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britt244
03-18-2008, 06:39 PM
^ i'm not even worried about him saying no. i mean, if i WAS an addict or wanted to abuse them, i easily could. i had the ativan for a few weeks and didnt like it, so he called in xanax for me. i could talk him into giving me anything, probably. i think its just guilt from the past thats bothering me. when i have to pee a lot, i start to think that the people i'm with might think i'm doing drugs. even though there is NO reason to think that.

i think i should see a therapist to work through my issues with my past drug use, but it's EXTREMELY anxiety inducing to talk about and makes me totally freak out and cry.

im also eating and i'm not hungry. i thought xanax would make me not eat?

xanax is making my brain fuzzy. im certainly rambling on enough.

britt244
03-18-2008, 06:47 PM
ok, here's my not-so-secret secret. i dont want the pills to make me feel normal, iwant them to make me not feel anything. i LIKE the fuzzy, high feeling. at the same time, i dont, but i dont want to take a pill and just go on about my day as normal. i want to not give a shit about anything.

Katrine
03-18-2008, 07:02 PM
No kidding. Get pissed off if you want, but that's been clear to me for a while. Game knows game.

britt244
03-18-2008, 07:08 PM
well, to be fair, before i got them, i assumed they WOULD just make me feel normal. i NEVER liked taking pills when i was doing drugs. not at all. once i *got* the loopy feeling and knew thats what they were going to do to me, i guess i liked it.

in a perfect world i'd just have a happy pill that would make me not care about anything.

honestly, i DO have anxiety when i take them. i'm convinced there are people (or ghosts. either one. and yes i am being serious.) in my apartment and i search my closets over and over and am constantly turning around because im convinced im being looked at, and i totally panic and cant shower or turn off the lights or do anything. i can be looking at an empty room and it's like someone put a transparancy over my eyes or something, because i'm seeing the empty room but at the same time i'm seeing the pictures in my head. i just happen to like the feeling i get afterwards. is that really so bad? i think a lot of people on anxiety meds feel the same way.

britt244
03-18-2008, 07:12 PM
now that im thinking about it, its only when im at home that i WANT the loopy feeling. when im freaking out at work or something, i just want to feel normal, because i dont and wont work fucked up. again, in a perfect world...

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 07:15 PM
I just bought a ton of random stuff at Walmart. I think my credit card is going to explode! :O

britt244
03-18-2008, 07:15 PM
ew. the little brat on the nyc real housewives reminds me of dakota fanning being a brat in uptown girls.

telling her mom her clothes are disgusting, saying she needs to study hard to get into a good college and make a lot of money in case her marriage fails.. shes like 10!

Katrine
03-18-2008, 07:20 PM
in a perfect world i'd just have a happy pill that would make me not care about anything.


Yeah, I know what you mean. I wish my boy and I could be together nonstop and I wouldn't have to force these boundaries, but I need a little time apart from him and alcohol, so I am having alone time so I can get out of this depression. Things have been decent since Monday, and if I drink, it might cancel out my progress.

So I will eat and take pills too. I really ought to take my Seroquel. It will make me a bit loopy tonight too, first time in a while.....

lestat1
03-18-2008, 07:25 PM
Happy? I'll settle for something that gives me the absence of misery. :P

stellaforstars
03-18-2008, 07:34 PM
I hate it when people pretend to be all high and mighty about their feelings for you and the way you mistreat them when you know for a fucking fact that they're sleeping with other people--people that you are connected to in one way or another?

Do you really think I'm that ignorant?

//end rant.

Katrine
03-18-2008, 07:35 PM
Cocainz?

britt244
03-18-2008, 07:39 PM
bedtime, i guess...

my stomach hurts.

stellaforstars
03-18-2008, 07:42 PM
Goodnight, Britt.

Love, hugs, and happier tummies to you!

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 07:46 PM
I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Not sure if it's out of boredom or what, but I'm hella antsy.

