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sun child
08-24-2007, 05:23 PM
^ LOL, that's like Romy and Michelle saying they invented Post-it notes!

kelster
08-25-2007, 12:17 AM
:-X Me: So you like country?
Country Clad Guy: Yea, I'm a red neck...
Me:*Laughs*
Country Clad Guy: No seriously i am...do you even know what that is?
Me:Uh....explain your version.
Country Clad Guy: A red neck is when you take a fathers daughter and breed her in front of him...(Dead Serious Face)
Me:*180 turn into dressing room*

Darcy Foxx
08-25-2007, 01:40 AM
One night I was standing near the bar having a Coke when an EXTREMELY drunk guy on his bachelor night approached me and said hi.

Slurring Bachelor: I'm getting married soon
Me: Oh, congrats, when's the big day?
Slurring Bachelor: Next weekend
Me: Cool. Where are you going for the honeymoon?
Slurring Bachelor: Uh... somewhere in Europe. Canada, I think.
Me: Ah... ha. Your fiance is doing all the planning, isn't she.

I wasn't aware that there was a Canada in Europe... but okay.

Jezzebelle
08-25-2007, 06:51 AM
Wow, reading this thread made me realise one of the reasons why I quit.

If I ever miss stripping Im gonna come and read this thread again.....

StrawberrySwitchblade
08-25-2007, 08:43 AM
Lexi (me!): *sitting at the bar, nibbling (ill-advised) chicken strips*
Dude: *walks up with his friend* Woah! You're hot!
L: Thanks! I'm Lexi!
Dude: Hi! I'm your future ex-husband.
L: ...

britt244
08-26-2007, 12:05 AM
tonight this guy goes, "you should come stay with me. you'd never want to go to school. i have cable and stuff."

paintgoddess
08-26-2007, 07:48 PM
Custie: (touches my arm as I'm walking by) I need to talk to you about something important.
Me: (sits down hoping to sell VIP) Sure, what's up?
Custie: What I'm proposing to you is the opportunity to live the life of a rich aristocratic woman with a butler to wait on you. You could go shopping as much as you like, and go to the salon whenever you like, and have someone drive you around wherever you want to go.
Me: Now what's your name? :O
_________________________________

Just last night: Customer reaches down and fingers the nail polish on my toes. "I have weird toes. Look!" Old man slips off his loafer and hikes leg up onto table to show me his thick and malformed toenails. :yuck:

Bella21
08-26-2007, 08:06 PM
tonight this guy goes, "you should come stay with me. you'd never want to go to school. i have cable and stuff."

Haha! That reminds me of one customer who keeps trying to get me to come ove to his house. "It's really nice and quiet. You can sunbathe naked and I have a ton of TV's!" He said he had one in every corner. I mean... dude...

Kaylinn
08-26-2007, 08:35 PM
Customer: I have so much money , really, I'm almost a millonmare. I could take care of you. You could have whatever you want.
Me: Really? I'd like that...but I don't believe you, so prove it.
C: Prove it, how?
Me: Well, since your so rich, how botu a little downpayment? We can go to the cage and get a few thousand out, and I'll give you my number so you can call me and we'll arrange an agreement.
C:Oh, well...my money is sorta of....tied up....off shore banks and shit.
How bout you just give me yoru number now and we can talk about over dinner?
Me: uhh, nope. Need proof first. Told ya you were full of shit! buh bye!

ITgirl
08-26-2007, 09:16 PM
"Why do you wear stockings? Are your legs cold?"

"My Gran[dmother?] used to wear those thingies [garterbelt], long before you were born!" Yes, and I'm sure she looked just like me!

"Why ya' don't dress like a stripper?" Because I like men with money.

A guy asked me if I was hiding my tattoos by wearing stockings. I told him no (duh, they are sheer), I was catering to my target demographic. His response: "You heard that word on TV, huh?"

Yekhefah
08-26-2007, 09:25 PM
Often at work I tell customers I'm from Mississippi (which I sort of am, in a way) and play up my Southern accent. When you are from Mississippi, you pronounce it "Miss'ippi."

So last night this exchange took place...

Him: Where are you from?
Me: Miss'ippi.
Him: WHAT? That's bullshit, that's not how you say it.
Me: (laughing) It is if you're from there!
Him: Dumbass. It's MISS-ISS-IPPI. Are you stupid? There's TWO esses in it!
Me: Actually, there are four.
Him: (stops, glares) I guess you think you're pretty smart.

Crow2
08-28-2007, 10:32 PM
Me: Hi sweetie! Would you like a dance?
Him: Do I get to be on top?

