View Full Version : My cat, Bibs.
GoldCoastGirl
04-22-2007, 05:32 PM
UPDATE: 3.21kg. She put on a whole gram since last vet visit.
Unfortunately, due to her behaviour since I have been back I am not holding out much hope for her to live past next month (May). At least the euthanasia is going to be no charge. The cremation costs will be around $230. I will purchase a cactus soon and put her ashes mixed in with the soil of the cactus.
She will be alive when I help her transition just that she is at the point now where life is starting to become a little uncomfortable for her. Her back hind legs ... she's tripping over herself and they just aren't working like they should. Then there is the fact she can't poop standing up.. she eventually falls onto her side yet still poops. She can pee standing up tho'. She eats alot still so that is good. The bad is that she isn't that active at all. She doesn't really do much at all these days. Yet has her moments where is more active so that's why I won't count her out just yet. Then there is the fact that the vet has 'felt' her cancer/tumour grow is not great news either.
It's that halfway point. She isn't as healthy and everything prior to my Darwin trip yet at the same time it isn't time to count her out just yet... her personality etc is still there if you get me?
*sigh*
I'm having a down day today. Her next appointment is Saturday morning.
She has been my rock for 14 years. This sucks.
hardkandee
04-22-2007, 06:00 PM
Oh GCG, I feel for you. It's so hard to see someone you love drift away. I'm thinking of you and Bibs. :hug:
jaizaine
04-22-2007, 10:42 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Bibs. I have been through a similar experience with my dog Zaine recently.
I had him cremated and his ashes are in a little wooden box with a gold plague saying "Zaine" on it. I am not ready to part with his ashes yet, they are in my bedroom as are my dog Zoe who died a few years ago.
Just try to spend as much time with Bibs as possible.
I noticed Zaine wanted to be very close to me a few days before he passed, they need comfort from those they are closest to.
*big hug*
GoldCoastGirl
04-22-2007, 10:56 PM
^^^ She has been hanging around my vicinity an awful lot since I have been home.
Where-ever I am in the house. She is near-by. Unless there is a nice patch of sun in the sunroom for her then she is enjoying that... lol.
I'm feeling better about it now. It's 4pm. I posted that other post around 10.30am my time. I knew getting out of the house would do me good. Glad I had to take Bunny in to get her latest addition - a towbar.
* Bunny is the name of my 1998 Toyota Corrolla (hatchback)
aussiepunkshocker
04-22-2007, 11:00 PM
Aw, poor Bibs, poor you! Hugs xox
GoldCoastGirl
04-24-2007, 12:00 AM
Had to take her to the vet today (her actual vet appointment wasn't until Saturday).
She had vomitted three times today. I was concerned. Took her to the vet. He gave her more fluids as she hasn't been eating and drinking as much as she "usually" does thus was dehydrated a little plus the anti nausea injection.
Unfortunately, due to her circumstances, this nausea is not a good sign. From my POV it is a fucking heart breaking depressing sign as it means the cancer is now really starting to affect her.
I'm now literally taking it day by day. She's gotten to that stage now. :(
:cry:
She may even be euthanised within a fortnight's time.
colleen
04-24-2007, 10:24 AM
My thoughts are with you today, Vanessa. I've been checking on Twitter. {{{HUGS}}}
madmaxine
04-24-2007, 10:29 AM
We're here for you sweetheart. Keep in mind Bibs has enjoyed an amount of love & devotion few animals or even humans get to experience. Which speaks of your valor & love.
(((HUGS)))
GoldCoastGirl
04-24-2007, 11:03 PM
I've been updating my twitter like mad so if you want the low down look for the "BIBS UPDATE" twitter postings. www.twitter.com/goldcoastgirl
Unfortunately, it's gone bad to worse.
She has stopped vomitting. Now she has just stopped. I think she has given up.
