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CallMeSky
04-15-2008, 01:50 AM
me: "wanna dance?"
customer: "sorry, i'm married. i love my wife." (shows me a picture on his cell)...."but if i said yes, would you let me suck your tits?"

msonyxorb
04-15-2008, 02:54 AM
two young college guys- wow that girl was mean, we just came here to get some drinks
me- there is no alcohol in this club
guys- well there is soda...

JDanielle
04-15-2008, 03:48 AM
One boggling hour in VIP with a guy and my best friend will always stand out. He was fairly coherent when the hour started but...he must have taken some kind of crazy hallucinogens beforehand because about 15 minutes in he started whipping out the weirdest stuff. My friend and I were laughing nonstop and he didn't even notice. I wish so badly I had had a tape recorder but I'll try to remember some things he said.

Customer: Hey! You, you directed National Treasure 2!
Me: What?
Customer: Yeah, you acted in it too.
Me: ...oh yeah! I did! Did you like it?
Customer: No...it sucked, you only got to do it because Nicholas Cage is your dad. But I remember seeing that movie and saying to Mike - that's Mike McManus- if I could meet that girl, I would lay her down, and we would just lay together...
Me: Watch out, my dad might get mad at you.

Friend: So, how did you feel about Zodiac?
Customer: Oh, uh...it was good. You know, Mike McManus--
Friend: I mean, how did you feel about your performance in the movie?
Customer: I didn't see it. Anyway, Mike McManus...

Customer: So, do you guys really want to know who I am?
Me: We saw your ID when you gave it to the waitress, we know who you are.
Customer: No that's fake. I'm going to tell you but you have you keep it a secret. I'm Jake Gyllenhaal.
My friend: Oh, really? Wow I've always wanted to meet you. How's your sister doing?
Customer: Who?
My friend: You know...your sister. Maggie.
Customer: No I only have brothers. Look it up on the internet, it's all there.

He talked the entire time, mostly repeating nonsense about acting, being Jake Gyllenhaal's stunt double, and some guy named Mike McManus. Near the very end of the hour he started babbling about how all 3 of us had driven from Hollywood in a truck and parked it in a balloon somewhere. He was really adamant that we had parked a truck inside a balloon. That's all I can remember now...in retrospect I kind of feel guilty about teasing him like we did and taking his money when he wasn't in complete possession of his faculties but I guess that's what you get when you take drugs and flash a wad of cash at a club...

wanderlust08
04-15-2008, 09:06 AM
Guy: How much is a private dance?
Me: 25 dollars
Guy: *whips out 25 dollars* I have it, but I have to buy lunch tomorrow, so will you go home with me?
Me: No.
Guy: But I can't buy a dance!
Me: Table dances are ten bucks.
Guy: Oh...*to bartender* Can I have a bud light?
Bartender: Four dollars
Guy: *looks at me* Can I borrow four dollars?
Me: No
Guy: You're very premature.
Me: I think the word you're looking for is IMMATURE. *gets up and walks away*

CuriousSeeker
04-15-2008, 09:08 AM
Bartender: Four dollars
Guy: *looks at me* Can I borrow four dollars?

::)


:rotfl:

curvycutie817
04-15-2008, 09:27 AM
Urgh, i get this all the time.
No, I'm just here for a drink. I always go out drinking in my underwear.::)

LMFAO

Perry
04-15-2008, 01:45 PM
My friend and I sat down with two very drunk customers.

Custy 1: "Come back to my place and party with us!"
Me : "We can't, we have to work."
Custy number 1: "So just blow it off, and come with us. It'll be fun!"
Dancer: "I have to pay my rent!"
Custy 1: "Well how much is it?"
Dancer: "$1,600. I live on a farm."
After a long shocked pause.
Custy 1: "Well how about you?"
Me: "$700."
After another pause, his friend yells, "Just pay their rent, and lets go!"

Andygirl
04-15-2008, 03:16 PM
Exactly. If he'd gone into most other clubs, I bet the young dancers wouldn't even have heard of Alice In Chains! I can't name a single one of their songs, myself. I really have zero interest in long-haired men, scruffy men, musicians, or celebrities, so I guess I pissed him off by not acting suitably impressed. Maybe he found a better ego-stroke somewhere else.

I love Alice-in-Chains, but would never have recognized that guy. Still, they really were a huge deal, even if they aren't popular with the younger people now (their singer/main songwriter died). Around here their songs still get plenty of play.....Rooster, Man in a Box, No Excuses......I hear all of them on a weekly basis.

