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madmaxine
01-31-2007, 10:29 PM
BARBIE up his ASS!!!!! holy toledo guys

dude thats not safe. I remember how easily barbie's head comes off her body. Imagine going to the ER with barbie's head in your bum. haha

Uh, actually, you reminded me of a funny incident. We had a club BBQ party & I was chatting with a Navy corpsman (paramedic.) Somehow he ended up telling us about being in a hospital ER & seeing X-Rays of a guy..who had stuck a Barbie doll's head up his ass & it got lodged inside.
The punchline was that we had a dancer named "Barbie" (Puerto Rican, didn't speak English well yet) & she walked up to us right then...the bartender started roaring laughter at the confused look on Barbie's face because she heard the sentence "Barbie's head stuck up his ass..."

Anney Dancer 2
02-08-2007, 05:45 AM
jesus this thread made me laugh, gag, n thank the lord i never met a poo eater in my life (that i know of anyway!). Altho i was in London in a posh sex shop and saw what i thought was an erotic book on chocolate... yuuuuuuuck!

Actually if theres anything that makes me gip its foul smelling, jelly-spitting, shit-breath. Yuck.
I always think if thats how their mouth smells what the fuck kind of bacteria is on their hands.. ack!

I know i have danced for many weird fuck-ups but i think the vast majority i have managed to forget.

I do remember dancing on stage and taking a tip by mouth from some fat sweaty guy (i used my teeth on a tiny corner of the note) and he stunk like that shitty/vinegar/halitosis stench. I remember i visibly gagged and stayed away from him. The next girl took the bill and tongue kissed him-- aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Oh my god that so made me ill!

I had a customer no-one would throw out that wouldnt stop trying to grab my pussy so i held his hands and broke his little finger. he carried on so i did the other hand too. Well, i was discreet and he was very drunk but that cracking feel will stay with me forever! Yuck! lol gotta laugh - it makes me sound like a nasty evil biatch but oh well, nevermind! he stopped trying to touch me after that so it worked!

I would have preferred watching a barbie stuck up his ass than defensive violence!

21stcenturyfox
02-09-2007, 12:51 PM
oooh, i had this old guy trying to talk to me about having a threesome with me and my mother!

noctina
02-09-2007, 03:29 PM
LMAO @ this thread!!!

yes, the shit-eater takes the cake... as well as the vaseline claw wheelchair man!

i think my grossest customer was this guy who was possibly a burn victim or had some kind of flesh eating disease? i would have never danced for him, but his friend came up and said "will you dance for my friend?" and gave me $20, and then led me over to him and introduced me. the side of his face was like.... melted away. he hardly even had a nose left, the eye on that side of his face looked like it was permanently swollen shut, and his ear was severly deformed and sorta hanging there like it was about to fall off the side of his head. i didn't wanna be a bitch, because he probably couldn't help what happened to him... but he reminded me of some kinda mutant from the hills have eyes. it was terrifying to look at him. so i gave him a dance because i'm a nice person and tried not to look at his face. i didn't wanna hurt his feelings and make him feel like a freak, but WOW. i still wonder what exactly happened to him... maybe it was the elephant man!

jaizaine
02-11-2007, 07:00 AM
My regular who I want to keep for as long as possible as he spends a lot of money has the worst case of hallatosis (spelling?) imaginable.
Every time he comes in I have to try not to vomit for the entire hour or two that I dance for him - it's damn hard work.
I spend a lot of time standing in front of him dancing and sitting back on my chair and when I do have to get up closer I hold my breath for as long as I can before I need air!!
I even got him mints from our dressing room once and offered them and they didn't help in the slightest - just made his shit breath smell like shit mixed with mint.

Picaresque
02-11-2007, 09:53 AM
My regular who I want to keep for as long as possible as he spends a lot of money has the worst case of hallatosis (spelling?) imaginable.
Every time he comes in I have to try not to vomit for the entire hour or two that I dance for him - it's damn hard work.
I spend a lot of time standing in front of him dancing and sitting back on my chair and when I do have to get up closer I hold my breath for as long as I can before I need air!!
I even got him mints from our dressing room once and offered them and they didn't help in the slightest - just made his shit breath smell like shit mixed with mint.

