View Full Version : Stupid Customer Comments
TheSexKitten
07-13-2007, 03:54 PM
"hey gorgeous! Damn, you fine. What's your number, maybe I can give you a call?"
"Sorry, I don't give my number out while I'm at work."
"Oh that's good! Because I'm married!"
wtf
cameron_keys
07-13-2007, 07:43 PM
OK tonight I got a doozy...
custie: "hi"
me:"hi"
custie: " i like science"
me: "umm.ok"
custie: "did you know there are 365 bones in the human hand?"
me: "no there isnt"
custie: "yes there is.." takes my hand and starts pointing ramdonly "theres this one...and this one..."
me:"there arent 365 bones in the whole body"
custie: "I dont know how to talk to you"
yeah..I got that..thanks for the memo!
gingerlee
07-13-2007, 08:59 PM
OK tonight I got a doozy...
custie: "hi"
me:"hi"
custie: " i like science"
me: "umm.ok"
custie: "did you know there are 365 bones in the human hand?"
me: "no there isnt"
custie: "yes there is.." takes my hand and starts pointing ramdonly "theres this one...and this one..."
me:"there arent 365 bones in the whole body"
custie: "I dont know how to talk to you"
yeah..I got that..thanks for the memo!
Stop messing with his educational lectures! He's trying to teach you something, you silly stripper...:P
cameron_keys
07-13-2007, 09:03 PM
Stop messing with his educational lectures! He's trying to teach you something, you silly stripper...:P
I know..silly me believing all those years of college Bio telling me there were 206 bones in the human body. OBVIOUSLY they were all wrong.
Funniest is..he kept telling me about how we'd have nothing in common because he was so into biology and anatomy and he'd studied it.
Yeah..I studied it too fuckwad...I even have a GASP degree!! Maybe because I paid attention in Bio 101 when they told me how many freakin' bones the human body has!!
So yeah..I agree..we have nothing in common. I'm smart. You are drunk and stupid.
Picaresque
07-13-2007, 09:06 PM
Last weekend, a custy was trying to get me to tell him which girls in the club were lesbians. um wtf, that's none of his business and I don't sell out other girls like that... so I just said that I didn't know.
custy: "would you date a gangster? because if you can take on a lesbian, you can take on anyone."
me: *scratching my head for a good five minutes trying to figure out where that came from and wtf he meant.*
mina loy
07-13-2007, 10:19 PM
"i can tell you don't drink because your cheeks are chubby!"
Casey4Now
07-14-2007, 08:48 AM
Custy last night while giving a dance
Custy: Can I lick your belly button
Me: Um No
Custy: I ment from the inside
Me: Um NO
PaigeDWinter
07-14-2007, 09:17 AM
Dude: "Why do you do this?"
Me: "Because I like it. I enjoy this job"
Dude: "Pfft! No one likes their job!"
Me: "I feel SO bad for you right now."
Me: *dancin on stage, bein all sexy*
Young guy: "Hey, lemme see your pussy!"
Me: "Ummm, no. This is a topless bar. No pussy."
Young guy: "C'mon! I'll give you ALL three of these here dollars!"
Me: .....
Young Guy: "Really! Three! See? One, two, three!"
Me: "Dude, I make at least $20 on stage, let alone everything I make from lap dances. WITH NO PUSSY SHOWIN. And you think I'm gonna rip my thong off in unbridled lust over your three bucks?"
Young guy: "Hey, what would it take to get you to come home with me? I have a cool ass crib. I have an XBox 360 and shit too. We can order up a pizza and chill!"
Me: "Dude, if I were say... 10 years old, that would be the coolest thing ever, but only if you had Contra!"
Young guy: .....
Me: "But yanno, that line might work on actual 10 year olds. Ever think about becoming a career pedophile? I hear the benefit package is excellent!"
Hey, I'd love to compile these sort of conversation wonders for my blog. Anyone willing to let me quote you? I don't have to name names if you don't want!
cameron_keys
07-14-2007, 09:27 AM
^^feel free to quote me if you wish!
kryssy
07-14-2007, 09:29 AM
You can use mine Paige, that is if you want to
cameron_keys
07-14-2007, 09:46 AM
Not actually a customer(that I know of anyway)....but emailed to me on myspace:
"Cameron, In the movie "The Wizard of Oz", how many yellow bricks did it take to finish the yellow brick road? And how much longer do you think you will be an ecdysiast?
