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tampafldancer
02-13-2005, 02:03 PM
It is not my intention to minimize the tragedy of what happened here, but from the escalating problems being posted it's time to look at some 'real world' issues from the perspective of self-defense.



The guys are not being arrested because police and courts simply offer no credibility whatsoever to a 'stripper's' story. Short of a video tape showing exactly what happened, if this case comes to court it will be the word of a 'stripper' vs. the word of a 'blue collar worker'. Given the hollywood 'stripper' stereotype, plus the reputation of the particular club involved, no cop or judge or jury is likely to accept the dancer's word at face value that rape was involved versus consensual sex or paid sex. Is this patently unfair - you know it! Is this reality under Philly's legal system - you better believe it!

The apartment break-in was undoubtedly not a coincidence. More likely it was a deliberate message sent from the clubowner/staff, and delivered by shall we say 'unofficial business partners' ? Again from the standpoint of cops and judges and juries, it will probably be impossible to make them officially acknowledge that any 'official' connection exists between the alleged rape and the break-in. But from an unofficial but very real standpoint, the intentions of the clubowner/staff are pretty clear - "shut up or we will shut you up". The same principle applies to the negative responses you have gotten from other clubs, almost certainly as the result of your former clubowner putting out word that you are a 'troublemaker'.

Even though you have done absolutely nothing wrong, the real world facts of the situation are that you've become 'persona non grata' in Philly. The real world facts of the situation are that the Philly police and courts are going to do very little if anything to help you seek justice. The real world facts of the situation are that Philly strip club circles are now closed to you. And most importantly the real world facts of the situation are that certain persons are not above doing you further harm in order to shut you up. As unfair as this might be, my best advice is to start packing and move far, far away ... before you become another statistic i.e. "body of stripper found in dumpster".

It's one thing for BBS posters located far away and who are not personally involved to advocate sticking to principles and seeking justice at any cost. However, when it comes down to potentially risking your own life for principles and justice, only you can decide which is more important as well as which is more likely to actually happen ! I wish you all the luck in the world.



wow, mel i think you are right..
What a scary world we live in!!!:O :O

Nicolina
02-19-2005, 12:34 AM
Thank you for the sobering post, Melonie. I wish it had been said sooner. It's a horrible situation, and I really hope LadyBlue is okay. People who advise rape victims should really be careful about saying things like, "Don't let him get away with this, he'll only do it to someone else..." as it may serve to compound feelings of guilt they are already experiencing. As Melonie said, sometimes you really have to look at the harsh reality of the situation and make self-preservation your priority.

Melonie
02-20-2005, 01:16 PM
Actually I'm starting to get very worried, considering there have been no new posts from LadyBlue in the past week !!!!

Lena
02-20-2005, 02:12 PM
Yeah, but she posted a "goodbye stripperweb" thread before she dissapeared.

DSUsb19
02-20-2005, 02:46 PM
I think Lady is going through some really rough times and is trying to find herself. I hope that is what's going on. Some strange stuff started happening after that "Goodbye SW" thread. Sherlock Holmes would have a field day with this mystery.

Nicolina
02-20-2005, 02:58 PM
I'm worried too. I hope anyone who knows her personally has tried to check up on her....

Celeste25
02-20-2005, 03:03 PM
Is there anything we can do??????? People to alert?? Something! I dont know!.... This is pretty troubling...

janazoo
02-20-2005, 05:31 PM
It sounded to me as though she did in fact cut herself badly and she probably went to the hospital. Usually in hospitals they have support groups and will not let you leave until they are sure you are not a high risk anymore.

It happened to my son. He went through a rough time and went throught a support group that was through the hospital. Also he could have gone to a half way house, hospital referred.

Maybe Pamela can shed some light on this. She does work in a hospital herself.

I'm worried too it sounded very disturbing and I hope she finds herself. I hope she relocates and starts again. Sometimes that is the best thing to do.

Jana

DSUsb19
02-20-2005, 05:52 PM
I used to speak to Lady on a regular basis, as I'm a regular customer at the club where she worked. Got some strange news telling me that she had attempted, but was found before any major damage was done; however, the person telling me this was on Lady's screename, and the style of typing was exactly like hers. Supposedly her family had come to take care of her as she was "too sick" to go home, but she still signs on AIM, and still posts on SW, just under a different name. I'm not trying to put her in a bad light, I'm just letting everyone know. "Lady" is still around...just covertly. I wish her the best.

tampafldancer
02-20-2005, 08:21 PM
yea, ds is right.. There were a bunch of posts in this thread one late night that were "erased"

There is nothing to worry about.

curvygirl
02-20-2005, 08:29 PM
Yeah, DS is right. She was posting under a "friend's name." as DS put it ... "not to put her in a bad light," ... but a lot of her comments and behavior do not make sense with her actions. If people are truly truly worried about her, then maybe someone in Philly could alert the police to do a search on her name (USPS or whatever it is that the police do to find where someone is located from a screen name) and just do a "check" on her. Actually, I believe it is the law that the police have to check on someone if people think that that someone could be potentially harming themselves. They could also go and check on her to see if she should be Baker acted if she is acting irrationally.

