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ViolaStrings
11-03-2009, 10:10 AM
^ ewwww. Why didn't you get up and walk away? You seriously wasted time explaining why they couldn't stick it in for a second? I don't think those are spenders!

kaylin07004
11-03-2009, 11:22 AM
Ok this is going to sound totally fake...

BUT it happened!
This really old guy, I'm talking 75+, came in and was sitting on the nude side along the stage. So we're all going over to him when we're up and he's tipping, but he keeps saying some of the nastiest stuff I've ever heard. He'd be like "Have you ever had a penis in your rectum?" "Do you like to suck on cocks? Do you like to swallow? It's good for you. Lots of vitamins and minerals." "Have you ever made love to a girl?" "I would love to put my tongue in your cunt." "Are you nice and wet down there?"
I'm like DUDEE you asked me that two seconds ago...
Hahaha it was funny because he was seriously not remembering that he'd just asked everyone and the look on his face was like... stone. He was totally serious and interested lol it was priceless. And he was so funny wearing his thick glasses with the square black frames and his little lions club jacket. I gave him a dance and I thought I was going to break his hip.

Dude was on VIAGRA because he could not stop telling me how many times he masturbated after seeing us the night before... at least he came back ;)

firemaiden04
11-03-2009, 12:15 PM
Some of the worst guys for me are the Moaners. I got one in on Halloween, this absolutely enormous Polynesian-looking guy. Completely obese. No lap whatsoever to speak of. He wanted a dance, so I take him back there and start doing my thing against the wall, and gradually make my way closer to him, and kind of slowly sit down on his...stomach? I guess, cause there sure as hell wasn't any lap. And immediately, he lets out this ultra-loud, turned-on moan, like he'd just gotten off or something. I almost fell off his stomach, it was so out of the blue. So the rest of that dance was basically an air-dance, but anytime I brushed against him at all he'd start moaning again. Ugh. So creepy.

J.D.
11-03-2009, 12:20 PM
^^^ I had one of those last night. It looks like he might turn into a regular. He makes sex noises while I dance for him. I guess I'll have to learn to laugh it off, but it is definitely weird!

audrey_k
11-03-2009, 03:39 PM
^ ewwww. Why didn't you get up and walk away? You seriously wasted time explaining why they couldn't stick it in for a second? I don't think those are spenders!

We had less than 10 customers last night, I was desperate. I got him to buy 3 dances and tip me $20 for my birthday... And I gave him the shittiest dances ever...I was shocked.

ViolaStrings
11-03-2009, 03:52 PM
^ ugh, I feel you. You sound like me, trying to make the best money-wise out of every night. But sometimes it's worth it not to make money!

audrey_k
11-03-2009, 05:17 PM
^Agreed. I would rather go home with nothing (and have) than have to do any extras.

spyder
11-04-2009, 09:45 AM
along with a couple of moaners i have an "Oh Yeah!" guy. He seems totally regular when you talk to him, but everytime i brush against him during a dance he lets out this overly exuberant "Oh Yeah!" I wonder if he realizes he's doing it and that it's annoying as hell.

DesuvsDeath
11-04-2009, 04:12 PM
There used to be a guy at my club... who sounded like Daffy Duck when he got excited.
Like... you remember the sound Daffy used to make when he was boucing around all excited like? The guy used to make THAT sound.

I never danced for him... but plenty of other girls did... so I used to hear it, constantly.

firemaiden04
11-05-2009, 02:57 PM
There used to be a guy at my club... who sounded like Daffy Duck when he got excited.
Like... you remember the sound Daffy used to make when he was boucing around all excited like? The guy used to make THAT sound.

I never danced for him... but plenty of other girls did... so I used to hear it, constantly.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I seriously almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard just picturing that...

rareaspasia
11-05-2009, 04:28 PM
along with a couple of moaners i have an "Oh Yeah!" guy. He seems totally regular when you talk to him, but everytime i brush against him during a dance he lets out this overly exuberant "Oh Yeah!" I wonder if he realizes he's doing it and that it's annoying as hell.

