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UtahMike
04-01-2007, 10:39 PM
If I felt insulted by a guy, such as ones who say, "I like an older woman," (without knowing my age or anything about me) or something like that, I may or may not continue to entertain him, depending on how quickly he realizes his rudeness. I'll say, "You know, you really need to watch it when you are making assumptions about a woman's age. And the word "old" is not something you ever want to use in front of a woman."
Dancer once told me she was 37 years old and had two children.

I said, "Wow! You don't look more than about 16!"

Then, later as she danced, I noticed that around her eyes, she did not look 16, but I decided not to mention it.

Pretty_Penny
04-02-2007, 09:09 AM
djoser, we can't wear latex. it -has- to be tape. we do what we can to thin it out, like rubbing it back and forth across the edge of a counter first, slathering it with hairspray and blending it into the skin with make-up, etc... but tape is still tape. i mean, we use the flesh colored medical kind, but still. most of the time guys don't notice till they get up to the stage or get a private dance. unfortunately, many of them (from out of town) are like "ohhhh it's TAPE, i thought something was wrong with your nipples". >:( stupid tape.

Djoser
04-02-2007, 09:22 AM
Do you have any artistic skill, whatsoever? If you do, you can make the tape look realy cool, instead of stupid, by painting on it--especially if your club has blacklights and you use florescent paint.

Then the guys will compliment you instead of bitching. Some of the dancers made a lot more when I did this. In nightclub lighting (esp. the florescent) you can't see the tape anymore, just what's painted there.

It's hard to paint on your own breasts, I have seen them try this when I was too busy to get to them, and it never looked good, lol--but you can paint on the tape first and then put it on, if you do it just right.

Some of the dancers would save the painted tape and use it the next night or two, even.

There are a lot of things you can paint very easily, too.

But this is getting off-topic now, I apologize to the moderators.

Penny, PM me if you are interested in trying this out, I can probably help you with it.

Kabukicho
04-02-2007, 09:50 AM
You could always replace it with what my stupid cousin said when I told him he ought to compliment his date. "For a fat girl, you sure don't sweat much."

:rotfl:

seb1
04-17-2007, 10:25 AM
since i know that a lot of guys are clueless when it comes to how NOT to compliment a woman, i wanted to clarify something here:

never, and i mean -never- everevereverEVER, not even with the "toughest" seeming girl, should you say anything that can (and will most likely) be heard as "i'm trying to compliment something i think is obviously a flaw of yours"

confused?

i'll give some examples.

dancer has small natural breasts. you love these breasts. what do you say? "honey, don't ever worry about your breast size..."

WRONG

you know what else is wrong?

"i know most guys like big tits, but......"

why is it wrong? it's because (even if it may be good intentioned) you're complimenting her by first stating that you think the compliment is probably not a popular opinion. i get these kinds of compliments on my breasts ALL THE TIME. i also work with a very tall very curvy (not fat... but very curvy) girl who gets compliments like....

"don't ever worry about your weight" and "i like a woman with a little more weight on her" generaly said while doing something stupid like grabbing and shaking her thigh.



Hi Penny...

Well most of the time it's the woman putting down her breast because their small and talking about breast implants... I can't tell you how many girls I've said are you nuts too their perfect the way they are.

Ladies let me fill you in a guy secret. You assume guys love big breasts because when their in your presence the bigger the breasts the better they are. I guess big is macho. When guys are alone and out of the presence of girls though their always talking about how much they love the small breasts. don't let their bullshit fool you.

threlayer
04-23-2007, 07:07 PM
I seem not to give compliments readily. If a dancer asks me about some part of her body, I will answer in some realistic but complimentary fashion. Typically it is about her boobs, like "I'm thinking about getting implants, what do you think" (size etc). Normally I will comment on competition/pressure from other dancers being a motive that I understand and some related, technical thing she alludes to.

The few times I've given compliements on my own it has been phrases like "you have the best figure of all the dancers" or " I think you are stunning." This all depends on what I think is true. If I can't think of anything great to say, I will say nothing. The smile and tip and return visits will say more than I usually can express.

Andygirl
04-24-2007, 04:17 PM
Dancer once told me she was 37 years old and had two children.

I said, "Wow! You don't look more than about 16!"

Then, later as she danced, I noticed that around her eyes, she did not look 16, but I decided not to mention it.

Lol, yeah, it's probably good you didn't mention that.;)

crizgolfer
04-28-2007, 08:43 PM
Typically it is about her boobs, like "I'm thinking about getting implants, what do you think" (size etc).

