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Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 05:33 PM
sarcasm? Did I offend?

leilanicandy
11-19-2006, 05:38 PM
Well Mast I must say you have a good point.

DylanAngel
11-19-2006, 05:47 PM
Wow Mast. This is, I think, the first time I don't totally agree with you.

Not going to pick apart your post bit by bit, but, I wanted to point out one thing.

Your not cheating was not valuable only to you. It is to me and many other people who carry a serious amount of respect for you here. You might not value said respect, but it is there.

Lysondra
11-19-2006, 05:54 PM
Wow Mast. This is, I think, the first time I don't totally agree with you.

Not going to pick apart your post bit by bit, but, I wanted to point out one thing.

Your not cheating was not valuable only to you. It is to me and many other people who carry a serious amount of respect for you here. You might not value said respect, but it is there.

Agreed.

If my husband had left before he cheated... I would have been so much better off.

It's valuable to me, too.

Nautilus
11-19-2006, 06:00 PM
choosing to leave rather than cheat is definitely better than the alternative.

it matters.

leilanicandy
11-19-2006, 06:15 PM
I just do not understand why you will blame the woman. When it was the man who went outside the marriage. He was the one who broke his vowels. He was the woman who broke up the family in a horrible way, for his selfish reason. I was married before, and my husband cheated on me.

THe person who cheats on thier spouse. Is who is an wrong. That person should have self control. The bond is between the the two that made it! For one of them to stray. IT's that person fault. Nobody can not make you cheat on your spouse. It takes two to tangle.

The amount of respect, I keeping hearing that phase. Yet I know I had a couple married men come on to me. Before I was married, while I was married, after I was married,I learn from experience. When you tell them no they presue even harder! If you tell thier wives. They eithier look at you like your the devil and you are lying to them! They give you a statement how they know thier husband, you are trying to break up thier home.

With my ex I was not mad at the other woman. I was mad at him! He was the one that betray me not her! He was the one that I felt brought shame to me. Not her! He told her all types of stories about me! Yet when I found out about his cheating! He was so sorry, and that he did not want to end the marriage. He love me. Please think about our children. I felt than this way that I feel now! If I had enought self control to stay faithful to him. He should have the same. By him cheating on me. He is the one that had no respect for me or our marriage. We made the vowel between each other! Not him and the other woman.

How can you be mad at the other woman. When he went after her?

Optimist
11-19-2006, 06:18 PM
Personally if we didn't have kids and I wasn't financially dependent on my husband the cheating would suck but I'd get over it. If we did I would hope he'd just ask for a divorce rather than be so cruel.

You've got a tough decision Krazyjane.

Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 06:22 PM
Wow Mast. This is, I think, the first time I don't totally agree with you.

Not going to pick apart your post bit by bit, but, I wanted to point out one thing.

Your not cheating was not valuable only to you. It is to me and many other people who carry a serious amount of respect for you here. You might not value said respect, but it is there.

Very true, and I do value it, that's why >I< make these decisions. Because I value MYSELF, and as a result, those most like me value ME as well.

But dylan, I would be lying to you in the worst way if I said that there isn't a woman out there with strong moral convictions that I still could convince to sleep with me even though I was still married.

All I am saying is that we can NOT trash KrazyJane. She know's she's stupid, she knows she's equally at fault, but still, STILL, we make, and not just make, CHOOSE to make mistakes.

The true problem here is the manipulation used by the man with the limitations. KrazyJane didn't make the vow to his wife. She might not even know her. Yes I believe she is equally at fault, but this situation is ONLY a situation because one member of this arrangement continued to ignore his vows.

All I am saying is this situation wouldn't be a situation to krazyjane if he observed his commitments and stayed faithful or left his wife.

I chose to end my marriage cause I wanted to preserve my integrity... This guy didn't. All I am saying is that I was in control of my half of the arrangement on my end. This guy is abusing the control over his, or lack thereof.

DylanAngel
11-19-2006, 06:26 PM
I don't think we are saying it's her fault. It is completely HIS fault that his marriage vows are shattered.

What is being questioned is common human decency. The fact is that she knew he was married and willingly (and without remorse) entered into this relationship saying, "if it wasn't me, it would be someone else". This type of mentality doesn't wash.

Not to mention that the law also sees it this way and she's playing with fire. It's called alienation of affection. The other woman/man can, and has been sued in divorce cases. Damages may or not be awarded, but it can get pretty messy and embarrassing nonetheless.