I'm totally picturing you dancing for the koolaid guy now.

dtxgirl
11-05-2009, 08:23 PM
the next time he comes in you should have the DJ play this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG_6CopW9GQ

Jasmin96
11-06-2009, 12:24 AM
Him: Will you make love to me?
Me: Um... no.
Him: It's okay--I'm wearing a condom!

Oh, well in THAT case... :O

GlitterBexie
11-07-2009, 09:09 PM
These are from tonight, my 2nd nite ever! (Im made up coz i made (converted to dollars) abt $125, and if i hadnt had to pay the reg fee it would have been nearer $150! Not bad considering the club wasnt busy!

...''You're too beautiful to be doing this job, if i was your boyfriend, i wouldnt let you do it....will you suck me off in VIP?''
......''Thats why you'll never be my boyfriend darling and fuck off no i won't!''
(He still bought a 15 minute VIP tho!)

''I go to a lot of brothels, I spend about a grand a week, im looking for one main girl, how do you fancy it?''
*I just laughed and walked off*

''Its my wedding anniversary today...i go to thailand a lot, and the girls there will fuck you for a tenner, never mind JUST a dance!''
''you're a delight arnt u!?

And then some lad paid me a £5 to take my shoes off, literally, that was it...easy money! haha

audrey_k
11-08-2009, 08:10 AM
My two favorites this week;

Customer: you know those bars that are white chocolate?
Me: yes I've seen them:
Customer: well that's what you are. You're a white chocolate bar.


Customer: you know, it's totally different in Florida. There you can just charge whatever you want for a room and you can fuck if you want, and you would get to keep everything. Don't you wish we there?
Me: no I'm actually quite happy we're in Los Angeles at the moment.

J.D.
11-08-2009, 08:28 AM
along with a couple of moaners i have an "Oh Yeah!" guy. He seems totally regular when you talk to him, but everytime i brush against him during a dance he lets out this overly exuberant "Oh Yeah!" I wonder if he realizes he's doing it and that it's annoying as hell.

Wait a sec, where do you work? I think we have the same customer

spyder
11-10-2009, 10:12 PM
Wait a sec, where do you work? I think we have the same customer
i'm in kentucky, my "oh yeah" guy is a local boy. Oh god, does this mean there's TWO of them??!!

J.D.
11-10-2009, 10:52 PM
I have a customer-twin. LOL.

M3wlove
11-15-2009, 07:16 PM
"youre too pretty to work here! what happened, youre too lazy to be a waitress?? "

Elvia
11-15-2009, 07:33 PM
^^^"you're so bea-ti-fuuullll, you could be a waitress!"

Otoki
11-16-2009, 11:13 AM
"youre too pretty to work here! what happened, youre too lazy to be a waitress?? "
WHAT.

ViolaStrings
11-16-2009, 12:02 PM
^ yea, because stripping is such easy work.

chanzep
11-17-2009, 05:10 AM
"youre too pretty to work here! what happened, youre too lazy to be a waitress?? "

What A Dick!

BoxOfPandora
11-19-2009, 08:32 AM
I have female customers and male friends telling me I'm too good and too pretty to be dancing. Seeing as I'm still in college (to get a full time job!) and only have time for a part time job... And I used to be a waitress.
"What would you rather I do? Go back to serving, making half as much with twice the stress, only to have to drop out of school because I can't afford to be a full time student?"

Earlier this week, I called my friend 9who's ridiculously protective of me) to look at my car so I wouldn't die on the way home. Said the same thing when he saw me. His response was probably the best I had so far: "No, I'm just sayin' you should be doing this on HBO." And he made some goofy sound effect and a comical pelvic thrust.

