View Full Version : Stupid Customer Comments
Yekhefah
02-15-2008, 03:17 AM
Oh, that reminds me. I had another great one tonight...
Him: Oh, lapdances. (Superior little snort) No, I don't do that.
Me: You don't like a naked woman on your lap?
Him: Not if she's not sucking my dick.
What a class act. I wonder why this Awesome Prize was single on Valentine's Day??
Lysondra
02-15-2008, 08:25 AM
"what happened to my house?"
I am amused.
AlexxaHex
02-15-2008, 08:40 AM
Yup. It was this one, - guess it's only the girls who need to behave.
I love how the Satan looks just like Anton LaVey! He would be proud.
thickienikkie
02-15-2008, 09:56 AM
confused custy: your hott... in a white girl, way you know that.
me: Never, I never considered my self to be white, I think we both know why...
confused custy: I would actually give you money to shake that
ass for me..
Me: you can't have you cake and eat it too...
custy: def. a chocolate cake I would eat.
me: yeah but I'm straight.
I clapped my booty in his face and walked away
britt244
02-15-2008, 10:02 AM
^ im confused...
AlexxaHex
02-15-2008, 10:03 AM
^I don't get it.
cameron_keys
02-15-2008, 10:21 AM
^me either..
thickienikkie
02-15-2008, 10:22 AM
i'm straight means i didn't need his money if i had to be white, but i was hott enough for him, and i had a booty..
no sir that was an insult to me
so he can't have his cake and eat it too
Taylorlila
02-15-2008, 10:53 AM
TELL ME ABOUT IT! Lol. Even before I had bangs, I got this line constantly. You have black hair? I have a thing for black haired girls. mmm.
My fav is still this one...
Me: Hi, what's your name?
Him: I'm (whatever his damn name was)
Me: I'm Violet
Him: EYELID?!
He proceeds to call me Eyelid throughout my entire set.
Yeah dude, Eyelid. My stripper name is fucking EYELID. Sexy.
bwhahahahahaahahaha. I totally just burst out laughing at that in my bfs store and got looked at like I was a retard.
^^^Every night... the young and old ask me this. I want to start hustling like this: "Hi, I'm _____. _____ is not my real name. I'm ____ tall and I only wanted one nip pierced. I walk in my shoes just fine and yes I love dancing. My night is fine. I don't know when I'm on stage next. Yes I dance real good. No I do not have a boyfriend. I work until 4. No, I don't go to school. I have my degree. Is there something you really want to know?"
:D thats funny because its so true.
Yekhefah
02-15-2008, 12:27 PM
I love how the Satan looks just like Anton LaVey! He would be proud.
OMG he really DOES! I hadn't even noticed that!
http://www.chick.com/tractimages25471/0099/0099_06.gif
http://homepage.mac.com/tigger_g/MyWebsite/files/page0_blog_entry51_1.jpg
RebeccaSolidarity
02-15-2008, 01:12 PM
LaVey also looks a lot like Ming the Merciless from that Flash Gordon movie.
Ima nerd.
White & Nerdy
02-16-2008, 09:12 PM
Yeah dude, Eyelid. My stripper name is fucking EYELID. Sexy.
I want to see the stripper duet of "Eyelid and Earlobe." ;D
Polekitten
02-17-2008, 01:49 PM
Was just reminded by the PG rated stripper movie in the lounge.
Some guy last night said to me, "Hey, is this a kareoke bar?"
I was like "No you drunken idiot, its a strip bar."
Him, "Aww, that sucks, coz if it had been a kareoke bar I was gonna sing a song."
A PL if ever I saw one, so drunk he didn't even know where the heck he was.
RebeccaSolidarity
02-17-2008, 01:55 PM
i still have fantasies about a stripclub that also has karaoke.
no clue about how it work or what would the logistics would be or even the setup.
but something tells me it would be the most ridiculous time ever.
Lunarobverse
02-17-2008, 02:14 PM
I had to jump in and point out thatDevil's Point (http://www.myspace.com/devilspoint) in Portland, OR, has Stripparroke on Sunday nights. :)
RebeccaSolidarity
02-17-2008, 03:03 PM
damnit!
portland has everything.
Susan-Va
02-17-2008, 04:18 PM
i still have fantasies about a stripclub that also has karaoke.
no clue about how it work or what would the logistics would be or even the setup.
but something tells me it would be the most ridiculous time ever.
My club did this years ago, it was horrible! We had to dance to whatever and who ever was singing. Dancing to some crappy ass girl sining "Don't let the sun go down on me" is pure torture, and the ones singing would never tip.