Jim "
My answer?
1) I dont know
2) as long as I can
3) why????
this is such an odd first email from a stranger....
Crow2
07-14-2007, 10:43 AM
Redneck custy: Gosh, yer tall!
Me: No sweetie, your just short..
( hahaha's follow)
Redneck custy: How did you get so tall?
Me: Er.. genetics?
( another real winner )
Custy: Are those real?
Me: Are what real?
Custy: Your boobs.
Me: No honey, they are just a figment of your imagination. Really.
You kind of have to hate it when they are dumb enough to walk right into it. * eye roll *
sxybrat07
07-14-2007, 10:58 AM
**background - customer came in 2 days ago, bought his 5 dollar membership in quarters. sat at stage, never tipped, left. yesterday, customer comes in with friends, tips 1 or 2 girls well, ignores the rest (including me) but sits on stage and stares, as I'm walking out to cash out my ones in my street clothes, he grabs me**
<customer> Hey, you are a really really good dancer
<me> Thanks
<customer> but you need to not work the late shift, because everyone has already spent their money, and you won't make anything
<me> oh is that so?
<customer> yeah, you're way too good for this shift
<me> funny, i worked earlier yesterday, and you still didn't tip me. so *shrug*
toomuchhomeworklately
07-14-2007, 12:09 PM
A few days ago in vip:
Drunk customer: "Oh my God, you're so hot! I would go down on you for so long you'd never have to see your bikini waxer again!"
Me: *confused silence*
hearts
07-14-2007, 01:07 PM
*Customer is getting up from the rack after watching my first song and not tipping...
Me: Hey! I would really appreciate it if you TIPPED me for that dance you just watched.
Him: What? Why? I was just sitting there!
Me: SECURITY!!!!
------------------------
Him: You know, you surprised me. From far away, you look kind of rough. But now that you are closer I can see that you are really hot!
Me: Oh, honey, you don't have a lot of experience with women, do you...(pity face)
*There were at least 3 women at my rack who heard this, laughed at him, and told him he was an idiot.
crizgolfer
07-14-2007, 01:19 PM
"Sorry I dont pay strippers I only fuck them"
This is strange. I usually have the opposite problems with dancers. I have to constantly remind them..."Sorry, I don't fuck strippers, I only pay them..." ::)
Crow2
07-14-2007, 03:33 PM
As I am getting off stage, a young man grabs my arm and says " Hey, how old are you?"
Me ( being the poilte person that I am tell him)
Young man: WOW! You are really hot for your age.
Me: Thanks hon, by the way - does your Mom know where you are?
PaigeDWinter
07-14-2007, 07:44 PM
I'm such an effin nerd. I swear the interweb is gonna turn me into super loser.
Guy: "Your ass is no joke!"
Me: "Yup. No jokin here. I are serious stripper. This is serious ass." (http://www.knitemare.org/cats/serious_cat.jpg)
Guy: "...huh?"
Now Imma have to MAKE the Serious Ass photo and add it to the I'm In Ur thread in Picture Post.
^^^ I love you a little for that.
PaigeDWinter
07-14-2007, 08:45 PM
^^^ I love you a little for that.
Will you love me more after the actual pic is made? ;D
Will you love me more after the actual pic is made? ;D
I can guarantee it. Meme Paigeass. :D
PaigeDWinter
07-15-2007, 01:45 PM
I can guarantee it. Meme Paigeass. :D
Hehehee. Nothing fancy but.... it'll do for now. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/paigedwinter/seriousass.jpg)
$$$magnet
07-15-2007, 02:06 PM
^^^ bwahahaha!!
"You know, you would have gotten at least 3 or 4 more dances out of me if you would have let me touch your pussy...."
Someone at my tiprail: "How much for you to show me your cock?" WTF?
StrawberrySwitchblade
07-15-2007, 03:23 PM
Delilah (me!): *dance dance dance*
Custie: Mmm...you are so sexy....
D: *dance dance, accept tip, dance*
C: You are so beautiful...I sucked twenty cocks today and you turn me on more than sucking dick.
D: *stop* ...
