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Hatshepsut
04-10-2007, 12:04 AM
Yeah, don't do it for the kids. Kids have a 6th sense about this kind of stuff, and it'll manifest its way into them. I could be perfectionism, stress, violence, ADD, anything. I know from personal experience.

I'm really sorry that you don't have your own resources. I once had a boyfriend who was supporting me and holding it over my head. I felt powerless, but I couldn't go anywhere. Good luck finding some way to get out.

May I be rude and ask if you married him because you got pregnant? I'd hate to be a backseat driver, but these situations usually end badly.

evan_essence
04-11-2007, 12:22 AM
the old ones are paying all sorts of alimony and child supportSpeaking of which, Reg Here, what's the age difference between you and Dr. Surge-In? What is his current marital status and past marital history? Does he have children?

-Ev

Nautilus
04-11-2007, 03:54 AM
the girls are so right on this thread. from my experience:

1) ALWAYS be suspicious of urgency. if he won't wait, he's not worth it.

2) he may be a wonderful man but recognise you will only have his money and none of his time. (or precious little) {relates to #1 too}

3) there are no guarantees in life - you may leave - it may work - it may not.

4) each of us has a number of soul mates each for a certain period. a marriage is a big thing to tube for a maybe.

5) a doctor is married to the job. always. forever. amen. don't jump him because you covet his skills.

at least you can break up with your husband because you want to, but don't consider being lady cheaterly.

ps. i don't know who you are and it bugggs me. why does LM know!!:P

a reg here but he spies
04-11-2007, 09:31 AM
Just updating. I only have a moment because I am completely drained and cannot think straight. My husband and I seperated yesterday.

BrunetteGoddess
04-11-2007, 09:44 AM
Legally? Or informally?

DylanAngel
04-11-2007, 09:57 AM
Just updating. I only have a moment because I am completely drained and cannot think straight. My husband and I seperated yesterday.

Wow, that was sudden. At the beginning of this thread, you were not ready yet.

Please, please, please don't do this for the doctor. Do it for you.

I left my husband for another man and that man turned out to be the biggest asshat. I was just in a bad relationship, in a vulnerable state, and was seeing things that really are not there. When I think about it now, the new boyfriend was a jerk for preying on someone who was in a bad way and not ready for anything serious.

He might be your soulmate on paper, but it takes time to know if someone is truly the one for you. And this time needs to happen in person, not over the phone.

I wish you luck. Just make sure to take care of your child's emotional needs at this time.

Silky
04-11-2007, 10:07 AM
Whether the doctor is a good match for you or not....can be determined later.... much later. Regardless of profession, there are chances the guy will be wonderful or be a prick. These doctor stereotypes are starting to remind me of stripper sterotypes.
Either way, as in all new people you meet, there is the chance it can go somewhere and the chance it wont.

In my opinion, the main thing that you should be doing is taking steps to leave/do what you feel you need to do...to make YOURSELF happy. Do not automatically assume that leaving your husband and pursuing something with the other guy(even if it is just pursuing on a friendly level) will make you happy. Basically, start imagining yourself living your new life, pursuing your goals, on your own with your child. Infact, make that a reality before you even think to add this new guy into the equation(again even if it is just on friendly terms.)
I think you will feel wonderful afterwards.
Im sure you knew this already but it still always helps to read/hear it again....i know i need that kind of support sometimes!
And yes, the last comment i made was meant to be more of a motivational tool to help you , i hope all is going well for you.

StrayStripper
04-11-2007, 10:28 AM
End your marriage and finalize your divorce before you begin seeing other people. Don't be a cheat.

lolitachick
04-11-2007, 04:20 PM
Good for you. It sounds like you got out of a bad situation there. It takes a lot of guts to do what you did- we're rootin for ya!

leilanicandy
04-11-2007, 07:55 PM
First of all I will like to say Pooka avatar is way hot!

Now back to the subject at hand. Honey I will be friends with this guy befor e you jump up and make life changes. Take your time get to know him as a friend. You have your life, your child life, and your husband life. All at state right now! I will just be his friend. Take it very slow. If he is your soul mate. Than you will know for sure, yet you have to see about first. Because he is a heart surgeon that dose not mean he is not crazy or he is a good cacth.

aussiepunkshocker
04-12-2007, 05:33 AM
I hope youre ok - get some rest, welcome to the rest of your life! (-:



Just updating. I only have a moment because I am completely drained and cannot think straight. My husband and I seperated yesterday.

