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Kali Doom
04-11-2007, 09:02 PM
I guess that I just didn't read the original post as asking for advice. I read it as asking for information. What I got out of it was that the OP wanted to confirm that it was possible that her man was able to feel up another woman. I got the feeling that she didn't know that sort of stuff went on in clubs and was kind of blindsided by the fact that it does.....after her husband had already gone and done so.

In any case, I agree with the woman above me. It is a trust issue. How would he feel if you caressed a stranger's naughty bits?

Bridgette
04-11-2007, 09:21 PM
A lapdance doesn't *necessarily* involve the man touching the stripper. Usually just the stripper touching the man. In some places, men touching the strippers is normal and in others it is totally off-limits - but this is extremely variable. Depends on the club, the girl, the city, the season, the day of the week, time of day, time of the month, the man, the mood, how much he's spending, etc etc etc.

We couldn't possibly tell you what your man did during his lapdance(s).

Generally, a lapdance involves the stripper removing some or all of her clothing (depending on the area and club, and girl) and gyrating seductively on or near the man's lap. If you really want to know what is standard for a lapdance in a particular club, you'll just have to go there and see for yourself. Don't be a jealous bitch at the club though, we don't need to deal with that shit. Save it for hubby when you get home, if you must be a jealous bitch. But I'd really advise against getting too detailed about what *exactly* happened during your hubby's dance. If he was honest enough to tell you he went and got a dance, you can rest assured he didn't do anything illegal or that might be grounds for divorce ;) If I were you, I'd just be happy he's that honest with you.

leilanicandy
04-11-2007, 09:32 PM
That pretty much is why I feel like I do. This has been majorly eye opening for me I will tell you> I was the one who profffered watching porn together, who bought us erotic toys to use (he NEVER would offer this) I am the one who feels the more "sexual" of the two more often so I think just the shock of knowing my husband WANTED this and wanted it as many times was surprising. In a way, Im glad that he was turned on because Its nice to know I have a healthy man in my life that way, but Im sad that side of him isnt more often expressed with me. Mostly Im sad that he didnt think a SC was a big deal and its not cheating. to me no questions asked, touching another womans breasts, stomach, hips, ass when you are married is cheating. Just as he would be MORTIFIED if another man touched me this way, I feel the same way towards him (this is why I didnt want him to have a dance) Looking is one thing, participating is another.

It is an issue of trust and if he had come home, offered me a glass of wine (well grape juice in my condition!) and told me the details and tried to use it as a way to turn me on (which it might have coming from him) Id be FINE..it was the very slow sneaky way the info was learned that makes me feel terrible. I didnt ever think we had a trust issue until now..do I think he would have sex with another woman or oral or whtaever..no honestly not..but in my mind there is little distinction between a strange woman making my husband hard (or even more perhaps) by grinding and the feel of her (way better) body on his and actual sex...

So I will move on because I have to move on..because we do love each other and our love is much stronger than 1 night of stupid drunken behavior.. but i wont say that the images dont creep into my mind every so often and make my stomach turn..I think thats normal. I know these women dont want my man, i could tcare less about that!! I wonder though does he think about their bodies when he is holding mine..I think thats the main concern wives/gf's have in this situation. esp being pg where my tummy isnt as taut or my behind is slightly larger then it should be!!



I know exactly how you feel. Before I was a dancer. I was at stay at home mom. My hubby at the time did the same thing. It shock me because I was more the sexual one that was way open. So I was curious what the woman did to open him up a little bit. I wanted what was so differant than I. I later found out what was so differant. I believe that your tummy is not all the issues. If he is a good man, than most likely the girl he choose was proubarly not nasty at all! You also have to look at the fact. Some men feel uncomfterable expressing some things to thier wives. Because they are afraid she might reject them, or think they are selfish. If you communicate more with him about sexual things. Next time he might feel more comfterable to tell you the whole story. Or it could have been the other way around and the other wives do not know the real story. If at any time you feel that you guys lack communication it is good to go to a counslor.

