View Full Version : seeing a stripper outside the club
dlabtot
06-15-2006, 03:36 PM
A relationship tends to remain the way it was initially set up.
Which is why you almost never hear of people getting divorced. Relationships and the people in them don't change, they remain static.
::)
CustomerFromHell
06-15-2006, 03:38 PM
Apply this - would you openly and actively pursue someone to date at your job?
What makes this any different. Different setting, same principal.
I have a simple policy for dating at work: QUIT FIRST. If you want the person that bad, then you won't mind quitting, and if you aren't willing to quit, then you should realize you don't want them. I should add, however, that one time I quit a job by telling the HR chick that I was fucking someone from the company and didn't like to mix business with pleasure, and my stock shot up quickly. It was a lie, I just wanted out, but they all thought I was some type of stud and rewrote the term "golden parachute."
People pursue women at work all the time (I don't), and many women take jobs where they know they are what Mystery calls "hired guns," or women hired for looks. I view women who exploit their looks in regular jobs to be worse than strippers since they are harming qualified workers who shouldn't have to compete with that, and I don't want anyone that unethical as my wife or raising any kids I might have, but that's just me.
I know there are many stupid men out there who will never change, and I like to observe the industry now as a barometer of collective male stupidity, since giving women money takes away the one thing that might have motivated them to fuck a guy they otherwise wouldn't.
People who date their co-workers are foolish, to shit where you eat so to speak is unprofessional and just bad business. It affects everyone you work with and frankly in the eyes of a dancer's co-workers makes the stripper who does simply put a whore.
Forgive me if my language and to the point terminology offends, but in my experience - which by the way is well rounded, it doesn't and usually wont work.
CustomerFromHell
06-15-2006, 04:12 PM
People who date their co-workers are foolish, to shit where you eat so to speak is unprofessional and just bad business. It affects everyone you work with and frankly in the eyes of a dancer's co-workers makes the stripper who does simply put a whore.
Forgive me if my language and to the point terminology offends, but in my experience - which by the way is well rounded, it doesn't and usually wont work.
Ever wonder why an office job that only requires a high-school diploma pays $45k a year and requires overtime and travel?
Single moms get trapped in these jobs all the time. I know one who had to kiss her boss on the lips every morning. She had a kid and would have been blacklisted. Then again, at least she had the paycheck, as other women would have gladly traded places with her. Hell, I might even have if I thought I was his type.
It's not such a simple choice as life doesn't run on Monopoly Money.
laplover69
06-15-2006, 05:51 PM
Never fall in love with a Stripper
Part 1-The Encounter
Never fall in love with a stripper son, she's sure to break your
heart.
You'll end up in a coiled web and soon be torn apart.
Her beauty is amazing, her soul it shines intense, her body is a work
of art from which there's no defense.
She'll captivate you with desire; you'll lose your way it seems,
Her pleasantries engulf your thoughts and permeate your dreams.
Imagination running wild, each step she closer moves,
Her eyes enchanting meet yours in fire; she closes on your grove.
The sensuality extreme, the eros so sublime
She welcomes you into her world, a fantasy in time.
She'll placate all your questions, advise you in return,
"You are the only one for her", your passion starts to burn.
Enveloped by her glory, enchantedly demure,
Anticipation takes control and spins a deadly lure.
The club is closing quickly you realize your fate,
You better make your move real quick; it's getting much too late.
You've spent eight hundred dollars, perhaps a little more,
You need two questions answered before you close the door.
What is your real name my dear, and what pray tell your number?
You wait for her polite reply while stifling your "hunger."
"My real name is Vicki*, my number is right here,
I'd love to see you real soon, from me there's none to fear"
"I'll call you in a short time", I state in timid voice,
"I'll take you out to dinner, and you can make the choice."
Part 2
Ouch
Lunches, dinners, shopping, and times spent tenderly,
You really feel you love this girl; she fills your heart with glee.
You've never met a gem like this; you'll never so again,
She's nice, she's warm, she's confident and soon you wonder when?
When will her lips and yours first meet, when will the dream unfold?
When will your bodies meet entwined suffice ecstatic goal?
You need to know, you need to ask, the fever is unkempt,
"Do I mean anything to her or should I now repent?"
And so with courage, truth and hope you pose the query thus,
Do I mean anything to you and what is all this fuss?
"Do you mean anything to me? She whispers in you ear"?