She is aiding and abetting a moral criminal. Is it her responsibility to the wife in regards to the wedding vows? No. It is her responsibility to the wife as a woman and a human being.

That's how I see it and it is only my opinion. No witch hunts here.

hardkandee
11-19-2006, 06:28 PM
^^ You said that so perfectly. It's what I wanted to say, but it never came out of my mouth so eloquently.

Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 06:28 PM
If my husband had left before he cheated... I would have been so much better off.


But that's EXACTLY what I am saying.

But you know what lilith, he was a douche. He cheated... and judging by your posts and a thread DIRECTLY ADDRESSING THE FOLLOWING AS STARTED BY YOU:

You're much happier now.

Now, would you rather have not found out and still be oblivious? Probably not. And even if you did, you probably would have split up for some other reason by now. Honestly? I'm just glad you didn't miss out on the guy you're with that makes you happy enough to make tons of threads/posts as testament to his incredible treatment.

Lies have little feet, they don't run very far.

It's not the responsibility to all the women that are attracted to him to A ) Find out he's married and B ) Observe and hold HIM to his vows.

It's a nice thought, but it's JUST NOT POSSIBLE.

Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 06:30 PM
Oh Dylan,

I totally agree with you, I do, I've never once said she is not equally accountable, I'm just trying to point out why the situation even exists.... it's so closely similar but worlds apart ya know?

DylanAngel
11-19-2006, 06:39 PM
Oh Dylan,

I totally agree with you, I do, I've never once said she is not equally accountable, I'm just trying to point out why the situation even exists.... it's so closely similar but worlds apart ya know?

I know sweetie. You're saying it's "same shit, different pile". You and I will always be square and you know that.;)

DylanAngel
11-19-2006, 06:43 PM
^^ You said that so perfectly. It's what I wanted to say, but it never came out of my mouth so eloquently.

HK...a warmhearted thanks. You have me blushing.

Would that every woman treat their sisters in this very simple, very human way, no man would ever be able to get over on us.

Women like KJ set us back by allowing men to pit us against each other using our very natures against us.

And no, I don't consider that being a feminist...I consider it being a woman and every beautiful and nurturing thing that entails.

leilanicandy
11-19-2006, 06:47 PM
I don't think we are saying it's her fault. It is completely HIS fault that his marriage vows are shattered.

What is being questioned is common human decency. The fact is that she knew he was married and willingly (and without remorse) entered into this relationship saying, "if it wasn't me, it would be someone else". This type of mentality doesn't wash.

Not to mention that the law also sees it this way and she's playing with fire. It's called alienation of affection. The other woman/man can, and has been sued in divorce cases. Damages may or not be awarded, but it can get pretty messy and embarrassing nonetheless.

She is aiding and abetting a moral criminal. Is it her responsibility to the wife in regards to the wedding vows? No. It is her responsibility to the wife as a woman and a human being.

That's how I see it and it is only my opinion. No witch hunts here.

I am not saying you guys are witch hunting! I just did not understand how he and her are equal in the crime. With my experiences, knowing how I felt. I just did not look at it in your way! I just seen it was the men or women who broke thier vowels are at fault. I felt like it was thier responsibility, yet when I was in a situation where I will tell the woman. Her husband will not leave me alone. Those women blame me. Others say I should have never said anything to her! I know my cases are differant than Janes. I just did not look at it, as the other woman is aiding and abetting a moral criminal.

Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 06:51 PM
Well Leilan, My argument is that it takes two people to have sex.

Take an unplanned pregnancy, a potential result of sex, both are EQUALLY responsible as a result of their actions.

The same for infidelity.
Divorce, a potential result of extramarital sex, both dude and KJ are responsible for having sex with each other, however he is COMPLETELY responsible to his divorce as a result of his HALF of partaking in the action. KJ walks away knowing drama may follow, but in no way is she in anywhere near as deep shit as this could get.

Gynger
11-19-2006, 06:52 PM
Accountability lies with both who are in the situation to begin with. Speaking from experience (on both sides I might add, I was cheated on, and I was involved with a married man who LIED to me and said he wasn't... until I found out... )... at some point someone has to take a good hard look at themselves. First of all, its pathetic for someone to go against their word to whom they have promised their lives, their trust and their integrity for eternity, second, if you full well know he's married, place yourself as a wife, how would you feel? I gaurantee you'd be pissed off, you'd throw him out, you'd run his name through the mudd, tell his parents what a fucking idiot he is, and the list goes on and on.