Right now you are pregnant. This is like a major change within your relationship. This is a beautiful begining of a something very special. Yet this time can cause stress on both parties. If it bothers you maybe you should see a counslor. to help open a better line of communication between you and your hubby. The last thing you need is any negative thought in the back of your head. If you keep thinking about this, nothing good will come good out of it!

evan_essence
04-12-2007, 12:23 AM
We had a great talk last night (and thanks for this discussion great makeup sex lol) and he was brutally honest. He did graze some of the girls breasts in the most innocent way possible no groping nothing below the belt just because they were there and she allowed it.. he hasn't thought about them since and certainly doenst think about it when he is with me. Do I believe that..sure..I have to to survive!!Not really. You could just as easily choose to believe that he is, in fact, still thinking about those lovely delicious breasts and hips and thighs that slithered around in his lap for 30 minutes, and that he's decided to keep that fact private since you've indicated it bothers you so much. You could just as easily choose to believe that it doesn't matter that he's still thinking about it. You could just as easily believe, as I do, that heterosexual men fantasize about other women constantly, that it's their nature to fantasize that way, and that, given the atmosphere of a strip club, they will pay to go right up to the line of fantasizing and touching without necessarily going over into having actual intercourse. And you could just as easily decide to BE PERFECTLY OKAY with that. Because perhaps your man is capable of doing that, nudging right up to the limits without going over, and still stay committed to you and your children and your life together. Perhaps what makes him a "good man" is not that he has no such feelings, but rather, that he can have a stripper in his lap once every couple of years, moan out her name, yet still absolutely positively think you're the most wonderful woman in the world, the only woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. But perhaps he doesn't want to admit that sideline lust for others to you because you've decided not to be okay with it. You've decided to think that the only way he can really love you is to squelch that animal passion for women that's inside him. You see, I think that's perhaps who he really is but you're not willing to be comfortable with that.

But you know, that's a pretty bold conclusion for me to reach, given that I don't really know him or you. It's just something to think about. Why are you so uncomfortable with him having lust for other women? Do you believe it's not possible to lust a little after others without it destroying your relationship? Is your boundary the only one that could work? Perhaps you're extra concerned because you're pregnant and worried at this time that he's listless and going to leave you. That's perfectly understandable and I think we all can empathize. But I don't think that's necessarily true. I think he may have simply been engaging in some creative mental masturbation. I think, deep down, all guys want to be thought of as the ladykiller stud of the universe. So this, like any other boys' night out activity, was his opportunity to feel that way, sans your knowledge of it and thus, no threat to you. I think it all depends on his intent and deep feelings for you, not the surface lust for some hired vamp. And the only way to know his true intent and feelings is to experience his actions over time.


But the absurdity of all this is even having to have this conversation with the man you love..talking about breasts that were touched or not touched etc... and he gets it and was sincerely apologetic and sees it from my point of view. He feels he was weak not bc of alcohol (he said he had a buzz but not drunk) but bc he just getting caught up in what it was and in his mind had nothing to do with us--boy does he see that is wrong now!Nah, I think he probably only sees it's a bitch to let you know what's really going on in his head so he'll stop letting you know and tell you what you want to hear. Not really such a bad deal if his true motive is love for you. After all, if his true intention is to stay with you and continue to love you as a soulmate, wtf difference does it make if he occasionally lusts after someone else as long as it doesn't interfere with your relationship in any substantial way?


Im over it because of what I mentioned before- he is a good man, comes home every night, calls me during the day, is very affectionate is and will be a great dad and one night of acting like a teenager is just that - one night. If it happened again, we would be over.He gets only one free pass? Only one act of forgiveness and understanding? Only one incident of his lust for women coming to the surface? I think he's gonna need more than that. Otherwise, he has to hide his nature for the rest of his life. I think you're headed for trouble and I think it's because you don't have realistic expectations about men. Again, insecurity is understandable whenever you're vulnerable. Ladies, don't agree to your hubby going to a strip club while you're pregnant!

-Ev

AlexxaHex
04-12-2007, 12:40 AM
Ugh. Jealous wives are the enemy of strip clubs.

That's all I'm gonna say.

Chrissy68
04-12-2007, 01:13 AM
i read this whole thread .. marcaler im glad your talk went well... and im curious about us ladies and our men going to SCs.. imma start a whole new thread so i dont jack hers..
*runs to ladies only*

BaileyBanksNBiddle
04-12-2007, 01:45 AM
I like going to the strip club and getting dances with the girls but having them only dance for my love...its not jealousy but almost....Watching him get hard from another women makes me want to take him home and show him whos really good.... :-) I think I like the strip club more than he does hehe

StrayStripper
04-12-2007, 02:52 AM
I would have a problem if my man touched another woman's tits and had his dick rubbed by her ass. Men are so fucking stupid not to know that their girlfriends and wives would consider it cheating, if these women knew what went on.