FrustratedBunny
04-12-2007, 05:12 PM
I sort of had a crush on a guy while I was with my ex. I never ended up with the crush guy but I think it helped me realize how much was missing from my relationship and move on.

Hatshepsut
04-12-2007, 09:26 PM
I sort of had a crush on a guy while I was with my ex. I never ended up with the crush guy but I think it helped me realize how much was missing from my relationship and move on.
Me too! I was with an emotionally abusive boyfriend. One day, I ran into a classmate. Nothing went beyond kissing I know, still cheating), but it totally made me realize that there were people out there who liked me for who I was, who I could be happy and myself around, and that I deserved so much better! It was a very necessary wakeup call, and I dumped the shitforbrains. I didn't end up with the new guy, but he was a good catalyst.

a reg here but he spies
04-13-2007, 04:57 PM
Pardon my absence. I am settled into my new apartment and typing on my new laptop that I purchased with the credit card he thought
i didn't know about. YaY me!

Yeah, I understand the confusion, as it was mentioned above by DylanAngel, on how I wasn't prepared to leave. After work Monday night, I thought to myself, when will I ever really be prepared for something of this magnitude? It's not fair to any of us to drag it along.

Let me rewind a bit though. I would like to give kudos to my doctor friend. We were speaking earlier on Monday afternoon. I was rambling about my personal baggage. He told me that he really enjoys our conversations and compatibilty. He doesn't want to jeopardize anything by swaying my decisions regarding my marriage. He told me how much he fancied me but he was not going to pressure me into a romantic relationship with him right now. Basically, to sum it up... he said he wasn't going anywhere and he would wait should I make the decision the formally leave my husband.

Anyway, I am certain that I would like to keep a strong friendship with this guy. He is unique in so many ways. No way though am I going to move forward with him at this point. I am still married. And even though I am pissed, hurt, sad, and confused; I do respect the past nine years we've had together and still love him.

With that said, cheers to new beginnings.

a reg here but he spies
04-13-2007, 05:29 PM
I sort of had a crush on a guy while I was with my ex. I never ended up with the crush guy but I think it helped me realize how much was missing from my relationship and move on.


Me too! I was with an emotionally abusive boyfriend. One day, I ran into a classmate. Nothing went beyond kissing I know, still cheating), but it totally made me realize that there were people out there who liked me for who I was, who I could be happy and myself around, and that I deserved so much better! It was a very necessary wakeup call, and I dumped the shitforbrains. I didn't end up with the new guy, but he was a good catalyst.
I think this is it exactly

DylanAngel
04-13-2007, 05:35 PM
Glad to hear you're doing better! This will make you a stronger person in the long run and totally ready for something else free of baggage.

Good luck and congrats on your new place.

Hatshepsut
04-13-2007, 06:02 PM
I'm so glad to hear that you're doing better! You sould like you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck on your new life.

Roulette
04-13-2007, 06:51 PM
Congrats on your new place!!

I was wondering tho how old is your kid?

a reg here but he spies
04-13-2007, 07:19 PM
^^^Almost 2!

Roulette
04-13-2007, 07:37 PM
oh ok good!! IMO the younger the child is when you separate the better. I was 3 mo. old when mine split and I wouldn't have it any other way. I do just want to throw this out there for you it is hardest for children age 11-14 to accept either a sparation or a new marriage. (I just learned this in class yesterday! It'll be on the test on tuesday!! haha) It is a lot easier for younger children.

TheLioness
04-13-2007, 07:43 PM
Good luck with everything. I suggest writing out a list of all your problems and differences, and things that you are feeling now in detail so that when you start having moments of weakness (and they will come) you can look back on the list to remind yourself of why you left.

Optimist
04-13-2007, 10:25 PM
Congrats, congrats, congrats!

Dottie Rebel
04-13-2007, 10:31 PM
Doesn't getting separated mean you're allowed to do your own thing? Dating others while separated doe not equal cheating, in my opinion. That's the whole point! You don't have to wait a year for the divorce to finalize before you can start living yoru life.