Me: ( Took me a second to grasp that after a few blinks )
No hon, on the sofa.
Him: ( Get's a shocked look on his face after a gasp)
Oh NO! I can't do that

Er.. oooookay.

And yet again tonight another stimulating exchange:

Me, standing at the bar counter getting some change:
Him: Are thoes yours?
( He was talking about my boobs)
Me: Well, they don't come off!

Crow2
09-01-2007, 10:54 AM
This one is too good not to share, I was sitting with a rather obnoxious fellow and he was really starting to get on my nerves. He was one of those " I'll get a dance later" type of guys.. He kept on and kept on asking me how much it would cost to take me home and finally the last question was..

Do you take plastic, after asking me for the one thousandth time if I escorted.

I replied, Sure honey, only if it's wrapped around wads of cash.

So satisfying to see the rather dumbfounded look on his face!

hearts
09-01-2007, 12:22 PM
Customer smiles at me as I walk by, so I stop.
Him: Hi. My name is George. Who are you?
Me: R----. Good to meet you George.
(begin the 20 question game!!!)
Him: So how old are you?
Me: Twenty five.
Him: So how much money do you make?
Me: Inquisitive, aren't you? Well, it varies. Tonight, not much! Maybe we can change that? (winks)
Him: No, like, on average what do you make?
Me: (losing patience, changing subject) So what are you drinking? I...
Him: (patronizing tone) Do you know what an average is?
Me: (grrrrrr!!!) Yes. I have two college degrees. Bye bye George.
Then I walked away while he was still talking.

hearts
09-01-2007, 12:30 PM
oh yeah, another one from last night...

I am collecting my tips and leaving the stage.
Him: Great show. It's my buddy's bachelor party tonight. (Leans in close.) So how much for the afterparty?
Me: Oh sweetheart, did you really just ask me that incredibly stupid question?
Him: Ok, you can hit me now. I deserve it.;D

Crow2
09-01-2007, 04:01 PM
Customer smiles at me as I walk by, so I stop.
Him: Hi. My name is George. Who are you?
Me: R----. Good to meet you George.
(begin the 20 question game!!!)
Him: So how old are you?
Me: Twenty five.
Him: So how much money do you make?
Me: Inquisitive, aren't you? Well, it varies. Tonight, not much! Maybe we can change that? (winks)
Him: No, like, on average what do you make?
Me: (losing patience, changing subject) So what are you drinking? I...
Him: (patronizing tone) Do you know what an average is?
Me: (grrrrrr!!!) Yes. I have two college degrees. Bye bye George.
Then I walked away while he was still talking.

One thing I don't understand, WHO CARES how much money you make?
Thats so ...... dumb. Sheesh

Lysondra
09-02-2007, 10:10 PM
^ My accountant and me. And those are the only people in the entire world that should KNOW let alone care. *angry face and shake fist at stupids who ask*

Alianne
09-03-2007, 01:29 AM
those are funny i got this when i waited tables at a bar in mexico for a summer

me: heres your drink ( then go to leave, trip, fall down and cut my knee on a piece of glass)
guy: (as I stand up and grap a napkin to holdagainst my knee) your bleeding

me: uh thanks
guy: thats a lot of blood is that normal to bleed that much?
me:for me i anemic
guy:does that mean you dont remeber who u are?
me: (getting alittle pissed my knee hurts) no it means i bleed more than most people
guy: oh can i lick your blood
me: no
guy:come on please it tastes good
me: um not today
guy come on just let me have a lick
me (completly flustered) i said No
guy: come on why not its just blood damm it ( gettingkindof pushy)
me: becasue i said no maybe i want to lilck my own blood did you ever think of that?
guy: eww thats gross

wtf?

Crow2
09-20-2007, 09:21 AM
I was sitting with an older gentleman last night ( he uses a cane ) he and I have talked before so... as I'm sitting there he starts grabbing my boob. I mean like ba-dow there it is. This is the jist of our conversation.

Me:" Honey, you can't do that here. If you want a nice show your going to have to get a dance. So please stop."
Him: " Why?"
Me: Because I said so."

I got up and left - after that he tried to write a check for a dance.
Good lord..

raspberry ice
09-22-2007, 06:41 AM
Weirdest, most inexplicable comment:

Him: (Quizzically.) "Where's the bathroom?"
Me: "Over there." (Points to the bathroom.)
Him: (All smoov like.) "So, you gonna' join me in there?"
Me: (Skeeved-out, wordlessly gives him the finger and walks away.)
Him: (Emphatically outraged.) "Hey, what's the problem? Where you goin'?"
Me: (Keeps walking and attempts, fruitlessly, to puzzle this out with friends.)