It's time for me to seriously think about euthanising her. :'( :'(
It's 4pm and she hasn't moved all day. I took her off my bed to get her to move about and she just flopped over to her side (annoyed at me for getting her to try to move). I even have to remind her to eat. She hasn't drank anything all day.
www.twitter.com/goldcoastgirl --- i will be updating over there at twitter than here.
ETA: Friday may look like THE day if she doesn't improve tomorrow.
I'm really sorry to see you are in a bad spot. Maybe she will go in her sleep.You have my deepest sympathy.
GoldCoastGirl
04-25-2007, 12:40 AM
:thanx: to everyone for their on going messages of support in this thread.
no matter how many times i have been thru this (with other cats dying on me) this time is soooooooo much different.... this time i was 100% responsible for her for the last 8+ years of her life plus i am the one making the decision ... not her... not the universe... me.
if my 'mood' goes to "dead" it means i'm just taking a break from the internet as i need to grieve (cry etc)... goodness... i even have an avatar already standing by ready and waiting for me insert the date of her death.......... is that bad of me?
once again, please if you really want to stay updated... i will be updating my twitter more than anywhere else... so please look to there...
regardless. thank you.
DylanAngel
04-25-2007, 08:15 AM
No, I don't think preparing yourself for loss is bad. It's what you feel you have to do and that can never be wrong.
I'll keep checking your Twitter. My thoughts and prayers go out to the both of you.:'(
Sinder
04-25-2007, 08:27 AM
*BIG HUGS*
I understand the pain your going through and I will keep both you and Bibs in my thoughts. Making the choice to end the pain and suffering that Bibs is going through is the most loving thing you can do. As hard ad it is to let go of the one you love, Bibs will forever live on in your heart.
GoldCoastGirl
04-25-2007, 06:39 PM
Fuck this! OMG! As per my mood, I'm confused.
Friday may not be "the" day in the end. I will be setting up an appointment with my vet today if possible so I can speak with him about all this as I really really am confused as to what to do now.
She is much more alert and active today. She is eating more and by her own violition. Not drinking by her will yet she will eventually (hopefully)... just that she is doing BETTER today compared to doing worse than yesterday (or even the same)................ now I feel like I would be killing her before her time is due.
Damn this cat is making this hard. One day she looks like she has given up the fight becaue she is hardly moving and eating. The next (today) she is more alert and active.
Woha. I don't wish anyone to be in my position.
jaizaine
04-25-2007, 06:50 PM
I dont think u should feel like u r killing her, she is very close to the end and if you choose to help her get there quicker that is a kind thing.
I do understand what u r saying. I still have intrusive thoughts about whether I did the right thing when I had Zaine put to sleep. Even though he had been lying on his side for two weeks struggling to breathe and could no longer eat, when I took him to the vet, just as we walked to the front door he stopped to sniff (like he would do on our regular walks) and it madde me question whether it was right to end his life.
I think u would be doing the right thing, Bibs has fought long and hard for some extra time with you and at least if you do this for her u can be there and hold her while she passes.
Cats have a tendency to sneak off and go somewhere to die alone, usually.
UtahMike
04-25-2007, 07:17 PM
It was so hard when I held Cuddly Cat and the vet gave her the injection that first put her to sleep and then ended her life. But when he did that, he petted her and said, "Go to sleep, little Cuddly Cat," and she did. (My son named her Cuddly Cat when he was five and she came to live with us, and she slept on his bed for fourteen years)
It was so hard for all of us, but it was the right thing to do. Her suffering from the melanoma was over.
I have tears running down my face as I type this, because I know EXACTLY how you feel, how you have tried everything to save Bibs, and she is still suffering, and there is nothing you can do to help.
You and Bibs are in my prayers tonight. Soon, her suffering will be over, and your grieving can begin. Her memory will be part of you forever. God bless.
GoldCoastGirl
04-25-2007, 08:27 PM
UtahMike
I've been crying to the point of just being numb at times over the last 48 hours.
I'm holding off on Friday and instead made an appointment to speak with Kevin, the vet instead of having her euthanised that day as I think she is trying to fight that one last fight due to being much more active today than yesterday.