Of course you do you silly boy why else would I be here?
"I now can pay my car loan, my boyfriend's Visa card,
I never need go to a store, not even out my yard."
"You're such a nice and humble guy; you've given me so much,
And all I ever had to give was skin for you to touch.
"I thought you knew this business, I thought you knew the game,
There is nothing of real in this it all is very plain."
"You mean the world to me kind man; it's ALL by my design,
I thank you very much my dear, my little dollar sign!"
Part 3
Epilogue
I still recall our moments, illusions manifold,
and how I let my honest heart refuse to be so cold.
I thought she really liked me, perhaps a hint of love,
I used to think she's heaven sent, an angel from above.
Reality is stark my friend, and sometimes hard to find.
But one thing that I've learned from this, sweet strippers make us
blind.
So take my words to heart; Believe! And stop a sec to think,
Is what you feel, the real thing, or brought on by 6 drinks.
Have fun, enjoy, partake of life, be in control of you
And never let a stripper in, because they are like glue.
Never fall in love with a stripper son, she'll always break your heart
You'll always be her ATM at whom she'll aim her dart!
Ever wonder why an office job that only requires a high-school diploma pays $45k a year and requires overtime and travel?
Single moms get trapped in these jobs all the time. I know one who had to kiss her boss on the lips every morning. She had a kid and would have been blacklisted. Then again, at least she had the paycheck, as other women would have gladly traded places with her. Hell, I might even have if I thought I was his type.
It's not such a simple choice as life doesn't run on Monopoly Money.
I am not going to argue with you. What I have stated in my posts is fact from my point of view.
lola025
06-15-2006, 07:18 PM
Oh, my goodness! This is such a wonderful thread...Now I don't feel so bad for not tipping or not buying dances even as I sit there and gawk at the naked girls all night. Because I would hate for them to lose Respect for me, ya know.
wth??!! Well speaking for myself, I enjoy the company of some customers and i can become really fond of some genuinly. If they spend money on me I have a lot of respect them and truly appreciate them, given that they're respectful and we have good communication. It's those kind of customers that keep me in this business like this guy I sat w/ last nite...great conversation, dances and just an overall great time. Sometimes I wonder about keeping in touch OTC and although maybe I would like to, it would not happen. It's just a rule of mine. period.
Smith
06-15-2006, 10:26 PM
I think this thread is no longer relevant for me as my "naked friend" has set the stage for setting aside most if not all of the relationship limits and control she had imposed previously. She has enjoyed our "friend dates" enormously. Now she wants to do something she admits is/will be a real date. Not just any "real date" either but she wants our first one to be the activity that two different women (at different times of course) have fallen further and deeply in love with me. I like to ask my long time ex's (I've never been maried to take "ex" into context.) what I did right after we have a couple years to heal. I have always been surprised what they said. All I think I did was have a good time at the zoo and be my naturally fascinated and curious self.
SportsWriter2
06-16-2006, 04:43 AM
The only time I dated a customer: He came in, tipped me a few bucks onstage, I sat with him after, he pulled my hair and asked me if his eyes looked like he just got out of jail...I went home with him that night, fucked him, and I was with him for the next three years.
There you go, Smith. If you see one you like and she crawls from dollar to dollar on stage, invite her over and pull her hair. In back, underneath, close to the roots, so no one else will notice. If she has that OMG look on her face, she'll answer booty calls for up to three years. ;)
Not one of my healthier relationships, I might add.
Not to worry, the hottest ones never are. :)
NoCoverLover
06-16-2006, 07:23 PM
I hope we haven't confused Mr. Smith too much! /:O
Dating strippers is a lost cause, as most have said here.
Dude, you are overanalizing things. Take some advice, go out to a regular bar and pick up some girls. You'll have a lot more fun, and you won't have to overcome the 'customer' problem!
Smith
06-18-2006, 09:46 AM
Thanks for the advice. I wish I could feel comfortable in regular bars approaching women who look as good as the strippers I've pursued. For some reason all it takes is one to roll her eyes at me and my weekend is ruined. I'm neither tall, athletic-and-toned, nor with incredibly symetrical features.
