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AlexxaHex
05-04-2007, 02:12 AM
Have you heard of demand parenting?

Pretty much these women NEVER leave their kids for a second, they sleep in the same bed (with a BABY - so dangerous), wont let them go to school, demand feed until the child (yes CHILD) decides they dont want to be breastfed anymore (even feeding at age 6) etc.
They think their kids will grow up more independant, by never being 'denied' their mothers attention.

They are scary.

It is absolutely safe to sleep with your baby, as long as you don't drink or take sleeping pills. There are also other precautions to take to prevent SIDS (not having heavy blankets or pillows near the baby). Parents have an instinct to wake up before rolling over on an infant. It also makes feeding a lot easier as you don't have to get up in the night. Just pop out your boob and go back to sleep. Everyone sleeps better and baby feels secure next to her parent(s).

There is also nothing wrong with keeping in close proximity to your child and not letting them cry when they need love/attention/food/changing/etc. It teaches them to trust you when you respond to their needs! They know you can rely on them when you don't abandon them to cry in the crib all alone.

These are not signs of co-dependency or "scariness". It is just one way of parenting that is believed to encourage a close bond and trusting family atmosphere. Of course you wouldn't continue to do breastfeed and co-sleep for the duration of the whole childhood or anything, but I truly believe that too many post WWII parents started buying into cribs, bottle feeding and ignoring their kids when it should have been the opposite.

Sultry Siren
05-04-2007, 08:55 AM
I'm in total agreement with the co-sleeping.

As Alexxa said just pop out a boob and you can drift off and baby drifts off too.

I slept with my son and he didn't even get the chance to cry out I felt him stir cradled in my arm and that was my signal to give him the breast. Daddy got to sleep the entire night without disruption and my disruptions were so minimal that I was well rested throughout the day.

Our son is a very happy little guy who has only cried when he's been hurt or if he feels that I am upset. He's very secure and sleeps very well on his own away from me now. I just made the transition in stages and now he will sometimes tell me he is ready for bed just before his bed time.

Sleeping with him just as feeding him was a time of intense bonding and now if he feels unsure he just comes to mom for a cuddle then off he goes full of zip and vinegar. He knows mom is always there, and that has helped him be more bold and adventurous I think!

When we are out in public he knows to be well behaved and quiet and as such I am always paid high compliments on what a good boy he is. He wants me to be happy and my approval so I just have to let him know when his behavior is crossing the line and he stops right away. I think this might be in part to the bonding I have done with him both in the sleeping and feeding...as well as other realms of my parenting style.

I also agree with Alexxa that leaving a child to "cry it out" in a crib creates anxiety for the baby and can contribute to the child feeling scared and unsure...after all that baby has been inside you for 9 months never seperated for a moment and then you just expect "independance" when their brain does not possess the ability to logically understand the reason mommy isn't here or responding to me.

Even now when I have to introduce a new thing to him I explain it and let him know that even if things are not what he wants or expects that I still love him and I am here for him.

Korina
05-04-2007, 12:35 PM
Oh yeh and not to mention her bullshit talk about her husband. Everything is "my husband this" and "my husband that" I know the fucking guys name so u dont need to refer to him as my husband all the time.

She is fucking deluded and Im sick of it. She got pregnant after knowing him for 2 months and he married her out of obligation. Now she asked me if i am jealous of her situation? Ah no darling not a bit. I have my boyfriend of 3 years who is with me coz he wants to be with me.He also wants to marry me not coz I tricked him and got pregnant (yes she admitted it was done on purpose) but coz he is in love.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH im so mad thinking about this topic.
She used to be a great friend, now I find myself ignoring her 10:30am phone calls coz I have better things to talk about than how people are raising their kids. She bitches that her in-laws are the worse parents in the world. Sorry BORING.

I don't have kids and it was never my game plan, but I am married (and didn' t have to trick him:) ..but I would never refer to my man as "my husband this" , "my husband that"!!! Sheesh! I have even kept my last name.

mercedez
05-04-2007, 09:54 PM
I always ditch my friends the second they get pregnant. I know it seems evil and rude but after she gives birth ALL it will be is stretch marks and what colour her baby's poo was that day... oh, and can you babysit Snotleigh?!

snotleigh? hahaha

Lysondra
05-04-2007, 10:36 PM
This is probably going to be considered rude but...

I love love love how the OP was bitching about how baby rabies her friend was and how people can't stop talking about their babies.... and it went into a conversation about co-sleeping and how good everyone's OWN child is.

HAHAHAHA!

aussiepunkshocker
05-04-2007, 10:44 PM
^^^ I was thinking along simular lines. However its natural. Theres quite an obvious difference between women who've had children and those who have never been pregnant for longer than a few months.

I might add that so many women eat their own words too when it comes to the time where theyre actually having their own kids (-:

ha, does that sound smug? :-D

LatinaRose
05-05-2007, 04:26 AM
This is probably going to be considered rude but...

