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dbertw
06-29-2005, 12:12 PM
Wow...I can't believe the hypocracy in this string. Obviously every relationship is different but you have to admit that when you are giving dances to customers there are times when you are getting 'warm and wet' so to speak...this is NOT just a job to everyone...it is PLAY at times and if it's ok for you to dance for other men and grind on them then it should be ok for your SO to at least watch, if not get a few dances. If your dances are innocent then the ones he is getting are also innocent. It sounds like some serious insecurities are bubbling over in this relationship. My wife lets me go alone or go with her. She knows that she gets away with alot more while getting dances then any man ever would so she is ok with me going alone...besides, when I come back home we have some amazing sex.

dlabtot
06-29-2005, 12:18 PM
Reason and emotions don't always mix.

Let's say you are afraid of frogs. Someone can tell you that frogs aren't dangerous. You might understand that intellectually but that doesn't mean you suddenly won't be afraid of them.

All I'm saying is that if two people want to have a relationship, they have to work out their problems, even if those problems are caused by someone's unreasonable expectations or jealousy. Reasonable or not, that shit has to be dealt with, or you are just paddling along thinking everything is alright and ignoring the fact you are about to head over Niagra Falls.

Now of course that doesn't mean the answer is for one party to always bend over backwards to accommadate the other - just the opposite.

alicia0033
06-29-2005, 12:42 PM
ummm.... IT'S just a job for me like i said. When i have a bf i don't cheat. I wanted to be w/ him and only him. I've asked him to come and see me so i could ease his fears. If he has to go in strip clubs he's not satisfied about something. Especially if you're in a relationship, y would you have to go???? I just don't get it. How are u going to compare what i do to him going and getting lapdances for his pleasure. I have NO desire in going to see a man strip for me and give me a LD. I want my BF only. THAT'S FAIR. Unless i was getting paid for him dancing for me.

Clark
06-29-2005, 12:50 PM
Reason and emotions don't always mix.

Let's say you are afraid of frogs. Someone can tell you that frogs aren't dangerous. You might understand that intellectually but that doesn't mean you suddenly won't be afraid of them.

All I'm saying is that if two people want to have a relationship, they have to work out their problems, even if those problems are caused by someone's unreasonable expectations or jealousy. Reasonable or not, that shit has to be dealt with, or you are just paddling along thinking everything is alright and ignoring the fact you are about to head over Niagra Falls.

Now of course that doesn't mean the answer is for one party to always bend over backwards to accommadate the other - just the opposite.
That's what I was saying. Your emotions won't always match up. He feels it's okay for him to go to strip clubs, she doesn't. Reason makes a good middle ground.

Madcap
06-29-2005, 12:55 PM
If he has to go in strip clubs he's not satisfied about something. Especially if you're in a relationship, y would you have to go????

Um, You'll be looking long and had to find a guy that won't peek at other girls even if he's in the best relationship ever. Being in a relationship doesn't just turn the sex drive off.

And if he actually ISN'T satisfied (which, i suppose, is possible), what will you do? Demand he be satisfied?

I'm not trying to jump on you or anything, but you seem to be tilting windmills. There isn't a heterosexual guy on the face of the planet who won't look at a hot chick. I can understand your problem with your guy getting a dance or constantly going to see the same girl the way some guys do, seems just about all women would have a problem with that whether they acted on it or not. If this is that big a deal, then it's better off left alone. There are guys out there to whom SC's aren't their thing. Find one of them, just be prepared to deal with that guy wanting you to stop dancing (because he will).

dlabtot
06-29-2005, 01:05 PM
Reason makes a good middle ground.

Someone should've told my ex-wife that ;)

Silky
06-29-2005, 01:18 PM
So will you forbid your man from having a bachelor party with his buddies if he decides to marry you?

alicia0033
06-29-2005, 01:31 PM
So will you forbid your man from having a bachelor party with his buddies if he decides to marry you?