Because men are so fucking stupid, strippers take their money. lol. We don't consider it cheating on our significant others because we generally aren't turned on and sometimes we are disgusted and wondering if we can hold back the vomit for another $20.

If your husband didn't know what he was in for, as in, he wasn't sure about the contact in the club, he probably got carried away, thinking it was no big deal at the time. Forgive him for that.

Moneywise
04-12-2007, 04:40 AM
That is horrible that story about the mobile phone - maybe this is why so many men take them out and place them on the chair next to them at my club!

That's exactly what I do when I sit down. The phone is coming off of the wait immediately. You just never know who that last dialed number might be.

Hi mom. ;D

DylanAngel
04-12-2007, 05:32 AM
Ugh. Jealous wives are the enemy of strip clubs.

That's all I'm gonna say.

I think that's oversimplifying the situation. I think she's struggling to understand what appears to be a breach of trust on the part of her husband.

It's one thing to be jealous, it's another thing to be home pregnant, not being able to have a good time, feeling fat and uncomfortable while your husband is out ogling and possibly groping other women.

She doesn't have the benefit of knowing the biz the way we do, so she came here for some insight. A little misguided, but c'mon she's pregnant, as are you, and you KNOW what those pesky hormones are like!

Bridgette
04-12-2007, 06:00 AM
Oy. I just read some more of the posts in this thread.

First of all, if a person is going to cheat, they'll do it whenever they find the opportunity and/or feel they can get away with it. Nothing outside his/her own head will *make* that person do anything. To say that a man overstepped the boundaries of his relationship/marriage *because* he was in a (gasp!) stripclub is making stupid excuses for HIS own bad behaviour and choices. No one and nothing *makes* a person do anything - we all make our choices based on our own values and circumstances. Period.

Furthermore, peer pressure, booze, temptation, a risque environment are all just excuses people use to do what they *already* wanted or intended to do. If someone "turns into" an asshole, cheater, groper, molester, whatever just because he went into a stripclub and had a few drinks, then he already had it in him - he just needed an excuse to justify it in his own mind. There are PLENTY of guys who go to stripclubs and get drunk every day who don't "turn into" assholes - that's because they are just not assholes!! A former (missed) member here once said it best: the true mettle of a man is revealed when he enters a stripclub and feels he's in a world of no consequence.

If the husband in this case did anything he knew his wife wouldn't be ok with, it was HIS fault and no one else's. That bullshit about men being unable to resist temptation is......bullshit.

Second, I think THIS is the real source of the wife's concern in this case:

the feel of her (way better) body Her body may or may not be "way better", but you think it is and you can't stand the thought of your man possibly being turned on by someone else more than you. The simple reality is, men and women are always going to be turned on in some manner by someone other than our SO. We aren't naturally hardwired to be monogamous - that is something society has forced on us. There's always going to be someone else with a better body or more sex appeal in some way, so it's perfectly natural and normal to find someone else attractive, even more attractive than our SO. Accepting that and finding a way to work with it is probably the only way to avoid eating yourself alive with jealousy, insecurity and mistrust.

Finally, in general men simply don't view sex, cheating, etc the way women do. Most men feel that anything short of a kiss, BJ HJ or FS is not cheating. But, they also KNOW that women feel differently. If a man does something he KNOWS his wife wouldn't be ok with, then the problem isn't how you define cheating. The problem is that BOTH of you haven't openly agreed on what exactly is and is not acceptable in the relationship. You can discuss it 'til you're blue in the face, but if you both don't agree, then you can be sure you'll face this same problem again and again. I would suggest to wife that THAT is what you focus on with your man.

Mastridonicus
04-12-2007, 07:30 AM
I really am trying to stay out of this one,

But you've declared some pretty fundamental issues in your relationship with this man, that really, you should stop skirting under the rug.

I think opening your mind and confronting it full on, educating yourself, and coming up with what YOU want to tolerate for yourself and making those rules ironclad to YOU is what's most important here.

The point here is you need to give yourself value and decide what is acceptable and appropriate behavior from your lovers and stick with that. If he's not fitting the bill don't change yourself to fit his actions. Demand equality.

You have an identity and you're worth what you want. Now, what is it you want?

mild2wild
04-12-2007, 07:55 AM
Your about to learn that what they say happened at the club and what actually happened at the club are 2 different versions...

Guys have a tendancy to make out that they recieved LOTS MORE then what they actually did.... I guess it is to keep their egos intact...

