View Full Version : Dear Valued Customer..
ExoticEngineer
06-13-2007, 11:13 AM
Yoiu girls made my morning!!!! I :heart: this thread!
Dear customer, if you wad up a dollar and throw it at my puss while I am dancing on stage, I will throw it back at you, and I have really good aim. Sure I like a tip, but I'm not target practice for you.
And yes, to what Cally said, DO NOT LICK ME! If I wanted to be licked by you, I would have said "Please lick me" but until you hear those three little words, keep your nasty, beer covered, germ infested, slimy tongue to yourself. I don't want it, and in fact will hose my body off with hairspray BEFORE I dance for you just to prove how much I don't want you to lick me!
If you touch my thong, any part of my thong, even if it's with just your pinky finger, if you touch my thong, I will try to break your finger, 'nuff said.
Get that nasty, dirty dollar out of your mouth, quite wagging it at me like it's a prize! Not only do I get to swap salivia with you by means of a dollar, but I get to put this thing in my mouth that has been touched by millions of people? I'll pass, thanks.
If you try to bite a part of my body, I'll try to flick you in the eyeball. I don't like it. Pretty sure most girls don't.
Thanks!
cameron_keys
06-13-2007, 11:19 AM
adding on...
Dear customer..please look around...see all those REALLY big guys? I GUARENTEE they like me more then they like you...and they LIVE to come to my rescue and beat the fuck out of guys who disrespect me. Esp. since they know I will tip them extra for it! They will not bond with you over how funny it was that you "got your finger wet"....tehy will beat you bloody for raping me with your finger.
Oh ...and there are a cpl of them who stay near the ONE door at all times. Do you not think they will notice if I'm tripping over myself with my eyes rolling back in my head as I walk out with you?? Then WHY FUCKING DRUG THE GIRLS??? It will NOT get us to go home with you. It will however get your ass beat and banned from the club...and if you are REALLY lucky..they wont call the cops on you.(yeh..we pay the cops off so they WILL come get you if we call)
Crow2
06-13-2007, 01:07 PM
Dear valued customer, please keep your distance from me if you are going to spray your spittle all over me when you talk. That seriously makes me want to hurl.. I know you think your breath smells like freshly plucked roses but it dosent.
It smells like you just ate the ass end out of some fresh road kill, so please STOP SPITTING ON ME..
dangerousdiva
06-13-2007, 01:28 PM
I love this thread, too!
Dear Valued customer,
Please don't come up behind me and tell me that you are just going to stand there and stare at my ass and think that it's a compliment.
It's called pay per view...IDIOT!
You make me want to put more clothes on.
Please, don't waive me down across a crowded room and ask me to find some random dancer. Get off your cheap ass and ask the DJ, oh yeah, he will probably want a tip for doing so.
Please, quit asking me how much money I make a night, it's very obvious you're trying to estimate how much you should offer for me to come to your Hotel.
And for Christ's sake, quit asking if my boobs are real! No, they are imaginary!
Embyr
06-13-2007, 01:40 PM
Dear Valued Customer:
My nipple piercings are for decoration only. They are not yours. Please do not try to play with them as if a.) they were yours b.) I actually like it, or c.) I can even feel it. Leave them alone lest you give me a damn infection.
If I slap your hand away from my pussy once, it's probably not going to be allowed there in another 10 seconds. stop fucking trying.
If you decide to sexually degrade me in a dance, that's EXTRA. You little cunt. >:(
If you put me down and call me names, you better be paying me very well, or you get a very very very shitty dance. Otherwise, go find another outlet for your misogyny other than strippers.
Don't TELL me what your ATF does for you and try to guilt-trip me into doing the same thing because i was *lucky* (hah) enough to get you back here for a dance.
Stop asking me what else I do besides this. Why the hell do you assume I have another job? I'm a stripper! Let it go!
jaizaine
06-14-2007, 01:17 AM
Please, quit asking me how much money I make a night, it's very obvious you're trying to estimate how much you should offer for me to come to your Hotel.
I never thought of this reason before.