GlitterBexie
11-21-2009, 10:40 AM
Him - You're womanising me!
Me- Pardon?
Him - I said, you're womanising me to get me to have a dance!
Me - Erm, Im not sure i understand you! Arn't men usually the womaniser!?
Him - Noooooo, you're using your woman eyes on me!
Me - Oooohh,

I was tired, it had been a loooong day, he was drunk and slurry, it made me laugh!

M3wlove
11-23-2009, 01:22 AM
i forgot to add, the customer that said that waitress bullshit also said, "aw man we're going to hell."

other dancer- why? are you married?
assface- no, we're disrespecting women by being here.

assface- i really think youre being unfair to yourself by not giving me your number.

i teamed up with her and we were like, youre disrespecting our job by not paying us for our time. we got 2 dances out of him via his friend to pay for him. they both had money, he was just a dick. at that point we just wanted to shut him up and feel worse.

other customer: i want something more than a lapdance.
me: mmm great, like a vip room.
other customer: no, i mean a lapdance but with a happy ending.
me: um, no. i dont do that.
as im getting up he goes, i respect your morals. let me take you to lunch. see i said lunch not dinner, cuz i respect you

firemaiden04
11-23-2009, 08:25 AM
assface- i really think youre being unfair to yourself by not giving me your number.

as im getting up he goes, i respect your morals. let me take you to lunch. see i said lunch not dinner, cuz i respect you


AHAHAHAHAHA :rotfl: :rotfl:

That must be a new pickup technique, cause I had a guy use one of those lines not too long ago.

CKXXX
11-23-2009, 11:28 AM
So a nooner is now more respectful? LOL "Sky rockets in flight............Afternoon delight..."

Ryleigh
11-25-2009, 06:48 PM
"I could take you out to starbucks, or we could go to an art exhibit, or somethin."

"Are you high? Wanna roll a blunt?"

Miss_McKenna
11-25-2009, 08:27 PM
as im getting up he goes, i respect your morals. let me take you to lunch. see i said lunch not dinner, cuz i respect you

:rotfl::rotfl: Me and my roomie just LOL'd at that too. Guys' got some great rationale on him!

money maker
11-25-2009, 09:46 PM
I had one BIG HUGE guy say "so what have you been up to lately " my answer "oh not much just working" he looked at me and said "working this isn't work it's for fun"

charlie61
11-27-2009, 08:08 PM
^ Ugh. I hate it when people say that.

Kimbre
11-29-2009, 04:14 AM
Me: ::dancing on stage, rocking out live hardcore from the runway and pole::
Guy: You've got an amazing body. *tip*
Me: Thanks.
Guy: How much to take you home?
Me: Remember back there when I was bent over?
Guy: Yeah, your ass is great!
Me: Well, I farted in your face.
Guy: --silent--
Me: :D

GlitterBexie
11-29-2009, 05:13 AM
Customer coming downstairs from a private dance with another girl

Veeeery drunk customer - ''SHE LET ME LICK HER NIPPLE!! I CLOSED MY EYES AND SHE LET ME LICK HER NIPPLE!!''

Dancer - Babe, that wasnt my nipple...that was my elbow, i wondered what you were doing!!''

Entire club - hahaha

BoxOfPandora
11-29-2009, 12:27 PM
Got this a few times: "What's your real job?"
Honestly? Sometimes I'll say "Fulltime student" if they're acting like I'm an idiot, or if I'm in a sarcastic mood, "I'm a female impersonator."

oxSkylarxo
11-29-2009, 07:31 PM
^^^^^
Female impersonater! Bwahahaha. That's awesome. I oughta use that next time.

oxSkylarxo
11-29-2009, 07:38 PM
^^^^^
Female impersonater! Bwahahaha. That's awesome. I oughta use that next time.

Kimbre
11-30-2009, 03:43 AM
I just remembered having a few different customers approach me at the tip rail and try to pull some ridiculous shit.