VeraLynn
04-15-2008, 03:32 PM
Promo time, and here I go wandering around the floor trying to sell two lap dances and a calendar for $40. I go up to two young (read: 18, this is a juice bar club) guys who were obviously friends.

Me: Want to do a two-for-one?
Cust 1: What's that?
Me: You get two lap dances and this calendar for $40. It's usually $35 a song.
Cust 2: What she say?
Cust 1: She said $20 from you and $20 from me and you get a dance and I get a dance....
Me (cutting him off because we only get about a minute to sell the promo and get up to the dance area before it starts): No no no... thats not what I said. It's for one person. They get two dances in a row and this calendar for the $40.
Cust 2: Wha?
Cust 1: Don't worry 'bout it, she stupid. (said it just like that!)
Me: (Gives them a really funny look) Ya, okay!!


LOL I walked away.... I'm the 31 year old with a college degree from UMass and they're two smart-ass 18 year old kids. Who's stupid!? :O

Sarah Andi
04-15-2008, 04:05 PM
I can't count the number of times I get, "You don't really go to school. What do you really do?"

Put up with dumb asses like you every weekend? But for my coke habit, not my BAs and the move to Cali to get my PhD...

bounce86
04-15-2008, 05:59 PM
had to toss a drunk guy lastnight for not keeping his hands to himself. on the way out after another dancer came to get me, the door the convo was with me holding the guy in an arm lock went some thing like;

me: ok, time to go.
cust: no!
me: (as im grabbing him) time for me to put my hands on you.
cust: (while squirming like a little kid) I DRIVE A MERCEDES!!!!!!
ME: (i actually paused) aaaaaaand?
cust: i have more rights than you then
me: (while finding the wall with his face) sure you do bud

the whole way out the club he kept screaming "i drive a mercedes! this isn't fair" wtf does the car you drive have to do with following 2 simple rules? pay first and do what the dancer tells you to or its my turn to get physical. we tossed him outside and he got into a 1980-something honda and buzzed off dragging his muffler /:O i hate stupid people.

VegasPrincess
04-15-2008, 06:12 PM
h wtf does the car you drive have to do with following 2 simple rules? pay first and do what the dancer tells you to or its my turn to get physical. we tossed him outside and he got into a 1980-something honda and buzzed off dragging his muffler /:O i hate stupid people.

I wash you were my bouncer....

Joy to the world
04-15-2008, 09:00 PM
a college guy is handing me a 20 to do a floor dance for the bachelor that is with the group and puts his hand on my shoulder and pulls me in and ask
"if I might (YES MIGHT) you a extra five (yes five dollars) would you give him a BJ"

ummm no, no matter how much you give me but now you have just insulted me, 5 dollars!

alisha101
04-15-2008, 09:18 PM
a college guy is handing me a 20 to do a floor dance for the bachelor that is with the group and puts his hand on my shoulder and pulls me in and ask
"if I might (YES MIGHT) you a extra five (yes five dollars) would you give him a BJ"

ummm no, no matter how much you give me but now you have just insulted me, 5 dollars!


"Sure, if you start adding some zeros to that." Idiot.

ViolaStrings
04-16-2008, 02:20 PM
OMG, I seriously earned my vip money last night.

My best hustle buddy pulls me out of a VIP room - I had just gotten an hour (2 girls with one guy), and the guy wanted to renew for another hour, but hustle buddy was like "NO! Come with me!" So I left him with the other girl.

Apparently these guys in Armani suits said they wanted to book 2 hours upfront with an extra tip, and they did. The guy my friend set me up with was drinking like a fish. My friend was with the money man, so I basically just had to put up with this guy. At first he was really nice, a little stupid and drunk, but nice. By the beginning of the second hour, he was asking me to use my nails for him to snort coke and the waitress had to bring him two drinks at at a time because he was drinking them so fast. He was an emotional nightmare, one of those guys who simultaneously compliments you and insults you. Stuff like

"I'm so attracted to you, I want to date you" and then "You really need to work out the backs of your arms. They're squishy" 5 minutes later. He even kept pinching and smacking the band aids I had on to cover where I had my tattoos lasered yesterday. Everytime he kept doing it and I'd tell him no, he'd go "Oh yea, sorry"

Other gems from this diamond in the rough...
"When we date, I won't put up with this for very long. Like a month or so. But I'm not going to give you the same kind of money you make here. I'll support you enough to pay your bills. Money isn't important"
"Dancing is bullshit. How do you put up with this?" then "I want to be able to fuck around with you tonight as much as possible"
"Don't lie to me. You're never going to go to grad school"

By the end of the night, he was straight up date rapist aggressive with me. My friend and the money guy had left the room, and he grabbed me saying "You're going to come home with me" I had to push him down and leave the room. I left to walk to the dressing room, and some muscle dude was like "You running? That guy is following you" So I grabbed the big muscular guy and was like "Honey, this guy won't leave me alone!" Luckily, the guy played along and was like "Leave my girl alone! This is my woman!" So the drunk dude grabbed the glass of champagne out of my hand (that his friend paid for) and was like "I'm throwing this away!" Like he was trying to punish me! Oh no! My cheap champagne gone!

