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PhillyDancer1982
05-24-2007, 06:54 AM
i want to have my life in order, marry and settle down with said hubby and learn how we are with one another before throwing kids into the equation. i think that a waiting period of 3-5 years after i marry will be in order before i have any kids.

That is what my parents did(they waited about 2yrs after marrying before conceiving me), and it worked good for them. They were able to spend the first few years of their marriage travelling to cool places like Bermuda.

For some reason, I am looking forward more to having kids than getting married, as strange as that sounds. Ideally I don't want to have kids outside marriage though. I just cannot see myself settling down let alone getting married. Perhaps my view is influenced by the fact that I have no chance in ending up with the only guy I really loved(he passed away), or the fact that I already had several miscarriages in the past(I felt guilty about those, even though I hadn't done anything wrong). I do not know. But marriage sounds so boring and undesirable to me right now, yet having kids seems hectic but also a bit more fun. For that reason, I probably won't want to wait too long after marriage to start having kids(but I'm not planning to marry until I'm close to 30). Maybe I'm just weird? Does anyone else feel this way?

Cyndi08
06-01-2007, 02:11 PM
^^ I'm not waiting for marriage to have kids. I plan on having them biologically or by adoption in 3-4 years, when I am settled career wise. I have always wanted kids, but I'm not settling for Mr. Not So Right to have them and then put them through a split up.

Any man I would be with, I expect us to be together a number of years with no break ups before even getting married, then another number of years before having children with him which ties us together FOREVER. At that point, I might be past my ideal years for having children, and I don't want to miss that opportunity. I can happily go through my life never married, but I do want children whether they are my blood or not. And I want to be young enough to enjoy them.

Complicated, I know.

For now, I'm childfree because it's not the right timing. I'm not ready for kids yet. I'm sorting my life out and getting ready to enjoy it myself. Then, when I'm ready, I will share what I have earned with children. That may sound harsh, but these days kids think they are just entitled to what their parents have earned... not cool.

Dottie Rebel
06-01-2007, 02:48 PM
^^Childfree means you have made a conscious, deliberate choice to live a life without children, adopted or biological. Not having kids "yet" is sort of outside the scope of this conversation.

Just hoping to clear up the definition a bit. Not that this will. ::)

Guenevere
06-01-2007, 03:06 PM
Are we getting back on topic yet? I can never tell ;)

I have choosen the word of childfreedom. My husband, before we were married did not although his child lives with his ex (long hateful story, go figure, lol).

I have never been one to want children, I don't have a problem with them, just like many others, I just don't feel motherhood is for me. I could make a list of all the many reasons I don't want them but my reasons have been brought up many times within this thread! I am extremely happy being the spoiling auntie and sending them back home at the end of a visit!

There are so many people that say I will eventually... BLAH! Someone posted something to the extent of, if I don't feel the maternal extincts to have children why would I do it? I'm not going to get myself knocked up hoping that the instincts kick in!!!!





Someone actually told me recently, "You know how much you love and care for your puppy, that's how you'll be with a baby, tenfold." Huh? And I won't have to worry about leaving it home alone for a couple of hours too? :P

Dottie Rebel
06-01-2007, 03:14 PM
There are so many people that say I will eventually... BLAH! Someone posted something to the extent of, if I don't feel the maternal extincts to have children why would I do it? I'm not going to get myself knocked up hoping that the instincts kick in!!!!


No kidding, right? No guarantee WHATSOEVER that these alleged instincts will kick in. And what an unbelievable gamble. Like, the highest stakes gamble ever. This ain't Vegas up in this piece!

Dottie Rebel
06-01-2007, 03:16 PM
Oh, and that's funny about the puppy! It's been mathematically calculated that the quantitative joy derived from childbirth and parenthood is approximately 10 times that of acquiring and raising a dog.

:)

Cyndi08
06-01-2007, 03:16 PM
Yeah, it's not set in stone... for now I'm childfree and enjoy it to the fullest extent. The definition IS foggy since we are including those who have had children and don't want ANY MORE, as well.

Dottie Rebel
06-01-2007, 03:26 PM
^^^Not to quibble, but no one is including people who have children and don't want any more. Those members like DylanAngel, who have children, don't want any more, and sympathize with the childfree decision are down and all but no one is calling them childfree.

