View Full Version : Are Your Wives Home When You Come Home From The Club?
azcustomer
06-11-2006, 10:40 AM
first of all, define that touchy feely word, "healthy". secondly, while all this talk about complete honestly and openness is a noble sentiment. i don't think it's practical for many married, sc customers. unless, the other party is very open-minded (and i mean really, really, really, open-minded) or he has nothing to lose.
I deliniate between successful relationships and healthy relationships. Certainly there are many sustained successful relationships where either or both parties allow themselves to completely hide a part of their life from their SO. In my opinion, this isn't a healthy relationship.
And every relationship has it's own set of boundaries and mores arranged between the two. I had a wife who insisted I never go to a SC and had no problem complying.
I think it's also fine to be discreet about informal SC trips with people from work or a buddy just to get away a bit. However if I found myself arranging my weekly schedule so I could hide regular trips from her, then I'd want to engage her in a discussion about my needs in the relationship. (yes, touchy feely)
I've also learned that for many, divorce is a successful relationship.
mr_punk
06-11-2006, 10:04 PM
I deliniate between successful relationships and healthy relationships. Certainly there are many sustained successful relationships where either or both parties allow themselves to completely hide a part of their life from their SO. In my opinion, this isn't a healthy relationship.oh, i see. anyway, thanks for the clarification. BTW, do you watch the Lifetime channel, Oxygen network or read those countless relationship articles or self-help books? i'm asking because this sounds like something you would hear or read in those places.
And every relationship has it's own set of boundaries and mores arranged between the two.true, but as you acknowledged above, "what she doesn't know, won't hurt her". it might not be healthy, but it can be successful.
However if I found myself arranging my weekly schedule so I could hide regular trips from her, then I'd want to engage her in a discussion about my needs in the relationship. (yes, touchy feely)Oprah couldn't have said it better. i suppose, men don't compartmentalize much these days.
GenWar
06-12-2006, 05:23 AM
QUOTE=PleasureVictim:
Another option is to find a wife that doesn't mind you going to a stripclub :)
We're out there somewhere.
Happy hunting!
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Somedays, I really feel like this is the way to go. :-\
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QUOTE=yoda57us:
C'mon Gen, this surprises you? What normal single guy would spend as much time and money in clubs as I do?
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In the immortal words of Officer Willenholly, "Fair enough." I don't know why I missed the obvious logic of this...sometimes, I wonder if I am getting old.
-gen
Vyanka
06-13-2006, 10:19 AM
I'm wondering how would you guys feel if the script was flipped? :D
Mastridonicus
06-13-2006, 10:46 AM
^^- Anyone who doesn't acknowledge that monogamy doesn't mean she's no longer attracted to other members of the opposite sex has security issues. Personally, any relationship is about choice. As long as you choose to be with her, it's a choice not to be with anyone else. Unless you're choosing her as a last resort which is just evil.
If a girl I was dating monogamously were to attend a SC, I am secure enough that any choice she made while there would only reflect the truth in her interest in me. ;) But then again, I don't make it hard for women to just stop talking to me. I'm very supportive in my mates being happy, especially if it isn't with me :D
Vyanka
06-13-2006, 11:13 AM
What if she went behind your back & you didn't know?
I have no problem if my man went to one(which he has & I trust him). It would bother me if he didn't tell me/lied to me. Also if it's for an occasion, not junkie.
I just don't think someone should be lied to by their SO, period. Lies hurt.
Sorry sorry, you guys want to egg on me now. ;D
Mastridonicus
06-13-2006, 01:53 PM
What if she went behind your back & you didn't know?
I have no problem if my man went to one(which he has & I trust him). It would bother me if he didn't tell me/lied to me. Also if it's for an occasion, not junkie.
I just don't think someone should be lied to by their SO, period. Lies hurt.
Sorry sorry, you guys want to egg on me now. ;D
I would never put anyone in my life in a position to fear for my approval in their actions.
It's like this: Do you have to tell him not to go to clubs as a junkie? Or would you really just feel like something was wrong with you two if he did?
