View Full Version : Stupid Customer Comments
CherryonTop
09-20-2008, 11:45 PM
I was on stage last night and crawling along a bar further out in the crowd, there were two guys sitting on it who were well dressed, so I was extra smiley to them, slid to face them on my knees with my legs spread, and asked how their night was. They said 'good, we're just talking about the financial crisis and how it's going to affect this country... but you wouldn't understand anything about that would you?"
!!!
I was fuming. Cunts.
I had a real lespirit descalier with it though - got back stage and was like 'damnit, should have come up with something like "no, really to be honest, economics was never my forte at school, but I did just finish my BA with Hons, would you care to come discuss Kerouac, Medieval literature or perhaps something a bit easier, Shakespeare or perhaps political theatre?"
But seriously, we're all business people, of COURSE we're fucking aware of this shit.
Hmph.
indianprincess
09-21-2008, 09:21 PM
I was on stage last night and crawling along a bar further out in the crowd, there were two guys sitting on it who were well dressed, so I was extra smiley to them, slid to face them on my knees with my legs spread, and asked how their night was. They said 'good, we're just talking about the financial crisis and how it's going to affect this country... but you wouldn't understand anything about that would you?"
...
Blargh. Don't be mad, they're just depressed because they can't afford your hot ass. Cheapos. Stupid financial crisis.
CKXXX
09-22-2008, 10:35 AM
Last night...this is a nonstop question/answer....with him doing both...why I have no idea
So do you like black guys(this guy was white)
yeah of course you do
have you ever takena guy in the back and fucked the shit out of him
of course you have
do you date customers
of course you do
have you ever fucked a black guy(he was obsessed with black guys for some reason)
yeah you have
So whos the biggest whore in here....who will give me a blow job...
(yelling at me now)Wait....why are you walking away????
Yekhefah
09-22-2008, 10:50 AM
^^^ Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ViolaStrings
09-22-2008, 02:11 PM
^ LMAO
Charlie Murphy!
dangerousdiva
09-22-2008, 04:59 PM
At my club our funny money comes in chips.
I did an hour with this guy on his CC and the host comes to bring me my chips.
Guy: Ooh, I want those as a souvenir!
Me: Sure you can pay me the equivalent in cash and then you can take them.
Guy: What you won't just give them to me?
Me: No, that's how I get paid but I'll sell you just a $20 chip if you want (still trying to be nice)
Guy: That's fucked up you won't even give me a souvenir after I just spent over $500 on you.
Dumb ass! Chips as souvenirs???
ViolaStrings
09-22-2008, 07:52 PM
^ OMFG what a fucking retard. I would hammer punch him in the clavicle.
fantasiarene
09-23-2008, 01:39 AM
I'm gathering up my money before I get off stage friday night and a black lady asks "you got any black in you?" I shake my head no and she goes on to say "you want some?" I just smiled and laughed. I thought it was more funny than stupid.
Saturday night I'm walking around the floor in a pink lightning dress and this guy calls me over. He proceeds to look me up and down in a weird way and says "you're shiny."
me: Thank you
*keeps looking me up and down so I begin to walk off
him: 36c right?
me: *dirty look* that's none of your business *walks off*
MonicaF
09-23-2008, 02:34 AM
My all time most hated - yet most common comment from clients/customers and nowdays fans: "You're black but you don't sound black."
When u see me on CNN for blowing a guy's head off most likely it's because his last words were the above.
Yekhefah
09-23-2008, 08:14 AM
I had a great one last night.
Him: "You have glasses."
Me: "Yep."
Him: "Are you blind or something?"
Me: "Without my glasses, yes."
Him: "Why?"
... I had no answer, really.
He then proceeded to tell me that if I read "this book Dianetics" then I probably wouldn't need my glasses anymore, but I could still wear them if I wanted to just to be pretty. He also repeatedly told me that he was a millionaire (he was tiny, skinny, and mildly retarded) and he had booked the whole top floor of the Hilton but he hadn't seen it yet, and I should come hang out with him because he wasn't horny. Oh, and all his money was in a bank account in outer space; that made it kind of difficult to get cash, but he could buy things on the internet.
He got one dance and spent the whole song with his arms wrapped around himself, staring at the wall and whining that he was cold. He didn't really look at me, except to giggle when I took my dress off. Afterward he tried to tell me there was vodka in his huge glass of cranberry juice (there wasn't), so I bet I could outdrink him and he bought me two drinks. ::)
Crow2
09-23-2008, 08:16 AM
I'm gathering up my money before I get off stage friday night and a black lady asks "you got any black in you?" I shake my head no and she goes on to say "you want some?" I just smiled and laughed. I thought it was more funny than stupid.