Maybe he didn't know there's an attendant in the restroom? Too bizarre.

Crow2
09-22-2007, 08:29 AM
I used a cute line I read in customer convo --

Me:" Hey sugar! You need to get a dance so I can ride you like a rented scooter"
The guy looks at me like a deer in headlights
Him: " What's a scooter?"

Later I found out this brilliant individual is an engineer.
* eye roll *

TigersMilk
09-22-2007, 08:35 AM
Him:"I usually don't like black girls. The ones that have the big huge butts."
Me*silent blank stare*

The return of the backhanded compliment. I'm not even sure he knew what he was saying.

sxybrat07
09-22-2007, 09:55 AM
Him - I've been watching you for months, but you don't pay attention to me, you're all about the money.
Me - Well, I am at work...
Him - That's ok. Good to see you've put some weight on though, I think it's great that you jiggle when you walk now
Me - ....

teeth_of_the_hydra
09-22-2007, 07:03 PM
Often at work I tell customers I'm from Mississippi (which I sort of am, in a way) and play up my Southern accent. When you are from Mississippi, you pronounce it "Miss'ippi."

So last night this exchange took place...

Him: Where are you from?
Me: Miss'ippi.
Him: WHAT? That's bullshit, that's not how you say it.
Me: (laughing) It is if you're from there!
Him: Dumbass. It's MISS-ISS-IPPI. Are you stupid? There's TWO esses in it!
Me: Actually, there are four.
Him: (stops, glares) I guess you think you're pretty smart.

:rotfl: Yek, this coversation has had me cracking up for the past 15 minutes. It reminds me of this bit from the Simpsons... maybe you remember it:

Homer: Young man, I'm taking you to juvy!
Jimbo: But I just got out of juvy!
Homer: GOOD! Because I need directions.

High_Heel_Lover
09-22-2007, 07:08 PM
aww I'm sorry some people are so rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful and idiots :(

Lexi
09-22-2007, 09:02 PM
"Your left areola is slightly larger than your right. It's not a problem though."
Uh, no dude, it certainly isn't. wtf?


WTFFFF???? LOL I hate assholes like this.


*I had the same problem, pre BA*

Lexi
09-22-2007, 09:06 PM
During a three girl show on the bar guy says to me
"I'll give you 5 bucks to fart in that girls face right now!"


There isnt a smilie that warrants the LAUGHTER that just came out of me!!!!!!!!!! Holy shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt



This 27-year-old drunk kid let me know that another patron in the establishment had a boner when I was on stage. Thanks, dude.

Bwahahahhahahaah

buffie06
09-22-2007, 09:10 PM
Im dacing for this guy who prepaid me the 20 bucks.

After the dance:he said" I have two more twenties where that came from"
me : "so you want 2 more dances?
him : "no, I want you to come home with me. I wont waste your time it will be the best 40 minutes ever, it is a dollar a minute right?"
me: ???walks away

SummerRaen
09-23-2007, 01:34 AM
Custy - WHA? fish arent meat! if u are a vegitarain, what do you even eat then? just vegatables?

Sorry, but I had to cut in here: That is my favorite question EVER. It's like, oh, didn't you know there are actually 3 other food groups? And meat alternatives? I always get that "What do you eat? Salad?" I hate salad. I NEVER eat salad! God, and I thought it was the 2000s....

CallMeSky
09-27-2007, 12:39 PM
Last night:

C: Will you let me see it?
Me: What?
C: Your pussy.
Me: Um...no.
C: Why? It's not like it's bread.
Me: ??
C: You know how you go to make a sandwich and there's only one peice of bread left, and you get mad becouse you can't make a sandwich?
Me: Yeah...? ((confused as fuck))
C: Well, you're pussy isn't a loaf of bread, if you show it to me it's not like it's using a piece - it will always still be there.

Can anyone make sence of this? I had NO idea what to say. Alot of drunk guys last night.

RoseLeigh
09-27-2007, 04:34 PM
Last night:

Can anyone make sence of this? I had NO idea what to say. Alot of drunk guys last night.

I think he meant you won't wear it out by showing it. Unlike the thrill of being asked to show stuff you can't. That thrill wears out very quickly. ;D

saphire123456
09-27-2007, 04:55 PM
the one i used to get all the time that drives me up the f*&^n wall is:
me:...hi i'm saphire, wanna dance
him: no, but can i get your number?

