View Full Version : suspended for 2 weeks!
bella622
02-09-2006, 08:50 AM
^^ You aren't kicked out of the club, just suspended so you can still visit. Besides you probably know another dancer who loves to gossip, and he must know you'll find out soon enough if anything secretive is going on. Still it is a good theory to test out, just don't make any accusations to you get plenty of corroborated evidence.
Actually, some clubs (like where I work) do enforce that... They don't want you in there if you are given a vacation (suspension)... I do think its a good idea to try to talk to some girls you work with to find out whats going on... That should be easy, dressing room drama (gossip) makes it easy to find out whats going on... Truthfully, I dont think its a good idea to work in the same place as your husband... That seems like a recipe for disaster!!!
I think you should go out and find another club pronto!! But, I would do it when the hubby is at work, dont tell him until you find another job. That being said... Is there another manager/owner you can talk to at your current club that isnt as close with your SO?
mamacita
02-09-2006, 09:35 AM
GreenIDLady, it's so hard to determine what's really going on since none of us are there. Maybe it is that your hubby wants you out of the club for some weird reason like another woman or obsessive worrying about you/your night that keeps him from focusing on work. Or, maybe since he works at the club, he had to act concerned about "disciplining" you, or making an example of you, for the sake of his own job (?), and you were the unlucky person to get busted for drinking when in fact you rarely drink. Could part of his job also involve not being particularly favorable to girls who do not work 3 nights per week? Not trying to make any excuses for him, just wondering if there are expectations of how he behave towards "employees", as far as a floor person goes.
Seems like you two are just caught up in a relationship that also suffers the odd situation of being coworkers. And where coworkers are also able to drink and dance mostly naked. That makes for a complicated life, IMO, having to mix a relationship in with an already difficult job like that, and politics, and of course flirting and booze and all.
Maybe talking to a relationship counselor would help you both to sort out what needs to be done to make things better. An objective opinion always helps, and usually counselors are open people who withhold judgement, so that your line of work should not pose a problem with the counselor or anything (maybe I'm the only one who fears that judgement from others). You've mentioned how dancing has helped you to afford a much better home and lifestyle. I think that your personal life is equally deserving of being "bettered" and cared for (just like your physical living conditions have gotten better over the years). Some relationship counseling is a worthwhile investment, if you ask me. A marriage or any relationship of that many years deserves special care if it's going to be preserved and be fulfilling (unfortunately it takes work, usually). If you remember what made you fall in love with your hubby, and you don't want to see it all dissolve over some misunderstandings or lack of communication, tell him you feel this way and that it's worth it to you to get this stuff worked out!
I feel for you and the stresses you've undergone at that job (I can esp. relate to the VIP hell you posted about awhile back). Positive thoughts and hope being sent your way.
Optimist
02-09-2006, 01:24 PM
Before you all condemn this guy read these www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61307 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61307) www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60585 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60585) www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60279 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60279) www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=59984 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=59984) I think you both have a lot of work to do on your relationship but it's time you went cold turkey. For your own good get back to your counselor and be completely honest so they can help you. PLEASE:-\ ?
greenidlady1
02-09-2006, 01:43 PM
Yes, I have faults of my own but those are different threads and if one wishes to comment on them they can do so without being abusive. We all go through different things at different points in our lives. And those threads was how I was feeling at that time. Did I go out to a bar, alone? No, but I thought about it. Was it wrong to let that custie friend of mine get to close. Yes, it was. But my husband was informed of what happened and I did get my money. I no longer to talk to the man either, BTW. Do I have problems? Absolutely, I do and a lot more than your "Average Joe". Saying this, I am really glad I came here and found a terrific group of people that cared.
If you thought I was such a bad person optimist why were you pming me a while back to find out about working with me. If you have a issue with me personally you can always pm me and let me know. I am not saying I am perfectly right in all situations but just what is going on and how I feel about it.
hannah83
02-09-2006, 01:48 PM
*gives a hug*
we all have our faults and our bad days, and i know that we don't judge you or anyone else for those. Hell i've had my fair share of issues that you all have helped me through. Sometimes it's just easier to get perspective from a strangers' eyes.
If you ever need to talk hun, i'm here for ya! And i'm sure alot of other members would say the same thing!! Don't let anyone get you down...cheer up and go take that weekend to relax and clear your head.
gypsy_girlchild
02-09-2006, 02:13 PM
I'm sending a hug too..
I was having a quite a few relationship probs back then and just coming on this site cheers me up. Let's just listen instead of condemning!
Hell, I have friends that tell me dump my guy, am I going to do it? No, because no one actually listens to their friends! They make their own decisions, good or bad, early or late..