Crow2
06-14-2007, 01:30 PM
Dear Valued customer, please do not, write, scribble, or otherwise decorate the money you are handing me with your phone number, and or hotel room number.
it's not clever, nor cute and it makes you look like a total loser..
BalletBaby
06-14-2007, 03:16 PM
Don't lick my armpit, DAMNIT! Or any other area for that matter.
Don't move my g-string. If you would like me to pull the sides up, ASK FIRST. Don't touch it either. Or stick your hand inside. I BITE.
I don't want to kiss you and I don't want you to kiss me.
My nipples are not for suckling. If you want to suck on something, I'll get you a pacifier.
Do not try and stick your hands anywhere inside me.
If I don't want a drink, I don't want a friggin drink.
Do not start feeling me up the second I sit down. There is a reason why you are single.
ExoticEngineer
06-14-2007, 03:23 PM
Omg omg omg!!!!! Do not call me over only to point at your butt dart buddy and say he wants a dance, only to have HIM point at you and say you want a dance.
As much as I love this little game I can only handle it for about two seconds before I want to clunk your empty heads together to hear that satisfying "BONK" sound and walk away.
And please, do not call me over and ask me when I'll be on stage next. You're excuse of "want to see what I'm buying first" reeeaaaallllyyyy makes me feel special. Uh huh.
britt244
06-14-2007, 05:32 PM
WASH YOUR HANDS. please do not walk in the door with dirty fingernails and then expect me to let you touch ANY part of me, be it my legs, back, or anything else. and then when you laugh and/or apologize about how dirty you are? clean up before you expect my time. i dont want your money that bad.
Lipstixx
06-14-2007, 06:10 PM
There are more effective channels to address these issues... e.g. Your Security Staff.
gingerlee
06-14-2007, 06:52 PM
There are more effective channels to address these issues... e.g. Your Security Staff.
That would work if we had security that covered every single inch of the club that actually gave a fuck about the girls. I've had to handle shit on my own more than once, because security sucked.
Yekhefah
06-14-2007, 07:34 PM
Do not bark at me when I am onstage. It does not impress me with what a big manly DOG you are; it makes you look like a fucking idiot and it irritates the shit out of me.
Do not stand at the edge of the stage clutching your little one-dollar bill - just standing there clutching it - waiting for me to take my clothes off. Feed the damn meter. I'll take something off when you put down that dollar (and a few more to keep it company).
DO NOT kiss me. Ever. I do not want a peck on the cheek, I do not want soft kisses on my ear, and I damn sure don't want your nasty mouth on mine. This grosses me out more than anything else you could possibly do. You could take out a deformed penis and stick it in your own ass, and I would not be as grossed out by that as I am by you trying to kiss me. DO NOT FUCKING KISS ME. ANYWHERE.
Don't ask me what you will "get" for the price of a lapdance. You get a fucking lapdance. And the price is not negotiable. I don't care if the 400-pound woman who smells like BV charges $15. *I* charge $20. You can't have a Lexus for the same price as a Yugo, and the same principle works here.
And please, please, PLEASE. DON'T tell me you don't have money for tipping or lapdances, and then ask me with a lewd grin if I'm "ready to make some REAL money." You and I both know that even when you find a hooker, you're not going to pay her more than $50 or so. That is not real money and you insult us both when you use this stupid line.
cameron_keys
06-14-2007, 09:49 PM
You could take out a deformed penis and stick it in your own ass,
that is so fucking hot! :O
cameron_keys
06-14-2007, 09:50 PM
There are more effective channels to address these issues... e.g. Your Security Staff.
yeah ok..I'd LOVE to see the club where security are also psychics and can stop these things BEFORE they happen
jaizaine
06-14-2007, 10:28 PM
DOn't tell me I have nice teeth and then stick your filthy finger in my mouth u effin animal.
