View Full Version : Boyfriend Will leave me
Pretty_Penny
10-10-2006, 10:02 AM
mast, i agree with you. those are the points i was trying to cover earlier. i just don't have that same flare for typing everything out. :P not every guy who doesn't want his gf to strip has insecurity issues, and i think people automatically jump to that conclusion. i'm sure it's a large part of the reason for many guys. however, some guys object to it because of concern for their girlfriends physical and mental well being, as well as moral/religious issues. i'm not saying those reasons are always justified, but it's the guys -right- to have those opinions. relationships require work and understanding. if you are unable to work things like this out, chances are you're... well... fucked.
Eevee
10-16-2006, 11:31 AM
THANK YOU for posting that, Mast. You've made a lot of valid points that I've been thinking but just didn't know how to express it.
Earlier tonight, the topic of stripping cropped up between the boy and I and his reaction was expected because he'd dropped hints in the past that he'd be the type to be totally against it.
Him: WHAT? You want to be a STRIPPER? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Me: [feebly] Um... Maybe?
Him: Well, NO. You can't be.
Me: Why not?
Him: Because, I'm not letting you.
But then the taxi came and I had to quickly get changed and leave.
Ugh, I really REALLY want to do this and was going to use the excuse of having a lack of funds as a means to resort to stripping, but things are beginning to pick up for him again so I don't think money's going to be that big of an issue anymore. So that leaves me stuck.
He's also always been the potentially jealous/possessive type either which doesn't help. What to do? :banghead:
Livvy
11-08-2006, 08:00 PM
I'm in a dillemma right now. A couple of days ago I was fired from my job ( boss had a personal problem w/ me). A friend and myself drove over to a gentlemens club, and I wanted to talk to the manager about being a waitress. Well the manager and I get to talking about he asks if I'm interested in dancing, I tell him I would rather waitress first and maybe think about dancing later ( Even though I have been pondering dancing for the past year).(He also doesn't need anymore waitresses). He brings one of the girls in and says she can teach me everything, so i agree to go into the changing room thing, and i get dressed in one of her outfits and shoes, and I adution on the spot, ( I had absolutley no idea I was going to adution till that moment, I was not prepared at all). And I do two songs, and I'm told to pick a name, and what days I'd like to work. I told the manager I would have to talk to my boyfriend first. So I'm completley honest with my boyfriend about the situation, and he gets completley pissed off. Which I somewhat understand. He keeps telling me he thinks it's totally innappropriate, and he will leave me if i want to continue dancing. (keep in mind, me boyfriend told me it was inappropriate that I was going out to partys with my best girl friend without him) I think he is being completley unfair, he told me he was going to leave me when i was going out to partys once a week. I'm really interested in dancing, and I could really use the money. I don't want to look back on this and say wow i wish i took the opportunity. I'm sorry this is so long, I need advice. I don't want him to leave me., but I also have my mind set. How can I convince him that it's not a big deal! :-\
LEAVE HIM!!
I was with a guy for 2 years that was often not open to things that I wanted to do, not open to listening to why I wanted to do them, and not open to letting me have my own space, we broke up about 6 months ago, I was completely depressed about it. BUT NOW, I'm happier than I've ever been and I LOVE being able to do whatever I want whenever I want because making yourself happy is more important than making others happy at your cost. If someone tells you no, lose them!
Do give him a chance to express his feelings about it too though, you'll know if it's sincere.
FrustratedBunny
11-08-2006, 09:18 PM
Eevee, the guy is possessive, jealous, AND owes you $10k? Did I read that right? It sounds like time for him to go anyway.
Paris
11-08-2006, 09:20 PM
Him: WHAT? You want to be a STRIPPER? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Me: [feebly] Um... Maybe?
Him: Well, NO. You can't be.
Me: Why not?
Him: Because, I'm not letting you.
Hmmm...Sounds like you are dating your dad. He didn't threaten to break up or anything, just ,"I'm not letting you strip"? What does that mean?
carolina6
11-10-2006, 03:48 AM
Eevee, the guy is possessive, jealous, AND owes you $10k? Did I read that right? It sounds like time for him to go anyway.
