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Bad_Wolf
08-20-2014, 01:05 AM
Dancer: Daddy does this dress make me look fat?

Flaming Gay House Dad: Honey*sweet voice*, I'm going to tell you what I said to my ex wife Judy when she used to ask me if something made her look fat. "Baby, it's not the dress that makes you fat it's all that mothaf---in fat that makes you fat" Now get out on the floor bitch so you can make my money for our 2 for 1 Jenny Craig membership!!

Me: Your ex wife should have known right then and there that you were a closet case

Flaming Gay House Dad: I know right? Dumb Bitch.


*DJ starts playing really good tech house mix*

Flaming Gay House Dad on the radio: Does anyone know if the DJ is gay?? I haven't been this horny since I was 185 lbs. at the gay bars listening to this !!


*Housedad walks in*

"It's so nice to see all my beautiful ladies in so early. Good thing all the f---ing dogs stayed home to snort their cocaine!!"

One day I am going to make a "Shit the Housedad says" Video.

I officially want a flaming gay house dad. Please please please.

skripper
08-20-2014, 01:17 AM
"I'ma get me some DICK tonight! My man's outta jail and I'm gonna pick him up and treat him like a woman should. I'm not gonna wear any panties, and I'm gonna let him drive, and I'm gonna fuck him the whole ride home!"
A discussion on his probation and whether her actions would endanger them or just inflame their romance commenced.

Also:
"I dunno. I need to work and I meant to more this week, but I just discovered Instagram and that shit's like crack..." *takes selfie*

I think I was the one who said that..fresh outta jail dick is the best dick, in case ya didn't know!!

lisbth
08-22-2014, 09:17 PM
New here but I've been dancing a year. Best things overheard so far:
From a drunk stripper: "He keeps telling me I can't drink but fuck him! He's just mad because he saw me hit the bouncer's car last week."

Different dancer: "Sometimes I don't want to go to court but then I think 'I'm too pretty for jail'."

Dancer3: "What's this?"
Me: "Hummus"
Dancer3: "Is it food?"

Dancer4: "My boyfriend's so cute, he puts my coke in little superman baggies!"

Mahliaaaa
08-23-2014, 07:16 AM
Well I felt the need to share this gem

*drunk stripper sleeping on dressing room counter wakes up* "WHO THE F*** CRAPPED IN THE TOILET AND DIDNT FLUSH, IM A *throws up* IM A LADY"

She then proceeds to clean the vomit off of the floor and goes back to sleep

KariSwitch
08-26-2014, 01:10 PM
Two nights ago, a new girl said the following:

"Anyone see the cute 19 year I was dancing for? He was so cute and nice, but I feel bad for him. I think he has ED. Right before the start of the third song he paid for, he lost his hardon and didn't get it back through the third song. I feel bad for him having that problem so young"

I didn't have the heart to tell her what I expect really happened to him... However, another girl did and her take was:

"Really. Are you Serious? Do you really think he has a f-ing problem with his junk at a young age?" New girl shakes her head Yes. Other girl - "Stupid bitch, you got him off". Look of horror on new girl's face...

tempest666
08-27-2014, 01:16 AM
After work I'm taking a butt selfie. Newer dancer says "I thought you'd left." "I'm playing narcissist." "Is that the new Nicki Minaj? I thought you hated rap?" :banghead:

Adrienne26
08-27-2014, 08:56 AM
Same girl in a 10 minute span talking to another girl:

Dancer: "I scratched my nose with my long nails and it fucked up my nose. People are going to think I have herpes of the nose!"

3 minutes later she is changing into her thong: "I haven't shaved in a few days *pulls her thong out and looks down*, this thing is turning into a growler!"

3 minutes later talking about needing to pay for a speeding ticket: "Girl, I think I'm just going to try to take driver's ed to get this ticket dismissed"...

Nikatrina Fury
08-28-2014, 11:21 AM
That reminds me of an incident at the Seventh Veil last summer... we had this illiterate junkie dumbass there, 22 years old with nine years of stripping experience (yeah, do THAT math). One night a large group of Korean guys came in and they didn't tip her enough, and she barged in the dressing room ranting and raving about "those fucking Chinese assholes out there." She called them Chinese over and over again.

