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Zinaida
02-13-2008, 01:27 AM
and yes I love dancing. My night is fine. I don't know when I'm on stage next. Yes I dance real good. No I do not have a boyfriend. I work until 4. No, I don't go to school. I have my degree. Is there something you really want to know?"
You took the exact words right out of my mouth.

MissAlethea
02-13-2008, 04:22 AM
Not quite a customer comment, but it cracked me up nonetheless-
Scene: I'm walking down the hall of my apt. building to go grab my cab, at 8 at night, in full hair and makeup, complete with glitter eyeliner and fake eyelashes, with my work bag and my super big pair of heels slung over my shoulder, the ones with the dice in the platforms. My new neighbor, who is sweet but about as sharp as a marble, is coming the other way.
Her: Wow, you're all done up, where are you off to?
Me: Going to work...
Her: (totally seriously) Oh, what do you do?
Me: (pointed glance at the heels, long pause) ...I'm an investment banker.

*sigh* Behold, the future of America...

AmazingKat
02-13-2008, 04:38 AM
I hear a "you look like Bettie Page" comment about five times a night

NOTHING about me looks like her. Its just that I have black hair I think. Otherwise I have a very angled face, no bangs, and no curves. Maybe because I wear leopard print on occasion?

Lysondra
02-13-2008, 07:16 AM
I'm CONVINCED people only see hair colour and skin colour and nothing else on people except certain trademarks. So if you're a tanned brunette with a mole, you're fucking CINDY CRAWFORD... or if you're pale with black hair, you're BETTIE PAGE/DITA.... tall and short haired blonde? PARIS HILTON... black and brown hair? BEYONCE...

ffs...men never seem to look past the hair and skintone... ARGH

Susan-Va
02-13-2008, 09:37 AM
Years ago I had a guy that swore up and down I was a dead ringer for Jenna Jameson. Yeah if she were 5'10, flt chested with orange hair. Even with my boobs and darker hair, still look NOTHING like her.

Polekitten
02-13-2008, 09:52 AM
Not quite a customer comment, but it cracked me up nonetheless-
Scene: I'm walking down the hall of my apt. building to go grab my cab, at 8 at night, in full hair and makeup, complete with glitter eyeliner and fake eyelashes, with my work bag and my super big pair of heels slung over my shoulder, the ones with the dice in the platforms. My new neighbor, who is sweet but about as sharp as a marble, is coming the other way.
Her: Wow, you're all done up, where are you off to?
Me: Going to work...
Her: (totally seriously) Oh, what do you do?
Me: (pointed glance at the heels, long pause) ...I'm an investment banker.

*sigh* Behold, the future of America...


Hehe, I love this. ;D

cameron_keys
02-13-2008, 10:03 AM
LOL!! I really hope that the guys making these horrible tatoo-analyses were seriously innebreated.

I had a guy argue with me over my ethnicity once.
I walked up to him and he said: "Ooh, a little Irish girl!"
Me: "I'm not Irish."
Him: "Yes you are."
Me: "No I'm not."
Him: "Yes you are."
Me: "Dude, I think I'd know a little bit better than you." ::)

Oh yeah..I had one guy INSIST I was Puerto Rican. WTF?? I couldnt be any whiter. His rationale?? He knew a Puerto Rican chick once with blonde hair.


I'm CONVINCED people only see hair colour and skin colour and nothing else on people except certain trademarks. So if you're a tanned brunette with a mole, you're fucking CINDY CRAWFORD... or if you're pale with black hair, you're BETTIE PAGE/DITA.... tall and short haired blonde? PARIS HILTON... black and brown hair? BEYONCE...

ffs...men never seem to look past the hair and skintone... ARGH

Yep..I get Jessica Simpson constantly. I look NOTHING like her. All they see is blonde hair and big boobs. Nothing else. Proof? When I dye my hair red..I NEVER get Jessica.

AlexxaHex
02-13-2008, 10:24 AM
^^^Every night... the young and old ask me this. I want to start hustling like this: "Hi, I'm _____. _____ is not my real name. I'm ____ tall and I only wanted one nip pierced. I walk in my shoes just fine and yes I love dancing. My night is fine. I don't know when I'm on stage next. Yes I dance real good. No I do not have a boyfriend. I work until 4. No, I don't go to school. I have my degree. Is there something you really want to know?"

I'm siggy-stealing this!! :D

gypsy_girlchild
02-13-2008, 10:40 AM
:laughing: He totally meant it too. He wouldn't get a dance from me or tip me after that because I was a fake nerd, just pretending to be nerdy when I was really... I dunno, a booty-shakin' stripper? I guess only people with perfect eyesight can shake it.

heh, fake nerd...