Crow2
09-28-2007, 09:00 AM
I was told I was " Pretty hot" for a fourty six year old by a thirty something bachelor. Wow, some guys never cease to amaze me - even when they get older they are still stupid. * eye roll *

Taylorlila
10-01-2007, 08:10 AM
Gansta boy starts talking to, asking if he can take me out to breakfast. I say "no but you can get a dance." Him: "so you can dance for me but I can't holla at cha? I can't get yo number?". I just tell him I have a bf.
Him" You have a man and he lets you do this? If you were my girl I'd never let you do this."
Me: "And that why I will never be your girl."

Seriously what kinda game is that? Try to pick up a stripper by saying you wanna date her but she better quit her job 1st? dumbass.

kaiarose
10-01-2007, 04:09 PM
Just the other night I sat by this customer, never talked to him in my life, and he says to me "I've got a gift for you." He then pulls out a pair of granny panty thongs from Walmart (tag and all still attached) out of his pocket and hands them to me. I just look at them and look at him and he goes "what's wrong? Won't they fit?" I shit you guys not!

Laylalust
10-01-2007, 04:36 PM
Last night:

C: Will you let me see it?
Me: What?
C: Your pussy.
Me: Um...no.
C: Why? It's not like it's bread.
Me: ??
C: You know how you go to make a sandwich and there's only one peice of bread left, and you get mad becouse you can't make a sandwich?
Me: Yeah...? ((confused as fuck))
C: Well, you're pussy isn't a loaf of bread, if you show it to me it's not like it's using a piece - it will always still be there.

Can anyone make sence of this? I had NO idea what to say. Alot of drunk guys last night.

HAHAHAHAHA, what the FUCK!? That is so bizarre. I don't even know how one should respond to that.

Sierra30
10-01-2007, 05:12 PM
How about the guys who feel the need to speculate as to whether or not you've had kids?

I know that you think, "I can tell babies haven't come out of your body," is a smooth compliment, but if a dancer can't conceive you're really putting your foot in your mouth. Can't you just tell me I'm smoking hot?


ORrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, how about when you HAVE had babies and you have stretch marks, they SNEERINGLY say to you "soooooo, how many kids have YOU popped out??"

Ummm, i didnt POP ANYTHING out of me...i gave birth to them....I normally dont tell them ive had kids, i just tell them that i lost an OBSCENE amount of weight and the stretch marks are from that....they seem to believe it...

Sierra30
10-01-2007, 05:15 PM
I know..silly me believing all those years of college Bio telling me there were 206 bones in the human body. OBVIOUSLY they were all wrong.

Funniest is..he kept telling me about how we'd have nothing in common because he was so into biology and anatomy and he'd studied it.

Yeah..I studied it too fuckwad...I even have a GASP degree!! Maybe because I paid attention in Bio 101 when they told me how many freakin' bones the human body has!!

So yeah..I agree..we have nothing in common. I'm smart. You are drunk and stupid.

OMG, i sooooooooo LOVE reading your responses girl!! you make me laugh in every single one of them!!! :)

Crow2
10-02-2007, 09:50 AM
Me: How are you doing cutie?
Him: No habla English.

I just heard him speaking perfect unaccented English a few moments before.

Me: I sigh and roll my eyes while patting his shoulder " Sweetheart, I'm blond. Not stupid."

See the smoke from my stripper heels.

zxcire
10-02-2007, 09:54 AM
During a lap dance:

"you can touch me too, you know"

(ie: his cock)

Crow2
10-02-2007, 01:02 PM
During a lap dance:

"you can touch me too, you know"

(ie: his cock)

I have one for this.. I stop the dance, peer down at his crotch and say " Oh yeah? Where is it?"

Yekhefah
10-02-2007, 01:06 PM
I get that all the time! "You can rub on it, if you want." My standard response to this is to assume a gleeful expression, clasp my hands under my chin, and squeal, "REALLY? I CAN? Really CAN I, please?!"

miss marina
10-02-2007, 01:37 PM
I walk up to a customer for a dance.

Him- 'WHOA WHOA WHOA, before you say anything I'd like you to know im looking for a sugarbaby. ugh, you look like your freakin 14 years old, but we can work around that. Id offer you ALOT baby, ok trust me...what do you say sweetie? You want someone to take you out of this life?

Me-Busts out laughing and walking away. I can tell he is total time waster.

Him-"baby *grabbing my hand*whoa whoa whoa come here and sit down and let me tell YOU the RULES of being my future sugarbaby..."

Me- ::) *gets my hand free, hits his hand for grabbing me*You are beyond ridiculous, but please go ahead with your BS. (he was the only customer in the club, i needed a laugh!)