Richard_Head
06-18-2006, 11:17 AM
I think this thread is no longer relevant for me as my "naked friend" has set the stage for setting aside most if not all of the relationship limits and control she had imposed previously. She has enjoyed our "friend dates" enormously. Now she wants to do something she admits is/will be a real date. Not just any "real date" either but she wants our first one to be the activity that two different women (at different times of course) have fallen further and deeply in love with me. I like to ask my long time ex's (I've never been maried to take "ex" into context.) what I did right after we have a couple years to heal. I have always been surprised what they said. All I think I did was have a good time at the zoo and be my naturally fascinated and curious self.::) Don't you get it yet? It's all part of the game. LOL, it's called stringing along the PL as long as possible. My advise, cut your loses now with what little dignity you have left.
Jenny
06-18-2006, 11:25 AM
Thanks for the advice. I wish I could feel comfortable in regular bars approaching women who look as good as the strippers I've pursued. For some reason all it takes is one to roll her eyes at me and my weekend is ruined.
Honey; this could tell you something. Again - I mean this in the nicest possible way - find your level. If you are not good looking (and I don't really know what you look like - you could look just fine, and just be being hard on yourself) what gives you the idea that you DESERVE to date really good looking women? I'm not saying you don't - I'm just saying it is not an entitlement. If the women you like don't like you, it's time to find women who do. Maybe you could try approaching women who are slightly less good looking (in your opinion) that the strippers you have (unsuccessfully) pursued? Maybe they will less likely to roll their eyes and reject you? Trust me - looks are completely irrelevant anyways. After 3 weeks you don't even really notice anymore - beauty or non-beauty is just another identifying characteristic. So you are really putting yourself through all this nonsense just so you can sit around for 2 weeks being facinated with some girl's looks. It seems really silly when you think about it.
dlabtot
06-18-2006, 11:56 AM
Thanks for the advice. I wish I could feel comfortable in regular bars approaching women who look as good as the strippers I've pursued. For some reason all it takes is one to roll her eyes at me and my weekend is ruined. I'm neither tall, athletic-and-toned, nor with incredibly symetrical features
Work out those self-esteem issues and you might do a lot better.
As far as the suggestion that 'looks are completely irrelevant' -- that's ridiculous. It's all relevant.
dayzed
06-18-2006, 12:52 PM
Has anyone had luck meeting OTS (outside of the salon)? This girl Jessica that cuts my hair is beyond amazing. She constantly (well, once every four weeks -- three in summer) compliments my thick head of hair ("you'll never go bald" being her fave refrain ::)), and -- I'm almost embarrassed to say -- occasionally grazes her breasts across my shoulder (I can tell by how she intensely studies the nape of my neck that she does this for no other customer.)
I can sense by her kindness and interest that she would prefer to remove the financial component from our relationship, but she is probably hesitating to do so for fear of angering salon management. I consider myself an aggressive/proactive male, so I am thinking of conveniently "forgetting" my wallet next time and seeing how she reacts. However, advice from any others who have scored with a stylist would be much appreciated.
threlayer
06-18-2006, 01:01 PM
Maybe if you didn't try so hard to come on to them. If some gal will let you innocently and playfully talk to her (jokes, some city event etc), even if she is not at the highest beauty level, and she wil engage you in conversation, it's an opening. Maybe some other gal whose looks you like better will think that since some gal will talk with you, that maybe you aren't a complete louse and maybe someone who can liven up things for her at the bar.
If you enjoy your sanity, you will lose all thoughts of dating a stripper. That's for some graduate-level advance course in social survival. You aren't there yet. Besides who said that better at sex and loving than civilians?
kikin
06-18-2006, 01:11 PM
That is a troll feigning bad grammar and diction.
Smith
06-18-2006, 01:58 PM
::) Don't you get it yet? It's all part of the game. LOL, it's called stringing along the PL as long as possible. My advise, cut your loses now with what little dignity you have left.
You must be right. :'( After she started to talk about making plans and I posted the above, she stopping calling for two and a half days.
She called today just to say "Hi". She was at her brothers house so said she could not talk more than a minute. When I made the mistake to ask her if she had checked her voicemails and what is going on since I had not heard from her, she acted exasperated saying I just told you I left my phone in a friends car so I HAVE NO PHONE (her emphasis). (very likely true btw)
But the point is that she left me hanging and could have used her neighbors phone to call me (they feel sorry for her and will always let her) so therefore she is playing me right especially considering she did not even bring up, when she called today, the logistics of planning the date we were hoping to have this week?