I agree, take some time off and just chill out and think, you are with him for a reason or you would have left forever ago.. I hope it all works out for you either way!!!
lola025
02-09-2006, 08:10 PM
Listen, I wasn't trying to judge you either...I have gotten wasted before and have had my lack of judgment at the club. This is a VERY hard business. I remember when you started here, you were like soo happy and now it's like you're a different person. I don't know you, but just some observations.
This is why i'm not dancing often at all. It would make me crazy I think. i can relate to this type of behavior and the negative thinking. This job can be addicting with the money and could make you feel pretty rotten at times. The first thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself in a negative way and acknowledging and taking responsibility in a positive, constructive way. But I definitely think there's some issues that you need to work on like we all do. This is not to play the blame game but help you... I've been there thinking my life is spinning out of control . :-\
Optimist
02-09-2006, 11:42 PM
Nice try, but you keep evading the point. You can't say that you've gotten drunk twice in the past three years and hubby's overreacting when in four threads you've started in January you mention being drunk many times. You have even mixed alchohol with your antidepressants! That's beyond dangerous. Your behavior has been too out of control for someone so mature and intelligent. PLEASE stop drinking! We care and I care. It's time to face some unpleasant feelings. Don't numb them anymore. I told you in my first PM to take time to take care of your emotional and mental health. I meant it. I'm not here to make you feel good I'm here to care enough to be the bad guy and tell you you're not being honest with yourself. I'm not mad at you and I'd be just as proud to work with you here or in your club. I told you I didn't want to see you hurt yourself and I meant it. By your definition your marriage has problems but you have the power to solve them. Even if it doesn't feel that way. One step at a time you CAN do it!:)
greenidlady1
02-09-2006, 11:45 PM
Drunk at the club I work at here, not in general. I don't have a drinking problem though, although I do have many other problems I admit.
greenidlady1
02-09-2006, 11:56 PM
I rarely smoke pot and never buy it. I have a friend that gives me some once in a while. As far as drinking goes. I haven't had zip in three weeks. I know I was drunk that night three weeks ago. I would say that is 2nd time I had ever been drunk in the history of working at that club in 3 years. I rarely would drink more than two drinks simply because I don't have any tolerance. So, to answer your question I am not an alcoholic or pothead.
I said that was the 2nd time I had ever been drunk in the history of working at that club (my home club) in three years. Just to clarify things. I did also have a stuppor at a club I have worked away from home a few times. I have no reason to lie here. I come here for support not to tell lies and get sympathy for them. You can try to show me out if it makes you feel better about yourself but I will defend myself.
kitana
02-10-2006, 08:31 AM
Nice try, but you keep evading the point. You can't say that you've gotten drunk twice in the past three years and hubby's overreacting when in four threads you've started in January you mention being drunk many times. You have even mixed alchohol with your antidepressants! That's beyond dangerous. Your behavior has been too out of control for someone so mature and intelligent. PLEASE stop drinking! We care and I care. It's time to face some unpleasant feelings. Don't numb them anymore. I told you in my first PM to take time to take care of your emotional and mental health. I meant it. I'm not here to make you feel good I'm here to care enough to be the bad guy...
No offense, but if you cant stop being bitchy and start being truely supportive, then maybe you should just be quiet.
I understand you think you are helping, but you aren't. You are forcing your thoughts on others.
Yeah it's not the best idea to mix liquor and meds, but it's a helluva lot better than heroin, or coke. Hell I have even done it before, and I'm pretty damn straight laced.
Green, it sucks you are in the situation that you are in. Hell hun, I wasn't in the middle of packing/moving soon you would be more than welcome to stay with us as long as you needed. I am here if ya wanna talk, vent, bitch or cry. I have been through a pretty bad marriage myself, so I can kinda understand where you are at.
I'll keep you in my thoughts hun! Good Luck!!!
tampadancer
02-10-2006, 10:07 AM
This is a board for support and constructive criticism.. not attacks.
I think it's obvious that Green is looking for advice and support, not judgement and condemnation. I am not one to quote scripture, but "he who is without sin, cast the first stone" - I think that can be applied here.
Optimist
02-10-2006, 11:46 AM
Support isn't about agreeing with everything someone says. It's about taking all the information they give you and offering informed advice. Remember why she posted, she wanted opinions. I say the same to you Kitana. Please don't mix your meds with alcohol. The warnings on the bottle are serious business. If you need more information speak with your pharmacist. You know what's much better than heroin or coke? Sobriety;) . Oh, and the day "stop drinking address the problems between you because you can do it" becomes bitchiness I will happily be that bitch. Better supportive than silent.
tampadancer
02-10-2006, 12:03 PM
Support isn't about agreeing with everything someone says. It's about taking all the information they give you and offering informed advice.
correct, but support does not include making assumptions about a situation that you have limited knowledge of.