Well, that's different- it's a bachelor party...go ahead. I'm talking about making a habit of SC's

Sergent D
06-29-2005, 01:55 PM
This topic is the typical 'do as I say not as I do' bullshit you get from controlling spouses. Your BF should dump YOU.

alicia0033
06-29-2005, 01:59 PM
This topic is the typical 'do as I say not as I do' bullshit you get from controlling spouses. Your BF should dump YOU.

ha. nooo. i'm a very good GF and he knows it. and i love him very much even though he likes going to SC. I just don't like it. I would respect it more if he asked me to stop dancing because he didn't like it. but he doesn't care. (so he says) Like i said....what i do is a job. I wouldn't pay anyone to give me a dance.

dbertw
06-29-2005, 03:57 PM
Question for you: Do you let your BF go out clubbing at all without you? Maybe a night on the town with the boys? As everyone knows you are far more likely to get laid while clubbing then you are going to a SC. SC's are a 'safe' environment for those that just want to see some naked women shake their groove thang. Don't get so upset with your man...sometimes he likes vanilla ice cream and sometimes he likes chocolate ice cream...variety is the spice of life...and be thankful he's getting that spice at a SC and not a nightclub. SC's are like going to baskin robbins and staring thru the glass at all the cool flavors...nightclubs are like going to the grocery store and taking a couple of pints of flavors home for some good eatin. MMMM MMMMM Good!!!!!

Silky
06-29-2005, 05:24 PM
Alicia you seem to have very negative opinions of customers. The stereoptypical notions that you give them of being lonely... desperate...ect.. is unfair. That is just like someone telling you that you are a drug addicted, sexually abused women since you dance. Sure there are customers like that out there..... but i have encountered men who have spent cash on me, got nice dances, and also talked about their girlfriend in positive ways as well.
Maybe you already mentioned this before.... but this thread is too long to scroll back. Did you get a direct answer from your man on why he chooses to engage in the strip club atmosphere? I am sure he knows why you engage in it, since you made it clear to us all it is money lol. Seriously though, like everyone already said.,. there has to be a compromise.Communicate to him, and find out the exact feelings that are behind his choice of entertainment. Also, ask him more details about the TOWEL! I really think two times a month is nothing to have a dramatic break up over. How many dances does he buy per visit and per dancer? That will determine the difference between friendly dances as opposed to hard core grinding by the same chick all the time.You may regret that in the long-run. If two times a month is his choice per month, why not go with him one time... and let him go another time on his own.
I also want to take this out of the "dancing as a job context" for a second. Even if I never danced for a job, I still would like to visit strip clubs as a customer. I would not like it if my boyfriend tried to stop me. Also, I am a bisexual...I would like to look, and enjoy.(Nothing else) It really is just entertainment. Since he is a male, this is more of his type of thing. I think this would be his choice of entertainment regardless of if you danced or not .So I think this is not the issue of"He already has a real live dancer at home", It is more like, "Once in a while I like to kick back and enjoy adult exotic entertainment"

Just some suggestions for a compromise plan... and understanding him better.. =/

Madcap
06-29-2005, 05:27 PM
What's with the towel, anyway?

screaminpeachez
06-29-2005, 05:38 PM
What's with the towel, anyway?

Thank You!!!

hello!

he might as well say "Well twice a month I get my Jollies off"

that detail shouldn't have been devulged...

I don't give my husband a blow-by-blow for the reason that it might bother him.

alicia0033
06-29-2005, 06:51 PM
Alicia you seem to have very negative opinions of customers. The stereoptypical notions that you give them of being lonely... desperate...ect.. is unfair. That is just like someone telling you that you are a drug addicted, sexually abused women since you dance. Sure there are customers like that out there..... but i have encountered men who have spent cash on me, got nice dances, and also talked about their girlfriend in positive ways as well.
Maybe you already mentioned this before.... but this thread is too long to scroll back. Did you get a direct answer from your man on why he chooses to engage in the strip club atmosphere? I am sure he knows why you engage in it, since you made it clear to us all it is money lol. Seriously though, like everyone already said.,. there has to be a compromise.Communicate to him, and find out the exact feelings that are behind his choice of entertainment. Also, ask him more details about the TOWEL! I really think two times a month is nothing to have a dramatic break up over. How many dances does he buy per visit and per dancer? That will determine the difference between friendly dances as opposed to hard core grinding by the same chick all the time.You may regret that in the long-run. If two times a month is his choice per month, why not go with him one time... and let him go another time on his own. =/