Saturday night I'm walking around the floor in a pink lightning dress and this guy calls me over. He proceeds to look me up and down in a weird way and says "you're shiny."
me: Thank you
*keeps looking me up and down so I begin to walk off
him: 36c right?
me: *dirty look* that's none of your business *walks off*
Thats hilarious! Guys always say .. " So, your like a D cup, right?"
No dumbass, it's G as in OhmyGOD! .. hehehehe
CKXXX
09-23-2008, 10:13 AM
I had a great one last night.
Him: "You have glasses."
Me: "Yep."
Him: "Are you blind or something?"
Me: "Without my glasses, yes."
Him: "Why?"
... I had no answer, really.
He then proceeded to tell me that if I read "this book Dianetics" then I probably wouldn't need my glasses anymore, but I could still wear them if I wanted to just to be pretty. He also repeatedly told me that he was a millionaire (he was tiny, skinny, and mildly retarded) and he had booked the whole top floor of the Hilton but he hadn't seen it yet, and I should come hang out with him because he wasn't horny. Oh, and all his money was in a bank account in outer space; that made it kind of difficult to get cash, but he could buy things on the internet.
He got one dance and spent the whole song with his arms wrapped around himself, staring at the wall and whining that he was cold. He didn't really look at me, except to giggle when I took my dress off. Afterward he tried to tell me there was vodka in his huge glass of cranberry juice (there wasn't), so I bet I could outdrink him and he bought me two drinks. ::)
Whoa...GOD I miss Portland. I want to come back RIGHT NOW!!!
You should have said HAIL MIGHTY XENU!!! He would have given you the password to his outer space ATM!!
JayATee
09-24-2008, 10:19 PM
During a lap dance that the custie was pretty into...
"Oh my god, you soooo remind me of my daughter"
/:O
NewMoon
09-25-2008, 11:51 PM
Less stupid and more weird:
I was dancing for a man who wanted to talk about student/prof sex fantasies. I did so gladly. Then when we were done he told me he was (or still is??) a prof at my university. And I totally believe him :O
Amber_Sparxx
09-27-2008, 03:00 AM
My all time most hated - yet most common comment from clients/customers and nowdays fans: "You're black but you don't sound black."
When u see me on CNN for blowing a guy's head off most likely it's because his last words were the above.
As a hot chick who works with hot chicks of all races, I HATE when I hear a guy say, "You're hot for a black chick!" WTF dude? (Yeah, I know I'm not black, but it's just so outrageously uncouth! Once I walked by a chick I work with just as she was receiving this comment, and (I'm not normally snippy at all, with customers or girls) I couldn't help but respond with, "Wow, you don't smell too funky for being so fat!" Totally unexpected, the dancer who was about to fly into a rage burst into uproarious laughter! It feels good to know that most of us are smarter than most of them. :P
Pretty_Penny
09-27-2008, 11:21 AM
after i get off stage (and was not tipped a single dollar during my set) a customer approaches me to tell me i'm the best dancer he's ever seen. he keeps gushing and complimenting me. after a minute or two i say thanks and smile really big and then lightly make a comment (still sounding positive) about how no one tipped me and no one has tipped anyone on stage in the last couple hours.
then the customer tells me "oh i don't spend money in these kinds of places. i'm not -that guy- etc. etc (mentions he'd rather take someone to a nice dinner)..... i just wanted to compliment you because you're a really great dancer" so after he says all that (which im sure you've all heard before) i'm like "yeah well, i love dancing, but it's also my job. you know, what i do to pay the bills...." (and i'm still trying to sound upbeat). at this point he gets kind of pissy and says something like "you can't even take a fucking compliment without trying to get my money?!?!"
omg.
wt-fing-*bangsheadonwall*-FUCK
gingerlee
09-27-2008, 08:25 PM
^^What a fuckwit.
ellebelle
09-27-2008, 10:28 PM
Cheap Fucker: What will you do for $5?
Me: Smile?
Cheap Fucker: What I can get that shit for free. Don't you know the value of money?
Me: Yeah I know that $5 doesn't get you shit all these days.
WTF. $5?! I had heaps of $5 wankers last night. Some other guy asked me if I would get nude for him for $5. Stupid economy.
