View Full Version : Stupid Customer Comments
Polekitten
02-09-2008, 09:39 AM
I'm on a side stage on a busy night with lots of young people, being my usual prissy self, swaying, looking slightly indifferent, smiling big for tips, swirling around the pole every once in a while.
Nelly Wannabe: Drop down and get your eagle on, girl.
Me: Huh? (I have no fucking idea what that is, btw)
NW: Do the nelly eagle dance.
Me: The what?
NW: I'm from Conneticut.
Me: Gah?
NW: (in an angry tone) What?! You don't believe me? I'll show you my ID!!!
(I'm now blankly looking at him for disbelief, because #1 he asked me to do the eagle dance and was in disbelief that A) I didn't know what it was and B) I didn't want to do it for a dollar and #2 What the hell does being from Conneticut have to do with it?!)
I just searched for the "nelly eagle dance" on youtube and have come to the conclusion that it is the hip hop version of the chicken dance. Not sexy.
I'm actually crying with laughter at this. The thought of someone squaking around doing some crazy chicken dance on stage. What a freak. (Not you Viola, the dude.)
Kaylinn
02-09-2008, 10:03 AM
Guy grabs me as I walk past, says he wants some dances, but needs to get money. We go to the ATM. He takes out $100. Says he needs to get change, who will break it?
I say, what do you need change for hunny?
He said, Psh, Like ALL THIS is for you::)
I walked off.
He didn't think I was worth a hundred? He wasn't worth one dance to me.
MsLayne
02-09-2008, 10:04 AM
My night, last night, was going well. At my club, you can get on the bar and dance for the customer.(Don't ask...its Jersey Go-Go...what can I say?)So, Im dancing for one customer and inadvertantly my face must have been in another customer's space. He was eating at the bar...(who the hell eats at a go-go) but I digress...he stuffs his have eaten chicken wing in my face. >:(
Me: Don't disrespect me like that!
Dumbass::O What?, I thought your fat ass needed something to eat.
Me: No, your skinny crackhead ass needed something to eat and thats why you are eating bar food.
Dumbass: Look, I dont have to work at a strip club to make a living.
Me: Was that supposed to make me feel bad? I probably have more degrees than your ass does. :hops of the bar: Smile and go about making my money.
Dumbass: Leaves his plate of food at the bar and is never to be seen again.
Alaska
02-09-2008, 10:07 AM
^Haha. I'd feel so embarrassed to even know anyone who would sit there with chicken wings in a titty bar and feel all entitled and self righteous.
Lysondra
02-10-2008, 06:38 AM
I have one I just remembered from over a year ago... This was during the John Deere convention season where the club would fill with gentlemen in cowboy hats and jeans...
Me: Hey how about I dance for you?
Him: Dance? For me?
Me: Yeah! I wanna get naked on you!
Him: Well how much does that cost?
Me: Twenty dollars
Him: Twenty dollars?!
Me: So... next song?
Him: Twenty dollars? (Opens up wallet to show me a large stack of twenties) Naw, I got a lot more than money to offer you.
Me: Like what?
Him: I got cows and land...and chickens. I'm a good guy. I got more to offer you than most of these guys here.
Me: Wow... so do you want a dance?
Him: You know, you're passing up a deal.
I had a guy offer me a cow. I tried to make a deal with him for it too before my boss pulled me away and said "How many times have I told you to stop trying to trade lapdances for farm animals!!?" I whined, "But the last guy offered me a PARROT, not a farm animal!"
Yes, it's common for me to try to hustle people out of animals. I really like them.
Sadly, I have yet to get one
paintgoddess
02-10-2008, 08:23 AM
Hey, chickens are actually quite endearing. I painted a mural on the side of someone's barn one time and they hung around to peck the shiny metal on the paint brushes or peak at me from around the corner of the barn. Too cute. Spent a few months after that trying to convince my bf that they would be good pets. Sadly, still no chickens.
Lysondra
02-10-2008, 08:49 AM
Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.
michele_b
02-10-2008, 08:55 AM
I have one I just remembered from over a year ago... This was during the John Deere convention season where the club would fill with gentlemen in cowboy hats and jeans...
Me: Hey how about I dance for you?
Him: Dance? For me?
Me: Yeah! I wanna get naked on you!
Him: Well how much does that cost?
Me: Twenty dollars
Him: Twenty dollars?!
Me: So... next song?
Him: Twenty dollars? (Opens up wallet to show me a large stack of twenties) Naw, I got a lot more than money to offer you.
Me: Like what?
Him: I got cows and land...and chickens. I'm a good guy. I got more to offer you than most of these guys here.
