View Full Version : Stupid Customer Comments
dancerchick
07-29-2008, 12:20 AM
Sadly, I have had this conversation over a hundered times in the past five years.
Cust. "Do you have any kids?"
Me "Yes, I have a five year old daughter"
Cust. "Does somebody watch her while you're at work?"
Me "No. I left her at home with a book of matches and a bottle of tequila. She'll be fine 'til I get home.
Fucking dumbasses
RoseLeigh
07-29-2008, 12:28 AM
Some guy told me he didn't want a ld, because I was 'a little too thick' , but he wanted to know ALL about me. WHY? Seriously. If I'm too fat to dance for you, I'm too fat to talk to you. ::)
gingerlee
07-29-2008, 12:49 AM
I was at work Saturday doing a show and a guy came to my stage. As he started throwing money at me he looked me dead in the face and said, 'Girl, take this money. I want you to go and do something so you don't look like you're 12, it makes me sick.'
I looked him and asked why the fuck he was giving me money if I made him sick. All he did was throw some more money at me and grumble something as he walked away.
txchick008
07-29-2008, 04:04 AM
after that he tried to write a check for a dance.
OMFG!!!!!!!! }:D }:D }:D }:D That's funny as hell!!!!!
CKXXX
07-29-2008, 09:01 AM
I had a guy Sat night...Mexican guy who didnt speak very good English. After a stunted conversation he told me that he has a girlfriend and they are thinking of getting married and having kids....I say good for you! He asks if I have kids..I say no. He asks when I will have some. I say I dont want any.
He looks at me like I have suddenly sprouted another head.
"NO kids...EVER??? Why???? You no like fucky-fucky????"
I laughed and said.."no..fucky fucky is good...I just dont want kids from it"
He was still shaking his head when I walked away..just the THOUGHT of anyone being childless by choice was SO foreign to him he couldnt wrap his brain around it!
indianprincess
07-30-2008, 12:18 AM
I had a guy Sat night...Mexican guy who didnt speak very good English. After a stunted conversation he told me that he has a girlfriend and they are thinking of getting married and having kids....I say good for you! He asks if I have kids..I say no. He asks when I will have some. I say I dont want any.
He looks at me like I have suddenly sprouted another head.
"NO kids...EVER??? Why???? You no like fucky-fucky????"
And then you're like, "NO I don't FUCKY KIDS."
Pervert.
JDanielle
07-30-2008, 01:50 AM
Can't stand the phrase 'fucky-fucky'.
There's a customer who comes around sometimes on weekends. I sat with him for awhile, we chatted, then I asked for a dance. He said,
"Oh, I only get dances from girls who don't ask for them."
Right, and I only give dances to customers who don't want them. What the hell is the point of that? What a stupid mindset.
Edit: Another one that's kind of old. I was doing a stage set and when I got down on all fours, this one guy kept leaning over to look straight at my vagina, which I wax, by the way. He examined it for a minute, then asked,
"Are you Italian? You're Italian aren't you? I can tell."
iambonbon05
07-30-2008, 01:10 PM
Last night this guy came in that freaked me out before when I first met him because he is one of those irritating guys that you always have conversations that go: "I want to take you out, but if you say no that's ok" "No" "I want to take you out..."
Anyway all the other customers were taken and I needed my drink quota and to look busy and I knew he was good at least for that. So I sit with him a while.
He mentions this girlfriend he had that died (though this time from a drug overdose. I'm pretty sure last time it was a car crash) and that his niece is driving him nuts because he's trying to help her out and she just keeps partying and stuff like that.
A few drinks later he's talking about how he's done it all and he's fucked over 200 women. And he wants to fuck his niece (who is 18 and presumably not actually related to him, but still!)
NEXT!
Amber_Sparxx
07-30-2008, 07:43 PM
I was at work Saturday doing a show and a guy came to my stage. As he started throwing money at me he looked me dead in the face and said, 'Girl, take this money. I want you to go and do something so you don't look like you're 12, it makes me sick.'
I looked him and asked why the fuck he was giving me money if I made him sick. All he did was throw some more money at me and grumble something as he walked away.
Holy effing crap!!! I don't know if that's funny or pathetic, it makes me sad that happened on your last night out there....:-\ Great shows, btw, hope to see you back soon! And you are so very beautiful, he's probably just pissed off that he could never be with a girl like you...grrr >:(. Funny though that he threw even more money afterwards. Verrry strange creatures, they are.
cinammonkisses
07-30-2008, 08:23 PM
I looked him and asked why the fuck he was giving me money if I made him sick. All he did was throw some more money at me and grumble something as he walked away.