goodness guys...the towel thing - he meant he'll use a towel so she won't grind on him w/ her bare cooch lmao. But anyways I really respect your opinion. At this point i guess i really have a problem w/ the industry in general. I guess i don't trust anyone in this business but myself. I just started 3 months, I enjoy dancing and I guess I'm good at what i do for being new (so i hear) He had been going to SC's without me but before i was dancing and i still wasn't happy but things weren't clear between us then. Dancing still hasn't changed how i feel or my previous stereotyping of regular SC going men. Ultimately this job might not be right for me in the spiritual sense. However I've met some interesting people including here and I realized we're all the same and I'm not any better. It's over w/ this guy for now. We have other problems, and he's a real commitment phobe. I really wish i could be like you about this but I can't help myself :-( .....Oh by the way he def goes out w/ his friends or alone to reg clubs...

alicia0033
06-29-2005, 06:53 PM
Question for you: Do you let your BF go out clubbing at all without you? Maybe a night on the town with the boys? As everyone knows you are far more likely to get laid while clubbing then you are going to a SC. SC's are a 'safe' environment for those that just want to see some naked women shake their groove thang. Don't get so upset with your man...sometimes he likes vanilla ice cream and sometimes he likes chocolate ice cream...variety is the spice of life...and be thankful he's getting that spice at a SC and not a nightclub. SC's are like going to baskin robbins and staring thru the glass at all the cool flavors...nightclubs are like going to the grocery store and taking a couple of pints of flavors home for some good eatin. MMMM MMMMM Good!!!!!


this is what he told me exactly! you might be right but i can't get over my jealousy. i want him to be crazy about me and i'm afraid he's not. This might have nothing to do w him going to SCs or not.

Casual Observer
06-29-2005, 10:51 PM
i want him to be crazy about me and i'm afraid he's not. This might have nothing to do w him going to SCs or not.

That's the most honest, intelligent thing you've posted on this entire board.

<S>


Thanks to all of you that are understanding and the men that are not like Casual Observer, you are not a female so you wouldn't understand.

I have a Y chromosome so I can't understand the nature of SCs and the people that work and patronize them? I don't bleed once a month so I can't delude myself into promulgating and believing the inherent hypocrisy of working in an SC but not permitting one's boyfriend to visit them? Milk will never flow from my nipples so I don't believe in the equivalency of objectifying women in SCs and civilian women in the wider world? I'll never have a child so I can't detect blatant juvenile insecurity and jealousy masquerading as commitment and maturity? Do you think about what you've written, or are you just typing the vapid platitudes as they come to you?

I understand the dynamics of dancer relationships far more than you can imagine; only discretion and decorum prevent me from detailing such here anymore than I already have on the Blue Site recently, but suffice to say, your paradigm of what constitutes a healthy relationship--whether you're a dancer or not--is warped and undeveloped.

Enjoy your pointless drama and conflict, and good luck with that whole man thing. Don't let him go to SCs--there might be women there he'll look at, because we know that never happens outside SCs...

alicia0033
06-29-2005, 11:44 PM
Enjoy your pointless drama and conflict, and good luck with that whole man thing. Don't let him go to SCs--there might be women there he'll look at, because we know that never happens outside SCs...

I'm still not really sure what you mean. First, we aren't together anymore. Like i said I wouldn't want a regular SC goer as a BF. period. It really shows this person is not ready for a commitment. And if you have a GF, and you're still going to SC...you're not ready for a commitment either.

stant
06-30-2005, 07:24 AM
...the difference between friendly dances as opposed to hard core grinding...
"Friendly" dances? Good one. ;)

"Grinding" isn't "friendly" sounding at all.

It's all in how you spin it.


Milk will never flow from my nipples...
Never say never.