Exactly. If this guy owes you money, isn't paying you back, and is trying to tell you how you can or can not earn money on top of it, he's crazy. Look at that girl's post in the Ladies Only section. She got screwed for 5 grand. Your gut is probably telling you something.
Eve21
11-11-2006, 11:46 AM
Oh my God! Everyone here is so supportive of each other - I LOVE it! My ex wouldn't let me dance, and he wouldn't take me out dancing, and he wouldn't let me go out and dance with my friends. So, I don't have a whole lot of friends anymore from 3 years of neglect and needing HIS approval of what/who/where I can see, do or be. I know it's my fault for taking it, but now I'm single, free, and I'm gonna dance! And have fun and make friends, and I picked a really great place to start! You girls are great!
Livvy
11-11-2006, 02:33 PM
Oh my God! Everyone here is so supportive of each other - I LOVE it! My ex wouldn't let me dance, and he wouldn't take me out dancing, and he wouldn't let me go out and dance with my friends. So, I don't have a whole lot of friends anymore from 3 years of neglect and needing HIS approval of what/who/where I can see, do or be. I know it's my fault for taking it, but now I'm single, free, and I'm gonna dance! And have fun and make friends, and I picked a really great place to start! You girls are great!
Oh man, I lost all kinds of friends because of my ex and his "restrictiveness" too! Thank goodness for being single! I'm about to start dancing too.
Eevee
11-13-2006, 12:45 AM
Thanks for the all the kind words everyone.
After reading the above posts, it knocked some sense into me and I've decided that there's no point in hanging onto something that's long dead. The romance is gone and the only thing that kept me back was me clinging on in the false hope that he'd eventually pay me back.
But I've figured the only way I'm going to see my money is if I leave him and make it myself, so I made it clear to him that it's over and now I've got an audition this Friday. If I get it, hopefully that'll be a sign of good things to come.
:)
CheetahTim
11-27-2006, 12:49 AM
If he gets upset about you going out with your girlfriends without him, he must be pretty insecure about your relationship and he also sounds like he has issues trusting you. If he dosen't trust you what kind of relationship do you have anyways? If you really want to try dancing you need to explain the situation and tell him that's the way it is. If he can't deal with you dancing, then maybe he should move on. (You may miss him but you'll have plenty of oppertunity to find a new boyfriend.;D )
Victoryx0x0
11-28-2006, 01:11 PM
This boy (obviously not a man) isnt supporting you, or paying your bills. Otherwise you would not EVEN be in this predicament. But really you should not depend on ANY MAN to help your or make sure you eat everyday- You should learn to work for what you want and need.
Hes not even your HUSBAND... who is he to tell you what not to do to make $ if you are struggling? Tell that boy to KICK ROCKS!
Time to move on. do not ever allow anyone to hold you back= at the end of the day the only person you can depend on is YOURSELF. You need a supportive and loving man to comfort you at the end of the lonnng hard day.
It was my boyfriends idea to start dancing...- tho he did help me a lot with my bills and stuff when I was struggling inbetween jobs. I knew I cannot depend on anyone to do this for me so I knew what time it was. He took me do some different spots that he thought I could make money at. Took me shopping got me some cute outfits...
my first audition I was nervous as hell so i wanted to make sure I looked perfect- I bronzed my whole body and my boyfriend helped me bronze my toosh. lol He went with me to my audition=- pep talking me, telling me what guys like to see... and my first day he came (without telling me) and threw a wad of $200 ones on the stage lol. The other guys were looking at him like he is nuts.
This is the kind of man I respect- hes supportive of everything I do- This is what every chick needs on their side.
Eevee
11-30-2006, 05:50 AM
I totally agree with you Victory.
I've been reading over my last few posts before I began stripping and can't believe what a fool I was for having ridiculous insecurities over stripping and what it'd do to my relationship.
Since I've started (it's my second week in now), things haven't really changed between me and the boy. He accepts that I've got to do what I want to do and lives with it. Sure, he still totally abhors the idea of me exposing my body to other men, but he can't do anything about stopping me so instead he chooses not to talk about it. That's fine by me, as long as it keeps both sides of the relationship content.
