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kittenkat
05-18-2007, 10:04 PM
Giving advice is something people do about many topics, but this is one that I'd say falls into the realm of best not done because the emotional issue and physical risks are complex, and very personal. However of course if someone asks for advise about this, that's another matter.

BTW, this is YOUR post on another thread. You best follow your own advice. Not having kids is personal as having an abortion.

xdamage
05-18-2007, 10:04 PM
That's the original thread, xdamage.

Look at sunshyn's post above. She can express her opinion without being a patronizing jerk. I have NO problems with what she wrote- even if she was a HE.

If the OP said something to the effect of "what do people think about being child-free?" ... then your options are valid. She specifically asked people not to do what you've been doing, so i'm aying start your own thread and feel free to express yourself there instead of saying shit like this:



You actually do have a valid point here. Like I said earlier in the thead, if it hadn't have been for the jumping down AlexxaHex's posts and one other poster, I"d have stayed out of it. But given the ridiculous amount of crap they were given, for what was in effect being loving moms, my dumbass inner knight kicked in. From a personal experience point of view, if either of those ladies had been my mom and stood up for motherhood the way they did I'd have been happy to be their son. It's not an easy thing to stand up against dozens of 20 year olds without children. The fact that they showed even a little bit of backbone against the crowds and a positive attitude towards their children is admirable. Frankly, far more admirable then dozens of women who group think wise all pat each other on the back and don't want kids. Thats cool, but come on, lets face facts, that so predictable and easy to think that way who really cares? In our 20 somethings most of us dont want kids - yawn, big fucking deal, we all thought that way. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I'm gonna cheer for the underdogs. They are the ones showing the real spine, and for a good cause, their kids.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 10:05 PM
What the hell!!!??? .....calling us SHEEP because we are being INDEPENDENT!!??? I don't see the correlation between the two!!!????/:O

Exactly!!! I didn't see anyone seeking validation as much as stating their own reasons, and supporting each other in their OWN decisions.

And heaven forbid that more than five people share the same opinion. Whether it be about not having children or objecting to some obnoxious posts...then we're sheep and accused of having "pack mentality".

AlexxaHex
05-18-2007, 10:09 PM
What the hell!!!??? .....calling us SHEEP because we are being INDEPENDENT!!??? Or wanting to be!!!??? I don't see the correlation between the two!!!???/:O

Grow a brain cell or two.
I'm sorry you can't understand that I'm in no way bashing anyone's reproductive choices </repeat myself /repeat myself /repeat myself>. I am saying that ganging up on people here for not sticking to the topic or having the same POV is sheep-ish.

Dottie Rebel
05-18-2007, 10:11 PM
Not the "inner knight" again. You already repeated it ad nauseum. We get it. You have a rescuer fantasy. Now, run right into the nearest strip club and give all your monies to a nice mommy with a bunch of hungry mouths to feed.

Mily
05-18-2007, 10:14 PM
Grow a brain cell or two.
I'm sorry you can't understand that I'm in no way bashing anyone's reproductive choices </repeat myself /repeat myself /repeat myself>. I am saying that ganging up on people here for not sticking to the topic or having the same POV is sheep-ish.

*BUMP*

Anyway, DylanAngel....what does your husband think about the situation?

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 10:14 PM
The fact that they showed even a little bit of backbone against the crowds and a positive attitude towards their children is admirable. Frankly, far more admirable then dozens of women who group think wise all pat each other on the back and don't want kids.

That was just wrong X. I frankly find it admirable no matter which way you choose. The fact that they are being true to themselves is what's admirable. You were sooo off base for saying that.

xdamage
05-18-2007, 10:16 PM
[

I suppose the OP's wishes deserve no respect and yours trump her wishes.