Bunny
06-30-2005, 07:56 AM
At any rate,please try to change it soon.Unless you like being recognized as Chinese Big Boobs,LOL!!!



hahahaha!

As far as the bf in the clubs goes, I guess it depends on the situation. My boyfriend called me up when I was out of town at 4am drunk as a skunk and when I talked to him the next day he said he'd gone to a night club, saw an old friend who is a stripper, and went to see her at work. For some reason it didn't bother me but maybe that is because he's way more into this relationship than I am and I'd almost be relieved if he left me. So I guess I am not in a position to really give any good advice on this one.
:-\

tampadancer
06-30-2005, 08:15 AM
wow...

sorry to chime in so late - this was an interesting thread. everyone be warned, i'm coming to the defense here..

apparently I am in opposition to the majority of responders to the thread, because I also feel pretty weird about my boyfriend going to stripclubs without me also. Yes, I identify it as hypocritical. Yes, I know its pretty silly. But no, I can't help my feelings on the issue. Of course I know that it is due to my deep rooted insecurities... but honestly ladies, does the idea of your man paying to have another dancer grind on his crotch for pleasure really, truly, sit well with you? It doesnt for me - I want to be the only woman grinding on my mans lap...

The way I look at it is this: as a dancer, I am being paid to dance. However, when my bf goes in, he is PAYING another girl to turn him on. AND his girlfriend is a dancer!! I guess I take it as a blow to the ego.

For myself, I think the major culprit of my insecurities on the issue lies in the fact that I DO work in this industry and I AM familiar with the typical strip club goer (i know, its bad to stereotype, but hear me out here). Thinking of my boyfriend as a slobbering drunk grabbing women is a major turn off, even though I'm quite sure he would never behave in this manner.

I guess this is harder to explain than I thought it would be. Regardless, Alicia, your feelings are your feelings, and they are valid. I think that some of the posters were a little harsh, but everyone is entitled to their opinions. (and you had to expect this type of feedback on a site filled with very strong, opinionated women :) )

If you are truly uncomfortable with your man going to SCs without you, you need to find a man that is both understanding of your job, and isn't into strip clubs himself (which is probably going to be a tough combination to come across). Good luck though.

Gendai73
06-30-2005, 09:29 AM
I find myself agreeing with kat on this one.

1) not every guy the walks in the club. comes in their for the same reason.

I go to the club for few reasons.

1) to spend time with a good looking girl
2) to escape real life for a while.
3) to learn as much as posible about the female condition.
4) to have a very sensual experience.

to everyone that knows i go i get the same reaction.
either it's
1) your a PL
2) your diliusional to the point that you think they actually like you.

A_Guy
06-30-2005, 10:12 AM
Do you trust your man to behave himself in a SC?
Does your man trust you while you work in a SC?

If the answer to either of these is no, you have a sad sad relationship that will end up being a waste of time for both of you.

If I was in relationship with a girl that told me "I work at a X, but you can't ever visit a X" (whatever X may be) I'd be gone faster than a whopper in the hands of Rush Limbaugh. I avoid hypocritical controlling men and women like the plague

As a man and a customer, that's my viewpoint... and my 1 cent

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 10:16 AM
Do you trust your man to behave himself in a SC?
Does your man trust you while you work in a SC?

If the answer to either of these is no, you have a sad sad relationship that will end up being a waste of time for both of you.

If I was in relationship with a girl that told me "I work at a X, but you can't ever visit a X" (whatever X may be) I'd be gone faster than a whopper in the hands of Rush Limbaugh. I avoid hypocritical controlling men and women like the plague

As a man and a customer, that's my viewpoint... and my 1 cent


Do you have a GF??? Do you still go to SC?

A_Guy
06-30-2005, 10:17 AM
Do you have a GF??? Do you still go to SC?

Yes and yes

screaminpeachez
06-30-2005, 10:27 AM
Do you have a GF??? Do you still go to SC?

yes but, he's a good guy!
I'm sure his gf totally trusts him...

you should read his blogs;)

A_Guy
06-30-2005, 10:37 AM
yes but, he's a good guy!
I'm sure his gf totally trusts him...

you should read his blogs;)

:)....