One guy (this was a nude bar, mind you) wanted to know if I could pick up a roll of quarters with my cooter. I told him, "I'm not a slot machine, sir. You're gonna have to spend your laundry money elsewhere." Can you believe it? And then he had the nerve to act like I hurt his feelings by saying that.

*On a related note, I heard a story about a club that used to actually allow men to tip the ladies in this fashion. Apparently a customer heated up a roll of quarters with one of those little butane hand torches and hurt a lady pretty badly.

Another guy had a rolled up hundred dollar bill that he wanted to "stick in my pink." He too, was ejected as I loudly explained to him how VERY DIRTY money is, and I got to keep the hundred because he just left it sitting there on the edge of my stage all rolled up in his "rush to leave." 8)

I once had an obnoxious college guy who wasn't tipping, but sat at the tip rail anyway and thought it was absolutely hilarious to use a laser pointer on the body parts of the girls who were dancing on stage. When I got up there, I warned him not to do it, but he did it to me anyway. I snatched that laser pointer from him, and had the biker guys remove him from the bar. It's just as well, my kitties love chasing their free red dot.

I also hate it when guys make requests for music for me to dance to. I have my own music; I'm not a jukebox either. But, if a guy is willing to tip to hear a certain song, I'll grudgingly indulge him.


Edit: Some guys just don't know how to act. I thought I'd share this.


I had this regular guy I called "The Clapper." This guy actually embarrassed the shit out of me (which is pretty hard to do) because he knew me outside of work before he ever started seeing me in the club. I'm sure he didn't do this to me on purpose, but that doesn't make it any less mortifying.

I had done some private shows for him, and I go to those shows as a Dom, sometimes. He didn't know I also danced onstage in clubs, and I certainly never expected to see him out in public - but when he saw me working at one of the bars I travel to periodically, he was falling all over himself trying to keep our role play intact.

Every time I did anything - I mean, ANYTHING (walked out of the bathroom, stood up from sitting down, removed an article of clothing, changed my outfit, flipped my hair, got onstage, or executed an acrobatic stage move) - ANYTHING. This guy would burst into raucous applause and cheer at me under my OTC name of Mistress So-and-So.

Shit, what if EVERY SC customer was this excited to be at the club? LMAO. Be careful what you wish for.

The girls who worked there regularly told me they NEVER had anything to do with him (he was a convicted bank robber, had TONS of prison tattoos, and had been shot in the face during his apprehension, so he could only make weird sounds and was very hard to understand, AND half his face - including his eye were missing [don't worry, he had an eye patch]) and they didn't think he looked to be the sort who was worth hustling. [Their mistake, he had plenty of money, he was just strange to be around.]

Anyway, girls will be girls. They bugged me relentlessly because they wanted to know how me and "The Clapper" were acquainted. Well, I had some 'splainin to do, when I finally told them, for weeks thereafter, the house girls addressed me as Mistress So-and-So and clapped for me whenever I showed up to work that particular club. It was pretty fucking embarrassing. :-[

MysteriousMisty
11-30-2009, 07:24 PM
I don't know if this has been posted already but one of the dumbest comments I've heard from ignorant customers is "I'm married/engaged. I don't get lapdances." If they were that committed, they wouldn't be in the club in the first place. And then they grab a lapdance from the first white girl or whatever ethnicity she is that comes up to them. The last time some idiot tried to insult my intelligence by claiming he was so committed to his fiancee that he didn't get lapdances, I confronted him the moment I saw him getting dances from an Asian girl. I was with my regular at the time so I paused from my dance, walked over to the ignorant guy and said nice and loud "Instead of dishing out the bullshit about being committed to your fiancee, you should just hang a banner over your chair that reads "Asians Only!" :D The look on his face was priceless!

sananeko
12-01-2009, 12:29 AM
I walked by a group of women customers walking in and then one screams "ahh omg a hooker!" stupid bitch "stripper not hooker!" I wanted to trow my shoe at her.
I got this twice so far my first comment was Where? My second was thats a mirror hunny the clubs behind you.

fantasiarene
12-01-2009, 12:55 AM
I just remembered this since I'm gauging my tongue back out (not sure how large yet). I still had a 2 gauge barbell in my tongue and I used to stick a straw through my tongue just to see the look on peoples' faces. This one drunk guy pops off after I did that one night with "I bet I could stick my dick through that!" I'm thinking buddy, if your dick's that small I wouldn't brag about it.

