View Full Version : Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy
mystery
04-18-2005, 05:34 AM
Well, not getting some, but happy where we're at.
I worked yesterday and sprained my ankle, so I stayed in last night. She worked and then went out for a bit, but ended up coming over to see me. We just hung out with my friends, drinking beer.
I hung out with her this afternoon/evening. We got into a discussion about relationships, where we stand, etc. She started it. She told me that she's been dealing with the unresolved issues from a couple serious past relationships, so she can go into her next serious relationship not fucked up. She doesn't want her next relationship to fail.
I thought that was very cool.
I told her I'd be patient but that I want her. I reminded her that I'm not going anywhere.
I wanted to kiss her. That was frustrating. :P
LOL see allot of you guys I can't understand. Quit with the EXPECTATIONS! she don't own you visa versa. I don't think it help much to give advice cause people got to find for themselves so I'll keep it short here and just give you one word to keep in mind CHILL.
fancygirl
04-18-2005, 01:52 PM
Update on the last date: He took me out to Italian food a couple towns away and we walked around; then we played pool. I like him, but I schmucked it up last night. After he'd dropped me off with another good night kiss, we were texting (he started it). I'd told him I wished that he didn't have to wake up at 6 in the morning because it'd be great to watch a movie with him (it was 11:30 pm). I knew we probably weren't going to be hanging out again that night (duh) but I did still want to see him and maybe make out a little without having to expressly say "hey, I know you just dropped me off but can I come over so we can makeout?" LOL. He didn't get the movie thing, and he asked "are you kidding me?" I guess he hadn't gotten the idea that movies are great makeout times...because he just texted me and said "I was just with you...kissing you" as if movies and kissing were so not related in the slightest.
So...I mucked it up a little bit. But, I'm still dating other guys as well, so maybe I'll avoid this bit of mortification in the future-- or else end up kissing someone I'm on the same wavelength with. : (
LOL see allot of you guys I can't understand. Quit with the EXPECTATIONS! she don't own you visa versa.
I don't really understand how you interpreted my post as being full of expectations or some odd sense of "ownership". My only expectations - from any relationship in my life - would be honesty and respect. I give the same.
I don't think it help much to give advice cause people got to find for themselves so I'll keep it short here and just give you one word to keep in mind CHILL.
Very good advice. As long as I keep my trap shut and play it cool I think things will go my way. ;)
mystery
04-18-2005, 06:05 PM
I don't really understand how you interpreted my post as being full of expectations or some odd sense of "ownership". My only expectations - from any relationship in my life - would be honesty and respect. I give the same.
Very good advice. As long as I keep my trap shut and play it cool I think things will go my way. ;)
Well what I mean is don't play for ANYHING (underlying motive or expectation) just play to have fun and share with people. Don't focus on things going any which way by pushing a certain agenda or whatever with a specific person, just keep that desire in mind in general, and meet different women and just have a goal of having fun and chilling together, and enjoying each others presence and le t the rest NATURALLY happen. Yu may find you like it better that way.
evan_essence
04-20-2005, 05:36 AM
I knew we probably weren't going to be hanging out again that night (duh) but I did still want to see him and maybe make out a little without having to expressly say "hey, I know you just dropped me off but can I come over so we can makeout?" LOL. He didn't get the movie thing, and he asked "are you kidding me?" I guess he hadn't gotten the idea that movies are great makeout times...because he just texted me and said "I was just with you...kissing you" as if movies and kissing were so not related in the slightest.
Given the context that he just dropped you off, your comments didn't make sense to his logical perception that the evening was over except for some parting text messaging. Give the guy a bit of a break. There's nothing wrong with your feelings, but I think you're unrealistically expecting him to be a mind reader of those feelings. Think of the situation from a logical point of view for a moment, not emotionally. If you failed to say, "I know we were just together but I'm missing you already; I want to watch a film and cuddle" or something else point blank to clearly convey your emotional need, there's no way his mind is going to switch from a logical (we've already parted for the night) wavelength to an emotional (I want snuggles now!) wavelength. Thus, the lack of understanding.
-Ev
fancygirl
04-20-2005, 07:09 PM
^ I am actually cutting the guy a break. I felt like a total dork. But, I do have to say that he'll just have to roll with the goofs, cause I make them all the time. Plus, I think he's coming at it from a serious angle, whereas I'm coming from a playful angle with no real discernable rules to speak of. This link has been up longer than it needed to be really, but it's been nice trying to figure out my dating dilemmas. I look forward to hearing update's on Hef's dating life, so if she finally makes a move on you-- I'd love to hear. Hear's hoping for a happy ending. Or, at the very least, a beautiful one no matter what the outcome.
^ I am actually cutting the guy a break. I felt like a total dork. But, I do have to say that he'll just have to roll with the goofs, cause I make them all the time. Plus, I think he's coming at it from a serious angle, whereas I'm coming from a playful angle with no real discernable rules to speak of. This link has been up longer than it needed to be really, but it's been nice trying to figure out my dating dilemmas. I look forward to hearing update's on Hef's dating life, so if she finally makes a move on you-- I'd love to hear. Hear's hoping for a happy ending. Or, at the very least, a beautiful one no matter what the outcome.
Well she surprised me by bringing up the topic of money. If you recall, I posted about how I felt it would be inappropriate for me to give her money, as it might put a wedge between us. Yesterday she was talking about how she had some bills to pay and she needed to have a few big nights. Then she mentioned that one of her customers offered to pay a big bill for her and she was grateful for that.
I said "Well that's cool. Every little bit helps."
She then told me not to worry about helping her. I think she meant it. She said that there's plenty of other guys who give her money and she doesn't want to take mine, as it might come between us.