Dancing Girl
02-24-2005, 04:05 AM
Dear LadyBluePhilly,
I just read your post today, and it broke my heart. In case you are still checking this thread, I just wanted to write back to you. As all the other women here have been saying, I wanted to say that I am so sorry that you have had to live through this horrendeous experience. There is no way to explain in words all of the feelings you are having now, or will have in the future. But please work on not feeling bad about any fellings you have, whatever you feel is the right thing for you to feel, because all those feelings are part of the process you will need to go through to begin to heal, but as time goes on you will find small ways to heal parts of your heart. There is no way that any guy or person who has not had a similar experience will be able to comprehend the strength that you have just to get out of bed, so please don't feel worse when many of the people you know, including your friends and your family, aren't able to have any real idea of what you're going through, even though they may think that they do.

Don't try to do everything all at once, accept that it will take a long time before you are able to really remember what it feels like to be honestly happy, but slowly things will get better. The most important thing now is to give yourself the time, space, and permission to hurt, grieve, cry, mourn, and just breath, so that then in a while you will be able to start focusing on remembering what you like about yourself, and all the things about you that are special. And I promise you that you are special, and there are things that you will like about yourself again, just give yourself all the time that it will take to start feeling that way again.

You have already shown such strength and bravery by telling your mother, your boss, the police, and the others, and although that takes incredible strength, remember that you don't owe anything to anybody but yourself. If somebody is making you feel worse or isn't supporting you, then maybe you need to take sometime away from them. Your first priorty needs to be to take care of yourself, even if it means hurting or offending those that you love, because if they really love you back then in time they will be able to understand that right now you need to put yourself first.

If you do choose to continue with the legal case, first of all know that all the women here will do whatever we can to support you, whatever you choose. I also might be able to help prepare you some for what is ahead of you if you do choose to continue with this. I was raped almost two and a half years ago, and ever since then I have been dealing with the court system concerning my case, which it looks like will finally be over on monday. First of all, I'm sorry to say that I can't offer much reasurance in this area, despite the common sentiments that we would all love to see your a**hole rapist behind bars, rape cases tend to be the least successfully prosecuted cases. It will also probably take a couple years before anything actually happens, even if it's a plea bargin, unless the case gets dismissed before that. Although in some ways it might be good to get the attention of the media, be very careful whatever you say, and what I would suggest is having a script if you say anything using the same words that you gave the police in your statement. Any slight varience in descriptions in things you say versus what your statement says can be harmful to your case, and so i would suggest going to the police station with a pad of paper, and writing down a copy word for word what you already gave them. They are required to show you your own statement, and you are allowed to take notes on it, but just don't tell them that your notes will be coying it down word for word. Also it's very good that you got a lawyer, because although the prosecutor and victims advocate are supposed to be on your side, they don't really do anything unless they're forced to, which is what your lawyer would hopefully do. Another problem with the media is that then more people know and are judging your situation, although remember that they have no real right to do so, and so it will be harder to find space just for yourself, and it may help if you can talk to the people in your life first before they get the twisted truth from the media. I think the idea that someone mentioned about maybe moving to another area might be helpful, especially considering the horrifingly potentially dangerousness of your situation, but if you do so make sure that you are not that far from your closest friends, and make sure that they know that you really need their unconditional support for a while. If they aren't able to be there for you, it sounds like sadly a lot of women here have their own stories, and we all want to be here for you as much as possible.

Please stay strong!!! Please remember that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! Even if you were telling him that you wanted to be with him, and then at the last moment you changed your mind (which I'm not saying is what happened at all, it's simply a hypothetical situation) he had NO RIGHT to rape you!!! Please remember that just because you're a dancer doesn't give anyone the right to touch you or rape you, and there is nothing shameful or wrong about being a dancer, and don't listen to the people you know who dissagree with that!!! Please remember that you are beautiful!!! You are special!!! You are a woman!!! And slowly, over a lot of time and a giving yourself a lot of personal space, you will start to remember all the things that you do like about yourself, and you will start to feel better!!! Please feel free to PM anytime you want, whether it's about something small, something big, any type of question, or if you just need to say that you're sad. Please take care of yourself, and let me or us know if there's anything we can do to help you.
Much Love,
Dancing Girl

KyraBanks
02-27-2005, 04:21 PM
Well said Dancing Girl...it's so sad that so many women go through this and nothing happens to the perpetrator. Kinda makes thoughts of vigilante justice flash in and out of my head....but I have to remember that wouldn't be right and just move on to heal so that my heart won't hurt anymore. What's really messed up, is that these guys that rape can sleep at night while sometimes the victim can't.