From tonight I got asked "How'd you decide to get away from God and not be a prostitute and start in this business?" The same guy also asked "Have you ever been propositioned?" right before he did so. Ugh.

On the lapdance thing I don't care if my guy gets one. Heck I've even paid for his. He got a dance from a girl I knew just so she could make her quota for the night. His comment after that was "Man her pussy stank!" The guys who try to put morals on it just aren't right. If you're so worried your woman is gonna find out you've been to a strip club then just don't go!

J.D.
12-01-2009, 05:49 AM
I just remembered this since I'm gauging my tongue back out (not sure how large yet). I still had a 2 gauge barbell in my tongue and I used to stick a straw through my tongue just to see the look on peoples' faces. This one drunk guy pops off after I did that one night with "I bet I could stick my dick through that!" I'm thinking buddy, if your dick's that small I wouldn't brag about it.

From tonight I got asked "How'd you decide to get away from God and not be a prostitute and start in this business?" The same guy also asked "Have you ever been propositioned?" right before he did so. Ugh.

On the lapdance thing I don't care if my guy gets one. Heck I've even paid for his. He got a dance from a girl I knew just so she could make her quota for the night. His comment after that was "Man her pussy stank!" The guys who try to put morals on it just aren't right. If you're so worried your woman is gonna find out you've been to a strip club then just don't go!


This is hilarious!

Lemonz
12-01-2009, 12:45 PM
While wearing a choker-

"...That's a realllly nice dog collar you've got there!" (in all seriousness)

Umm, thanks? I borrowed it from Spot for the night...


And after complimenting me on my long neck and elegant figure during a lapdance-

(whispering in my ear, all loving like) "My little giraffe..."

BoxOfPandora
12-01-2009, 02:51 PM
I just got a mental image of a giraffe in a bikini and rhinestone dog collar O_o; And yes, it's next to a pole.

IDONTKNOW
12-01-2009, 06:07 PM
I think the guys that are asking for sex and extra's are thinking" well she IS naked/topless, so that usually means getting ready for sex."
In an inherent way, a naked/topless woman standing in front of a man is telling the guy " I am not here to sit down for a cup of tea and a sandwich and to have a conversation."

ViolaStrings
12-01-2009, 06:17 PM
^ awesome user name, btw.

Elvia
12-01-2009, 06:20 PM
^^^ yeah. very fitting.

IDONTKNOW
12-02-2009, 01:15 PM
:D Thanks! I think its great too!

Scarlette_Lucre
12-02-2009, 11:18 PM
Last night a guy calls out OI! being a crap night in general i didn't actually have any patience concidering the club waived the entry fee and we had alot of cheapasses.
so i go over to them. (after giving them a small lecture on treating ladys with respect)

Him: wow you're gorgeus
Me: Thankyou.
Him: wow your tits are perfect. how much to get them out?
Me: $20
Him: That's a bit steep isn't it? How about you give me a little prevew and i'll think about it.
Me: If i did that then you'd get what you wanted without paying for it and that would be counter productive.
Friend: She's smart, much smarter than you.
Me: *giggling as i'm walking away.

BoxOfPandora
12-03-2009, 11:14 AM
Had this one guy, gave me the loser vibe before he even opened his mouth, but he kept adding on to that:
"How much to see you outside of here?"
"Sorry, I don't do that."
"Alright. I respect that."
We talk a bit. He then tells me about this "expensive puerto rican" he's seeing.
"She tells me she loves me."
Couldn't help but think "Give me enough and I'll tell you 'I love you' all you want."