Do not write your phone number on a little bit of paper and sticky tape it to a $50 note coz I spent it at Ed Hardy and I dont think the sales assistant wants your number either.
mina loy
06-14-2007, 10:39 PM
brush your teeth! if your breath stinks, get a mint!
cameron_keys
06-14-2007, 10:51 PM
Just because the girls and staff treat you nice after you did multiple champagne rooms with multiple girls spending craploads of money...it does NOT mean we are all your new best friends and you can come in and spend nothing and hang out with us for free
PookaShell
06-15-2007, 12:44 AM
Dearest valued customer -
I realize you think you are hot. I realize you think you are "different" from all the other customers, because I have put on an act to lead you to beleive it, and I am a good actor. Really good. Now, just because you spent 40 dollars on two lap dances for me, one of which you tried to rip me off on, does not make you a big spender. You didn't make my night. Now that you have spent 40 bucks, and then bitched about it, you want my number. You think we're perfect for each other. I want you to know some things about yourself. The day we are a perfect couple is the day I take all of my g-strings and create a noose and tie one end to the top of the pole I dance on and - well you know the rest. So yeah, stop asking for my phone number.
Also - when you ask me: "Do you live alone?" "Where?" "What kind of car do you drive?" Seriously - did you learn this from Stalkers for Dummies or what? Way to be subtle about your creepy ass ways, jerkoff.
Stop telling me you never go to strip clubs while talking yourself up to me. That would be okay if we met at..yanno, the bank or the grocery store. But you sit your ass in the cheapskate row of the Lusty Lady in a chair that has practically been molded to fit you from how often you go there while you tell me this interesting fact about you. Fuck off.
Kaylinn
06-15-2007, 04:52 AM
Hold still!!
The only thing you acomplish by trying to hump me is fuck up my rythm and make it much harder for me to do my job. AND IT GROSES ME OUT AND MAKES ME GIVE YOU AN AIR DANCE. If you want the best possible dance from me, sit still, and keep your hands and mouth off! DON'T try to "trap" me between your legs. WTF is that? Why? What does it acomplish?
No licking, please.
No, I wont take that dollar bill out of your mouth with my own. Do you have any idea how much human shit you just ate? Yeah...I'll pass. No, I'm not a snob, I'm just not hungry for poop today, thank you.
Don't ask me questions you don't believe the answer to anyway, what's the point in asking? What does the answer really matter? WHy ask for my real name/age/where i live...the answer does not affect my lap dance, and you don't believe me anyway. Yeah, I probably did lie. It don't matter.
Don't ask what your gonna get for a $20 lapdance. Your gonna get $20 lap dance. Want a $20 blow job? Take a walk next door to the "massage parlor"
Please, please. Keep your tounge in your mouth. When you make the lickey face, it makes me vomit a little in my mouth. It is soo disgusting.
Picaresque
06-15-2007, 08:11 AM
Do not bark at me when I am onstage. It does not impress me with what a big manly DOG you are; it makes you look like a fucking idiot and it irritates the shit out of me.
*wipes cherry coke off laptop screen* lol Yekefah you win.
so that's what they're doing? I always assume when they bark that they're calling ME a dog. So I just ignore it. B/c I *know* I'm far from looking like a dog. ;D
DO NOT kiss me. Ever. I do not want a peck on the cheek, I do not want soft kisses on my ear, and I damn sure don't want your nasty mouth on mine. This grosses me out more than anything else you could possibly do. You could take out a deformed penis and stick it in your own ass, and I would not be as grossed out by that as I am by you trying to kiss me. DO NOT FUCKING KISS ME. ANYWHERE.
omg. I agree...nastiest thing ever. EVER. Hands down VILE. I literally want to puke (and then beat the shit out of the offending custy) when this happens.
One day I swear I will come to work wearing a roll of masking tape as a garter, and will rip off a piece lightning-quick and tape their mouths shut when they try to kiss me.
Taylorlila
06-15-2007, 09:26 AM
Dear Valued Customer....
When you tell me to "pretend" I'm 12 it makes me sick and also makes me want to recomend that you get some serious help before I see you on Americas Most Wanted. :crazy:
No I don't want to see you "jerk your little pee pee" than eat your own cum. And so and so is prob. lying to you when she says she likes watching you do that.