Callyish
03-18-2008, 07:50 PM
I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Not sure if it's out of boredom or what, but I'm hella antsy.


Im having the same problem right now.

Im going stir crazy with no phone and a crappy unreliable net connection lol.

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 07:54 PM
Im having the same problem right now.

Im going stir crazy with no phone and a crappy unreliable net connection lol.

Ack! Maybe that's my problem. The net is all messed up and my phone is crappy too. :'(

Callyish
03-18-2008, 07:56 PM
Ginger be stir crazy with me then! LoL

Id say id call you but neither of us have a phone :rotfl:

Mily
03-18-2008, 07:57 PM
So tired. That is all. Goodnight SW.

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 07:57 PM
Cally, we suck, but at least we have SW!

Callyish
03-18-2008, 07:58 PM
LoL ginger we are rockin it old school!!!

Heh I seriously wandered around with my laptop trying to find a place where I picked up a connection.

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:03 PM
LoL ginger we are rockin it old school!!!

Heh I seriously wandered around with my laptop trying to find a place where I picked up a connection.

That's awesome. Why can I never find a hot chick wandering around with her laptop?

stellaforstars
03-18-2008, 08:09 PM
I believe I am going to sign off for the night. Hopefully tomorrow will bring less flooding and more of actually getting to have a damn trip.

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:12 PM
Good night Stella!

Callyish
03-18-2008, 08:13 PM
Okay I am seriously considering killing the DJ.

He keeps flirting with me even though i've told him im totally into my man, have no interest in him and im very taken and I can't stand guys hitting on me.

Yet he keeps doing it. I keep telling him no, i've bitched him out and he KEEPS DOING IT.

Even with me and the other two girls on the lineup standing in the DJ booth talking about my boy(they both know him) and how its so cool that him and I hooked up etc etc etc....

He doesn't get it. He even asked me what im doing after work and asked me to come party with him :banghead:

Lysondra
03-18-2008, 08:20 PM
I feel like a retard already. My boss keeps offering me work for Thursday and I keep going, 'I can do it next week (pub) but not this week... it's a holiday.'... and I think she's confused because she keeps sending it. Finally I said it's a holiday and I HAVE to attend service (plus I already am working Friday morning and night which are both nonos with Purim and Shabbat overlapping)... but I promised the Rabbi I'd be at Shul thursday afternoon. And I have to spend the morning cooking hamantaschen and making gift baskets for charity.

But now I'm fairly certain my boss is flippinf through her calendar going, "WTF HOLIDAY?!"

She must just think I'm a reaaaaally observant American with some silly American holiday or something.

DRAMA!

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:26 PM
Shot through the heart....

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:30 PM
Why do I get random crushes on people? People that SO aren't my type? WTF?

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:31 PM
Shot through the heart....

And you're to blame....

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:32 PM
And you're to blame....

You give love a bad name! :sing:

Yes, I am feeling particularly random tonight! ;D

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:33 PM
You give love a bad name! :sing:

Yes, I am feeling particularly random tonight! ;D

Damn you! Now that song is gonna be stuck in my head.

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:35 PM
Damn you! Now that song is gonna be stuck in my head.

At least I didn't start singing the other song that's been stuck in my head forever! It's country, so I'd probably get lynched here! :D

cameron_keys
03-18-2008, 08:36 PM
Lysondra...it seems like you are really happy with all this..I'm so happy FOR you!

Britt...I want a happy pill too. I'm thankful that the Cymbalta is at least keeping me from going bat shit crazy,but actually happy would be nice.

Dammit Ginger and Cally..why are there never hot bored girls who arent shy about getting naked around when I NEED them????

and just randomly..Irish Potatoes are SOOO yummy! I'm trying to limit myself to 1 or 2 a day. nom nom nom nom

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:37 PM
At least I didn't start singing the other song that's been stuck in my head forever! It's country, so I'd probably get lynched here! :D

Not by me! I'm all about some country. ;D

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:39 PM
Not by me! I'm all about some country. ;D

Yea, but it's so... cheesy! But I can't help it, I :heartbeat Taylor Swift! :-[

MsQwerty
03-18-2008, 08:40 PM
I a having a hideous time at work this week. I pray that my luck changes tonight!