Me: Wow... so do you want a dance?
Him: You know, you're passing up a deal.
Hahaha. That totally made me crack up.
sun child
02-10-2008, 08:56 AM
"Do you work here?"
britt244
02-10-2008, 11:17 AM
me: take off your belt.
him: what? no.
me: yes, the buckle is going to hurt me.
him: why do i need to take my belt off? do you think i'm going to try to kill you?
Polekitten
02-10-2008, 11:23 AM
"Do you work here?"
Urgh, i get this all the time.
No, I'm just here for a drink. I always go out drinking in my underwear.::)
AlexxaHex
02-10-2008, 12:17 PM
Chickens are SOOOOO cute! My dad raised them for a while and they were so soft and cuddly.
CherryBomb954
02-10-2008, 03:32 PM
Here we go again. Not sure if this should be in a thread titled "discusting customer comments" but they sure were stupid so here goes.
I'm working at a new club now that just seems to attract the freakiest of the freaks. I know all strip clubs do to a certain extent but this place is unreal...
Wed night: Give a guy one dance, really nice guy, seemed normal, then decides to confess to me he is a fecal-feliac and would pay me $500 to watch me poop.
And no, he was not a troll, this guy was for real cause he also asked my sister.
Fri night: (in the middle of giving this guy a dance)
Guy: "Mmmm...I bet you have a huge, wet, gaping pussy don't you?"
Me: (stops dancing and gives him a WTF face) "What? What would make you think that?"
Guy: "I don't know...."(smiling pervertly)
Me: "Well I mean it's not the damned Grand Canyon or anything!"
I think he just wanted someone to talk nasty with him. Not my style. Needless to say that dance was over.
iambonbon05
02-10-2008, 03:39 PM
Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.
Siggy!
cameron_keys
02-10-2008, 03:48 PM
Ok not a customer...but still stupid as fuck. New manager at the club, Dumb as a box of rocks. HAlfway throughthe shift I'm freshening up in the dressing room. He comes back and tells me I have a tag hanging from my bra. Doesnt wait for me to get MY scissors to cut it..he has the house mom do it. SO now I feel obligated to tip her.
And THEN he says "you work here? I thought you were a customer"...WTF??? I'm walking around AND in the dressing room in a bra, schoolgirl skirt and stripper heels. Not to mention the garter on my leg, the fact that I've been on stage a million times and been doing dances.
How he showers without drowing is beyond me. I dont give him long...
michele_b
02-11-2008, 10:31 AM
Wed night: Give a guy one dance, really nice guy, seemed normal, then decides to confess to me he is a fecal-feliac and would pay me $500 to watch me poop.
And no, he was not a troll, this guy was for real cause he also asked my sister.
Did you let him do it? I would do it. That would be the easiest $500 I could ever make, lol.
sxybrat07
02-11-2008, 10:49 AM
^^ Is even funnier considering "Columbia" is the Ivy League School, while "Colombia" is the South American country...
Makes me wonder which one he thought you could never go to? :)
You were wearing a "Colombia" hoodie? I want to get one of those.
Dur. Maybe he was right lol. It said Columbia. :propeller: I never remember which is which.
What a weirdo! Had you even talked to him that night? I know people stereotype us, but it still always astounds me a little bit when someone says something like that out of the blue.
Nope, hadn't said a word. In fact, I think the only person he'd talked to was the bartender, who is also a dancer, who also has a Masters degree. So... :shrug:
kitty69
02-11-2008, 11:13 AM
"Do you work here?"
Lol, I get asked the same. My answer is "No I always come out drinking wearing nothing but my underwear and 6" strippers shoes." Duh!
The other night I had a guy from roughly the same area as me, all dressed up in what so obviously was his finest attire thinking he was some kinda big shot. So we get to talking and he is asking me if I know this place and that place, then this person and that person. He was getting more and more frustrated as unfortunately I didn't know who he was talking about, until he just shouted "SHUT UP" and put his hand over my mouth! WTF? Anyway I kept my calm and said "Don't ever lay your hand on me again". Just as I was saying this a guy walked over to rescue me with the line "Hey buddy, you don't touch the strippers!" My hero lol.:flirt:
Guess in future I really should get to know the 100's of thousands of people that live in my county (state), so I don't offend any more customers.::)
kitty69
02-11-2008, 11:16 AM
How he showers without drowing is beyond me. I dont give him long...
:rotfl:
SundayMorning
02-11-2008, 12:17 PM
Did you let him do it? I would do it. That would be the easiest $500 I could ever make, lol.