Oh my...the dreaded "are my boobs big enough?" question. A lifetime of experience has taught me that as a male...there is no correct answer to that question. I have learned that when this question is posed to me, the most intelligent response is to begin innocently whistling and try to not make eye contact....:O

evan_essence
04-29-2007, 12:56 PM
Am I the only one here that finds this topic a wee tad ridiculous? ::)No.


No two women have the exact same boundaries regarding these sort of things, and personally I don't see where its my obligation to figure out which gal is going to be offended by my mannerisms and which isn't, particularly when no offensiveness was intended.Agreed, at least not in the club. The business model is centered around fulfilling your fantasy so I don't think you should have to worry about stuff like this, as long as you're actually paying for it, not just hanging out like a deadbeat. I know you personally don't like the fantasy characterization, but this is a perfect example of what I mean when I use the word. Not worrying about verbal social conventions like what you say about my titties, to me, is expressly part of the fantasy that you're paying for. This thread has some great advice for OTC social interactions, but ITC, f*ck it.


We men deal with enough neurotic emotional static from women in the real world as it is. One of the reasons we go to strip clubs is to get away from it for a couple of hours.Yup, and I'm only now coming to realize that you guys have such sensitive egos that you seem to consistently take suggestions like this as if it's broader criticism applicable to all manhood than what is actually intended, and react more defensively than I would expect. If we're engaging in newfound sensitivity, perhaps we should adjust the nature of our suggestions to customers accordingly.

-Ev

RoseWhite
04-29-2007, 01:18 PM
Agreed, at least not in the club. The business model is centered around fulfilling your fantasy so I don't think you should have to worry about stuff like this, as long as you're actually paying for it, not just hanging out like a deadbeat. I know you personally don't like the fantasy characterization, but this is a perfect example of what I mean when I use the word. Not worrying about verbal social conventions like what you say about my titties, to me, is expressly part of the fantasy that you're paying for. This thread has some great advice for OTC social interactions, but ITC, f*ck it.


I mean this respectfully, evan, but not EVERYTHING is okay under the umbrella of "fantasy" experiences. I don't object to the concept of fantasy in the SC, not at all, but you can still maintain some semblance of minimally respectful human behavior. Talking to our tits is fine. Ogling us is fine. Talking endlessly about yourself is fine (as long as time is compensated). All things that might not fly in the outside world, and I'm sure others here can think of plenty of others.

But if your own personal fantasy includes, say, calling me a fucking cunt (not saying it does, just using an extreme example) without consequence, I think that's kind of not okay, even if it's your "fantasy". I know that's not exactly what you're arguing for, but it's a bit of a slippery slope, isn't it?

All the OP was pointing out is that backhanded compliments are not really compliments at all, so IF a guy WANTS to compliment us, it's a good idea to leave the nasty subtext out of it. That's it. Don't compliment us if you don't want to. If - IF - you do want to, here's a few thoughts on how to do it respectfully.

Mastridonicus
04-29-2007, 01:30 PM
Talking endlessly about yourself is fine (as long as time is compensated).

Conversations of this vein never last long even when I AM paying :(

RoseWhite
04-29-2007, 01:31 PM
^^ That's why we set you up with an automatic monthly withdrawal. You're covered.

Mastridonicus
04-29-2007, 01:32 PM
Wow. It IS like a marriage...

evan_essence
04-29-2007, 01:36 PM
All the OP was pointing out is that backhanded compliments are not really compliments at all, so IF a guy WANTS to compliment us, it's a good idea to leave the nasty subtext out of it. That's it. Don't compliment us if you don't want to. If - IF - you do want to, here's a few thoughts on how to do it respectfully.Here's another way of looking at it. This thread assumes the benefit of the compliment should be the dancer. I say no, that's not the point of it at all. The benefit of the compliment is to make the customer feel good. Saying the stuff the OP is objecting to accomplishes that, thus business mission accomplished.

And you're right that intentionally hurtful vitriol or threats are extreme examples that I'm not addressing. I suppose that underscores the point that it's all about where the boundaries are, they're somewhere, you can't just do anything like murder me as your fantasy, but I think that socially awkward compliments about body parts are clearly within bounds because, again, they make the customer feel good about himself, not because I like them. (You want these guys to become socially suave? Then they'd go pick up free women and we'd have no customers. :) )

-Ev

RoseWhite
04-29-2007, 01:43 PM
(You want these guys to become socially suave? Then they'd go pick up free women and we'd have no customers. :) )
-Ev

True, that! Heh. I'll try to keep that in mind the next time someone tells he he "likes 'em thick". (I'll also feel better about taking his money.)

Mastridonicus
04-29-2007, 02:13 PM
I'll try to keep that in mind the next time someone tells he he "likes 'em thick".