If the OP had posted, why "I choose not to be Gay" and then explained why he/she didn't want to hear from gay people while the thread filled with a lot of crap, you probably would not say that the OPs wishes should trump all other input. I read the OPs wishes, but they were unrealistic in the Lounge and the threads ended up attacking Alexxa and another poster. The OPs wishes are valid, but only up to a point. At some point it became clear that the OP had crossed a boundary where the OP should seek validatio on a sitte that focuses on childfree living. The stripper lounge clearly wasn't it. I know you don't agree, but its clear to me that this is a topic that is not specifically about stripping (the common denominator of this site) and had crossed a personal boundary that did not belong on this site.

I however have absolutely no fear of or worry about saying so. I don't care about the groups approval. Not at all. I do what is morally right to me, even if it pisses of the group think majoirity. If the MODs want to kick me they will. But from my point of view, the OP does not have the authority or right to give people like Alexxa crap, and I don't care if the group think is they should be able to so either. SW isn't about childless living, its about stripping. The OP overstepped her bounds, and I dont care if it pisses off the masses that I say so. Do what you got to do, but it was wrong to give Alexxa and the other girl the shit the masses gave them.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 10:17 PM
*BUMP*

Anyway, DylanAngel....what does your husband think about the situation?

I think my fiance is caught in the middle. He loves our life. He loves that we have a kid who will give us grandkids one day, but that my daughter is old enough to not need constant care. So he really gets the best of both worlds.

But I also think he gets sad because his parents are older and not exactly in the best of health and he wants to please them.

I think he would be fine with the whole situation if they would just lay off. But he doesn't have enough spine to tell them that.

Edited to add: I'd really like to hear some responses that you childfree women give to those presumptuous people who question your right to not have kids.

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 10:20 PM
^ Did you just compare not wanting children to being gay?

:O

Mily
05-18-2007, 10:22 PM
I completely understand. My dad had to finally tell his parents to back off, and it was the only way to shut them up. This is between you and your hubby. He needs to stand up for his family like mine did. You need to let him know how this makes you feel, hon.

xdamage
05-18-2007, 10:26 PM
That was just wrong X. I frankly find it admirable no matter which way you choose. The fact that they are being true to themselves is what's admirable. You were sooo off base for saying that.

Put another way, when you are part of the crowd, you also have the luxury of being compassionate and gracious without losing the crowds favor. I saw none of that. There was no need to rip Alexxa and the other poster a new one, but whatever, this is the way childish groups work. Nobody gives a fuck about facts anyway, just if they are popular in the biggest group. There is so much BS posted in this thread based on a lack of experience with actually having kids, and those few who have, dancing around so scared to not say what they want because it might piss off the 19 yr olds who don't have kids yet. I just find it to be pathetic how wussy people are, so scared, having to carefully pick every word for fear you might piss off the mob of youngsters. Spines = who gives a fuck. Just say what your experience is, stop sugar coating it, and who cares if the youngsters hear that they might want kids later in life? Geezus, it's such a minor and irrelevant thing. They won't die over it you know. You had kids Dylan. You did such a great job of dancing around everything but actually saying you liked your kids. Maybe you didn't. Or maybe you did but you let the group scare the fuck out of you instead of just saying the truth. Me, I just say the truth. Kids are work, yea, but I love the hell out of mine and I don't give a fuck who on the planet is made uncomfy by that - its just fact, and doesn't tell them what they should do with their lives.

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 10:26 PM
I think my fiance is caught in the middle. He loves our life. He loves that we have a kid who will give us grandkids one day, but that my daughter is old enough to not need constant care. So he really gets the best of both worlds.

But I also think he gets sad because his parents are older and not exactly in the best of health and he wants to please them.

I think he would be fine with the whole situation if they would just lay off. But he doesn't have enough spine to tell them that.

Edited to add: I'd really like to hear some responses that you childfree women give to those presumptuous people who question your right to not have kids.

Why not have HIM get the big snip? Then people will know it's HIS decision to not have children.. not poor evil wifey not doin' her job as a womb-an.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 10:27 PM
I completely understand. My dad had to finally tell his parents to back off, and it was the only way to shut them up. This is between you and your hubby. He needs to stand up for his family like mine did. You need to let him know how this makes you feel, hon.