I was pleased because she sees it the same way I do (or so it seems). I also saw that as an indicator of her not wanting to take me for a ride. She isn't asking me to give her anything. Actually, she spends money on me. I spend some on her too.
I met her daughter this week too. She's 2 years old. That was cool.
Anyhow, that's the update. Nothing major. Thanks for asking. :)
OK I just got home. What a night.
I went to the bar to meet up with friends, then headed over to the SC to see her (as I promised). None of them went with me. I had a couple (and I mean 2) beers and we sat together. I got 2 VIP dances from her, which helped her on a slow night. Then we went out to the bars.
We bounced around a bit. We shared a glass of wine. At the last bar, we were sitting in a dark corner, and I decided to do it right then and there.
I looked her in the eye and told her I love her.
I haven't said that to a woman in 4 years. I wrestled with it for the past 4 days. Even though it felt like I was putting my neck on the chopping block, I still felt the need to say it. That was a major event for me.
I think it hit her like a ton of bricks. She had a smile, but not a big one, sorta happy and scared at the same time. I saw tears building up and she didn't say anything. She looked me right in the eye and kept smiling.
I wanted to throw up. Her not saying anything was pure torture. I felt at that moment that either 1) things were about to change, or 2) things were coming to a screeching halt. I think things might be changing.
I told her that when I said "I love you", I didn't mean it as if I'm asking her to be my GF tomorrow. I meant that I care very much for her and she is a significant person in my life. I told her that I don't take saying such a thing lightly, and that I spent the past 3-4 days seriously thinking about saying it. She knows my relationship history so I think she understands what it took for me to say that.
She was cool. We left the bar (as we planned to do before I popped that statement) and headed home. She was driving so she dropped me off. I told her to call me ANYTIME if she wanted to talk, that I would be available.
I really hope I didn't do something stupid tonight. My gut says no. Wish me luck.
We're all good. I didn't make a fool of myself. :D
I just sat and talked with her. She feels that the strength it took for me to tell her is an example for her to follow. She wants to confront her ex to settle their issues so that she can move on with her life. She doesn't want another relationship until it's settled.
I said I'm all for that. I'd rather wait for her to get her head straight and be ready for a healthy relationship than get into something now and have it get all fucked up. I told her to do what she needs to do, I'll be around.
She's coming to see me tonight after she gets done working (I'll be bouncing at the dance club). Then we're going out. Tomorrow she's coming over for dinner with my roommate and his GF, and my lawyer and his wife. Should be fun.
And I am still not getting any pussy. :P :D
fancygirl
04-23-2005, 05:27 PM
Wow. that took a lot of guts. I totally feel for her too, because I've been in that spot where a guy said it and I wasn't sure what to do. At least she has the goal in her mind now too. So that's good.
also, be careful about the adoration love thing...if your life is fixed, and hers is still a mess, then it may put her in an uncomfortable position to be adored (or even simply loved). It's a lot like the saying about how our dogs think we're the people we wish we could be. Not that you're a dog ; ) but just keep in mind that she may not feel worthy yet of living up to your high opinion of her. I know you don't have "expectations" for her to be ideal, or even for sex at the moment, but I just thought I'd give you the heads up in case that reason might be applicable.
Or you could just spoil her rotten...but that should probably wait.
oh, and hey, I slept with my guy. Didn't make him wait as long as I wanted him too. And, luckily, he is aggressive in bed. I still have to teach him the finer points of subtlety, but I think he'll be open to some minor suggestions.
I'm so psyched that I'm the princess. I bought him dinner last night and he was psyched because no girl has ever done that. I say I'm psyched because if I'd gone the normal route of spoiling him, he'd be used to it and take it for granted.
Plus, my wallet is a bit strapped at the moment : p so I'm glad it takes very little to keep him tickled pink.
Wow. that took a lot of guts. I totally feel for her too, because I've been in that spot where a guy said it and I wasn't sure what to do. At least she has the goal in her mind now too. So that's good.
also, be careful about the adoration love thing...if your life is fixed, and hers is still a mess, then it may put her in an uncomfortable position to be adored (or even simply loved). It's a lot like the saying about how our dogs think we're the people we wish we could be. Not that you're a dog ; ) but just keep in mind that she may not feel worthy yet of living up to your high opinion of her. I know you don't have "expectations" for her to be ideal, or even for sex at the moment, but I just thought I'd give you the heads up in case that reason might be applicable.
Or you could just spoil her rotten...but that should probably wait.
oh, and hey, I slept with my guy. Didn't make him wait as long as I wanted him too. And, luckily, he is aggressive in bed. I still have to teach him the finer points of subtlety, but I think he'll be open to some minor suggestions.
I'm so psyched that I'm the princess. I bought him dinner last night and he was psyched because no girl has ever done that. I say I'm psyched because if I'd gone the normal route of spoiling him, he'd be used to it and take it for granted.
Plus, my wallet is a bit strapped at the moment : p so I'm glad it takes very little to keep him tickled pink.
Cool, you stepped up to the plate too. :D
Thanks for the advice. I'm maintaining my "cool and reserved" stance, even though my gut is in turmoil right now. I'm not going to spoil her. I will be supportive and understanding, and just a little bit romantic.
I have a whole lot more to tell you about tonight's events in my love life but I'll start a new thread. I don't want to completely hijack yours.
fancygirl
04-24-2005, 10:43 PM
yeah. I think this thread has just hit the dust. better to "start fresh" in all aspects of this story ; )
See you out on the boards.
Cahnman
02-12-2007, 09:36 AM
Hef...
...shag her best friend. Shag her best friend well.
She will become interested.
Remember, hot girls have hot friends.
That is all.
Cahnman
StuartL
02-12-2007, 12:52 PM
You could go and buy a copy of The Rules and learn how women are meant to do this. It's a great fun read for a guy and possibly worthwhie for a woman.