View Full Version : Backseat Parenting...A RANT FROM HELL
Cally
01-21-2006, 06:56 PM
How did i know this would lead into a sympathy bid...
I must be a cold hearted bitch..
scorpio
01-21-2006, 08:04 PM
agreed Blade, but I still "think out loud" when dipshit parents let their little terror spawn run amok in public.
Blade
01-22-2006, 11:12 AM
i've never given birth, and i don't plan to in the near future. i have, however, raised a child to the ripe old age of 11. as you probably know if you've read my other posts, my mother is a deadbeat loony and my father is a sociopath. she gave birth, skipped town for 4 weeks out of every 5, and i raised my brother. i fed him, i washed him, i taught him to speak and read and stop pulling my hair. i got up at midnight to bring him a bottle, took him to my bed when he had a bad dream, and gave him the last of our food when there wasn't anything else left, because my father found it amusing to watch us starve. i helped him with his homework and talked to him about bullies. i sent him to the corner when he was throwing a tantrum, and i celebrated with him the first time he had a test in school. (he got an A-). i picked fights with my father to distract him from going after my boy. i changed his diapers, taught him to use the potty, and explained to him the difference between boys and girls. he is my child. he is my blood, though i have not born him from my body, and i have raised him from the time he was first put on this earth. he is my brother, but also my son.
i do not live with him anymore though. he lives with my mother, who is now remarried, 10 minutes away. he was taken from me against my will, because apparently the woman who brought the demon home to play is more capable of parenting than i am, simply by virtue of the fact that she is older. she does have more money- i admit that. he wouldn't have designer tennis shoes or a play station if he lived with me. but i am still his mother. that, however, is another discussion for another time.You should be commended for taking the responsibility for raising your brother, I've been there...It's some hard work. However, and I'm already tellin you will disagree with this, you are NOT his mother. I raised my brother and sister from just about birth(mom was an alcoholic , dad was a workaholic-so from the age of 6 I was basically the cook, diaper changer etc of the house)but I sure as fuck ain't their father, I'm simply the oldest and I did what I had to do to survive and assure that they did also. You may consider yourself his mother, but I can tell ya from experience the courts and such see it differently, you are nothing but the older sister.
I'm sure you feel that since you took care of him you deserve the title of mother, but unless you birthed him, or adopted him you can't hold it. A guy I've gotten to know has parental custody of his younger brother, he is the kids dad for all rhyme and reason, yet he admits he is just the big brother doin what he needs to do
Am I heartless for feeling that you aren't his mother? Maybe I am, but I've worn similar shoes and I can tell ya all you have at the end of the day is pinched toes and fallen arches.
Bridgette
01-22-2006, 05:38 PM
Ya know, I was thinking recently about how I have been guilty of finding fault with the way some people raise their kids, and I don't have kids. I've only said that I think if a kid is REALLY misbehaved and getting into ALOT of trouble, it must be a reflection of some poor parenting, but still. A childless person might have some good ideas on how to handle certain situations based on our own childhood experiences, but I'd have to agree in general Blade. Parenting isn't something us childless folks need to be advising parents on.
However, I have to disagree that someone who's raised a kid isn't their parent. Maybe not biologically or legally, but being a parent is much more than causing/giving birth or holding legal papers. Being a parent is taking responsibility to care for / raise a kid - which in some cases is what some older siblings have done. Not what they HAD to do, but what they CHOSE to do because it was the right thing. I think that makes someone just as much a parent, if not more, than some biological or legal "parents".
Oh, and I've got those pinched toes and fallen arches too. LOL
Blade
01-22-2006, 06:04 PM
However, I have to disagree that someone who's raised a kid isn't their parent. Maybe not biologically or legally, but being a parent is much more than causing/giving birth or holding legal papers. Being a parent is taking responsibility to care for / raise a kid - which in some cases is what some older siblings have done. Not what they HAD to do, but what they CHOSE to do because it was the right thing. I think that makes someone just as much a parent, if not more, than some biological or legal "parents".
