View Full Version : What if a dancer tries to give you money back?
BoondockSaint
02-15-2007, 10:19 AM
You really think confidence is the SAME THING as arrogance? Really? They are worlds apart in my mind.
Worlds apart? How so Rose? I would love to hear your take on it.
Everyman
02-15-2007, 11:00 AM
I can't just ask her to get together OTC. I've already been pushy enough.
Everyman... Waiting for her to call and leaving things up to her is what I'm supposed to be doing. What am I supposed to do...order her around, or demand she get together with me? Talk about turning her off.
As far as being confident (which is just another word for arrogance) and "going after what I want"...Like I said, I've been pushy enough.
Well, there is a blur between confidence and arrogance, where they meet, and I guess that boundary is different for everyone.
But arrogant guys get chicks, too. Way more than meek guys, in fact. So you should know which side to err on.
cameronfl
02-15-2007, 11:12 AM
IMO..confidence is when you like yourself...arrogance is when you think you are better then everyone else. HUGE differance.
BoondockSaint
02-15-2007, 11:48 AM
Hmmm....O.K. Well Everyman...I just can't err on the side of arrogance. I just can't...it's not me. Cameron...well, what if there isn't really anything to like about yourself though? What then?
cameronfl
02-15-2007, 11:53 AM
Cameron...well, what if there isn't really anything to like about yourself though? What then?
Then you need therapy. Seriously..if your self esteem is SO low you dont like ANYTHING about yourself....you need help.
BoondockSaint
02-15-2007, 12:23 PM
Well Cameron....I've always felt that, once you start to love yourself, you stop improving yourself. I don't know if that makes much sense....but, the way I explain it in my head works. LOL
cameronfl
02-15-2007, 01:52 PM
Well Cameron....I've always felt that, once you start to love yourself, you stop improving yourself. I don't know if that makes much sense....but, the way I explain it in my head works. LOL
Thats absolutely not true. You can love yourself...but still strive to be better. I love myself just for the fact that I AM improving every day...or at least trying to.
BoondockSaint
02-15-2007, 02:08 PM
Well, you do make a very good point there Cameron. I guess it's just hard for me, cause I don't really have many redeeming qualities....at least none that I know of. So, this whole "confidence" thing we're talking about kind of eludes me.
cameronfl
02-15-2007, 03:13 PM
Well, you do make a very good point there Cameron. I guess it's just hard for me, cause I don't really have many redeeming qualities....at least none that I know of. So, this whole "confidence" thing we're talking about kind of eludes me.
If you seriously think that....I urge you to go get therapy ASAP. Being that self depricating is not healthy
Quickwit
02-15-2007, 10:19 PM
Well, you do make a very good point there Cameron. I guess it's just hard for me, cause I don't really have many redeeming qualities....at least none that I know of. So, this whole "confidence" thing we're talking about kind of eludes me.
HMM that is so not true...
you are honest, funny, very talented (he is a musician) Giving, loyal ...you know now that I think about it... I love you man :'( hehee
If my sister wasn't such a bitch Id set you up with her.
jaizaine
02-15-2007, 10:41 PM
Boondock I am not trying to critise you here but it is very unappealing to most women when a man is not confident and self-assured.
Maybe you should go to some sort of assertiveness workshop or a confidence building one. A male friend of mine was once so paralysed by shyness that he could not even order a drink at the shop coz he was not confident enough to speak to the cashier. He did some confidence building, self-help seminars and he now owns a very successful fashion label, he really is a changed man.
I started seeing a guy once who had a low opinion of himself. It started to become more and more apparent as time went on. He kept saying things like "why would someone like you like someone like me", "you are too good for me", "people must wonder what you are doing with me".
It pissed me off to the point where I started to believe what he believed about himself and I broke it off.
I am a believer in the premise that you have to love yourself before you are capable of loving another in a healthy romantic relationship.
BoondockSaint
02-16-2007, 07:06 AM
HMM that is so not true...
you are honest, funny, very talented (he is a musician) Giving, loyal ...you know now that I think about it... I love you man :'( hehee
If my sister wasn't such a bitch Id set you up with her.
LOL...Dude, you know that I don't care that your sister's a bitch. True I may me somewhat giving, I am honest, and very loyal. I never really saw myself as funny, or all that talented. But, even if I am all those thing, so are like a billion other people. It doesn't really set me apart. Jaizaine.... Well, I've never had any problems ordering a drink or talking to a cashier, or bartender. Good to know your friend is doing better. "Why would someone like you like someone like me?", "you are too good for me", "people must wonder what you are doing with me"....Wow, I think I've actually said all those things before. LOL Anyway.... I never really said that I had a LOW opinion of myself. I just like to be up front and honest with people about who I am so that they know what to expect.
Bridgette
02-16-2007, 07:41 AM
The "upfront and honest" thing is coming off as insecurity, and it's annoying. Knock it off.
Go back to the club and talk to this girl. Ask for her phone number. If she gives it to you, call her in 2-3 days and ask her out.
Or you can just keep waiting...