Support isn't about agreeing with everything someone says. It's about taking all the information they give you and offering informed advice. Remember why she posted, she wanted opinions. I say the same to you Kitana. Please don't mix your meds with alcohol. The warnings on the bottle are serious business. If you need more information speak with your pharmacist. You know what's much better than heroin or coke? Sobriety;) . Oh, and the day "stop drinking address the problems between you because you can do it" becomes bitchiness I will happily be that bitch. Better supportive than silent.
Your advice is far from informed.. because your not there. Unless you were conveniently stuck up her ass or something.
Miss Green is obviously grown and asking for advice on HER JOB SITUATION, not her supposed ( as you seem to be so worried about ) addictions.
Actually unless your more informed and have something constructive and supportive to offer. Hush.
People who are hurting don't need to have a finger shaken in their face. Your not her mommy.
Optimist
02-10-2006, 01:36 PM
Search the threads she has offered over the last two months. Don't stop with this one. You'll see her words about her own behavior that she's said she's not happy with. You'll read her asking for help solving what she calls problems. I can only comment on what she's offered all of us for consideration. Her words, her requests. She's asked about whether her manager was justified, whether her husband is out to get her, and whether her marriage should be abandoned. I've addressed all of those questions. Do you think it's good advice to say hey, drinking with your meds is better than doing heroin to a woman who said she felt suicidal last month? PS Why are you all addressing me, then expecting I won't respond? What is this a secret society now?
greenidlady1
02-10-2006, 01:55 PM
I appeciate those of you that have stuck by my side and supported me. It really helps to know that others have been through similiar situations and truly care. I will just try ignore the very few that choose to condemn me.
Optimist
02-10-2006, 01:58 PM
You can do it is not condemnation.
greenidlady1
02-10-2006, 02:01 PM
Before you all condemn this guy read these www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61307 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61307) www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60585 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60585) www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60279 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60279) www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=59984 (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=59984) I think you both have a lot of work to do on your relationship but it's time you went cold turkey. For your own good get back to your counselor and be completely honest so they can help you. PLEASE:-\ ?
Right, but stating not to condemn my husband and pulling old threads out is an attempt to.
There's a big difference between constructive criticism and being hatefully rude - Judgment is not for ANYone to make.
FrustratedBunny
02-10-2006, 02:03 PM
greeneyedlady, sorry you are going through all this. Having never met you but after reading your posts you seem like a real sweet person and I hope everything gets better for you. I've never been married but I'm in a relationship that I have a lot of problems with and I can't tell you how many people have said just to break up with him. It's not always that easy though and it's always complicated and unless you've walked in another person's shoes you really can't tell them what they should do, just offer support. The only suggestion I could make is to try to get some space. I moved out and that helped me a great deal but I'm not married so maybe it's not as easy for you. But at least if you take a vacation or stay with a friend for a bit it might give you a chance to clear your head.
greenidlady1
02-10-2006, 02:05 PM
Thanks Bunny, I am planning on going to Florida next week and work there for a bit. It'll be nice to get away.
Silky
02-10-2006, 03:31 PM
I can see both sides here. It pretty much comes down to the framing of a message. Posting all her thread links could easily be offensive. It is kind of like ..."Here look at all these contadictions!"
On the other hand, I think that Optimist has a right to state how she feels about the situation based on the info she does have on stripperweb... Could have just been done more simple and less "out there". Such as... " In my opinion, from your posts, I feel you may have a drinking problem, I urge you to get help to save your marriage." Using the word "may" when you suggest a drinking problem serves to be less accusatory. Anyway, Green, I hope all goes well with you. One thing i can totally agree with is time off at that day spa. No one can ever go wrong with a little "alone" time to think. You seem to be very warm-hearted... so that will always prevail. You admitted to having other problems... we all do have our share of problems so do not feel alone! No one is perfect, that is what being human is about =) I know none of that is new info, but it helps me to be reminded of those things from time to time!
lola025
02-10-2006, 07:08 PM
I can see both sides here. It pretty much comes down to the framing of a message. Posting all her thread links could easily be offensive. It is kind of like ..."Here look at all these contadictions!"
On the other hand, I think that Optimist has a right to state how she feels about the situation based on the info she does have on stripperweb... Could have just been done more simple and less "out there". Such as... " In my opinion, from your posts, I feel you may have a drinking problem, I urge you to get help to save your marriage." Using the word "may" when you suggest a drinking problem serves to be less accusatory. Anyway, Green, I hope all goes well with you. One thing i can totally agree with is time off at that day spa. No one can ever go wrong with a little "alone" time to think. You seem to be very warm-hearted... so that will always prevail. You admitted to having other problems... we all do have our share of problems so do not feel alone! No one is perfect, that is what being human is about =) I know none of that is new info, but it helps me to be reminded of those things from time to time!
I agree.
kitana
02-10-2006, 11:31 PM
I say the same to you Kitana. Please don't mix your meds with alcohol. The warnings on the bottle are serious business. If you need more information speak with your pharmacist. You know what's much better than heroin or coke?