-------
At the tip rail last night
Delilah: *dance, dance dance, removes top*
Bachelor: Woah! Nice tits! *tip*
D: *accept tip, dance, spin around pole, wiggle*
B: I don't know why you dance here. You don't make any money! *tip*
D: *stands there, with a huge burst of ones and fives on the thigh, and the bundle of twenties also secured there* No, no money at all. *wiggle*
B: *tip*
cameron_keys
07-15-2007, 03:26 PM
[quote=StrawberrySwitchblade;1141712]Delilah (me!): *dance dance dance*
Custie: Mmm...you are so sexy....
D: *dance dance, accept tip, dance*
C: You are so beautiful...I sucked twenty cocks today and you turn me on more than sucking dick.
D: *stop* ...
-------
HAHA!! I had about a 6 month run about 2 years ago where I swear to god..50% of the guys I met HAD to tell me about some homosexual experience they had. Completely unprovoked too...WTF??? Was I putting out a serious fag hag vibe?? I mean..dont get me wrong, I have a LOT of gay friends and I love me some queens...but IN the club ALL the freakin' time when they are paying me to get naked for them?I dont get it...
RoseLeigh
07-17-2007, 01:39 AM
Custie, after one dance: I'd better go back out (of the couch room), the girls will think things about you if they know you came back here with me. I don't want you to get a reputation.
Me, confused: Er...kay.
Taylorlila
07-17-2007, 07:30 AM
I'm dancing on lil satellite stage, theres a young guy with 3 girls, and 2 older guys. Young guy keeps trying to stick his dollar under the part of my thong covering the kitty and I keep telling him he can't do that, this is a topless, no contact club.
Older Guy:Oh just keep doing it, all they can do is kick you out
Me: (showing my 7 inch heel off) Yeah but I can kick you in the fucking face with my stripper shoe. (bright, sweet smile)
He STFU...and tipped quite well after that. hehe.
Taylorlila
07-17-2007, 07:35 AM
Delilah (me!): *dance dance dance*
Custie: Mmm...you are so sexy....
D: *dance dance, accept tip, dance*
C: You are so beautiful...I sucked twenty cocks today and you turn me on more than sucking dick.
D: *stop* ...
-------
At the tip rail last night
Delilah: *dance, dance dance, removes top*
Bachelor: Woah! Nice tits! *tip*
D: *accept tip, dance, spin around pole, wiggle*
B: I don't know why you dance here. You don't make any money! *tip*
D: *stands there, with a huge burst of ones and fives on the thigh, and the bundle of twenties also secured there* No, no money at all. *wiggle*
B: *tip*
That reminds me of my peepshow custie who said my beautiful innocent face made him suck cocks in the video booth...:O
and I almost forgot...
Custie:How bout you leave and come back to my hotel and we can have some fun.
Me: Sorry honey, I just got here, I have to sell my shots and make some money. Plus I'm not a hooker.
Custie:I'll pay for your shots, and give you 200 bucks!
Me: 200 bucks? I used to make 200 bucks in a whole night...when I was waitressing! Sorry but I can make more than that staying here...not having to fuck you, mmk?"
virgoamm
07-19-2007, 11:40 AM
Heh, I a total WTF moment last night. So I'm talking to this guy and he asks, "Do you have any kids?" Me- "No" Him-"Oh, you seem like you would be a Mom".
This brings out the giggles and I'm like, what makes you think that? Then he goes on and says
"Oh you seem like you'd be a good Mom or something" I then tell him, that is SO NOT the impression I'm trying to give off at all. He gets really embarrassed and says, "Okay, well let me keep digging myself deeper in this hole I've made". ;D
Yes, virgo. The motherly stripper. What....the...fuck...
holiday
07-19-2007, 12:25 PM
Custy: Do you have kids?
Me: (lying) Kids? Nope.
Custy: Good, I'm not looking to date a girl with kids right now.
retard.
sun child
07-19-2007, 07:25 PM
^ Hi-larious! Here's another one: the customer last night that told me (while at the rack at a stage-only club) that he just came in his pants. THANKS!
manhattan
07-20-2007, 11:57 PM
Douchebag custie: "You are far to articulate, intellligent and beautiful to be working here"
Me: ah huh *rolls eyes*
Douchebag custie: "So how much to have u for the night?"