I love love love how the OP was bitching about how baby rabies her friend was and how people can't stop talking about their babies.... and it went into a conversation about co-sleeping and how good everyone's OWN child is.

HAHAHAHA!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Good point!! Half of the posts, I was like, umm where's the advice?!?!?

High_Heel_Lover
05-05-2007, 10:57 AM
I just want to say I love my friends because they are stil my friends, even after having 2 children they love me :)

TheSexKitten
05-05-2007, 05:31 PM
Wah I hope I have better friends than this! If I get pregnant and they all "ditch" me, well, boy howdy that would suck. :(

Lysondra
05-05-2007, 05:35 PM
^ Well they did ditch the thread!

*giggles*

Sorry girls, you know I'm just teasin'. :)

LatinaRose
05-05-2007, 05:47 PM
I don't wanna "ditch" my friend, but like LM said this thread inevitably turned into baby talk. Which is the exact reason I said I didn't want to hang out with my friend so much anymore.

TheSexKitten
05-05-2007, 05:48 PM
I have to agree with the whole "having an identity" concept here though... since I have no pregnant friends, I wanted to punch the girls out who've been on ANTM who can't stop blabbering about their kids.

OK, YOU HAVE A KID. COOL. I KNOW.

I guess try eating dinner with your friend or something, and if she talks about baby shit, try to change the subject? And if that fails (or maybe it already did), then hanging out probably isn't fun anymore soo.. yeah. No more hanging out I guess! ;D

AlexxaHex
05-05-2007, 08:20 PM
I don't wanna "ditch" my friend, but like LM said this thread inevitably turned into baby talk. Which is the exact reason I said I didn't want to hang out with my friend so much anymore.

It's understandable that you're not ready to have kids right now. Maybe you won't ever want to. It's not in everyone's future to have children. And that's okay because it's your choice or circumstance either way.
But the truth is, having kids is a huge part of being a woman. We may have evolved past just being "living hosts" and homemakers into the working world with many liberating advances in equality, yet we as a whole are still very much responsible for bringing life into this world. And yes, it changes you in so many ways. It's remarkable how much I have changed. I used to see children and RUN from them. I always said I'd be first in line at the clinic with my coat hanger if I ever got pregnant. Mostly I was just joking though...and some of it was avoiding a claim on being a responsible adult. Reproduction is a really important part of being human, and to be insensitive to that is a little bit strange, IMO. Maybe it's natural nowadays(?) because we come from and see so many broken homes. I dunno.
Your friend is going through something incredibly life changing and profound. Every day is a new experience for her due to these drastic changes. A tiny human is growing inside her at a rapid pace and her hormones are going into overdrive in order to compensate for this. I know (from experience) that it's hard to be understanding when you've never been through it yourself, but I think being just a bit more sensitive to the situation is not only good for you and her, but your friendship as well. Obviously it means something to you or you wouldn't have made a post about it here. You just have to decide if your priorities lie in maintaining the sanctity of your party lifestyle or in being there more for your friend. There is nothing wrong with setting up boundaries (like, don't fuckin call me before noon or I'll kill you, etc) though.

jaizaine
05-06-2007, 01:53 AM
This is probably going to be considered rude but...

I love love love how the OP was bitching about how baby rabies her friend was and how people can't stop talking about their babies.... and it went into a conversation about co-sleeping and how good everyone's OWN child is.

HAHAHAHA!

hahahaha I know!!!!!
:-\

LatinaRose
05-06-2007, 03:49 AM
It's understandable that you're not ready to have kids right now. Maybe you won't ever want to. It's not in everyone's future to have children. And that's okay because it's your choice or circumstance either way.
But the truth is, having kids is a huge part of being a woman. We may have evolved past just being "living hosts" and homemakers into the working world with many liberating advances in equality, yet we as a whole are still very much responsible for bringing life into this world. And yes, it changes you in so many ways. It's remarkable how much I have changed. I used to see children and RUN from them. I always said I'd be first in line at the clinic with my coat hanger if I ever got pregnant. Mostly I was just joking though...and some of it was avoiding a claim on being a responsible adult. Reproduction is a really important part of being human, and to be insensitive to that is a little bit strange, IMO. Maybe it's natural nowadays(?) because we come from and see so many broken homes. I dunno.
Your friend is going through something incredibly life changing and profound. Every day is a new experience for her due to these drastic changes. A tiny human is growing inside her at a rapid pace and her hormones are going into overdrive in order to compensate for this. I know (from experience) that it's hard to be understanding when you've never been through it yourself, but I think being just a bit more sensitive to the situation is not only good for you and her, but your friendship as well. Obviously it means something to you or you wouldn't have made a post about it here. You just have to decide if your priorities lie in maintaining the sanctity of your party lifestyle or in being there more for your friend. There is nothing wrong with setting up boundaries (like, don't fuckin call me before noon or I'll kill you, etc) though.