She is still very weak and can't stand without wobbling or falling over etc due to not moving (well, not enough movement) for over 24 hours as such......yet unlike yesterday she is actually making an effort today to try to move more.
I'm playing it by ear. Will speak with the vet tomorrow. It still might be Friday or it could be Saturday. I don't know.. I'm so confused.
aussiepunkshocker
04-25-2007, 08:47 PM
What a horrible time for you. I dont know what to say but :hug:
GoldCoastGirl
04-26-2007, 06:19 AM
I just realised something tonight. I didn't end up going to work as I had planned because, honestly, Bibs is my top priority right now. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for choosing work over being able to spend the night with her.
Once again, I would like to point everyone to my twitter. I have been updating it lots and often.
Anyway, the realisation: not only is she the first cat I have been 100% responsible for.... she is the first cat in my life from memory that has had to be euthanised. Serious. From memory, all the previous cats in my life had transitioned thru 'nature' via cars (this is the main one), fish (one swalled a puffer fish thus was poisioned by it), just died, went missing (thus they were 'dead' to me since they never came back) and so forth. Not one from memory had to be euthanised!
This is why I'm so chicken shit about this... it isn't fair for her to keep her around and totally utterly really selfish for me to keep her around longer... yet I am trying to find anything to help me delay having to make that decision.
I am.
I'm so horrible.
I know she will be "at peace" finally, yet I can't do it. I just can't bear the thought of it... seeing her close her eyes to never ever open them again.
I know she is suffering. She vomitted again today (tonight) and I am not stupid.. that is a huge sign.. not just the fact that tonight she has been really weak... and not eaten much.
I wish someone else was making this decision not me.
I'm going to speak with the vet tomorrow and tell him that no matter what I say after I set the date and time for him to come over and euthanise her that he is to go ahead with it... no matter what...
*que hysterical sobbing*
Lola Rose
04-26-2007, 06:48 AM
Aw, I'm in so much pain for you. I'm crying right alongside you. :hug:
idreamofaislin
04-26-2007, 07:25 AM
Don't think of it as her dying, she's just moving on to the next stage, evolving. Her body's tired, but it's obvious her soul is still kickin'! I guarantee she'll stick around!
All of my babies, in bodies and out of them, send you lots of cuddles and love!
GoldCoastGirl
04-26-2007, 07:29 AM
All the supportive words people have posted are helping :thanx: :grouphug:
Yes her soul is still kickin and that is what is killing me. I love her soul. She is such a beautiful cat to me. I want her to be around forever... she suited me so so well as an animal companion. She is the only "being" on the face of this earth I can honestly say that I unconditionally loved. I can't say that with my flatmate's cat nor any human being... I love them all conditionally. She I truely loved unconditionally.
I will know more afte rthe appointment tomorrow (I'm not taking her in with me just having a chat with the vet to make a date and time). She is really not 'living' not matter what 'mind games' I want to play with myself to keep her around longer. Ultimately, I know I have to make this decision and soon....
oh damnit.
*que sobbing again*
BrunetteGoddess
04-26-2007, 09:04 AM
:hug: We're all for you to grieve. Hang in there.
GoldCoastGirl
04-27-2007, 05:22 PM
I've already made a separate post about it yet I will make one here as well.
May 2nd. Around 1pm.
It's been paid for already. No backing out now.
Bibs will no longer be with me after this date.
:'(
Latest vet visit.. WEIGHT: 2.92kg <-- that says it all
Plus the fact that she is not as active.
*cry*
Bridgette
04-27-2007, 05:27 PM
March 2? As in next year?
Anyway, whenever it is, sorry GCG. I know that sucks :(
UtahMike
04-27-2007, 09:35 PM
You've done everything you could for her, and more than most people would. Now you have to be brave and do the last thing you can do for her, which is to let her go. I know how hard it is, but that's what you have to do. God bless you for being so kind hearted.
jaizaine
04-28-2007, 11:14 PM
My thoughts are truly with you GCG and BIbs.