That's the issue to address.
There are so many what-if's here, but assume you and I together for 2 months and you went to a SC by yourself. Would I be hurt? Only your actions towards me for the past 2 months would decide whether or not you are a the type of person I shouldn't trust attending these venues, or someone who just went to have a good time and I have nothing to be worry about.
Your use of "Behind your back" suggests you'd be going there with the intention of keeping it a secret and that is because you feel something about it is worth keeping a secret from me. If that's the case, and you don't tell me, I find out? I walk. It's not worth trying to temporarily change who you are so you can just fool me again later down the road. We obviously wouldn't see eye to eye in the plane of respect anyways.
mr_punk
06-13-2006, 10:06 PM
I have no problem if my man went to one(which he has & I trust him). It would bother me if he didn't tell me/lied to me. Also if it's for an occasion, not junkie.sure. ironically, that's why many strippers want to be standing right over their SO shoulders, if (assuming she approves) he wants to go a sc. they have a better idea than most women about can happen in those dark and private areas. which is also why many junkies keep their traps shut and go behind their SO backs. they know that the other person will be devastated at the news.
I just don't think someone should be lied to by their SO, period. Lies hurt.well, don't think of it as a lie. think of it as male stress management for the good of the relationship.
CarGuy
06-14-2006, 06:15 AM
well, don't think of it as a lie. think of it as male stress management for the good of the relationship.
Ahhh...Yes. I prefer to just not tell my wife. And yes, I have most likely stretched the truth a bit...but so fricken what! She would get mad...but she would get over it....I just prefer to skip some details to eliminate the drama.
You only live once, I could drop dead at any time. My brother in Law dropped dead on my parents steps at age 38, left my sister, and two very young kids...bottom line is, I do what i want when I want and I take care of my wife and kids. What I decide to do in my free time is up to me.
lopaw
06-14-2006, 08:51 PM
Ahhh...Yes. I prefer to just not tell my wife. And yes, I have most likely stretched the truth a bit...but so fricken what! She would get mad...but she would get over it....I just prefer to skip some details to eliminate the drama.
You only live once, I could drop dead at any time. I do what i want when I want and I take care of my wife and kids. What I decide to do in my free time is up to me.
My feelings exactly.
Only I skip ALL the details, not just some.
Casual Observer
06-15-2006, 07:28 AM
I might add that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about because I've never been married. Possibly because I'm just not the marrying kind--I'm the type to suggest the outings to the local SC, not the type who waits at home with the rolling pin.
Nic's desirability aside, that's really the crux of the issue; if your SO doesn't like the idea of SCing, she really shouldn't be your SO. At least not for me, anyway.
Susan Wayward
06-15-2006, 09:39 AM
^^ You know, that works for our generation, since I think it's probably reasonably easy to find a cool, professional woman who isn't threatened by porn or strippers -- my best girlfriends, who are in academia or the arts, sure aren't, and neither am I. But it's probably different for those of JZ's generation (not to make you seem old-fashioned).
But I totally agree with JZs general idea that even within a longterm, monogomous relationship both partners still need a piece of their life that's private and theirs. You have to have some space of your own. Whether that's clubs or golf or knitting circles is up to you.
Nicolina
06-15-2006, 07:32 PM
Nic's desirability aside, that's really the crux of the issue; if your SO doesn't like the idea of SCing, she really shouldn't be your SO. At least not for me, anyway.
Well. I do think it depends on the nature of the SCing. If I ever thought a guy of mine was getting PL'd, I'd probably walk.
Of course, the guys like yourself who understand the game are far less likely to go PL/RIL on anyone. However. Few are entirely immune (note that I didn't say 'none'--mr. punk and his ilk come to mind), and the more time you spend around dancers, the greater the probability that you'll get blindsided by some lovely young nekkid chick's charms. Just the laws of numbers.
Theoretically speaking, I'd sorta rather date Punk than a PL. Punk's transactions are far less messy. (Well, perhaps not literally...but you all know what I mean! :P)
From the Girlfriend's perspective:
Casual custies are cool
SCJ's are cool--as long as they can keep things in perspective.