He'd be clearly talking about someone else.

And if not, feel bad for the obvious prescription of the glasses he left in the car.

FBR
04-29-2007, 02:29 PM
And you're right that intentionally hurtful vitriol or threats are extreme examples that I'm not addressing. I suppose that underscores the point that it's all about where the boundaries are, they're somewhere, you can't just do anything like murder me as your fantasy, but I think that socially awkward compliments about body parts are clearly within bounds because, again, they make the customer feel good about himself, not because I like them. (You want these guys to become socially suave? Then they'd go pick up free women and we'd have no customers. :) )

-Ev

Ev, I agree with what you're saying which, in what I hope is a accurate summary, is that we all have to put up with a bit of crap, intended and unintended, from our customers. I mean, yeah we could all take the high road, but if I ditched every customer who ever said something that bothered me I wouldn't have many left :O

In the example cited by the OP, I believe it was just a gaffe. And I suspect that customer faux pas is the cause of most of this type of dancer irritation. But I can see wanting to bitch slap a customer who obviously is going out of his way to insult the dancer just because he can and is frustrated that he isn't allowed to behave that way at home.

FBR

Mastridonicus
05-04-2007, 12:26 PM
In the example cited by the OP, I believe it was just a gaffe. And I suspect that customer faux pas is the cause of most of this type of dancer irritation. But I can see wanting to bitch slap a customer who obviously is going out of his way to insult the dancer just because he can and is frustrated that he isn't allowed to behave that way at home.

FBR

Quote me on this: Love em with money, or they'll hate you chainsaws.

goldenmean
05-06-2007, 02:02 AM
I have found that most times when I am a private audience to a dance I am almost always struck by the smell of a woman. When I compliment the woman it's usually because they smell good. I think that's because women, most women I encounter anyway, have smells to them that conjure up pleasant thoughts and memories. That's usually all I can muster, though, because I'm too mesmerized to say much else. As you might be able to tell I don' get dances a lot. LOL.

Embyr
05-06-2007, 04:33 AM
.... well that was an interesting first post... ^^^^ i like your sig, is it from everything is illuminated?

anyway, i LOVE it when guys are getting a dance and they will clutch my breasts and plead, "don't ever get a boob job!" and i'm always thinking, umm, wasn't planning on it, thanks... as in, not EVERY stripper wants big boobs, sir. men aren't the only people that like small/natural once in a while.


and as for pussy compliments... just for once, i want someone to say, very simply, "you have a beautiful vagina." yup- just like that. Not, "you got a gorgeous puss," or "you're really hung for a chick"*(wtf)*, or "that's a lot of woman for such a little girl..."

those aren't CoMPlImenTs. they're awkward. just tell me I have a pretty vagina. please.


Here's another way of looking at it. This thread assumes the benefit of the compliment should be the dancer. I say no, that's not the point of it at all. The benefit of the compliment is to make the customer feel good. Saying the stuff the OP is objecting to accomplishes that, thus business mission accomplished.

And you're right that intentionally hurtful vitriol or threats are extreme examples that I'm not addressing. I suppose that underscores the point that it's all about where the boundaries are, they're somewhere, you can't just do anything like murder me as your fantasy, but I think that socially awkward compliments about body parts are clearly within bounds because, again, they make the customer feel good about himself, not because I like them. (You want these guys to become socially suave? Then they'd go pick up free women and we'd have no customers. :) )

-Ev


... well, that is another way of looking at it... I think the OP was merely stating that IF the customer wanted to work on being more socially apt in his compliments, this thread was to give tips. But yes, most everything in the club is customer-benefit-related.

Lysondra
05-06-2007, 05:08 AM
djoser, we can't wear latex. it -has- to be tape. we do what we can to thin it out, like rubbing it back and forth across the edge of a counter first, slathering it with hairspray and blending it into the skin with make-up, etc... but tape is still tape. i mean, we use the flesh colored medical kind, but still. most of the time guys don't notice till they get up to the stage or get a private dance. unfortunately, many of them (from out of town) are like "ohhhh it's TAPE, i thought something was wrong with your nipples". >:( stupid tape.

I have a friend who makes a very obvious point to use gold star stickers so it's actually funny and people can tell what it is.

goldenmean
05-06-2007, 01:36 PM
.... well that was an interesting first post... ^^^^ i like your sig, is it from everything is illuminated?

anyway, i LOVE it when guys are getting a dance and they will clutch my breasts and plead, "don't ever get a boob job!" and i'm always thinking, umm, wasn't planning on it, thanks... as in, not EVERY stripper wants big boobs, sir. men aren't the only people that like small/natural once in a while.


and as for pussy compliments... just for once, i want someone to say, very simply, "you have a beautiful vagina." yup- just like that. Not, "you got a gorgeous puss," or "you're really hung for a chick"*(wtf)*, or "that's a lot of woman for such a little girl..."

those aren't CoMPlImenTs. they're awkward. just tell me I have a pretty vagina. please.




