to pick "a lot" until it occurred to me that, i know some guys who come pretty close to seeing a different girl everyday. my point is that, a "yes" or "no" choice probably would have been the best way to go.


You know guys who see a different girl everyday? Are we talking escorts, dancers, or dates?

mr_punk
06-23-2004, 09:57 PM
You know guys who see a different girl everyday?i said, "guys who come pretty close to seeing a different girl everyday". i didn't mean it literally. in any case, it really shouldn't be that surprising. some guys have enormous appetites. it's no different than a guy who goes to a sc three times or more a week.


Are we talking escorts, dancers, or dates?well, civilians are always in the mix. in general, i find that most mongers pretty much stick to either escorts or strippers, but not both. of course, there are exceptions. the amount of success determines which path they choose. however, to answer your question most of them stick to escorts.

Spanky
06-24-2004, 01:17 PM
Nope I am boreing been with the same woman sence 1991 and married her in 1993. I have never cheated not even once and have had a couple of chances but turned it down. The guilt would kill me to much. LOL hell I would tell on myself.


I'm in the same boat as average dude, only add on another decade of fidelity :-\ so long as we're taking a pass on LDs, which concept I myself struggle with sometimes. But I get comfortable with the thought that I have been a very by the rules guy with no extras or accidents. :'(

aggieed
06-25-2004, 04:02 PM
You know guys who see a different girl everyday? Are we talking escorts, dancers, or dates?


I know a couple of guys like this. One "does" all three...the other, I think, pretty much just "does" escorts (just about all types...indy gals, agency gals, spa gals when available, RMT's,...just about everything except the "street" scene)and dancers. This last is my "Strip Club Idol". I really wish he had a bit more presence online because some of his exploits, I believe, are truly legendary.

Actually, now that I think about, he doesn't see girls everyday. Since he's married, he tends to take a break on the weekends. :D

Darren
06-26-2004, 03:39 PM
DFK is cheating and a grinding lapdance isn't ;D?


I agree - this is an arbitrary point on a grey scale. Really the one cheated on should be deciding what is cheating. For example, as a dancer have you ever been turned on while performing an LD on a guy? Your BF/SO might consider this to be cheating (just as a woman might consider it cheating if hubby gets a turned on while some stripper is grinding on his unit during a LD).

I also agree with Jay --- I don't think most guys that cheat are proud of it (though they may wish to talk about it in the company of non-judgemental friends). And also agree that not all people (that includes women) will be inclined to be entirely honest about their own transgressions.

FBR
06-26-2004, 04:23 PM
I also agree with Jay --- I don't think most guys that cheat are proud of it (though they may wish to talk about it in the company of non-judgemental friends). And also agree that not all people (that includes women) will be inclined to be entirely honest about their own transgressions.



I'm not proud...I struggle with it each and every time. Obviously theres something missing somewhere.

I only have one friend Ive shared a few details with. Ive know him for almost 20 yrs but I dont tell everything even to him. Hes non-judgemental but I dont want to put him in a position to have to choose sides or whatever.

This whole business of a thread asking me to analyze why I do what I do is uncomfortable. Id rather just pretend all is well 8)

FBR

Darren
06-26-2004, 05:18 PM
I also agree with Jay --- I don't think most guys that cheat are proud of it (though they may wish to talk about it in the company of non-judgemental friends). And also agree that not all people (that includes women) will be inclined to be entirely honest about their own transgressions.



I'm not proud...I struggle with it each and every time. Obviously theres something missing somewhere.

I only have one friend Ive shared a few details with. Ive know him for almost 20 yrs but I dont tell everything even to him. Hes non-judgemental but I dont want to put him in a position to have to choose sides or whatever.

This whole business of a thread asking me to analyze why I do what I do is uncomfortable. Id rather just pretend all is well 8)

FBR


Yea, understood FBR and I certainly won't judge you or your reasons... that may be something the women don't understand about guys is that even if they do cheat, and talk about it, that doesn't necessarily mean they are proud of it. Like women, men struggle with conflicting emotions, drives, and wants.

I do think both men and women struggle with monogamy to varying degrees. A lot of people have real trouble with the idea that their emotions are in conflict. They have to have everything be simple and neat and aren't comfortable with the idea that their emotions and drives pull them in conflicting ways.