I always get the "you're lying, you're not this cool." Um, yeah.. I am faking everything I say. screw it, I'm not even talking, it's all a recording.

gypsy_girlchild
02-13-2008, 10:41 AM
him: wow a girl that has a personality!
me: yes, I can speak
him: most girls when I ask what else they do other than work here, they tell me they have a puppy.
me: I have two and a cat. she bites
him: oh
(silence)

RoseLeigh
02-13-2008, 11:18 AM
him: wow a girl that has a personality!
me: yes, I can speak
him: most girls when I ask what else they do other than work here, they tell me they have a puppy.
me: I have two and a cat. she bites
him: oh
(silence)

Wow. When guys ask what I do 'other than this' I am so telling them I have a puppy. :D

Going to work soon, should come home with something good. Wednesday is weirdo day.

Brendita
02-13-2008, 11:23 AM
I hear a "you look like Bettie Page" comment about five times a night

NOTHING about me looks like her. Its just that I have black hair I think. Otherwise I have a very angled face, no bangs, and no curves. Maybe because I wear leopard print on occasion?

TELL ME ABOUT IT! Lol. Even before I had bangs, I got this line constantly. You have black hair? I have a thing for black haired girls. mmm.

My fav is still this one...
Me: Hi, what's your name?
Him: I'm (whatever his damn name was)
Me: I'm Violet
Him: EYELID?!
He proceeds to call me Eyelid throughout my entire set.

Yeah dude, Eyelid. My stripper name is fucking EYELID. Sexy.

RoseLeigh
02-13-2008, 11:28 AM
^^Hahahaha. For some reason guys think my name is Bruce. It's Rose. ROSE! Like the flower, people.

Can we call you eyelid?

AlexxaHex
02-13-2008, 11:46 AM
TELL ME ABOUT IT! Lol. Even before I had bangs, I got this line constantly. You have black hair? I have a thing for black haired girls. mmm.

My fav is still this one...
Me: Hi, what's your name?
Him: I'm (whatever his damn name was)
Me: I'm Violet
Him: EYELID?!
He proceeds to call me Eyelid throughout my entire set.

Yeah dude, Eyelid. My stripper name is fucking EYELID. Sexy.

:rotfl: LOL!! I don't know why this is making me laugh so hard. But it is!

Yekhefah
02-13-2008, 12:12 PM
I totally believe that about Eyelid. My stage name is Lily and every shift there are at least five guys who think I'm saying my name is Willy. The last time someone called me Willy I asked him if that was what he came here to see... he didn't get it.

RebeccaSolidarity
02-13-2008, 01:21 PM
Yep..I get Jessica Simpson constantly. I look NOTHING like her. All they see is blonde hair and big boobs. Nothing else. Proof? When I dye my hair red..I NEVER get Jessica.

Not even... Jessica Rabbit? (Roger... what a man... *swoons* I mean... uh...)

Erm... yes... back on point...!

I once had someone midway through session (okay different kind of customer but still a customer, technically) ask me if my socks made me taller. I am pretty sure he meant to ask if my socks made me look taller, but I laughed at him anyway. I could not help it.

Brendita
02-13-2008, 02:30 PM
^^Hahahaha. For some reason guys think my name is Bruce. It's Rose. ROSE! Like the flower, people.

Can we call you eyelid?

hahaha Bruce. That reminds me of the Life of Brian.
Well you can call me Eyelid if I can call you Bruce. Zxcire calls me Eyelid.

sun child
02-13-2008, 02:33 PM
This isn't really dumb customer comment, more of a dumb and puzzling customer action. Yesterday at my day shift a customer was in the darkest corner of the club. At first I didn't see him, and when I did it startled me. He stared at me dancing on the stage. Two out of my three songs went by without him tipping, so I assumed he was a lurker who wasn't going to tip. Then he slowly walked up to the stage and set down a dollar bill wrapped around a white piece of paper. He then gingerly placed two quarters on top of the dollar bill. I didn't want to read the paper right there on the stage, so I just placed the dollar (and the quarters) on the floor with my other ones.

The piece of paper had a number on it. $1.50 plus a number. THANKS DUDE. Immediately after I went off stage he left without a word.

paintgoddess
02-13-2008, 02:41 PM
I once had someone ask me if my socks made me taller.

^^I hear they make your boobs look bigger though if you wear them right. ;)

And the guy that gave a $1.50 stage tip..... wow... Way to give 150%!!!!

Alaska
02-13-2008, 04:26 PM
TELL ME ABOUT IT! Lol. Even before I had bangs, I got this line constantly. You have black hair? I have a thing for black haired girls. mmm.