Crow2
09-30-2008, 12:17 PM
This was told to me last night while Mister smooth was trying to negotiate for some booty...
" But, I bought Facebook.. Nononon.. Not the orginal Facebook, The OTHER Facebook."
I could not do anything but walk away giggling.
Kyleigh1984
09-30-2008, 02:10 PM
This was told to me last night while Mister smooth was trying to negotiate for some booty...
" But, I bought Facebook.. Nononon.. Not the orginal Facebook, The OTHER Facebook."
I could not do anything but walk away giggling.
Haha dumbass
MissAlethea
09-30-2008, 02:40 PM
I knew it was gonna be a bad night last night when my first stage of the night had this guy:
"I'll only tip you if you're a good, god-fearing republican! Do you love Jesus?"
I just looked at him... I mean really? I get that everybody has their own views, but does this guy have any idea how many of the seven deadly sins he's committing by even being there? There's lust (obviously), gluttony (he was on his third absurdly overpriced scotch, with a burger chaser), greed (no tippy tippy), sloth (yeah buddy, make no effort to clean up the ketchup from your aforementioned burger that's ON MY STAGE NOW), and anger (when he was totally infuriated that I didn't immediately pledge my allegience to his chosen viewpoint).... 5 out of 7 isn't too bad, I guess? :O
I'm certainly no saint, but I don't go around putting on impromptu naked faith revivals....
MichelleJade
09-30-2008, 02:48 PM
The other night this old guy was following me around the club. I went up to him, and he started grabbing at my thighs and butt. He says 'you turn me into a different person. I could kill you.'
I usually don't move that fast in heels.
MichelleJade
09-30-2008, 02:52 PM
Okay, sorry, I have another one. Canadians, eh?
This one guy, yes he had been drinking, he was down from Canada, he just about hit every stupid comment possible. 'You have such a nice smile. It'd look so good with my dick in your mouth. Can you come home with us? I'll give you $300. Some of your friends agreed to. I bet your pussy is so tight. My friend can do you from behind while...'
This is about the place where I walked away... laughing.
NewMoon
09-30-2008, 03:50 PM
^^^He was probably from Quebec :P
ellebelle
09-30-2008, 07:43 PM
Thai Tourist: How big? D? *has my boobs in his hands*
Me: Bigger
Thai Tourist:Whoaaaaaaaa! Bigger than a paw paw!
.... paw paw?
MissAlethea
09-30-2008, 08:48 PM
^^ it's a fruit. A tasty, tasty fruit. Probably *almost* as tasty as the aforementioned boobies... ;D
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pawpaw
Lysondra
10-01-2008, 03:08 AM
Yeah but since when is a pawpaw a Dcup? hahahahaha.
Crow2
10-01-2008, 12:31 PM
Boobs equal Fruit? Okay thats just strange..
I had a man tell me I was .. " Purtier than a litter of speckled pups."
Unnh.. thanks? I think?
Perry
10-01-2008, 12:40 PM
A customer at the tip rail had a dollar in his mouth. I just smiled, and took it with my hand - but he wouldn't let go! Dip shit wanted me to take it with MY mouth like some of the other girls do ::) I got pissed, and just yanked it and a corner ripped off. The dude glared at me and ate what was left of the dollar :O
Not a comment - but a nasty-mouth moment counts, right?
charlie61
10-01-2008, 02:28 PM
^^ Lol he was probably just trying to make it "look natural" to the other people watching.
Elvia
10-01-2008, 08:02 PM
A customer at the tip rail had a dollar in his mouth. I just smiled, and took it with my hand - but he wouldn't let go! Dip shit wanted me to take it with MY mouth like some of the other girls do ::) I got pissed, and just yanked it and a corner ripped off. The dude glared at me and ate what was left of the dollar :O
Not a comment - but a nasty-mouth moment counts, right?
OMG. This had me laughing for about 3 minutes straight. That would have made my night.
holiday
10-01-2008, 09:23 PM
I was trying to sell dances to a group of OBNOXIOUS drunk guys.
Me: Can I give you a private dance now?
Guy 1: No thanks.
Guy 2: You're really hot.
Me: Thanks, so let's me and you do a dance..
Guy 2: No, I don't have money for that..show me your boobs though.
Veronica Bush
10-01-2008, 09:29 PM
I am always lounging in the champagne room where your credit ranking must be at $5,000 or above... so the men are more subtle and serious with their time... thank god.