I have talked with several people that have cheated and I sense varying degrees of self denial. Where one person may say you know I did it, yes it felt good, no I am not proud of it but there it is... another will develop an elaborate set of behaviors to push their SO away so that when they do cheat they don't have to feel so guilty for having done so. When you look at it like that, I'd rather talk with the former type of person. At least they are more honest with themselves about their basic motivations.

Vyanka
12-19-2004, 11:43 AM
If some of you guys are looking for what your woman doesn't have, then why even bother being in a relationship with your woman who isn't giving you what you want? What's the point in wasting each other's time like that?
I don't get it. /:O

RoseDelight
12-19-2004, 01:06 PM
If some of you guys are looking for what your woman doesn't have, then why even bother being in a relationship with your woman who isn't giving you what you want? What's the point in wasting each other's time like that?
I don't get it. /:O
I have someone that could give me everything I want but there's still something else lingering out that I'd like to dabble in as well.

One Reason why I am single now.

I have older male (30s, 40s, 50s) friends that have been married for 10 years or more. They love their wives, etc. And yet they would most likely never leave, if given the chance. But for them there's something appealing outside of their world. It's refreshing, exotic, warmth, and pleasurable.

Casual Observer
12-19-2004, 02:33 PM
If some of you guys are looking for what your woman doesn't have, then why even bother being in a relationship with your woman who isn't giving you what you want? What's the point in wasting each other's time like that?
I don't get it.

Because not every woman (or every man) is capable of providing everything and being all things to someone. Some people recognize this, and a lot more deny it.

Women don't like to hear it, but sometimes sex is just sex and it has not a damn thing to do with any kind of emotional betrayal.

RoseDelight
12-19-2004, 02:39 PM
How often do you think sex can be about emotion, CO?

Vyanka
12-19-2004, 02:59 PM
Oh, I see.

bikinigirl04
12-19-2004, 08:50 PM
Because not every woman (or every man) is capable of providing everything and being all things to someone. Some people recognize this, and a lot more deny it.i would have to say that is what commitment is. of course no one is perfect in every way. marriage(and/or "serious" relationships) is about dealing with the good and bad, sticking around when things aren't perfect.

quote:
Women don't like to hear it, but sometimes sex is just sex and it has not a damn thing to do with any kind of emotional betrayal.

it does if you are not in an open relationship. imho, the better thing to do would be to try to spice things up...
i can sort of see if you have been married so long that you don't have sex and are not getting what you need and have not been able to remedy this with your s.o. but you love them and want to be with them.
saying "sex is just sex, not emotional betrayal", this is true when both people feel that way, not just the one having sex with someone else.

CO-:hug: my:twocents:

SportsWriter2
12-19-2004, 08:58 PM
Women don't like to hear it, but sometimes sex is just sex and it has not a damn thing to do with any kind of emotional betrayal. Oh yeah. :)

And if you start to fall in love with someone else, you never ever have sex with her. Emotional betrayal is just too sad. :-[

bikinigirl04
12-19-2004, 09:56 PM
sports writer:

if you fall in love with someone else, why not be with them instead???

SonicBones
12-19-2004, 09:57 PM
I've never had trouble in the department of monogamy. In the era we live in with Aids and such I actually prefer that type of relationship. I never have been a cheater,and as naive as it might come off I can't recall being cheated on.I'll end it, or they can end the relationship if they want to be with someone else.I'd rather them or I do that then be a deceitful liar.Which is a trait I can not stand in a person.I guess I'm just attracted to woman who share the same values/ideas as me when it comes to monogamy,so it's not all that hard to make it last if you really treasure the relationship.As for keeping it fun,exciting I'm a pretty creative person as are the woman I've been involved with so we always found new ways of keeping it fresh.

bikinigirl04
12-19-2004, 10:25 PM
sonic:
:iloveyou:

Vyanka
12-20-2004, 06:56 AM
Sonic & Bikini....;) ;D

RoseDelight
12-20-2004, 11:53 AM
i would have to say that is what commitment is. of course no one is perfect in every way. marriage(and/or "serious" relationships) is about dealing with the good and bad, sticking around when things aren't perfect.

quote:
Women don't like to hear it, but sometimes sex is just sex and it has not a damn thing to do with any kind of emotional betrayal.

it does if you are not in an open relationship. imho, the better thing to do would be to try to spice things up...
i can sort of see if you have been married so long that you don't have sex and are not getting what you need and have not been able to remedy this with your s.o. but you love them and want to be with them.
saying "sex is just sex, not emotional betrayal", this is true when both people feel that way, not just the one having sex with someone else.

