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LilyLove
07-20-2008, 04:13 AM
This was listed under the "collectibles" section. She's being offered for a dollar.

One (1) really drunk girl (a friend of mine) who is currently passed out on my new couch. She's been puking for a couple of hours, and to be honest, she does not smell like a bed of roses. While she didn't puke in her hair thanks to me holding it back, I could not prevent her from puking on her shirt and pants. I brought her clothing of hers so that she wouldn't lie on my new couch while covered in puke, but instead of opting for the clothing, she decided that going topless and staying in her foul-smelling jeans would be a great decision.

For a heavier girl, she looks much better without a top on. Not only is she half-naked, but she looks thinner without clothing (a shocker, I know). I feel I should let you know that she snores. And quite loudly, at that.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like a shot at this girl. But I cannot promise whether or not she will be drunk when you meet her. That's at her personal discretion. But I can help if you give me a specific time and date in which you'd like to see her. I can try to get her over and partake in the festivities which include a lot of hard A.

Happy hunting,
The Good Guy at the Bar that isn't a Prick

Joplin
07-20-2008, 09:28 PM
This was listed under the "collectibles" section. She's being offered for a dollar.

One (1) really drunk girl (a friend of mine) who is currently passed out on my new couch. She's been puking for a couple of hours, and to be honest, she does not smell like a bed of roses. While she didn't puke in her hair thanks to me holding it back, I could not prevent her from puking on her shirt and pants. I brought her clothing of hers so that she wouldn't lie on my new couch while covered in puke, but instead of opting for the clothing, she decided that going topless and staying in her foul-smelling jeans would be a great decision.

For a heavier girl, she looks much better without a top on. Not only is she half-naked, but she looks thinner without clothing (a shocker, I know). I feel I should let you know that she snores. And quite loudly, at that.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like a shot at this girl. But I cannot promise whether or not she will be drunk when you meet her. That's at her personal discretion. But I can help if you give me a specific time and date in which you'd like to see her. I can try to get her over and partake in the festivities which include a lot of hard A.

Happy hunting,
The Good Guy at the Bar that isn't a Prick

Assuming thats written in frustrated jest, it's hilarious. Now if it's serious, it's obviously rape, but I would type something like that if I had a friend puking on my couch! Actually I'd be more pissed.

Off to look at CL in my area!

Joplin
07-20-2008, 09:37 PM
Are you a woman with large breasts? Are your big boobs breaking your back? Do you feel weighed down by your top-heavy twins? Do you constantly heft your huge hooters around day after day wondering why you bother? Do you relax at home finally freeing your fearsome funbags only to stare at them thinkg what's the point? Men stare at them, make fools of themselves, give you more attention than you can stand sometimes, sure, but what about when you really need them? Is there anyone there to give your colossal cups the attention they need? Do you go without someone dedicated to the daily (or nightly) care of your dynamic DDDs? How many more restless nights will you suffer for want of a Personal Pectoral Pertrusion Placation Practitioner and Specialist for the Superiorly Stacked???

Wait no more, suffer no more, because I can help!

Yes Ladies, don't be bothered with washing your weighty wonders; let me do that for you! Don't suffer the aches those amazing additons cause your back; let me massage those pains away! Don't be annoyed by them rolling around on you all night as you just try to sleep; let me cradle those coloss- (wait, used that one already... here we go) let me manage those massive mammaries for you! That's right; whatever the need, if your lovely, large, beautiful, big breasts need squeezing, sucking, fondling, mashing, massaging, rubbing, holding, or just about anything else you can think of, you need to get in touch with me immediately and let me take over the tender-loving-care of those titanic titties!


His phrases for boobs are really strange....I love having my boobs played with, I wish my boyfriend was interested in this, but his hands get sore ::) please.....

Persona
07-22-2008, 12:59 PM
lol that dude is the master of alliteration

michele_b
07-22-2008, 06:45 PM
Wow at this one /:O

"for the ladies,there will be an event that has never been before,so interesting and new,it's gonna blow your mind. ladies come on down and watch us jerk off!!