To say it is one person's fault is a cop out. It's both of yours. You know he's married, he knows he's married, and some very wise advice- just because he says he loves you, just because he says he has feelings for you, doesn't mean he does. Chances are he has more than just you.. chances are, he has a wife who is in the know of what he is doing, and trust me when I say this because I've been there, you DO NOT want to deal with the wife... because she will find you, and when she does, you better be prepared...

In my situation, he lied to me, I had NO idea he was married, he used his brother's apartment and claimed it was his, he slept over (I later found he told his wife he was on business trips when he'd do this), he bought me gifts, he showered me, he took me to dinners, parties, he answered his cell phone.. and you know what? It wasnt' until I saw him in the mall with another woman and four children... the look on his face was priceless and I was sickened. A few weeks later, his wife came to my door. Thankfully, I was able to speak to her and explain everything and she told me he had done it before and she filed for divorce, took his house, took his car, took his kids and he gets to pay her for the rest of her life part of his salary (he was a doctor and she put him through medical school)...I had no inclination he was married.. ever! He even went as far to tell me he had no desire for children... (he has four!)

So long story short- you're both to blame. I have no respect for cheaters. And yes, I know I was a contributor, but I was innocent and I had no idea he was married. He lived a lie for eight months.. a very good lie.

DylanAngel
11-19-2006, 06:52 PM
No offense was taken hon and I didn't think you said anything like that. That's just my literary way of putting things, lol. I almost broke out the Scarlet Letter reference, but the witch hunt just fit better.

Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 06:54 PM
choosing to leave rather than cheat is definitely better than the alternative.

it matters.

It matters. But only if the person making the decision cares to see the value in it as you do.

When I made MY decision, I actually cared and respected her enough and my promise to do it the way I did. It just HAPPENED to be right in the majority's eyes.

Oh and the last thing I said was kind of a synopsis of what I was saying... I don't think I could have sex with someone who was married. Even if I never met the guy, I just care too much in general to cause harm to another person for no reason if it can be avoided.

leilanicandy
11-19-2006, 07:05 PM
I know it takes two to have sex.

When my husband cheated on me. I was anger but what was the point of beating the crap out of the other woman. Or even yelling at her! When it was him that hurt me. But I could never enter any kinda serious relationship with anyone right now. I pefer to stay single. I just do not think a lot men are worth me being committed to them! My marriage has no doubt left me scorn. Yet I dont blame it on anyone else but him.

But I now get what the girls are saying after Dylan post. Mast I like how you waited until you was divorse.

Mastridonicus
11-19-2006, 07:08 PM
well I'm not making claim that I was the only guy to do it, and it took the charm and wit of a tampadancer to convince me I was worth more. My mind was already guilty of treason, but I chose to act in what I felt was the most honorable way to myself before moving on. That was a ME decision not an example decision.

francescadubois
11-19-2006, 07:11 PM
Mast, you're a class act, babe.

wonderkitty
11-19-2006, 09:29 PM
It's going to be really tough to keep this up and not get attached. Typically we are in relationships with the idea of one day falling in love. To be in a relationship where you have to work so hard to keep your feelings at bay is, in my opinion, really crappy.

You've had some fun with it and what's done can't be taken away. Maybe it would be best if you walked away now while there isn't really anything at stake.

To anyone who mentioned the age thing... I am 22 and seeing a guy who's 37 so I don't think that part of it is so bad.

ArmySGT.
10-21-2007, 11:42 AM
Hey 2006! Whats up! Missed you..... Things are big, have your peole call my people. OK!

pookie
10-21-2007, 12:08 PM
delete

BrunetteGoddess
10-21-2007, 12:09 PM
Cristal, start your own thread. This one is a year old AND it's considered rude to just bust in someone else's thread looking for advice to your own problem.

Cristal1981
10-22-2007, 02:07 AM
Cristal, start your own thread. This one is a year old AND it's considered rude to just bust in someone else's thread looking for advice to your own problem.


Ok i will ;) xxx

High_Heel_Lover
10-22-2007, 06:51 AM
Horrible :(

High_Heel_Lover
10-22-2007, 06:52 AM
damn a year old! sorry.

LusciousBlack
07-14-2014, 10:03 AM
I would NEVER date a married man again! I did it for nearly 3 years...and he terminated his parental rights because he didn't want have anything to do with me and our son. He terminated his parental rights in prison...after claiming to everyone that he was sterile and couldn't have any kids! He got put back into prison 2 years ago...for the SAME OFFENSE (he's a sex offender). I haven't seen him in 13 years (our son was born in 2002). I didn't find out he was married until a few months before the ending of our relationship.