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AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 06:59 PM
Mostly, the reason I don't want to have kids is that I don't feel a crazy, passionate, burning desire to have them. And, lacking such a desire, NO ONE should create and raise a human being. Period.

Unless you are chomping at the bit to throw yourself headlong into the task of raising a human being as deliberately as possible and loving it with all your energy, do not have one.

^^This kinda made me think a bit. In fact, this whole thread has...
So I'm gonna add a few things now that I've had a chance to read more of this thread and the direction it's going in.
For me personally, I didn't feel as though I ever had a crazy desire to have children. I knew in the back of my mind that I would very possibly want to do it, but it wasn't planned. I thought I could pretty much go either way, yet would go with what opportunities were created by the path of my life and love. I always knew that I would have a seriously hard time having an abortion, and that I probably wouldn't be able to go through with it and end up loving the child whatever the circumstances. And I was right. When the time came to decide, I just couldn't imagine giving her up, and I have made a serious effort toward making room for this new life. I am one of those people who looked past all of the doubts and negative thoughts about having children and made the baby my first priority. It didn't matter that I was financially unprepared, stripping for a living and unmarried. It didn't matter that I wasn't filled with a passion to have a huge family. My life changed the instant I saw that positive pregnancy test; she became my prime purpose. I sacrificed a lot for her and I know that will continue throughout her childhood. I've educated myself and become a lot more responsible about things. Like Aussiepunkshocker says, all of those reasons for not having kids didn't seem to matter much. My personal feeling about it is that when you are destined to be a mother, you just do it. You find a way. I understand that not everybody feels that way though. Some people just should not have kids. The only time not having kids is selfish is when you continue to have abortions as a method of birth control, IMO. But even then, the reality is that the child is not wanted and should not be brought into such a situation. But I do think that becoming a parent changes people. Some of you think you can't be good parents and I don't always think that is true. Parenthood is not about being perfect, it is about love and responsibility.

What I find sad here is reading that those of you who CAN'T have kids will never know the love I feel. Does that mean I think you should have kids despite your conditions and circumstances? No, certainly not. But I do think that the love you feel for a child is probably the purest, strongest and most natural thing in this world. I find it heartbreaking that some people won't or can't know what that's like.



What the hell? I apologized and said I was over the top for that!

I have waited to address this because I wasn't really sure how to respond to your apology in the other thread. While I want to accept it and move on, I find it difficult to really feel genuinely placated by an apology. What you said was really harsh, and I don't think an apology can just erase the bad feelings that went along with what you said. It stung and it was unnecessary since your real issue wasn't with any of us on SW but with someone in your personal life. I'm not going to keep harping on you about it at all, but I think it's important that you realize the possible repercussions of your thoughts and the impact they may have on people here. While I don't feel that any of the "childless" here have alienated me from them in terms of the SW community, rabid pregnant woman bashing and words like "fucktrophy", "moo" and "breeder" definitely do. Whether or not "moo" is meant to be an insult, I think there is a bit of a hidden reference to the maternal being bigger both during pregnancy and after birth. Use of those words make me feel as though I have to choose to dissociate myself from people who react that way. I don't know if you noticed this before, LM, but during our last disagreement in your post about your court case, I stopped responding to your posts for many months. Not to be nasty, but I really feel like I have to do that again because otherwise I might say something in response that I would possibly regret.

DylanAngel
05-13-2007, 07:03 PM
As humans, we're supposed to have the wherewithal to not breed indiscriminately as opposed to animals who just breed over and over again.

Notice I used the words "supposed to". I wish people would use their heads and not have children they can't support. There are resources other than natural ones that are also being depleted and exploited.

Hatshepsut
05-13-2007, 07:13 PM
Eh shit, this thread is turning into parent vs. Childfree...

DylanAngel
05-13-2007, 07:17 PM
Eh shit, this thread is turning into parent vs. Childfree...

I don't think so. I think it's very thought provoking.

But I think we can agree that the use of the terms mentioned above is not necessary. It would be akin to those with children calling the childfree unfeminine or without any womanly tendencies.

We know both sides to be untrue. If we could just keep the insulting terminology to a minimum, this could be one of the all time great feminist threads.

Lysondra
05-13-2007, 07:23 PM
Eh shit, this thread is turning into parent vs. Childfree...

Agreed. I'm done apologizing for who I am.

LatinaRose
05-13-2007, 07:25 PM
I hate getting to these threads super late and I had a feeling it would go in a certain direction. Anyway, these are my reasons for being childfree:

I am only 24 years old. I enjoy my freedom far too much to have a kid at this point. I'm waiting b/c I want to do it right. I want to be married first, be in love, and create that child out of love. I don't want to have a kid b/c some dude knocked me up - it just seems so typical among girls nowadays. I want to create my child out of love and I want to be ready and prepared for it and able to enjoy it, not struggling to save every dime I can. I want to give my child the best of everything - the best house in the best neighborhood, the best education, everything. I want to wait til I have enough money to be comfortable and able to provide all those things while not being stressed out. My mom was a single mom. She always had to work her ass off to give us a good life and as a result, she was tired and stressed out and we weren't close at all. I don't want that. So I think maybe I'll start wanting kids around 29-30 maybe later and the bf feels the same way.