25 men jerking off for 7 hours straight! you get to watch us and film us with your cameras!

this is a real event,incredible,real,and often sticky,don't miss this!"



Who wants to come? This is the event of a lifetime girls. It cant be missed!!!!::)

Mr Hyde
07-22-2008, 06:52 PM
this one was forwarded to me in by my next door neighbor...i

Back to Craigslist |

Seek sex partner who also likes entomology - m4w

I am a 37 year old male living in... county. I am seeking females of any (legal) age who enjoy anonymous sex and who also are into entomology. The scenario I have is that we meet at a discrete location such as a hotel room. I can supply the room. I have a large collection of insects...I will bring my most rare collection with me. The insects are pinned to a collecting board. You should also bring your collection, or at least a part of it. You can walk in to the room, the lights will be on but I will be wearing my bug-face mask. I will have a bug-face mask for you as well, it will be on the table or dresser nearest the door. I won't look at you until you put on your bug-face mask. Once you have put it on, you will say "I have it on" whereupon we can look at each other. At that point, we will remove our clothes. My collection will already be placed on the bed in an upright position leaning against the wall. You should place your collection against the wall in the same manner. After that, we will copulate as the praying mantis would...with you on top, holding me down. After we have completed the act, you should then bite hard into some place on my head, as the praying mantis would. Do not worry about harming me, that is part of the situation. I will lay there motionless, and you may then take the parts of my collection that you are missing and leave. Or you can stay if you like, but I will remain motionless as if my head has been bitten off, as the female praying mantis does to it's mate.

We will not remove our bug-face masks during this encounter.

We will not talk during the encounter, although you may make chirping noises if you want.

Prefer a woman with unshaved body hair. But clean. Please shower, etc.

Women who are not really into entomology but that have bug collections are ok too.

MrChristopher
07-22-2008, 07:42 PM
^^Oh man. That one is pure gold. Hey, different strokes.

Susan-Va
07-22-2008, 08:18 PM
From the adult gigs section....
Immediate Temp Secretary with Full-time Opportunity (Richmond)

Reply to: [email protected] ([email protected]?subject=Immediate%20Temp% 20Secretary%20with%20Full-time%20Opportunity%20%28Richmond%29)
Date: 2008-07-21, 3:44PM EDT


I am in immediate need of a secretary for 3 days while my regular secretary is out on vacation from July 22 - 24, 2008. You will need a working knowledge of Outlook and have good phone skills.

This person must also be willing to provide certain "benefits" to the Boss during this time as well. Your ability to provide "benefits" could lead to more permanent work August when she leaves for maternity leave.



Wonder if she's having the bosses baby?

Joplin
07-22-2008, 08:39 PM
I would totally do the bug one if I was paid and single.

rubyredlipsss
07-22-2008, 09:40 PM
^ i know, i want to meet this bug-man...i shared that w/ my fwb and asked if he would bite my head, haha. he said yes. haha

MrChristopher
07-23-2008, 01:59 AM
We will not talk during the encounter, although you may make chirping noises if you want.

That is the part that cracks me up the most when I picture the scenario in my head.:D

gingerlee
07-23-2008, 02:57 AM
That is the part that cracks me up the most when I picture the scenario in my head.:D

*Chirp* ;D

shasta
07-26-2008, 04:00 AM
to the stripper who smiled at me - m4w

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2008-07-18, 3:28PM MST


I saw you at a local strip club yesterday and you smiled at me and gave me a lap dance. I know there was a connection because of the way that you touched me. I hope you were happy with the large tip I gave you. I would love to take you out to dinner and to meet my folks some time. I think we could have a real future together. I was the guy with the Izod on. Tell me what color it was. Can't wait to hear from you.
p.s. That smile was unmistakable desire.

rubyredlipsss
07-26-2008, 09:36 PM
^ awww, i almost feel bad laughing, but HAHAHAHA

CherryBomb954
07-31-2008, 11:44 PM
Oh good god I have no idea why I find this so funny but I do. I mean literally LOL. I guess I have a random sense of humor....