You have made the right decision for her.
Are u having the vet come to your house?
Have u got someone who can come look after u afterwards?
My bf took a few days off work after Zaine passed away. All I did was sleep for 4 days coz being awake was too painful but it was nice having him here anyway.
We will all be here online for support of course too.
GoldCoastGirl
04-28-2007, 11:22 PM
Yes the vet is coming to my house. The cost of him visiting my home is all I was charged not the actual euthanasia (sp?). The reason why is because I'm taking him away from the vet surgery (as he is the only vet there at the moment as his wife, who is also a vet, is heavily pregnant so she isn't working so much) thus he needs to charge me for that not the euthansia.
As for someone to look after me. I've already pre-warned my flatmate and chose a Wednesday as I don't tend to work Wednesday tho' I may work Thursday night (or may just take that time off as well as it is an optional night for me to work).
The photos within the "in memory" banner/picture below are photos I took yesterday when she was on my bed (she's hardly been off it the last couple of days - she is really weak).
http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h101/GoldCoastGirl/GoldCoastGirl-com/BIBS-in-memory-banner.jpg
Lysondra
04-29-2007, 12:46 AM
^ Shouldn't you make those banners kinda... uh... after she's gone? :/
GoldCoastGirl
04-29-2007, 05:34 AM
Morr, I love ya girlie yet NOW is so NOT the time to criticise me over anything. I'm way too sensative right now. I will probably take it the wrong way as I'm already grieving.... I'm going to be sad, angry, everything over the next couple of days and even more so on and after the actual date.
Please please please... EVERYONE... think before you speak to me online.
Please just bear with me. Allow me to deal with all this in my own way.
Darcy Foxx
04-29-2007, 05:36 AM
Not wanting to pick, but if you know that you're going to be that defensive and touchy, perhaps it's best if you take some time away from here?
GoldCoastGirl
04-29-2007, 05:44 AM
I already have started to move this elsewhere and not take up anymore space here on Stripperweb in relation to this whole situation.
For those who are wanting to share their condolences and/or just want to see how I am doing in relation to my situation with Bibs now and down the track not just on the day itself.... I have devoted a thread over at a cat forum I have frequented over the last few months.
It's going to be my sacred space where I know I can just let it rip as such. I find alot of solice in typing out my thoughts. It helps me heal.
http://www.cat-world.com.au/forums/index.php?showtopic=52131
http://www.cat-world.com.au/forums/index.php?showtopic=52131
http://www.cat-world.com.au/forums/index.php?showtopic=52131
UtahMike
04-29-2007, 02:24 PM
We prayed for you and Bibs at church this morning. God bless.
Lysondra
04-29-2007, 04:32 PM
Sorry, it just really makes me uncomfortable to see death dates before someone/something has actually passed away. 'In Memory Of' in the future is kinda weird to me.
But if it makes you heal I suppose...
GoldCoastGirl
04-29-2007, 06:57 PM
As for posting the pics etc NO it is not too soon as you do not know how much I need to keep that date without chicken-ing out.
Every morning and every day I have plenty of moments where I just want to call the vet up and cancel this Wednesday. The urge can be rather overwhelming at times yet I do not because ultimately I know I would be doing her a rather big dis-service and showing her the ultimate dis-respect.
She is just existing not living. There is a difference. My mother 'existed' for three months prior to her actual death (she was purely on the drip - eating/drinking nothing else) and I would never wish such a thing on any soul be it human or non-human.
http://www.griefhealing.com/blessing-the-bridge.htm
Have a read of the above link as it might help you understand why I need to post the "in memory" now instead of after the event.... not just because of what I stated above in my post.
Lysondra
04-29-2007, 06:59 PM
When did I say it was too soon? When did I actually say you didn't need to do it? All I said was it bothered me and seemed weird to me but then I said IF IT HELPS YOU HEAL THAN OKAY!... christ.