Katrine
06-01-2007, 04:04 PM
I don't want children. I do like them for short periods of time only. Plus, my plumbing is damaged and I don't feel like sinking $50K into in-vitrol. Finally, I don't think I would make a good parent. I come from multiple generations of violence, on both sides. I know not all Slavs are violent, but mine are. I would probably beat my children out of anger, like my parents did. And no one deserves that..........

DylanAngel
06-01-2007, 07:20 PM
^^^Not to quibble, but no one is including people who have children and don't want any more. Those members like DylanAngel, who have children, don't want any more, and sympathize with the childfree decision are sympathetic but no one is calling them childfree.

Yeah, I'm definitely not "child free". My gray hairs and permanently broken back and bank account can attest to this.

Dottie Rebel
06-01-2007, 07:58 PM
^^^Oh snap! hehe... :)

DylanAngel
06-01-2007, 08:03 PM
^^^Oh snap! hehe... :)

You know I love to make you laugh!!!

I consider myself "Childfree Henceforth", since, technically, my daughter is not a child anymore.

Lysondra
06-01-2007, 08:43 PM
Childfree, by definition means never having kids, never wanting kids and never adopting kids.

DylanAngel
06-01-2007, 08:57 PM
Childfree, by definition means never having kids, never wanting kids and never adopting kids.

Thank you Captain Obvious!!!!!

j/k LM. I'm just jealous cuz you're hanging with the Aussie chicks instead of us.>:(

Lysondra
06-01-2007, 08:59 PM
Hahah, I WOULDN'T have to be obvious if people would just get it! :P

And yeah, I'm so special! :)

Optimist
06-01-2007, 09:54 PM
Hey, Hatshepsut said it was okay to post if you don't have 'em but want 'em eventually!!! I'm tellin' on you! j/k :P
We are the Childless--not Childfree. That sounds like a movie title.....

Guenevere
06-01-2007, 10:03 PM
No kidding, right? No guarantee WHATSOEVER that these alleged instincts will kick in. And what an unbelievable gamble. Like, the highest stakes gamble ever. This ain't Vegas up in this piece!

And it's amazing how many times people say it too!


Oh, and that's funny about the puppy! It's been mathematically calculated that the quantitative joy derived from childbirth and parenthood is approximately 10 times that of acquiring and raising a dog.

:)

:rotfl:

Yekhefah
06-01-2007, 10:27 PM
Adoption is a grey area. I'm sort of honorary childfree to some people, since I'm fertile but have made the active choice not to further contribute to overpopulation and plan to adopt.

pinkkitten
06-02-2007, 12:06 AM
Would a person be able to be considered childfree is she never wanted kids or even liked them but became pregnant through a rape situation and was forced or coerced into keeping and giving birth to the child who was eventually adopted by someone else? And this person still never plans on having kids and considers herself to be without children? It does prove that the maternal instict does not automatically kick in.

Dottie Rebel
06-02-2007, 12:23 AM
^^Of course. She would be issued a "Get Out of Parenthood Free" card by the Consortium of Childree Kooks (COCK) and and therefore granted complete immunity by the International Childfree Police.

I am kidding, kidding...

I think that, absolutely, this hypothetical person would be considered childfree. It's about the choice that she's made. She made a decisiont o be childfree. She was then raped against her will--NOT her choice. Giving the baby up for adoption affirms her choice to live a childfree life.

And yes, I've heard of many cases in which babies conceived of rape are rejected by their mothers. I guess it's NOT always different when it's your own.

Dottie Rebel
06-02-2007, 12:25 AM
^^Of course. She would be issued a "Get Out of Parenthood Free" card by the Consortium of Childree Kooks (COCK) and and therefore granted complete immunity by the International Childfree Police.

I am kidding, kidding...

I think that, absolutely, this hypothetical person would be considered childfree. It's about the choice that she's made. She made a decisiont o be childfree. She was then raped against her will--NOT her choice. Giving the baby up for adoption affirms her choice to live a childfree life.

And yes, I've heard of many cases in which babies conceived of rape are rejected by their mothers. I guess it's NOT always different when it's your own.

NinaDaisy
06-02-2007, 02:00 AM
If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's pretty simple and logical to me.