Thank you. It helps to know that others have done the same and it turned out well.

This is definitely going to be discussed. And soon because we have yet another family party tomorrow and more than likely, more crap being dished out towards me.

Thanks again Mileia. I hope my daughter thinks like you in that she has a loving caring father in my fiance, regardless of whom she was born to.

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 10:28 PM
Put another way, when you are part of the crowd, you also have the luxury of being compassionate and gracious without losing the crowds favor. I saw none of that. There was no need to rip Alexxa and the other poster a new one, but whatever, this is the way childish groups work. Nobody gives a fuck about facts anyway, just if they are popular in the biggest group. There is so much BS posted in this thread based on a lack of experience with actually having kids, and those few who have, dancing around so scared to not say what they want because it might piss off the 19 yr olds who don't have kids yet. I just find it to be pathetic how wussy people are, so scared, having to carefully pick every word for fear you might piss off the mob of youngsters. Spines = who gives a fuck. Just say what your experience is, stop sugar coating it, and who cares if the youngsters hear that they might want kids later in life? Geezus, it's such a minor and irrelevant thing. They won't die over it you know. You had kids Dylan. You did such a great job of dancing around everything but actually saying you liked your kids. Maybe you didn't. Or maybe you did but you let the group scare the fuck out of you instead of just saying the truth. Me, I just say the truth. Kids are work, yea, but I love the hell out of mine and I don't give a fuck who on the planet is made uncomfy by that - its just fact, and doesn't tell them what they should do with their lives.

That would be because WE DON'T WANT THEM.

Durrrrrrrrrrr :dunce:

Dottie Rebel
05-18-2007, 10:29 PM
^^^Don't you mean DUH? ;)

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 10:30 PM
^ Oh snap!

Deni
05-18-2007, 10:30 PM
.....

flickad
05-18-2007, 10:30 PM
Seems like the pack mentality Chicken Littles of SW have been aroused by this thread. It's so easy to gang up on one particular poster without really adding anything of value, isn't it?
I think the problem is that there are too many people who are taking Xdamage's opinions PERSONALLY when they should be more concerned about the real dangers to their points of view. X isn't going to take your rights away, nor does he want to so why are you all so offended? You should be angry at the REAL root of your problems (the people IRL who are fucking with you) and stop taking it out on him. I still have this distinct feeling you're all defensive because he's a guy, yet this thread wasn't designated only for women. He's not even trying to tell you what to do, but offering his own POV which is JUST AS VALID AS YOURS. Seems like the only women left talking on this thread are "yeswomen" who are all just joining together and going "yeah yeah get out of our thread" when they themselves aren't even contributing anything at all!

Mindless sheep, I tell you. I'm QUITE glad many of you have decided not to have kids, so believe me, I wouldn't object to your decision at all. I think X feels the same way, although I wouldn't want to put words in his mouth.


People who feel this way aren't sheep at all. Personally, I very much have my own opinions on pretty much every topic there is, as may be evidenced by looking at the fact that I've disagreed with many others (including majorities) in many other threads. I also happen to agree with the posters who've found this man rather sanctimonious and have only refrained from saying so because so many others already have, thus making my input here unnecessary.

It is horribly patronising (and I would venture, quite wrong) on your part to assume that other posters are being sheep rather than genuinely holding an opinion. A consensus does not in any way imply that people are following the herd.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 10:30 PM
. You had kids Dylan. You did such a great job of dancing around everything but actually saying you liked your kids. Maybe you didn't. Or maybe you did but you let the group scare the fuck out of you instead of just saying the truth. Me, I just say the truth. Kids are work, yea, but I love the hell out of mine and I don't give a fuck who on the planet is made uncomfy by that - its just fact, and doesn't tell them what they should do with their lives.

I danced around NOTHING. There are plenty of threads around here where I talk about how much I love my children.

This was not a thread in which that particular fact was being discussed. I had something in common with the OP, and chose to honor her request that this thread be about being "childfree".

Simple as that and oh so easy. Too bad others couldn't see it that way.