GoldCoastGirl
04-29-2007, 08:23 PM
It is helping me heal and deal with the grief I'm experiencing now even tho' she is still 'alive'.
sc0101
04-29-2007, 08:35 PM
I know what you're going through but that still doesn't make it any easier. Last year I had to put down my dog who was 12 but still lively soul wise. Her back legs went out and she had joint problems which she already had operated on so there wasn't much we could do. I decided that would be most merciful way to let her go instead of her being in pain and not being able to walk and eventually dying while in misery. I have an old family friend who had a Terrier for 16 years. The last year of its life it was entirely blind, had no idea where he was and would often get lost in the house and wouldn't be able to get out of simple things like corners. I will always resent her for being that way to that poor animal. It eventually died on its own due to liver failure. I would have much rather had a year less with my animal and have them be able to go in peace without much pain in their lives.
Bibs loves you, and I believe deep down animals do know what is happening and she will go in peace. You're her Mama, she loves you and always will.
GoldCoastGirl
05-01-2007, 08:26 PM
1.20pm
:'( :'( :'(
aussiepunkshocker
05-01-2007, 08:31 PM
:crying: :crying:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v725/Jowanna/PM403-28251.jpg
:hug:
jaizaine
05-01-2007, 09:14 PM
Rest in peace Bibs.
A huge hug for you GCG.
xoxoxoxoxo
TigersMilk
05-01-2007, 09:23 PM
I think you did everything you can for Bibs. You were a wonderful cat owner. Countless moments by her trying everything you could for her. Im sorry things had to end like that and you made the right decision for her in the end. I admire you for doing so much for her. Peace be with you Bibs.
MishaBliss
05-01-2007, 09:24 PM
I'm so sorry V :'( Lots of cuddles, love and light coming your way. You've done what you could...existence isn't always as we'd have it. Stay strong...you've been a great mummy.
GoldCoastGirl
05-01-2007, 09:25 PM
Is it weird to be sad yet positive about all this at the same time? I am crying yet I'm also postive about the whole deal.
As everyone has said, I have released her. I do not regret the action one bit. I know she would be saying Thank You to me. I miss her and that is where the grief and sadness and crying comes into it yet ultimately I'm okay with it.
She can now no longer have to hobble, trip over herself because her back legs are so weak... she can eat and drink to her hearts content... she is with Smokey and that makes me cry tears of happiness as I knew how close those two were and now they are re-united again....... she is away from Puddy and I know how much she would appreciate that and it makes me laugh a little thru the tears.... she will have all the sunny spots she wants... she can poop and pee fine now...
I know I did the right thing and I will never ever doubt it. I don't regret it. I'm glad I went thru with it. Very glad.
I showed her the ultimate respect.
Roulette
05-01-2007, 09:30 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug: I feel for you very much, I lost my cat of 15 years about a year ago. I'm very sorry for your loss, but as you said you've released her which is probably best. I am very sorry again!!
jaizaine
05-01-2007, 09:38 PM
Im glad that u realise that what u did was the ultimate act of selflessness for her. Its harder for u but better for her.
She can be with my Zaine and Zoe on rainbow bridge and all the other loved pets!
A peaceful death with her beloved GCG by her side is a beautiful gift that u gave her.
hardkandee
05-01-2007, 09:39 PM
OMG, I'm just a mess. It's so amazing wonderful that there are people like you in the world who care so much about their furry companions. I am so touched by your connection with her. If there are anything even close to guardian angels in this world, I know she'll watch you every minute of this world.
Sweet dreams, Bibs.
GoldCoastGirl
05-01-2007, 09:58 PM
IN MEMORY
BIBS
http://www.geocities.com/ms_vee/BIBS
jaizaine
05-01-2007, 10:06 PM
Wow that really moved me to tears.
Sweet Bibs is at peace now.
:angel:
mermaidnz
05-01-2007, 10:09 PM
you took two photos of her POO?! :) ahhh i luv ya vee