Oh, and I've got those pinched toes and fallen arches too. LOLOk I thought about what I said and I see the point you're making. I guess parenthood does come in different sizes, my sperm donor was never a father or a parent, and my adopted dad was almost as bad since he worked around the clock to provide a home(but no home life). I always considered myself a parental figure as opposed to a parent back then, hell I wasn't much more than a kid myself. I honestly did it not because I chose to but because if I didn't we would've starved..call it self preservation with benefits...thank god when dad was around he insisted I know how to cook
Bridgette
01-22-2006, 06:26 PM
Well, you still could've simply taken care of yourself and not taken responsibility for your younger siblings. You still chose to help them out when you really didn't have to and it should've been someone else's responsibility. Give yourself a lil credit, huh?
venusofwillendorf
01-22-2006, 09:52 PM
blade, parenting is not a legal formality. it is far more than that, and you, as a parent, know this. i realize that the courts do not agree that i am his mother. i am not saying they do. what i am saying is that i am his mother. i raised him. i fed him. i taught him. no, i did not donate any reproductive cells. no, i did not sign any papers. but i am still his mother. motherhood is far more than a cell donor and a legal formality, as i am sure you well know.
venusofwillendorf
01-22-2006, 09:54 PM
and cally, dear, it is not a sympthay bid. it is a statement of truth. whether or not you are a cold hearted bitch is another matter entirely.
PaigeDWinter
01-22-2006, 10:40 PM
Oi.... today was a grand example of why I dont hesitate to backseat parent.
At my retail job, two women came in and let their small (from toddler up to about 5 years old) children run around.
A) They never watched them. Not once. These kids had full run of the entire store, even near the opening doors.
B) These kids had no shoes on, in a public place. With no clear way to tell when the rugs were last cleaned.
C) The very young kids had nothing on but diapers. When it's raining out.
D) They were sticking EVERYTHING in their mouths. From movies to game controllers to candy to plastic to magazines.
E) They were opening candy like mad.
I wanted to beat their mothers with a brick. Seriously. And I told them so.
Bridgette
01-22-2006, 10:56 PM
Well now Paige, that's a whole other story. People like that don't even deserve to have kids in the first place. ugh. And they deserve all the backseat parenting they get. Unfortunately tho, these are exactly the "parents" who will listen the least ::)
venusofwillendorf
01-22-2006, 11:01 PM
perhaps we should really consider the idea of only allowing reproduction for those with licenses......
Prester_John
01-22-2006, 11:45 PM
perhaps we should really consider the idea of only allowing reproduction for those with licenses......
Considering the way we (the human race) are hurtling towards severe overpopulation, that might be a reality in the future.
VenusGoddess
01-23-2006, 01:02 PM
Oi.... today was a grand example of why I dont hesitate to backseat parent.
At my retail job, two women came in and let their small (from toddler up to about 5 years old) children run around.
A) They never watched them. Not once. These kids had full run of the entire store, even near the opening doors.
B) These kids had no shoes on, in a public place. With no clear way to tell when the rugs were last cleaned.
C) The very young kids had nothing on but diapers. When it's raining out.
D) They were sticking EVERYTHING in their mouths. From movies to game controllers to candy to plastic to magazines.
E) They were opening candy like mad.
I wanted to beat their mothers with a brick. Seriously. And I told them so.
See...and that's when you SHOULD say something. And, even tack on the oopy, goopy, sticky, nasty merchandise and candy that they ruined by being allowed to run around like demon spawn. "The total for your adventure today into our lovely store is $x.xx. The total for the opened candy, tapes, and ruined game controllers, comes to $xxx.xx." Parents should totally be put on the spot when their kids are acting inappropriately. I've done it and I'll keep doing it.
Now, to tell someone that you don't like their parenting techniques when their child is behaving or you don't think that they should allow their kids to say the work "sucks" or they should not be exclaiming how beautiful all of the make-up colors are...well, that's a whole other matter entirely. In that case, people are written off as "ignorant dipshit who thinks kids should be seen and not heard." Those kinds of people can kiss my firm, tan hiney. ;)
It seems that people these days only pick the "non-threatening" moments to voice their opinions. They see a child being abused in the store and they turn away embarassed out of fear that the parent will kick their ass, too. But, they'll come up to me and tell me that I shouldn't let me daughter act like a well-behaved 3 year old? WTF? That's not constructive. It's guilt that they didn't say what they felt all the times when they should have.
kitana
01-23-2006, 01:47 PM
^^^ Good call Vg about make the parents pay for what the kiddo ruined.
It would help, if not to give the parents a wake up call when they have to pay for $200 worth of junk their kiddo ruined. Or the get arrested for theft if they don't pay, and social services steps in and takes the kids to a foster care, where they learn better morals, and to act appropriate.
If a kid is loud and just being a kid, I don't mind it as much. But if they are being monsters, ie pulling other peoples hair, or biting slapping, etc... Then I will get involved. I will also get involved if they are being hurt by their parents. I will forgo my personal health to stand up for that child. Nevermind the fact they aren't my kids.
I don't sweat the smaller stuff. Really the only time I care that Darien acts like a statue, is when we are at temple, or at the courthouse (when I pay child support). Or somewhere like that. Other than that, i'm much more relaxed.