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Hatshepsut
05-27-2007, 02:01 PM
I just read something and every single point described him so perfectly that it scared the shit out of me...

ETA: That was scary too Aine.

he keeps telling me it's all me dammit! "I" am the one who doesn't want it enough! It's all "My" fault!
Want more "I can relate" orgasms? read the Heartless Bitches link I sent you. In fact, Aine's post was from HBI.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 02:04 PM
What's more, his behaviour is rubbing off on me! I wasn't like this before, but he's turning me into a helpless version of himself!!!! Even my parents say that this isn't me, and we're super close!

Lena
05-27-2007, 02:04 PM
Family violence prevention advocates often advise women leaving their abusers to leave copies of documents that could prove to be valuble in court with friends and family members---in a sealed envelope is fine. Also, the more people in her circle who know about this situation, the better, if she decides to leave this marriage. He is an emotional abuser, obviously, and it could escalate to physical. Controllers tend to freak out when thier object of control is no longer under their control. Plus, Corsica has nothing to be ashamed of here, and thus nohting to hide. If she decides to leave, then she will need support from her family and friends.

100% agreed. CF, other people need to know what's going on here, just for your own safety. They don't need details, obviously, but they should know what's going on in case he gets violent. It doesn't have to be family/friends, it could be a women's shelter or the police.

madmaxine
05-27-2007, 02:06 PM
What's more, his behaviour is rubbing off on me! I wasn't like this before, but he's turning me into a helpless version of himself!!!! Even my parents say that this isn't me, and we're super close!

That's true. Almost four years of fighting with a guy like R didn't make me a better person.

But whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

Aine
05-27-2007, 02:06 PM
Corisca, thats because he takes no responsibility for his actions or the things he has done that have contributed to things being where they are now. Its NOT ALL YOU, it's NOT all your fault!! And reading what you found and reading what I put to you scared the shit out of you... why... because it put in words and described exactly what is your going through! Emotional abuse is REAL, and very well documented, and it's only scary because it nailed it to a "T". Don't take it as something to fear, take it as VALIDATION that the things your going through and what you are feeling is VERY real and your NOT crazy!! Emotional abusers, no matter who they are, all use the same MO, thats the only thing that never seems to change. They all follow the same patterns and ways of keeping and controlling people and things as they see fit. Read more, search and read read read. Thats what it took for me to finally get up the guts to walk away from what I was in the middle of and to see it for what it was. And trust me, it scared me too at the start. But I found me again, and I found a strength I never knew I had and my life is sooooooooooo much better now because of it!!

Hatshepsut
05-27-2007, 02:11 PM
What's more, his behaviour is rubbing off on me! I wasn't like this before, but he's turning me into a helpless version of himself!!!! Even my parents say that this isn't me, and we're super close!
That happened with my ex. I thought that I was too thin-skinned, so I became callous and mean because I though that I'd be a strong person if i was strong enough to stand up to him. I hated the person I became, even though he loved it more and more.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 02:20 PM
Just like Iexpected, after I stopped responding to stuff almost an hour ago I go to take a peek at my inbox.

THREE emails with nasty, mocking titles. Three. In less than an hour.

Guess I realize why he doesn't like my mom. He says it's because she's a mean person, but really I think it's because she sees him.

Hatshepsut
05-27-2007, 02:25 PM
Guess I realize why he doesn't like my mom. He says it's because she's a mean person, but really I think it's because she sees him.
These kind of people are the biggest threat to manipulators, as manipulators are trying to keep up an image and domain. My friend's father-in-law insists that he is descended from Afghan royalty, and has ended long friendships just because someone pointed out that his physical features and dialect are Pakistani.

Aine
05-27-2007, 02:26 PM
Yep, cause she SEES him, just like the rest of us on here are, so he doesnt like us either! READ more, look up more on Emotional Abuse, to help you see things more clearly and to validate what your feeling and going through. I'd stop responding to his emails at this point. And reading them if you can. Three emails in less than an hour with mocking titles isn't resolution, it's a tantrum. Let him do his tantrums on his own!

blondi553
05-27-2007, 02:54 PM
awwww CF this sucks! i remember the last time this whole spying thing happened to you last year or so......i cant believe it all started with a mis-guided e-mail! but maybe this shows his true colors! im sooooo sorry!

Paris
05-27-2007, 03:01 PM
He's scaring me; I don't know who this person who has taken over R's body is! WTF?

PB, he says that THIS (thread)is talking shit about him.

If he is scaring you, then you are seeing what the future of your relationship with him might be like.

Watch the old movie "Sleeping with the Enemy" Starring Julia Roberts. She fakes her own death to get away from her husband. That is how bad it got for her.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 03:07 PM
Well, after I didn't respond to his first 3 posts in 30 minutes, he wrote 3 more with nasty titles in the next 30 minutes!