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 11:00 AM
Yes and yes

Why do you go? It just makes me feel like i'm not enough or that you're a horny bastard who can't be w/ just one girl. But that's just an impression

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 11:03 AM
Why do you go? It just makes me feel like i'm not enough or that you're a horny bastard who can't be w/ just one girl. But that's just an impression


I'M JUST JEALOUS OKAY???? CALL ME CRAZY! IT'S NOT NORMAL! HE CAN LOOK AT ME IF HE WANTS TO SEE A NAKED GIRL. AND I'M HOT

Bryon53067
06-30-2005, 11:15 AM
I've had several girlfriends that were strippers.I'd go to strip clubs,most of the time were they worked,but as long as he's not paying them to give him a dance,it's cool

Casual Observer
06-30-2005, 11:16 AM
It just makes me feel like i'm not enough or that you're a horny bastard who can't be w/ just one girl. But that's just an impression

No, it makes you feel like you're not the center of the universe, or more accurately, his universe. Classic GPS in action here.

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 11:18 AM
No, it makes you feel like you're not the center of the universe, or more accurately, his universe. Classic GPS in action here.

I am and should be the center of his universe :-)

screaminpeachez
06-30-2005, 11:20 AM
I am and should be the center of his universe :-)

no he should be...
you should be close to it...

you should be very important.

nicole84
06-30-2005, 11:24 AM
To be blunt...I think you completely misunderstand this industry and mens nature.

It is in EVERYONES nature to find others attractive, and to occasionally want to escape reality...this is what strip clubs do.

It really sounds like you need to get out of the industry. If you need the money so badly, try waitressing. It's more work, but in a good place, you can come close to what a dancer makes in an average club.

It also sounds like you have a lot of insecurities and other issues you need to work on before you can have a healthy relationship.

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 11:24 AM
no he should be...
you should be close to it...

you should be very important.

whatever we're not together anymore
thanks though

onlythebest
06-30-2005, 11:28 AM
^For what it's worth,I understand how you feel.I am really old school and see your point.Chin up,doll.

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 11:28 AM
To be blunt...I think you completely misunderstand this industry and mens nature.

It is in EVERYONES nature to find others attractive, and to occasionally want to escape reality...this is what strip clubs do.

It really sounds like you need to get out of the industry. If you need the money so badly, try waitressing. It's more work, but in a good place, you can come close to what a dancer makes in an average club.

It also sounds like you have a lot of insecurities and other issues you need to work on before you can have a healthy relationship.



well i enjoy dancing and playing a part at a club. But it's fake. It doesn't affect me in that way. I just don't want my BF going.

dlabtot
06-30-2005, 11:31 AM
Sure you split up, which would solve the problem if the problem were that you were with the wrong guy, however, it is more complicated than that.


Many folks in this thread have suggested you are in the wrong business... maybe you should think about that a little.

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 11:39 AM
Sure you split up, which would solve the problem if the problem were that you were with the wrong guy, however, it is more complicated than that.


Many folks in this thread have suggested you are in the wrong business... maybe you should think about that a little.


I've already thought about that. I like my job. i like dancing and money. I'd rather be ALONE than date a SC REGULAR. PERIOD.

dlabtot
06-30-2005, 11:52 AM
Yeah, you like your job, you've said that repeatedly... but what you don't seem to be hearing from folks is that you may not be suited for the job even though you like it. But I think I've said enough, I will try to refrain from further replies.

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 12:04 PM
Yeah, you like your job, you've said that repeatedly... but what you don't seem to be hearing from folks is that you may not be suited for the job even though you like it. But I think I've said enough, I will try to refrain from further replies.


I'm good at what i do. It's just work. i can dislike customers and still work there

VenusGoddess
06-30-2005, 12:07 PM
Yes, but you cannot accept that you are working as a dancer and that your boyfriend likes to go to clubs. That's all that was being said.