I wouldn't quite say there is any "sanctity" in my party lifestyle. Obviously, the friendship means a lot to me or I wouldn't have asked for advice. I just want her to understand that friendships change and grow and that it's okay. I've had friends that I've outgrown and friends that have outgrown me. I just don't think it's fair that she calls me up to bitch me out about it. She is rather immature as it is and pregnancy isn't helping it.

DylanAngel
05-06-2007, 06:18 AM
I wouldn't quite say there is any "sanctity" in my party lifestyle. Obviously, the friendship means a lot to me or I wouldn't have asked for advice. I just want her to understand that friendships change and grow and that it's okay. I've had friends that I've outgrown and friends that have outgrown me. I just don't think it's fair that she calls me up to bitch me out about it. She is rather immature as it is and pregnancy isn't helping it.

I think it's pretty clear that you care. One of your partners in crime has other priorities now and it sucks to have less in common. Been there, done that.

Like I said, I had my kids young, so I'm done now. But a lot of my friends are just having them now and I'm ready to travel, go to the city on a minute's notice, sleep late whatever. I miss them and how it used to be.

Hopefully, it'll get better. She's probably overwhelmed with feelings right now and she feels your friendship taking a different turn, so she's just trying anything to stay close to you. And she's going about it the wrong way.

There is no reason that she can't find some common ground. Pregnant women still do lunch, they still shop, etc. Can't she do those things with you without resorting to giving up her identity to the little one inside her?

If she can't, you might just have to step back...not leave, just step back until that time comes when you two have more in common again.

Sultry Siren
05-06-2007, 11:49 AM
LR I don't know your friend at all so what I am about to say may be out of turn.

I think your friend is suffering from more than just pregnancy here. She is obviously insecure, and that has made her clingy/needy resulting in her demands on you. For some reason you "fulfill" her to a degree and not spending time with her makes her feel her insecurities. (I think this personality is known as a Parasitic Personality.)

Perhaps she realizes the "freedoms" she's lost by getting pregnant and seeing you a liberated woman with no real obligations has her longing for it again...however...since she can't her insecurities tell her to make demands on you to in a sense tie you down as she is also tied down now.

As for her shotgun marriage...she might feel trapped now and sees you as Lady Liberty. If she has no feelings for him or the relationship is loveless that can make a woman insane and grasping at straws preggers or not.

IMHO 21 is too young to have kids...she is just bearly out of her teens and needs life experiences desperately, and unfortunately getting pregnant doesn't do that, nor does it magically transform a woman into one of substance and maturity.

******

My single friends that are still in contact with me cannot understand why I cannot drop everything and go with them at a moment's notice. Even my sis is most disagreeable at times. I've had to tell them I am a mom now and no longer footloose and fancy free. I have responsibilities to my husband my son and our house. As a result my single or married with no kids friends have been thinned out considerably!


I also feel your friend has had problems and has been demanding long before she got pregnant or married. It is just that now you notice them because the subject matter is something you do NOT want to talk about. Problems do not JUST come about due to pregnancy the pregnancy just intensifies what is already there(IMHO).

Your friend needs a support group, or other pregnant women who she can openly talk to. Right now she has targeted YOU for all her needs from what I understand and so she calls you even though you have asked her not to. In a sense she has become emotionally vampiric, drawing her emotional needs from you. This may mean her husband is anything but supportive and understanding.

No matter how you slice it both sides of this issue are equally abrasive and selfish.

Pregnant women and moms love to talk about their kids because their kids are literally parts of themselves and someone they helped create. Until a woman has been pregnant and held their baby in their arms, they cannnot even fathom how powerful and intense the impact is being a mother. It is an experience that makes all others seem pathetic.

I speak from experience.

On the other hand women who are not mothers nor pregnant cannot understand what the hell the fuss is about and only want to talk about things meaningful to them, parties, boyfriends, concerts, all nighters, how drunk they can get, shopping sprees, new make up, etc etc,

There has to be a happy medium where both parties are allowed their indulgences.

If and when you feel baby talk has gone beyond your abilities to handle it the onus is on you to put the brakes on. Change the subject or let her know enough already I have something I want to talk about or share with you. You can do it with grace and sensitivity.

Since she is continually calling you when you have told her not to this is evidence as to some of what I have said.

Yes there has been Baby Talk here but honestly to place a thread title of Pregnant Friends the risk was there for it to happen sometime in the thread. The post by sexy_celeste initiated it and for us moms who do co-sleep we just responded to her post nothing more. We mothers had unity on a subject that we are attacked on more than you would like to know or realize.

I am glad that these mothers as well as myself are attentive to our kids and like to talk about them (to a degree I add) because it at least means our children have not suffered neglect and we will not make headlines for murdering our children.