Oh boy!!
OH MY GOD! i hear this one atleast twice a week (which, in about half the cases, is folowed by the "how-much-to-have-you".) But whatever, it's the first comment i actually find the most insulting.
manhattan
07-21-2007, 12:02 AM
ah, and while i'm at it, here's another one i'm sick of hearing:
"So who are you friends with here? Do you and any of the girls you're friends with hang out outside of work?"
I just DO NOT get the fascination with asking this question.
Is it like some lesbian fantasty thing?
Or are they just amused at the thought of us being actual human beings having actual real human relations and actual semi-normal human lives outside of the club?
I tend to think the latter more so.
buffie06
07-21-2007, 12:29 AM
customer said to me the other night " you make 100 dollars in 10 min easy, if you go my hotel. C'mon that's easy! no one makes that much money. i cum real fast, i promise!" After i said no , he stammered in his little drunken asain accent "why no girls wanna make money here, I always pay 100 for 10 min in Houston!!"
sxybrat07
07-21-2007, 07:15 PM
^^^bwahahahahaha
Lysondra
07-22-2007, 05:17 AM
How about the guys who feel the need to speculate as to whether or not you've had kids?
I know that you think, "I can tell babies haven't come out of your body," is a smooth compliment, but if a dancer can't conceive you're really putting your foot in your mouth. Can't you just tell me I'm smoking hot?
Even better is when you've been sick for three weeks and your belly looks like an anorexic chemo patient's and they go, "How many kids do you have???!"
Not, do you have any.. but how MANY. Thanks asshole, I'm gonna puke my carrot sticks now.
CallMeSky
08-12-2007, 05:28 AM
"OMG, you are soo hot - my mom would love you! You should take those panties off".
Taylorlila
08-17-2007, 08:49 AM
After asking me a million questions such as "whos the oldest dancer here...like 25?" (Um...no...I'm not nosey enough to ask how old everyone is but I know there are at least girls in their mid 30's....) this man says "Wow all the girls here seem to want to do private dances...they must be the best or something (he meant best for us)".
Me:Well yeah...thats how we make our money.
Him:Really...how much do you get paid to work here?
Me::O You mean how much do we pay to work here?
This guy then tells me that I should try some other clubs because he's been to clubs all over the country...and you can't possibly have to pay to work at MOST clubs...yeah mmmkay...
Giving a 2 for 1...the guy just bops my pussy with two fingers...so I proceed to finish the dance three feet away from him.
Him:Come on, just give me a good shot
Me:A good shot at what?
Him:I wanna hit it again! I didnt get a good shot!
Me: /:O
He pays me...in 2's
Him:Thats the last of my money!! Youre gonna give me another dance right?
Me:You just got a 2 for 1 already!
Him: That wasnt 2!
Me:Yes 2 songs...2 for 1
Him:Awww come on you're better than that!!!
At this point I just walked away....
and this gem happened a few weeks ago, while onstage at a TOPLESS club.
Guy:I'll tip you 20$ if you take the bill in your pussy!
Me: I'll get fired for that...this is a topless club.
Guy:you wont get fired!
Me: Yes I will...and even if I wouldn't...for $20?
anomar
08-17-2007, 10:09 AM
The other day a girl came up to me and said I should come talk to this guy she was sitting with.
Me: *bop* Hey there, how are you doing tonight darling?
Him: Enh (obviously he actually isn't remotely interested in me and is broadcasting it)
Me: Aw, why so pessimistic?
Him: PessiWHAT? *glares at me* *looks at other girl* Is this girl fucked up or drunk or something? She doesn't make any sense.
LOL, anomar. I would have written in down on a napkin, and brought it back to him with a smile "so you can look it up when you get home!"
Bridgette
08-17-2007, 05:11 PM
The dumbest one I hear night after night after night:
WOW you look really good for 34!!
Uh, dude, are you blind? I look fucking good for ANY age. See that 19yo twit with the beergut and ass dimples over there? Yeah that's right. I look better than her, and I'm almost twice her age. I'll look better than that when I'm 50. Get it right man!!
Not that it really bothers me. It truly doesn't. I just think it's a stupidass thing to say.
Crow2
08-18-2007, 12:09 AM
The dumbest one I hear night after night after night:
WOW you look really good for 34!!