What a fucking nightmare.

Sarah Andi
04-16-2008, 03:30 PM
Oh man. My sympathies!

bounce86
04-16-2008, 05:02 PM
I wash you were my bouncer....

ive always wanted to go to vegas............. ;Dmy boss likes me too much, he says im like patrick swazey from roadhouse, i know when to be poliet and when to tear someones throat out 8) ive never done the latter but i "accidentally" break alot of noses and small bones hauling people out and i know how to talk to cops and have tried to teach the other people i work with how talk to cops and normally come out on top.

iambonbon05
04-16-2008, 05:03 PM
Bwahaha I love this thread. I was going to quote someone but can't decide which, they're all just chock full of strange idiots.

jaizaine
05-22-2008, 10:48 PM
Hehehehe I got one last night......

So Im dancing for this guy in his 40's and he has never had a lap dance before. So he asked me what the rules are and I said "Well customers cannot touch us so u have to let us take control and do the dancing" and he replied "Ok you can touch my dick but not under the pants ok just on top" LOL :D

I said "oh no we don't do that, that's against the rules etc etc" and he said "oh I don't mind tho" haha.

He was a nice man so I didn't get mad at him, he was just clueless ;D

NewMoon
05-23-2008, 12:10 AM
Dude: "You know, I'm 42 and I've had a lot of dances and you're the first dancer whose actually made me hard."

... and he said it like I was supposed to feel so proud. *rolls eyes*

LilyLove
05-23-2008, 12:55 AM
Hehehehe I got one last night......

So Im dancing for this guy in his 40's and he has never had a lap dance before. So he asked me what the rules are and I said "Well customers cannot touch us so u have to let us take control and do the dancing" and he replied "Ok you can touch my dick but not under the pants ok just on top" LOL :D

I said "oh no we don't do that, that's against the rules etc etc" and he said "oh I don't mind tho" haha.

He was a nice man so I didn't get mad at him, he was just clueless ;D

Oh that is so funny! I bet you were trying to hard not to giggle.

Polekitten
05-23-2008, 01:36 AM
So so many are coming to me right now but I'll post one from last night.
I started dancing for a guy,

Him "Can I touch you?"
Me "No"
"Can I touch you with my tounge?"
"No"
"Can I touch you with my nose?"
"No"
"Can I touch you with..."
"You can't touch me with any part of your body!!"

I had a feeling that line of questioning was gonna go on for while.

CKXXX
05-23-2008, 01:55 AM
Drunk guy: "hey..want to go out on my boat with me tomorrow?"
me: " oh..I"m going home tomorrow...darn it..I cant go"
Drunk guy after thinking for a moment:" oh well..how about yesterday?"
me:" umm..yeah sure..lets go yesterday"
Drunk guy: "cool..."

Yekhefah
05-23-2008, 02:01 AM
Him "Can I touch you?"
Me "No"
"Can I touch you with my tounge?"
"No"
"Can I touch you with my nose?"
"No"
"Can I touch you with..."
"You can't touch me with any part of your body!!"

I had a feeling that line of questioning was gonna go on for while.

Can I touch you with my mouth?

Can I touch you in my house?

Can I touch you here or there?

Can I touch you anywhere?

RoseLeigh
05-23-2008, 11:06 AM
^you cannot touch me with a mouse.
You cannot touch in me in the house.
Not with a goat (ew), not on a boat, not with a fox, not on a box!;D

Yekhefah
05-23-2008, 11:12 AM
Not on MY box!

CKXXX
05-23-2008, 01:02 PM
Giving a dance to a guy last week. He stares at my crotch and says something about my labia. Then with a smug expression asks "do you know what that is?"
I say "ummm..yeah of course I do" He says (again all smug and proud of himself) "thats your CLIT"

Yeah..no honey..it really isnt. But now I know why you are 50-something and still single!

noelle
05-23-2008, 01:10 PM
Drunk guy: "hey..want to go out on my boat with me tomorrow?"
me: " oh..I"m going home tomorrow...darn it..I cant go"
Drunk guy after thinking for a moment:" oh well..how about yesterday?"
me:" umm..yeah sure..lets go yesterday"
Drunk guy: "cool..."