Someone else said, "Actually, I think they're Korean."

"Yeah," I said, "I was talking to them earlier and they are Korean."

She looked at both of us and got pissed off. "What the fuck EVER," she snapped, "It's the same fucking thing, they're still fucking Chinese, I don't give a shit where they came from."

There was a moment of silence and then another dancer casually said as she applied her lipstick, "So you're Mexican, right?"

Homegirl was livid. "HELL NO, FUCK YOU!" she screamed. "I'm ARMENIAN!"

"Whatever," shrugged the one who'd asked the question. "Mexican, Armenian. It's the same thing. You look the same to me."

I can't describe how angry the Armenian dancer got. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she shouted. "Armenia and Mexico don't have ANYTHING in common! We don't even speak the same LANGUAGE! And we definitely don't look alike, LOOK AT ME!" (She was short and swarthy with long dark hair, just like the Latina next to her.)

Everyone in the dressing room immediately picked up on it and agreed that she looked Mexican. For the rest of the night we all called her Mexican and the DJ even played something in Spanish for her next stage set. She was mad as hell but she stopped calling people "Chinese" and switched to "Asian" after that.

This one is great.

ava$
08-28-2014, 12:44 PM
This girl goes "what is it you do again besides dance?"
Reply: " I am an esthetician"
Girl: "Wow, if I did that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night" wide eyed and shaking head.
Reply: "why not?"
Girl: "I just couldn't work on dead people all the time"
Reply: "ummm thats a mortician, an esthetician does skin treatments not work on dead people" LMAO!

ava$
08-28-2014, 12:45 PM
This girl goes "what is it you do again besides dance?"
Reply: " I am an esthetician"
Girl: "Wow, if I did that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night" wide eyed and shaking head.
Reply: "why not?"
Girl: "I just couldn't work on dead people all the time"
Reply: "ummm thats a mortician, an esthetician does skin treatments not work on dead people" LMAO!

SweetJulia
08-28-2014, 06:22 PM
After work I'm taking a butt selfie. Newer dancer says "I thought you'd left." "I'm playing narcissist." "Is that the new Nicki Minaj? I thought you hated rap?" :banghead:

Shit like this is why I stopped using words with more than two syllables at work a month in.

Nikatrina Fury
08-29-2014, 07:03 AM
I almost forgot this one! Girl 1: So, I plan on taking my baby to Thailand with me cause he can't find me there. Plus, I can probably make a lot of money there cause Asians have small boobs. Mine cost $5000. Girl 2: Aren't you Asian? Girl 1: No, I'm Japanese. Haha! That's funny.

Nikatrina Fury
08-29-2014, 07:24 AM
A girl comes in tonight from a club that got shut down recently in our town-

"You guys have no rats?"
Other dancer-"Not that i have seen"
"This is so weird. I havent sucked dick all night. I see no rats. Sometimes you just wanna suck dick and see rats. i cant work here man, fuck this club im out"

*silence*

*I start crunching on my chips* lol

I think she meant hood rats, or extras girls.

Nikatrina Fury
08-29-2014, 08:18 AM
WTF?? Where did she think it came from before that?????

There was an episode about this on Orange is the New Black.

wednesday86
08-30-2014, 10:49 AM
As soon as I walked in the DR last night:
"I was farting on my customer through that whole dance. I hope he didn't notice." LOL!

Adrienne26
09-04-2014, 02:27 PM
Dancer with the curves of a 2x4: "ugh. Kate Upton is so fat and she's like dumb too" :-X

wednesday86
09-04-2014, 08:56 PM
Mentioning that my husband is Filipino when another dancer brings up Asian guys. She replies "Filipino isn't Asian...It's Mexican." /facepalm She didn't believe me until I showed her a picture of him to which she told me "he looks Chinese!" Maybe he looks 'Chinese' because he's....Asian?

ladyambition
09-05-2014, 12:16 AM
Mentioning that my husband is Filipino when another dancer brings up Asian guys. She replies "Filipino isn't Asian...It's Mexican." /facepalm She didn't believe me until I showed her a picture of him to which she told me "he looks Chinese!" Maybe he looks 'Chinese' because he's....Asian?