Ozzy Osborne is draining me. I am now booking a limousine to bring my son and his friend home after the concert tomorrow as the last train goes before the concert ends. So Ill have spent $600 plus all up by the time its over 0-:

Lysondra
03-18-2008, 08:40 PM
Lysondra...it seems like you are really happy with all this..I'm so happy FOR you!

The Jewish thing? Yeah, I am happy. A bit disappointed I have to cancel work sometimes, but I seem to be getting into the community fairly well as a Fake Jew (at one point I used the term 'Half Baked Jew'... that didn't go over too well).

I've decided that full conversion is almost impossible while I'm dancing... which is okay because I'll be going to uni soon to start my business management and finance degree and then I can convert and...

I'll start off as a heathen stripper and end up as a Jewish business woman. :O

Lysondra
03-18-2008, 08:42 PM
I a having a hideous time at work this week. I pray that my luck changes tonight!

Ozzy Osborne is draining me. I am now booking a limousine to bring my son and his friend home after the concert tomorrow as the last train goes before the concert ends. So Ill have spent $600 plus all up by the time its over 0-:

A limo from Ozzy? AWESOME! A cab would've done, but hey, you're a cool mum so LIMO IT IS!

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:45 PM
Yea, but it's so... cheesy! But I can't help it, I :heartbeat Taylor Swift! :-[

Just give in. You know you want to. I'll even sing with you.

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:49 PM
Just give in. You know you want to. I'll even sing with you.

:sing: Our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late, tappin' on your window!

Snowles
03-18-2008, 08:50 PM
Cally, I'm going to try for Thunder Bay in April. But you're there now! A girl I know really wanted to try it, and it's so lame here, I wanted a change. I think I'm a masochist.

In other news, my crazy horse is in the process of being whispered. Whispered to glory! No more neck injuries for me! But fuck me, it couldn't cost more if I got Robert Redford himself.

Neat, I'll have to try to go and see ya. If you go at the same time as Cally, she'll make me, but I'll try to get down there anyway.:D

Bob_Loblaw
03-18-2008, 08:51 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2voXEUqmK5E

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:51 PM
:sing: Our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late, tappin' on your window!

When we're on the phone and you talk real slow...cuz it's late and your mama don't know!

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:53 PM
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow...cuz it's late and your mama don't know!

Our song is the way you laugh... the first date, man I didn't kiss her, and I should have!

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 08:56 PM
Our song is the way you laugh... the first date, man I didn't kiss her, and I should have!

And when I got home before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 08:57 PM
And when I got home before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again

Ginger, will you marry me? :-*

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 09:00 PM
Ginger, will you marry me? :-*

Why yes, yes I will.

I'll sing country songs at our wedding as long as you promise to make some awesome cookies at some point. :D

Callyish
03-18-2008, 09:02 PM
Neat, I'll have to try to go and see ya. If you go at the same time as Cally, she'll make me, but I'll try to get down there anyway.:D

LoL I promise I wont make you walk through the drive through of McDonalds this time :rotfl:

MsQwerty
03-18-2008, 09:03 PM
A limo from Ozzy? AWESOME! A cab would've done, but hey, you're a cool mum so LIMO IT IS!

Lol, I just figured its their first real concert, they might as well leave in style. Im sure it beats being picked up my mum or having to leave early to catch the last train!

Lady Jade
03-18-2008, 09:03 PM
Why yes, yes I will.

I'll sing country songs at our wedding as long as you promise to make some awesome cookies at some point. :D

It's a deal!

Do you think people would laugh too hard if we wore white? :D

gingerlee
03-18-2008, 09:05 PM
It's a deal!

Do you think people would laugh too hard if we wore white? :D

Of course not! We'll rock that shit!
:P