WTF? Omg, that's the best thing I've read all day. Hahahah

ViolaStrings
05-23-2008, 08:55 PM
Giving a dance to a guy last week. He stares at my crotch and says something about my labia. Then with a smug expression asks "do you know what that is?"
I say "ummm..yeah of course I do" He says (again all smug and proud of himself) "thats your CLIT"

Yeah..no honey..it really isnt. But now I know why you are 50-something and still single!

OMFG how does this happen?

CherryBomb954
05-24-2008, 11:42 AM
How about the genius that tried to be all witty and say "You know, if I were you, I wouldn't wear my wedding ring to work. That's bad for business" all straight-faced like "ooh, I just checked you, girl, two snaps and a circle"-like....as he pointed to a silver ring with a black stone in it on my RIGHT hand.

Yeah buddy, you are on top of things. A real business savvy guy

Yekhefah
06-29-2008, 10:56 PM
I got a real winner today:

"I love strip clubs! I can come in here and act like a TOTAL asshole, and I'm never gonna see you guys again so it doesn't matter!" (with a big grin too, he was serious)

ViolaStrings
06-29-2008, 10:57 PM
^ you bit down into a truth nugget today.

Yekhefah
06-29-2008, 10:58 PM
^^^ :rotfl:

I just looked at him blankly and said, "Uh, no. Even when you leave here, you're still going to be an asshole."

indianprincess
06-29-2008, 11:06 PM
I got a real winner today:

"I love strip clubs! I can come in here and act like a TOTAL asshole, and I'm never gonna see you guys again so it doesn't matter!" (with a big grin too, he was serious)

Ooooogrgh. That made me upset.

Ugh. Time to go to sleep.

thechaosfairy
06-29-2008, 11:49 PM
Hey, at least he's *honest* about being a douchebag. No leading you on. It would be nice to know in advance if you're going to have to "oops" someone's drink off the tip rail. ;D

rubyredlipsss
06-30-2008, 11:06 PM
well i just started working but on my second day i introduced myself to this customer and said, "Hi I'm London" and he responds with, "Like the country!!!" (really enthusiastically)

When did cities become countries? Haha

ViolaStrings
06-30-2008, 11:17 PM
^ oh my god, I love that. That's up there with...

My friend "Hey, go over to those Japanese guys! They asked for you, the girl with yellow hair!" (LMAO)
The customer I'm sitting with "Don't bother. Europeans don't tip"

rubyredlipsss
06-30-2008, 11:45 PM
^^ omg, how can people be so oblivious?? did they not learn basic geography in school? haha, oh welllsss

paintgoddess
07-01-2008, 04:49 AM
All from Saturday night:

In indian accent: "The problem with this club is that they do not offer fuck!"

Really drunk guy: "Your ass is so hot, I'd eat the peanuts out of your shit!"

Dottie Rebel
07-01-2008, 07:39 AM
Oooh! I had a fun one. I came offstage after my hula hoop set and introduced myself to a guy.

Dottie Rebel: "Hi, I'm (stage name)"
Dip Shit: "Wow, that's cool. I met the other hula hoop girl. Do you know her?"
DR: "What other hula hoop girl?"
DS: "Yeah, her name is (stage name) too!"
DR: "O rly?" (raised eyebrow, giving him a chance to realize it's me)
DS: "Yep."
DR: "Yeah, cause we actually have 5 girls by that name who hula hoop.
DS: "Really? That's crazy! (Totally believes me. ) Well, you're much better looking than the one I met."

I am the only girl by that name who has worked at my club for over 3 years. Also the only hula hooper who has ever set foot on the club's stage. ::)

Later he realized his mistake and came up to my stage.

DS: "I'm sorry about earlier. I guess what I should have said was that this is a much better look for you."
DR: (Laughing) "Honey, look at you (slow once-over on this short, fat, balding, computer geeky dude). Do you think someone who looks like me gives a shit what someone who looks like you has to say about it?"

It was probably the most shallow thing I've ever said, but I wanted to hurt him. It worked.

Ava Jadore
07-01-2008, 12:58 PM
DR: "Yeah, cause we actually have 5 girls by that name who hula hoop.
DS: "Really? That's crazy! (Totally believes me. ) Well, you're much better looking than the one I met."


Hahahaha...I love how easily the men folk forget. Most nights I change my outfit and they forget that they already met me like 20 minutes ago...in a different dress. It's like I am a whole new person ;D !