The two dynamics seem in violent opposition but there can be compromise that makes every one happy and can preserve friendships. It just means both parties involved have to be sensitive and no one gets to ride the high horse.

Lysondra
05-06-2007, 04:03 PM
On the other hand women who are not mothers nor pregnant cannot understand what the hell the fuss is about and only want to talk about things meaningful to them, parties, boyfriends, concerts, all nighters, how drunk they can get, shopping sprees, new make up, etc etc,



Yes, of course, that's all I know I talk about... how many people I slept with and how drunk I got because my life is sooo not meaaaninginful without a baby!

Last night I had lunch with some friends and we discussed taxes, write-offs, work, pharmaceuticals and rock-climbing competitions....

...but of course the only meaning in my life without a child is alcohol...

::)

DylanAngel
05-06-2007, 04:10 PM
^^^I agree LM, that was definitely a little harsh there. My friends that don't have children have much more to talk about than those subjects SS mentioned.

That's like saying if you don't have children, life is one big party and that's just not true.

jaizaine
05-06-2007, 07:45 PM
Yes, of course, that's all I know I talk about... how many people I slept with and how drunk I got because my life is sooo not meaaaninginful without a baby!

Last night I had lunch with some friends and we discussed taxes, write-offs, work, pharmaceuticals and rock-climbing competitions....

...but of course the only meaning in my life without a child is alcohol...

::)

WORD. When I read that post I just thought for fucks sake. See what I mean about it's us and them? I know there are some cool mum's out there so I dont mean everyone but for some women its like they become a diff species.
I think LM makes a good point when she says she ditches her friends if they become pregnant, prob saves a lot of time and effort in the long run.

Gee u know some of us want to get an education, travel and the like. Just coz u aren't procreating doesn't mean whatever u r doing is meaningless.

Its the same thing I am dealing with from my friend. Everything she did before the baby was immature or materialistic. I love how that poster just wrote all the superficial things - new make-up! Pfft. How offensive really.

Paintbaby
05-06-2007, 08:55 PM
^^^^^^ TRUTH.

I also can't stand it when people say that you aren't really a woman until you have a child . Children are a choice. I take my identity from things that are just as worthy and meaningful , and not from being a mother. Never wanted kids, never had them, and I consider myself as much of a woman as anyone who has given birth.

I was lucky when my best friend gave birth--she stayed the same woman she always was, re: her career, lifestyle, personality--she didn't discard her old life and personality just because she had a child. She is a great mother, though--her child is a very loved, well-behaved, happy little boy.

And LM, it isn't a baby, it's TEH BAYYYYYBEEEEE!

Lysondra
05-07-2007, 05:28 AM
It IS us vs. them. Obviously we're just immature little bitches who don't understand the meaning of life because we don't have PWECIOUS Fucktrophies!

Good lord, I can't believe you insinuated that. It's highly offensive and yet you want a MIDDLE GROUND? Maybe if you don't derail a thread into talking about your children and call us all immature and into makeup and sex and getting drunk we wouldn't HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM.

*still angry*

Ugh, now people can see exactly why I just ditch pregnant women. Now LR can see for herself how it turns out when you hang around the majority of these women... you get derailed threads and comments on how immature you are!

No thanks!

jaizaine
05-07-2007, 05:48 AM
Fuck trophies :laughing:

Naomi12
05-07-2007, 06:13 AM
Damn reading the comments everybody has something negative to say about people having babies. Anyways I have a daughter (I was still dancing once I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter too), I still hung out with my girls and my girls were cool about it, I tried not to talk about it so much, we still did our lunches and our shopping, and they participated with picking baby stuff out because they felt like it....
Anyways I guess I am a different breed because I am slightly bougie so I like hanging out and kicking it with my girls. I got to some point where I cut myself off from them because I didn't want to be the sulk in their happiness, when they went out and I couldn't, but I always made and effort to talk to them.
I mean I was pretty young when I had Nina (my little girl) I was 21 as well, but experiences make you different so I was somewhat mature than most my age , so I got a lot of advice as well from my friends. There was a balance in my friendship with my girls, they understood what I was going through, but I understood that they either had already gone through what I have gone through, or not yet, so I tried not to burden them, everytime, I had heartburn etc.
You said she was still young and a little immature, maybe she doesn't know how to handle this situation....Is she a single mommy? Maybe that can be a problem...I mean yes her hormones suck (they should be a little better if she is 7 months). It's just about balance and understanding if you two are really close friends, and if you care....
fyi I am pregnant again and I do miss my friends (mainly because I moved to a new state and bought a new house) and sometimes wish that I had them here to watch a movie with, and talk about people, and laugh at how fat my S.O. has gotten....
PREGNANT BITCHES GET LONELY TOO....;)

DylanAngel
05-07-2007, 06:18 AM
We mothers had unity on a subject that we are attacked on more than you would like to know or realize.