Bridgette
04-12-2007, 08:31 AM
Guys have a tendancy to make out that they recieved LOTS MORE then what they actually did.... I guess it is to keep their egos intact...LOL! That's true too ;D Boys locker room bragging/exaggerating doesn't stop when they "grow up" ;)

marcaler2001
04-12-2007, 08:54 AM
Honestly, Dylansangel exactly summed up my feelings and my OP.. Im not jealous wife- I have a very open mind sexually and always have. Grew up in a very liberal house (being jewish helps we dont view sex as a bad thing matter of fact in judaism its grounds for divorce is a man doesnt sexually please their wives!) but what my real question was, just what exactly does a minimal contact lap dance involve (by minimal i mean by the men- i know the dancer was allowed to do what she wanted as it is a full contact club). I believe my husband now in what happened..I assume that he touched her in some way that she allowed but not in a groping disgusting way..hes a good guy and very respectful of women and I dont have an issue with him cheating on me in the "obvious sense"...the issue was and still is that we did discuss it beforehand he totally understood where i was coming from, but then went there and broke "our" rules.. he is clearly sorry and clearly more sorry he hurt me and i believe that..our love is stronger then this one discretion. when i said if he doest it again that would be it- i meant it.
Im a mom when you have kids (and those moms know this) and you set the punishment you have to be prepared to follow thru. This doesnt mean the next time he is late for dinner we are thru, or the next time he forgets my birthday we are thru..it means if he goes to a strip club again and i heard that THIS situation happened again it would be too much for me to take. Look me in the eyes with full understanding and empathy, apologize in a heartfelt manner and then go do it again with no reprocution?? no way. and in my heart I believe he will not (unless Im with him and let him!!)
As for the jealous wife in a strip club- I agree that has to suck for the dancers and I assure you I would go with a totally open mind (and a few vodkas in me hence after the baby) and enjoy watching and hopefully he will enjoy me getting a lap dance too! I would not agree to go if I was going to sit there and be a bitch..what would that prove..

every situation is different sometimes these men go and are assholes and try to molest these girls and act like losers and then come home to wives and pretend it didnt happen- that wasnt our situation..ours was as someone said- a good guy getting a little caught up in his 12 buddies being there , having a good time and making some bad judgement calls. I can forgive him for that - I have. and yes his brother did buy some dances for him - I know what he spent bc I pay all the bills and it was on the amex :) Although yes someone else could have bought him more then I knew about whatever Im not going to get hung up on that. He came home the same guy he was before- nice, caring, considerate, loving and loyal. His experience didnt change him, why should it change me.

Sultry Siren
04-12-2007, 09:15 AM
^^^Agreed!!!

Also there is this STUPID man need when with their buddies to be the Alpha Manliest Man of the group. So if one member of the group buys 5 lap dances...another in the group will buy 8 to "prove he is THE MAN!, then another in the group who is keeping tabs will say I'll raise your 8 and go for 10...Compition, primal urges, having to be the "Dominant of the Species" etc etc etc....

The younger the man the more stupid they are...and the more they feel they have to prove to their buddies!!!

I've been in SC's with Bachelor Parties and it is like the guys go back to when they were 15/16...They act like brainless idiots, are loud and obnoxious, and have made me laugh my arse off because to think men are in positions of power when they act like that?!?!! OMG!!! :D

This said...

Perhaps the whole Bachelor Party/SC night was a litmus test for your relationship.

The problems have always been there just out of sight. That night exposed a weakness in your relationship that either you didn't know was there...or that was being ignored.

Couple all this with being pregnant and mole hills become mountains to obsess over.

Women can be insanely stupid as well...We compare ourselves to other women, tear ourselves apart with critical self body image, and we sell ourselves so incredibly short...that the man we are with sees a messed up insecure woman verses the sexy beautiful woman that first attracted him in the beginning.

Damn I know I am bloody insecure in more ways than I want to admit and have actually considered plastic surgery, in order to make me look younger and fix things about me that I think detract rather than enhance me!

I also have found myself wondering what my "hubby's" former wives were like in bed...I already know they best me in some areas of sexual adventure. What of former girlfriends...how do I compare to them???

I could drive myself into Prozac Land here and be paranoid but it is senseless!

When I met my "hubby" I was still a virgin and thus had no sexual experience...this has made for many awkward and frustrating moments for both of us...I still cannot perform in certain positions, feel embarrassed in the act, wonder if my performance is exciting him or if I am a loser in bed.

This made me crazy insecure, jealous, and obsessive in the first few years we've been together. Damn I must have been a real bitch to live with!!!

