View Full Version : I need you guys
sxybrat07
07-20-2007, 09:40 AM
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. :(
Yekhefah
07-20-2007, 10:10 AM
I'm so sorry, Kaylinn. :hug:
I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but it's definitely possible to carry a full-term pregnancy with a retroverted uterus. My mom is a labor and delivery nurse and she sees it all the time. The only problem is that you have to come in for a catheter around 14 weeks because the baby puts pressure on the urethra and you can't pee. A week or two later everything shifts to a better position and there are no more problems. So it can be done later, when you're ready.
Lola Rose
07-20-2007, 10:28 AM
The one thing women are supposed to do is get pregnant. I failed at doing the one thing women were meant to do. Why would this happen to me?
I'm so frustrated, sad, lost. I was prepared to change my life. Now its gonna stay the same, but completly changed anyway.
I don't even know what to do now.
Sit here and watch the rest come out of me.
oh god, reading this is tearing me apart. I literally have tears pouring out of my eyes, I'm sobbing for you and your loss. I am so sorry this happened to you.
I understand completely how you feel. Like a failure.... like less of a woman...
and people expect you to be okay. but you can't be.... because EVERYTHING is different.
And not being able to stop it, that's the worst. Because all you can think is WHY!!!! why can't I stop this, why can't I keep it inside me....
And there is no at least. At least nothing. 5 weeks is just as painful as 10, or 20 or 40.
There is something innate in a woman, they bond so strong with their unborn baby. An it's so real. Losing it is just as awful as losing a dear family member... You're like.... more connected with that little tiny thing inside you then you could ever immagine....
and it isn't something that someone who's never lost a baby can understand. You can feel sorry, but you don't feel that same emptyness that a mother in this situation does. Losing a baby is about the worst thing that can happen. And there are no answers, no explination, no one to blame, no way to stop or prevent.
it leaves you hollow.
but I promise, you can fight through it. You will live, and eventually, you will be okay.
Surround yourself by people who let you feel, let you heal at your pace. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it. it takes a lot of time, and I don't thik you could ever be 100% over it.
Alexxa hex told me about this concept called spirit babies.... I'll go find it.
Lola Rose
07-20-2007, 10:31 AM
Oh yeah..they also said not only is my uterus tipped back, but my cervix is tilted the opposite direction. intead of all of it lining up straight, my shit is in an S shape. It's called a retroverted uterus, but my cervix is also not in the correct position. She didn't say what that means exactly, for the miscarriage or for future fertility. My cervix is also not completly whole. They had to cut some of it out a few years ago, and it didn't grow back right or heal properly or whatever. I don't know. Guess my shit is all fucked up.
This was my same problem. It makes the likelyhood of miscarriages higher. I'm not sure how much for you, but it's about a 60-70% for me, b/c mine misalignment is fairly severe.
I am going to have children in the near future though (2-4 yrs), so I've had to prepare myself for the likely hood of it... and it's really hard to think about that... but i think it's necessary for me....
Lola Rose
07-20-2007, 10:35 AM
Aww, hun..I know you're pain.
I lost 3 babies. 2 of them before my first son.
But remember, just because you couldn't hold or see your baby, doesn't mean you aren't a mommy.
I found this poem after my third miscarriage. I'm not a religous person, but it helped me, hopefully it will help you too....
What make a mother?
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"
this helped me a lot these past few months... on mothers day and since....
my due date is a week from tomorrow, and I'm feeling so depressed now.... but all the people who support me make me feel loved, and I know my baby loves me, and I know it'll be back someday...
LatinaRose
07-20-2007, 10:50 AM
Oh Kaylinn, I'm so sorry this happened to you and your boyfriend. PM me if you want to talk... :hug:
Taylorlila
07-20-2007, 11:02 AM
Aw, honey I'm sorry to hear that. Best wishes to you in your boyfriend, I've never gone through it but it happened to my brother and his wife and they were devastated...but now they have a beautiful little girl. Everything will come together when it's meant to, and don't beat yourself up over it, because it is in no way your fault.
I'm really sorry, Kaylinn. I've never been in this situation, so I don't have any wonderful words of advice. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you, hon.
Embyr
07-20-2007, 11:40 AM
oh my gosh... i just saw this thread.
Kaylinn, baby i am so sorry... :'( :'( I know how happy you were, even about the unexpectedness of it all. My thoughts and love go out to you... this must be so hard to take. I'm glad your boy is there so you don't have to do it alone. feel better, sweetie... i know it's gonna take time, but you'll pull through...