Uh, dude, are you blind? I look fucking good for ANY age. See that 19yo twit with the beergut and ass dimples over there? Yeah that's right. I look better than her, and I'm almost twice her age. I'll look better than that when I'm 50. Get it right man!!
Not that it really bothers me. It truly doesn't. I just think it's a stupidass thing to say.
I HATE THAT. I mean really.. Sometimes I don't know if they actually think it's a compliment or a backhanded insult. Geezus. * eye roll *
CallMeSky
08-23-2007, 12:38 PM
(in the $100 room)
Drunk guy: I could have taken any girl I wanted back here, you know.
Me: Yep, that's usually how it works.
Drunk guy: You should feel really lucky I picked up.
Windy
08-23-2007, 03:01 PM
Me - *spreading legs for custy*
Cus - So, know any good jokes lately?
Me *close my legs in disbeilef*
Cus - so how much money u make a night?
Me - none of yer business.
Cus - *guesses* 500????
Me - I dont like to discuss money, thank you.
Cus *continues to guess* ONE THOUSAND?!!!!!!!
Me - ugh...
Cus - wow, you are so hot! my wife gon' get it tonite! i jus hope i dont shout out your name instead!
Me - uhh....oh...*fake giggle*
Cus - you know, if u were my girflriend, id lock you up at home and keep u there until i get home to bang you!
Me - *thinking* is that some kind of special treatment?
Cus - id lick your nipples DEAD!
Me -uh......*ew*
Cus - so where ya from?
me - california.
Cus - really thats where my g/f is from.
Me - oh.
Cus - so how old are you?
Me - 22.
Cus - thats how old my g/f is!
Cus- what part of town u live at?
Me - up north.
Cus -oh yeah my g/f lives over there too.....
Me thinking "does he jus remeber his g/f and feel guiilty? or does he somehow think im his imaginary g/f?"
me - *dancing* *pulls garter*
cus - *tips*
Me - *dancing more.....more...* *pulls garter*
Cus - ugh i jus gave you one. cant u dance more?
Me - (on pms) look bub, dont waste my time!
LilyLove
08-23-2007, 05:50 PM
Its a slow night, and there's only one customer at the rail. The girl a few turns before me gets off and tells me that she had the following exchange with the custy:
Him: Oh man, I really like small boobs, just look at those perky nipples
Her: Thanks!
Him: Oh gosh, my dad would so approve, I'm gonna tell him all about you, my dad loves perky little tits!
Her: ...
We laugh at this exchange, particularly cause this guy is definitely in his 60's and talking about his dad as if he were 18.
So then I get on stage, and have THIS exchange with him:
Him: Oh man I just love big luscious tits like yours. Oh man, can't go wrong there, its all big boobs for me here!
Me: Uhhhh (thinking about how a moment ago he just looooved small boobs)
Him: Golly would my dad approve of those. He always says, big tits are the only way to go!
Its cool that he loves all boobs, but I think its funny that he kept bringing up his dad!
Lysondra
08-23-2007, 05:52 PM
^ it's only funny if he actually said 'golly' and 'gosh'.
LilyLove
08-24-2007, 05:08 AM
He didn't say gosh. I just couldn't type golly that many times. But yeah, he really did say that word. I felt like I was in some kind of fucked up sitcom about a father and son.
... but I still think it would have been funny without the golly. That just made it more... I dunno, quaint.
Alia_of_the_Knife
08-24-2007, 09:13 AM
One of the weirdest comments I have had was when I was dancing for this guy and he said "You have such great collar bones!"
I can understand complimenting my ass or tits, but talking about my collar bones make you sound like you want to put A1 sauce on them and cannibalize me.
Yekhefah
08-24-2007, 09:30 AM
^^^ Dude, clavicle can be extremely sexy! There are a lot of people turned on by it.
I had a good one the other night...
Me: So let's go to the back and get me naked.
Him: Eh. I don't need that, I've got six girls back home.
Me: Wow. What are you doing here then?
Him: Getting away from women.
Me: /:O
britt244
08-24-2007, 12:27 PM
him: i have my own company.
me: oh really? what do you do?
him: i work for slinky.
:O there are so many things wrong with that.. what youre telling me is you own slinky? suuuure. maybe you own A slinky.