Oh and sometimes you bring a giant dildo in and shove it up your ass? Do I want to see? NO THANKYOU. :no_way:
And I'm sorry that my work forces me to sell over priced cam shows, and if you can go to Mass and get a better looking hooker to suck your dick for ten bucks...then what the fuck are you doing here wasting my time. And sorry you wasted the dollar you put in the tip slot, I did tell you to show the money to me before you put it in, listen next time...oh and you know that security guard you were arguing with...did you not see the gun on his side when you were running your mouth? DUMB ASS.:shoot:
Oh and dont ask me why i'm dancing well telling me your niece is my age and is in whatever college. I'm dancing because I like it, and maybe if I want to go to school I have to make some fucking money first!
And Mr. Ghetto-I'm-Such-A-PIMP. ..I know what you really want is to "get me at your hotel later to chill" but you wanna know what I want? I want you to give me your money or turn around and shut the fuck up.
God I'm glad I dont work at the fantasy booth anymore. That felt good getting that off my chest.
Crow2
06-15-2007, 09:37 AM
Omg omg omg!!!!! Do not call me over only to point at your butt dart buddy and say he wants a dance, only to have HIM point at you and say you want a dance.
As much as I love this little game I can only handle it for about two seconds before I want to clunk your empty heads together to hear that satisfying "BONK" sound and walk away.
And please, do not call me over and ask me when I'll be on stage next. You're excuse of "want to see what I'm buying first" reeeaaaallllyyyy makes me feel special. Uh huh.
To add on to the point at him game,
Dear Vauled customer: Please do not point at your buddy when I ask you if you would like a dance. I'm not an idiot, but obviously you are.. Also, I really don't give a sugar frosted flying fuck who you are. Don't ask me if I know, when you find out - come back and we will talk.
There are more effective channels to address these issues... e.g. Your SecurityStaff.
Er, what planet are you from? Security, (if there is any usually ) could give a crap less. Unless of course if you tip, then they might be slightly motivated to point and stare with another co-worker. There has only been one club that I have ever worked at where the security actually did their job..
sunnie
06-15-2007, 10:23 AM
Dear Valued Customer,
Oh baby, you're so sexy. Here you can just put your wallet in my hand. Shhhh, don't talk, let's savor the moment.
Yes baby, I love you too. Mwaa.
Buh Bye
ExoticEngineer
06-15-2007, 11:07 AM
There are more effective channels to address these issues... e.g. Your Security Staff.
I'm glad you're catching on to the purpose of this forum. Congrats!:D
Paris
06-15-2007, 11:20 AM
Bwhahahahaha! I love it!
thank you, I needed a laugh;D.
carolina6
06-15-2007, 01:20 PM
If when I sit down, you refuse to tell me your name, and then tell me you don't want to know mine, because you know it's fake, please don't question why no girls have sat with you. You are obviously a rude fucker, which has a high correlation with being a cheap bastard.
If I dance for you and you lunge for my nipple and I pull back in a very fast manner, this means that I don't like it. Don't try to do it again. Those 3 really lame air dances you got afterwards? Yes, they were punishment for being demanding.
Do not put your nasty 60 year old smelly face anywhere near my precious 25 year old flowery smelling neck. You are ruining its otherwise lovely smell.
I could add onto this thread every day, haha.
Lisbeth
06-15-2007, 02:22 PM
I so love this thread... Lets not forget these.
'As much as you may want to see/touch my more tender parts, if you pull my thong to the side again I will break your fucking finger.. Also, who told you it was acceptable to try sticking your finger in my ass? My husband doesnt get to do that, and I actually like him.'
'Do I swallow? Why the hell should you care? That shriveled old thing will never be anywhere near my mouth, and if it is by some horrific accident then I'm going immediately to get a rabies shot.'
'No I do not get off while dancing for men like you. On the contrary I often am forced to try not to vomit on them. No I don't think you will be any different, no matter the skills of your tongue. Now go away you discusting little creature.'
I so needed that...
cameron_keys
06-15-2007, 02:27 PM
Oh and after last night...NO...I not only will NOT fuck you for money like I've said 10 fucking times..but flashing me your sheriffs dpt. badge is NOT going to make me change my mind. You of ALL people should know that what you are asking is illegal(and repulsive since you are old enough to be my father...and no i will not call you Daddy..eww stop asking that too..and about 150 pounds overweight.)