My sister recently married a man who's family is from the Philippines and even though they look Asian they don't practice a lot of traditional Asian methods. For one they use forks and spoons not chop sticks. Two their foods vastly have a different flair to it. They have a Spanish sounding last name (Ramos) but just like most Hawaiians they consider themselves Pacific Islanders than really Asians.

wednesday86
09-10-2014, 08:19 AM
I live with my Filipino husband and in laws and yes, Filipino culture has Spanish and Portuguese influences resulting in the Spanish sounding last names, Catholicism, food etc. but as the Philippine Islands are located in South east ASIA they are still very much ASIAN. Less than 3% of the population is mixed with Spanish or Portuguese and many Filipinos have Japanese and Chinese roots as well. My husband's great grandparents are Japanese. Culturally my husband is American as he was born and raised in Illinois. He is still Asian. Asian isn't a culture, it's a race.

newb2
09-10-2014, 11:30 AM
My friend was talking about Obama being in the city because of the NATO summit and a blonde dancer goes, "Why is Bin Ladin coming to Cardiff? Isn't he a terrorist??!"

LOL

rareaspasia
09-10-2014, 07:08 PM
Our dancer bathroom is in our dressing room.

Me: Fuck!
Other dancer: What happened?
Me: I had a dollar in my thong and it fell in the toilet while I was peeing. Good thing it's just a dollar. I feel weird flushing money down the toilet, though.
OD: You're going to flush it?
Me: Well, yeah, I don't need it badly enough to fucking fish it out of a piss filled toilet.
OD: If you don't want it, I'll take it.
Me: Seriously? It's pee pee money.
OD: You don't have kids, do you?

She proceeded to use tweezers to get my piss covered dollar out of the toilet, rinsed it off in the sink, and took it home.

Same dancer as above comes up to me and complains that she shouldn't have had so many drinks because this new medication she's taking for bipolar disorder seems to make alcohol affect her a lot more. I tell her I'm bipolar as well and tell her that yes, that's common and that's why I don't drink, and that she should be super careful until she's comfortable with the meds and learns where her new limits are. She then tells me she'll be fine, she's just going to go do a couple of bumps in the bathroom to straighten herself out, and would I like one?

She was fired for selling coke a few weeks later.

Another dancer was talking about fighting with her boyfriend, and how he used to hit her but now it's better because he doesn't hit her, he just chokes her sometimes. Seriously sad.

charlie61
09-11-2014, 05:12 PM
She proceeded to use tweezers to get my piss covered dollar out of the toilet, rinsed it off in the sink, and took it home.


Well, technically urine is sterile...

Still, I definitely wouldn't be one to fish a dollar bill out of a toilet filled with anyone else's pee!

Selina M
09-16-2014, 09:47 PM
Today was full of gems:

"I don't tan. I buy melanin on the black market and inject it into my stomach. It's awesome, I never get blotchy! ... Just really sick."

"Lyme disease? Don't you get that from vegetables?"

fishielicious
09-23-2014, 06:32 PM
Discussing why a cocktail girl got fired for giving a blowjob in the VIP: "Just cause she's a waitress don't mean she need to be waiting on his dick!"

And a follow-up to that: "Not that I haven't done it, but waitresses aren't allowed to."

Selina M
01-03-2015, 06:00 PM
"My man has never hit me, aw hell no. He's choked me out a few times but he would NEVER hit me." In this tone like she's got the upper hand.

Same girl: "He won't stop texting this bitch. Last time he did it I put fiberglass in his laundry. Another time I superglued his dick to his stomach."

No wonder people think strippers all have issues.

lanadelwasted
01-12-2015, 03:39 AM
overheard: "and i was just like....get high or get off the train you know?!? fuck, i'm getting high hahaha"

22lligm
01-12-2015, 03:18 PM
When I got to the club Sat two girls were in an actual heated argument over who loves their cat more..

Not kidding.

NightGoddess
01-12-2015, 06:05 PM
^That's hilarious. I overheard two drunk girls arguing over some pimp that one of the girls "turned straight", and the other kept insisting that he was still fucking around with her.

HoolaTwister
01-13-2015, 04:50 PM
Dancer: "The guy I'm dating won't stop talking about his ex. He got me this bag that he says she owns too. And I should dance at this other place because she used to dance there too. Poor baby, he was traumatized by her!"
Me: "Maybe he's not over her...."
Dancer: "WHATEVA, I don't think so!!!!"