I do very much want kids someday, just not right now. I had an abortion when I was 21 but I just turned 29 and am at a point now that if I did get pregnant I probably would have the baby since I'm in a much better position financially and emotionally than I was back then. Plus I've traveled a lot and done a bunch of other stuff that I would have regretted not having been able to do had I had a child at 21.

If "not right now" turns into "can't have them" because I get too old, I want to adopt a child anyway, so I'll just add another one onto the heap. Ideally one who is a little older since a) no diapers to change :P and b) older children tend to have a harder time finding homes to be placed in.

As a wannabe "breeder" (and I take no offense to that term, BTW) I frankly think that the reasons people give for NOT wanting kids tend to be a lot better and make more sense than the ones people give for wanting them. Most motives for having kids seem pretty selfish. I'm aware of that, but at least I know it wanting to be the best parent I can be if that ever happens.

Lysondra
06-03-2007, 06:31 PM
Would a person be able to be considered childfree is she never wanted kids or even liked them but became pregnant through a rape situation and was forced or coerced into keeping and giving birth to the child who was eventually adopted by someone else? And this person still never plans on having kids and considers herself to be without children? It does prove that the maternal instict does not automatically kick in.

By definition she wouldn't be childfree. I highly doubt ANY person would argue it if they knew the story... but she had children thus she's not childfree. It's a gray area in that sense, but I've been privy to this same argument before.

Lysondra
06-03-2007, 06:32 PM
Am I still childfree because my partner and I continuously try to have children but never succeed?!

I think it might be my birth control... but we NEVER succeed!

Damn, I think I'll try again tonight!

/being silly

Hatshepsut
06-06-2007, 09:27 PM
According to boards and websites, a lot of Childfree people encourage adoption, and some would even consider adopting. Heck, I might adopt in the future. I'm fully capable of loving someone else's DNA.

LuckyOne
10-15-2007, 07:22 PM
I have never responded to this thread. Been thinking a lot about this lately cuz it seems like there's babies everywhere!!! I am childfree because I don't think I would make a good parent.

But that's not to say that anyone should have children JUST because they would be a good parent. I don't know.

I just know I wouldn't want to have a kid unless I knew I could give them the life they deserved. I would never forgive myself if my kid was unhealthy and I have f*ked up my body so much I don't think I'd be willing to risk it.

AlexxaHex
10-15-2007, 07:36 PM
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOO!!! Let's not drag up this stupid thread again, please???!!

ahmeerah
10-15-2007, 08:59 PM
I'm happily childfree.

Having 2 demanding cats is quite enough. Plus the physical changes would probably depress me.

Eventually I might adopt. I'd have to be in a good place financially and emotionally. I would only become a parent if I were married.

francescadubois
10-15-2007, 09:05 PM
I'm childfree and probably will be for the next few years. Kids are cool, but there's always stuff comin' out of 'em. :(

Lysondra
10-16-2007, 02:40 AM
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOO!!! Let's not drag up this stupid thread again, please???!!

I fart in your general direction and your baby is a hamster. :P

DylanAngel
10-16-2007, 05:23 AM
Oh nooooo! Not this old chestnut!

Seriously, I think those with strong opinions have put this thread behind them.

And we just know that Alexxa's baby is destined to rule the world!

AlexxaHex
10-16-2007, 04:57 PM
I fart in your general direction and your baby is a hamster. :P

That's so funny you say that because Jess and I called her a hamster when she was still in the womb.


Oh nooooo! Not this old chestnut!

Seriously, I think those with strong opinions have put this thread behind them.

And we just know that Alexxa's baby is destined to rule the world!

You're right about that - both things, actually! :P :laughing:

Callyish
10-16-2007, 05:25 PM
Oh god why is this thread back?

Seriously this thread brought out some really nasty sides of people :(

Embyr
10-16-2007, 05:50 PM
damn i thought this bastard got locked three months ago. ;D

ArmySGT.
10-16-2007, 06:20 PM
Tra la la la la..

*blinks*
O Hai Guiz!

jaizaine
10-17-2007, 08:54 AM
a blast from the past heheh

Lola Rose
10-17-2007, 01:44 PM
i dun't think threads in mb can be locked..... it's kind of a free play place.