My fav is still this one...
Me: Hi, what's your name?
Him: I'm (whatever his damn name was)
Me: I'm Violet
Him: EYELID?!
He proceeds to call me Eyelid throughout my entire set.

Yeah dude, Eyelid. My stripper name is fucking EYELID. Sexy.

Omg!! :rotfl:

Last nite I finally got fed up with all the ppl who say "QUATUM??" "OH-TUM"?? I get Quatum every single nite many times. It's Autum, and I say it like "awww" not with short o or whatever.

So for every one that did it I said forget about it, just call me McLovin'. Success!

Yekhefah
02-13-2008, 05:14 PM
This isn't really dumb customer comment, more of a dumb and puzzling customer action. Yesterday at my day shift a customer was in the darkest corner of the club. At first I didn't see him, and when I did it startled me. He stared at me dancing on the stage. Two out of my three songs went by without him tipping, so I assumed he was a lurker who wasn't going to tip. Then he slowly walked up to the stage and set down a dollar bill wrapped around a white piece of paper. He then gingerly placed two quarters on top of the dollar bill. I didn't want to read the paper right there on the stage, so I just placed the dollar (and the quarters) on the floor with my other ones.

The piece of paper had a number on it. $1.50 plus a number. THANKS DUDE. Immediately after I went off stage he left without a word.

I hope you called him from a pay phone just to let him know what a douchebag he is.

Lysondra
02-13-2008, 06:25 PM
I once had a guy tip me with a plastic surgeon's business card.

Nice.


And WTF do you say when they ask what you do 'other than this'? I've finally just taken to saying I'm in uni. I get tipped extra for books now because of it. Saying I have 5 birds and three cats and like to cook organic food is apparently boring. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT WORKING? 'Oh I sit at home and watch TV.'... THEY can say that because they're MEN... but strippers? NAH, we have to g to uni..or party every day... or have 8 billion dates with 9 billion people.... wtfever.

Yekhefah
02-13-2008, 06:27 PM
When I'm not working, I'm masturbating. They seem to like that answer.

Oh, and once I got tipped with a Chick Tract. Right in my garter!

sun child
02-13-2008, 06:49 PM
What's a Chick Tract? Wow, I didn't even realize the 50 cents was for a phone call! Who doesn't have a cell phone? He seemed really pimpish to me. I even thought the $1.50 was some secret code. He also had a hat that looked rather pimpish to me.

scarlett_vancouver
02-13-2008, 06:53 PM
My fav is still this one...
Me: Hi, what's your name?
Him: I'm (whatever his damn name was)
Me: I'm Violet
Him: EYELID?!
He proceeds to call me Eyelid throughout my entire set.

Yeah dude, Eyelid. My stripper name is fucking EYELID. Sexy.


omfg :rotfl:

I get Skylight. "Hi, I'm Scarlett". "Skylight? Hi Skylight." All the frickin' time. Oddly, few of them bat an eye at my awesome chosen name of Skylight. ::)

Yekhefah
02-13-2008, 06:54 PM
are the best thing that fundamentalist Christians have ever come out with. Scroll down at that link and you can see them online. Fundamentalists leave them in places where they'll be found, or give them to people they're trying to "save." I used to get them all the time when I was a waitress, and you often see them in little piles in gas station bathrooms in the South (they're hoping you'll pick them up to read while you're on the john, and get saved when you see their Awesome Message).

Brendita
02-13-2008, 08:17 PM
Chick Tracts (http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlist.asp) are the best thing that fundamentalist Christians have ever come out with. Scroll down at that link and you can see them online. Fundamentalists leave them in places where they'll be found, or give them to people they're trying to "save." I used to get them all the time when I was a waitress, and you often see them in little piles in gas station bathrooms in the South (they're hoping you'll pick them up to read while you're on the john, and get saved when you see their Awesome Message).

OMG hahaha I cant believe somebody gavee you that.

Yekhefah
02-13-2008, 08:23 PM
Yup. It was this one, - guess it's only the girls who need to behave.

scarlett_vancouver
02-13-2008, 08:32 PM
Wow, those are really, really creepy. And funny. "Keep on partying!" sez Satan. :rotfl:

Polekitten
02-13-2008, 08:34 PM
Me - Whats the special occasion that brings you here tonight
Guy - I'm in here for work
Me - Your a stripper too?
Guy - No my wife runs a modelling agency and she sent me here to find new talent.
Me - Where are you from?
Guy - Birmingham
Me - So your wife sent you 200 miles across the country to come specifically to this club to look for models
Guy - Yeah and I really think you've got what it takes, you don't need to do his job you know, you could be famous, can I take your picture?
::)

cameron_keys
02-13-2008, 08:47 PM
Yup. It was this one, - guess it's only the girls who need to behave.