StevieStar7
07-20-2007, 11:46 AM
:hug:
I'm so sorry.. thats all i can say....i'll be praying for you
Optimist
07-20-2007, 02:22 PM
Wow, I was caught completely off-guard by this news. I hope you'll relax and take it easy on judging yourself. You had no hand in this and because of this you'll be even more prepared for your next pregnancy. You can make lemonade out of these lemons someday soon.
jasmine
07-20-2007, 02:46 PM
I'm so sorry this happened to you! Never feel like you didn't do something right though, and definitely don't let anyone tell you not to feel grief because it was early on. I still mourn my miscarriages and always will. The pain lessens but that comes with time. In the mean time try to do something nice for yourself, it may help take your mind off things for a little while.
(((HUGS))))
Jasmine
sent_from_heaven11
07-20-2007, 02:59 PM
I am sooo sorry. HUGS=) I went through something similar about a year ago with my ex(you can prob find it in my old posts). I had a chemical pregnancy. Which means that it never implanted inself to my uterus. I had a + prenancy test for about 5 days. My boyfriend and I decided to keep it. The day after I started bleeding very heavily. I went to the doc and had the same thing happend. It was not a planned pregnancy so we didn't try again. I also learned how common miscarriages are in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Again sorry for your loss, it really is heartbreaking and if you need someone to talk to you can pm me. This is not your fault! HUGS HUGS HUGS
pookie
07-20-2007, 02:59 PM
Im so sorry. i went through a miscarriage last year.
I hope you are feeling better. Just remember the baby will come back when the time is right. =)
Kaylinn
07-20-2007, 05:19 PM
Thank you guys so much.
I called the doctor today, the one I saw yesterday morning before I went to the ER. My hormone levels were already very low, and I told her what happened at the ER, and what the ultrasound looked like, her conclusion is tat this was never meant to be in the first place. Something didn't happen right to begin with, a miscarriage was meant to happen. It just wasn't right from the start. I suppose that makes me feel slightly better, knowing it wasn't perfectly healthy that just came out for no reason. This one wasn't meant to be. I wish I knew why it didn't happen right, but I know sometimes that's just the way it goes.
You know what's really bothering me? I made ginger cookies. 2 batches of ginger cookes to get ready to help the morning sickness I just started feeling. Now I have all these cookies, and I don't want them anymore. That's so stupid to bother me, but it does. I need to go throw out thoes damn cookies.
Nautilus
07-20-2007, 05:44 PM
so sad to hear this... nature or not - it's not easy :hug:
you are certainly no failure. women's bodies are amazing and you can trust your body to know what to do.
take heart, my best friend m/c at 6 weeks, then got pregnant again 12 weeks later. she is about to go into labour any time - perfect pregnancy the whole way.
take extra special care of yourself...
DylanAngel
07-20-2007, 05:46 PM
I refrained from posting earlier because I was really overcome. I thought about you all day.
My heart goes out to you. Doesn't matter when you've lost a child; the fact remains that you've lost your baby...someone you planned for, hoped for and dreamed for.
May your heart heal soon and may you find some peace in dealing with this.
Kaiyla
07-20-2007, 06:59 PM
This thread makes my heart hurt for you. I can't imagine what you are going through. Please try to continue seeking comfort in the fact that your doc was right -this one wasn't meant to be. Your body isn't "fucked up," though. Your body is smart. It knew what to do, it didn't betray you, it helped you in the whole spectrum of things. I know looking at those ginger cookies, it doesn't feel like it, but time does heal all wounds.
You are in my thoughts, Kaylinn:grouphug:
Lola Rose
07-20-2007, 07:23 PM
the cookie thing is what it's about though.... it suymbolizes the whole thing....
here's something I wrote. I went through, and am continuing to go through, the same pain you're in....
My yellow onesie, your ginger cookies..... same stupid thing, but looking at it means it'll never be the same.
The Story of a Yellow Onesie"
I bought you a present. It was
A yellow onesie
And it said "If you think I'm cute…,
You should see My Mommy"
I don't know what made me buy it.
It's not my color.
It would be too big for a while
But I did.
I bought it because I was expecting.
I expected you
But you were lost
In transit.
Now I have a yellow onesie.
It was yours.
Now it's empty, just like me.
It is my yellow onesie.
Cyndi08
07-20-2007, 07:29 PM
Aww, I'm so sorry. I understand, I have been there.
Your baby needs a good healthy start, and something was wrong. Nature isn't perfect and sometimes needs a "redo". You will see. It will get easier and you will have a second chance... and a third and more if you want it.