How *do* I save what little dignity I have left? I think I'll just tell her that if she is not interested in meaningful or sexual things on the day she calls to not waste my time as there are others (but less hot) who are interested so I'm going to spend my time with them instead. That keeps me as a good guy still?
birdguya
06-18-2006, 03:52 PM
Damn I wish I was a stripper I would love to get all HIS $$$$$$$$$. I would just be this sweet little girl that needs to help all the time, all I need is $$$$ so I can buy a car, condo,property in Fla, PR,NY,CALI, just give me all your money you dumb s---.Just go to the club get your dances go home, end of STORY!
Mastridonicus
06-18-2006, 04:03 PM
How *do* I save what little dignity I have left? I think I'll just tell her that if she is not interested in meaningful or sexual things on the day she calls to not waste my time as there are others (but less hot) who are interested so I'm going to spend my time with them instead. That keeps me as a good guy still?
Ok, "meaningful or sexual things"? Sounds like your really saying "If I'm not getting laid I must be failing"
Look the dignity issue you need to scrap. It's lost. You're only way to start down the road to value is to show a willingness to walk away and just drop her.
What jenny says is true but it requires a step before. You need to look in the mirror and say "This is what I want in life" Even if it changes... what do you want NOW? THEN you need to ask yourself "What do I expect a guy to be doing/look like/act like/carry himself/...etc etc etc that wants this kind of life" And start doing those things.
You mention you're an ugly person. You could look like Brad Pitt, no Brad Pitt Fan hottie wants to sit there and tell you how you shouldn't be so down on yourself. If you think you're ugly, then you project that. NO ONE WANTS TO CHANGE YOUR THINKING, YOU HAVE TO WANT THAT. AND IT STARTS WITH HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF. Believe it or not, looks just get you in the door, sir.
Once you figure out what you want start working on yourself. If it's to date hot women, then fine. For me it was to be more active. So I started going to the gym started getting out, started meeting people, started traveling, working harder, joined a volleyball team, got a bike, and you know what? As a bi-product of that process the women came. (No pun intendid). But no A-Quality female wants to be the best thing that happened to you. They just want to be with you/help you while you're achieving that. And vice versa of course.
Be in control. And move on. And stay out of the strip clubs.
Richard_Head
06-18-2006, 04:33 PM
But no A-Quality female wants to be the best thing that happened to you. I love that quote, it's so true. Good advice Mast, well except for the part about staying out of strip clubs, go ahead and keep going if you enjoy it, just don't be going expecting/hoping to find a girlfriend. Cut off all the money right now Smith, even for Subway, that should take care of the problem in no time.
itsthatguy
06-18-2006, 08:02 PM
Dude, you might be a troll, but you should totally rent "The Tao of Steve". It might not help you do anything but feel better.
Smith
06-18-2006, 08:44 PM
Thanks Richard_Head! I'll cut off the cash. I think she would manipulate me out of anything less cut and dry. Thanks all for your help. I guess this resolves it.
I've let all the other slights slide but I can't have you all thinking I'm ugly and not confident:
But no A-Quality female wants to be the best thing that happened to you.
You mention you're an ugly person.
My image/wardrobe/etc. are carefully chosen by an image consultant who is seen often on TV and in newspapers so yes I'm confident that I look just fine. My weight is getting to be pretty good as I've lost 45 lbs since December. I don't need to change my thinking (except for the stripper problems). I'm plenty confident, and women recognize it at work. Just none of those women for the rest of our lives would make my heart skip a beat every time they wear a short black dress. Life it too short to deny myself such things if they are possible, but I guess I'll just have to find someone who is not a stripper.
Since people think I'm a troll, I guess this will be my last post in this thread. PM sometime if you want to talk about this or hear what ended up happening with her in the end (if you are reading this thread months later).
Richard_Head
06-18-2006, 09:30 PM
Thanks Richard_Head! I'll cut off the cash. I think she would manipulate me out of anything less cut and dry. Thanks all for your help. I guess this resolves it. Why do I highly doubt that this is resolved? Come on, be a sport, keep us updated. I hope that you're not taking things here personally, everyone (well almost everyone) is just trying to help you out.
Smith
06-19-2006, 07:55 AM
Only since you are asking...
She called last night. She did schedule two hours where for the first time we'd work out and then swim on Wednesday (yeah!).
But then she mentioned some things so casually that were absolutely deal breakers expecting that I'd put up with it.
