View Full Version : wierd shit on craigslist...
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Yekhefah
12-03-2007, 01:12 PM
I'm still giggling at the guy who had a "gay experience" while his date was in the bathroom. :laughing:
Yekhefah
12-05-2007, 03:25 PM
If you want to know why cocaine and computers don't mix, just check out from the Adult Gigs section of the Craigslist job ads.
saphire123456
12-05-2007, 04:28 PM
the strangest fetish i've seen was on craigslist. it was a guy looking for a girl with super hairy arms. he wanted to pet them and he was paying well, now if i only had gorilla arms...
cutey5032
12-05-2007, 04:56 PM
If you want to know why cocaine and computers don't mix, just check out this little gem (http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/adg/499315205.html) from the Adult Gigs section of the Craigslist job ads.
OMG that thread was sort of making sense at first.........but what the fuck?!? I just laughed my ass off thanks!!
I love this thread, I seriously re-read it all the time to look at the pictures and laugh!!
scarlett_vancouver
12-06-2007, 11:19 PM
Being that I'm studying for a cell bio final and am also realy horny, this made me oh so happy: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/226817426.html
Jeska
01-10-2008, 03:57 AM
I found an interesting one, assuming he is genuine, I would love to hang out w/a feminine guy, that would be fun. Is that weird?
http://lasvegas.craigslist.org/stp/511699334.html
TheTempest
01-10-2008, 12:38 PM
Being that I'm studying for a cell bio final and am also realy horny, this made me oh so happy: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/226817426.html
That sounds like a very sexually frustrated plant. LOL
I'm sad that I can't see some of the earlier Craigslist postings listed here because they were removed already. I wish I had found this thread earlier.
Alaska
01-10-2008, 02:14 PM
^lol I knowww! We gotta member to cut/paste *zooms off to help Tempest*
Hehehe I know this doesn't fit in this weird shit category, but I like this guy :) :
This woman will not be there to serve me, lie to me, or always be in some pretty-pretty mood just to keep things right. I am a mellow fellow but she will not be intimidated by my gym membership, or my platonic female friends. This girl will discover that I am a sucker for smiles and quiet moments.
and oh great, sounds like a blast:
I wanna fist you....really i do....thats all. no fucking no oral, i just wanna fist you. you must host, i've never fisted anyone before so i'd like to try....
TheTempest
01-10-2008, 02:54 PM
^^ Yay for C&P!
When I have more time, I must go find some to share. :)
muhuwahaha
01-10-2008, 03:11 PM
http://westpalmbeach.craigslist.org/cas/534927908.html
somebody should help that guy out;D
TheTempest
01-10-2008, 04:04 PM
OK, I'm at a friend's house waiting for him to come home so we can hit the gym. While I'm waiting, I figured I'd look up some CraigsList gems.
I am certified in Swedish and International massage and seek to trade my skills for your unwanted working laptop!
Hello. I am a str8 male, looking for other str8 males who would like to e-mail and chat about our secret fantasies. I would love to find someone I could talk to about these thoughts and feelings. 38, married male, clean and disease free. We can also chat about other mutual interests, like sports, movies...anything. I am not looking for hookups, but if we get along, and things go that way, I would be more than open for meeting. This could be fun...and hot. (If it could lead to hook ups, you probably aren't straight!!)
Do you get hard when getting your hair cut? Do you have any hair cutting fantasies? Forced? Restrained? Buzzed hard? I'll give you a good short haircut. If you have a fantasy, let me know what it is. Maybe i can fulfill it.MUST be 18 to 35 ONLY! MUST send face pic with email or it will be ignored. If you just want a haircut that's cool, let me know.
AudreyLeigh
01-11-2008, 04:12 PM
Do you get hard when getting your hair cut? Do you have any hair cutting fantasies? Forced? Restrained? Buzzed hard? I'll give you a good short haircut. If you have a fantasy, let me know what it is. Maybe i can fulfill it.MUST be 18 to 35 ONLY! MUST send face pic with email or it will be ignored. If you just want a haircut that's cool, let me know.
eewwww... I hope no ones getting a hardon when Im giving them a haircut!
well, at least without a huge tip!
PhillyDancer1982
01-11-2008, 04:43 PM
No THIS is the funniest thing on craigslist. This "personal ad" made the hilariously funny Worst of Craigslist column in my city's Philadelphia Metro newspaper the other day...
overweight, flaccid married man on the prowl
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to:
[email protected]
Date: 2007-12-18, 9:45PM EST
Yep, my husband, for the third time, is prowling the intertubes looking for some half-blind, brain dead female to tell him he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. He needs to hear this every day - especially when he's sitting in his recliner for the 16th consecutive hour watching the Sci-Fi channel with the remote in one hand and a bag of Chips Ahoy in the other, belching and breathing through his mouth. The lucky lady who responds to his plaintive whining will receive 27 pairs of XXL boxer briefs complete with skidmarks which he will expect you to wash, fold and put back in his drawer. In the bedroom you will receive five minutes of sloppy, wet, tongue down the throat kisses - but please don't expect him to brush his teeth beforehand...oh no. More than once a day is far too much effort for him to put forth, even if he's popped a Cialis and is hoping for a sweaty fuck before he rolls over and spends the rest of the night snoring and farting and drooling on the pillow. During relations the lucky lady will need to work diligently to get him semi-erect, using any and all means possible, with the exception of fellating him, which he does not enjoy. Not that you'd want to put your face anywhere near his smelly nether regions. If you're lucky, he'll get a wimpy little erection and you will have to jump on and pump away before it disappears. Don't worry that you will tire yourself doing all of the hard work, he will come in less than 11 strokes.