I wish I could say the same! I have poo anxiety.
NewMoon
02-11-2008, 12:21 PM
"You must be horny all the time working in a place like this."
ummm........ ya. Maybe if this place wasn't full of middle-aged men and beer bellies I would be.
CherryBomb954
02-11-2008, 12:51 PM
Did you let him do it? I would do it. That would be the easiest $500 I could ever make, lol.
Well, no....haha. I've given in to some kinky things (foot fetishes, ball kicking) but thid is a little too much for me.
Damn...I could reallllyyyy use that 500$ right now. That's my luck, though. Of course, it couldn't be a guy saying "Can I take you in the CR and spend 500$ on you?" It has to be "Poop for me for 500$"
So my kind of luck.
zxcire
02-11-2008, 05:09 PM
Yesterday, I was asked if I'm from "Czechoslovakia." Because I have black hair.
Lysondra
02-11-2008, 06:04 PM
Siggy!
WAHOO! Chicken dance!
Lysondra
02-11-2008, 07:33 PM
Customer: "The back of your neck... is it in Spanish or something?"
(for those who don't know, this is my tattoo)
Sadly, this is not the first time I've gotten this. Along with 'OOOH! HYROGLYPHICS!"
Crow2
02-11-2008, 10:20 PM
I was told this gem tonight. "If I had jock itch. I'd let you scratch it."
The guy obviously was impressed with my nails.
Great. Thanks dude. You made my night. Ew
britt244
02-12-2008, 12:41 AM
"what's a nice jewish girl like you doing in a place like this?"
...i'm not jewish /:O
Zinaida
02-12-2008, 12:53 AM
Customer: "The back of your neck... is it in Spanish or something?"
ROFL!!! :D
PrettyCurlieQ
02-12-2008, 09:12 AM
"what's a nice jewish girl like you doing in a place like this?"
...i'm not jewish /:O
:rotfl: That entertains me to no end!
CherryBomb954
02-12-2008, 03:25 PM
"what's a nice jewish girl like you doing in a place like this?"
...i'm not jewish /:O
What in the WORLD?!:wide-eyed
Alaska
02-12-2008, 03:28 PM
I dunno, guess he thought she looked Jewish? Not that shocking. Ppl see shit when they're drunk too as we all know.
britt244
02-12-2008, 03:31 PM
^ theres no alcohol at my club. and ive never ever heard that i look jewish. im italian!
Alaska
02-12-2008, 03:37 PM
Lol, I've never heard it once and I'm half!
TigersMilk
02-12-2008, 03:40 PM
Customer: "The back of your neck... is it in Spanish or something?"
Sadly, this is not the first time I've gotten this. Along with 'OOOH! HYROGLYPHICS!"
Oh damn that is just sad. Spanish??Hieroglyphics?? Cmon now...seriously those guys are retarded.
soulofsyren
02-12-2008, 04:42 PM
After Lap Dance
Customer: Is that all I get for $20???
Me: (With Fake Wonderment) You know, I say the same thing when I put a $20 in my gas tank!
Dottie Rebel
02-12-2008, 04:43 PM
:rotfl: :rotfl:
Alaska
02-12-2008, 04:59 PM
After Lap Dance
Customer: Is that all I get for $20???
Me: (With Fake Wonderment) You know, I say the same thing when I put a $20 in my gas tank!
VERRRRY nice.;D
TheTempest
02-12-2008, 05:13 PM
After Lap Dance
Customer: Is that all I get for $20???
Me: (With Fake Wonderment) You know, I say the same thing when I put a $20 in my gas tank!
I'm totally stealing that line!!
Lysondra
02-12-2008, 06:57 PM
Oh damn that is just sad. Spanish??Hieroglyphics?? Cmon now...seriously those guys are retarded.
Yeah I know. It's even happened enough times I've stopped putting my hair up. I actually get it at LEAST once a week. Spanish? Fucking SPANISH?!
Pretty_Penny
02-12-2008, 07:15 PM
here are some gems from my last week
#1.
customer: (points at my nose ring) i see you got a little ring there.
me: yep
customer: so... you like that then?
#2
customer: i can totally understand lesbians. you woman are so soft and gentle and you can share all these emotions that men aren't capable of.
me: don't forget the fisting!
#3
customer: what do you do besides this?
me: i'm a fill time student, i intern at two galleries, and i'm an artist
customer: so you like.... color?