CO-:hug: my:twocents:
I'd be more bothered if my partner said "I love you" to someone else (while in our relationship) than if he had gone and had sex with someone else.

SonicBones
12-20-2004, 04:12 PM
I'd be more bothered if my partner said "I love you" to someone else (while in our relationship) than if he had gone and had sex with someone else.Me too. "I Love You" gets thrown around so freely that some forget it's meant too represent/ convey to that person something very special.It gets cheapened from being tossed in the air without taking into consideration what it really means. It has taken me a long time to tell someone I love them.Not for fear of it meaning I'm now committed to them. But I just don't throw it around that easy,but once said from my lips it is heartfelt.I'm a purest I suppose. I attach the meaning of the "L" word with discretion.As a kid I even went as far as to look up the word love in the dictionary.Just to get an unbiased definition. Problems can occur because everyone has a different dictionary that is used as their reference point.

RoseDelight
12-20-2004, 04:21 PM
^ Eh, Love isn't my forte. But I understand what you mean.

Casual Observer
12-20-2004, 11:11 PM
How often do you think sex can be about emotion, CO?

Not very often, frankly.

That connection transcends what sex is usually about, and that's where the emotional loyalty comes in--it's bigger than needing to tag someone because you're craving, it's remembering why you stay with that person and their committment to stick around when things aren't all rose petals and sunshine.

Not to be obstinate, but I can't understand why the concept is lost on so many. It's seems rather academic to me. But we all know I'm odd...

RoseDelight
12-20-2004, 11:20 PM
Es geschieht, Jay ;)

Interesting thought, Co.

Casual Observer
12-20-2004, 11:32 PM
Nonconformist?

Not really, just perplexed as to why this is so difficult for so many to wrap their heads around, even if they don't accept the premise as acceptable for themselves.

SonicBones
12-21-2004, 01:53 AM
Es geschieht ;)


Earschplittenloudenboomer Rose:P

Katrine
12-21-2004, 08:01 PM
I have someone that could give me everything I want but there's still something else lingering out that I'd like to dabble in as well.

One Reason why I am single now.
.
So the engagement is off? Damn girl, your life is a whirlwind! Good luck.

Me, I'm a pathetic cheater. I like things that are shiny and new.....

RoseDelight
12-21-2004, 08:06 PM
So the engagement is off? Damn girl, your life is a whirlwind! Good luck.

Me, I'm a pathetic cheater. I like things that are shiny and new.....
My love life is very strange, yes! We go back and forth a lot. Stay Tuned. :P

CuriousJ
01-20-2005, 08:20 PM
I have someone that could give me everything I want but there's still something else lingering out that I'd like to dabble in as well.

One Reason why I am single now.

I have older male (30s, 40s, 50s) friends that have been married for 10 years or more. They love their wives, etc. And yet they would most likely never leave, if given the chance. But for them there's something appealing outside of their world. It's refreshing, exotic, warmth, and pleasurable.

I agree with Rose , I am still a good husband , its a genetic defect it is overwhelming sometimes and hard to control .It seems less frequent now probably because I am just too fucking tired at the end of a long day to pursue this , I like sleep .

playstation
01-20-2005, 08:30 PM
me NEVER!..my wife gives me everything i need and then some...she bi,loves women and is looking for a girlfriend for her/us...now??..why would i cheat? lol!