I have never felt attacked for being a mom or for starting a thread regarding child issues. The point being, that I started my own thread...I didn't insert my motherly opinions in a thread ranting about that very thing.

I have gotten advice from moms and non-moms and I take it all seriously. Don't lump all of us moms in with those who have no life outside their children.

I love being a mother and felt it was the right choice for me, but you can rest assured that I have MANY other interests and my single friends have quite a time keeping up with me.

Stop perpetuating the very stereotype that these girls are talking about...please!

aussiepunkshocker
05-07-2007, 07:23 AM
Yeah some of this shit is nasty. I can understand not liking kids and not wanting anything to do with them, but theres no need to talk utter bollocks and theres no need to be a fucking cunt about it, geezzz.

And whilst Im bothering to type this, may I add that this aint the only thread thats been derailed - thats actually normal around here :-D

Sunshine73
05-07-2007, 02:17 PM
Ok so my best friend is 7 months pregnant right now. She just called me up and whined that I haven't spent any time with her while I'm in AZ (we've gone to dinner/shopping maybe 3-4 times). I feel bad, but things are different now. I told her before she even got pregnant that if she did, our friendship would change. Now she is upset b/c I'd rather go to work or go out. She is young (21) and already kinda immature, but with being pregnant and super emotional and all, she just called me up and told me I was wrong and that she is hurt. She said the EXACT same thing about her pregnant friends that I said to her before she got pregnant.

So how do I deal with this? Have any of you been in this situation before? I mean our conversations go something like this:

Me: "Will these shoes go with this outfit? Should I work tonight or go out? Is $200 too much to spend on a bikini? " etc

Her: "I hope this baby doesn't leave me with stretchmarks. I can feel her kicking all the time. I hope Mike will let me go back to work." etc

So we have a completely different focus on life now. I'm still having fun and not really taking anything too serious and all she talks about now is pregnancy related. I can't relate at all, nor do I want to hear about it. I think I'm missing that gene that loves kids. Ya know how some women can just go up to any baby and cuddle and coo and ooh and ah?? Not me. I don't wanna do that unless they are my family, then I love them to pieces.

So again how do I deal with this? Just set a lunch date weekly for her to tell me everything about her pregnancy? I told her that our friendship would change and that it's not necessarily a bad thing, just to expect it. But she seems to have forgotten that and thinks we should be hanging out like we used to.


If you want to keep this friendship going, then this is a situation where both of you are going to have to give a little.

Your friend is going through something you have never experienced before. Having a kid IS a big deal, and she wants your support.

You want to keep her friendship, but don't want to hear about pregnancy related stuff 24/7.

You may have to be a little more tolerant of her wanting to talk about pregnancy, her baby, etc. It is a life-changing thing she is going through . Maybe show your support by getting the baby something cute to wear, or throwing her a shower.

SHE, on the other hand, needs to realize that she may be better off talking about babies/pregnancy to someone who has been there and done that. She also needs to realize that while yes she is having a baby and it is a big deal, there ARE other things in life worth talking about too. While having a child is an important part of HER life, she does have a friend who also has a life (you). If she wants you around all the time so she can talk about HERSELF, then I'm sorry but she is being very selfish indeed. She also needs to be a friend to YOU. Friendships go both ways.

I remember when I was pregnant, my phone stopped ringing and I might as well fallen off the face of the earth. Yes, I shared what was going on with my pregnancy to friends, after all, they were my friends, BUT I would have enjoyed hearing stories about things that were going on with them too. I'd ask them stuff about what was going on in their lives, but THEY would turn things around and talk more about me being pregnant. In the end, I got ditched, and I was very lonely. Which is sad, because I feel that I was a good friend. I wanted to hear their stories too. It wasn't all me me me.

Maybe tell her that while you are behind her, you don't really know too much about babies/pregnancy, so she may be better off talking about it with someone who has been there already. That should give her a hint. You don't have much knowledge about this stuff, and you wish you could help her out, but you can't. But let her know you CAN offer advice about other things that are important to her.

In her defense, having a kid is a big deal, so she is going to talk & think a lot about it. Yes, you will hear about it, but she also has to realize that the friendship is all about her AND you. Not just her.

Lysondra
05-07-2007, 03:05 PM
Yeah some of this shit is nasty. I can understand not liking kids and not wanting anything to do with them, but theres no need to talk utter bollocks and theres no need to be a fucking cunt about it, geezzz.

And whilst Im bothering to type this, may I add that this aint the only thread thats been derailed - thats actually normal around here :-D

Oh hey you have kids... lol, I forgot! You're my only friend that does... but he's 15, so I think you've gotten over that 'loook at my BAYBEE!' attitude... if YOU ever had it. Heehee. :)

I think I like it better when I can actually hold a conversation wish said child.

christian211
05-07-2007, 03:58 PM
Yeah some of this shit is nasty. I can understand not liking kids and not wanting anything to do with them, but theres no need to talk utter bollocks and theres no need to be a fucking cunt about it, geezzz.