So speaking from personal experience, any girl who is still torn between stripping and the boy should just go for it. You have nothing to lose. If your partner gives you that ultimatum, then it's your choice to make - especially if he can't support you like he says he should. And if he decides to walk out on you, then let it be. Obviously he doesn't value what you two have to the point where he can respect you for who you are and the choices you decide to make.
Besides, you never know if you don't try.
cheetahchick
12-01-2006, 04:20 AM
I had a boyfriend who supported me and bought me whatever I wanted but he was the most controlling person I have ever met. I tried compromising and being honest with him about dancing, but he wouldn't accept it. I didn't dance during the time I was with him and I regret all of the wasted time and money I could have been making. Sure, having a guy support you is nice and all but not if it means giving up your freedom to do what you want and work at whatever profession you want. I was so fucking tired of being called a whore and a slut for working at a club. For years I cared about what these meaningless guys thought of me and thought about stripping. I spent so much energy lying and hiding what I was doing so theyd be ok with me. And you know what? Today I have learned never ever compromise your own happiness! Even if they were ok with me, it would just be a false relationship anyway. Who do these guys think they are to try to waltz into my life and tell me what to do? I told my ex, you know what, if you dont like my dancing -- be just my friend or walk away and get out of my life.. There is no excuse for him to call me names and become abusive because he cant accept me for me. I am who I am and its not going to change. If he didn't like me dancing, he didnt need to keep the chain locked so tight for so long. He didnt want to date a dancer but he wouldnt leave me alone. Regarding the original poster, it doesnt sound like he will really be ok with it even if he says he is now. But if you want to dance - dance. Life is too short to look back and think about what you could have been doing. Walk away from a bad relationship before you find yourself in a few years broke because you werent working for some guy and then you wind up breaking up with him anyway. Sure, it was nice to have him (my ex) buying me presents..but I can afford to buy myself presents and take myself to dinner(without the fighting). The guy I want to be with is going to respect me and not belittle me for being a stripper. I dont care if i have to be single for years before I find a good match. Being alone and having the freedom to make my own choices is better than being with a controlling possesive irrational man anyday. The only person who needs to be ok with what I do is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. So I gave up what he would like to call the "perfect life" I could have sat home all day long with no outside friends or contacts aside from him, and cook and clean and wait for him to get home to fuck and suck him and do the same thing all over the next day. But at least he'd feed me and buy me stuff. Fuck that! I am going to continue dancing so I dont EVER need to rely on a man to support me. Can you tell how much I hate my ex?????????????;) I NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to be in a relationship with a person like that EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!At the end of the day if you give up dancing for someone else - you wind up resenting them later.
cheetahchick
12-01-2006, 04:25 AM
oh yeah i had a point to my above post. my ex also told me at times he was fine with me stripping and even went as far as to encourage me to do it, but when it came down to it and id try to work, he just wasnt having it. i think that if a woman can do well on her own it intimidates a man. i remember his mother asking me how i could possibly rent an apartment on my own without him.HAHAHAHHAHAHA hahahahhaha HAHAHAH ROFL Um with all due respect mame, i did have a life and a home before your son.
I was given a good piece of advice once:
Love many, trust a few, but always steer your own canoe ;D
You have one life. Live it as hard and as fast as you can because one day you'll wind up a decrepid grandma sitting in a chair all day remembering her life - what would you rather look back on: wild, crazy nights being the hottest thing on the planet and rolling in cash, or a steady but constricting relationship with a guy who you ditched a few years down the line because you two never quite saw eye-to-eye?
MisguidedAngel86
12-06-2006, 12:40 AM
Wow, reading all this made me realize just how fortunate I am to have the man I have... he's totally supportive of what I choose to do, never once questioned any of it...
Emily
12-06-2006, 01:16 AM
I wonder what happened with the OP
MisguidedAngel86
12-06-2006, 06:36 PM
I wonder as well....
makeitrhyme
12-07-2006, 06:05 PM
I hope you guys read this. I know it's an old thread but I am basically in the same predicament and I think it would be better to do this than to start a brand new thread. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm engaged and I have been with my fiance for over a year and a half.