Him- "OK so, the deal is, You come and live with me and i will pay alllll the rent, food, tv, etc. i will give you 200 a month for WHATEVER YOU WANT...and i get to fuck you whenever I want. You will also clean the house, clean my car, Bring my buddies beer when they come over..."

me- hahahahhahaha, OHHHH 200 a month & I get to be your housewife & whore?! please sign me up ASAP...You can bring that 200 for dances and thats that. have a lovely day ::) :D :D



A couple hours later, he gave me 40 bucks on stage before walking out. whatever. I bought groceries with that lol.

Taylorlila
10-02-2007, 01:42 PM
^^^

$200 a month!?SIGN ME UP!!! Cuz 200 bucks is big money to us poor strippers...lol.

miss marina
10-02-2007, 01:45 PM
hahaha he was saying it like it was SOOOO MUCH MONEY!

Crow2
10-02-2007, 11:23 PM
Him: But, but.. I spent, like 120.oo on you!!!!
Me: Yes, thank you, I had a lovely time. Then again, I hate to break it to you. I'm a strip-er. Not a whore and a cheap one at that. If you wanted to pay to FUCK me, you had best start adding some zeros to that. Bubba.

Him: So... your not going home with me?

anelia
10-02-2007, 11:37 PM
me: *dance-shimmy over to pole, pose, strut, wiggle in front of two middle-aged white guys*
middle aged white guy #1: "hell yeah! i'd eat that bitch with a yeast infection!"
friend: *guffaw guffaw*
me: *raises eyebrow* wow....that's like...the best thing i've ever heard. ever.
mawg: *sputter*
friend: *stare*
mawg: you didn't hear what i said! you can't have heard it!
friend: *nods his agreement*
me: oh, but i did....
mawg: *looks HORRIBLY embarrassed* did you REALLY?
friend: *looks embarrassed for his friend*
me: yes, yes i did.
mawg: *suspicious* wait -- what'd i say then?
me: i don't think it bears repeating, but it was pretty bad. you win for nastiest comment ever...even if it WAS kind of a compliment.
mawg: *embarrassed again* you did hear me....
friend: she did.... *swigs beer*
me: *nods* i did.

then they gave me a bunch of money and were generally pleasant customers.

also some drunk ass guy jabbering on and on about how my ass was like an "onion" .... so hot it brings a tear to your eye. and his friends nodding in agreement, about "onion ass." whatever dude....

i can't believe that out of 7 months of dancing those are the only comments that really stood out. the rest is kinda like the adults in charlie brown... wa wa wa wa wa wa

OH!!! i almost forgot....the guy who came up to tip me onstage who enthusiastically said i looked "a lot like his daughter." GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs... he was a native guy, and he went on to explain that his daughter was half-white, and with blond hair and light eyes, and she looked a lot like me. i was like "....right....um.....thanks......wow....." *pointedly avoids scary daughter-guy for rest of night*

britt244
10-03-2007, 05:36 AM
him: how much is a lap dance?
me: $30
him: ok, and how much to get your number so we can do what we *really* want to do?
me: i'm not a hooker.
him: oh i'm not saying i'd pay. i just know what you want.
me: i don't date guys i meet in strip clubs.
him: so you won't date me? i can go outside if you want.
me: umm...
him: well you know what? i don't date strippers.

RoseLeigh
10-04-2007, 10:38 AM
Last night, guy buying dances from me for his friends. His friends were nice guys, didn't try to molest me or anything. So then guy wants a dance of his own. Spiffy. He hands me a $20, I do my thing, all is cool. At the end, when I ask if he wants to keep going (okay, well tell him he does ;D) He says no & is all offended.

Guy:I gave you money and you didn't show me anything?
Me: ???
Guy: You were just dancing for yourself. Not for me, you didn't show me anything.
Me: What was I supposed to show you?
Guy: I have lots of money. I know all the bouncers, they'd never say anything to me. Etc etc etc

Are we just supposed to whip it out or something? Are these guys really upset that I didn't, of my own volition, perform some sort of extra (in a room full of people, in front of the bouncers)? Does this happen? Perhaps I am naive, but I thought guys asked for that sort of thing and then we hit them with a shoe.

So confused.

Crow2
10-04-2007, 11:00 AM
him: how much is a lap dance?
me: $30
him: ok, and how much to get your number so we can do what we *really* want to do?
me: i'm not a hooker.
him: oh i'm not saying i'd pay. i just know what you want.
me: i don't date guys i meet in strip clubs.
him: so you won't date me? i can go outside if you want.
me: umm...
him: well you know what? i don't date strippers.


I would of told him to go outside and wait. Bwahaha , as in..

" Yes. I want you to go outside."