BoondockSaint
02-16-2007, 09:30 AM
Bridgette....I didn't know that being up front and honest was annoying. I just always thought that it was better than hiding something. I'm not trying to be sarcastic when I say that either. I was actually in the club last night and talked to her quite a bit as usual. She already has my number, and I told her that if she ever wanted to get together to just give me a call. I think asking her for her number would be kinda overkill, wouldn't it? And plus, I don't want to be pushy, it's not my style. I mean, I'm just kinda stuck. I'm contemplating just giving up.
Jenny
02-16-2007, 09:45 AM
Then give up already.
Sorry, dude, not to sound harsh, but stripperweb can't get you dates. We can't call up your girl and say "you know he has some personal confidence issues.... why don't you make it easy on him".
We also can't help you with your confidence issues. We don't know you. We can't sit around telling you how great you are, because we don't know if you're great, in what ways you're great and really don't have any real investment in it. What B said was true - don't act like that. Nobody likes someone who they have to constantly reassure. So you're average - a lot of people are average. That's what average MEANS. Other average guys can bite the bullet and ask out girls. You can too.
You've had you're advice - it is universal. Make your move. Does this guarantee a date? No. We aren't the stripper mafia. We can't make other strippers date you. It does guarantee that she has the chance to say yes or no, and that is the whole point.
BoondockSaint
02-16-2007, 10:10 AM
Well, it looks like I said something wrong or gave some people the wrong impression. I'm sorry about that. I was never looking for anyone to get me dates. Hell, I've never even been on a date. I keep hearing "ask her out"....SHE'S the one who asked ME. I can't ask her out after that....that would just be lame. Anyway, I have sincerely enjoyed reading all your comments. I'm sorry if I rubbed some of you the wrong way.
Jenny
02-16-2007, 10:18 AM
^^^
Dude, we already read that. Our whole point is that YES YOU CAN. If a guy says to me "we should get together some time" it is absolutely fine for me to subsequently say "How about next Wednesday?" You're not in some intricate social trap, and really you're making far too much of this in order to avoid having to do anything.
Bridgette
02-16-2007, 04:31 PM
What I mean boondock, is that you are apparently using being "upfront and honest" as an excuse not to do anything. I think you've already ruined it with this girl though - I think you've already shown her your insecurity and that is unattractive.
Loving yourself is the first step in getting someone else to love you. You can excuse your self-loathing any way you want, but it's still self-loathing and you will get nowhere with women until you can see your own good qualities. Valuing and loving yourself is NOT arrogance. It just drives me nuts to see people confusing those two very different things.
Katrine
02-16-2007, 05:32 PM
Me smelleth troll. No one could be THAT pathetic! Plus his buddy is on here "helping". Suspect.......
Everyman
02-16-2007, 05:40 PM
Me smelleth troll. No one could be THAT pathetic! Plus his buddy is on here "helping". Suspect.......
On this last page of the thread I was beginning to get the same smell.
- I've never been on a date
- I would never call a girl after I've given her my number, that would be "lame"
wtf? I'm starting to not buy it.
doc-catfish
02-16-2007, 05:53 PM
:zzz: :zzz: Anyone got a fork?
Me smelleth troll.
I concluded that about three pages ago, which is about one page after I quit reading. This thread kind of got "Super Cecil-ish" very quickly.
BoondockSaint
02-16-2007, 11:15 PM
O.K. Now you've all completely confused me.....Troll, "Super Cecil-ish", self-loathing? When did this get out of hand? LOL
Katrine...My friend joined by his own free will. I didn't force him to do anything.
Everyman...What exactly aren't you "buying"?
And, Doc...Well, I don't even know where to begin with "Super Cecil-ish."
jaizaine
02-16-2007, 11:27 PM
I don't know. I think some people think u might be a troll - as in not a genuine poster but with some ulterior motive to posting - attention seeking behaviour.
I think you need to just stop thinking about this situation so much mate and just see how it works out. If she calls - good, if she doesn't - well disappointing but not the end of the world.
You say you have never dated before now I must advise u that a strip club is the worst possible place to try to find a date. This is especially so for a man who is not very experienced. There are places you can go such as a regular bar, dating agency, singles nights where you can meet someone who you know has similar intentions and there will be much less drama.
Dancers go to strip clubs to work not find dates. If she does happen to like you then good but there is a huge chance here that it is just stripper shit.
While I hate the stereotypes that dancers are a whole different species of woman etc, what I do usually find to be true is that she will be far more experienced with the whole dating thing than you - as you say you have never had a date before.
So a person who has never dated before trying to date a stripper might be analogous to a first time driver getting behind the wheel of a ferrari.
UtahMike
02-16-2007, 11:47 PM
For what it's worth, Boondock and Quickwit have entirely different styles of writing, so it is unlikely they are the same person, which I believe some have hinted.
Boondock, my advice: If you enjoy watching the dancer dance, go to the club and enjoy it. Pay your money and enjoy the show. If she won't take your money, someone else will.
If you want a date, go somewhere else, like a book discussion group or a square dancing club.