I woudl've just kept following his ass around to get more $$$ :D
Elvia
07-30-2008, 08:33 PM
^^^ That's what I was thinking, CK.
"Uh...hmmm...it might take a little more than this. I look REALLY young huh?"
CKXXX
07-30-2008, 09:56 PM
^^^ That's what I was thinking, CK.
"Uh...hmmm...it might take a little more than this. I look REALLY young huh?"
I would too...hair pulled into pigtails..."Is THIS better Daddy"??
Just freak him out and make him give you more money. Would be a fun game!
gingerlee
07-30-2008, 10:40 PM
Holy effing crap!!! I don't know if that's funny or pathetic, it makes me sad that happened on your last night out there....:-\ Great shows, btw, hope to see you back soon! And you are so very beautiful, he's probably just pissed off that he could never be with a girl like you...grrr >:(. Funny though that he threw even more money afterwards. Verrry strange creatures, they are.
Thank you ma'am. You amused the hell out of me all week. :P
And as for that guy.....I found it kind of funny that he would walk his ass all the way up to the stage to give me money so I could stop 'making him sick'. I kinda wanted to mock him afterwards but I couldn't find him.
ediblecrayonz
07-31-2008, 09:44 PM
A few weeks ago I was talking to a 40-something, run of the mill, strip-club-goer. There was a lull in the conversation and he pulls out, like its nothing, "So I just finished dp-ing my wife earlier and-"
Me: (nodding along) "Uh-huh... wait... dp, like, double penetration dp?"
Him: "Yeah"
Me: "Well okay," He continues to describe the experience to me...
Him: "Well it was cool but it was kinda wierd because our balls kept knocking together. It kind of hurt actually."
It was surprising because he looked like such a normal and kinda shy guy. His stories got more interesting as the night went on and he got more drunk.
(A girl with rather prolific pubic hair is on stage)
Him: I like girls with some pubic hair. You should grow a bush.
Me: Hmmm.. I don't know. It would be nice not to have to shave so often.
Him: You could make good money off of that.
Me: How so?
Him: Well you could shave it off and sell it.
Me: To who?
Him: On ebay! You can buy pubes on ebay.
Me: (cocks head to one side) Really, how much do they cost?
Him: Oh, about 30 bucks for a good sized bush.
Me: What would someone want to do with a bunch of pubes anyway?
Him: Well some guys like to eat them on salads...
Me: (unable to hide look of horror as he continues unnecessarily)
Him: You can't wash them for a couple of days before hand though. They have to be nice and sweaty. The dirtier the better.
I simply could not believe I was having that conversation. Overall nice guy though, I just wished he didn't feel the need to share with me quite so much.
rubyredlipsss
07-31-2008, 09:50 PM
^hahahaha...that made me laugh out loud.
(going to look into selling pubes now.) haha iiicck
ediblecrayonz
07-31-2008, 09:52 PM
^ I couldn't resist the temptation of looking on ebay myself, but I wasn't able to find anything. They probably have a code name for them. Either that or they go really fast. Tell me if you find anything.
LoveComesFromWithin
07-31-2008, 09:59 PM
^ewww, on salad? gross
hot4ablackchick
07-31-2008, 10:19 PM
There was this stupid, fat, gross, custie who reeked of fried chicken, who kept following myself, and another dancer around all night. We kept trying to avoid him, but he'd always come over and tell us irrelevant stories and make jackass comments.
In the middle of another one of his lame stories he starts to cough. Me and fellow dancer back away in disgust, and my friends says, "Ew, thanks for the Tuberculosis." Annoying custy looks confused and says, "Naw I don't even smoke." We were like ummm ok, TB isn't a "smoker's disease." Jackass
Fionaver
08-02-2008, 01:38 AM
Here's one from about a month ago:
Giving a customer a lapdance, take bottoms off, and he's looking at my landing strip.
HIM: Do you do that by yourself?
ME: ... No, my brother helps me.
Do I really look that incompetent? I mean, I'm a natural blonde, but still....
(His expression was priceless. Don't think he got a repeat though.)
Crow2
08-02-2008, 07:29 AM
Geezus, speaking of clueless men - sitting with this fellow. Grown man obviously, telling me about his retirement..
Him: "Her nipples are REALLY brown."
Me: "You mean her aureole?"
He was simply fascinated by the brown-ness of tanned boobs. He kept asking me over and over what that " part" was called..