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 10:33 PM
I danced around NOTHING. There are plenty of threads around here where I talk about how much I love my children.

This was not a thread in which that particular fact was being discussed. I had something in common with the OP, and chose to honor her request that this thread be about being "childfree".

Simple as that and oh so easy. Too bad others couldn't see it that way.

I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being a mother and still being able to contribute a topic that has to do with being childfree - such as the hurtful comments and mean things people say to you for not wanting any (more).

I really appreciate your views here - as a parent that can see both sides, and even have some of your own battles to deal with - childed or not.

Mily
05-18-2007, 10:34 PM
Thank you. It helps to know that others have done the same and it turned out well.

This is definitely going to be discussed. And soon because we have yet another family party tomorrow and more than likely, more crap being dished out towards me.

Thanks again Mileia. I hope my daughter thinks like you in that she has a loving caring father in my fiance, regardless of whom she was born to.


I so wish you the best, sweetie. Just talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel. I so love my dad, and when he stuck up for us the way he did I knew he was an Angel, and "God's Gift" to my mother, my brother, and I. It will all work out. :)

AlexxaHex
05-18-2007, 10:36 PM
People who feel this way aren't sheep at all. Personally, I very much have my own opinions on pretty much every topic there is, as may be evidenced by looking at the fact that I've disagreed with many others (including majorities) in many other threads. I also happen to agree with the posters who've found this man rather sanctimonious and have only refrained from saying so because so many others already have, thus making my input here unnecessary.

It is horribly patronising (and I would venture, quite wrong) on your part to assume that other posters are being sheep rather than genuinely holding an opinion. A consensus does not in any way imply that people are following the herd.

Is there a fucking echo in here?

jaizaine
05-18-2007, 10:37 PM
:crowded:^^^^Thanks, aviendha! We want to hear more input and opinions of those that are childfree! Girls...SERIOUSLY>>>>IGNORE "PROFESSOR XDAMAGE"...we were smoothe sailing for a while...DO NOT LET HIM INTERRUPT!!:) This is OUR THREAD!:)

Here here.
I dont have the patience to read 12 pages of babble anyway.

xdamage
05-18-2007, 10:37 PM
I danced around NOTHING. There are plenty of threads around here where I talk about how much I love my children.



Then stop being afraid to say it. Who gives a fuck if the 19 year olds think having children suck?

Balls --- say it. You've had far more real experience then their limited intellectual lack of experience. Just fucking say it. "I LOVE MY CHILDREN"

It makes every difference to this topic which is otherwise based on a complete lack of experience raising kids. And on top of that, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with moms and dads loving their kids. Frankly I think this is far more relevant input then I input like I fear I might have to wake up and change a diaper, or not be able to go out to a fucking restaurant when I want. I sure weigh the love of my kids as infinitely more important then these inconviences. Don't you?

Mily
05-18-2007, 10:39 PM
^^^Don't you mean DUH? ;)


LOL!!! I actually like LM's :dunce: DDuuuurrrrr...I'm gonna use that instead of DUHHH....hehe!

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 10:40 PM
Then stop being afraid to say it. Who gives a fuck if the 19 year olds think having children suck?

Balls --- say it. You've had far more real experience then their limited intellectual lack of experience. Just fucking say it. "I LOVE MY CHILDREN"



THERE'S NO REASON TO SAY IT!!!

This is not a thread about children. It's a thread about NOT having children, something I am going through right now.

Mily
05-18-2007, 10:41 PM
Have we beaten "The Stripper Outfit Hall of Shame" thread yet!? Is that one the longest one? ;D

xdamage
05-18-2007, 10:42 PM
Wow, thanks for grouping me in with all the other BS that's been going on in this thread and telling me I'm a helpless sheep that obviously doesn't know what I want to do with my life since I'm only 22.


My comments were not directed at you Deni. Youre comments have struck me as very reasonable.