Shame on you.
Callyish
06-15-2007, 02:36 PM
Dear customer...
When I am doing a fire show do not scream 'BLUE ANGEL' its revolting and it shows how much of a pig you really are. It pisses me off and it puts me in a pissy mood.
Littlelo
06-15-2007, 02:39 PM
^^ Blue Angel?
ExoticEngineer
06-15-2007, 03:34 PM
Dear customer,
Trying to carry me like I'm a 6 pack could be very hazardous to your health.
Crow2
06-15-2007, 05:08 PM
Dear Valued customer: if you try to bodily pick me up I will stab you in the eye with my acrylic nail. and scream like a banshee directly into your ear so that you are deaf. Try explaining that to the wife.
miss marina
06-15-2007, 07:35 PM
^ Lmao!
Pretty_Penny
06-15-2007, 08:05 PM
don't put your mouth on me.
at all.
don't lick me.
don't kiss me.
also,
do not break my rules. don't try to be "slick" about it either. i'm not stupid.
also also,
please plan on spending money when you come into the club. do not... i repeat DO NOT expect me, or any other dancer, to sit with you for free.
also also also,
do not complain to me or any other dancer about how "you know how the game works" and "all you girls want is my money". we are doing a job and we expect to be paid for it. we aren't all "dumb" girls who "beg for money". forget that image before you step foot in the club.
thanx!
pheno
06-15-2007, 08:18 PM
Dear Valued Customer,
Yes, I will bring you drinkgs and smile and laugh at your jokes - while I'm waiting for my effin' tip. There's a reason why I gave you your 15 dollar change in singles... so just get on with it and give up a few.
By the way, that no touch policy for the dancers also applies to the wait staff. Putting your hand up my already microscopic skirt gets you a beer bottle in the eye. The same goes for grabbing at my tits. Not cool. Not funny. Don't care how drunk you are.
Oh, one more thing... Not going home with you. Not going to meet you anywhere. Not going to give you a dance or show you my tits or bits. Ever. Now give me damn tip.
carolina6
06-16-2007, 01:30 AM
If you're not paying me more than the regular dance price, why do you think you're going to get away with more than what the regular dance includes? Do you think buying a loaf of bread comes with a free gallon of milk? NO!
When you point at things on my body, like my belly piercing or tattoo, you should do just that, point. Pointing does not involve touching. Stop fucking poking my body.
^Another one of my fucking pet peeves. "OOOOOOoooohhhh.... let me see your tattoos!" I hate having to explain to them what the fuck they are every single night......RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Don't fucking touch them, either, dickbag!!! >:(
RoseWhite
06-16-2007, 04:28 AM
Dear Valued Customer,
I thought you'd like to know a little bit about the history of striptease. Stage names have been used from the very beginnning of burlesque and other ancestors of modern stripping. This goes with the territory. Everyone has one, and has one for a reason, not the least of which is SAFETY.
So please. Beyond how ridiculous it is to pester me for my real name, don't act like I just this very moment decided to make up a fake name on the spot just to mess with you, insult you, or ditch you. I'm not the coed you tried to pick up on Spring Break. This is my job, and a stage name is part of my job.
And of COURSE I'm going to give you a fake real name to try and shut you the fuck up about it already. By all means, give ME a fake name too! Please do! I don't WANT to know who you are!
It's true that I might let a regular eventually know my real name . . . after a LOT of time has passed, trust has been built, and frankly, money has been spent. Your measly buck or two on stage doesn't entitle you to jack shit - and the fact that you're wasting my time with this nonsense makes it even worse.
Luv,
Rose. YES, damn it, ROSE!!!
Dear Valued Customer,
When i say you can put your hands on my stomach I mean My Stomach! Nomatter how slowly you move them upwards or how suave you are I still know you're going for my breasts!