Yeah yeah.. read something you old crusty fart.
paintgoddess
08-02-2008, 05:16 PM
I dance for a guy, hold out my garter, and say my usual cute "You wanna stick it in me?" He pays for the lap dance and I tell him I have to go on stage. He leans in and tells me, "I don't know if you realize it, but what you just said has two meanings. Never mind, I'll explain it to you when you get off of stage."
No shit, Sherlock.
ExoticEngineer
08-02-2008, 05:24 PM
I dance for a guy, hold out my garter, and say my usual cute "You wanna stick it in me?" He pays for the lap dance and I tell him I have to go on stage. He leans in and tells me, "I don't know if you realize it, but what you just said has two meanings. Never mind, I'll explain it to you when you get off of stage."
No shit, Sherlock.
Hey! I say that too! "Do you want to stick it in?" Nice! ^5.
So last night, sitting at the bar, this guy is trying to get me to go home with him, as he's talking he keeps leaning close and closer, while I keep leaning further and further to my left, so I just sit up and move forward real quick. He almost falls off the stool.
I say to him "Your equilibrium seems to be off honey."
"What the fuck does that mean?!?!"
"Your head and your ass are moving in different directions."
thechaosfairy
08-03-2008, 02:17 AM
I had a guy Sat night...Mexican guy who didnt speak very good English. After a stunted conversation he told me that he has a girlfriend and they are thinking of getting married and having kids....I say good for you! He asks if I have kids..I say no. He asks when I will have some. I say I dont want any.
He looks at me like I have suddenly sprouted another head.
"NO kids...EVER??? Why???? You no like fucky-fucky????"
I laughed and said.."no..fucky fucky is good...I just dont want kids from it"
He was still shaking his head when I walked away..just the THOUGHT of anyone being childless by choice was SO foreign to him he couldnt wrap his brain around it!
I got this ALLLLLL the TIIIIIME in China, minus the "no like fucky-fucky" part.
I got used to explaining "kids take too much time and too much money -- and Americans are different." It was that last bit that convinced them, really.
Once I encountered a young lady, friend of a student, who didn't want kids either, and she was ecstatic that I believed her -- I was apparently the first one to listen.
As far as I can tell, the less protection there is for people who fall through the cracks, the more people want to have kids and the more kids they want to have -- family loyalty is the chief option available for people to be taken care of in their old age, or if they get sick.
NewMoon
08-03-2008, 11:13 AM
Saturday night....... a huge young crowd. I ask a guy who looks about 19 if he would like a dance. He accepts and we go to the lapdance area. Before I start, he tells me:
"Just so you know, I don't have any money so I can't actually pay you for these dances."
ViolaStrings
08-03-2008, 12:59 PM
^ WHAT?! What the fuck was he thinking? Seriously, what do you think was going on in his head that he thought a stripper was going to give him free dances?
I think people think we HAVE to dance for them (like we can't refuse if they're willing to pay), or we're paid a wage to entertain the crowd for free, or we make so much money that it's no big deal for us to give away free dances.
Crow2
08-03-2008, 01:31 PM
ViolaStrings[/LEFT];1649950]^ WHAT?! What the fuck was he thinking? Seriously, what do you think was going on in his head that he thought a stripper was going to give him free dances?
I think people think we HAVE to dance for them (like we can't refuse if they're willing to pay), or we're paid a wage to entertain the crowd for free, or we make so much money that it's no big deal for us to give away free dances.
Had that happen to me; followed by a sincere look of shock when he watched my behind .. leaving.
Amazing!
haleym
08-03-2008, 01:38 PM
Dumbass custie: Are those real? (points at boobies)
Me: Yup, natural!
Dumbass custie: Are you sure?
Umm... No dumbass I got a BA in my sleep one night that I didn't know about?! :O
xParisx
08-03-2008, 09:16 PM
asked a guy on fri if he wanted a dance...he said yes (looking very excited), took him to the dance area where he sat on the arm of the chair then fell off (drunk) then sat on the seat and proceeded to tell me "i only have $20....and i want that for drinks" (all slurred of course)
i promptly left.
txchick008
08-04-2008, 03:23 AM
Saturday night....... a huge young crowd. I ask a guy who looks about 19 if he would like a dance. He accepts and we go to the lapdance area. Before I start, he tells me:
"Just so you know, I don't have any money so I can't actually pay you for these dances."
What a f'ing idiot.