And whilst Im bothering to type this, may I add that this aint the only thread thats been derailed - thats actually normal around here :-D



Thank you!!

AlexxaHex
05-07-2007, 06:16 PM
It IS us vs. them. Obviously we're just immature little bitches who don't understand the meaning of life because we don't have PWECIOUS Fucktrophies!

Good lord, I can't believe you insinuated that. It's highly offensive and yet you want a MIDDLE GROUND? Maybe if you don't derail a thread into talking about your children and call us all immature and into makeup and sex and getting drunk we wouldn't HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM.

*still angry*

Ugh, now people can see exactly why I just ditch pregnant women. Now LR can see for herself how it turns out when you hang around the majority of these women... you get derailed threads and comments on how immature you are!

No thanks!

Oh jeez LM, I can't understand why people don't take you seriously when you post such MATURE comments like this. ::)

Fucktrophy? Dude. I am beyond insulted.

jaizaine
05-07-2007, 06:29 PM
I agree this thread has gone over the top with insults. There is no need to insult eachother or eachother's choices. ;)

Lysondra
05-07-2007, 08:02 PM
Fine, I apologize for going over the top.

Lysondra
05-07-2007, 08:06 PM
I just reread what I wrote and I'm really really sorry I went over the top. I was just so angry. I've had issues (oooobviously) with a pregnant friend before that treated me like shit for the sake of her baby.... :(

:-[

jaizaine
05-07-2007, 11:53 PM
^^^ same. Im currently having major issues with my so-called best friend and it's a very sore topic for me. But I have to keep in mind that plenty of women can have children without acting like my friend does.

Sultry Siren
05-08-2007, 08:22 AM
First off I would like to apologize for any offense that any women here may have felt by my last post. It is unfortunate that the other points in my post were thrown out due to one comment.

My post was a GENERAL one NOT directed at any woman, mother or not, who has posted within this thread. It was meant as a generalization to encompass more than one group of women that I have had to deal with.

To clarify...
Originally Posted by Sultry Siren
We mothers had unity on a subject that we are attacked on more than you would like to know or realize.

The post that brought this on was due to a post claiming co-sleeping was a dangerous thing to do...A few of us here who do/have practiced co-sleeping united in our declaration that it is not dangerous provided the mother is not taking drugs/medications or consuming alcohol.

As mothers we are attacked for how we discipline our child (children), whether we nurse or bottle feed our children, and heaven forbid if we EVER nurse in PUBLIC!!!!

If we are not attacked for how we choose to raise and mother our children then we face opinions for or against us in our efforts from both those who are mothers and those who are not. We cannot win!!

I just joined in the mini-chorus here to help defend the women who have same maternal styles as myself.

I hope that has brought clarity.

BTW...LMAO I thought a Fuck Trophy was a Fuck Buddy or a person in the Top 10 of a Little Black Book of greatest sex partners ever! (joking ok....)::)

Hatshepsut
05-08-2007, 04:49 PM
I don't mind mommies at all. However, I hate anyone who has a rampaging sense of entitlement, such as Bibethumpers who tell you that you're going to hell and kill abortion doctors in the name of the Lord. However, the entitlemoo mindset is encouraged and accepted by society, and we Childfree people are the ones who are expected to give leeway and pick up the slack. Yes, I know that parenting is important and that they are raising the future, but this entitlement can get pretty disgusting. NOTE: I am not talking about the women on this board, or a lot of women in general. Therefore, please don't get insulted because I'm probably NOT talking about you. I admit that these are some pretty extreme cases, but the underlying point is that entitlement is annoying.

1) Moms who change their kids' diapers in very public places like restaurant tables. Don't shit where you eat, literally and figuratively. Yes, I know that these piggies are far and few in between, but it's still sick. Double annoyance points go if these same poopers don't like being told to breastfeed in the bathroom ( I ADVOCATE BREASTFEEDING ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE. I just find it ironic and hypocritical that these piggy women don't care if they're putting poop where we eat, yet they don't want their kids eating in a place where others poop).

2) Parents who hog allllll the conversations about their precious children, from birth to graduating from Harvard. Double annoyance points if they're comparing to other people's kids. We're happy to hear about your kid's gold medal in the spelling bee, but when it's overriding work-related discussions or if you call me at home just to brag, stuff it with a sock. Keep personal and work life separate in general.

3) Mothers who find it all right to judge me as immature for not fulfilling my ultimate duty as a mother, yet would shit a brick if I suggested that she cast off the slave collar of parenthood by putting them on the orphan train. (I don't think this, but it's giving a taste of their own medicine).