Girl, go get yer life on!

Sunshine73
04-14-2007, 12:08 AM
Well, if you are unhappy with the marriage (with, it seems, good reasons) then start to take the steps to leave it. Unhappy, miserable parents who stay together for the kids do those kids absolutely no favors--speaking from experience here--my parents have one of the most dysfunctional relationships I've ever witnessed, and gave me and my sister a whole slew of emotional issues of our own because of it. If you are unhappy with this man--then leave--and take steps to ensure you are able to financially look after your child. As a dancer, I'm sure you make a decent living. Time for a legal separation, maybe.

As for the new guy--like others have said--if there is indeed a soul connection, he will respect your current situation and take things slow. I'd keep the friendship very private for the time being, however. No need for your husband to get a whiff of it, and make trouble for you. But really--why not maintain the friendship with this guy, and see what develops once you get to know him? It could be wonderful, and things don't just come out of the blue like this everyday. He very well could be your soul mate, but you need to take care of your current situation first. Life is too short and too precious to be unhappy.


I agree with this entirely.

Lola Lee
04-14-2007, 04:36 AM
"Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams...Live the Life You Have Imagined" -- Henry David Thoreau. THE END.... for this chapter, anyway ;)

britneyireland
04-14-2007, 11:07 AM
I agree with Lola Lee!

You go "reg here but he spies!" I wish I found this thread sooner!

Susan Wayward
04-14-2007, 11:46 AM
"Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams...Live the Life You Have Imagined" -- Henry David Thoreau. THE END.... for this chapter, anyway ;)

ah! no need to worry if he spies anymore, huh?

evan_essence
04-14-2007, 06:05 PM
Well, I guess my mostly trivial questions were accidentally overlooked in the hustle/bustle of the moment, so I'll repeat myself. What's his past and present marital status? Does he have children? What's the age difference between the two of you?

-Ev

lolitachick
04-15-2007, 09:45 AM
Update, PLEASE!

ViolaStrings
04-15-2007, 09:54 AM
I'd try to pursue a relationship in secret until you know Mr. Heart Surgeon is serious about you, you know each other better, and you know you have a future together. If you do, don't feel bad about leaving your husband. You live once. This isn't dress rehearsal, this is opening night. Staying together for the kids is an awful idea. They shouldn't think dysfunctional or unsatisfying relationships are normal. People get divorced and share custody all the time. It won't permanently damage your kids if you do it in a mature fashion.

Go for it!

a reg here but he spies
04-15-2007, 06:24 PM
Well, I guess my mostly trivial questions were accidentally overlooked in the hustle/bustle of the moment, so I'll repeat myself. What's his past and present marital status? Does he have children? What's the age difference between the two of you?

-Ev

I apologize. The dr. is about ten years older. He was married for 3 years while he was in general practice. She wasn't willing to leave her posh California lifestyle while he pursued surgical training on the East Coast. He has no kids but loves them and has expressed interest of having a family in the future.

P.s. Im currently posting under this account because I changed my email address on the other and I am awaiting admin to update. My identity should be obvious to all now. And no, I don't give a crap if he (husband) reads this thread. I haven't done anything wrong except talk to a guy that has given me some hope of pursueing my dreams. Believe me, he has done worse.

BrunetteGoddess
04-15-2007, 06:33 PM
I still don't know who you are..... who are you???

evan_essence
04-15-2007, 08:54 PM
The dr. is about ten years older. He was married for 3 years while he was in general practice. ... He has no kids but loves them and has expressed interest of having a family in the future.Okay, that sounds relatively baggage free. Good deal. I was hoping that would be the case. :)

-Ev

lolitachick
04-16-2007, 06:59 AM
I'm just starting out on these forums... still stumped as to who you are!!!

devilkitty
04-16-2007, 03:44 PM
Also how do you know he is not some creep that hits on hot women pretending to be a heart surgeon? Have you looked into whether he is legit or not.

Dottie Rebel
04-16-2007, 08:56 PM
^^^Read the thread before posting.

a reg here but he spies
04-17-2007, 12:50 PM
Also how do you know he is not some creep that hits on hot women pretending to be a heart surgeon? Have you looked into whether he is legit or not.