At least he told you BEFORE you started! :O
ViolaStrings
08-06-2008, 09:10 PM
I walked up to some old guy. It was 9 PM, and I had just gotten to work. During our conversation, I surmised that he had been there for the whole day shift and was staying there to sober up. He was REALLY drunk. He asked why I don't work days, and I explained that there's just something weird to me about getting naked for money in a dark club when the sun is out. I don't know how he came to the conclusion that I don't like to be naked AT ALL during the day, but he MADE me agree with him that the best days of your life "you're naked out on a boat or in a field..." This guy was a fat fuck, too.
thechaosfairy
08-06-2008, 10:32 PM
OMG, I just remembered this one -- I think I was blotting it out of my mind.
This guy came in and he said he liked my shoulders, so I mentioned I used to be on a swim team when I was a kid. He proceeded to harangue and ask me questions about swimming. "Do you do butterfly stroke? Butterfly stroke is great! I have a pool. Come swim in my pool. I sit by my pool and talk to the Mexicans next door. I tell them they're in America and should learn English.* I tell girls walking by that they should come and swim in the pool, but they don't like me. You should come swim in my pool."
..And on, and on. He just kept getting more lewd and more racist. He was in his fifties or so and looked pretty sharp but talked like he had a mild mental or social disability. Sorry, bub -- not an excuse to be a fuckin' asshole. I've worked with Down's syndrome kids and they might have been less measurably intelligent, but they weren't idiots. Idiocy is an action, not a condition, and this guy was a raging idiot. When ignoring him didn't work, I just told him to fuck off and wandered as far away as possible.
*For those non US-types, the US does not actually have an official language.
Perry
08-07-2008, 12:43 AM
I was sitting with two really nice, late 30's early 40 something guys. They were really funny and nice, but when I danced for one he was begging to see my kitty. And he's a gynocologist... :O
Lady Xplicit18
08-07-2008, 12:57 AM
I was sitting with two really nice, late 30's early 40 something guys. They were really funny and nice, but when I danced for one he was begging to see my kitty. And he's a gynocologist... :O
Now I REALLY don't want to go back for my annual exam.
Crow2
08-07-2008, 02:49 PM
Dancing for this old guy with a dangly earring ;
" Do you ever get yourself off doing this?"
Whaaaa? Sure, all the time, while your trying to recapture your youth you pos.
txchick008
08-07-2008, 03:20 PM
This happened today:
Custie- "Don't ever get pregnant, you'll ruin this beautiful body".
Me - *laughing* "I have 2 little girls at home".
Nothing like a big ignorant caveman to start the shift! The look on his face was priceless though.
rubyredlipsss
08-07-2008, 04:37 PM
more funny than stupid:
custie: "i forgot to wear my false tooth today, seeeee?"
iambonbon05
08-07-2008, 04:46 PM
I was sitting with two really nice, late 30's early 40 something guys. They were really funny and nice, but when I danced for one he was begging to see my kitty. And he's a gynocologist... :O
And this is why, no matter what anyone says, I will always ONLY see female gynos.
Ew.
ViolaStrings
08-07-2008, 05:10 PM
This happened today:
Custie- "Don't ever get pregnant, you'll ruin this beautiful body".
Me - *laughing* "I have 2 little girls at home".
Nothing like a big ignorant caveman to start the shift! The look on his face was priceless though.
His wife must have used pregnancy as an excuse to blow up and stay that way.
Wild_Flower
08-07-2008, 10:28 PM
custie: wow ur beautiful
me: thanks
c: will you marry me
me: huh
c: i love you
me: umm u dont know me
c: but i love you ill speak to your parents about it and they will say yes
me: ?
Pretty_Penny
08-07-2008, 10:48 PM
i work dayshift. today i was sitting with a customer and before "shift change" he looks right at me and says "so is it true what they say?" and i go "what's that?" and he says "that things get better at night..." and i'm like "????" and he explains "i mean that the night girls are hotter...."
dude.
fucking. fuck. you.
>_<
i really fucking hate when guys pull that shit with me. "why won't they LET you work nights?" .... "you look young, but you probably aren't cause you're on days huh?" ......
jesus christ. I WORK DAYS BY CHOICE ASSHOLES. and here's a big newsflash, I HAVE FEELINGS.
i work nights sometimes and when i tell guys i "normally work days" they're like "WHAT? WHY? YOU'RE HOT."
arrrgrghsgdyfg7438y543jr5hjrekrewrew.
oh and.. i must be attracting exceptionally retarded assholes this week because yesterday a customer i was sitting with and dancing for, for hours, had this conversation with me:
customer: can i tell you something and you won't get mad?
me: i don't know. depends on what you tell me.
customer: ok... well... when i first saw you from far away i wasn't attracted to you because i'm not into short hair.
me: fair enough
customer: (he really should have stopped there) then you got closer and i was like "uhhgg goth girls are so unattractive"
me: *stare*
customer: but then you started talking to me and did the first dance and then i saw you have a fucking awesome body....
me: *stare*
customer: and you smell really good
me: *stare*
customer: is that mean?
me: you should get more dances
customer: ok (buys 2 more dances) then proceeds to tell me he's in love with me and he wants me to leave marks on him so he can get in a fight with his wife about it later.
