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braxley
05-09-2007, 01:31 AM
what did the blonde say when she opened a box a cheerios?

look! a box of donut seeds.

Its a silly joke but it makes guys laugh.

i love it.

exotisch23
05-15-2007, 09:10 PM
Why do men pay more for auto insurance?

Because women don't get blowjobs while driving. ;D

kinda lame I know but definately appropriate.

charliegurll
05-28-2007, 01:38 PM
these are awesome im always telling jokes at work so these are some new ammo for me thought id add a couple of my faves into the mix too!



what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?


once your done with the breasts and the thighs all you have left is a greasy box to stick you bone in


wwhat do you call ten blondes in a tree

country

how did the blonde know her boyfriend had too much proten in his diet

she had to chew before she swallowed



Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the
first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she
said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter
told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held
a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun in line. Peter asked her,
"Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle befoe this dirty bitch sits in the holy water font!

Katrine
05-28-2007, 03:21 PM
I LOVE the stripper and the bones joke!! Although its tasteless, it would be money in the club!

Lexi
05-30-2007, 07:29 PM
Oh, god, you just made me remember this horrible joke a regular customer used to tell at the very first fully nude club I first danced in. It's bad but it cracked me up:

:leans in: "Can I smell your pussy?"
:dancer backs up, horrified: "No!!"
:leans back: "Must be your feet, then."



AHAHAHHAHAHAH I heard this before - its gross but kills me every time!!!

Rick1
05-31-2007, 08:52 AM
Penguin is driving to get some ice cream. He get to the ice cream shop and notices his car is leaking someing. He takes it to the mechanic across the street and tells him where he'll be. He has a tough time with the ice cream since he only has a beak and gets it all over his face. The mechanic comes in and says "you blew a seal" The penguin says, "no, it's just ice cream".

James Bond
05-31-2007, 09:40 AM
Here's an oldie but goodie that's guaranteed to get a laugh.

Q. What's the most popular pick-up line in a gay bar?

A. May I push your stool in for you? :laughing:

ChubbyChaser
05-31-2007, 12:38 PM
A woman is having an affair, and during sex with her lover her husband comes home early, so she hides him in the closet. Hubby goes to hang up his coat and sees the naked man standing there. He's pissed and demands, "What the hell are you doing in my closet?"
The lover says, "I'm an exterminator. I'm here to take care of your moth problem."
"Why the hell are you naked?" asks the husband.
The guy looks down at himself and yells, "Thoses little bastards!"

kitana
06-02-2007, 08:37 AM
uhhh... neither of those make any sense carolina6, imo.

this one is in the beginning of an afroman song-

what did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
good morning, ladies!

You and sarcasm aren't real good friends are you?

charliegurll
06-13-2007, 01:44 PM
okay so this one is at times inappropriate but really funny its a little long too i like the end best! Anyway none of these jokes are meant to offend anyone just in good fun!

Mike's Guide to Stip Clubs

If you're like me, a good lap dance once a week keeps the old juices flowin', so to speak. I spent the last several years dedicating myself to gaining a fuller understanding of this lucrative industry. I have been a patron of the erotic arts for a while, and I would just like to give a little advice to those young gals coming up in the field. Whether you’re a single mom with four kids and no child support or a teenage runaway looking for a quick buck to score some speed at the bus station, the exciting world of erotic dancing can be a lucrative career choice.

Becoming an erotic dancer is a dream for many girls but for those that have the stamina, vision and dedication for the long hours and pole-chaffing routines, there may be a dirty wad of twenties in your future. The first step to becoming an erotic dancer is choosing a good stage name. Your nom-de-plume, should be exciting, exotic and as any professional dancer will tell you, classy. Names that fall into these categories include fruit, cars and precious stones.

The Fruit Category: Not all fruits make good names for dancer. For instance, who wants some chick named Bananas or Apricot grinding on the old Johnson, not me. Choose a cute name like Cherry or Peaches, and watch the money pour out of your G-string.

The Car Category: Vrrrrooom! Vrrrrooom! Combine a man’s two favorite hobbies -- fast cars and faster women -- and you have a sure-fire winner! The best car names are the really expensive ones like Porsche or Mercedes. Remember to stay away from American brands. While, like me, you may be the proud owner of a Dodge Aries K or Plymouth Sundance these would be poor choices for stage names.

The Precious stones Category: As a general rule the more expensive the stone, the better the stage name. No one will every get sick of names like Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby or Opal.

If you really want to get creative try combining your real name with a defining characteristic. If your name starts with a B you have plenty of choices from Busty Brenda to Belinda BigUns. If your name starts with an M try Mandy Mountains or Misty Mounds. As usual my readers love to play the games that we include in every issue. Here are a few games for those of you that are regulars at the old tittie bar.