Staci_Likes_Mischief
01-18-2015, 12:26 PM
Well, technically urine is sterile...

Still, I definitely wouldn't be one to fish a dollar bill out of a toilet filled with anyone else's pee!

Not that it matters much in a humor thread, but this is a common misconception. Urine is sterile, but only until it passes out of the body by way of the genitals (as opposed to a catheter or needle). Once it's in the toilet, it's nasty and you're right not to want to fish it out!

Selina M
01-19-2015, 10:31 AM
In reference to another dancer (with very short hair, like a guy): "I'm gonna have to have a chat with Baldilocks over there."

Hahahaha.

Neonsugar
05-22-2015, 01:27 AM
Bumpp I'm intrigued.
In my dressing room a few months ago "girl you can't be using perfume on your pussy you gotta be using antibacterial soap my gynercologist (yes she said it like that) said so "

Neonsugar
05-22-2015, 01:28 AM
Bumpp I'm intrigued.
In my dressing room a few months ago "girl you can't be using perfume on your pussy you gotta be using antibacterial soap my gynercologist (yes she said it like that) said so "

Natalya
05-24-2015, 10:16 AM
From a few years ago...but never forgot it.

I walked in on a dancer in the dressing room who's crushing a giant unwrapped Dunkin Donuts bagel under her armpit.

Looks at me and slurs... "I fahkin' hate it when tha buttah isn't melted"

Guess she got some of those damned chilly hard butter pats....

TheWeirdOne
05-24-2015, 10:37 AM
I went to try a club that was "really good" These girls were real gems. First thing I noticed is they all have plastic surgery, like every single one, butts and boobs. It was like the surgeon came in and did them all. Anyway, they also all had expensive bags, nice shoes. It looked like they made good money in general. I heard several lines that made my eyes bulge throughout the night.

"Omg, I feel so bad. I just did a VIP with this guy but I didnt fuck him. I made love to him. I feel bad, like Im cheating on my man."

"Idk why these girls are so stupid. You cant work at CLEAN CLUB NAME or CLEAN CLUB NAME, you cant do anything there. You cant even make money for surgeries."

"I heard DancerName died from the ass injections she got from BlackmarketInjector! I also heard DancerName went blind. She injected almost everyone here and at Club Name too. Well, I got injected and I dont feel bad. Maybe theyre saying that to scare us so we dont get more injections."

I also, saw the manager of this club, bring a girl to a group of customers, and in the open booth area, topless booths, I saw a girl giving a bj. A girl having sex, and a handjob. I went home and took a shower and never went back. Ughhh sooo disgusting.

xStacey
05-24-2015, 08:54 PM
I went to try a club that was "really good" These girls were real gems. First thing I noticed is they all have plastic surgery, like every single one, butts and boobs. It was like the surgeon came in and did them all. Anyway, they also all had expensive bags, nice shoes. It looked like they made good money in general. I heard several lines that made my eyes bulge throughout the night.

"Omg, I feel so bad. I just did a VIP with this guy but I didnt fuck him. I made love to him. I feel bad, like Im cheating on my man."

"Idk why these girls are so stupid. You cant work at CLEAN CLUB NAME or CLEAN CLUB NAME, you cant do anything there. You cant even make money for surgeries."

"I heard DancerName died from the ass injections she got from BlackmarketInjector! I also heard DancerName went blind. She injected almost everyone here and at Club Name too. Well, I got injected and I dont feel bad. Maybe theyre saying that to scare us so we dont get more injections."

I also, saw the manager of this club, bring a girl to a group of customers, and in the open booth area, topless booths, I saw a girl giving a bj. A girl having sex, and a handjob. I went home and took a shower and never went back. Ughhh sooo disgusting.

Sounds like a club I know lol. One of the girls I talk to worked at a place like that for a while and said it was so depressing being in the dressing room, all the girls ever talked about are the surgeries they have, the surgeries they plan on getting, all the famous people they got to sleep with despite having a boyfriend, had no future plans.