*sigh* what the fucking hell is wrong with some guys? it's like, you basically just said to me
"normally i find your look repulsive, but i like your ass and perfume. wanna help me cause drama in my marriage?"
...........*stares*
*sigh* what the fucking hell is wrong with some guys? it's like, you basically just said to me
"normally i find your look repulsive, but i like your ass and perfume. wanna help me cause drama in my marriage?"
...........*stares*
Sounds like you need a bit of
winterrose
08-08-2008, 01:49 AM
tonight I saw a customer try to take back his tips from the main stage girl he had just tipped. She held her cool though, she only cussed him out.
For whatever reason, she threw the money he tipped her back at him, cussing the whole time, then he still wasn't happy and tried to crawl onto the stage to take more of her money that he didn't tip her.
Security intervened at this point and threw him out.
The nerve of some people
Pretty_Penny
08-08-2008, 10:09 AM
Sounds like you need a bit of "Song for the Ladies." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM)
lololol i LOVE that song. i first saw it like 4 months ago and i've watched it a billion times since.
i wish i had the balls to dance to it at work. lol
Elusive21
08-08-2008, 10:37 AM
I can finally contribute to this thread!
Yesterday, sitting with a customer, talking. I had a little bit of a smudge on my foot from the shoes. customer points to it and says, "Wow! Is that a tatoo? Why would you have a tatoo on your toes?"
CKXXX
08-08-2008, 10:39 AM
Guy last night..tells me he is a neurosurgeon,then bitches about the price of a CR. So I tell him that if $300 is too much for him,he must not be a very good surgeon.
He gets a few dances and before he leaves he says ...all serious..."you are a beautiful girl and very special.....dont EVER sell yourself short....you'd make a GREAT trophy wife"
woo hoo.....I'll shoot for the stars there dude thanks!
xParisx
08-08-2008, 11:21 AM
custie: wow ur beautiful
me: thanks
c: will you marry me
me: huh
c: i love you
me: umm u dont know me
c: but i love you ill speak to your parents about it and they will say yes
me: ?
omg i've had 2 guys propose to me at work...one was on a busy night (like packed..) and he full on got down on one knee and proceeded to recite this whole poem thing to me...i think i was trying not to laugh and/or freak out..god knows what the other guys were thinking..
Cameo
08-08-2008, 02:22 PM
There's this man that's been coming to my club, apparently for years (a super-regular?) and he introduces himself to me as 'the preacher'. He always pulls the "you should get a real job" or "you work here cause you were abused" crap on girls all the time. So I guess it was my turn to be preached to...
Preacher guy: Let me look at you. I'll guess your ethnicity.
Me: All right. *makes eye contact*
P: You're Irish and Black.
Me: Really? I have pale skin and straight brown hair.
P: Whatever, tell me little background story then...
Me: I'm dutch and native american.
P: No you're not. You're not fat and ugly.
Me: Thanks, but I am native american.
P: No, because all indian bitches are fat and have giant block heads. You're too slender and delicate looking. You just want to seem exotic and foriegn.
Me: Well we are in America. Hence, Native American. How is that foriegn?
He goes on and on about the ugliness of Native Americans! Makes me soo mad. Just because he might have seem some hefty native girls doesn't mean we're all the same. He started being so racist! :O
AlexxaHex
08-08-2008, 02:38 PM
I sure hope he was paying you REALLY well to have that shitty conversation.
Dottie Rebel
08-08-2008, 03:21 PM
P: No, because all indian bitches are fat and have giant block heads. You're too slender and delicate looking. You just want to seem exotic and foriegn.
Oh. My. God. Just the idea that anyone, ever would think of American Indians/Native Americans as either "exotic" or "foreign" absolutely breaks my heart. I weep for the way they have been pillaged, decimated, and desecrated.
Wow. He really took it to heart when they sang "This land is your land, this land is my land." Bullshit. It doesn't belong to any of us wasichus.
Cameo
08-08-2008, 03:26 PM
I just shook my head and let it go. Let him think he's such a know it all... We all laughed and talked crap about him after he left. Even the manager hates him!
There's no cure for people that dumb and ignorant!