Who’s your daddy? This question has been a favorite of strip club customers for generations. Many strippers can easily identify their fathers; however, their own children may find the task a bit more challenging.

Guess what’s in my pocket: This game is fairly easy, but I never get sick of playing it with my favorite lap dancer

Strip Club Rodeo: As an erotic dancer things can occasionally get a little slow around the old tittie bar. Your customers will always appreciate a little humor with the old bump and grind. Wait till the middle of your next lap dance and then mention these seven little words and see how long your can hold on! “Is that your wife at the door?” Ride 'em Buckaroo!

She’s really into me! This game requires 2-6 balding overweight middle-age men, and an ability to believe in the impossible.








****

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a stripper are walking down the street when they spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it?
Nobody. The first four don't exist and the stripper thought it was a gum wrapper.
*****


What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
Broke!
****


Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, 'My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'. The second one chirps 'My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says 'your Grace'.' The third Catholic lady says smugly, 'My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'.' The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, 'Well...?' She replies, 'My son is a 6' 2' hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh, my God...'
****

Momomix
06-13-2007, 08:06 PM
Tastless, but the guys love em:

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.

Why can't women drive?
There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None, it should already be open by the time she brings it.

What do you tell your wife when she asks what's on the tv?
Dust.

Why do women have smaller feet?
To get closer to the stove.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't there's one on the oven.

Why did god give men dicks?
So they'd have atleast one way to shut their women up.
or
What's the best thing about a blow job?
10 minutes of silence.

What do you tell a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.






And my personal fave:
What do you do when your wife comes out of the kitchen to complain?
Shorten the chain.

superfemmegrrl
06-14-2007, 07:42 PM
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?

They both come on little crackers.



;D My old SC manager told me that one and it's my favorite. BTW, Hi everyone! I haven't been on for a long time. I just got back in the business and loving it.

Susan Wayward
06-14-2007, 11:35 PM
OK, a customer told me this anecdote and it's a visual joke but cracked me up:

Girl to guy: "Oh, nice tattoo! I have one of a little mouse. Let me show you . . . "
Girl drops pants/panties: "Oh no! It's gone! My pussy must have eaten it!"

abadvi
11-20-2008, 08:35 PM
OK, a customer told me this anecdote and it's a visual joke but cracked me up:

Girl to guy: "Oh, nice tattoo! I have one of a little mouse. Let me show you . . . "
Girl drops pants/panties: "Oh no! It's gone! My pussy must have eaten it!"

Oh, I might try this next time someone compliments me on not having tattoos! :)

Scarlette_Lucre
11-21-2008, 01:48 AM
A couple of my all time favourites.

A little old woman is sitting in a rocking chair rocking the rest of her life away, *poof* her fairy god mother appears.
"you've lived a good life" she says, "i'm going to give you three wishes." The old woman thinks for a minute and says, "the obvious choice is i want to be young again."
*poof* she turns into her beautiful former self.
She thinks for a minute more and finally says, "the second obvious choice is that i want to be rich."
*poof* her rocking chair turns into a pile of gold. She thinks for a little bit more but at that moment her cat dashes across her veranda floor! "Ok ok i have my final wish" she says. I want you to make my sweet kitty human and have him be my husband. *poof* her cat becomes a handsome young man. he slowly walks across to her, takes her in his arms, and whispers in her ear .....

***I bet you wish you hadn't had me fixed.***

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car robin.

Oksana23
11-21-2008, 02:44 PM
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women WILD?
A $100 bill.

that's hot!

my variation of kaiarose's:
What goes in a womans mouth thats hard and pink, and comes out soft and sticky when she's finished with it?

Bubble gum of course! get your minds out of the gutter lol:P

achickonspeed
11-23-2008, 11:45 PM
I have to add 2 Michael Jackson jokes, out of NO taste!



What do Michael Jackson and Kmart have in common?

....boys pants half-off!



How do you know when it's bed-time at the Neverland ranch?

....when the big hand falls on the little hand!



I have actually told both of those jokes at the SC and they were always well-received...too funny.

Oksana23
11-25-2008, 10:31 AM
more michael jokes:

What do McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
Little Boy Blew.

and, really gross, and just in time for the holiday season....
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.

blondhottie
12-02-2008, 10:59 PM
There are 3 tampons: one for light flow, one for medium flow, and one for heavy flow. Which one is the most likely to talk to you?

None of them-they're all stuck up cunts. ;D

ducky
01-04-2009, 06:51 AM
I don't post here a lot... but when you run into musicians.....

How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's nothing that the keyboard player can't do with his left hand.

How many lead singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. The singer holds his hand up and the world revolves around it.

How do you get a guitar player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.