So, if you come across his ad on whichever "married but looking" sites he is using these days, take what he says with a grain of salt. Oh, and tell him his wife says he's finally driven the last nail in the coffin.
Hahahahahahahaha! ;D That is a GREAT source of revenge for a lazy, loser, presumably cheating spouse. Makes me wonder if perhaps I should do that someday to a person or job that pisses me off. I can imagine what my friend M--k would write if he had to make up a fictitious "job ad" for his supermarket job at Acme: "Hellish peanuts-paying grocery store seeks deli slaveboy" etc etc etc...
hannah83
01-11-2008, 06:21 PM
I love this thread. The trick or treat one was my favorite so far.
*off to prowl for more funny ones to share*
zxcire
01-11-2008, 07:08 PM
fucking funny.
hello lesbians. horny? yes...i am? ever get your pooper licked? i like poop in my mouth. mmmm nothing like a delicious texas hot plate. i like the sensation of warm pee in my eye. i never wear googles. i like the vibrations of you farting into my vagina....mmmm...whisper sweet farts into my vaginal region. pleeesssseee, i like the brown cloud. there is nothing that i enjoy more then a bowel movement...parasites and PLUS! please have worms. I'm addicted to them. I once pulled a tape worm from my lovers ass and ate it...slowly savoring every bite.
p.s. to get the full effect of this ad, please read out loud with a british accent. i love you, the end.
OdysseusNJ
01-11-2008, 07:34 PM
Best of CL is nearly as effective at killing my time as SW.
Personally I like Pit Bull vs. Raccoon.
IrishMarc
01-12-2008, 04:03 AM
eewwww... I hope no ones getting a hardon when Im giving them a haircut!
well, at least without a huge tip!
*pops wood*
desavirsire
01-15-2008, 03:09 PM
This one was in the best of:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/506037315.html
Here's the thing, I'm trying to clean up my life, but I've got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too.
We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I've got a serious problem.
The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it's all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There's just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I'm terrified that the cops will come at any minute.
I mean, this stuff is thick, we're talking several inches just covering everything on the whole street.
So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There's a lot of this and I don't want any left behind.
First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well.
Near Southwest Plaza, email for directions. Hurry, an offer like this won't last long. (And I'm worried the cops are coming, so come QUICK).
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Lola Rose
01-15-2008, 03:16 PM
omg! wtf????
turd bitch is nasty.
the coke thing intrigues me.... is that 4 real?
desavirsire
01-15-2008, 03:23 PM
I was thinking because it's from Denver he is talking about snow and hoping some crazy person will come shovel for him.
Yekhefah
01-15-2008, 04:51 PM
^^^ :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
AudreyLeigh
01-15-2008, 04:58 PM
^^^ :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
I second that! :laughing: Thats some funny shit
cameron_keys
01-15-2008, 04:58 PM
I was thinking because it's from Denver he is talking about snow and hoping some crazy person will come shovel for him.
I would DIE laughing if I woke up to someone kneeling on my lawn snorting snow. LOLOLOL
Yekhefah
01-15-2008, 05:03 PM
"Do you know what the street value of this mountain is?!"
http://www.xenafan.com/movies/bod/images/lane05.jpg
Alaska
01-16-2008, 03:03 AM
Pervert!
Yekhefah
01-16-2008, 09:14 AM
^^^ What's wrong with that ad?
cameron_keys
01-16-2008, 10:50 AM
^^^ What's wrong with that ad?
Yeah I dont get it either.
Alaska
01-16-2008, 03:29 PM
aww nothing! it was just 5am happy puppy time and i wanted to share.;D
Alaska
01-25-2008, 11:58 PM
Omg look at this guy.
sun child
01-26-2008, 12:55 AM
^ whoa
Katrine
01-26-2008, 03:37 PM
Omg look at this guy.
http://albuquerque.craigslist.org/cas/551657258.html
Something about him screams creepy, time-wasting stripclub regular.
Alaska
01-28-2008, 02:03 AM
Good god, who ARE these grandiose assclowns?!? Go the
phuck to Thailand already and stop polluting my city
with your amazingness.
TigersMilk
01-28-2008, 02:09 AM
^^ I love it when people write a fucking novel. Its like no dude stop that.
Alaska
01-28-2008, 02:28 AM
novel.
Yes, complete with an epilogue, how fancy!
I love it when people showcase their poor fucking writing skillz. I mean, at least with the "hey u, can we chat?" they're not giving it ALL away! Gee, I'm enthralled. Finally, someone that can actally WRITE!!!!