She denied that our first real date (to the zoo and on hold due to "weather") is "like a real date" when I suggested bringing her kid along is inappropriate since it is "like a real date". All I said in reply was I guess it is ok to bring your kid then.
When I asked how bartending is going, she said she guesses there is no bartending job since the owner "did not return her calls and she only has his cell phone" after her afternoon of training. I did not confront her on why she had not just gone in on the days she supposedly was already scheduled to work or found another bartending job (since it did not even take her a day to supposedly get that one).
She guesses she will have to go back to full-time dancing since she is so poor she had to ask her father to give her gas money so she could visit on fathers day. One time I told her I'd call her a bitch, ask her if she enjoyed messing with my head for cash, and hang up on her if she ever said that "casually". All I said was "Oh well at least you got to take a break". A whole month living on my charity with me expecting nothing in return because I was dumb enough to unexpectedly offer to support her until one of the million other bartending jobs worked out after she threw an absolute fit at the strip club upon finding out her bartending job there fell though.
When I suggested we put the ymca membership (that I was going to buy her) in her name so I would not be in the position when she was not talking to me in three months to have to cancel it, she said "What the Hell?!" and hung up on me. I did not even get to the point that she really should pay for it too since it was only $40/month. My will was weakening I started thinking about maybe she could dance for me before the gym for the cash so good thing she hung up! Guess we aren't going swimming Wednesday.
Lurker
06-19-2006, 08:18 AM
Has anyone had luck meeting OTS (outside of the salon)? This girl Jessica that cuts my hair is beyond amazing. She constantly (well, once every four weeks -- three in summer) compliments my thick head of hair ("you'll never go bald" being her fave refrain ::)), and -- I'm almost embarrassed to say -- occasionally grazes her breasts across my shoulder (I can tell by how she intensely studies the nape of my neck that she does this for no other customer.)
I can sense by her kindness and interest that she would prefer to remove the financial component from our relationship, but she is probably hesitating to do so for fear of angering salon management. I consider myself an aggressive/proactive male, so I am thinking of conveniently "forgetting" my wallet next time and seeing how she reacts. However, advice from any others who have scored with a stylist would be much appreciated.
;D ;D ;D
Richard_Head
06-19-2006, 04:27 PM
Thanks for the update Smith, stay strong.
All Good Things
06-19-2006, 10:32 PM
I guess I'll just have to find someone who is not a stripper.
Ding, ding, ding, DING!
Oh, sorry, let's try that from a different angle.
It seems to me that you are trying way, way too hard. My honest advice to you is to quit the pursuit and try being yourself. Seriously. If a dancer wants to date you (rather than mercilessly take financial advantage of you and work you hard as an OTC customer with no benefits -- not that there's anything wrong with that) then she will let you know. Explicity. Without even a shadow of a doubt. Dancers are generally very good at this.
Meanwhile, I'm sure you understand that she was not at her brother's when she couldn't talk, she did not lose her cell, the bartender job was not real, etc. This is a bit of a game, and you have to understand the rules and be willing to play to enjoy it. If you are not enjoying supporting her for the very sake of supporting her (there's nothing wrong with that, either), then you need to separate yourself from the situation and seek out a real relationship.
When you are dealing with dancers, let those relationships come to you.
Bridgette
06-22-2006, 09:12 AM
Thanks for the advice. I wish I could feel comfortable in regular bars approaching women who look as good as the strippers I've pursued. For some reason all it takes is one to roll her eyes at me and my weekend is ruined. I'm neither tall, athletic-and-toned, nor with incredibly symetrical features.Then quit trying to go for the hottest ones in the bar - go for some that are attractive but who don't get hit on by every other damn dude in the bar. You'll increase your chances.
And quit pursuing the strippers. We don't date customers. You are forever going to be a customer. Yes, we might occasionally date guys who go to the strip clubs, but not CUSTOMERS.
toplessnewb
06-22-2006, 09:53 AM
I'm digging on the bullet points. Thats some fancy powerpoint you got, tex.
Keep shoelaces out of reach
Meth is bad for you
The Smiths were cool. Smith... not all that cool.
trainfinder22
06-22-2006, 05:13 PM
Well... My luck is that I know as person first then she confesses to me that she was a "Dancer" and pulls out club pictures that are 5 years old
Casual Observer
06-22-2006, 05:16 PM
Seriously. If a dancer wants to date you (rather than mercilessly take financial advantage of you and work you hard as an OTC customer with no benefits -- not that there's anything wrong with that) then she will let you know. Explicity. Without even a shadow of a doubt. Dancers are generally very good at this.