In short, I want to have my children for the right reasons and give them the absolute best life I possibly can. Anything less seems selfish to me.

cameron_keys
05-13-2007, 07:28 PM
What I find sad here is reading that those of you who CAN'T have kids will never know the love I feel. Does that mean I think you should have kids despite your conditions and circumstances? No, certainly not. But I do think that the love you feel for a child is probably the purest, strongest and most natural thing in this world. I find it heartbreaking that some people won't or can't know what that's like.


See..not to be argumentative, but THIS is what irritates so many of us. Yes, I understand that for YOU the love you have for your child is paramount. And that nothing in the world compares to it. And thats wonderful. For YOU.
But to insinuate that we are somehow missing out or incomplete because of not having children is infuriating. And it sounds vaguely patronizing to say that it is "heartbreaking" that anyone "wont" know it. As if we are making a mistake by not having kids.


I'm sure that you didnt necessarily mean it that way....but it is insulting. Just like the guy at the club doesnt mean to be insulting when he says he likes 'big" girls (to cite an example)....It does come off as if yo uare looking down on those who are child free by choice

AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 07:34 PM
No, I'm not looking down on anyone at all or thinking that they should feel or act differently than they do. It is just my personal feeling. I think I made that clear.

Lysondra
05-13-2007, 07:35 PM
Thank you, Cameron, I couldn't have worded it better, *hugs*

cameron_keys
05-13-2007, 07:42 PM
No, I'm not looking down on anyone at all or thinking that they should feel or act differently than they do. It is just my personal feeling. I think I made that clear.

I know it is your personal feeling. What else could it be? I'm saying that it comes across as very bad. And it is exactly these types of statements that drive those of us that are child free INSANE. Because we hear the same things every time this topic comes up:

"you'll change your mind"
"you are missing out of the best thing in life..children"
"you'll feel differantly when it's your own"

By saying that you feel it is "heartbreaking" that some of us "cant or wont" experience it...whether you meant it that way or not...you are being patronizing.
It's like telling a lesbian that it's "heartbreaking" that she "cant or wont" experience dick. Sure...WE like it....sure its awesome for US...but not for her. And saying otherwise implies that she is making a wrong or bad choice....understand?
Not everyone feels that 'glow" of pure love from a child..whether it is theirs or not. And if you dont want children....it is WRONG on so many levels to have one assuming that once it's born, your mindset will change. Yeah sure...it does for some people. But what if it doesnt.....

AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 07:51 PM
I know it is your personal feeling. What else could it be? I'm saying that it comes across as very bad. And it is exactly these types of statements that drive those of us that are child free INSANE. Because we hear the same things every time this topic comes up:

"you'll change your mind"
"you are missing out of the best thing in life..children"
"you'll feel differantly when it's your own"

By saying that you feel it is "heartbreaking" that some of us "cant or wont" experience it...whether you meant it that way or not...you are being patronizing.
It's like telling a lesbian that it's "heartbreaking" that she "cant or wont" experience dick. Sure...WE like it....sure its awesome for US...but not for her. And saying otherwise implies that she is making a wrong or bad choice....understand?
Not everyone feels that 'glow" of pure love from a child..whether it is theirs or not. And if you dont want children....it is WRONG on so many levels to have one assuming that once it's born, your mindset will change. Yeah sure...it does for some people. But what if it doesnt.....

I think you're missing the point here. How can my feelings be "bad" if I'm not imposing them upon anyone else? I haven't said any of those things you are accusing me of saying:

"you'll change your mind"
"you are missing out of the best thing in life..children"
"you'll feel differantly when it's your own"

Truthfully, I hope people don't have kids who don't want them. I think I said that also. I support someone's choice to not have kids and I never assumed that all parents just jump into responsibility mode when they get pregnant. I was giving my personal perspective and sharing my own experiences. You seem to think I am saying everyone else has to feel that way but I'm not.
I will stand behind the fact that it is sad to me that some people won't know the love I feel. How am I judging you or saying that you should have kids? All I am saying is that I know the positive things that you are missing and I feel grateful that I don't have to go without. If you feel as though I'm being insensitive then I'm sorry - I am just really happy with my choice, although that doesn't meant I think I am better than you.

Hatshepsut
05-13-2007, 07:52 PM
Right now, I'm reading Dennis the Manace in the Sunday Funnies, and it's a perfect negative portrayal of a Childfree person. Mr. Wilson does not like Dennis being around, and I wouldn't either. However, he's seen as a grumpy old man who needs to rediscover his inner child. Mr. Wilson has every right to want a kid-free house, but his wishes are always overruled by his doting wife and Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell. I hate how he's automatically portrayed as the bad guy because he refuses to be part of the village to raise the child.