4) Parents who chronically skip out of work for their kids. I mean, I know it's important for you to be there for the kids, but guess who picks up the slack? It would be all right if it was occasional, and/or if they offered a deal ("I'll take this assignment for you if I can get out early for Junior's baseball game on Wednesday.") I know that management may be to blame. I know that it's not fair that people are stretched thin, but it's also unfair that we Childfree people are automatically assigned to pick up the slack. Just because we don't have kids doesn't mean that we don't have lives or other people to care for.

5) Parents who think that parenthood gives them every right to rewrite the rules. A reeking example are mothers who are incensed that their darling little babies weren't invited to a wedding. Uh, weddings belong to the bride and groom. Maybe they don't fancy getting red wine spilled on dresses, or having to watch their footing when dancing at the reception.

6) Parents who don't understand that not all places are child-friendly. They're always trying to change the world so their poor babies' virgin eyes and ears will never be harmed. I especially hate it when they tell us, "Well, you don't have to be here if you don't like it," if their kids are acting up in a restaurant. However, do they just stay home? No. Also, there's plenty of stuff to censor what you don't want your kids to see, like Vchips and Netnanny. It's not everyone's job to go along with your censoring, it's your job to NOT take them to late night, R-rated movies and make sure the kids don't hack the Vchip.

I don't hate kids at all, and I don't think that parents are dumb for having kids. However, once they start intruding on other people's rights with as much remorse as Paris Hilton, then I get annoyed. How they decide to parents their children is their business. We don't have a right to criticize their methods unless they are abusive, so in return they don't have a right to intrude on everyone and have a huge sense of entitlement about it.

Lysondra
05-08-2007, 04:54 PM
^

5) I'm getting the shits for this!! "But whyyy aren't you inviting the couuuusins!?" Because I don't waaaaant to! I don't want a screaming child at my expensive wedding. "Oh but now Uncle Michael won't show up!!" Good, that'll save me $80.. actually, $120 because you KNOW he'll ask for extra food for his baby.

6) AHHH!!! I was working at a TOPLESS PUB and had to put my clothes on because a girl was offended I was topless in front of the child she had brought. I'll say it again. TOPLESS. PUB!

Hatshepsut
05-08-2007, 05:03 PM
What the fuck was a kid doing at a topless pub? Don't they have age limits in those places? Is Australia not like America in that sense?

Lilith, if you ever see her again, it is your civic duty to scoop out her ovaries.

Lysondra
05-08-2007, 05:05 PM
It was an 18+ topless pub! But she felt the right her kid ( 8 ) should be allowed in there so she could drink herself under the table. She complained to the management... and they let her stay! :o

aussiepunkshocker
05-08-2007, 06:09 PM
Lol, I forget that I have a kid too sometimes ;D
I never had that whole engulfed in motherhood thing going on although I think once youve been in the latter half of a pregnancy and had a child of course your going to be able to talk about baby stuff to a certain extent. I hate the crap talk though, but anything envolving revolving around health then I may have 2 cents worth :)



Oh hey you have kids... lol, I forgot! You're my only friend that does... but he's 15, so I think you've gotten over that 'loook at my BAYBEE!' attitude... if YOU ever had it. Heehee. :)

I think I like it better when I can actually hold a conversation wish said child.

jaizaine
05-08-2007, 06:17 PM
I have nothing at all against breast feeding in public but I have to share this as I was repulsed to the point that I had to move. My boyfriend and I were sitting at the food court in my local shopping centre and this woman sat down with her kid. I am not good at judging kids ages but this kid was eating mcdonalds. You know what the mum gave the kid to wash the maccas down? her breast! yeah thats right my bf and I were fucking disgusted. I could not hide my disgust either - the look I gave this woman and she's lucky I said nothing coz I was disgusted to the point of being put off my food.

I agree with Hatshepsut that parent's should respect other people's rights not to have kids around. If it's a persons wedding they have the right to say who comes and who doesn't. Being offended that your kids arent invited lacks insight - its an adult affair and its dam expensive.

I dont believe children under 10 should be allowed at ANY restaurant at all. I have had many good meals ruined by screaming children. They should go to child-friendly places.

LatinaRose
05-08-2007, 06:24 PM
LM, love your new avatar!

One of the reasons I guess I'm irritated by this is b/c she is not ready to be a mom, this I know. She told me she was going to get an abortion, then went to vegas with me and got drunk and partied, which I did not condone even with her intention to get an abortion, but she's an adult and I couldn't stop her. And then she decided to keep the baby after all that partying. Because she just couldn't bare to get an abortion. After fucking her bf for months with zero birth control which is totally irresponsible and just plain fucking dumb, IMO. And if she couldn't bare to get an abortion, how could she bare doing all that partying if there was even a tiny chance she'd keep it?? I think part of being a parent is teaching your kids about life and wtf does she know about life to teach that child/future adult???