If you think about it, you can actually do both of those.
Bridgette
02-16-2007, 11:49 PM
"Nothing good about me" = self-loathing.
Quickwit
02-17-2007, 12:11 AM
:P Well I am here agreeing with most of you and I am the one who called him Pathetic with women. I have been telling him for a while now that women like a confident man. And I think he confuses confidence with ass whole. I can be both and I have no problem talking to women. I need him to talk to women so that when we go out I'm not out numbered.
He is definitely NOT here for attention, I think this is the only thread he has been on. I myself have been on a few others and even talked to a stripper on Yahoo 8) lol
I joined because I think this site is very entertaining and I am learning more about SC. What he needs to do is keep his opinions of himself to himself and just talk. You don't walk up to a women and say Hi my name is and tell her your opinion of yourself whether it is good or bad.
We all need you to call her bluff and say hey why don't we go out this week?
Yes you are golden .... no you are right where you are now. Who cares.
Thanks
BoondockSaint
02-17-2007, 06:30 AM
Jaizaine....Ahhh, O.K. a troll. Gotcha. Well, first off, I know what your saying about a SC being a bad place to find a date. But the thing is, I never went there LOOKING for a date. I just went in to have some drinks and kill time. In fact, I've never actually LOOKED for a date anywhere. When I say I've never been on a date, I mean that I've never gone out with a girl that I wasn't already involved with. I've had 3 girlfriends, but they were all long distance, so we had already established a relationship before I had actually met them in person.
I know that I'm probably thinking to much about the situation...I've always been that way, I get wrapped up in something and I analyze every little detail. I'm trying to work on that, believe me. LOL
Oh, and by the way...great analogy too! :-)
datchapin
02-18-2007, 04:41 PM
I missed alot of what was said, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents.
Confidence is the faith in your abilities and yourself. Arrogance is false confidence. Ex. Confidence- I can pick up some girls. Arrogance- I can pick up any girl.
Boondock hit the nail on the head with his comment about loving yourself and it's relation to improvement. Love isn't just some feeling, one of the elements of love is acceptance and if you truly love/accept yourself then the question becomes, why would you want to improve/change something about yourself.
Bridgette I disagree with the loving yourself is the first step to making others love you. The definition of love varies from person to person. So, what would happen if someone simply liked themselves? I've had girls who thought they loved me and insisted on it, but as they learned more about me they came to realize I wasn't the person they thought I was. How can you or anybody love someone if they don't know them. That to me it the first step, getting to know somebody.
Boondock you want something to be confident about? Here you go man, you're unique, your manner of thinking is unique, there are very few people that think like you. The fact that you realize there are millions who do the same thing does not negate the fact that you are the only one that has gone through the combination of events or been affected the same way. There may be a ton of people that are like Boondock Saint, but you are the only authentic Boondock Saint in the world. (Oh that was nice word play if I do say so myself.) You can take that to the bank.
Quickwit, how can you talk without revealing your opinion of yourself? I mean it's not about what you say, but how you say it that reflects how you carry yourself.
Boondock, from what I've read, albeit it's not much as I've only skimmed the last 2 pages this is what I think. Dude you hold yourself to a very high standard, sometimes you got to realize that your standards blow the standards of those who you interact with right out of the water. Stay true to who you are and don't worry about what others think, especially here, because you know what none of us really make any accurate assesment of you from such limited interaction. Even in real life it's hard to make assesments so you shouldn't concern yourself much with other's opinions, period.
I think I got most everything.
BoondockSaint
02-20-2007, 08:20 AM
Well Datchapin, you put my thoughts in to words very nicely....something that I have a hard time doing myself. Oh, and thanks for the kind words. I don't know what I did to warrant them, but thanks. Yeah, you're right, I do try to hold myself to a high standard, but doesn't everyone? It's not so much that I worry about what others think, but I do value their opinions and advice. Of course in this situation, I've gotten everything from "she's just working you for money", to "she digs you", to "she just wants attention"....so, I don't know what to do anymore. What my gut is telling me is to just to go in there on Thursday and just be direct with her. That's the way I've always operated and I see no reason to stop now.
pinups4
04-13-2013, 08:26 PM
It happens...though I think this story has holes, or she's immature.
I have done it with a few favs...when we were new to each other even...if I was sitting at bar and a guy was tying her time without tips. She flags me over, I give her a hug, slip a $100 into her bikini and walk off. She slips it back to me later (I tip her other times through the night that she keeps...it is work of course)
other times, we're sitting there chatting and some doofus comes up and is hitting on her (again, not tipping. Wasting time with me is not getting you the cash a real customer would drop, so dump me and follow the money) - he isn't tipping for her time so we do the $100 trick again, with tens
Sadly, it never got the customer to get it....but it did freak him out that I would slide tens over every few seconds while she was talking with him.
sure..getting your $ back can happen, and some girls dont want to hustle all the time ... but... rarely.
yoda57us
04-13-2013, 09:46 PM
This thread is six years old. Please don't bump old threads. It is against forum rules.