TheWeirdOne
05-24-2015, 09:30 PM
Yes it was sad. Most of them were older too, like early thirties. It was two other girls and maybe me that werent thirty+ :( What made me sad is that I thought that at one point they mightve been that innocent shy little stripper like me. LOL Well, just recently the club was in the news, due to scandalous crap too.

charlie61
05-24-2015, 09:36 PM
I'm always amazed by the girls who eat full-on meals in the dressing room during their shifts. And I'm talking the late-night shift. This ain't no lunch shift where such activities might be more appropriate.

I mean...

1) I am never hungry while I'm working - I eat before I arrive and when I get home. I can understand a little energy-boosting snack, but a meal? Really?
2) I can think of no less sanitary place to eat than a strip club. I feel like even the bathrooms probably get cleaned more thoroughly and more often than the dressing rooms.
3) Unless the club is deader than dead, where are you getting time to eat? Is making money not a priority?
4) Sure, that burrito tastes good, but how is it going to smell on your breath when you're dancing for someone later that night? Mints only go so far. And those beans you just ate? Gaszilla has arrived.
5) Bloating. Like, bloating is a thing. Food babies aren't cute.
6) There's no worse feeling for me than spending money while I'm making money. I'd bring a meal from home before I'd order one in a club.

I'm just amazed.

TheWeirdOne
05-24-2015, 09:46 PM
LOL I think the bouncers hated me because I would always refuse food.
1. I didnt go to work to spend money, I went there to make money.
2. Im not going to expense ANOTHER cost, like a tip for bringing me food.
3. I dont want to pile on fast food calories.
4. I dont want my breath to smell like tacos, pizza, or anything else.
5. Im a fatass and I will literally finish everything, get the biggest soda, get bloated then feel insecure about reasons 3 and 4.

tempest666
05-25-2015, 12:58 AM
I'm always amazed by the girls who eat full-on meals in the dressing room during their shifts. And I'm talking the late-night shift. This ain't no lunch shift where such activities might be more appropriate.

I mean...

1) I am never hungry while I'm working - I eat before I arrive and when I get home. I can understand a little energy-boosting snack, but a meal? Really?
2) I can think of no less sanitary place to eat than a strip club. I feel like even the bathrooms probably get cleaned more thoroughly and more often than the dressing rooms.
3) Unless the club is deader than dead, where are you getting time to eat? Is making money not a priority?
4) Sure, that burrito tastes good, but how is it going to smell on your breath when you're dancing for someone later that night? Mints only go so far. And those beans you just ate? Gaszilla has arrived.
5) Bloating. Like, bloating is a thing. Food babies aren't cute.
6) There's no worse feeling for me than spending money while I'm making money. I'd bring a meal from home before I'd order one in a club.

I'm just amazed.

I bring food to eat, but it's my cooking from home and I try to eat towards the end of my shift because I'm usually at the gym before work. If I don't eat something I usually feel dizzy and lightheaded. :(

SweetJulia
05-25-2015, 08:01 PM
I bring food to eat, but it's my cooking from home and I try to eat towards the end of my shift because I'm usually at the gym before work. If I don't eat something I usually feel dizzy and lightheaded. :(

Orange juice will fix that asap, just so you know. I'm borderline diabetic, it's the best for an instant fix.

zoezoebelle
05-25-2015, 11:22 PM
A couple weeks ago I walked into the (open stall) bathroom and immediately was greeted with, "Oh God, I haven't shit in four days!"

Me: "Umm, I'm sorry to hear that."
Girl: "Look at this. I look like I'm fucking pregnant." (girl proceeds to stand up off the toilet just to shove her belly in my face)
Me: "Have you tried yogurt?"
Girl: "I've tried everything! Now I have to go out there and pray I don't let loose on some guy in the VIP."

kirakonstantin
05-31-2015, 04:48 PM
Two gems from last night.

A dancer was bragging about how racist she is about (insert derogatory terms for black and Hispanic people.) She starts in on a story about how she went in to apply for food stamps and started insulting the Latina caseworker.

Her: And I said "I can tell you've never paid anything into the system. I hear your accent. You weren't born here."

Me: Yeah. I wasn't born here and I have an accent...

Her: But it's different. You're white.

Me: Not completely. My mom was part native Siberian and my dad may have been part Asian. And jury's out whether Russians are white.