HA! "low grade condoms"!! So ....am I moral if I use HIGH grade condoms??

RoseWhite
02-13-2008, 08:56 PM
O.M.effing.G. on the Chick Tracts. Seriously, Mast has a PILE of them. Dozens. He just moved a bunch of his stuff here a few weeks ago and there's a stack of them on the bookshelf right behind me this very moment.

I know he partly has them for irony/novelty/kitsch, but I always wondered if there wasn't a deeper, more nefarious purpose. NOW I KNOW. He's tipping his favorite fallen women with them!!!

Yekhefah
02-13-2008, 09:02 PM
HA! "low grade condoms"!! So ....am I moral if I use HIGH grade condoms??

I wondered the same thing!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

CherryBomb954
02-14-2008, 01:48 AM
Ahhh! This is one for the books. I get off stage tonight and a guy grabs me, I proceed to try to get a dance and he says no. Then he asked me to sit with him, and I said if I am going to sit with you...then you can at least buy me a drink. Dude gets all irate....
"Why should I buy you a drink? You should be buying me one. You girls are all rich"
Me: "What??"
Guy: "Yeah, us people out here in the real world have things we need to take care of. I have a house, a mortgage, a wife, kids...."
Me: "And what makes you think I don't? This is work. I have bills too. I'm here to make a living"
Guy: "Bills...yeah right!"
Me: " Yes. I have a ton of credit card debt I am trying to pay off, rent, groceries, insurance, etc..."
Guy: "Oh, boo hoo. Credit card debt from what?! Shopping all the time??!!"
Me: "Ok dude I am done with you"
Guy: "Wait no I didn't mean to offend you, it's just I know you girls make like 10,000 dollars a month and I hate when you try to hustle me like you really need money"

Jesus effing christ

MoniD
02-14-2008, 10:04 AM
Yup. It was this one, "Party Girl" (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0099/0099_01.asp) - guess it's only the girls who need to behave.

LMAO. That was so cheesy. Do they really think those are effective? It may not have saved my soul, but I did learn that Satan throws the best parties.

michele_b
02-14-2008, 10:20 AM
Ahhh! This is one for the books. I get off stage tonight and a guy grabs me, I proceed to try to get a dance and he says no. Then he asked me to sit with him, and I said if I am going to sit with you...then you can at least buy me a drink. Dude gets all irate....
"Why should I buy you a drink? You should be buying me one. You girls are all rich"
Me: "What??"
Guy: "Yeah, us people out here in the real world have things we need to take care of. I have a house, a mortgage, a wife, kids...."
Me: "And what makes you think I don't? This is work. I have bills too. I'm here to make a living"
Guy: "Bills...yeah right!"
Me: " Yes. I have a ton of credit card debt I am trying to pay off, rent, groceries, insurance, etc..."
Guy: "Oh, boo hoo. Credit card debt from what?! Shopping all the time??!!"
Me: "Ok dude I am done with you"
Guy: "Wait no I didn't mean to offend you, it's just I know you girls make like 10,000 dollars a month and I hate when you try to hustle me like you really need money"

Jesus effing christ

I can't STAND those types of customers. I always wanted to ring their fuckin necks!!>:(

Yekhefah
02-14-2008, 10:40 AM
^^^ Same here. That's my least favorite customer, I'd rather have Dirty Sweatpants Man than that guy.

cameron_keys
02-14-2008, 10:51 AM
I can't STAND those types of customers. I always wanted to ring their fuckin necks!!>:(

Yep me too. I love when you get one of those, and then 10 seconds later you get Captain Save A Ho saying he KNOWS the club and our boyfriends take all our money..blah blah....

Ummm..am I a rich bitch or a poor whore???

I've actually said to these guys "Oh_____..ok..is THAT the stereotype we're working with right now? Just so I know which speech to recite...."

iambonbon05
02-14-2008, 11:41 AM
Ha. On the name thing, half the time when I say my name is Blue, they make some dumb crack about how I'm not wearing blue, or their names red, or something.

The other half of the time they think I said Blow. Yeah, short for blowjob betty! PERFECT stripper name!

holiday
02-14-2008, 12:48 PM
Yep me too. I love when you get one of those, and then 10 seconds later you get Captain Save A Ho saying he KNOWS the club and our boyfriends take all our money..blah blah....

Ummm..am I a rich bitch or a poor whore???


