View Full Version : 1st dominatrix job!!! HELP MEEE!!!

01-09-2006, 04:27 PM
omg you guys, my private agency gave me my first dominatrix job for this weekend! i spoke to the guy on the phone and he is WEIRD! he is gay, and all he wants is for me to show up in black leather and basically call him names, make fun of him, spit on him and completely degrade and torture him! (not alot of physical abuse though, pretty much just force and verbal abuse). is this the dream job or what?! LOL. anyone ever done this before? i havent and im nervous as shit! he calls me goddess lol. my boyfriend is going with me though just to make sure he dont try to get abusive w/me or try anything crazy...ya know? what do u ladies think?

01-09-2006, 06:49 PM
1) Do not let your man into the room. Most submissive men are VERY secretive about their submissive side and dislike anyone knowing, let alone anyone who is not another Domina in the room.

2) Do not get into any actual physical S&M (spanking, whipping, bondage, etc...) without prior training.

3) Humiliation is very simple. Without getting a lot of background from the client, the basics are thus: slut, whore, bitch, dickless, small cock, pussy, etc. Call him names that put down his manhood and his maleness. Tell him that he is worthless, beneath you, and nothing. Make him know that you know that you are the top of the proverbial food chain/ladder and that he is the VERY bottom.

If you can, get more info on this guy. ALWAYS get as much info about the guy FROM the guy as you can.

If you need more help... I've been a Dominatrix for 10 years... drop me an IM :)

01-09-2006, 09:02 PM
Yes it's a dream job! I escorted and all i took was fetish men! had my share of subs, at work and bf's!

He will be easy as long as you are a BITCH! He told you what he wants (or the agency did rather) so go with it.

The bf is a very good idea imo! Safety comes first! He can be in another room..that works fine.

Also, he may be a sub. wanting just what he says or a "fantasy" sub. Meaning he will fill you in by telling you how he can not please a woman, i.e. ex gf will come into a roleplay!!!

Talk to him, tell him you are his woman...However you need to know if he just wants a good spanking and yelling at...MOST want more.

Lotsa luck,


01-10-2006, 09:14 AM
Like Paige said, definitely don't bring your boyfriend in. Have him stay outside in the car. Usually only really well trained submissives can handle being humiliated in front of another man.

Also, make sure you establish a safe word at the begining of the session. Although you said it isn't going to be a very physical session, the safe word can still be used if you take the verbal humiliation to far or if the session goes in a direction that he is not comfortable with. And its also just good professional practice to use one. That way you also know that he has a way to communicate with you where his limits are. I always used "yellow" (getting close) and "red" (can't handle it) when I used to domme.

What kind of agency are you working at btw?

01-10-2006, 09:41 AM
Everything the other girls said, plus poke around online and read some BDSM erotica. Specifically look for Fem Dom and Female Supremecy type stuff.

01-10-2006, 11:36 AM
I know we all agree here. BUt...No... never be alone with anyone you are doing a show with! Subs. can get very "ugly." Have the bf GO IN....just in another out of sight area. Never go it alone....that's BS.

Subs. are people too, and have the ability to harm.....They are only acting out a fantasy.


02-18-2006, 10:47 AM
BUt...No... never be alone with anyone you are doing a show with! Subs. can get very "ugly."

I agree with the first part... maybe.. a different room or something. DISAGREE with the second part entirely. Subs are so misunderstood.. I have never, ever, ever heard of a sub harming a woman.. then he is not really a sub. Their whole psychology is such that they are SUBMISSIVE they LIKE to be beneath, to be under you.. I highly, highly, doubt any sub would harm a woman. Thinking they are "freaks" or "weird" is just your faulty impression based on movies or tv. In real life, subs are probably some of your BEST and most well mannered customers. Treat them nicely, give em what they want, and they will keep coming back and be as loyal as a puppy.

02-18-2006, 11:52 AM
I have attended the funerals of several Dominas. The clients who killed them? Not subs. Killers posing as subs.

Agreed, some (true) subs can be clingy or odd, but almost never a danger.

02-18-2006, 04:47 PM
yeah but how do you know if he's a true sub without meeting him? I'd be nervous to go there alone myself and I don't scare too easily.

Jo Weldon
02-18-2006, 06:05 PM
Read some of the posts in the reviews and in the lobby here:


Jo Weldon
02-18-2006, 06:08 PM
>I have attended the funerals of several Dominas. The clients who killed them? Not subs. Killers posing as subs.

>Agreed, some (true) subs can be clingy or odd, but almost never a danger.

I know the discussion about what is a true submissive or true dominant is old, but in this case, I don't think it even matters--anyone can turn.

A beginner is PARTICULARLY unlikely to be able to identify the elements of a "true sub." For safety's sake alone I would leave that definition out.

02-18-2006, 06:55 PM
You could also use walkie talkies with your boyfriend. Leave the door unlocked, explain what the walkie talkie is and who's on the other end. Apologize but blame it on your lack of experience, or because it's the first time working with the guy.