Fast forward to now...

Now I am the one wanting to go to strip clubs and want to at least take a shot at being a dancer. I'm the one that goes for VIP's and is a Tip Rail Addict...I love to engage in the Loonie/Toonie games (Canada) for the dancer's promo and get pretty damned excited about it!!!

I just finally decided F*ck the insecurities, and whatever else is making me un-sexy and mental! I am going to be his "Partner-In-Crime" and be a part of his fun and add the naughty element to it!!

When we go to the clubs he waits on me and treats me to whatever I would like while we are there. Drinks, food, gives me tip money, buys me VIP's should I want them.

When we are watching the dancers during stage sets we talk about the dancer on the stage. He wants to know if I think she is hot or not. If I think she is hot..WHY?!?! What about her excites me more than the last girl that hit the stage??

Take note I am a straight woman here!!!:D

I will tell him if I think the dancer's breasts are amazing or her legs have wonderful curves...or if I like her routine. The result is he is watching me far more than the dancers and loves that I am getting excited and having a hell of a good time!!!

By the end of a night at an SC...no matter what flaws/faults I had that day or that week ...he can't see them. He just sees a hot woman who in spite of being straight can enjoy and share his lusts with no threat to either of us.

As I stated earlier though we had FULL DISCLOSURE at the beginning of our relationship. He told me he wanted the freedom to look at admire and lust after women without having to have them. At the time I wasn't in favor of it but know men are gonna look like it or not...at least this way I will be aware of when and who is involved.

He loves it when I am the one spotting the "hotties" before he sees them and loves that I am his partner in crime...I think men want that anyway...A wife/partner they can be totally free and naughty with...

You and your hubby need to have that FULL DISCLOSURE and establish boundaries...but also need to feel free to test your own personal boundaries and discuss them with your hubby.

As an example when I want to try something new and out of character for me I talk it over with my "hubby" first and see what he thinks...if it won't harm us he gives me the "green light" and we go for it as a couple...he watching over me and me stretching myself and going past that boundary. Sometimes it doesn't work out as well as we thought...but most times I discover a part of me I didn't know was there and I grow as a person/sexual being and our relationship gets a BAM better than Emeril's cooking!!!!:D

I don't know if any of this makes sense or helps but take what you can use and throw the rest in the trash.

Sitri
04-12-2007, 12:10 PM
LOL! That's true too ;D Boys locker room bragging/exaggerating doesn't stop when they "grow up" ;)

And neither do the doubts of a woman.;D

AlexxaHex
04-12-2007, 03:21 PM
I think that's oversimplifying the situation. I think she's struggling to understand what appears to be a breach of trust on the part of her husband.

It's one thing to be jealous, it's another thing to be home pregnant, not being able to have a good time, feeling fat and uncomfortable while your husband is out ogling and possibly groping other women.

She doesn't have the benefit of knowing the biz the way we do, so she came here for some insight. A little misguided, but c'mon she's pregnant, as are you, and you KNOW what those pesky hormones are like!

True, it was an oversimplified statement. I did not feel like contributing anything else to the discussion that hadn't already been said.

I will say that I think that her issue goes far beyond pregnancy hormones. Hormones don't cause jealousy, they only seem to amplify what other insecurities are already present.

DylanAngel
04-12-2007, 03:23 PM
I agree that they don't cause jealousy. And that's what I was saying that, she's probably feeling a little "off" about her appearance right now and the hormones running amok are exacerbating this.

StrayStripper
04-12-2007, 05:51 PM
A former (missed) member here once said it best: the true mettle of a man is revealed when he enters a stripclub and feels he's in a world of no consequence.


Oh hell yes. I'm putting that in my siggy, if you don't mind.

Moneywise
04-12-2007, 08:15 PM
And neither do the doubts of a woman.;D


Nail on the head. ;)

leilanicandy
04-13-2007, 05:16 AM
True, it was an oversimplified statement. I did not feel like contributing anything else to the discussion that hadn't already been said.

I will say that I think that her issue goes far beyond pregnancy hormones. Hormones don't cause jealousy, they only seem to amplify what other insecurities are already present.