Why isn't this auto-posted as the second entry in redundant threads like this, and subsequently locked thereafter?
CO, I hear what you are saying. This subject has been discussed ad naseum. The automatic stuff I dunno but your post was #83 which would indicate member interest even if the thread topic is borderline. Jay and I tend to be hands off in our sections and if a lot of members post and everyone pretty much behaves we generally let it ride til people get bored with it and the thread moves off the front page.
FBR
jannisary
06-22-2006, 08:37 PM
I think there is a huge difference between trying to date a dancer and trying to buy a dancer's affection. Isn't that what was really going on with the OP? "A whole month living on my charity with me expecting nothing in return", you were expecting something or this thread wouldn't be here.
Maybe I'm just in a crabby ass mood tonight but I'm sick of reading thread after thread from one chump or another crying in his cherios about how he got played by a stripper. I don't feel one ounce of pity for these guys. Why? Because when you boil their stories down they all have the same basic element. "I spent $x, I gave her y$$,.... I really thought she liked me."
I don't think that shit really fools anybody. You may not be outright offerring the woman $$$ for a relationship or sex but its basically the same thing in a more indirect fashion. Now some women might be all right with that, but it seems to me a lot still believe in all that "romantic" stuff. Money can buy companionship and sex but I don't believe it can really buy love.
One of the stereotypes I know you ladies of stripperweb hate is the stereotype of dancers having broke loser boyfriends. Well at least the broke losers aren't trying to buy their way into your hearts.
Nicolina
06-22-2006, 08:46 PM
"A whole month living on my charity with me expecting nothing in return", you were expecting something or this thread wouldn't be here.
Yup.
Well at least the broke losers aren't trying to buy their way into your hearts.
Bingo.
Mastridonicus
06-22-2006, 08:47 PM
Everytime it's brought up tho, it's a newbie and a world of new posters with advice to offer. It's kinda neat to watch how the answer is always the same in the end.
Well at least the broke losers aren't trying to buy their way into your hearts.
No, they're too busy trying to tell you about their band and how famous they are going to be.
:D
jannisary
06-22-2006, 09:03 PM
No, they're too busy trying to tell you about their band and how famous they are going to be.
:D
NO! Damn, I should have never given up on the piano!
Jenny
06-22-2006, 10:26 PM
Maybe I'm just in a crabby ass mood tonight but I'm sick of reading thread after thread from one chump or another crying in his cherios about how he got played by a stripper. I don't feel one ounce of pity for these guys. Why? Because when you boil their stories down they all have the same basic element. "I spent $x, I gave her y$$,.... I really thought she liked me."
Well, what really kills it in this thread is that he is complaining about women who insist that they DON'T like him, who tell him that their "dates" are not real dates, and that they think of him as a customer. He is insisting that they are lying, or something, that they really DO like him and in fact are dating him, their contrary thoughts notwithstanding and is very angry when it turns out that, all along, they were telling the truth. I mean normally the complaints we get are all the other way around - she said she liked me and really want to go out with me.
Luke34
06-24-2006, 08:27 PM
Well, what really kills it in this thread is that he is complaining about women who insist that they DON'T like him, who tell him that their "dates" are not real dates, and that they think of him as a customer. He is insisting that they are lying, or something, that they really DO like him and in fact are dating him, their contrary thoughts notwithstanding and is very angry when it turns out that, all along, they were telling the truth. I mean normally the complaints we get are all the other way around - she said she liked me and really want to go out with me.
I am so confused. Me thinks Smith is getting bad drugs.
itsthatguy
06-24-2006, 11:10 PM
I'm probably just a jerk but I don't like complicated relationships with phone-tag and everything else you're describing. I like things simple and uncomplicated.
I enjoy the dancers that I enjoy, and I'm happy it stays in the club. This being the smaller town that it is, I have gotten to know ex-dancers (thankfully they never danced for me, otherwise no friendship, I think) and like I said, they are mere mortals like the rest of us. Sometimes I see them OTC, and I just wink, wave, smile and keep their "secret identity". They're human beings, like you and me. Only they make a living looking good naked.