Also, I've met Childfree people who touch more lives than childed people do. While in my clinicals, I cared for a Childfree woman. She had her husband were both elementary school teachers for decades, and had traveled all over the world because they had long vacations that they could enjoy themselves. They loved children, and touched the lives of thousands of children.

cameron_keys
05-13-2007, 08:14 PM
I think you're missing the point here. How can my feelings be "bad" if I'm not imposing them upon anyone else? I haven't said any of those things you are accusing me of saying:

"you'll change your mind"
"you are missing out of the best thing in life..children"
"you'll feel differantly when it's your own"

Truthfully, I hope people don't have kids who don't want them. I think I said that also. I support someone's choice to not have kids and I never assumed that all parents just jump into responsibility mode when they get pregnant. I was giving my personal perspective and sharing my own experiences. You seem to think I am saying everyone else has to feel that way but I'm not.
I will stand behind the fact that it is sad to me that some people won't know the love I feel. How am I judging you or saying that you should have kids? All I am saying is that I know the positive things that you are missing and I feel grateful that I don't have to go without. If you feel as though I'm being insensitive then I'm sorry - I am just really happy with my choice, although that doesn't meant I think I am better than you.

I didnt say YOU said all these things ..I said that the childfree are barraged with them.

I'm not going to continue explaining...I'm obviously not making my point understood.


I will say (to nobody in particular just to be clear)that this thread was to explain why those of us who are child free by choice MADE such a choice. The OP specifically asked that people not make a flaming issue of it, and yet some parents felt the need anyway to throw their 2 cents in. They had to say how we are missing out, had to say how great their kids were and so forth.Why? Nobody said your kids werent wonderful..hell your(again.,.nobody in particular) kid could be the freakin' second coming and it DOESNT MATTER in THIS thread. That isnt what this thread was about.
There have been a million "isnt my baby cute" and "kids are great" threads..and I dont remember anyone throwing in posts that were anti-child. So why did some feel the need to post in this thread????

AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 08:24 PM
So even when parents AGREE with you, they are not allowed to post here? Wow.

Paintbaby
05-13-2007, 08:24 PM
The love for a child is not better or stronger than that for any other love object. Pure love is pure love, whether it is for a family member, pet, or dear friend. I think what has happened over the past few years is the fetishization of motherhood and children in general, which has led to this false assumption. Truth is, parenthood is a lifestyle choice, just as childfree is a lifestyle choice. And mothers certainly don't have the market cornered on love. This is something else I get really tired of--the old argument that you don't realllly know what love is until you have TEH BAYBEE. Enough, already. ::)

No need to feel sorry for me for not having babies--although I do tend to feel bad that not everyone will get to stand in front of a canvas, and create something really beautiful and then sell it for thousands of dollars to make someone feel very happy---like I do. That is a really, really special feeling and I really feel badly that most of you will never get to do that. What---everyone doesn't want to be an artist??? But WHY???? You all must hate art!;)

AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 08:31 PM
Thanks for putting more words in my mouth. ^^ I never said that you should have kids or that you hate kids for not having them. I can't understand why I am being criticized for having personal feelings about the situation.
If anyone wants to think in black and white here and say that my feelings are wrong or that I have imposed them upon ANYONE ELSE AT ALL then feel free. I hope it supports your arguments and makes you feel validated.

Lola Rose
05-13-2007, 08:47 PM
I suppose I'm more ChildLess then childfree as well..... G-d had other plans for me I guess. I don't see them, but I'm looking!

cameron_keys
05-13-2007, 08:54 PM
I can't understand why I am being criticized for having personal feelings about the situation.


Because this thread was intended for people to share why they are child free by choice. If you are NOT child free...what was your point for posting here?

Whatever your true intentions were...do you not get how you come across??? Yes you say you agree...BUT....theres still that but. BUT you thought you might not want kids too until you got pregnant...BUT you are "sad" that some of us will never feel what you feel, etc...etc...

Why post in a thread that was not about you?? And not just to say that you agree...to say you agree...BUT...


And hey...if you want to have kids and are ok with your body being destroyed by stretch marks and sagging tits, every penny you have extra from now on going to that kid, never having tim to yourself..not sleeping for months, going from your own identity to MOM. etc...etc...thats fine. i totally think you should. I however will for the restof my life be able to do what I want when i want..never have to censor myself at home, have my husband all to myself without having to share him for the rest of our lives, sleep in every day if i want to.....I think it's sad that some people miss out on that.

But thats just my personal feelings and hey..i even agreed with you...so you couldnt possibly be insulted or offfended by any of that right..???



Understand now?

AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 09:11 PM
I hope that one day you can get over the fact that I "invaded" your thread because I can't imagine why I have to explain my presence here. If you are still offended by my feelings when I haven't imposed them upon you, then I can't be held responsible.

cameron_keys
05-13-2007, 09:24 PM
I give up.

AlexxaHex
05-13-2007, 09:26 PM
Good choice.

cameron_keys
05-13-2007, 09:28 PM
No kidding...I'm tired of banging my head into the wall....

Paintbaby
05-13-2007, 09:35 PM
Thanks for putting more words in my mouth. ^^ I never said that you should have kids or that you hate kids for not having them. I can't understand why I am being criticized for having personal feelings about the situation.
If anyone wants to think in black and white here and say that my feelings are wrong or that I have imposed them upon ANYONE ELSE AT ALL then feel free. I hope it supports your arguments and makes you feel validated.