Taylorlila
06-16-2007, 07:04 AM
That guy's still coming around? I used to tell him every single time I wouldn't pretend to be any younger than 16. Did he grade you afterwards? I think he gave me a B-.:'(
haha yeah he is. I just usually said "ok" but didnt pretend anything. He never graded me. I also had the guy that said he was my "cock whore" and I made him go suck guys dicks in the video booths...hmmm
cameron_keys
06-16-2007, 08:01 AM
Honey..when you go to the grocery store you dont expect the checkout girl to cook the food and serve it to you...for that you go to a restaurant.
Same here. I'll give you the ingredients...but you'll have to finish cooking it at home. If you want it all done for you...go to a hooker.
Yekhefah
06-16-2007, 08:58 AM
:laughing: Well said, Cam!
Crow2
06-16-2007, 10:57 AM
Dear Valued customer: Yes, I know I'm tall, please stop fucking asking me how tall I am and just be glad I'm not stepping on you like a bug.
Littlelo
06-16-2007, 11:53 AM
I don't need you to direct my dance. I know what I'm doing! If you have a special request please ASK. Don't just tell me to do it. This isn't Burger King, you don't get it "your way".
gingerlee
06-16-2007, 12:31 PM
^^And in the spirit of mentioning Burger King....
When I am at work, I'm not at a yard sale or a swap meet. When I tell you a dance is 'x' dollars, you don't need to start trying to negotiate with me. It's a set price, you asshat. You don't go to Wal-Mart and argue that you don't want to pay the listed price for your socks, so don't do it to me.
ExoticEngineer
06-16-2007, 01:40 PM
Dear Customer,
The front of my thong is not like a piggy bank. You cannot grab the front, pull it as far as you possibly can to pretend your only goal is to stick your nasty germy dollar in there, and certainly not to take a peek at my holy grail!
In fact, I don't even want you to pull the side of my thong and put a dollar there! I will do the pulling of the thong thank you, you just stand there and look pretty. k? Thanks.
cameron_keys
06-16-2007, 01:42 PM
This isn't Burger King, you don't get it "your way".
HA..I cant count how many times I've said this to customers!!
Picaresque
06-18-2007, 03:58 PM
Dear not-so-valued customer:
What is UP with you wadding up dollars and chucking them at me onstage? In Club A I could assume you were simply too lazy to get up and walk to the stage to hand me a dollar (or too much of a cheap ass to sit AT the stage and actually part with $2 for every dancer). But at Club B we have a tip walk--you don't even have to get up out of your seat; I'll come around to you. So there's really no excuse for treating me like target practice.
Don't bother acting all offended when I a) completely ignore you and don't even acknowledge that you just "gave" me a dollar and b) completely ignore the dollar as well and leave it on the stage when I get off. Yeah I'm so hard up for money that I need to crawl around unfolding a bunch of little crumpled spitball dollars that amount to about $5. Fuck it; not even worth the effort. I'll get my tips from guys who weren't raised in a barn and have no problem folding a dollar and putting it in my garter.
Same goes for you douchefucks on the tip walk who act all offended when I walk away after you try to a) proposition me while waving a dollar just out of my reach, b) ask what I will do for your dollar (um, nothing. it's a single fucking dollar. I can't even buy a cup of coffee with it), c) attempt to put the dollar in my ass, d) try to grab my tits with one hand while you shove the dollar in my pussy with the other...the list goes on. No, I'm not even going to acknowledge you. You pull that shit, I walk away. You're a loser. Your precious dollar clearly means more to you than it does to me, and I'm not even going to waste air and energy on a verbal retort. Next!
phillydj
06-19-2007, 01:13 AM
The word douchefuck is copy written by Brian Angel enterprises, all rights reserved. Ok can I play too?? dear idiot in the cheap seats nursing his beer for the past half hour. Don't yell out "play freebird".....no, I'm not kidding. You sound like a moron. If you have a request ask me, or better yet ask a girl and tip her for dancing to it.....now, go back to PRETENDING to watch the game, while your really watching the dancers but want to have a good excuse to not part with that AMAZING one dollar bill you've been hanging on to so hard......
Ahhh....ladies continue