TigersMilk
07-20-2007, 08:38 PM
Throw out the cookies if it makes you feel better. This is just lifes path for you. Sometimes at first we don't understand where we are going and why we are being lead down this unknown path. All I can say is I'm so sorry and that you're still in my thoughts hoping you feel better soon.
ExoticEngineer
07-20-2007, 09:53 PM
Kaylin, your story makes me ache, deep inside. A pain I had put away a long long time ago. Your doc was right, and know that in your mind and heart, there was nothing you could have done. It was the way it was supposed to be.
So sorry you went through this K, :hug:
jaizaine
07-21-2007, 12:09 AM
Oh sweetie I just saw this thread now. It made tears well up in my eyes. Please do not blame yourself or think it is something wrong with u. Unfortunately it's natures way when something wasn't right just like your doctor said.
I wish there was something i could say to make u feel better but i know u must be hurting terribly right now.
If u need to talk PM me or i can go into chat if im online. I think u r a wonderful person and u will be a fantastic mother in the future. Now u can focus on school and just pamper yourself and do things that make u feel good. I hope your man is taking extra special care of u right now.
Big hugs for u sweetie!
RoseWhite
07-21-2007, 08:47 AM
LOLA! Empty your PM box! ;)
Well, I'll just post it here.
Dear Lola,
I just wanted to say that I really liked your poem. A lot. Thank you for sharing that, it's touching and it's very good.
- Rose
So, Lola's onesie, and Kailynn's ginger cookies. Two very potent symbols.
Lola Rose
07-21-2007, 09:29 AM
I'll empty it.... I'm notoriously bad about it...
and thank you...
for the record, I still keep that horendously tacky yellow onesie in the drawer of my nightstand.... even though it'll be too big, it'll be the first outfit my baby will wear someday....
Kaylinn
07-21-2007, 09:51 AM
That poem was touching.
I had resisted the impulse urge to buy something small when I first found out I was pregnant, because I worried somethign woudl happen. Cally asked me when I was putting up a ticker and I told her not till aftr the ultrasound. I was being cautious. Unfortunatly, I never made it for that ultrasound. It's scheduled for this Tuesday. When I could see the heartbeat.
Lola, it will be so nice when you have your baby and put that onesie on for the first time, it will symbolize a how things have come full circle...Now I wish I had somethign like that. I'm so scared right now of forgetting. I wrote the whole story down, just so I never forget. My boyfriend doesn't want to tell his parents what happened, and that kind of hurts me, I feel like this deserves to be acnowledged.
So much for lucky numbers. I got the digital to say "pregnant" on 7/7/07. I actually bought into the superstition and thought maybe since I found out on that day...it was a lucky number. Ha! I know better than to believe silly superstitions.
Well, I just got back from the lab, for more blood draws, to make sure the hormone levels have gone down, so we know it's a complete miscarriage, and no d&c is needed, but I'm confidant that it all came out naturally. I don;t think any more treatment will be nessessary. Which is good, cause my veins can't take any more blood draws and Iv's! The guy at the lab said which arm, left or right? I said, well, which arm is less beat up? I have bruises and a rash on both arms.(allergic to the tape)
Blah. What a rollercoaster of a month. Can't wait for August. School starts in August to :)
mollyzmoon
07-21-2007, 04:23 PM
Take it one day at a time. Things will get better. I get so sad sometimes that I can't have babies. I can't imagine how crushing a miscarriage would be. Again, I just feel so sad for your situation. If your arms are beat up, they can take the blood from elsewhere. Don't get bullied by lab techs. It's lame advice, but it's all I got. Take care Kaylinn!~
Sunshine73
07-22-2007, 12:10 AM
I'm so sorry.
Sunshine73
07-22-2007, 12:10 AM
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Vivacious
07-22-2007, 10:07 AM
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
Your body is smart. It knew what to do, it didn't betray you, it helped you in the whole spectrum of things.
If you can find any peace in that, your body is perfect, and it is looking out for you. I am so sorry for the pain you're going through today. Viv
RoseLeigh
07-22-2007, 01:18 PM
I haven't known what to post, but *hugs* I bet your bf doesn't want to get his parents all worked up at the moment. He may need to deal with it himself before dealing with a lot of questions and advice.
Take care of yourself.
BalletBaby
07-22-2007, 05:50 PM
Just saw this thread. I am so sorry for your loss Kaylinn. You'll be in my prayers:hug:
leilanicandy
07-22-2007, 06:25 PM
I am so sorry your lost. Men sometimes do not feel your lost the same way you do! It dose not mean that he dose not grieve as much as you do!