I agree this is why they should tallk about this with each other or go to counseling and talk about it! She talks about how he is not as sexual as her. How suprise she is he indulge in "ten dances". Her seeing her hubby indulge in fantasy with another woman and her supple breast. WHen he is not as sexual as her. Made her ponder. The fact she did not trust that he told her the truth. MAkes me think that thier is a communication promblem between them! Why would you doubt him, when it came to a simple lap dances. Than I know she is not a dancer and so she might not know about the club seen. She proubarly only here the bad rumors. I remember when I was married the rumors I will hear, and believe not once ever steping into a strip club. She proubarly dose not under stand what exactly gose on in the club. especially with the lap dances.

Yet the insercurities I believe fall into trusting her husband to behave, especially while she is pregnant. Thier is nothing wrong with a little fantasy any doctor will tell you that, yet she uncomfterable with this because I believe she is pregnant. Her body is not like it use to be, she might feel vurnable, yet her not trusting her husband to behave while her body is not like it use to be. why is there some restriction with trust with her. She should be able to trust her hubby.

Pretty_Penny
04-13-2007, 10:34 AM
If the husband in this case did anything he knew his wife wouldn't be ok with, it was HIS fault and no one else's. That bullshit about men being unable to resist temptation is......bullshit.


exactly.

DylanAngel
04-13-2007, 10:49 AM
^^^Agreed as well.

I could send Brad into any strip club and he would not get any, let alone, 10 dances because he knows that it would be my deal breaker. Stage tips, yes...dances, no.

It's about trust. Men can control themselves. They're human beings with free will; not animals who only go by instinct. If his dick was saying "Yes please" his brain should have said "NO".

Moneywise
04-13-2007, 05:33 PM
^^^Agreed as well.

I could send Brad into any strip club and he would not get any, let alone, 10 dances because he knows that it would be my deal breaker. Stage tips, yes...dances, no.

It's about trust. Men can control themselves. They're human beings with free will; not animals who only go by instinct. If his dick was saying "Yes please" his brain should have said "NO".

but but but..;D I thought our dicks had brains. So you mean there's no brain in my mushroomed tip? It sure acts like it sometimes. I'm suing my anatomy teacher.

DylanAngel
04-13-2007, 05:38 PM
but but but..;D I thought our dicks had brains. So you mean there's no brain in my mushroomed tip? It sure acts like it sometimes. I'm suing my anatomy teacher.


Ha ha ha...cute.;D

Nope, no brain down there, sorry to tell you. I saw it on Myth Busters.;)

AlexxaHex
04-13-2007, 05:59 PM
OK I want to add just one more thing -
Did he get the 10 dances from ONE dancer or several? Because if it was 10 dances from 1 woman, then that sounds like a lot more than "just going out with the guys". I know that if a guy gets 10 dances from me, he is really into me and usually has hinted at some kind of OTC encounter. He really had to like her a lot to get 10 from her. 1 or even 5 dances is normal for just wanting to have a little fun in the club and then go back to watching the stage or drinking, but that high number suggests to me that he either got a VIP or was really into that particular dancer.

marcaler2001
04-16-2007, 03:39 PM
10 Different lovely women

Silverback
04-16-2007, 07:43 PM
I think this is bullshit. A man's character is the same regardless of where he is. If he is an honest and trustworthy man in church, then he will be an honest and trustworthy man at the strip club as well. If he's a lying cheat at the strip club, then he's also a lying cheat in church - he just hides it better.

Men have been blaming their own misbehavior on attractive women since time immemorial, and it's crap. They are grown men and they have free will. He knows whether what he's doing is okay or not, and he makes a CHOICE how to behave in any given situation.

I do agree that you should let it go.


"Character is what you are in the dark."

-- John Whorfin --

LilyLove
04-17-2007, 04:22 PM
10 dances from 10 different women is definitely different than 10 from one woman. I'd say most dancers get more intimate or take more off the more dances the guy gets. He probably got 10 fairly "introductory level" dances.
That said, the minutiae don't really matter here. Like others have said, its about trust and the rules in your particular relationship.