DesuvsDeath
10-01-2008, 11:29 PM
customer; How much for a dance?
me; 20 topless. 40 nude.
customer; Oh, I don't have that much money. How much to sit and talk? Wait, nevermind... I guess I'll go to the ATM since you're too much of a fucking bitch to have a conversation unless it's for money.
I was like Whaaaa? Where did that come from?
charlie61
10-01-2008, 11:38 PM
^^ Jesus! Bitter/Jaded much? :O
Lysondra
10-02-2008, 03:14 AM
At least he's going to the ATM. He must like bitches.
charlie61
10-02-2008, 03:17 AM
^^ Lol!
ViolaStrings
10-02-2008, 10:34 AM
customer; How much for a dance?
me; 20 topless. 40 nude.
customer; Oh, I don't have that much money. How much to sit and talk? Wait, nevermind... I guess I'll go to the ATM since you're too much of a fucking bitch to have a conversation unless it's for money.
I was like Whaaaa? Where did that come from?
I encountered a lot of guys like this at my old club.
Sierra30
10-02-2008, 07:33 PM
All I can hear in my head is "Heeer's your sign"...LOLOL
:P:P:P:laughing: :laughing:
CherryonTop
10-14-2008, 02:23 AM
(All this while tipping me ONE DOLLAR when I was already on my third song and butt nekkid)
Custie: You have a gorgeous smile
Me: *smiling again* aww thankyou!
Custie: Especially when you're ripping me off! *places dollar in garter*
Me: *cold stare*
Crow2
10-14-2008, 11:49 AM
customer; How much for a dance?
me; 20 topless. 40 nude.
customer; Oh, I don't have that much money. How much to sit and talk? Wait, nevermind... I guess I'll go to the ATM since you're too much of a fucking bitch to have a conversation unless it's for money.
I was like Whaaaa? Where did that come from?
Umm, dumbass? Thats why it's called "work"? Deeeerh.
ViolaStrings
10-14-2008, 02:03 PM
^ how do guys mistake that we're there to provide a service and do that in exchange for monetary compensation?! Do they think we're there to fall in love with them and give them affection for free? That's what their wives are for! We're for fun, fun costs money!
fantasiarene
10-15-2008, 10:34 PM
This happened Saturday night. Let me note that I stand 5'4". This has relevance later in this exchange.
custie: wow your heels are tall!
me: 8 inches
c: then you must be about 4'11"
me: ''shakes head"
c: 4'9''? 4'8''? 4'7''? 4'6''? 4'5''?
me: no I'm 5'4'' (6ft even in 8 inch heels)
c: No you're not! (He then stands up and proceeds to measure from the top of my head down to his shoulder.) I'd say you're 5' at the most
me: I've been 5'4'' since I was 18. Goodbye. *walks off with him still talking*
ViolaStrings
10-15-2008, 10:57 PM
^ just agree with him and change the subject. Maybe he likes short girls so he feels big. Rob him.
fantasiarene
10-15-2008, 11:26 PM
what money? all he and his buddies got were drinks and never tipped otherwise I would have. I guess it scared him that I was about 2 inches shorter than him.
ViolaStrings
10-16-2008, 09:26 AM
^ haha, what a douche
Crow2
10-17-2008, 06:31 PM
This happened Saturday night. Let me note that I stand 5'4". This has relevance later in this exchange.
custie: wow your heels are tall!
me: 8 inches
c: then you must be about 4'11"
me: ''shakes head"
c: 4'9''? 4'8''? 4'7''? 4'6''? 4'5''?
me: no I'm 5'4'' (6ft even in 8 inch heels)
c: No you're not! (He then stands up and proceeds to measure from the top of my head down to his shoulder.) I'd say you're 5' at the most
me: I've been 5'4'' since I was 18. Goodbye. *walks off with him still talking*
WHY do guys want to do this? They do this to me ever frikickin night I work... * eye roll *
Scarlette_Lucre
10-20-2008, 06:59 PM
i finally have a good one!!
(after trying to kiss my stomach and me fending him off)
Him: I'm sorry i can't help it, you'll have a baby in there some day!
me: :O
ViolaStrings
10-20-2008, 07:39 PM
^ ewwwwww I don't know on what level it's more creepy.
Scarlette_Lucre
10-20-2008, 09:17 PM
he also kept trying to get me to shield his face with my hair like he was making a cubby with it. he was wierd.