:D :D :D Captain Save A Ho, Holy shit, that's funny. And what a fucking awesome line!

I
've actually said to these guys "Oh_____..ok..is THAT the stereotype we're working with right now? Just so I know which speech to recite...."

cameron_keys
02-14-2008, 12:50 PM
:D :D :D Captain Save A Ho, Holy shit, that's funny. And what a fucking awesome line!

I

Thanks..I cant claim it though!

CherryBomb954
02-14-2008, 02:50 PM
^^^ Same here. That's my least favorite customer, I'd rather have Dirty Sweatpants Man than that guy.

Dirty sweatpants man would have been a blessing last night compared to all the douches I dealt with. At least they get dances....haha

CherryBomb954
02-14-2008, 02:55 PM
Ha. On the name thing, half the time when I say my name is Blue, they make some dumb crack about how I'm not wearing blue, or their names red, or something.

The other half of the time they think I said Blow. Yeah, short for blowjob betty! PERFECT stripper name!

Equally annoying is having red hair and getting called "red" or I am walking by a table "hey, red!"

Susan-Va
02-14-2008, 07:35 PM
Thanks..I cant claim it though!

I've heard some comedian use that, I can't remember his name. My favorite line form his skit is "Sure I'll hold you baby while you do a lap dance."

Pretty_Penny
02-14-2008, 09:10 PM
I hear a "you look like Bettie Page" comment about five times a night

NOTHING about me looks like her. Its just that I have black hair I think. Otherwise I have a very angled face, no bangs, and no curves. Maybe because I wear leopard print on occasion?

i understand. i get ANY redhead. all the time. nevermind that i don't remotely resemble 90% of them.

Pretty_Penny
02-14-2008, 09:16 PM
ps.

yesterday i had this convo with a guy who was "in love" with me.

customer: can i buy you a fucking house?
me: absolutely.
customer: i mean, SERIOUSLY?
me: you sure can
customer: i really fucking will
me: sweet!
customer: i'm for real. i have 8 million in my bank account right now
me: cool. write me a check. i can find a modest house for 150 thousand.
customer: i love your hair
me: what happened to my house?
customer: you wanna do some more dances?
me: sure!

lol

why doesn't anyone ACTUALLY go through with these things (not that i expected him to.. OBVIOUSLY).

but damn it.. i hear girls talking about being bought cars and all kinds of shit. why do my guys always gotta be fibbin?

RoseLeigh
02-14-2008, 09:27 PM
Ha. On the name thing, half the time when I say my name is Blue, they make some dumb crack about how I'm not wearing blue, or their names red, or something.

The other half of the time they think I said Blow. Yeah, short for blowjob betty! PERFECT stripper name!

Hahah. We have a girl named Blue, too. Some guy asked her how to spell it.

SundayMorning
02-14-2008, 10:45 PM
ps.

yesterday i had this convo with a guy who was "in love" with me.

customer: can i buy you a fucking house?
me: absolutely.
customer: i mean, SERIOUSLY?
me: you sure can
customer: i really fucking will
me: sweet!
customer: i'm for real. i have 8 million in my bank account right now
me: cool. write me a check. i can find a modest house for 150 thousand.
customer: i love your hair
me: what happened to my house?
customer: you wanna do some more dances?
me: sure!

lol

why doesn't anyone ACTUALLY go through with these things (not that i expected him to.. OBVIOUSLY).

but damn it.. i hear girls talking about being bought cars and all kinds of shit. why do my guys always gotta be fibbin?

This is really really funny to me.

Yekhefah
02-15-2008, 02:45 AM
I finally said it tonight. I finally said it, and I'm so proud.

Him (sitting in the club for 4 hours without spending any money on the dancers): I just know cars.
Me: Mmm.
Him: Yeah. I was born with a wrench in my hand. I grew up with it.
Me (because I know SFA about cars): Like cooking, I guess. It was just always there.
Him: You cook?
Me: Oh yeah. I'm not a great cook but I have fun with it.
Him: So when are you gonna cook ME dinner?
Me: When you spend some money.

Even he cracked up laughing and he left soon after, promising to bring his buddies at the next payday. Whatever. I'm just so pleased that I finally fucking said it!

WTF, when am I gonna cook dinner for his cheap ass. He knew he wasn't spending anything and I was only talking to him because no one else was in the club and I was bored. Who do these guys think they are?

Kaylinn
02-15-2008, 03:03 AM
him: Im not here to spend money. If I were to buy a dance, it'd have to be reallly naughy.
me: dude, it's 20 fucking dollars. what do you expect?
him: exactly! 20 dollars! It would have to be a really naughty dance.
me: ::) adios