suga daddy
05-13-2005, 07:27 PM
Never cheated since I have been married 4 years this july but I did a lot of speed dating before settling down with up to 3 different girls a week thanks to Yahoo personals. After the honey moon phase was over and the wife lost most interest in sex I started going into a club about a year ago. Cheating never occured to me and I was quite happy letting my little brain fantisize and it actually acted like viagra I'd go home revved up and want to put my wife over the top and did until my heart was stolen by my first stripper GF. We started out just having lunch together and talking, heavy tipping and prefering lap dances from her. On her B-day I offered to buy her the puppy she always wanted and didn't think anything about it but she started say I Love You to me and it pulled on my heart strings so hard I took it seriously. We never did much more than kiss and eventually she confessed she didn't want to be anyones other woman so I stopped trying to persue her. I did want her to find someone more compatable with her and her needs since I couldn't see myself doing sleep overs at my age and still try desperately to love my wife despite her and my short comings. If I had cheated I'm sure I would have left the wife for the GF but she could have never lived with getting me under those circumstances and I agreed I needed to put my house in order first before going around those bases. Some days I wish I'd stayed single and so does the wife she said since we moved in together she lost her hiding place from the dailys. At first I didn't know what she meant now I do. Interesting ending to the story the wife did find out about the GF when she hacked into my e-mail one night when I'd left a note saying I was working late and she discovered another woman I'd been talking to about us. She hated it and me at first but we talked through it and she fought her instinct to fly out the door and stayed. We had a bumpy first few weeks re-engaging in sex but eventually she brought her best to bed for me, first time BJ's since the honeymoon phase and uncovered a handjob talent she had never shared with me even during her cycle. I wish my 1st stripper GF the best always and will always love her even if I don't love my wife the same way. One of those true loves you only find once or twice in a lifetime and will never forget but I remain faithful to the one I settled down with to this day unless the ocasional lap dance is being unfaithful then I'm SOL.:-\ Helplessly addicted to strip clubbing now willing to risk losing the happy home and wife for it I'm just more careful what I think about when in the wifes presents she has that intuition radar on max setting and can pick up alot.

xdamage
05-17-2005, 05:37 AM
I think about it a lot. I've come close a few times and put a stop to it. Damn, fucking feelings of guilt and oh what the hell, I love her too much to do something that would hurt her badly. She has cheated, she regrets it, or so she says anyway. Sometimes that leaves me feeling like well fuck it, I may as well do it too, but then I decided that's the way little boys deal with issues. I decided I wouldn't let what someone elses does control what I do, I wouldn't make someone else responsible for what I do, I won't make someone else responsible for my happiness. So I take responsibility for me so if I cheat, or think about it, or dabble in it, well thats my choice, not because of something she did, but its because its what I choose to do, what I want to do.

Would I say I will never cheat? Nope, that would be a lie. But so far I haven't let it go past some making out kind of crap. So yes I am a cheater even if I haven't let it go as far as fucking or coming.

Derek
08-06-2005, 02:27 PM
I cheated on my wife for years with SC gals before finally divorcing her recently. Sometimes this happened 2 and 3 times a week.

threlayer
08-11-2005, 08:47 PM
I think women cheat men, in a way, when they offer sex before marriage and them grow tired of it (at least with their mate) after the wedding - bait and switch.

I can understand when the mates are not interested in pleasing the other one that one may look around. And if you can't work it out, then it is time to move on. Just make sure you select the right person for your needs and for hers. Also you need to make this decision this before any kids come along.

xdamage
08-11-2005, 09:27 PM
I think women cheat men

You lost me on that argument, but from what I have read and a bit of personal experience, women cheat. Historically less so then men but not because they are superior human beings, simply because the risks are greater for them. Thats changing in our modern culture and I fully expect to see women cheating nearly as often as men as time goes on. Chances are you will never know if you are cheated on, so why let it it eat at you? Nothing you can do to stop it. If someone is going to cheat they are going to find a way, a reason, or if they have to, test/push their mate away until they have a reason. And if it does happen? Its actually kind retarded that people put so many of their self esteem eggs into someone elses basket.

threlayer
08-12-2005, 12:56 PM
I'm using 'cheat' in a more generic sense, not sexual infidelity in the normal sense but sexual withholding after promising sex would be available. Such as this context, "She cheated him out his sexual pleasure that was promised years ago because now it is too much trouble for her and she doesn't like it with him anyway." In a larger sense that is cheating them out of some benefits of marriage.

I wasn't talking about women 'cheating' on men, because it is obvious that some do. Of course in the same argument sometimes men withhold sex from women.