RANDOM as hell, and just fucking weird:
http://tucson.craigslist.org/zip/778197595.html

CKXXX
08-01-2008, 10:02 AM
I love how you get paid depending on how much you shit!!

Brown shower mistress wanted (Pasadena)
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2008-08-01, 8:35AM PDT


Looking for a girl who can perform a brown shower and leave a large gift for me on my face or chest...

please send picture and details in response

will pay 250 to 450 depending on how sexy you are and how much you can produce...

want to do a regualar thing

nice guy with a kinky side

CKXXX
08-04-2008, 02:14 PM
http://miami.craigslist.org/brw/adg/782759508.html

I need a woman to lift and carry me around the house
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2008-08-04, 2:47PM EDT


I have a big lift and carry fetish. If you are a woman strong enough to lift and carry a 170 lb man, please send photo and phone and I will call you to set it up.

MrChristopher
08-11-2008, 03:10 PM
This guy wants to have anonymous anal with a woman while she plays oldschool Super Mario Brothers. Genius.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html

Ava Jadore
08-11-2008, 03:19 PM
^ :rotfl: Oh my god...I can't breathe...I can't stop laughing at that post. It gets better and better as you keep reading it. That has to be one of the funniest CL posting I have ever seen.

I think this part is my fav

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

Luxurious1
08-11-2008, 04:54 PM
that has to be a joke right?

thechaosfairy
08-11-2008, 06:46 PM
Oh yeah, I'm sure many of them are just giving a go at Best Of CL.

MrChristopher
08-11-2008, 07:23 PM
Oh yeah, I'm sure many of them are just giving a go at Best Of CL.

True, but there remains the slim possibility it is for real. Either way it's hilarious.

echomadison
08-11-2008, 07:41 PM
Ah this one just made me think...uh WTF?

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/zip/792138558.html

OmgShesWild
08-11-2008, 09:44 PM
Personal Assistant MM-43 (Ohio)

Ever wish you had a Personal Assistant for 5 days/nights, to do all those things around the house you need done? I can cook, clean (nude if you like), run errands, converse with you, take you shopping, or shop for you, go to Casino with you, out to dinner, Church, nearly anything you need done. I’m a professional with own business that is very slow since January, and looking for some income right now. I’m from Ohio, (Northcentral Part) and am willing to drive to South Florida and stay with you. Willing to snuggle, and be a true friend to you while there. Honest, clean, professional, and discreet here. I’m a married male, 43, 6’2’’, 175, blond, blue, 32’’waist, 7’’cut. Never done anything like this before, but really need the money. If you’ve been blessed financially, and can benefit from my services, I’d love to hear from you. Email me the details of what you need done, Looking for possibly this weekend!! Can’t wait to hear from you! Must be discreet, my wife will not know the “real” reason I’m there. Definitely safe and clean here, never acted on this to date.

greenidlady1
08-15-2008, 12:09 AM
http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/795321994.html

CMDR. Zorg seeks Earth Female - 298 (Remulak 7)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2008-08-13, 4:13PM EDT



CMDR. Zorg seeks Earth female to teach him procreational rituals, and Earth customs. He has assumed an anatomically and proportionally correct physical form for maximum pleasure and output. He has studied under an Earth male for 6 bleems and has held many important and sacred positions. Including the following. AV Squad assistant captain, Hall Monitor (named hall monitor of the month 3 times), handed out Zagnut bars to the homeless, and has an uncanny knack for guessing age, or weight (was kicked out of the mall for displaying this knack to unappeciative philistines!), Trivial Pursuit Champion (Star Wars/Star Trek Deluxe Edition). If you are duly impressed and have a strong desire to be the recipient of the fruit of my loins, please contact me with you pertinent data and a digital image (of recent authentification). Russian women don't bother.....I am not sending you money to get your visa! We would need to rendezvous at your abode unless it is Wednesday night (mom plays the bingo on Wednesdays).