That guy takes take the cake though :D !

JDanielle
07-01-2008, 01:21 PM
I was dressing after a set on the bar stage and I had about 10 bucks on my stage. Two girls walk in, walk right over to me, and one of them starts picking the dollars up off my stage. I looked at her friend and her like they were both crazy, then grabbed each dollar out of her hand as she picked it up until I had all my money back. While I was doing this, she looked up and started talking to me.

Her: Where can we go where there's not perverts?
Me: What?
Her: You know, where there's no gross guys. Where can we go?
Me: Um, the best place to start would be...not a strip club I guess.

She looked totally perplexed by that suggestion and they wandered off.

--

Saturday my roommate and I had a 2hr CR with a couple rednecks. The one I was with would stop in the middle of a sentence, or interrupt me, to lean forward and yell in my face "BIG LINES OF COCAINE IN MY HOTEL ROOM! WHAT DO YOU THINK?! BIIIIIG LINES OF COKE!" at the top of his voice.

--

The day before that I got a long string of dances with a guy who did nothing but look at the ceiling and babble compulsively about eTrade.

cutey5032
07-01-2008, 01:40 PM
DS: "I'm sorry about earlier. I guess what I should have said was that this is a much better look for you."
DR: (Laughing) "Honey, look at you (slow once-over on this short, fat, balding, computer geeky dude). Do you think someone who looks like me gives a shit what someone who looks like you has to say about it?"

It was probably the most shallow thing I've ever said, but I wanted to hurt him. It worked.

Dottie Rebel, I love you!!!!!!!

ViolaStrings
07-01-2008, 01:52 PM
I was dressing after a set on the bar stage and I had about 10 bucks on my stage. Two girls walk in, walk right over to me, and one of them starts picking the dollars up off my stage. I looked at her friend and her like they were both crazy, then grabbed each dollar out of her hand as she picked it up until I had all my money back. While I was doing this, she looked up and started talking to me.

Her: Where can we go where there's not perverts?
Me: What?
Her: You know, where there's no gross guys. Where can we go?
Me: Um, the best place to start would be...not a strip club I guess.

She looked totally perplexed by that suggestion and they wandered off.

They were taking your money off the stage?! Seriously?

Alaska
07-01-2008, 01:56 PM
Last night a guy I was with kept telling me "I love your tong." "It looks so great! Look at your tong. I love the color. That tong looks so great on you."


Okay, it became slightly less funny when I realized that he didn't pronounce any th's, but....itz funny.

Ava Jadore
07-01-2008, 02:00 PM
Saturday my roommate and I had a 2hr CR with a couple rednecks. The one I was with would stop in the middle of a sentence, or interrupt me, to lean forward and yell in my face "BIG LINES OF COCAINE IN MY HOTEL ROOM! WHAT DO YOU THINK?! BIIIIIG LINES OF COKE!" at the top of his voice.



That is too funny! LaBo was sorta crazy on Saturday. I did a string of dances with a guy that kept offering me extasy over and over even though I had politely assured him that I was not interested.

After 4 dances he ran out of cash so he said he would pay for some more dances with the extasy ::) !

Ummm...nope.... time to get the hell of the chair and for me to find the next idiot LOL!

JDanielle
07-01-2008, 04:55 PM
After 4 dances he ran out of cash so he said he would pay for some more dances with the extasy ::) !


But you're a stripper, you must be popping something :P


They were taking your money off the stage?! Seriously?

Yeah, at first she didn't even look at me, just made a beeline for my stage and started picking up the money like it was hers. She didn't resist or even seem to notice when I grabbed it back, so I didn't make a big deal.

Sveta
07-01-2008, 05:56 PM
customer: "you don't like yourself very much, do you? I can tell."
me: "huh?"
customer: "I can tell because you dye your hair. If you had self-esteem and liked yourself, you wouldn't have to change your hair to make men like you."

/:O? oooookay then.

Dottie Rebel
07-01-2008, 07:26 PM
^^Some guy told me last night that women who get boob jobs are 3x more likely to commit suicide than women who do not. And then he talked about the crusades for about a hald an hour. Fuck it. For 20 bucks a song you can tell me whatever you like.

Lysondra
07-01-2008, 09:13 PM
^^Some guy told me last night that women who get boob jobs are 3x more likely to commit suicide than women who do not. And then he talked about the crusades for about a hald an hour. Fuck it. For 20 bucks a song you can tell me whatever you like.

I heard there's truth to that... but why I would tell that to my stripper while trying to shove dollars in her gstring is beyond me...