pennygirl
04-22-2007, 01:58 PM
i have to agree every man ive ever met.. my brothers/dad ectt are all the same when it comes to pretty women.. the dream man of only being excited for you and able to just push all the other thoughts about other women out of their mind is just that .. a dream man.. a dream not reality
I guess what I think the original poster is most bothered about is .. this side of him didnt show itself until now.. how much "nicer" of him if he would of showed this side in some way when she was dating him...
She may seem like a naive little wifey needing to finally come to grips with what men are like but I think a big chunk of the blame if that is the word comes from him.. would of been cool if "this kindof issue" came up when they were dating.. so then she could of decided if this is what she wanted in a guy.. if she was ok with issues possibly coming up in the future of this nature
If he played the "dream" guy for all these years and then all of the sudden is now showing this side of himself ..that's a bit much for her to have to swallow.. esp being pregnant....
Why im a firm believer in dating forever... and guys if you are with a girl that probably would have these issues.. don't hide it just to stay with her and then spring it on her years and kids down the road .. sounds dramatic but you literally are ripping away at a kindof relationship she was secure in ...
Be open during dating .. let it all hang out
And the part about you offering to watch porn and do the sex toys things..and he just shrugging his shoulders not too interested.. just made you have a certain view of him.. then when a professional offers him sexual things (the lap dance) and now all the sudden he is interested.. that would bother me too ...
You got kids and years into it so you cant view your husband now as you were when just dating like.. if he messes up this is over! thats what you do early on.. too bad you didnt have all the facts back then when saying its over was an easy thing to do
So now you got some decisions to do .. i think talking to him is the best thing... though sometimes that doesnt work if he's prone to only tell you what you want to hear...
I guess time time time.. and in the meantime focus on that baby and the beauty of a pregnant body.. your husband should be experiencing that with you ..and the lap dance shouldnt of taken place during this time..
but focus on that baby ..and after you are back on your feet focus on you .. dont fix yourself up like a porn star for your husband.. but fix yourself up for you .. so you are secure in yourself and next time if it happens you arent crying (not saying you are now) about how fat your butt is just focusing on your faults .. but you can focus on the real issue.. What is this man i married all about ... and learning to live a beautiful life with someone you love but may not have the same views on things as you .... sorry a rant im longwinded..

pennygirl
04-22-2007, 02:12 PM
and while im on a rant what the heck
in this society it "seems" the guys have all the extras in life.. the women just want a man that loves them.. one guy no matter how fat he gets ..if he loves and adores her that is plenty.. but guys have plenty of eye candy EVERYWHERE .. and honestly most guys unless they are like sex fanatics .. prefer eye candy to the real deal.. the real deal involves thinking and drama and all that

but i know for me.... i think we get it in our own way ..the non cheating non emotional eyecandy... guys are so oblivious..
the young studly starbucks guy you buy your latte from that always gives you extra froth or whatever and is like come back "anytime" .... when wanting a little attention making sure to go braless that day so even if you are just bouncing across a supermarket parking lot .. the countless oogles feel good.... the neighbor dude that is old as dirt but is always offering to mow your lawn or is like i bbq all the time come over and we can have a beer...
they sound silly but they get my female motor running.. and its all distant .. i dont want to have sex with any of them.. YUCK

would be a different world and maybe a better one if once you were in a relationship you didnt crave this other attention from strangers but when i get a little ansy knowing my husband most likely has got a little poke in his pants from some girl at the bank or something .. i gotta remember i'm not the innnocent little wife at home ... sometimes i just gotta go get my starbucks with extra froth

VegasPrincess
04-25-2007, 10:22 PM
I feel sort of insulted that you're asking what we do. What do you think we do? I mean, really. I feel like you are implying you think we do nasty things, which we do not.

Furthemore, your husband came to the club to indulge in a fanstasy. He knew what was going to happen: we would sit in his lap and dance around naked.

I would be much more concerned about him going to a bar and meeting a girl who might take him home and actually do bad things to him; we are entertainers, for ENTERTAINMENT purposes only. We're safe !

kittensgirl
05-17-2007, 10:21 PM
Sheesh woman! :O
Give the man a break! I've been married 20 years, 3 kids and I'm a stripper. Having kids is scary, you are responsible for another person for the rest of your life, your man is just as anxious about being a daddy, losing his identity and being less desirable with the opposite sex as you are. He has the added burden of being "the man" and having to cope with all this quetly- no pregnancy hormones to use as an excuse for his fears.
For the first time in 6 months he had one night of being a desirable man, the center of attraction, not on the sidelines while everyone goos over you and your impending baby , and the poor bugger is going to feel even more left out, undesirable and unwanted when bub does arrive.
It may seem motherhood and marriage is all about you. But it's not. You couldn't even let him enjoy the experience of being "the man" for one night.
Like I said I'm a stripper too. My husband doesn't ask me what goes on he doesn't want to know, because he knows at the end of the night I choose to come home to him and he is the only one that gets the 'happy ending". Marriage is about give and take and trusting your man's word no matter how you really feel.
The poor fella just indulged in a business transaction, yeah he may have been slightly wrong if he knew you weren't keen about it, but hell he is human, you can't tell me you've never slipped up on anything in your life.
Someone did thier job and got naked for him. woopy doo. ::)
If that's the worst challenge your marriage faces your a charmed woman. The only reason you have to grill him and blow out something trivial he may have slipped up on, is if you are wanting an excuse to end things.
Try to see things from his side from time to time.

