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Circe
04-18-2007, 12:00 PM
My nails are getting really long.

southstbabe
04-18-2007, 12:10 PM
Cops won't write you up for indecent exposure because it involves too much paper work. Thank God for too much paper work!

DylanAngel
04-18-2007, 12:11 PM
Cops won't write you up for indecent exposure because it involves too much paper work. Thank God for too much paper work!

I'm not even gonna ask how you know this!:-X ;D

southstbabe
04-18-2007, 12:21 PM
^^^yeah, I'm trying to forget it.....

krchab99
04-18-2007, 12:34 PM
I feel good and healthy today. I am going to work tonite I hope to make money. need to cook dinner. I love my hubby he was sweet today. :)

southstbabe
04-18-2007, 01:05 PM
^^^that reminds me, what am I going to make for dinner?

Roulette
04-18-2007, 01:16 PM
I cant do any of the things I wanted to do today. I cant concentrate on reading which I'd like to do so I'm making a cake I wont eat.

I love PJ's.

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 01:26 PM
Why can't I stop staring at Vyanka's and AlexxaHex's siggys?

DylanAngel
04-18-2007, 01:42 PM
Why do they call them Pizza Rolls? They're rectangular! Why don't they call them Pizza Pillows or something?

(not that I'm eating them...I'm just staring at the package wistfully...sigh)

Roulette
04-18-2007, 02:26 PM
yeah I really wanted pizza today but I had sprouts and broc instead. It wasn't the same, but my tum doesnt hurt like it would have had it been pizza.

I wonder what it would be like to be in a major motion picture that like everyone has heard of. Weird. I want to watch 5th element now.

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 03:49 PM
Why do birds crap on my white car when I park in front of my house? It's like they plan it. Damn feathered basterds>:(

BrunetteGoddess
04-18-2007, 07:59 PM
I really like Blueberry Stoli with Sprite. Vodka is my new favorite!

gingerlee
04-18-2007, 08:00 PM
Why was there a sign in a parking lot today that said, 'Beware of birds in trees' when there were no trees to be seen?

Why didn't I go to Ben & Jerry's Free Cone Day yesterday? I deserve some fuckin' Ben & Jerry's!

bellasera
04-18-2007, 08:07 PM
I tried to go to Ben & Jerry's but the line was so damn long I left. It was seriously curving around the outside of the store.

gingerlee
04-18-2007, 08:14 PM
^^I drove by one of ours, and there were at least 150 people in line. We have more than one Scoop Shop in Nashville, but I only go to that one. They gave me a frequent customer card a while back so I get 15% off if I go there, and for a while, I was chowin' on some B&J's.

Deni
04-18-2007, 08:17 PM
Ok...at the gas pumps at Wal-Mart (well, here anyway) there are two signs...

One says, "Pump first- we trust you!"

The one right above it says, "These premises are monitored at all times by cameras..."

Uh...you trust people but you don't? So why add the "we trust you" part if you put the monitoring sign right above?

Duh! :D

BrunetteGoddess
04-18-2007, 08:21 PM
Because they shouldn't i suppose? Can't trust people with that stuff...

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 08:39 PM
They trust you to drive off without paying, that's why they have the cameras!:D

MojoJojo
04-18-2007, 09:14 PM
I have many random thoughts. These might be some of them. I'm really not sure. I don't have the patience to actually read them. Lemme know if any of them are good...or not. Come to think of it - I don't care.

DEEP THOUGHTS

By Jack Handey

Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program!

Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

As the snow started to fall, he tugged his coat tighter around himself. Too tight, as it turned out. "This is the fourth coat crushing this year", said the sergeant as he outlined the body with a special pencil that writes on snow.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, "Hey, old buddy, how's it going?"

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's the monster, sound asleep.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

Blow ye winds, Like the trumpet blows; But without that noise.

Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

Can't the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they've caused?

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, "Hey, have you seen Fred?" And they'll say, "Fred who?" And you say, "Fred of snakes?" Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.

Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way.

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.

Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar.

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.

Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.

Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"

Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First, take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture.

How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some fireworks out the window? It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive.

Here's a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don't taste like it.

Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that his arms and legs form "spokes." Happiness is when he stops.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.

He was a spy, all right, and he knew it. He would walk into a room and people would go, "Who is that guy, a spy?" He'd laugh to himself, maybe pull out his gun and show it to the person, to kind of impress him (but not to show off). Sometimes spying was dirty work. Sometimes he'd kill a guy, then paint a clown face on his face. Nobody said he had to do that, but he did it anyway. So, dirty work.

Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you com out you're all covered with leeches. Just say, "Hey, has anybody seen my raisins?" (Because leeches kind of look like big raisins.)

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they're gone.

I'll be the first to admit that my idea of God is pretty different. I believe in a God with a long white beard, a gold crown, and a long robe with lots of shiny jewels on it. He sits on a big throne in the clouds, and He's about five hundred feet tall. He talks in a real deep voice like "I...AM...GOD!" He can blow up stuff just by looking at it. This is my own, personal idea of God.

If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?

I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetary, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

I think that Superman and Santa are actually the same guy, and I'll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody. That Alien!

I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar."

If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" No. I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots.

I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me "the Man" is behind this.

I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense.

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!

I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world? You're holding it in your hand." And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts. Then when he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum.

In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn't in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we're not going to hurt it.

I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary!

If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought WE won!"

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.

I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

BrunetteGoddess
04-18-2007, 09:19 PM
I'm not reading that! Sorry MJ....

Why is my screen jumping?

MojoJojo
04-18-2007, 09:24 PM
I'm not reading that! Sorry MJ....

Why is my screen jumping?

Hey - no worries....I didn't read it, either. I have problems maintaining my foc.......ohhhh look something SHINEY!

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 09:28 PM
Hey - no worries....I didn't read it, either. I have problems maintaining my foc.......ohhhh look something SHINEY!

Something shiny! Where?!

MojoJojo
04-18-2007, 09:31 PM
Look up! 2 o'clock! jingle-jingle


Something shiny! Where?!

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 09:41 PM
*looks up*

Oooooooo...

PrettyCurlieQ
04-18-2007, 09:47 PM
RANDOM THOUGHT:

After enjoying many posts/threads this evening, I'm thinking the ladies of SW together, with a few cocktails, would make one helluva slumber party. :) Or hell, any party.

But seriously, pillow fight, anyone??

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 09:54 PM
^^Only if it's topless:P

PrettyCurlieQ
04-18-2007, 09:54 PM
I'm in! :)

MojoJojo
04-18-2007, 09:54 PM
RANDOM THOUGHT:
But seriously, pillow fight, anyone??

I think it's a good idea....of course recognizing that I'm not invited to that party, which I'm perfectly comfortable with....but more than willing to help out when needed. Extra pillows....drinks.................holding the video camera.


Hey... Mojo's a GIVER!

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 10:34 PM
*ditches top grabs pillow and gently hits PrettyCurlieQ*

MojoJojo
04-18-2007, 10:37 PM
.........and Mojo quietly grabs his camera, lotion and some tissues and heeeeeeeeeads to the closet.

PrettyCurlieQ
04-18-2007, 10:38 PM
*ditches top grabs pillow and gently hits PrettyCurlieQ*
..wait, I've still got my shirt on!!! ...

...................
.............
........
..

Okay, hit me again...I'm ready :P

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 10:49 PM
*hits PrettyCurlieQ again*

*giggles*

*goes to closet and starts hitting MojoJojo*

*giggles*

PrettyCurlieQ
04-18-2007, 10:51 PM
The giggling is a necessity .. are our pillows bursting at the seams with feathers flying??

BalletBaby
04-18-2007, 11:01 PM
Mine is:P;)

*giggle*

MojoJojo
04-18-2007, 11:12 PM
MOJO turns himself into MONKEY PILLOW! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... .......

Roulette
04-19-2007, 05:42 AM
Why does having a french manicure make me feel more feminine?? Like I swear I feel so much more delicate and sexy and girly when my nails look pretty. I can't stop looking at them

Wal-Mart sucks a big ol' bag a dick. I hate them with a deep seething fiery passion.