Not trying to put words in your mouth, Alexxa. But your tone about feeling "bad" for those of us who are childfree was a bit condescending.::) You are certainly entitled to feel joyful about your choices--but don't feel bad for us for ours. We don't need pity---no need to feel bad for those of us who choose to be childfree--it is a decision that makes us happy. You are entitled to your personal feelings as much as anyone, but don't assume that we don't know big love in our lives just because we don't have children. That is what I understood your post to mean, and it just ain't true! :D

PaigeDWinter
05-13-2007, 09:48 PM
Moo stands for Mother Obsessed With Offspring. It's referring to mothers who are so ga-ga over their own children they can't see past their entitlement. I think it's fitting when used in the proper structure.

I'm sure you knew it actually had nothing to do with cows.

I guess it depends on which childfree folks you ask then. Some are all about using it to compare mothers to cows.

aviendha
05-13-2007, 10:20 PM
I have the supreme privilege of being both childless and childfree. I went through (extremely) premature menopause and quite frankly, I couldn't be happier. If it hadn't happened I would have gotten my tubes tied by now.

The thing about being "heartbroken" that we "can't or won't experience the pure joy and love of a child" is that I don't feel love OR joy toward children, except perhaps for the occasional, "Oh, isn't that cute?" when there's a particularly cute baby in the grocery line. I'm sure that's pretty typical of most childfree people.

No one would suggest that a person, stating that they don't want a dog, should go adopt one because "it's different when it's yours". Or even to order a particular meal at a restaurant when they've already made it clear it isn't what they want. Why, then, does it make sense to parents (and it's always parents, never childless people, who do this) to say, "Oh, you don't want kids? Well, you should have one anyway."

Seriously. If there were a Top Ten list of worst suggestions in the world, that one would probably be #1, considering the extensive negative impact of a poor parent/child relationship has on MULTIPLE generations--not only the parent and probably the grandparent, but the child and the child's children and grandchildren. One would think that people would want to avoid that possibility at all costs, but no, not these "Everyone should have kids!" parents.

It's just extraordinarily stupid. Personally, I have other goals in life. I want to own my own property, travel, sleep late on weekends, enjoy my hobbies and make the most out of my career. That's what I want. I also want to die having never changed a diaper, cleaned up spit-up, removed crayon from a wall, removed a screaming child from a place of business, or dealt with a moody teenager.

I have thought about contributing to the college educations of the children of some friends who have them--I think that's important and I know from personal experience that any leg up you can get while you're young can be a huge advantage as a young adult. I know I'll have the income to do it and I think it'd be a good way to pass on my own hypothetical good fortune to those people I think deserve it.

Dottie Rebel
05-13-2007, 10:44 PM
Mainstream lifestyle choices are worse than sacred--they are invisible. They have the privilege of being assumed. Like heterosexuality, whiteness and maleness are all assumed, to an extent. Like, if a man and a woman kiss in a television show, is it considered to be a heterosexual show, making a political statement about relationships? No, it's just a show. It's not saying anything political. (It is, of course, saying a lot.)

A thread about one's children or parenthood is not considered a political thread in which everyone feels the need to put in their two cents about the lifestyle choice represented. But a thread about making the decision to not have children IS a political thread?

A thread about dinner is not political, right? Folks will just post what they had for dinner. Vegetarians will not respond with "You had chicken for dinner? I am opposed to eating meat." Why on earth would anyone argue? It's just dinner, right? But let a vegetarian post some alternate protein sources they like to eat. Someone will promptly reply that humans weren't meant to live on grains and legumes.

That fact is that it's ALL political. Reproduction and food are both highly political topics. There is a political element to just about everything we discuss on this site, but somehow threads don't generally take that direction when the OP represents the invisible majority.

TigersMilk
05-13-2007, 10:52 PM
Well the majority of the threads arent suppose to be PPooish because thats what Political Poo was for until it got closed down.

Im all for people who believe what they want as long as they arent hurting anybody.

Sunshine73
05-14-2007, 12:14 AM
And hey...if you want to have kids and are ok with your body being destroyed by stretch marks and sagging tits, every penny you have extra from now on going to that kid, never having tim to yourself..not sleeping for months, going from your own identity to MOM. etc...etc..





Actually, these are popular misconceptions. A lot of women don't get stretch marks or sagging tits. If you are good with money you'll still have money to spend on things other than your child. If you're good with time & planning you can still have some free time to yourself & get some sleep... and while your child adds a whole new dimension to your life, you certainly don't lose your own identity.

Someone else on here said something along the lines of motherhood not being rewarding. Speaking from personal experience, bringing my baby into this world and giving him my love and respect has had HUGE rewards. HUGE. I understand the important role he has in my life, and I know that my life would not be as happy as it is if he had not come into this world.

I just want to clarify...It ain't all gloom and doom! :)

I'm not trying to make you change your minds about having kids...I mean, if you don't want them and it is not for you, certainly don't have them. It is not for everyone. Everybody is different. Every life is different. What may be great for me may not be great for someone else. What may be great for you may not be great for me. I don't judge you guys at all for choosing to have a child free life. I respect you for it.