"Now I will feed your imagination:
Phuket, Thailand
We sit side by side, with our fingers intertwined, facing toward the rolling waves as the tide comes in.
You have slightly dug your toes into the soft white sand, and as your wiggle them, you see the tips break the surface.
A cool breeze blows, making the flames atop the torches planted around us on the beach dance and flicker."
*GAG*
TigersMilk
01-28-2008, 02:30 AM
The cheese: its bursts forth from the ad. Gee golly if dating were like that I'd be dating 24/7 just to wiggle my fucking piggies in the sand while grasping some sweaty hand that just used to whack off with 30 min ago. I would ever so be obliged.
Alaska
01-28-2008, 03:05 AM
^^HAHAHA he should be lucky to get an e-mail so funny.
OMG this guy: (Titled--"Rice Krispies")
snap crackle pop..... come and rock my cock
snap crackle pop..... show me what you got
snap crackle pop..... the sound of your legs behind your ears
snap crackle pop..... me slipping into your rear
Hope he gets exactly what he wants! :rotfl:
Oh, and some enticing titles for ya'll:
---Older Hippie For Younger Hippie-Communication-Family-Love-Tantra
---Therapy, anyone?
---HELLO THEIR
---Our Little Secret
---Seeking virtuous wife
---Looking for someone for the rest of my life
---Firefighter Needs Massage
---Nightmares and Lonliness
---Come Suck This
---Push It Back Grind That Put A Lil Rub To It
---Cumm g8 sum
Alaska
01-28-2008, 03:50 PM
Oooo, check out this pompous assclown: He's mad because I called him out.....he posted something from the "Best of CL" ("Every Girl Ever" and claimed it was his own! AND ADDED THE DEFINITION OF "VACUOUS!" :rotfl:
Wow what an original email, especially one coming from such a stellar site as CL's. I'm extremely impressed considering you live in NM.
I'll take your comments into consideration and just maybe I'll live up to your expectations of what the Internet should be. An environment where everyone tells the truth and where everything is an "original" thought. What a novel idea?
Who knew that there was a purveyor of the truth out there in cyberspace? You are to be congratulated for making it your life mission to expose all the frauds on the Internet. However, I do believe that this is CL's after all I am sure the majority of the people on that site don't really give a rat's ass what you think or do. Your most likely the one who FLAGS everyone's post?
And if you had one iota of intelligence you would've realized that the post was meant to be tongue in cheek and NEVER did I say I wrote it. But I now realize that there are people on this great planet that have nothing better to do than spend endless hours surfing the Internet so as to make them the purveyor of the truth in their sad and desperate little life.
P.S.
Your welcome for the definition. I think in this case it applies 100%. And you will notice I replied to your reply without resorting to the age old tactic of having to use profnaity to get my point across. Hasta!
Alaska
01-28-2008, 03:55 PM
A predictable response process:
1) Insult my state (even tho my e-mail sez NJ)
2)Showcase what a good writer he is
3)Insult my intelligence
4)Accuse me of being pathetic for reading CL
5)Insult my intelligence
6)Show me what a dummy I am for using profanity (I called him an assclown)
7)Make sure your entire thought out reply is so well written that it's scary so no one can touch it!
Too easy! Don't think I'm gonna bother with this wimmin-hater though. *yawn* they are all the same.
cameron_keys
01-29-2008, 11:29 AM
genitalia decor anyone?
cameron_keys
01-29-2008, 11:30 AM
ahhh...young love
cameron_keys
01-29-2008, 11:32 AM
you really can get anything on CL...
Alaska
01-30-2008, 04:44 AM
Omg, this guy wants to use a piece of surgical tape instead of a condom!! :rotfl:
TheTempest
01-30-2008, 09:44 AM
That really wouldn't work! It'd fall off. Plus he wouldn't be protecting anyone against STDs, let alone pregnancy.
zippyelf
01-30-2008, 10:48 AM
http://stlouis.craigslist.org/m4w/555163707.html
ha
Alaska
01-30-2008, 04:20 PM
It's so selfish....yes, let me get a piece of surgical tape stuck inside of your vagina forever just so my precious dick can have sex, cuz that's the only way it can.
Alaska
02-09-2008, 03:37 PM
I have no clue when possessed me to check Indonesia CL, but this cracks me up:
TheTempest
02-09-2008, 03:57 PM
^^Is that a posting for a single free piece of rice? Weeeeeird.
CinammonGirl
02-12-2008, 04:41 PM
There was a guy in my town claiming to own a white-collar company and offering 89K a year for a "personal office assistant." The way how he wrote it sounded professional and convincing at first.
It was obvious his "job" was full of crap when he said "Sex is part of the interview process..the interview process will not be rapid, so we have to meet several times to discover our sexual compatibility." Luckily, his posts aren't on there anymore.
blayze
02-12-2008, 05:10 PM
I have no clue when possessed me to check Indonesia CL, but this cracks me up:
http://jakarta.craigslist.org/zip/559034839.html
LMAO!!!!
i wonder if he'd mail it to me?
cameron_keys
02-12-2008, 05:40 PM
anyone want to get married?