They range from fun to boring.
Let me tell you about the relationships I get into from time to time:
They get total honesty from me. This is when I work, this is why I can't hang out with you tonight, this is why she found my stash of Pauly Shore movies, what the hell is wrong with me for liking Pauly Shore movies,etc, etc.
And I think they're upfront with me. If we're not really dating, then, well, we're going to go out and have a blast doing platonic stuff. And I'm going to hit on other women. Hey, if we're "just friends", then we're "just friends".
If I were rich, it would be fun for me to have the sort of OTC "not a girlfriend" relationship some guys write about here. I would love to be a high-roller, tell my ATF to meet me at the mall and I'd buy her something pretty, buy her a nice dinner, and hell, well, if I didn't get any, oh well. I wouldn't even expect it. It would be like entertaining royalty or a celebrity to me. I had that experience of being a big-shot, people would have seen me out with some babe, and the attention I got would be enough. Really, I shit you not.
I don't mean that they know my whole frickin' life story and my neurosis, but they know where I'm at, they know where I'm going to be, when I work, etc, etc. And a date is a date, and a friend-date is a friend-date.
My suggestion is take any confidence you've gotten from hanging out with this beauty OTC, go into some nice neighborhood bar, head held high, and own that damn place. Walk in there, and say (to yourself, inner voice plz) "Everybody here is cool. And I'm cool They don't know it yet, but I am. That girl, there. I am going to smile at her and feel good about it."
I'm going to An acquintance of mine looks like he needs to have his mugshot in the post office, but he's so damn confident he gets some pretty great women.
Sorry for the post, I was out tonight..drinky drinky.
toplessnewb
06-25-2006, 08:07 AM
Hey hun, it sucks to dump a guy or get dumped. But ranting on and on pretending to be some pathetic dude [that dumped you or you dumped] won't get you better. It's super hard for your friends to be honest with you about this, but somebody has to. Trust me, we all know it.
Put the incredible creative energy you are injecting into your writing online pining over him, into finding someone new to share your life with. Soon enough you'll forget all about "that guy" that seems so difficult to forget right now.
Understand you're not the first girl to go through this, and that your friends love you.
Smith
06-25-2006, 09:16 AM
OMG it has been hard to not reply to some of these posts. I have writen four responses over the past six days that I ended up deciding not to post.
This is not a short period of interaction where she says she is not interested and I don't believe her. This is a dramatic five months with a story line that reads like the first 2/3 of a bad movie love story.
Got a call that went to voicemail before I could answer it while I was writing this.
According to it she had a reason she did not call me Friday morning (it is noon Sunday) like she said she would Thursday night despite me saying I would be upset if she set the expectation and did not live up to it. [I came to our club at her request to pick up the phone I had loaned her. She was bartending although it was unsure if she would get the actual job for more than just one night and/or if she would end up dancing again]
She claimed the neighbor that lets her use his phone has been out of town and that I know she has no other phone. She said she is sick and feels like shit, and her voice sounded like it. She says she'll try to call me back later, but does not want to bother her neighbor a lot since he just got back into town an hour ago.
This translation sound accurate?
I'm trying to keep you uncomfortable and off balance by letting you wonder what is going on when I become unreachable for exactly 2.5 days. It lets me string you along so you can earn more money and eager to give it to me in hope it will reduce your discomfort. Also, it lets me not have to put up with you but like a couple times per week.
Oh, and I'm not calling you back today but I want you to sit all day by the phone waiting in case I dare ask my neighbor for use of his phone.
dlabtot
06-25-2006, 09:51 AM
I'm trying to keep you uncomfortable and off balance by letting you wonder what is going on when I become unreachable for exactly 2.5 days.
If you are upset about being out-of-touch for 2.5 days with a woman who is not your wife or girlfriend, you have a serious problem.
Smith
06-25-2006, 10:19 AM
True, dlabtot. Somehow she had created long-term-girlfriend type feelings in me for her (PM me if you want a roadmap on how she did it). When she goes from calling three times a day to not calling for 3 days and back, it truly affects me although I have tried to not let her see that lately. Most of it is being confused about how I should feel not actually missing her!
Oh and when I got the phone someone had sent her this message a day earlier but she had not turned on the phone. I immediately called and had the phone reset and number changed. I'm not letting her manipulate me with a mysterious or not so mysterious text message supposedly to her.