RebeccaSolidarity
02-17-2008, 04:25 PM
ha... yeah, i can totally see that happening.
thus, it remains a fantasy. alas...
oh... this was just with some dude at this mexican bar i really like eating/drinking at, but technically he is a customer of several friends.
me: all these mountains are weird.
him: why?
me: because i am from the desert, where it is flat.
him: you're not flat.
me: ummm, i know. i said the desert. the desert is flat.
him: huh?
me: riiight. so what is it you do again? you said you teach?
way to stay focused on the conversation, dumbass. heh.
Lysondra
02-17-2008, 04:28 PM
Well, at least you're not flat...omgboobies....flat....BOOBIES...what were we talkingaboutBOOOBIES?!
White & Nerdy
02-17-2008, 08:19 PM
A dancer told me that a customer gave her $20 for a dance later. Two hours passed and the customer did not ask for the dance that he pre-paid for. I recommended she go to the customer and say, "Hey, are you ready for that dance yet?"
Crow2
02-17-2008, 08:54 PM
I once had a guy wrap his plastic card hotel key in the middle of three dollars and slide it across the table to me at work. Suave dude... really.
They ask me what else I do my reply is usually "Spend other peoples money after driving home in the pink Barbie car and having pillow fights with my coworkers in flimsy and very expensive desiger name lingere."
Lysondra
02-17-2008, 08:55 PM
^Stealing that for work!!
Crow2
02-18-2008, 09:45 AM
Another one I get all the time is " Wow! You have really big titties" Noooooooooo! Realllllly?
My all time fav question that the motards ask is " are your boobs real" my pat reply is " why do you care? Your dick will never be in the middle of them"
That gets some choice looks. Ha..
Fionaver
02-18-2008, 12:44 PM
You're like a lion - and I'm your lion tamer.
And he meant it, too.
britt244
02-18-2008, 02:55 PM
"you'd be perfeect if you had a dick," said to my friend, not me, by a guy who wanted to talk about fucking his boyfriend the whole time he was getting a lap dance /:O
ChristyWild
02-18-2008, 10:34 PM
okay, here's what I typically say to those that ask what I;m doing after work/this weekend. Since I work 1pm-10pm, I typically tell them I'm going home and going to sleep afterwards. If they ask about the weekend, I tell them "Chores- I have to get my laundry done on my one day off" lol they always look stunned that I axctually do stuff like that like a normal person.
Lysondra
02-18-2008, 10:36 PM
"I have wild orgies with the customers that spent the most that week" sounds good to me.
Polekitten
02-19-2008, 07:49 AM
"I have wild orgies with the customers that spent the most that week" sounds good to me.
Hehe, I like this. I'm stealing it. :P
AlexxaHex
02-19-2008, 07:51 AM
"I have wild orgies with the customers that spent the most that week" sounds good to me.
You rule.
Lysondra
02-19-2008, 08:00 AM
"Man you're hot, wanna go to bed with me?"
"I won't fuck you, I won't blow you, I won't kiss you and after your friends here are done paying me tonight I'll never speak to you again. I don't like you."
"So... tomorrow?"
...>_<
MissAlethea
02-21-2008, 05:51 AM
Background: I try really hard not to drink at work, what with being a lightweight, and underage (not a huge deal at my club, management just sort of lets it slide, but I try not to) So, on to the story:
Dude has been badgering me to drink all night, and the shot girl comes around. Dude slaps a hundred dollar bill down on the table.
Dude: (to shot girl): I'll give you a hundred dollars if you can convince her to take that shot!
SG: (to me) I'll give you half.
Me: *shrug, takes shot*
Bonus: She charged him for the shot, too
Double Bonus: Shot was virgin
Polekitten
02-21-2008, 08:51 AM
Background: I try really hard not to drink at work, what with being a lightweight, and underage (not a huge deal at my club, management just sort of lets it slide, but I try not to) So, on to the story:
Dude has been badgering me to drink all night, and the shot girl comes around. Dude slaps a hundred dollar bill down on the table.
Dude: (to shot girl): I'll give you a hundred dollars if you can convince her to take that shot!
SG: (to me) I'll give you half.
Me: *shrug, takes shot*
Bonus: She charged him for the shot, too
Double Bonus: Shot was virgin
Love it!!!
TheTempest
02-21-2008, 10:49 AM
Background: I try really hard not to drink at work, what with being a lightweight, and underage (not a huge deal at my club, management just sort of lets it slide, but I try not to) So, on to the story:
Dude has been badgering me to drink all night, and the shot girl comes around. Dude slaps a hundred dollar bill down on the table.
Dude: (to shot girl): I'll give you a hundred dollars if you can convince her to take that shot!