Blah, blah, blah.....
Optimist, you are not her Dr., her husband, or her mother. Stop acting like it. By "showing that you care" in that manner, you are HURTING the situation, more than helping.
You don't have to like things a person does, but you can still be there to listen and offer CONSTRUCTIVE help and ideas.
HLL I don't like the fact one of my girlfriends was a coke head, but I was still (and am still) there for her if she needed help, and she called me to take her to rehab when she made the decision to go.
Again Green, if you need someone to talk to, let me know. I'll be here.
greenidlady1
02-11-2006, 12:58 AM
Thanks Kitana :hug:
CuriousJ
02-11-2006, 09:53 AM
Green hang in there you will be ok - get your head clear and try and relax . If you need to talk everyone here is behind you - and someone no matter what hour it seems will be online for you at this site .
nikki2florida
02-11-2006, 10:13 AM
Seems to me the only people who had your best interests at heart were Optimist and Steve 65. But maybe I just imagined it because a bunch of posts just disappeared. Oh well maybe I am on line too much.
AudreyLeigh
02-11-2006, 10:27 AM
I just wanted to say Im sorry youre having such a hard time hun. *hug* I think youve received every type of advice out there from a lot of caring people on this board. Its easy to say "leave" or "go to councling" but its a lot easier said than done. Relationships take work...sometimes its hard to let go even if things just arent working. You get comfortable (even tho things are bad).
I encourage you to take some time and try to find *yourself*. You seem lost... You two got together when you were young. People change. They say you are 2 totally different people at 18 and 25. People grow apart. It happens. It doesnt mean youre a bad person... it doesnt mean hes a bad person. It just means that you had 8 years together, at one time you were young and in love... when you get older things that used to matter dont, things that didnt do... marriage is rarely "happily ever after"
Dont feel bad about being confused and lost. Everyone goes through tough times. I encourage you to get back into solo councling... to work on yourself. Where do you want to be in 10 years? It takes courage to change... youre young and beautiful. You have time on your side. You are a good person (I can see from your posts).
I have to say I give you praise for caring... for not running away without trying to make the marriage work. Sometimes theres nothing you can do. You two may want to sit down and have a deep talk. Ask him if he still wants to be married. Tell him what you want. Get your feelings out. Let him know what youre thinking. Read him your posts from SW. Tell him youre hurt and confused. Tell him you need him right now - that youre in a tough time and you need him. Or tell him that youre tired of trying... just TELL HIM. Hell never know what youre feeling if you dont sit down and have a conversation. No yelling, no tv, low lights, just talk. He may be just as confused, lost and hurt as you.. you never know. I think this weekend at the B&B may be a good time to talk. Youre on neutral ground, away from home, away from work, just you and him alone... I dunno... I hope things get better
nikki2florida
02-11-2006, 10:48 AM
Audrey,
Did I miss something?
You said, "I have to say I give you praise for caring... for not running away without trying to make the marriage work"
She is leaving NC and going to Florida? That is not running away?
What did I miss. Posts disappearing and I am lost.
AudreyLeigh
02-11-2006, 11:50 AM
She isnt 'leaving her husband' as in divorce.
She is going to FL to work and make some $$ and get away from the club that keeps suspending her and have some 'alone time'. From what Im gathering shes not leaving for good, just a small vacation.
Maybe Im wrong - have to see what she says! /:O
azcustomer
02-12-2006, 11:49 AM
GreenId -
2cents:
1) Ignore all advice that you do not find completely supportive. Many people with good intents wrongly give advice which is really a subtle rant on their own personal life situation. Nobody knows your situation better than you - ignore all advice which seems judgmental in the least bit.
2) Your husband crossed the line by inserting himself in your career/job in any fashion that is not entirely supportive of YOUR WISHES. Maintaining one's self esteem about their ability to take care of themselves is of PARAMOUNT importance in order to have a healthy relationship. While he may think his actions are justified because he has your best interests at heart - they aren't justified. You may want to think about where this relationship is going and take action about WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST FOR YOU.
I don't have any advice for you on how to handle the situation, but you will find plenty of support here in any actions you take.
Finally - I hope you enjoy your trip to Florida - it sounds like a lot of fun.
tampadancer
02-12-2006, 02:19 PM
yaay! She's coming to work with me...
WATCH OUT TAMPA.. muahahah;D
She just needs a little time to think. Sometimes, it's hard to see things clearly until you can get away for a little while and look at the situation objectively.
velvet
02-12-2006, 03:58 PM
cool you guys have fun and let us know how it goes
greenidlady1
02-15-2006, 11:38 AM
Yes, I just got back today. I plan on going to Tampa for a vacation, not leaving my hubby.
TigersMilk
02-15-2006, 12:05 PM
Good to hear hun. A chance to clear your head and just relax for a second. I hope you feel better today.