:shrug:

I don't care if Scorpio goes...I'd prefer to go with him...but I'm not going to be upset if he goes with his friends.

VenusGoddess
06-30-2005, 12:13 PM
I've had several girlfriends that were strippers.I'd go to strip clubs,most of the time were they worked,but as long as he's not paying them to give him a dance,it's cool

This makes absolutely no sense at all!! Why should this guy get a "free" show? Because he's dating a stripper who will get mad that he's getting dances?

Ridiculous. IMHO, if you cannot accept that your SO would go to the SC...then you really shouldn't be dancing. Saying that it's ok for this guy to waste other dancer's time or what not is stupid.

If you cannot accept his patronization of a club, then don't keep dating him. But, how would you like it if he came up to you and said "I know you love your job, but I'm not comfortable with you dancing, so you just need to quit or it's over."

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 12:17 PM
Yes, but you cannot accept that you are working as a dancer and that your boyfriend likes to go to clubs. That's all that was being said.

:shrug:

I don't care if Scorpio goes...I'd prefer to go with him...but I'm not going to be upset if he goes with his friends.

he likes to go alone. you know what thanks everyone. Enough of this thread. Moving on.

tampadancer
06-30-2005, 01:09 PM
^For what it's worth,I understand how you feel.I am really old school and see your point.Chin up,doll.

I thought there'd be more old schoolers than just us! haha.. oh well.

alicia0033
06-30-2005, 01:37 PM
I thought there'd be more old schoolers than just us! haha.. oh well.


I know right!

ThaiLynn
06-30-2005, 03:08 PM
I have to say that I understand and can relate to a little jealously. Everyone experiences it and it is usually irrational. But, darling, yours seems to be stemming from a complete lack of maturity. IMO it will be a long while before you are ready to handle any real relationship. I am not attacking you or your intelligence. Its a harmless and IMO accurate observation.

Casual Observer
06-30-2005, 03:50 PM
I don't care if Scorpio goes...I'd prefer to go with him...but I'm not going to be upset if he goes with his friends.

That's because you're not up at night worrying how you'll live through the next day or what your self-worth is if some other dancer sits on his lap. Maturity and security in action.

Madcap
06-30-2005, 04:03 PM
This, in a way, reminds me of the "pissed off housewife" threads that crop up now and again.

A_Guy
06-30-2005, 04:05 PM
Why do you go?

a. relax
b. unwind
c. have a drink or two
d. interesting conversations
e. to enjoy the sights, sounds and smells
f. because there's nothing more comforting than a beautiful, soft skinned, sweet smellin', sweet talkin' woman
g. I only see my gf maybe once a week
h. many times I work 12-14 hour days. A SC visit is nice way to salvage the night.
i. expends my "single wannabe" tendencies all in one night.
j. eliminates all my stress, no matter how bad the work day was.. seriously.
k. going to a bar or club just isn't as interesting.
l. I already watched that movie last night.
m. as a reward for hard work, or achieving a milestone, etc.
n. beautiful women.
o. temporarily live out my fantasies - let's face it... my gf just isn't going to want to get it on with another girl ;)
p. I like the breath mints in the bathroom
q. it's nice to feel like a king
r. to avoid drama (but apparently even SC's are not devoid of this)
s. DFK'ing, HJ's, BJ's and anal sex....... hahahahhaha. j/k :P
t. I always, always have a good time.
u. the centerfold in my playboy mag doesn't talk to me and sit in my lap
v. i love women... did I already say that?
w. hot, skimpy outfits... gives me good ideas for my gf ;)
x. keeps me humble... believe it or not.
y. Me be man. Me love women.

and finally,
z. there's nothing more awe-inspiring than a beautiful, naked woman. period



It just makes me feel like i'm not enough or that you're a horny bastard who can't be w/ just one girl. But that's just an impression

hmmmmmmmmm... 7 years with the same girl whom I've never cheated on even with plenty of tittillating opportunities.

Yup, that's me to a tee. Commitmentphobe.

Although, you did get the horny bastard right... would you really want to be with a guy who wasn't? ;)