Dottie Rebel
05-18-2007, 10:45 PM
I'm out until everyone can put this dude where he belongs: on IGNORE. So long...

jaizaine
05-18-2007, 10:49 PM
^^
don't even have to bother putting him on ignore just scroll past his posts.

I have been doing that since about page 8 anyway. His posts are too long, boring and not paragraphed well enough for me to bother with.

Just because he took high school biology he seems to think he is the next Darwin.

I think he should go to a local strip club and pay some poor dancer to listen to his PL bullshit. LOL I'd prob hand him back his money tho.

I think the OP started this thread for genuine reasons. The arguments that have been started over what I consider such a neutral topic have tempted me to start a thread: "Children are like parasites because ....."

LOL
Anyway ladies don't answer anymore of his bullshit posts just scroll down and let us childfree women chat!

xdamage
05-18-2007, 10:50 PM
That would be because WE DON'T WANT THEM.

Durrrrrrrrrrr :dunce:

That's cool. Now if everyone would stop acting like those who do are mindless breeders, and if those who have never had them would stop acting like they are experts on what it feels like to have children, and if the cowardly would stop trying to suck up to the group, surprisingly, EVERYONE would have the truth, and nobody would be elevated onto a false pedestal of superiority. It's not that hard, sans giving up the stupid pedestals.

Deni
05-18-2007, 10:55 PM
.....

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 10:57 PM
Oh, hey...topic.

Another reason I'm childfree is because I've had cervical cancer. Actually having a child would endanger the child's life and my own should I carry to term. I am also mostly sterile anyway, but I'm on two forms of birth control AND I regularly test myself to prevent such mishaps because I don't want to be forced into the sitation of having an abortion.

Does anyone else have this problem? I've heard a few mentions of it. How do you deal with people that say you should risk it for the sake of having a baby? I find it offensive that an unwanted unplanned unborn child is more important than me dying.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 11:01 PM
Deni, you can't take that all upon yourself. They were grownups and you didn't ask to be born.

I can identify though. I was conceived out of wedlock and was the reason my parents married. They had a horrible marriage and my dad was an alcoholic.

But, you know what? Nobody made her have unprotected sex with him. Not my fault.

I know it's hard, but you can't let their failures cloud your decisions, whatever they may be. Wanna have children eventually? Go for it. Don't? Then don't. But don't let that decision come from their mistakes.

And, as far as being a burden to your step-dad, that's not possible. He knew you and your mom came as a package deal and he went into it with open eyes. Nobody forced him.

When or if you're ready....you'll know.

Mily
05-18-2007, 11:03 PM
Man...my brain is seriously fried right now after all of that madness! I've gots me a freakin' headache!!!!!! :headache:

Mily
05-18-2007, 11:07 PM
Oh, hey...topic.

Another reason I'm childfree is because I've had cervical cancer. Actually having a child would endanger the child's life and my own should I carry to term. I am also mostly sterile anyway, but I'm on two forms of birth control AND I regularly test myself to prevent such mishaps because I don't want to be forced into the sitation of having an abortion.

Does anyone else have this problem? I've heard a few mentions of it. How do you deal with people that say you should risk it for the sake of having a baby? I find it offensive that an unwanted unplanned unborn child is more important than me dying.


It's because that would be the "politically correct" thing to do...the unselfish thing even though you, yourself have health problems. :headache: OUCH!!! My fucking head!!!

jaizaine
05-18-2007, 11:07 PM
LM I have something similar to add. Not cervical cancer but this woman that I knew had bowel cancer. She was married and she was told she was in remission. She then got pregnant and within 8 weeks of pregnancy she was told that she should abort the foetus because the cancer had come back and she needed immediate chemotherapy. She refused and carried the child to term. She died when the baby was 6 months old. Many people thought it was stupid. Her husband even told me that he wanted his wife to live not some foetus that he didn't even know. He was completely devastated and left as a widower with a young baby.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 11:11 PM
LM, isn't it a shame that you have to divulge your whole medical history to ignorant people?

Shouldn't it be enough to say "No, I don't want any children" and let that statement stand on its own without a reason?