02-21-2006, 10:11 PM
A few ideas... what about 'double teaming' a new guy? Put him in handcuffs? Demand he fax/email you his driver's license before you will meet him? If a guy's a true submissive, he wants to be DOMINATED (bossed around), so take advantage of that to establish who's in charge right up front! --- Gotta agree that it's not a good idea to bring a bf in; men who enjoy a dominant woman can get really freaked out by the threat of another male. Guys expect violence from another man...

02-22-2006, 03:52 PM
Hay LukiCharm, try and have fun too

04-28-2006, 01:13 PM
In my VERY limited experainces the Dome needs SO much more info and what ever happenned to screening !?

Jo Weldon
04-28-2006, 01:34 PM
The point may be that you have no way of knowing if someone is a "true" submissive, even if you're experienced, which the OP said she wasn't. I don't think "if he's real" should be a part of any decision about whether or not to see the person, besides trying to decide "if he's a real client," since most of them don't even show up.

I repeat--whether or not some guy is "really submissive" has nothing to do with whether or not he's a safe and rewarding roleplay client.

Miss Jessica
06-03-2006, 11:15 PM
I have attended the funerals of several Dominas. The clients who killed them? Not subs. Killers posing as subs.

Agreed, some (true) subs can be clingy or odd, but almost never a danger.

That's scary. When you say several, how many are you talking about? Is this common? That freaks me out, luckily I was very selective in taking clintele...

06-03-2006, 11:49 PM
Not as common as for adult models... but yeah, it happens. I've been to a handful of funerals myself, heard about more. Not a ton, though.

thin lizzy
06-08-2006, 02:14 PM
outcall scares me. i would never do it.
ive worked with a dom for over a year now
and i love it, and i have never felt unsafe.
we have a very safe, secure and discreet
set up and most of our clients have been seeing
the woman i work for for years.

any man who is ordering a dom through an outcall service
seems suspect to me. serious clients will seek outreputable
professionals who have all the equipment and a nice, clean
and safe set up.

if youre looking for a girl wearing leather, carrying a suitcase
with some whips and a pair of handcuffs to meet you
in a hotel room or something, youre probably not
looking for a real bdsm experience.. .

just my opinion. if youve made up your mind & youre
definitely going to go through with it, you can check out
our site:


just reading & taking a look at some of the free pics/video clips,
you should get a pretty good idea of what kind of attitude is necessary.
the woman i work for has been doing this for over 8 years & is
super professional & one of the most beautiful & talented doms
ive ever met.

hope it helps. good luck & be safe!

mistress helena

06-08-2006, 05:32 PM
if youre looking for a girl wearing leather, carrying a suitcase
with some whips and a pair of handcuffs to meet you
in a hotel room or something, youre probably not
looking for a real bdsm experience.. .

There are too many areas in this country alone that do not have dungeon space available to a Dominatrix to work out of or rent space from. Many, MANY Pros go to the client or to a hotel. This does NOT, in any way, make them any less professional. We are working with what we have available. I've been doing this for 10 years now. When I worked in NYC, I worked out of rented dungeon space. When I worked out of Manhattan proper, I went to the client or to a hotel room. Where I am now has NO dungeons for at least a 2.5 hour drive's distance.

Jo Weldon
06-08-2006, 05:39 PM
All the dominas I've known over the past ten or so years are alive and well. And there are lots of them.

I think that as long as you don't get overly caught up in any of the BDSM mythology (as separate from the BDSM reality, which varies from situation to situation), and evaluate people the same way you would under any other conditions, you'll get the same results doing BDSM as you would under those other conditions. BDSM is neither particularly dangerous nor particularly safe, as a form of work.

I'm not saying it's exactly like anything else--it's just not more or less dangerous.

Then, AFTER you're sure they're sincere about making an appointment and are really going to show up and really going to pay and really going to be respectful and safe, THEN you can be concerned about whether or not they're truly submissive. A true submissive can be as much a jerk as any other type of person--they're just people. It's more important to determine if they're really safe clients than if they're really sincere about BDSM.

EDIT--Rereading this, it sounds kinda snippy--I meant that this is how the dominas I know screen clients, not that the women Paige described did anything different or wrong. I think either outcall or incall can work. I'm just recommending trying to evaluate BDSM clients, like all other clients, with attention to safety first, all other possible qualities second.

thin lizzy
06-08-2006, 09:03 PM
paige, i didn't mean to offend & i apologize if i did.
i've just dealt with some clients, within only one year
of work, who just like to see how much they can get
away with. in my experience, they've all been harmless
and mostly only do it to piss the mistress off, but still.
for someone who hasn't worked as a dom before,
i would think you might want to train with an
experienced dom first, or maybe first work
in an incall setting until you feel safe enough
to do outcall & be prepared for such clients & know
how to handle them.

maybe it's just me. again, i'm pretty
new to it myself & from friends working for outcall
agencies around here (pittsburgh), i've heard some
stories & pittsburgh is known for being a high milage
city. i, myself, wouldn't be comfortable doing it here.
that's all. :)

thin lizzy
06-08-2006, 09:08 PM
i almost forgot - we use a baby monitor.
its easy to put it out of sight & your bf can hear everything that's going on!
the client doesn't even know it's there.