"Im on xxxth and harvard.u comin over? Tez:da pipe layer:" (Sent June 22 at 8:11am)
dlabtot
06-25-2006, 10:56 AM
Somehow she had created long-term-girlfriend type feelings in me for her
NO NO NO
You are responsible for your own feelings and actions.
Jenny
06-25-2006, 11:18 AM
Oh and when I got the phone someone had sent her this message a day earlier but she had not turned on the phone. I immediately called and had the phone reset and number changed. I'm not letting her manipulate me with a mysterious or not so mysterious text message supposedly to her.
"Im on xxxth and harvard.u comin over? Tez:da pipe layer:" (Sent June 22 at 8:11am)
I've decided to not bring it up to her or even call the number, but I'm pretty sure Tez is actually a girl named "Tess". Since this could be humourous, lets take a poll (feel free to make up your own answer):
Do yall think it is:
a boyfriend
a date
a friend with privileges
a customer
a pimp
a drug dealer
a female friend
a male friend who is just a friend
one of her sisters
one of her stripper friends
one of her real friends.
a street corner hooker wanting someone to stand with
just her messing with me
My guess is #6
Honey, you are obsessed. Look over your posts. You will see. This is not healthy for you or her, and seriously, I'm kind of worried about this girl's safety (from you). Look at what you are doing and saying - you sound deranged. If the girl has SAID she is not interested and she thinks of you as a customer, that is how she thinks of you. If you do not want to spend your money on such a thing, I would suggest that you stop. See how easy? Do not obsess, do not think about it anymore, and for god's sake, please stop posting here and giving us all nightmares. This girl is not your girlfriend and she doesn't like you - that means that her messages are NO CONCERN OF YOURS. None whatsoever. Just stop paying for her shit, tell her that you are not interested in being a customer anymore and find a new hobby. Know what? Don't even "find your level" as I suggested before. Don't date. Take some time by yourself and work out your own life.
You sound incredibly controlling and borderline sociopathic - like she gets a message, and it is all about you? What even makes you think that? What makes you think it has anything to do with her "relationship" with you when other people contact her? Seriously - LET IT GO.
toplessnewb
06-25-2006, 11:33 AM
^^^
I agree 100%.
I say report the Smith posts as threatening, to criminal investigators and let the authorities trace the origin.
If these posts are real or fake it's scary. The poster should get busted.
Smith
06-25-2006, 12:01 PM
She has made it absolutely clear repeatedly that she feels absolutely safe from me. I AM obsessed, but I never cross whatever lines she sets. She knows that she could at any time ask me to leave her alone and say that she is serious. I would -- just like that and never again. Again, she has made it absolutely clear repeatedly that she feels absolutely safe from me. Report all you want. Find an authority that is willing to waste their time, and I'll give them whatever they want as far as information.
What am I supposed to get busted for? Wondering why when I turn on my phone that she returned that someone is inviting her to a street corner? Or having the phone number reset so I don't get messages or perhaps even voicemails in the future?
toplessnewb
06-25-2006, 12:27 PM
This is a fraudulent dangerous threat. Come clean now. Stop lying.
You may think it's cute and a game to implicate a friend for a real crime, but the rest of your real life friends don't. We've all lost repect for you. You've caused real damage to someone by these fabrications and you had a chance to change it.
Coming up with a better lie is not a solution. Dealing with the truth is.
Stop lying. Whatever effort it takes within you to do so, do it.
Smith
06-25-2006, 12:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smith
Somehow she had created long-term-girlfriend type feelings in me for her
NO NO NO
You are responsible for your own feelings and actions.
Message:
Absolutely true about responsibility. I have taken responsibility in part by trying to understand by discussing it here. I have essentially done everything I can to end it over a week ago by cutting off the money and getting my phone back so I that I would not be tempted to call her.
But remember this is a very socially savy woman who was in complete control of most every aspect of all our interactions nearly daily for over five months (before last week when I gave up on her and am attempting to resist her control). If I can cause the previous reader nightmares, it is not just as fair to say the woman I am discussing could cause me emotions and feelings? Looking back step by step she took some bold specific actions to create trust, others to create intimacy, other to a personal connection, and two others to feel as if I'm an important role in her life, etc. etc. I'm not trying to blame her just tell myself to be wary and see the emotional impact of the next drama that she causes beyond the first week.