That said, I also have respect for people who do have kids, whether they are planned or unplanned. As long as they try to be the best parents they can be and they treat their kids with the love and respect they deserve, then it's all good.

Now as for those people who don't want kids and have them for the wrong reasons and they make poor choices on their kids' behalf and they treat their children like crap...well...what can I say. They are losers and I pray for their kids.

Dottie Rebel
05-14-2007, 12:30 AM
^^^Cameron was not saying that motherhood is all doom and gloom. Those statements you quoted were used to make a point. They are the equivalent of saying, "Motherhood is a superior type of love and I pity you if you're never able to feel it." It's the other side of that coin.

christian211
05-14-2007, 12:31 AM
Actually, these are popular misconceptions. A lot of women don't get stretch marks or sagging tits. If you are good with money you'll still have money to spend on things other than your child. If you're good with time & planning you can still have some free time to yourself & get some sleep... and while your child adds a whole new dimension to your life, you certainly don't lose your own identity.

Someone else on here said something along the lines of motherhood not being rewarding. Speaking from personal experience, bringing my baby into this world and giving him my love and respect has had HUGE rewards. HUGE. I understand the important role he has in my life, and I know that my life would not be as happy as it is if he had not come into this world.

I just want to clarify...It ain't all gloom and doom! :)

I'm not trying to make you change your minds about having kids...I mean, if you don't want them and it is not for you, certainly don't have them. It is not for everyone. Everybody is different. Every life is different. What may be great for me may not be great for someone else. What may be great for you may not be great for me. I don't judge you guys at all for choosing to have a child free life. I respect you for it.

That said, I also have respect for people who do have kids, whether they are planned or unplanned. As long as they try to be the best parents they can be and they treat their kids with the love and respect they deserve, then it's all good.

Now as for those people who don't want kids and have them for the wrong reasons and they make poor choices on their kids' behalf and they treat their children like crap...well...what can I say. They are losers and I pray for their kids.

Yeah, no stetch marks and saggy tits here, after 2 babies, even though I've seen 'em on non kid having people plenty. If you watch yourself and have decent genes, it shouldn't be a problem.

Alexxa- much better put your argument than I ever could. I understand your point even though your kid isn't here yet;D

kb52420
05-14-2007, 12:36 AM
At this stage in my life, I do not want children and do not see me ever wanting them.

I'm not entirely sure why. I just don't like kids, and I really dislike babies. They irritate me, and I'm far too lazy and selfish and unorganised to donate such a huge part of my life to someone else. I have far too much I want to accomplish in my life and children do not fit into that plan at all.




I used to act and say the EXACT same thing. I still don't want kids. I hate kids. babies especially. they scream and poop and throw up and they can't communicate efficiently. However, when I *accidentally* got pregnant, I thought, well, this is just freaking FABULOUS, isn't it?!? I hated being pregnant. I would never want to get pregnant ever again. There's some ppl who are like I love being pregnant!!! NOPE, not me! I was oiling, moisturizing, cocoa/ shea buttering, lotioning, & slathering like there was no tomorrow. and I still have a FEW stretch marks on my boobs, but they're on the underside where they're not as noticeable as if they were on the side or top.

and even though I spent endless nights and mornings with my head in a toilet or a similar vicinity (aka whatever was available) and I couldn't paint my toenails or shave for 3 months, or get a decent nights sleep for a month and a half, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for MY child.

I don't care if I get poo'd on, cause it's MY poo. And I don't care if I get puked on cause it's MY puke. The screaming gets annoying sometimes, but I'm lucky cause my baby doesn't have colic and is generally a quiet child. It's like, I STILL totally hate kids/ babies. But MY kid's MY kid and it's different when it's yours. Cause you're all like "Wow. You came out of one little eensie weensie cell and now you have eyes and ears and ten little fingers and toes. And I am so fucking lucky that I got you.:'( Wow. one cell and you used to be inside of me and now I get to see you grow every day. God has truly blessed me."

I think that in my case, God gave mee my baby girl to kinda say "Yo, dude, it's crunchtime, you need to quit fuckin' your life off and get to business.". I am not going to have ANY MORE KIDS, EITHER!!!! To me, there's just no sense in having a slew of kids. But that's just me. JUST ME!!! I'm going in for a tubal ligatoin on the 7th of june (HALLELUJIAH!!!!) So then I have no more worries about that. I had a girl, I did my part to repopulate!

Sunshine73
05-14-2007, 12:47 AM
^^^Cameron was not saying that motherhood is all doom and gloom. Those statements you quoted were used to make a point. They are the equivalent of saying, "Motherhood is a superior type of love and I pity you if you're never able to feel it." It's the other side of that coin.

Ooooops, sorry, I goofed. :) Sorry about that. Back to our regular program lol...

Dottie Rebel
05-14-2007, 12:56 AM
Seriously, can we NOT have any more of the "I used to be like you--then I grew up and learned what real love is."

I'm sorry, kb, but it seems you need to read the thread and think about where your comments fit in. Nowhere.

Paintbaby
05-14-2007, 12:58 AM
May I interject something that might interest you?