I know she'll love that baby with all her heart and be a good mom. But will she be a great one?? Maybe it is what she needs to make her grow up and be a mature responsible adult. Personally I plan to wait to have kids til I know I'm ready to be the best mom that I can possibly be. I feel I owe it to my future children.

jaizaine
05-08-2007, 06:32 PM
^^^
I feel your frustration there. My friend rang me in tears the other night saying she has a drinking problem and cannot even get out of bed at 8am without drinking wine, then she drinks all day until she goes to sleep.

She has 2 kids now - 2 and half year old and 6 month old. She drank and smoked during both pregnancies and while breastfeeding and now she admits she drinks so much that the kids are just stuck at home all day coz she is too pissed to drive anywhere.

Yet this is the girl who has been criticising my life because Im immature etc - well no I think immature is a woman who has kids and behaves like she does.

aussiepunkshocker
05-08-2007, 06:37 PM
What, would coke have been so much better? :-\ I really dont get that.
Im pretty disgusted that mums give mcDonalds to their kids i the first place but thank goodness the kid gets some nourishment from breast milk!



I have nothing at all against breast feeding in public but I have to share this as I was repulsed to the point that I had to move. My boyfriend and I were sitting at the food court in my local shopping centre and this woman sat down with her kid. I am not good at judging kids ages but this kid was eating mcdonalds. You know what the mum gave the kid to wash the maccas down? her breast! yeah thats right my bf and I were fucking disgusted. I could not hide my disgust either - the look I gave this woman and she's lucky I said nothing coz I was disgusted to the point of being put off my food.

I agree with Hatshepsut that parent's should respect other people's rights not to have kids around. If it's a persons wedding they have the right to say who comes and who doesn't. Being offended that your kids arent invited lacks insight - its an adult affair and its dam expensive.

I dont believe children under 10 should be allowed at ANY restaurant at all. I have had many good meals ruined by screaming children. They should go to child-friendly places.

jaizaine
05-08-2007, 06:40 PM
no i just thought that kid was very old to be breastfeeding. he looked about 5 or 6.

Hatshepsut
05-08-2007, 08:42 PM
She has 2 kids now - 2 and half year old and 6 month old. She drank and smoked during both pregnancies and while breastfeeding and now she admits she drinks so much that the kids are just stuck at home all day coz she is too pissed to drive anywhere.

It is absolutely fucking disgusting to drink, smoke, use drugs, and engage in risky behaviors during pregnancy. It's one thing to mess up your own body, it's another thing to mess up someone else's body.

jaizaine
05-08-2007, 09:41 PM
^^
totally agree with u there. like it or not you are an incubator when u r pregnant therefore its not 100% your body to do with as u wish when pregnant. I was disgusted with her for behaving like that. I mean I think the occasional glass of wine while pregnant might be ok (might not 100% coz I have heard even small amounts is not good) but she was getting drunk and laughing about being drunk and saying the feotus would be drunk. It was sickening.

Sunshine73
05-09-2007, 02:08 AM
LM, love your new avatar!

One of the reasons I guess I'm irritated by this is b/c she is not ready to be a mom, this I know. She told me she was going to get an abortion, then went to vegas with me and got drunk and partied, which I did not condone even with her intention to get an abortion, but she's an adult and I couldn't stop her. And then she decided to keep the baby after all that partying. Because she just couldn't bare to get an abortion. After fucking her bf for months with zero birth control which is totally irresponsible and just plain fucking dumb, IMO. And if she couldn't bare to get an abortion, how could she bare doing all that partying if there was even a tiny chance she'd keep it?? I think part of being a parent is teaching your kids about life and wtf does she know about life to teach that child/future adult???

I know she'll love that baby with all her heart and be a good mom. But will she be a great one?? Maybe it is what she needs to make her grow up and be a mature responsible adult. Personally I plan to wait to have kids til I know I'm ready to be the best mom that I can possibly be. I feel I owe it to my future children.


Has she been partying throughout the pregnancy? Or has she been taking good care of herself?

Sometimes when you have a baby, something within you changes and you realize how important it is to behave like a mature and responsible adult. Let's hope she will grow up and fast, for the sake of her child.

Nautilus
05-09-2007, 02:40 AM
wow, you're awesome. can i be your friend.

::)

LatinaRose
05-09-2007, 03:25 AM
Has she been partying throughout the pregnancy? Or has she been taking good care of herself?

Sometimes when you have a baby, something within you changes and you realize how important it is to behave like a mature and responsible adult. Let's hope she will grow up and fast, for the sake of her child.

No, not since that weekend in vegas. She has a glass of wine or a beer every now and then, but that's it. It just pisses me off that she was so irresponsible in the first place, did all that, then decided to keep it. Which is fine, that's her choice, just don't call me up telling me I'm a bad friend b/c I don't wanna hang out as much. If she had told me at the time she was thinking she might keep it, I would have dropped her as a friend right then for doing all that shit to her unborn child. I just can't respect that.