Why are people so freaking nosy?

jaizaine
05-18-2007, 11:13 PM
^^
I think LM is right when she says "I don't want children coz I don't like them" - it's pretty self-explanatory.

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 11:17 PM
I could probably get away with that one too now, considering I've had two already and I know what it's like, lol!!;D

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 11:31 PM
Yeah I think it's a shame that when I stated I didn't want one I got a load of crap.

It's also really sad that it's suddenly better and nobody cares (except for some, but not any here, thank god) when I mention I've had a disease that prevents me from having children.

Like, hating them wasn't reason enough - but at least NOW I have a REAL reason...awwwww.... *eyeroll*

I don't like kids... and I can't have them... and I'm (omggethis) HAPPY!

GoldCoastGirl
05-18-2007, 11:38 PM
I'm perfectly healthy with no medical problems (that I know of) preventing me carrying a child to term and it being born a-ok. I don't get it that I can't just say "I made the well thought out decision to not have children. I feel my life path doesn't include them." and that be it.

Oh well.

I find it :laughing: that this thread has gone on for this long tho' ... really.. damn!

Lysondra
05-18-2007, 11:41 PM
Ohohohohoho... now that you're here, Vee.

HEY EVERYONE. VEE IS OLDER THAN 20 and STILL DOESN'T WANT KIDS SO STUFF IT WITH THE YOUNG SHIT OKAY?!

DylanAngel
05-18-2007, 11:42 PM
Well, I wanna know why I can't just say, "I've been there, done that".

Why is it because I'm dating someone who doesn't have any make me any different than any other person who's done having kids?

I find it hard to believe that people don't find it stupid to have raised kids for 20 years and then go and spend another 20 years doing it all over again.

Maybe I should start saying "I'm not having any more because I don't have a death wish".

Darcy Foxx
05-19-2007, 12:16 AM
As a mere, inferior 22 year old I suppose my silly and immature thoughts don't matter as I probably don't know what I want anyway. Cos ya know, I'll grow up one day and want children like all normal people.

Although nobody in my immediate or close family has suffered, my extended family is apparently genetically pre-disposed to down syndrome. Yeah, it's an incredibly fucking small chance that if I had a kid it'll be mentally handicapped, but it's still a chance. I don't care how bad this sounds but I can NOT put that burden on my life. Not to mention the fact that I've suffered with bad hereditary depression my whole life, and I'd never want to inflict that shit on someone else.

That, and I just don't like them. I'll tolerate other peoples children for very small amounts of time. I avoid babies as much as possible. I'm happy for other people who have kids and love them and think they're the best thing since sliced bread, because whatever makes you personally happy is fan-fucking-tastic. I love my cat. When my cat annoys me I can shut him outside, and I can still go out shopping and do whatever I want and he is not a factor, as long as he is fed and safe. That is all the love I am prepared to give to something other than myself.

There is not one single part of me that feels any desire at all to procreate. And there never, ever has been.

Not once in my whole short uneducated immature 22 years.

Hatshepsut
05-19-2007, 12:28 AM
Although nobody in my immediate or close family has suffered, my extended family is apparently genetically pre-disposed to down syndrome. Yeah, it's an incredibly fucking small chance that if I had a kid it'll be mentally handicapped, but it's still a chance. I don't care how bad this sounds but I can NOT put that burden on my life. Not to mention the fact that I've suffered with bad hereditary depression my whole life, and I'd never want to inflict that shit on someone else.
This is the same in my boyfriend's family. In fact, having a brother with Down's has greatly influenced my bf's decision to become Childfree. Special Needs children are dependent for life, and affect everybody else in the family.

It also takes a great toll on other family members. My bf's brother J was always spoiled due to the fact that he's disabled. He's sweet, but he was never given limits and never punished for anything. Basically, he's like a puppy who pees on the rug and chews slippers. J would always pull shit like smash my bf's Walkman in front of him because he thought it was funny and because his parents never gave him limits. He even shoved my bf in alligator-infested waters while fishing with their dad right there, but was never even reprimanded. My bf was given a strict military family upbringing, and was always shoved on the backburner for J's Special Olympics. He knows that he does not want to risk anything like that. I couldn't risk that either, as I've taken care of several people with Special Needs.