I used to act and say the EXACT same thing. I still don't want kids. I hate kids. babies especially. they scream and poop and throw up and they can't communicate efficiently. However, when I *accidentally* got pregnant, I thought, well, this is just freaking FABULOUS, isn't it?!? I hated being pregnant. I would never want to get pregnant ever again. There's some ppl who are like I love being pregnant!!! NOPE, not me! I was oiling, moisturizing, cocoa buttering, lotioning, & slathering like there was no tomorrow. and I still have a FEW stretch marks on my boobs, but they're on the underside where they're not as noticeable as if they were on the side or top.

and even though I spent endless nights and mornings with my head in a toilet or a similar vicinity (aka whatever was available) and I couldn't paint my toenails or shave for 3 months, or get a decent nights sleep for a month and a half, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for MY child.

I don't care if I get poo'd on, cause it's MY poo. And I don't care if I get puked on cause it's MY puke. The screaming gets annoying sometimes, but I'm lucky cause my baby doesn't have colic and is generally a quiet child. It's like, I STILL totally hate kids/ babies. But MY kid's MY kid and it's different when it's yours. Cause you're all like "Wow. You came out of one little eensie weensie cell and now you have eyes and ears and ten little fingers and toes. And I am so fucking lucky that I got you.:'( Wow. one cell and you used to be inside of me and now I get to see you grow every day. God has truly blessed me."

And to think, I was going to get an abortion. It's wierd how things pan out. I guess God works in mysterious ways.

Well, how nice for you. But not one word of what you said is of any interest to those who have chosen to be childfree, which is the focus of this thread. In fact, I counted many bingos in your post that get directed at childfree folk everyday. We've heard it all before.

This thread was interesting when it was on topic.

AlexxaHex
05-14-2007, 01:26 AM
I used to act and say the EXACT same thing. I still don't want kids. I hate kids. babies especially. they scream and poop and throw up and they can't communicate efficiently. However, when I *accidentally* got pregnant, I thought, well, this is just freaking FABULOUS, isn't it?!? I hated being pregnant. I would never want to get pregnant ever again. There's some ppl who are like I love being pregnant!!! NOPE, not me! I was oiling, moisturizing, cocoa/ shea buttering, lotioning, & slathering like there was no tomorrow. and I still have a FEW stretch marks on my boobs, but they're on the underside where they're not as noticeable as if they were on the side or top.

and even though I spent endless nights and mornings with my head in a toilet or a similar vicinity (aka whatever was available) and I couldn't paint my toenails or shave for 3 months, or get a decent nights sleep for a month and a half, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for MY child.

I don't care if I get poo'd on, cause it's MY poo. And I don't care if I get puked on cause it's MY puke. The screaming gets annoying sometimes, but I'm lucky cause my baby doesn't have colic and is generally a quiet child. It's like, I STILL totally hate kids/ babies. But MY kid's MY kid and it's different when it's yours. Cause you're all like "Wow. You came out of one little eensie weensie cell and now you have eyes and ears and ten little fingers and toes. And I am so fucking lucky that I got you.:'( Wow. one cell and you used to be inside of me and now I get to see you grow every day. God has truly blessed me."

I think that in my case, God gave mee my baby girl to kinda say "Yo, dude, it's crunchtime, you need to quit fuckin' your life off and get to business.". I am not going to have ANY MORE KIDS, EITHER!!!! To me, there's just no sense in having a slew of kids. But that's just me. JUST ME!!! I'm going in for a tubal ligatoin on the 7th of june (HALLELUJIAH!!!!) So then I have no more worries about that. I had a girl, I did my part to repopulate!

I am even more sad that those who have chosen to disagree with what I wrote can't see the difference in tone between my post and this one.
I too think this post doesn't belong here, because it doesn't really add to anything relevant to the topic. My entire purpose in posting got skewed in your perspectives because the childless think I was trying to throw a pity party like this person was here. I still offer my support and respect to those who are making smart and educated decisions about whether or not to have kids. The love I feel for my daughter is not the same kind of love you feel for a painting. Not even close. They may be of the same magnitude, just not the same ballpark. And I am an artist so I would understand. You can't compare the two...they are just different paths we take in life - different kinds of love you can feel. Is mine better than yours? No. And I never tried to say that. I just said it is profound and those of you who don't have kids will never experience it. I don't see how you can argue with that.

Bridgette
05-14-2007, 01:34 AM
I hope that one day you can get over the fact that I "invaded" your thread because I can't imagine why I have to explain my presence here. If you are still offended by my feelings when I haven't imposed them upon you, then I can't be held responsible.Clearly, you are missing the whole forest due to staring way-too-intently at one tree. Figuratively speaking. This seems to be a pattern with you :-\

Lysondra
05-14-2007, 01:42 AM
I used to act and say the EXACT same thing. I still don't want kids. I hate kids. babies especially. they scream and poop and throw up and they can't communicate efficiently. However, when I *accidentally* got pregnant, I thought, well, this is just freaking FABULOUS, isn't it?!? I hated being pregnant. I would never want to get pregnant ever again. There's some ppl who are like I love being pregnant!!! NOPE, not me! I was oiling, moisturizing, cocoa/ shea buttering, lotioning, & slathering like there was no tomorrow. and I still have a FEW stretch marks on my boobs, but they're on the underside where they're not as noticeable as if they were on the side or top.

and even though I spent endless nights and mornings with my head in a toilet or a similar vicinity (aka whatever was available) and I couldn't paint my toenails or shave for 3 months, or get a decent nights sleep for a month and a half, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for MY child.

