View Full Version : I just don't know what to do....
IsabellaRouma
08-05-2006, 04:46 AM
If there anything any of us here can help you with PLEASE let us know.
kittenkat
08-05-2006, 06:23 AM
Apparently my mother is just as guilty in the courts eyes. She probably wont get jail time, but Rahbekah won't go back to her, and she will more than likely lose her nursing liscence and never speak to me again.
Medical professionals have a professional obligation to report suspected physical/sexual abuse. Any professional that has knowingly/willingly allowed the continuance of either will lose their license, and for your mother, in allowing herself to remain in an abusive relationship, has risked her career. Cherry, do NOT feel that what happens to your mother is YOUR fault. It IS NOT. I know there can be tremedous guilt and pain associated with situations like this, but please, please- when you do feel horrible and guilty, keep telling yourself that you did the right thing and that what's happening to your mother is the result of her own choices, and you have none of the blame for it. Parents have an obligation to protect their kids, and those that are unwilling to do so (for various reasons), risk their own lives as well as their children.
rusdancer
08-05-2006, 06:38 AM
:grouphug: This thread is making my blood boil......I'm glad you took action safely.Just be careful still.People like that don't change well.
The a$$hole is lucky he's not in Russia,he would have dissapered quickly and I doubt anyone would miss him.
Please be careful and try to be safe yourself and your sister both.
xbloodydewdropx
08-05-2006, 08:48 AM
Good for you Cherry :) Whatever happens, stick to your guns and do not let your mother try to manipulate you...while she is a victim of your stepdad, she is also complicit for letting it go on. She chose him over you and your sis, and that is unforgivable. I'm worried that since she knows you love her, that she'll try to pull something and get you to recant, etc. Please stay strong through this, as it will be hard, but the end results will bring those responsible to justice. And you little sis will be safe. I applaud your courage :)
Beauty's Release
08-05-2006, 01:57 PM
:hug: Stay strong sweetie. Remember you always have the lovely ladies on here for support and advice. You did the right thing, and what matters is you are taking action now. No need for guilt. Things will get easier from here. Good luck and my thoughts are with you. :hug:
Yekhefah
08-05-2006, 02:05 PM
Congratulations, Cherry. You did the right thing.
When this is all over, though, consider moving. Unfortunately, the vermin who rape children don't go to jail forever in this country, and you do NOT want him to find you when he gets out. You might even consider a name change, but you should definitely think about moving as far away as you can. Wait until he's in jail though. And yes, until he's locked up, you should stay away from your apartment.
I can't imagine how difficult this has been for you, and it will not be easy as it progresses, but it had to be done. Good for you. I'm sure Rahbekah will thank you later. You might have saved her life.
TifaRae
08-05-2006, 02:22 PM
Rahbekah won't go back to her, and she will more than likely lose her nursing liscence and never speak to me again. He will go to jail though, if he is found guilty. With my evidence it's highly likely, so that's a releif.
Good. No, great.
You did the right thing in reporting what happened. I can only reiterate what has already been advised, which is that you get the hell out of dodge while he's in jail, and to take all other step possible to anonymize you and Rahbekah.
Good luck, stick to yourself and what you know is true and just.
:grouphug: :heartbeat
fancygirl
08-05-2006, 03:36 PM
Please take care of yourself. See a Rape Victim Advocate to help you through this time period. Also, pay attention to Yek's advice. This asshole is a coward, but he might try something. Your mother let this happen to you, and while I know you love her, she is not a healthy influence in your life. In fact, she is about as far from a healthy influence as you can get as she allowed so many of your rapes after the point she knew, to occur.
this is not an empty offer: please let me or us know if you need help in any way. When the trial is over, I would also suggest changing names on SW so you can get advice on moving, new clubs, and what not.
My prayers go out to you.
Including the one where I pray he gets hit by a Mac truck (even as a Catholic I still pray sometimes to let the Old Testament side of God come out to play.)
Best wishes.
kittenkat
08-05-2006, 03:59 PM
I second Yek's advice. It really, really sucks to have to move because of a situation like this, but it may not be a bad idea, along with changing your name, etc.
I don't know where you are, but I can refer you to a rape crisis center if you want. It's also not a bad idea to look for rape/incest victim's groups. They can also be a good source of support.
Take care and keep your head up! You are an incredibly brave, strong woman.
madmaxine
08-05-2006, 04:10 PM
This has been one upsetting thread. I was praying someone had hijacked your account and was posting all this information as a mean joke. (We do have signifigant troll problems on SW.) I did not want to believe it.
I wanted to refer a few books/authors to you and anyone who had dealt with abuse in the home: "No Lifeguard on Duty" by Janice Dickinson (she also has a cable show ["The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency"], she was one of the first top-name models in America. Her account of abuse at the hands of her father is so upsetting, but rings of truth.
Another author is Rosemary Altea: "The Eagle and the Rose." (Google will bring up several interviews with her.) She is a "spiritualist," but a lot of her writing has to do with overcoming hardship on life, especially pain from abusive relationships (her mom & 1st husband abused her.)
Last but not least is Dave Pelzer, who wrote a trilogy of books about his childhood abuse, starting with "A Child Named It." The book title is self-explanitory. Unlike Ms. Altea, Pelzer does not use spirituality to frame his books, he rather speaks about the hope of overcoming his past & the good people who helped him.
scarlett_vancouver
08-05-2006, 04:53 PM
Cherry, I'm so glad you went to the police and are pursuing this.
Your story is terrible- your original post struck me because you sounded so resigned to accepting what had happened to you. You need so much care and coddling now, I hope there are good people around you who will help build you back up again after this. NOT your mother, who even if you love her, IS just as guilty as your stepdad (may he burn).
Very proud of you for going through with the trial. You're doing your sister a world of good.
Lola Rose
08-05-2006, 05:42 PM
Everuone else has given you such good advice, there's no need to echo it.
I totally admire you for doing the right thing, as hard as it is. Hugs!
Bridgette
08-05-2006, 05:55 PM
Wow I hadn't seen this before. I'm terribly sorry and glad you took that first step, because it is always the hardest. It won't be easy from here on out until the piece of shit is in jail, but it will be worth it sweety. Please stay strong and take care of yourself.
cherry_sin
08-05-2006, 07:53 PM
Thanks for all the kind words. I just spent four hours on the phone with my mother, and i finally had to hang up on her. *sighs* To bed I go. I need sleep so bad. THANKS THANKS THANKS!
mollyzmoon
08-05-2006, 10:04 PM
It's amazing that you're still able to talk to her. You poor thing. Don't let her manipulate you into feeling guilty or any bullshit like that. You did the right thing, hard as it was. Things will get better. I hope you're holding up alright.
holiday
08-06-2006, 08:40 AM
^ yes
and unfortunately the best thing may be for you to end your relationship with her. At least for a long time.
She is an abuser and she's going to need some serious soul searching or something until she can be a friend to you. Not a mother, she doesn't know how to do that and never has, but maybe a long ways down the road you can have some sort of relationship again. I know you love her and I understand that, but you're going to have to stay away from her for a while to keep your head straight.
VenusGoddess
08-06-2006, 08:53 AM
I won't bother repeating what everyone else has already said.
I'm proud of you for taking that first step. Breaking the cycle now means that you are less likely to repeat it.
Congrats on your newfound freedom.
Take care of yourself!!