SG: (to me) I'll give you half.
Me: *shrug, takes shot*
Bonus: She charged him for the shot, too
Double Bonus: Shot was virgin
you're my hero!
cameron_keys
02-21-2008, 10:53 AM
Background: I try really hard not to drink at work, what with being a lightweight, and underage (not a huge deal at my club, management just sort of lets it slide, but I try not to) So, on to the story:
Dude has been badgering me to drink all night, and the shot girl comes around. Dude slaps a hundred dollar bill down on the table.
Dude: (to shot girl): I'll give you a hundred dollars if you can convince her to take that shot!
SG: (to me) I'll give you half.
Me: *shrug, takes shot*
Bonus: She charged him for the shot, too
Double Bonus: Shot was virgin
FABULOUS!!! Dont you just fucking LOVE bilking the douchbags and beating them at their own stupid childish games???
Polekitten
02-21-2008, 11:16 AM
I've been encoutering many many stupid custys recently. Heres the stupidest last night.
Him - Is it 2 4 1 right now?
Me - Yes
Him - How much is it?
Me - £15
Him - I thought there was £10 dances here?
Me - There is but they're just table dances, I don't usually sell them.
Him - So how much is it then?
Me - Well its £10 or £15 depending on what dance you get.
Him - So its £30?
Me - Er, no, its £15 or £10
Him - But 2 4 1, is that not £30??
:boggled: :banghead:
Yekhefah
02-21-2008, 11:21 AM
^^^ "Silly me! You're right, it IS thirty!" :D
Polekitten
02-21-2008, 03:54 PM
^^^ "Silly me! You're right, it IS thirty!" :D
This is the worst bit! I was like, ok, lets say £30 then, thinking I'm being smart and he goes , "Oh no, I can't afford thats, thats way too much."
Really, I wanted to rip my arm off just so I'd have something to hit him with.
MissAlethea
02-21-2008, 04:48 PM
^^^ Doncha love having to explain basic pricing to guys who spent the last half hour telling you they're in finance?
iambonbon05
02-21-2008, 04:57 PM
I hate how about 90% of the time if I ask for a dance that they ask how much it is anyway. Really, there's signs EVERYWHERE in the club that tell you all you need to know. Not that hard. Maybe I'll tattoo one boobie with "$15 clothed" and the other with "$30 nude" so I can stop saying it over and over again. And my ass with "Half hour= $150". And throw in one on my pussy that says "no I don't do extras" just for good measure.
Polekitten
02-21-2008, 05:17 PM
Stupid: Come back later.
Me: Later I can't take my top off for you. This is your last chance.
Argh! I get this all the time. We doda 2 4 1 every hour on the hour and so often the guys like "Come back later."
"Its 2 4 1 now, if you want your 2 4 1 you've got to do it now."
"Thats sounds great but I'll have one later."
Sometimes I wonder if they can actually hear me talking or if I'm just saying the words in my head.
Crow2
02-21-2008, 05:52 PM
Geezus... I get the same thing. It goes like this
Me; Would you like a two for one dance?
Dumbass douche; How much is it?
Me; forty dollars for two.
DD; so, that's twenty dollars each?
Me; No. One dance is forty dollars. Your getting one for free.
DD; How much is one dance?
Me; Forty dollars.
DD; Oh. Okay
DUH????
josie
02-22-2008, 06:44 PM
Him: You have a perfect ass.
Me: Well, thank you!
Him: Yeah, seriously, it's perfect. You have the ass of a 10-year-old boy.
Me: (backs away slowly)
paintgoddess
02-22-2008, 09:04 PM
I mined these gems all from the same table last night:
Douche-tard#1: You're not really good at sales. You need to just dance for him and make him pay.
Me: Honey, if I did that, guys would think I was a con. That, and I'd end up eventually getting naked for someone that would refuse to pay, and the manager would back up the customer.
Douchetard #1: Oh.... I guess that's true.
Me: So what do you guys do?
Douche-tard#1: (looks to his friend) How do I explain this so she will understand?
Douche-tard #2: I don't know. It's soooo complicated.
Douche-tard #1: Well, not many people understand what we do.
Me: Try me. What kind of business are you in?
Douche-tard #2: (distracted after I flash him my nipple ring) How do you deal with being turned on like that? Let me see the other nipple. Is it hard?
Me: You can see it next song. And hard nipples doesn't mean you're turned on. You can have an orgasm and not have hard nipples. I had a hard nipple when I got pierced because I pinched it a couple of times for the guy. And trust me... I was not turned on.
Douche-tard #2: That's not true. It means you're turned on right now. You don't have to be embarrassed about it.