I don't care if I get poo'd on, cause it's MY poo. And I don't care if I get puked on cause it's MY puke. The screaming gets annoying sometimes, but I'm lucky cause my baby doesn't have colic and is generally a quiet child. It's like, I STILL totally hate kids/ babies. But MY kid's MY kid and it's different when it's yours. Cause you're all like "Wow. You came out of one little eensie weensie cell and now you have eyes and ears and ten little fingers and toes. And I am so fucking lucky that I got you.:'( Wow. one cell and you used to be inside of me and now I get to see you grow every day. God has truly blessed me."

I think that in my case, God gave mee my baby girl to kinda say "Yo, dude, it's crunchtime, you need to quit fuckin' your life off and get to business.". I am not going to have ANY MORE KIDS, EITHER!!!! To me, there's just no sense in having a slew of kids. But that's just me. JUST ME!!! I'm going in for a tubal ligatoin on the 7th of june (HALLELUJIAH!!!!) So then I have no more worries about that. I had a girl, I did my part to repopulate!

One Word:

AGGGGGERRRHRHHHHHHFGGGGHHH!H!H!!!

AlexxaHex
05-14-2007, 01:48 AM
I hope that one day you can get over the fact that I "invaded" your thread because I can't imagine why I have to explain my presence here. If you are still offended by my feelings when I haven't imposed them upon you, then I can't be held responsible.


Clearly, you are missing the whole forest due to staring way-too-intently at one tree. Figuratively speaking. This seems to be a pattern with you :-\

I don't see the connection here. Care to elaborate?

Darcy Foxx
05-14-2007, 03:40 AM
I used to act and say the EXACT same thing. I still don't want kids. I hate kids. babies especially. they scream and poop and throw up and they can't communicate efficiently.

dont care dont care dont care. argh. that is the thing EVERYONE says to me and it shits me to tears.

"Oh, I used to say that I didn't want kids either, and look at me now!" in a way that implies that oh yes, I will change my mind.

jaizaine
05-14-2007, 04:04 AM
I havent had a chance to read this thread for a while and I am so disappointed that the original purpose of the thread could not be respected.

DylanAngel
05-14-2007, 04:22 AM
I havent had a chance to read this thread for a while and I am so disappointed that the original purpose of the thread could not be respected.

Quoted for truth. I took this as a thread for people to vent about societal (and in my case familial) pressure to have a child when you truly don't want one.

To the moms who posted in here, I can identify with you because I am a mom, but you have no idea what it's like to have to explain yourself over and over again because you don't want to bear children (or in my case, any more children).

They're not saying that your kids aren't cute or that motherhood is not a blessed thing. They weren't really talking about you or your choices at all. They were talking about their perceived LACK of choices when they decide NOT to have kids.

Things were posted (especially LM's famous "fucktrophy") out of frustration, not out of hatred for your particular offspring. I see that now, and I wonder why the mommies can't.

Yes, it can be considered offensive, but give these women (and me to a certain extent) a break. You can't speak for those who feel this pressure and have to endure the snide remarks IRL.

Take it from this mom, ladies. Not all of us disagree with you. If I had it to do over again, I might have thought differently. Doesn't mean I don't love my child or mourn the one who's gone, but damn, life would've been so much easier.

As for my current choice to not breed an "heir", I side with the childfree. It's MY body, MY choice and MY life. No amount of love for my fiance or pressure from society is going to change my mind. NONE.

jaizaine
05-14-2007, 04:34 AM
^^^
thank-you I think it makes an even better point when a woman who has had children posts and can still see the purpose of the thread. really its not so hard to comprehend is it?

Ok one more time for those who just didn't get it.

My reasons for not wanting children (at this stage and yes I may well change my mind):

- I am emotionally unstable and pregnancy could cause me to become even more so

- I cannot take anti-depressants if I am pregnant and I am unfortunately reliant on them for my own sanity

- I cannot possibly be responsible for another human being because I struggly to even be responsible for myself

- I like my life the way it is

- I do not feel maternal whatsoever

- I would rather not be a mother than be a half-arsed mother. I don't hate kids. I dont enjoy kids at all but I believe that as children do not choose to be born they do NOT deserve to be born to a mother who will not be there for them 100%

- I totally 100% respect women who do have children and do a good job of raising them

- I also totally 100% respect women who do not have children and they should never feel the need to justify this decision to anyone - it is not selfish, it is selfless.

Lysondra
05-14-2007, 04:36 AM
Things were posted (especially LM's famous "fucktrophy") out of frustration, not out of hatred for your particular offspring. I see that now, and I wonder why the mommies can't.


Thank you so much! :hug: I was starting to feel like nobody understood why I said it, even though I -said- I said it out of frustration and even apologized. :(

Thank you for understanding. It means a lot to me.

burnedrose
05-14-2007, 04:46 AM
Read the first paragraph of my opening post. It said to please refrain from this stuff. I am not mama-bashing, I am asking about who is childfree.

