View Full Version : Boyfriends in "other" clubs
Bridgette
12-26-2005, 02:55 PM
Oh yeah.
Club owners and managers should take the individual situation into account.
LOL. That's what they all say.
I'm different.
I'm better.
I'm not a typical bf / hubby.
I'm not an asshole.
blah blah blah
Nobody in the club has the time or inclination to examine whether each individual bf / hubby / flavor of the week should be allowed in the club while we're working. Let's try to be realistic here.
alicia0033
12-27-2005, 11:05 AM
Dude, she's a woman first, a stripper second. Your either going to have to sneak out and go without her knowing or stop going. This puts you in exactly the same boat as 99% of other guys with wives or SOs.
Congratulations.
Just be sure to go to a club out of town so you don't run into any of her dancer friends.
AGREED. 100%
alicia0033
12-27-2005, 11:10 AM
I don't mind him going to clubs, but then I don't mind him getting the occasional play on the side either. I don't demand monogamy, I demand HONESTY. Lies and sneaking around are what destroy relationships.
I enjoy watching him get lapdances and have bought him a couple. Once when I wanted to play around with another girl at the club, he bought a two-girl dance from both of us and I had much more fun than him. ;D
hmmm.. good for you. Me- not in a million years. But then i'm not bi and i'm just jealous and selfish w/ my men. hehe
alicia0033
12-27-2005, 11:18 AM
How does her dissaproval imply that she isn't applying her own values and morals in her decision? Do you think that we all think that stripping, and the associated con game, is moral? Is being a societally-maligned outsider something we value for ourselves? Does a stripper internalize her value as a potential political pawn when the police department decides to do a politician a favor? Everyone is different, but our actions often conflict with our beliefs.
But really, its quite simple. Club regulars, for the most part, are considered a mockery of a man (MANY exceptions here, don't get your panties all wadded up your hairy cracks guys!) I both pity and deride many club regulars, and don't want MY man to be considered a cuckhold that another dancer is pilfering. Does this make sense? Is it logical? I could give a fuck!!
Go with your buddies, go when you're traveling for an extended period, go for an occasion......but sitting in a club several times a week RIL with another girl or three trying to fleece your manhood, oh HELL NO!!!
So I bet you are a nice sweet boy and she doesn't want to:
a)Lose a good thing
b)Watch you get treated like an ATM and then disposed of......
this is great.
Gemini25
12-27-2005, 12:42 PM
Gemini, it seems you haven't been paying attention to the posts explaining why many of us don't like our men going to strip clubs, even casually. Maybe you need to go back and reread. If this is an example of they way you pay attention when people answer your questions, I'm betting there's more problems in your relationship than just this strip club-going thing. Seems you've chosen to only pay attention to the answers that went along with what you were already thinking in the first place. You'll never understand if you can't accept varying answers/viewpoints.
On the contrary Bridgette, I've read each and every post with due consideration. I'm not saying that any of the reasons proferred have more validity than others. I simply know how I feel and which posts are grounded in logic to me. I understand some of the reasons why she doesn't want me to go to a strip club, i.e. I understand them from the subjective p.o.v. that she tries to get me to understand. I'm not "only pay[ing] attention to the answers that went along with what" I was already thinking. I'm merely trying to digest the various answers/advice/commentary without giving my seal of approval to any of them.
Moreover, don't jump to conclusions about people "pay[ing] attention when people answer your questions" and my relationship! I've not been to a strip club since we became monogamous and she asked me not to go anymore. So don't be so hasty to judge "problems" in someone else's relationship. Therefore, this isn't a problem per se -- just a guy trying to get some insider perspective without being lambasted by someone who knows nothing about him.
Gemini25
12-27-2005, 12:52 PM
Oh yeah.
LOL. That's what they all say.
I'm different.
I'm better.
I'm not a typical bf / hubby.
I'm not an asshole.
blah blah blah
Nobody in the club has the time or inclination to examine whether each individual bf / hubby / flavor of the week should be allowed in the club while we're working. Let's try to be realistic here.
Sure, you're right. I don't claim to be "better", "different", "not a typical bf/hubby", or "not an asshole." However, I hung out in her club at several times earlier in our relationship(mgmt. didn't know we were dating of course) and there weren't any problems -- jealousy, her not making money, or otherwise. It's really not a good idea, but I guess some clubs allow S.O.s in according to some of the posts on this thread.
I have never thought that it was appropriate to go to clubs while in a serious relationship. Most women would not accept it and I do not think that it would be appropriate to hide it. My GF is a dancer. Since we have been dating I have not been to a SC without her. I do not have any desire to go. I only go to be with her. She is the one that suggests going to clubs to see her friends.
I do not see her objection as a double standard. Dancing is her job. What she gets out of LDs is money. She is not doing it because she has fun doing it. Guys who go to clubs go for the fun.