Next time, order both of you a lemon-drop martini. (citron vodka, lemon sour mix, the juice of a lemon slice, and a sugar rim...served with another lemon slice that you can bite into after you take a sip.)

I totally found this out by accident, and I'm not sure why it helps (maybe the lemon/vodka combo? Lemon is supposed to neutralize odors....) but anyway, it really does help.

I used to have a regular exactly like that--worst breath EVER. It was so foul...like a dumpster full of garbage and rotting flesh. I actually did throw up in my mouth the first time I danced for him.

One time though, he offered to buy me a drink, and I said I wanted a lemon-drop martini and told him he should try one too. After he finished it, his breath was *almost* tolerable. Definitely an improvement. I've since tried it on a few others whose breath stank (but not nearly as bad as that guy!), and it always makes it a little better.

Kali Doom
02-11-2007, 10:59 AM
We had this old regular in the biker bar in Philly that used to like to freak the other customers out by going into the bathroom and eating the urinal cakes. He would bring them out of the urinals and into the bar and put them on a napkin next to his drink at the bar and eat them when people were looking. Or throw them at people.

dollyrocker
02-11-2007, 05:54 PM
I've had a lot of stinky customers, but the worst are the ones whos breath smells like a burrito filled with poo. Like some weird poo/hot sauce hybrid. In the short time I've been dancing I've already encontered 5 men with such stench.

The guy who whipped his dick out and asked me to dance on it last week, that was bad!

And lets not forget those guys who don't buy dances, but then start chatting me up and asking me out....

snoopy
02-11-2007, 07:32 PM
I had the yuckiest customer ever. He was a tiny little hindu man. He had some sort of strange skin disease that ive never seen before. He was coverd in really big dry white bumps, that were obviously comming from inside his skin. Kind of like seriously jucy acne, but as if the puss had petrified.

It was on his hands, his face, even on his eyelids between his lashes. He had a sickly sweet smell. Possibly rotten flesh. Rotten from the inside out?normally, i don't pipe in but i just saw this thread today. you ladies are hilarious! or maybe it's just that the customers are too pathetic. :O

but this specific post got my notice. that condition described could be a serious issue. not one of the super contagious diseases but definitely one of the baddies (if i'm guessing right). otoh, it could be something else too but why chance things? :(

your clubs really should draw the line on some of these customers. :-\

jaizaine
02-11-2007, 07:43 PM
Next time, order both of you a lemon-drop martini. (citron vodka, lemon sour mix, the juice of a lemon slice, and a sugar rim...served with another lemon slice that you can bite into after you take a sip.)

I totally found this out by accident, and I'm not sure why it helps (maybe the lemon/vodka combo? Lemon is supposed to neutralize odors....) but anyway, it really does help.



I am writing this down now coz I know I'll forget it.
Thanks I will try this next time. Even if it only stank half as bad I'd be happy.

Don't people know when their breath stinks? I know when my sinus's are really bad I get bad breath and I brush my teeth about 5 times a day and chew gum.

britt244
02-11-2007, 08:09 PM
i had a customer the other day that only wanted me to sit on his lap and blow smoke in his face for a half hour in the champagne room. ok, i can do that. but it was harder than i thought it would be. after i put put a cigarette (and i dont smoke, i just wanted the money because it was a slooow day) he pulls me close to him and i kind of tensed up because the way he did it was like he was about to kiss me. i turned my head so he couldnt, and he told me no, no, he didnt want to kiss me (though he did keep sneaking pecks on my shoulder, ick) he just wanted to *sit* that way. he wanted me to sit there with my face literally an inch from his while he talked, very loudly. "we can talk about kinky sex" was the first thing he said when we walked back. here i was thinking i'd get an easy 30 mins of just blowing smoke in this guys face and it turns out he freaked me out more than most customers.

it might not sound that bad, but i felt so freaked out and violated afterwards for some reason.