Who was the idiot?
And.... moments after my dance.
Douche-tard #2: You know, you have a really Southern body.
Me: A what? What the fuck does that mean?
I then had the pleasure of laughing at him and running away to tell the one other SWer in the building.
Yekhefah
02-22-2008, 10:17 PM
Tonight I gave a guy a really good lapdance even though he said he only had enough money for one dance. Afterward I ask him if he wants to head to the ATM so we can keep going...
Him: Nah, that's okay. (pulls out huge wad of cash, peels off a twenty for me) I got like five hundred bucks, but I need to buy booze with it.
Me: Ohh. I thought you only had enough for one dance. Well, if you want to keep going...
Him: (sarcastic laugh) Yeah, like I'm really gonna spend five hundred bucks on a whore.
I had been really nice to him up to that point, and he'd been polite to me, so I don't know where the fuck that came from. I raised an eyebrow and gave him my best schoolteacher look (this look drops my 6'4" brother dead in his tracks, seriously) and said, "Excuse me, WHAT did you just call me?" He started stuttering that he didn't call me anything and he was sorry if I misunderstood him. I gave him a hard time about it and made him give me another twenty, and told him he better leave the club on his own before I had the bouncer escort him out. WTF prompts people to say things like that?
Had another one too, all the weirdos must've been out today. I was about to start a dance for this guy and suddenly he goes...
Him: Hey, do you ever go on that section of craigslist?
Me: Which section?
Him: You know. Where the girls are.
Me: The personal ads?
Him: (looking awkward) No. The... the other one.
Me: You mean where the whores are?
Him: Yeah. Do you ever go on there?
Me: No.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I'm not a whore.
Him: Oh.
The dance proceeded as normal and he was happy. How totally random.
LilyLove
02-23-2008, 05:19 AM
Tonight I gave a guy a really good lapdance even though he said he only had enough money for one dance. Afterward I ask him if he wants to head to the ATM so we can keep going...
Him: Nah, that's okay. (pulls out huge wad of cash, peels off a twenty for me) I got like five hundred bucks, but I need to buy booze with it.
Me: Ohh. I thought you only had enough for one dance. Well, if you want to keep going...
Him: (sarcastic laugh) Yeah, like I'm really gonna spend five hundred bucks on a whore.
I had been really nice to him up to that point, and he'd been polite to me, so I don't know where the fuck that came from. I raised an eyebrow and gave him my best schoolteacher look (this look drops my 6'4" brother dead in his tracks, seriously) and said, "Excuse me, WHAT did you just call me?" He started stuttering that he didn't call me anything and he was sorry if I misunderstood him. I gave him a hard time about it and made him give me another twenty, and told him he better leave the club on his own before I had the bouncer escort him out. WTF prompts people to say things like that?
Had another one too, all the weirdos must've been out today. I was about to start a dance for this guy and suddenly he goes...
Him: Hey, do you ever go on that section of craigslist?
Me: Which section?
Him: You know. Where the girls are.
Me: The personal ads?
Him: (looking awkward) No. The... the other one.
Me: You mean where the whores are?
Him: Yeah. Do you ever go on there?
Me: No.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I'm not a whore.
Him: Oh.
The dance proceeded as normal and he was happy. How totally random.
I really really really can't wait to work with you!
Yayyyyyy Oregon!
sun child
02-23-2008, 05:59 AM
"You know, that shade of lipstick isn't really flattering with your skin tone. I'm just telling you this as a friend." WTF.
Yekhefah
02-23-2008, 11:28 AM
^^^ I had a guy tell me that once about my eyeshadow! Who the fuck is this guy, Eddie Izzard?
RoseLeigh
02-23-2008, 01:03 PM
^^^ I had a guy tell me that once about my eyeshadow! Who the fuck is this guy, Eddie Izzard?
OMG I wish Eddie Izzard came to my club. For him, I would be a bad, bad stripper. ;D
Back to topic-very strange, incoherant youth at new club (think Ali G-this is a loose translation, since half of it made no sense): So you had a McD's job or something before this?
Me: Nooo, I was a secretary, but I needed a night job.
Ali G: So you couldn't work a stapler?
Me: ....
Pretty_Penny
02-23-2008, 08:27 PM
OMG I wish Eddie Izzard came to my club.
SERIOUSLY. me too. i would even be ok with not making money just to sit and joke with him all night.
Fionaver
02-24-2008, 12:56 AM
"If it were legal, I would kiss your white buttocks."
It came from this rangy old redneck dude tonight. But he sounded exactly like Forrest Gump! I mean, dead on... like butt-ocks and everything.:O