He has given me many reasons. It's dangerous, he doesn't want other men looking at me, it's morally wrong, oh yeah and the funniest one of all--- it degrades women. "Just like porn," he said when I asked. What makes that funny, you ask? Because he looks at porn. Not only does he look at porn, he also lies to me about it. He hasn't done it for a while, to my knowledge.
He's controlling, and used to be emotionally abusive.
The easy answer to this is "LEAVE HIM OMG!!!" but it is not that simple. First of all, we share a bank account. (Call me stupid all you want, I've done it so much that it won't bother me anymore.) He also lives with me and my family. My father recently died so money is a big problem right now. There are only two people working to support the household (him and my mom).
I'm afraid to leave him just to find out that I'm no good at stripping. I'm afraid of taking chances, and that is hard to overcome.
Anyone have any honest advice?
manchester
12-09-2006, 03:20 AM
keep in mind, me boyfriend told me it was inappropriate that I was going out to partys with my best girl friend without him)
doesn't sound like a guy i'd want to be dating whether i was a dancer or not.
how long have you been with this guy? years, or weeks? how important is he to your life? is he really worth giving up an opprotunity? is he willing to settle down with you and financially provide you with what you could be making dancing instead?
if i were you i would lose him fast. no man is going to tell me what i can and can't do with myself - especially if what i was doing is perfectly legal and safe.
not only just the dancing issue but he seems pretty controlling.
and besides, you're obviously having doubts about him in the first place if you even bothered to ask our opinions. i don't think it's worth it.
manchester
12-09-2006, 03:34 AM
Him: WHAT? You want to be a STRIPPER? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Me: [feebly] Um... Maybe?
Him: Well, NO. You can't be.
Me: Why not?
Him: Because, I'm not letting you.
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
I REPEAT
RED FLAG
I don't care what the fucking topic of conversation is, when ANY guy says this to you, that is not acceptable!!!
"Because I won't let you"
are you serious?!?!??!?! does that scare the shit out of anyone else?? plzzzz dump this guy before you A) end up in a ditch outside of town in a million pieces or B) end up in an emotional ditch as a result of a very unhealthy relationship and controlling individual.
Eevee
12-10-2006, 05:01 AM
I know, it's screwed isn't it?
After almost 3 years of going nowhere, I found myself in Position B as manchester described above and finally took it upon myself to end the relationship as of Friday morning.
At last it's over and I am confident enough to say that I am a better person for it.
Lysondra
12-11-2006, 10:00 PM
I hope you guys read this. I know it's an old thread but I am basically in the same predicament and I think it would be better to do this than to start a brand new thread. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm engaged and I have been with my fiance for over a year and a half.
He has given me many reasons. It's dangerous, he doesn't want other men looking at me, it's morally wrong, oh yeah and the funniest one of all--- it degrades women. "Just like porn," he said when I asked. What makes that funny, you ask? Because he looks at porn. Not only does he look at porn, he also lies to me about it. He hasn't done it for a while, to my knowledge.
He's controlling, and used to be emotionally abusive.
The easy answer to this is "LEAVE HIM OMG!!!" but it is not that simple. First of all, we share a bank account. (Call me stupid all you want, I've done it so much that it won't bother me anymore.) He also lives with me and my family. My father recently died so money is a big problem right now. There are only two people working to support the household (him and my mom).
I'm afraid to leave him just to find out that I'm no good at stripping. I'm afraid of taking chances, and that is hard to overcome.
Anyone have any honest advice?
But what if you're good at it? Even bad strippers make $100 a night at the least, I'm sure. My first night ever I made $300. Even $100 or $300 could save your financial situation, couldn't it?
He's seriously being controlling... and you can do the finances yourself and become completely independent...
But I know you personally, so i say... why not make him give you 30 days? You try it for 30 days, if it sucks, you go back.. if you like it.. you stay.
A few things will happen:
1. You'll be independent and realize he's an ass holding you back and abusing you and leave him with your millions.
2. You'll be bad at it and go back home with a bit more cash to help out.
3. He'll love the money and realize you're more sexual, you'll stay and both'll be happy.