... well, that is another way of looking at it... I think the OP was merely stating that IF the customer wanted to work on being more socially apt in his compliments, this thread was to give tips. But yes, most everything in the club is customer-benefit-related.

Thank you. LOL. I guess I should have made a post in the one of the introductory threads with all that get-to-know-ya stuff, but I was browsing through this thread because it's an interesting topic and I just remembered what I usually say to a dancer whose dancing for me. I guess I'm more of an olfactory guy. I bet a dancer could wave a bottle of perfume under my nose, not even have to remove a stitch of clothing and it would be entertainment to me.

And the sig is from "Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close" it's the saddest book I've ever read. And one of the most quoteworthy.

Oh, and please to meet you all.

Littlelo
05-09-2007, 08:47 PM
As to the "Don't ever get a boob job" thing...Being an A cup, I hear this a LOT. I've been dancing for eight years. If I wanted implants, I'd have them by now. If you're saying to yourself, "well how would the customer know that?", you're right, he wouldn't. That's what ticks me off. I HATE it when people make assumptions about me. I know that he's not trying to insult me. I know he means it as a compliment. But he's ASSUMING that I'm insecure and unhappy with my body. I don't get all huffy, I (most of the time) accept his compliment gracefully, but after hearing this for eight years its one of the comments that makes me want to put my foot up someone's ass. The other one is "you've got really nice nipples".....that's such a weird thing to say to someone! lol

Say "You're pretty", "You've got a great figure", "You're fun to be with" or " I love the way you dance" and most dancers will give you a genuine smile! Most of us don't want to hear vulgar comments about our anatomy. If you're complimenting a girl as part of YOUR fantasy, fine. But if you want to make HER feel good, don't be vulgar. Be polite and think before you open your mouth.

Skywalker
05-10-2007, 05:07 AM
I'm not a regular, but when I go to a stripclub, I usually sit pretty silently and just tip and smile and respond to questions the dancer asks me. One time I was in a club and noticed a beautiful dancer who had something I'd never seen before in a club, a wonderfully perfect larger-than-average ass. I realize the "standard", which I call "stripper-ass", must be considered perfect by most men's standards, because that's what's out there, and although this type is nice, they're not what turns me on. This dancer was experiencing the "everybody gets up and leaves when she comes onstage" syndrome. For those talking about compliments not being said perfectly, when this happens it must be the ultimate slam. How do dancers deal with that crap, besides getting out of the business?

In any case, I thought she was the sexiest dancer I'd ever seen, and whenever she came on, I went to her stage. I told her I rarely, if ever, said anything to dancers, but "you have BY FAR the nicest ass of all the dancers". I meant it, and she took it well. Not only did she go out of her way to show me her ass constantly during each dance, which was heaven to me, she told me her supposed real name, told me her schedule, and gave me a phone number. Perhaps I was being played, and perhaps I missed a golden opportunity, because I never saw her again.

However, would other dancers who are touchy about their figures get angry with that compliment? I didn't say "I like large asses" or "Other men might prefer the more common stripper-ass" first...I just said what I said. In this case it went over well. Even if she was playing me, I could tell she took it as it was meant to be...a compliment...and perhaps she actually liked me.

(Question: Under the circumstances mentioned above, what's the thought on whether she really liked me and I blew it versus being told all this with the hopes of more money and regular visits. She never asked me if I wanted a private dance, because under the circumstances, I was already getting that, as there were never any other men at her stage)

RoseWhite
05-10-2007, 05:17 AM
^^^ *APPLAUDS!*

Exactly. Guys who were out to make the kind of backhanded non-compliment that Penny was talking about would have said, "I know most guys don't like big asses like yours, but I actually think it's nice." It's so simple; if you like something and want to compliment it, just say so!!! We're always grateful for compliments. Don't phrase it in a way that suggests that the quality or attribute is freakish and, well, aren't you a lucky little dancer that I just so happen to have a fetish for that kind of freakishness.

Right on, Skywalker. You get it.

UtahMike
05-16-2007, 09:31 PM
Yeah, but I don't know how many times I have said something like, "I really like your boobies, they are so very beautiful."

And the reply? Usually not a thank you, but instead, "But they are so small!"