I love sprouts and avocado with a little garlic and salt.

why are there chipper morning people. I hate them. I want to punch them all is their big white smiles. I am not happy about being up at 6, I should be going to bed at 6. wtf is wrong with them? (nothing against you guys on here if you wake up that early but guh... I do not get waking up at 6 and being chipper and up and bubbly. explain?)

JustJayda
04-19-2007, 06:39 AM
Why does having a french manicure make me feel more feminine?? Like I swear I feel so much more delicate and sexy and girly when my nails look pretty. I can't stop looking at them

Wal-Mart sucks a big ol' bag a dick. I hate them with a deep seething fiery passion.



Walmart isn't my favorite place either, but I LOVE them when I'm out of town, and I need a French Manicure & Moneygram!

thefrog
04-19-2007, 11:27 AM
i have a shaved head. so when i get mad why do i still reach up to pull it ??/:O

im so sleepy right now i cant hold my eyes open. so why will i not go to bed?

where does clifford the big red dog go poop!! ??

Roulette
04-19-2007, 12:47 PM
wow... Total Posts: 360 (13.35 posts per day) is what it says about me. weird. part of me feels like that is a lot and part of me feels like I post a hell of a lot more than that.

JustJayda
04-19-2007, 01:27 PM
Someone is Western Unioning me some cash. Its taking forever for them to actually get around to it. I trust them, but I am getting so impatient.

There are things on hold for me at the mall, I don't wanna spend "my own" money damnit!!!

Plus, I wanna go to Cheescake Factory NOW!!!!

Additionally, I usually feel my egg drop every month, I haven't yet.....

Roulette
04-19-2007, 01:30 PM
the rear inside of my left knee has been bothering me and I dont know what to do about it. gerr

krchab99
04-19-2007, 01:34 PM
I am so sleepy on nights I work i end up staying awake for a total of 48 hrs becuse i have day responsiblites to. Dam i am sleepy.

I hope thunder over louiville brings custy's to the club but from where mine is located it might make us dead becuse it is not right in the city we shall see.

BalletBaby
04-19-2007, 01:43 PM
wow... Total Posts: 360 (13.35 posts per day) is what it says about me. weird. part of me feels like that is a lot and part of me feels like I post a hell of a lot more than that.

Mine doesn't say how many posts per day. Hrmmm/:O

BalletBaby
04-19-2007, 01:45 PM
Plus, I wanna go to Cheescake Factory NOW!!!!



I'm pmsing, so now I'm going to be thinking about the cheesecake factory until I can go there. Cheeeeeesecaaaaaake.........*drool*

sc0101
04-19-2007, 01:46 PM
Mine doesn't say how many posts per day. Hrmmm/:O


Joined: 12-16-2006
Posts
Total Posts: 558 (4.52 posts per day)
Find all posts by BalletBaby
Find all threads started by BalletBaby

:D

BalletBaby
04-19-2007, 01:57 PM
^^Oooo I have a hott stalker! J/k sc0101

I looked all over my settings, but couldn't find it. Thanks!

sc0101
04-19-2007, 01:58 PM
^It's on your public profile, just click your name and view your own profile from the fourm.

Roulette
04-19-2007, 02:08 PM
I hate compliments. I dont know what to say so now I saw "aww thanks".... It's a compomise between "Aww you're obviously blind" and "thanks, that was nice of you, but you're WRONG!"

JustJayda
04-19-2007, 02:11 PM
I hate compliments. I dont know what to say so now I saw "aww thanks".... It's a compomise between "Aww you're obviously blind" and "thanks, that was nice of you, but you're WRONG!"

That's too bad, cuz ur avatar is hot. You're hot for being so modest!

Roulette
04-19-2007, 02:18 PM
That's too bad, cuz ur avatar is hot. You're hot for being so modest!

Modesty is for the weak! No haha uhm... thank you??? That isn't me in my avatar... this is me... if I had time and patience I'd make one into an avatar... I think one was to begin with but I got annoyed looking at it all the time! http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=77958&page=2
http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=59131&page=64&highlight=pictures+of+you


Ew. I wont be on SW for a few days. I am sad. I have been on like every day since I joined. last month. I am lame and obviously addicted!! alrightbye.