Six emails in 1 hour.....oy. He tried to tell me the emotional manipulator is me, but as I read his emails, I could pick out every behavior in that article...

AlexxaHex
05-27-2007, 03:26 PM
Arghhh....I totally hope you're going to do what's best for you in this situation. Although I know you will because you're a strong person, CF. I don't have any other advice than what's been mentioned here. Just offering my support and letting you know I've been there. It doesn't get any better when you're in it, but it sure gets better when you leave!
:hug:

stripperMBA
05-27-2007, 03:29 PM
How faithful has your husband been? Usually when an accusation like that pops up out of the blue it is because the accuser is the one who has been cheating.
:yes: :yes:
I have to agree with this one. And even if not What is his motivation?? The attention he gets from the abuse he delivers. I think for your safety you need to go somewhere safe while he in one of his moods. Be sure to let your friend and family know the situation, and his behavior can escalate. We all see it on the news everyday where some ex goes crazy and kills people.

gingerlee
05-27-2007, 03:33 PM
Awww Corsica, I feel really bad that this is happening to you. You don't deserve it at all. :hug:

Paris
05-27-2007, 03:35 PM
Well, after I didn't respond to his first 3 posts in 30 minutes, he wrote 3 more with nasty titles in the next 30 minutes!

Six emails in 1 hour.....oy. He tried to tell me the emotional manipulator is me, but as I read his emails, I could pick out every behavior in that article...

Block him. He'll just get a bounced back email. I've done that temporarily with people trying to upset me.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 03:38 PM
Now he's starting with voicemail.

Whenever I'm ready to come talk to him about how I plan to fix this mess I created, I'm supposed to let him know.

::)

Aine
05-27-2007, 03:45 PM
Okay, so whenever he's ready to OWN UP to the mess he's created and take responsibility for his own actions, he can let you know, and maybe then you can talk.... meantime, turn the phone off and let the voice mails fill up till he can't leave anymore....

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 04:05 PM
I think he got the hint, all contact has stopped. I know if I respond I will just give him control of the situation again And I'll start crying. And have a panic attack, etc.

Kaylinn
05-27-2007, 04:10 PM
Your staying at your parents right? At least for a few days?

If you keep ignoring him, is he gonna show up there?

I'm just worried that if he sees he is losing control of the situation, and that you wont fall for his shit, he will resort to physical abuse.

Deni
05-27-2007, 04:15 PM
:(

Dang, CF. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this kind of stuff again. It's not right.

You know you can call or PM me if you need a shoulder. Just let me know.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 04:16 PM
Your staying at your parents right? At least for a few days?

If you keep ignoring him, is he gonna show up there?

I'm just worried that if he sees he is losing control of the situation, and that you wont fall for his shit, he will resort to physical abuse.

I really doubt he'll show up.

Aine
05-27-2007, 04:22 PM
He might not show up, however, if he does, don't let him in and dont hesitate to call the police if need be.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 04:44 PM
Im emotionally EXHAUSTED.

Blah. Good thing I work the next couple days...

Guenevere
05-27-2007, 04:54 PM
Did you ever think that maybe he is scared and in pain? You two are not getting anywhere by going back and forth. It sounds to me that he is frustrated, hurt and confused and you posting about your personal relationship here, on a public forum, for all to see might be a little aggravating. I'm not in any way saying he's right but you have to understand, when he says things about it being your side of things etc, he is right. Everything that comes out of your mouth is going to be your side, just as everything he see's is his side, it's hard to see the whole picture when you're caught up in the middle. I think others' have made a good point of saying you need a third party, hopefully a marriage counselor, to step in. I may get flamed for this but it doesn't sound like manipulation to me it sounds like bad communication and hurt feelings that have been festering for too long! I don't think that all is lost, unless of course you don't want to be in the relationship anymore. If that's the case you need to make the decision and sever it.

I'm here to support you hun, I just think that posting here is no longer helping, it's time for you two to actually do something about it.

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 05:14 PM
Thanks for your opinion Guen. I am thinking long and hard right now and not sure what the right thing to do for me is, but it's high time I start thinking about myself.

BalletBaby
05-27-2007, 05:15 PM
CF, I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said but I hope everything works out for you:hug:

Lysondra
05-27-2007, 05:25 PM
All this over PHOTOS?

*headdesk*

BrunetteGoddess
05-27-2007, 05:28 PM
I have said my piece and got my feelings out, as well as gotten some great advice from both sides. Thank you and I will be letting this thread die a quiet death.

Any other questions or well wishes can be PM'd. Thanks :)