Raincoaters are bad (unless it's a happily twisted relationship and i get to cum too.)
PLs are really bad.
RIL's are the worst.
(Well, perhaps that list is specific to this particular girlfriend...)
SportsWriter2
06-16-2006, 05:09 AM
Theoretically speaking, I'd sorta rather date Punk than a PL. Punk's transactions are far less messy. (Well, perhaps not literally...but you all know what I mean! :P)
Emotionally abused a little, then rimmed, then left alone. Theoretically speaking, of course. :P
CarGuy
06-16-2006, 06:23 AM
What is a RIL? PL I got....not sure about the other.
easy_e
06-16-2006, 06:40 AM
^^^^^^
RIL = regular in love. Not a good thing, or so I've heard.
mr_punk
06-23-2006, 08:44 AM
Emotionally abused a little, then rimmed, then left alone. Theoretically speaking, of course.:rotfl:no, sporty. i've never done all three to a woman. i've done maybe two..tops.
devilkitty
09-13-2006, 08:05 PM
Who actually has a wife that is o.k with it and maybe occasionally goes with?
Smokeless
09-13-2006, 10:38 PM
Why would marriage matter? Why would you need to go to such trouble to hide having been to the club? Why stay married to someone who is so jealous and possessive that she'd get mad over a strip-club visit?
Ahhh!! Good question, indeed! My wife has been jealous of other women I have known all during our relationship, and I've always had close non-sexual friendships with other women, many of which I had to end or seriously cut back after marriage. I have former employees from past companies I've been in, who also happen to be good friends of my wife. But when I mention them, my wife still accuses me of "having a crush" on them. Whether I do or not, why does it matter? Nonetheless, this is just how she is, and I barely tolerate it for the other considerable good parts of our relationship.
So, just imagine how she might react when I come home with another woman's smell on me! And the other woman is a stripper! Oi! Not something I wish to chance. So, I schedule my trips when (1) she's out of town, (2) she's got something unavoidable scheduled with no chance of letting out early, (3) I can schedule a trip to the gym -- fortunately the local club is on the way, or (4) I'm out of town.
Interestingly, I probably wouldn't do this were she more tolerant of my existing female friends, but alternative female companionship is something I need, even if it is an ephemeral, paid relationship. I choose the stripclub instead of something more extreme because it is relatively tame and safe, with only a little edge.
Smokeless
09-13-2006, 10:48 PM
But put yourself in the shoes of, say, mr. punk's wife. (or, on second thought, don't do that. it might cause some sort of permanent damage. Though I can't help but think that he might be a really nice guy in his non-SCJ persona. I admit to a morbid curiosity about this.) ... I'm just trying to walk a mile in the other person's moccasins...
I'd just axe the wife.
Oh, Nicolina! Perhaps I shall have to follow M's advice and drop the wife. Because I believe I'm in love with you!
Smokeless
09-13-2006, 10:56 PM
I guess I've just never been so insecure that I would feel threatened by a stripper. Even if he gets a mileagey lapdance, what's that got to do with me? It's his business and I'm the one he comes home to. If it takes nothing away from me, then I don't care. I'm the one he shares his life and his bed with. I would hate to think that the only thing stopping my guy from behaving like an ass is the fear of getting caught by me. I would rather be with someone who I know to be a good person who loves me deep down, than someone who only pretends to be because he's afraid I'll yell at him.
Maybe it's a security/insecurity thing, I don't know. I have noticed that most women are very insecure, and I don't know why. Men are really quite easy to please and there's no need to be that way.
Yekhefah, I think you are right on target. It's the insecurity. What I can't understand is why my wife, who is such an incredible, dynamic woman, would have such insecurity. Oh well, I can't and never will be able to explain. I just adjust to it.
Neville
10-05-2006, 11:04 PM
Well, my girlfriend actually enjoys coming to the strip clubs with me. And she knows that I go and is fine with it, seeing as we're living in different cities while I'm based here in the US. Quite understanding, really. :)