You are doing the exact same thing that you are blaming others of doing.

Edit: All right, you did acknowledge it. However, you are still being an entitlemoo. I am sorry that you feel excluded by others because you are a parent. However, some of us feel excluded by others because they find it strange that we don't want children. I have come to accept my Childfreedom, and want others to know that there is nothing wrong with not having kids.

I'm not bashing your decision to have kids, am I? No. It's your business, just like it's my business not to have kids. Would you take offense if I said something like, "You're chained down. Give your kids to the orphan train so you can enjoy life," would you take offense? It's the mirror image of you criticizing my choices.

No offense, but this is why I dont identify myself as childfree publicly most of the time. I didnt see her acting like an entitlemoo, but just because a mother comes in here and mentions her viewpoint, she is automatically referred to as a Moo.

As a matter of fact, most of the other childfree people on here mentioned that these mothers were "bingoing" them. For crying outloud - they arent bingoing anyone! They are simply expressing thier own opinions and ideas on the matter. They arent forcing semen into our vaginas and asking us to reproduce! Sure, the OP may have say that this is a childfree only board...but seriously? Does it REALLY offend some of you so much to see words on a screen that a *gasp* parent typed???

Its the internet - calm down and enjoy other people's opinions! :D

Hatshepsut
05-14-2007, 05:17 AM
Please Refer To The First Paragraph In My Original Post!!!

Hatshepsut
05-14-2007, 05:19 AM
No offense, but this is why I dont identify myself as childfree publicly most of the time. I didnt see her acting like an entitlemoo, but just because a mother comes in here and mentions her viewpoint, she is automatically referred to as a Moo.

As a matter of fact, most of the other childfree people on here mentioned that these mothers were "bingoing" them. For crying outloud - they arent bingoing anyone! They are simply expressing thier own opinions and ideas on the matter. They arent forcing semen into our vaginas and asking us to reproduce! Sure, the OP may have say that this is a childfree only board...but seriously? Does it REALLY offend some of you so much to see words on a screen that a *gasp* parent typed???

Its the internet - calm down and enjoy other people's opinions! :D
Christian repeatedly posted her unsolicited opinions, blatantly ignoring the opening paragraph, as are others. She did not talk of her choice to be Childfree or even Childed, she automatically made herlself a victim and used it as an excuse to insult others. She took everything as a personal insult, and totally misinterpreted everything as a personal insult. SHe even admitted that she posted because "She was mad about the fucktrophy comment." See? She even admitted that her lashout posts didn't hae to do with this, as nobody had said anything about fucktrophies at the point. She assumed that she was being attacked, and felt perfectly entitled to shit on us. I'd like to emphasize that she did this REPEATEDLY. I did not automatically label her as an entitlemoo, I did it after she failed to learn or even acknowledge that she was annoying, condescending, and a pot calling the kettle black, namely by blaming others of snobbery and elitism. I am not begrudging her for being a mother, I am mad because she's intolerant, judgmental, illogical, and feels perfectly entitled to be all the above. Entitlemoo is one of the many words for entitlement-minded people. People who find it all right to tell me that I'm going to hell are called Biblethumpers, etc.

Mastridonicus
05-14-2007, 05:22 AM
I had my panties all up in a wad over this too (if you saw them, you'd say "Wow, you can get those in a wad?" And I'd say "Yes, over on 5th street for a small fee") but then I saw EYEBALLS, BEING REMOVED WITH A SPOON...

And everything is O.K. now.

Hatshepsut
05-14-2007, 05:24 AM
To the parents who find it necessary to post on this Childfree thread about how offensive we are: all right, can you find me a thread that was started by a parent that got flamed by Childfree people? I'm not talking about LatinaRose's thread. That was started by a Childfree person complaining that she was being left behind, but got convoluted into a parenting thread and "Fucktrophy? My darling baby isn't a fucktrophy!" even though it was not directed at anyone. Give me a thread that was supposed to be about loving your kids or something, and was condescendingl, REPEATEDLY, trashbombed by threadjacks that had nothing to do with the original subject.

I'd like to think that most of the Childfree people on this board are aware that if they posted a thread on Childfreedom in a thread entitled, "I love my Children," then we'd be greeted with an angry response because it is not our domain. However, I think that because you mothers are the mainstream (it's assumed that people are going to have kids), you don't know what is offensive to others. It's very clear what is offensive to parents, and those offenses are made taboo. Howeer, we're not so well known.

Lysondra
05-14-2007, 05:24 AM
ugh.. that's where my panties went...

Mastridonicus
05-14-2007, 05:29 AM
By the way, I was totally joking.

I have this mutant ability to read people's writing and when they are aggressively telling me I should consider something, to not take it personally and read it for what it is, their opinion pointed at me.

When I am offended, it's only when people do this to people who don't have this mutant power....but even then, I realize....I can walk away, come back, and still respond with a respectable reply in a form of sharing, not enforcing.

They tried to cast me in Heroes.....just didn't really have a story for me....

"Try all you want, I don't get angry"
"We'll see"
"He's serious, I spoke with him for hours"