Yep, Katrine asked the same question (pg 2 somewhere). I checked him out referencing his credentials, curriculum vitae, verified the practice. In addition, I've called his cell before and spoken to his nurse and anesthesialogist (sp.?) while his been operating on a patient. Kinda weird, they will hold his phone up to his ear so he can say hi to me.

My husband and I have decided to remain in counseling for the interim. Pardon me if I didn't mention earlier that we have been in marriage counseling for about a month prior to the seperation. This will be our first session since the fallout last week. Basically, I think it is going to be the only way for us to discuss issues of finances, child custody, etc without having the police called for loud screaming and disorderly conduct.

This is getting very surreal for me now. I've felt like a single mother for so long even being married. But now, I am really on my own. My husband works, works, works. He is married to his job. Some of you ladies have mentioned the emotional toll of being in a relationship with a doctor. Umm, well, a few of you (that have figured my identity) know about my husband's occupation. Let me just say his pager is always on standby, we can never go anywhere, he is never home on time, and, oh, I can't forget the best part, he gets to shoot really, really bad guys. So, I deal with all this while I am wondering if he is going to come home alive, watching the news to see what's going on in the city, calling the hospitals, and calling his boss to discuss the status of the operation. Anyway, point I was getting to that he simply isn't around to help with raising our daughter. That has been another major issue with our marriage.

So, even though I said I am not interested in diving into another relationship at this point in my life; if I were to really hook up with the doctor, I wouldn't be phased too much by his schedule and lifestyle.

So money is obviously freaking me out right now. Fortunately, I'm good at what I do (dancing) and can usually count on good nights if I'm in the right mind frame. Also, my workouts have gone down the drain the past week. I'm a fitness nut and the lack of exercise is making me feel even more like crap. I've gone from smoking a few cigarettes while I am at work, drinking some wine, and socializing, to puffing away like a freight train. I hate it and it bothers me that I am relying on smokes, but cigarettes induce a remarkable calming effect on the mind and body. I also hope I don't get fat. One day I find myself not eating anything at all. The next day, I'm going to Taco Bell. I haven't eaten Taco Bell (or fast food) in like 7 or 8 years. Hopefully, this will pass. It's only been a week. I guess I need to get on an anti-depressant for awhile?

loveandluxury
03-15-2008, 07:37 AM
Sorry to bring up old threads but I'm so curious as to where the OP is today. I'm not sure who she is, but I'd like to know how this all turned out a year later.. Feel free to PM me OP if you're still around and don't want to post publicly :) I hope you're doing well!

thechaosfairy
03-15-2008, 08:23 AM
I just want to congratulate you wholeheartedly for getting out. I know you and many others have glossed over this aspect, but your husband sounds abusive and controlling and, to a small child, potentially dangerous. You are doing the best for yourself and your child -- even if you end up doing it on your own, it's still worth it and still a good deed.

I also can't figure out who you are. Ooh, the mystery!


EDIT:: ...Wow. I didn't notice this was a year-old thread. I'm a DUMBASS. ::)

MissTaylor
03-15-2008, 11:51 AM
I want an update too!

Dottie Rebel
03-15-2008, 01:35 PM
Update, update!!

LiveFree
03-15-2008, 04:49 PM
Uuuuuuupdaaaaate

Pretty_Penny
03-15-2008, 05:10 PM
nvrmnd

ellebelle
03-15-2008, 10:59 PM
Must.Know.Now.

I hate mysteries :(

MsQwerty
03-16-2008, 02:02 AM
I was just thinking about this thread the other day, Im curious too (-:

LoveSexMoney
03-16-2008, 08:00 AM
Update please!

stellaforstars
03-16-2008, 09:28 AM
I'm chiming in here!!! Update!!!!!

Joplin
03-16-2008, 10:12 AM
argh..I wanna know too.

Every time I see the update I always think that person in the mystery member.

UPDATE!!

madmaxine
03-16-2008, 10:22 AM
My guess is that she is with the surgeon and she cut all ties with her dancer past, for whatever reason. She seems like a wonderful person and I wish her all the happiness in the world.

Starfire
03-16-2008, 10:30 AM
I am super curious too, I never saw the original thread the first time though. Hopefully who ever it is will give us an update soon.