GoldCoastGirl
05-19-2007, 12:34 AM
Ohohohohoho... now that you're here, Vee.

HEY EVERYONE. VEE IS OLDER THAN 20 and STILL DOESN'T WANT KIDS SO STUFF IT WITH THE YOUNG SHIT OKAY?!

I kept quiet and they forgot about me.

I'm closer to 30 than I am 20 these days :laughing:

I had the same mind and belief and decision when I was just out of high school so I wasn't EVEN 20 years of age as I do now. I think I already posted about how my year long early childcare and education course I did way back in 1996 has influenced me to this day about staying childfree.

I loved the course. I adored the children because ultimately THEY WERE NOT MINE and I could give them back at the end of the day. I didn't have to go home with them nor have to put with them for longer than 6 or so hours a day (or whenever I did that practical part of my course).

Lysondra
05-19-2007, 12:42 AM
This is the same in my boyfriend's family. In fact, having a brother with Down's has greatly influenced my bf's decision to become Childfree. Special Needs children are dependent for life, and affect everybody else in the family.

It also takes a great toll on other family members. My bf's brother J was always spoiled due to the fact that he's disabled. He's sweet, but he was never given limits and never punished for anything. Basically, he's like a puppy who pees on the rug and chews slippers. J would always pull shit like smash my bf's Walkman in front of him because he thought it was funny and because his parents never gave him limits. He even shoved my bf in alligator-infested waters while fishing with their dad right there, but was never even reprimanded. My bf was given a strict military family upbringing, and was always shoved on the backburner for J's Special Olympics. He knows that he does not want to risk anything like that. I couldn't risk that either, as I've taken care of several people with Special Needs.

Okay, slightly off topic but it SHITS me when people don't give limits to the handicapped. Michael has Aspergers and becase of it his mum treated him like her widdle baby his WHOLE life... he can't even write a cheque and it's something he's PERFECTLY capable of doing. He doesn't know how to make a phone call, or look up a maid in the yellow pages... because when he was little and complained it was TOO HARRRRD, they went 'aww, okay, mikey has a disorder, let's do it for him'.

And like the smart child he was, he realized that he could just say that shit and never do it again.

NOT saying it's the same with Down's... but you have to give ALL children limits and reprimands.. because they know what's wrong and it CAN be ingrained in their head.. but awww, poor disabled child... let me do EVERYTHING for you is, imo, shitty ass parenting. You need to do your best to make them as productive members of society as you CAN.. that's the job of a parent.. not giving into every damn whim of your child - disabled or not.

Hatshepsut
05-19-2007, 12:48 AM
Okay, slightly off topic but it SHITS me when people don't give limits to the handicapped. Michael has Aspergers and becase of it his mum treated him like her widdle baby his WHOLE life... he can't even write a cheque and it's something he's PERFECTLY capable of doing. He doesn't know how to make a phone call, or look up a maid in the yellow pages... because when he was little and complained it was TOO HARRRRD, they went 'aww, okay, mikey has a disorder, let's do it for him'.

And like the smart child he was, he realized that he could just say that shit and never do it again.

NOT saying it's the same with Down's... but you have to give ALL children limits and reprimands.. because they know what's wrong and it CAN be ingrained in their head.. but awww, poor disabled child... let me do EVERYTHING for you is, imo, shitty ass parenting. You need to do your best to make them as productive members of society as you CAN.. that's the job of a parent.. not giving into every damn whim of your child - disabled or not.

Amen, amen. Kids need and want limits, and should be pushed to succeed. Yes, you shouldn't make them feel inadequate by giving them tasks that are unreasonable for their disability, but you're only crippling them if you baby them. In fact, we nurses are supposed to encourage parents to help their children to attain the highest levels of development possible.