RoseLeigh
05-16-2007, 10:25 PM
^^^A lot of us are raised to not take a compliment, since that's being arrogant or too uppity or whatever. Sometimes we're having a bad day. or some guy just talked smack to us. It's just like everyday life. Doesn't mean you shouldn't give us a nice direct compliment. You try, we try.

And Skywalker-I'd like to second that applause. Definitely an example of a compliment that makes a girl not have to grit her teeth to smile. Please feel free to make the rounds of sc's and compliment the larger bottomed. ;)

Rose Leigh

RoseWhite
05-17-2007, 06:38 AM
^^^A lot of us are raised to not take a compliment, since that's being arrogant or too uppity or whatever.
Rose Leigh

(This is kind of off-topic, but about women and compliments, so hopefully not too much of a tangent.)

What RoseLeigh said is true - we're very much conditioned NOT to take compliments at face value. If you do, you're conceited. There's a great book called "Queen Bees and Wannabes" (it's actually nonfiction, but it's what inspired Tina Fey to write "Mean Girls") that details how young adolescent girls actually CULTIVATE it in each other. It's a constant test and an unwavering yet unwritten rule: any time you receive a compliment, you must immediately cut yourself down in response. If not, you risk the dreaded label of "stuck-up'.

Aren't girls are WEIRD? ;) Just food for thought, I guess. Not that customers need to be concerned about women's psychosocial baggage, especially since that may be part of what they come to the club to escape, but there you have it, if you're curious about the origins of such stuff.

salsa4ever
05-17-2007, 09:07 AM
(This is kind of off-topic, but about women and compliments, so hopefully not too much of a tangent.)

What RoseLeigh said is true - we're very much conditioned NOT to take compliments at face value. If you do, you're conceited. There's a great book called "Queen Bees and Wannabes" (it's actually nonfiction, but it's what inspired Tina Fey to write "Mean Girls") that details how young adolescent girls actually CULTIVATE it in each other. It's a constant test and an unwavering yet unwritten rule: any time you receive a compliment, you must immediately cut yourself down in response. If not, you risk the dreaded label of "stuck-up'.

Aren't girls are WEIRD? ;) Just food for thought, I guess. Not that customers need to be concerned about women's psychosocial baggage, especially since that may be part of what they come to the club to escape, but there you have it, if you're curious about the origins of such stuff.


That's interesting. It just seems so natural to me if someone gives me a compliment to take it at face value. It saves me from having to think too hard PLUS makes me feel good! When someone said to me "you're a great dancer", my reply would be one of "Thank you!" or "I can only dance well with a good partner!"


Now the baggage point is certainly relevant. What we do is partially a result of our conditioning. But I'm fairly sure the more relevant variable is what the girl actually thinks of herself. If a compliment simply confirms what I know "you're a good dancer", I'll just take it in stride. But if it's like "Wow, you've got a great body!" (I don't think I do), then I'm more likely to lose my composure or dismiss the compliment.

RoseLeigh
05-17-2007, 10:24 AM
Now the baggage point is certainly relevant. What we do is partially a result of our conditioning. But I'm fairly sure the more relevant variable is what the girl actually thinks of herself. If a compliment simply confirms what I know "you're a good dancer", I'll just take it in stride. But if it's like "Wow, you've got a great body!" (I don't think I do), then I'm more likely to lose my composure or dismiss the compliment.

What a girl thinks of herself doesn't always have an effect on how she reacts to compliments. I've seen some very self assured women fall apart at compliments from some one they weren't expecting it from. I do think a lot of it is conditioning-it's natural to you to take a compliment at face value. Realize though, that some of us were raised to think that complimentors want something, that they are insincere or that a lady must be self-effacing.

Rose Leigh

striptaculous
05-24-2007, 11:43 PM
I gotta add my 2 cents worth here.

A Club is a great way to hone your social skills, where else can you so obviously flirt, and down and dirty with a hottie, and not get busted slapped or put off completely.

Use it to your advantage, hone the social skills to use outside the club environment.
Pay attention to the lady, flirt, pay compliments, be nice.......the usual.

It all comes down to, we are all human, find what works, and work it. Get good at it in the clubs, and you will find better luck outside the club.

redhothoney
05-25-2007, 12:44 AM
after you compliment a girl don't say "oh you probably hear that all night"... thats flattering to us, but we don't want to hurt your feelings because you don't feel creative...

Littlelo
05-25-2007, 01:20 AM
after you compliment a girl don't say "oh you probably hear that all night"... thats flattering to us, but we don't want to hurt your feelings because you don't feel creative...


I always reply to the "you must hear this all the time..." with "I promise, it never gets old!" *winning smile*