#4
customer: my eye is glass, want me to take it out?
me: no, that's alright
customer: no really it is, want me to take it out?
me: ............................no...................r eally............... that's alright
Pretty_Penny
02-12-2008, 07:25 PM
and lysondra. i feel ya on the tattoo thing. this is the one on my back.. and THIS is what i get from customers:
"is that an octopus?" (i get that like once every 6 months)
"is that a deer/reindeer?" (i get that one about 10-15 times a month)
and the winner for for dumbest comment about my back tattoo ever:
"what is that supposed to be? a brain?" (only gotten that once)
occasionally someone will look like they're thinking really hard.. stop.. grab me to "hold me still" and then say "what is that?...it looks like..a heart... with some.. branches?
and then i go "exactly"
and then they go "why?" or "what is that supposed to mean?"
SIGH
"IT MEANS, OH MY GOD SHUT UP AND LET ME DANCE FOR YOU"
Lysondra
02-12-2008, 07:28 PM
AGGGHHH what does it MEAN?! It means I wanted a heart with branches damnit!!
I love when people ask me what mine means. It's like... it means I like computers? It means I don't want to spend half an hour explaining why I decided to get it done? It means I LIKED IT.
I don't get why 'Because I liked it' can't be a good enough answer for some people.
Why did you get that piercing. Because I LIKED IT. Why did you only get one nipple pierced. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING WANTED YOU DIPSHIT. 'But whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?'
AGH!! There is no WHY! WHY do you like naked chicks rubbing on you for money?! WHY DID I GET MY TATTOO. BECAUSE WE BOTH WANTED TO YOU IGNORAMUS!
AlexxaHex
02-12-2008, 07:33 PM
The "WHYYYY?" questions are the main reason I cover my stomach tattoo. Otherwise I would never get any hustling done. All my time would be taken up explaining it to people, or being an asshole for not explaining myself every 5 minutes.
And wait...Spanish?? What?? Right, because Spanish is written in symbols. Just...wow.
ViolaStrings
02-12-2008, 08:17 PM
I have Carpe Diem on my hip, a guy once asked me "Why do you have Captain Dan tatooed on you?"
I had my grandfather's name tatooed on me after he died (yea, he'd be so proud) and people constantly ask me what it is. I screw with them and make up something new every night. I need to get it removed.
I have a fleur de lis, and people are always like "saints?" "boy scouts?" yea - I'm a girl with a football and weeblo tattoo. It's not even the same one they use, not even close. I just LIKE IT.
I have f-holes (like a violin) on my back and I have to constantly explain to everyone what they are. Most people really like it, though. I had a drunk guy keep badgering me about it last night. When I explained it to him, he was like "You want me to believe you really play the violin?" and I said "Yea... and the viola since I was 8" and he rolled his eyes like all strippers are ignorant and could never conceivably figure out how to play music. He was like "well, uh, where are your e flats and stuff?" (wtf) I responded, "I don't have an e flat, but I do have a g string." He finally shut up.
Yekhefah
02-12-2008, 10:00 PM
Tonight I got this one:
Him: "I like your glasses. I like that whole nerdy thing you got there."
Me: "Thank you!" (booty shake)
Him: "Oh, never mind. Nerds can't shake their butts like that. I bet those glasses are fake."
Lysondra
02-12-2008, 10:02 PM
...say....what?
Yekhefah
02-12-2008, 10:03 PM
:laughing: He totally meant it too. He wouldn't get a dance from me or tip me after that because I was a fake nerd, just pretending to be nerdy when I was really... I dunno, a booty-shakin' stripper? I guess only people with perfect eyesight can shake it.
paintgoddess
02-12-2008, 11:45 PM
Why did you only get one nipple pierced. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING WANTED YOU DIPSHIT. 'But whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?'
^^^Every night... the young and old ask me this. I want to start hustling like this: "Hi, I'm _____. _____ is not my real name. I'm ____ tall and I only wanted one nip pierced. I walk in my shoes just fine and yes I love dancing. My night is fine. I don't know when I'm on stage next. Yes I dance real good. No I do not have a boyfriend. I work until 4. No, I don't go to school. I have my degree. Is there something you really want to know?"
ellebelle
02-13-2008, 01:22 AM
^^^ That's gold
Zinaida
02-13-2008, 01:26 AM
"what is that supposed to be? a brain?" (only gotten that once)
LOL!! I really hope that the guys making these horrible tatoo-analyses were seriously innebreated.
I had a guy argue with me over my ethnicity once.
I walked up to him and he said: "Ooh, a little Irish girl!"
Me: "I'm not Irish."
Him: "Yes you are."
Me: "No I'm not."
Him: "Yes you are."
Me: "Dude, I think I'd know a little bit better than you." ::)