Her: Well... you look white enough. :::facepalm:::

Toward the end of the night, a dancer had come in around midnight, took forever to get ready and was upset that nobody was buying dances. She was lamenting that she just wasn't hot and nobody liked her.

Kind dancer: Honey, it's not you. You're hot but these guys aren't spending. Nobody's making money.

Upset dancer: Dude, seriously! I'm talking and you're totally interrupting me. Fuck, you're making me feel worse. Fuck you!

Me: She just said you're hot and it's not your fault that you're not making money.

Upset dancer: So, she was trying to make me feel better and I just took a gigantic shit on her?

Me: Pretty much.

Upset dancer: Oh... I should probably apologize, but that would make me feel shittier.

newb2
05-31-2015, 05:07 PM
I'm always amazed by the girls who eat full-on meals in the dressing room during their shifts. And I'm talking the late-night shift. This ain't no lunch shift where such activities might be more appropriate.

I mean...

1) I am never hungry while I'm working - I eat before I arrive and when I get home. I can understand a little energy-boosting snack, but a meal? Really?
2) I can think of no less sanitary place to eat than a strip club. I feel like even the bathrooms probably get cleaned more thoroughly and more often than the dressing rooms.
3) Unless the club is deader than dead, where are you getting time to eat? Is making money not a priority?
4) Sure, that burrito tastes good, but how is it going to smell on your breath when you're dancing for someone later that night? Mints only go so far. And those beans you just ate? Gaszilla has arrived.
5) Bloating. Like, bloating is a thing. Food babies aren't cute.
6) There's no worse feeling for me than spending money while I'm making money. I'd bring a meal from home before I'd order one in a club.

I'm just amazed.

I work 8-10 hour (8pm-4/6am) shifts and there's no way I could get through it without a meal.

charlie61
05-31-2015, 05:31 PM
I work 8-10 hour (8pm-4/6am) shifts and there's no way I could get through it without a meal.

Le sigh...I know, of course, that there are exceptions!! Anyone working an 8+ hour shift should of COURSE eat a meal or multiple snacks throughout their shifts. Anyone who exercises right before they go to work should of COURSE eat something before or during their shifts!

My post was intended to be funny, and it was directed at the girls who show up to their 4-hour shift, do a rotation on stage, retreat to the dressing room to eat a giant Chipotle burrito, dust their hands off, and waddle back onto the floor to sell dances without so much as a mint afterwards.

I didn't mean to offend anyone! :(

Selina M
05-31-2015, 11:19 PM
My post was intended to be funny, and it was directed at the girls who show up to their 4-hour shift, do a rotation on stage, retreat to the dressing room to eat a giant Chipotle burrito, dust their hands off, and waddle back onto the floor to sell dances without so much as a mint afterwards.


Hahahaha, I TOTALLY do that sometimes, right down to it literally being a Chipotle burrito :rotfl: Except that I usually eat ⅓ of it before getting dressed, and then the rest in 2-song breaks throughout the shift... no way can I eat all that and then want to go on stage! Oh, and gum definitely happens.

charlie61
05-31-2015, 11:21 PM
Hahahaha, I TOTALLY do that sometimes, right down to it literally being a Chipotle burrito :rotfl: Except that I usually eat ⅓ of it before getting dressed, and then the rest in 2-song breaks throughout the shift... no way can I eat all that and then want to go on stage! Oh, and gum definitely happens.

::judging you silently::

>image of selina m as an untouchable ice queen has been forever ruined<

;D

Aurora14
05-31-2015, 11:43 PM
A girl walked into the DR after another dancer had doused herself in bodyspray.
"Holy fucking fairgrounds! Is that cotton candy? Just smelling this shit is going to make me go into a diabetic coma. It smells like a bitch got swirled in the machine."

She wasn't wrong either. As someone who rarely wears any perfume or sprays, it was pretty sickening.

HoolaTwister
06-05-2015, 07:20 PM
"I really hate when people, like, judge me. I mean, what I wear doesn't reflect on me or what I'm wearing!"

??????????????

SuperJa
06-06-2015, 06:13 PM
Last night was the dj's birthday so the manager was quite drunk. Came into the back very serious:

"Ladies, I need you to make a ton of money tonight because we are gold plating everything in this place"