Lol, listing includes photo of the dude in a space outfit.

greenidlady1
08-15-2008, 12:12 AM
http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/795300371.html

Suffering from acute Olympic fever....please help (Sports bar)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2008-08-13, 4:09PM EDT



I have been up for several days straight watching the Olympics. I have acute Olympic fever and am in dire need of a gymnast or beach volley ball player to assuage my trepidations. I have a lycra fetish and love the sweet smell of chlorine. I have built a three level stand in my rec room and have a cd with over 127 National Anthems. We can role play.....I love to do that. I can be the rogue judge from East Timoor, and you can be the nubile young upstart from (insert favorite nation here). I will gladly give you an 8.5 execution if you know what I mean.....wink wink.




WTF happened to his eyes?

golden41
08-15-2008, 12:21 AM
This guy wants to have anonymous anal with a woman while she plays oldschool Super Mario Brothers. Genius.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html

hmmm anybody else think he got butt-poked as a boy while playing video games. lol @ if I dont like it I will go back in the bathroom and u get dressed and leave. ::)

Yekhefah
08-19-2008, 08:53 AM
This couple looks pretty hot... but they really should've just left it at the first two pics. I'm trying to figure out if they really expected some girl to be overcome with lust by the third one.

*Iris*
08-19-2008, 12:30 PM
^ I am! Hahaha I think that's the dorkiest thing ever! and I love dorks! :D

Yekhefah
08-19-2008, 01:08 PM
LMAO, really? All right, I stand corrected! There's a woman turned on by a dude wearing a shirt and no pants, scratching his ass! :laughing:

*Iris*
08-19-2008, 01:18 PM
LMAO, really? All right, I stand corrected! There's a woman turned on by a dude wearing a shirt and no pants, scratching his ass! :laughing:
Haha no not really I do love doks though. I didn't know he was scratching his ass though :O I thought he was squeezing it. :D

Yekhefah
08-19-2008, 01:25 PM
He might be... but to me it sure looks like someone snapped a pic of him unawares, wandering around in a T-shirt and no pants, and they caught him scratching his butt.

CKXXX
08-19-2008, 01:26 PM
Yeah ..give it to me ScratchBob No Pants...sexy!!

gingerlee
08-19-2008, 03:44 PM
I have very special needs. Do you like Whole Foods? - 20 (LA)

Date: 2008-08-14, 11:10PM PDT


After I started college I tried a few new things. My eyes were open for the first time. A few wild relationships later I understood myself so much better. Everyone has a thing, something that just hits all their buttons at once, that really gets them going like nothing else. I found that thing for me, but it's difficult to share.
I love to be spanked. But only with fresh market fish, chilled on chipped ice and wild or organically raised. Do you like to shop at Whole Foods in Santa Monica? Want to take it a bit farther with me?


Included in the posting, picture of fish.


Why? Just WHY? :O

MrChristopher
08-19-2008, 05:40 PM
^For me, the funniest bits are always the details. Sure, he likes to be spanked with chilled fresh market fish...who doesn't? When he insists on them being organically raised, that's where it crosses the line into "weirdo". I wonder what his reasoning is.

gingerlee
08-19-2008, 05:53 PM
^^I like that he wants chipped ice. What would he do with crushed ice...or even ice cubes? Would the whole fantasy be ruined?

And MrC....where's my fucking Hot Pocket??

Lovely Ush
08-27-2008, 09:05 PM
Seeking a pair or two of your panties (Boulder)

Reply to: [email protected] ([email protected]?subject=Seeking%20a%20pai r%20or%20two%20of%20your%20panties%20%28Boulder%29 ) [? (http://www.craigslist.org/about/help/replying_to_posts)]
Date: 2008-08-25, 9:12PM MDT


I'm following my newly found fetish of playing and getting off with women's panties. So I find myself hoping that you might be interested in parting with a pair or two of yours. If so, let me know what it would take to make it worth your while. I'm not looking to meet, but would prefer if you just mailed to me - of course, I'll pay for the postage. So if you are open minded and like the thought of someone playing with your undies, shoot me a reply back. Thanks.

kitana
08-28-2008, 04:02 AM
I took a photo of the most money I made in a day cause, yeah... :D

So did I!