BrunetteGoddess
01-18-2006, 02:20 PM
Hey, I don't mind if he wants to go SCing, just let me come with! I have so much fun and usually end up trying to get HIM active. But he realized he hated them, so I guess that settles that :P
Nautilus
01-18-2006, 06:46 PM
hmmm... a lawyer/stripper marriage sitcom, eh? my husband married himself a lawyer/stripper combo... which gives me some faux-credibility to answer your question:
negotiate. (life is a negotiation).
i'm cool with my husband going to clubs if he doesn't do private dances. he always tips the girls on stage very well because he appreciates the fact they're fricken naked up there - and because so many guys are cheap jackasses at the rail.
i would rather he gave her the value of a dance to sit and chat than actually eye off her pinkies in a dark room... the money is not the issue at all.
i'm not allowed to paw at men's nudie bits - and the same rule goes for him.
whoever it was that alluded to the fact that your gf sees you as a prized possession for your job is gross. 'a high end career' ... please. i do believe i'm worth FAR more to my husband for my stripping kudos than studying the 'priestley 11' at law school.
my husband regularly does a little jig and says: "I MARRIED A STRIPPER!!!" (even though i have retired).
soon-to-be-lawyers should be good at negotiation. as long as she is reasonable... then i can't see an obstacle to obtaining a satisfactory negotiated outcome, can you?
in the alternative, you've got a stripper at home!!!! how can you lose?
GoldCoastGirl
01-19-2006, 04:21 AM
Honesty is what is required, yes. Monogamy is only required if the two people have agreed to be exclusive to each other.
Now, you are her BF.. her SO... not just a lover.. right? Then I can understand her stance in re: wanting to hang out in a strip club. What I personally do not agree with is how hardline she is... have you asked her what if you go every so often for like a buck's party and only tip on stage? Will that be okay with her?
Personally, I wouldn't want my man hanging out in a SC regularly. I also would prefer, if he really wanted to hang out in SC or do so via a Bucks party, to be a generous stage tipper only when I am not there. When I am there, yes .. lap dances are on the cards for him, me and the both of us... when I am not.. stage only.
I do not have double standards here. I do not see the customers who are in relationships as immoral for purchasing a private/lap dance from me as they do so for many reasons from just plain fun to seeking something they probably no longer receive in their 'normal' life. I do not look down on them.
Just that.. well.. when it comes to lap dances.. I want to be able to join in the fun damnit! I want to be of any assistance in picking the girl.. and vice versa.. ;D That's all.
As for restricting him to the stage, you can still have an incredible amount of fun being just a stage tipper. I know I do as that is how I am when I'm a custy - I tip stage-side more than purchase private/lap dances for myself.
jonniejasmine
01-19-2006, 07:19 AM
Well I dated my bf while dancing and he was a doorman at another club....at first if he came by while I was working it was no big deal. He had friends grab his ass and of course in this scene is like a hand shake. I had the same and we kind of had this understanding that whoever flirted or whatever it was the scene and we knew we were about eachother...so it didn't matter, no one else existed but eachother. after we got serious it became a little difficult with the way eeryone likes to put your business out there so either custies were going to his club to talk shit about me, or they would try me when they knew he was int here ..so that made it difficult...then all the drama started. I got a different job and he started working more and more and more at my club. Suddenly all the girls are all about him b/c they knew who he was...I guess it was the challenge factor..I don't know. and suddenly I didn't exist, when I came in I got the looks..you know what I mean like everyone talked at me but never looked me int he eye and would tell me things like I am so sweet.....and what a dick head he was but never follow up on it. I still don't have any proof but now everyone says he did me wrong but still won't say what with who.....obviously we aren't together anymore but we have to run into eachtoehr on a weekly basis. Also i can't tell you the number of guys who were dating girls for YEARS and had kids and everything and would go hang out "once in a while" and would meet a new dancer fling in the same club their girl worked in.....usually weeks before anything was found out. Sometimes the dancer knew he was taken sometimes not...so no I don't think it is harmless fun anymore.....but I also think it is within the people also. these people were looking for a window of opportunity, and took it without a second thought. I would never!!!! I had opportunities with great guys even when I was newly single ..and yes I danced for them but that is as far as it went b/c I wouldn't lower myself to that level but tha is just me.everyone is different and you may think it is harmless...it should be! I used to think nothing wrong with attending a strip club..but now....that is a sketchy subject.
lexytwo
01-19-2006, 02:53 PM
my boyfriend use to come in the club i work at all the time.. and it happend... ONe of the gilrs whom i thought was "okay" became friends with me to try and fuck my boyfriend.... he didnt fall for it though.. but it did cuz a huge problem between him and i... now when he wants to come in my work i think that its to see her (just b/c its a self esteem booster) anyway.. when it comes to other clubs we only go together... and i always get drunk and he ends up babysitting me
lexytwo
01-19-2006, 03:05 PM
however.. since my boyfriend also works during the day like yourself.. sometimes on a night when he had a stressful day, he likes to come in a have a beer.. AT MY CLUB.. i would much rather him coming to where i work ( even if he was there for reasons other then to see me) b/c we still get to spend time together... i agree with others.... I think it would be disrespectful to go into another SC while im at work trying to help us out.. if he needed to get out that but.... he should come see his wittle baby!
lexytwo
01-19-2006, 03:05 PM
bad** not But*