KentuckyMysteryMan
05-17-2007, 11:49 PM
OP, you seriously sound very insecure, kinda like you are jealous of the dancers. I'm a guy and have been to strip clubs and have gotten a dance before. It's all in fun, that's the way I see it. The dancer just grinded on my lap, well, kinda hard though, I thought she was trying to smash my balls she was grinding so hard, and she rubs her nips in my face, but beyond that, nothing happened. I don't see why you are so insecure and jealous, it's not like your hubby is considering anything serious with them.

Lola Rose
05-18-2007, 03:52 PM
This thread is old and tired...... now it's become just ppl ranting about practically unrelated BS or calling the op pathetic and incecure.

xdamage
05-18-2007, 04:52 PM
This thread is old and tired...... now it's become just ppl ranting about practically unrelated BS or calling the op pathetic and incecure.

Yea it's old, although I see no reason to attack the OP. Explain the facts of the matter from our experiences, and as far as how the OP feels about it, she can make up her own mind.

From my own experience, if a guy goes to a SC it's not much more then an outlet for some sexual desire, but (BIG BUT) that doesn't mean a your man doesn't love you to intensly and it doesn't mean he is going to cheat on you. The reality is he is a sexual being, his attraction to other women doesn't mean he loves you any less, nor does it mean he is going to violate his vows to you. If he ends up blowing huge amounts of money at a SC or goes often, you probably do need to start being concerned. If it's occassionally, or rarely, no worries.

Mastridonicus
05-20-2007, 05:08 PM
I'm a guy and have been to strip clubs and have gotten a dance before.

I smell lies.

lunchbox
05-21-2007, 06:40 AM
I smell lies.

I just smell :(

kitana
05-28-2007, 07:10 AM
Mostly Im sad that he didnt think a SC was a big deal and its not cheating. to me no questions asked, touching another womans breasts, stomach, hips, ass when you are married is cheating. Just as he would be MORTIFIED if another man touched me this way, I feel the same way towards him (this is why I didnt want him to have a dance) Looking is one thing, participating is another.

Oh pulease!!! He didn't FUCK someone else, he might have touched someone, HUGE difference between a touch and intercourse.

Stomach?! Are you SERIOUS?! Get over it already, sorry but no sympathy here, that kind of thinking will and can cause him to actually cheat on you, and/or have an affair.




It is an issue of trust and if he had come home, offered me a glass of wine (well grape juice in my condition!) and told me the details and tried to use it as a way to turn me on (which it might have coming from him) Id be FINE..it was the very slow sneaky way the info was learned that makes me feel terrible. I didnt ever think we had a trust issue until now..do I think he would have sex with another woman or oral or whtaever..no honestly not..but in my mind there is little distinction between a strange woman making my husband hard (or even more perhaps) by grinding and the feel of her (way better) body on his and actual sex...

Is this your first child? Just curious, cause my hubby walked on eggshells during our pregnancy since I was so hormonal and he was afraid to hurt me or upset me. Maybe this was the case, and if you were not preggers, he would have told you outright. Also since you are making such a big deal out of it, maybe he feels guilty due to your attidude.




So I will move on because I have to move on..because we do love each other and our love is much stronger than 1 night of stupid drunken behavior.. but i wont say that the images dont creep into my mind every so often and make my stomach turn..I think thats normal. I know these women dont want my man, i could tcare less about that!! I wonder though does he think about their bodies when he is holding mine..I think thats the main concern wives/gf's have in this situation. esp being pg where my tummy isnt as taut or my behind is slightly larger then it should be!!


Big deal if he thinks about someone else! How will you ever know for sure anyway? If he says no, you will constantly think he is lying, and if he says yes, he will hurt your feelings.

Grow up, put your big girl panties on and move into reality. If you can't get over one little night of him being a man, you desperatly need therapy and maybe a new outlook on life in addition to RX meds.

If you can't understand men and how the majority of them think/work, then you probably don't need one.

Sorry I am harsh, but considering I had my car keyed and tires slashed from a jealous wife, I am bitter.





And with that, the mods are thinking that everything to be said in this thread has been said, and it's devolving a bit. Thanks, everyone.

- Da Mods