The last post I read from LadyBlue said she was in Europe. I'm so happy she is in a safe place with her family. That's the most important thing.

AudreyLeigh
02-28-2005, 05:04 PM
"last week a bouncer raped me . i told mark the owner n he said i know ur fired "

my only question is...WHY would you go BACK to this place after a co-worker RAPED you? I sure as hell hope you didnt go back to work that night. Im not trying to be rude and I agree with everyone about getting a lawyer and such but this COULD be used against you. I would NEVER go back to this place after something like that happened to me.

Just my 2 cents...

jadenphilly
03-01-2005, 01:48 PM
"last week a bouncer raped me . i told mark the owner n he said i know ur fired "

my only question is...WHY would you go BACK to this place after a co-worker RAPED you? I sure as hell hope you didnt go back to work that night. Im not trying to be rude and I agree with everyone about getting a lawyer and such but this COULD be used against you. I would NEVER go back to this place after something like that happened to me.

Just my 2 cents...

Wow, I totally agree. I offered some help for her when she first posted. I work in a law firm, and she never even responded. I too think that she is still around just posting under another name. See some of the things that she has posted have made me a little hazy on her also. I am a retired dancer, and I also am very familiar with the law. And I hate to say it but it is not always against the woman. I used to think that way, but my thoughts have changed. Yes some of the things that where done after the fact are very shady.

But I am sure that she is still out there, and that she is doing alright. If not my offer would still stand to look into the case a little.

KyraBanks
03-01-2005, 04:37 PM
My two cents: In life you should be very careful about giving your opinion when someone is asking for support. The two are totally different. You should also be very careful about giving your opinion if you've never been through the situation.

Vyanka
03-01-2005, 05:23 PM
Wow, this is the first time i've ever read this thread. I'm am truely sorry for what has happened. Stay strong & don't let them get away.

*Big hugs to you*

Dancing Girl
03-02-2005, 11:37 PM
My two cents: In life you should be very careful about giving your opinion when someone is asking for support. The two are totally different. You should also be very careful about giving your opinion if you've never been through the situation.

Thank you for saying that KyraBanks. I totally agree. Nobody knows how they are going to act in a situation, especially if they don't know all the details, and the last thing that a woman who was just raped needs to hear is more people questioning her actions, which can lead to more unecessary feelings of guilt.

LadyBluePhilly anything that you do or did to cope with it all is fine, there are totally natural ways that people respond to traumatic events, and not only do psycologists know this if it ever mattered for a court case, but you have no reason to ever doubt or question anything that you have or will do or feel. It's the way that you and your unconcious is dealing with and surviving what you are living through, and I am proud of you for having the strength that you have already shown. Stay strong, and take care of yourself and your feelings above all else.

Rogue
03-03-2005, 10:14 PM
I just saw this thread today. First of all ~ BIG HUG!! I do hope you have a lot of good family and freinds to help you through this terrible ordeal. Please do know that you are in my prayers and thoughts.

tampafldancer
03-04-2005, 11:08 AM
yea, i dont think you guys know the whole situation though..

Whoever it was, she was playing with DS and I though chat late one night WHEN we were trying to be supportive.

Things just didnt add up if you know what i mean!!(Caught her lying about a couple of things) I would just leave it alone.

tampafldancer
03-04-2005, 11:10 AM
actually i thought this thread was going to be locked after half of it was deleted that night.

glitterystars
03-13-2005, 10:53 AM
Okay, I am a bartender in go-go in philadelphia and I got this url off a philly website strip club forum....Let me tell you LadyBlue ( post under the pure gold crazy horse ) You don't have to put up with this shit....at all!!!! and if you do work at the place I mentioned above please don't be afraid of those people or that place...People lie about everything,,,I know a cop in Philadelphia that can help you with your situation...Please let me know if you would like the help..

If you worked at daydreams,,,this is a similar thing that happened last year,,, I suggest you make a loud statement about this to the media,,,first to the news paper and then on and on....

Also you need to get a lawyer.....

You can't take that shit from anyone,,,Stand up for yourself and be strong,,,these people are liars and whack jobs in philly at some of these places,, they think they can push you around and they are really nobody...

Please let me know if you need help send me a message...

jackie

Heaven-Lee
03-13-2005, 10:12 PM
I first like to say I am so sorry for what happened to you! I hope that bastard gets punished to the full extent of the law. I would keep trying different lawyers, stay on the cops, and contact the media. Good luck and let us know how it all goes!