I wanted something to remind me (after I used it to pay of a bunch of smaller bills via Dave Ramsay style) that I have made that much and CAN again!}:D

lazydaisy
08-28-2008, 08:38 AM
Looking for woman to FART on my face - m4w - 28 - m4w - 28
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: , 5:48PM EDT

I am 28 yrs old, 5'8", 150lbs, mixed race very openminded, kinky, tend to be submissive

I am looking for woman of any age, any race and any looks who has the fantasy of farting on a guy and enjoying the fact that the guy likes her fart. I have realised that I get hard by a woman's fart. I am very orally talented and love eating both the holes. Any height and weight, just be sensual and openminded!

I am open to other experimentation. I can host or travel.

NewMoon
08-28-2008, 10:51 AM
Seeking a pair or two of your panties I'm not looking to meet, but would prefer if you just mailed to me - of course, I'll pay for the postage. He'll pay for POSTAGE?!? what about paying for the panties?

NewMoon
08-28-2008, 11:01 AM
A guy in my city is looking for a weekly BBBJ arrangement and closes his ad as follows:


"Send current photo and salary expectations to be considered for this very rewarding position and tell me why I should choose you. "

Saoirse
08-29-2008, 12:03 PM
I posted this on a LOL, and can't believe this stayed up for a week sans flagging:

TheTempest
08-29-2008, 03:54 PM
I posted this on a LOL, and can't believe this stayed up for a week sans flagging:

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/m4w/808282734.html

Dr. Who FTW!!

MrChristopher
08-30-2008, 07:00 PM
Preserved fart in a ziploc bag- Free!

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/zip/820374009.html

loveandluxury
09-02-2008, 05:28 PM
Help me get caught... (Dallas)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email protected] [?]
Date: 2008-08-31, 7:16PM CDT



As bizarre as this sounds, I want my wife to catch me cheating. She'll figure it out on her own eventually, but I want to do it up right, hence this post.

I'm looking for a woman who is willing to pose for compromising photos with me that I can mail to my wife. It can be simulated, your face doesn't have to be visible, etc., but I do want it to look like I am cheating.

I realize that this is probably not going to be a popular request, but I am willing to compensate you for the time spent modeling. If you're interested, please email me.




Location: Dallas
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $
PostingID: 821472462






Sign me up!!! ::)

greenidlady1
09-02-2008, 05:39 PM
He really likes Obama

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/816812526.html

gingerlee
09-02-2008, 06:22 PM
^^That's devotion right there.

NewMoon
09-02-2008, 07:03 PM
Right, cause posing for porn pics that a man can mail to his wife is "modeling" LOL

Lovely Ush
09-04-2008, 11:52 AM
Scatology 101 - m4w - 30 (ABQ)
Reply to: [email protected] [?]
Date: 2008-09-04, 2:56AM MDT


Looking for a good cold carl!!! Woman must provide anus, feces, and glass table. I am ready to be scatted.

Lovely Ush
09-04-2008, 11:59 AM
Topless pirates wanted. (yes, I said it)
Reply to: [email protected] [?]
Date: 2008-09-03, 9:41AM MDT


Pirate themed, female owned and operated site seeks topless models.
Topless ONLY, no full nudes, no porn, no video/webcam stuff. (EVER)
Must be 18 to 24 and a B CUP or SMALLER.
Within those rules, ALL types and looks are wanted. (yes, all)

If you would prefer to try just a revealing set at first due to wariness about sending topless pics before you know for sure that I actually pay, we can work something out. Just let me know in your e-mail.

You take the shots, e-mail them to me and get paid. Safe, fast and fun
work.

E-mail samples for consideration and more detailed info.
(samples do NOT need to be topless but should show how you really look, no bras, padded things. a braless tank top shot works nicely)

Thanks for considering working with me.