Lola Rose
07-22-2007, 06:55 PM
i agree that he's feeling it differently ^^
in our case, hunter seemed to care more about my pain then the baby, but in reality, he was just hiding it.... he expressed his pain not by crying, buy through writing about it and through avoidance of any reminders, aka me....
but the peiont it, he needs to grieve his own way. maybe he feels his parents would say "good, it was bad timing anyways" or something. that seems a prettty real fear.....
and he knows that would hurt you and probably him too.
stick together now more then ever. you need eachother.
kikiwiki
07-25-2007, 11:38 PM
Oh my GOD! I didn't read all this till now. I'm so sorry I didn't know what you were going through. I'm sorry for what you are going through. My prayers for you to feel better. You will get through this just fine. XOXO
phillyvixen
07-26-2007, 09:08 AM
I really don't know what to say other then my heart goes out to you and your BF. I wish you all the happyness in the world. Most of all i'd like to say allow your self to grieve, be angry, be sad, whatever but allow yourself to go through it. This too shall pass. Good luck in school in August!
sunnie86
07-27-2007, 05:57 AM
Kaylinn, i know exactly what you are going through the same thing happend to me not even two weeks ago. i got up one night and went pee and was spotting so i went to the ER and they did an ultrasound but found nothing but to me not to worry cause my hormone levels were so high. unfortunitly i ended up miscarrying and it went on for about a month and was the most painful experiance both mentally and physically. i don't know how far along you are but i was to be 3 months when it happened. i had a blighted ovum meaning the baby was deformed geneticly and never developed correctly. i hope that everything is ok and you get through this fine. i know i don't know you but if you have any question or just wanna talk PM me. i'm here for you.
Kaylinn
08-10-2007, 12:30 AM
Still sad.....
I should be a little over 8 weeks pregnant now.....
But I'm not.
I felt so incredibly happy and just peacful when I was pregnant. I hadn't felt like that in so long. Everything just felt so right......
I was fighting depression last year, and I got over it to an extent......and now it's come back in full force. I never leave the house. I've become a disgusting couch potato. I wash my hair maybe once every 3 days....the shampoo runnign down my body is as clean as it gets. I bathed today and washed my body properly for the first time in a week. I realized I hadn't brushed my teeth in 3 days. I don't knwo when I put on makeup the last time. Even the few times my boyfriend has gotten me out of he house to go out...I won't put on makeup. It's enough of a task to brush my hair into a ponytail and put on decent clothes. I just can't be bothered with anythign more than that. I do nothign but sit in front of the computer or sleep. I have absolutly no motivation to even do the smallest task.
I'm also eating like crazy.....It might be the brith control they put me on, or just my own gluttony, but I pig out constantly. I'm eating things I gave up a long time ago. I just don't care. But at the same itme...I see weight creepign up on me....and it bothers the hell out of me. But not enough to go take a walk. Not enough to stop eating.
My boyfriend doesn't undersand....I told him once I still felt sad, and he couldn't understand why, so I haven't mentioned it again.
I sound like such a baby.....but I want my mom. She is a horrible terrible piece of trash, but I want to talk to her and I want to sit in her lap and be held. Noone can comfort you liek your mom can. But my mom is in jail. I haven't heard from her in months and I don't know how to get ahold of her.
I have the stupid pregnancy test, I took a picture of it...and I keep lookign at the picture trying to convince myself it wasn't positive and it was all just this nightmare or just a normal period or something....
On the other hand....I have bought more pregnancy tests, just to make sure the doctor's weren't wrong..maybe I am still pregnant.....
Willing the tests to be positive. Holding them up to the light, tryign to make lines appear that just do not exist......
Even picutres of myself when I was pregnant, I looked different. Not liek I had a belly or anything...just...different...you can see the happiness on my face....and my boobs were a lot fuller.
I HATE all thos pictures....but I don't want to delete them. Why do I look at them? Just to cause myself pain?
All these pregnancy tickers on here.....I should have one to. It's not fair that I don't have one. One ticker is onyl 2 weeks ahead of where mine should be. It's not fair.
The doctor's office sent me a bill because I was a no show for my ulrtasound appointment.....I never canceled it.
How can something I didn't even know I wanted hurt so bad when I lost it?
It was an unplanned pregnancy. I didn't want to get pregnant. I was prefectly happy with my life the way it was. So now that I'm not pregnant anymore, why can't life just go back to the way it was before?
ican't wait until school starts. Then I'll have a reason to leave, a motivation to do something.....
I've tried to work. I can't. I go in and just sit in the dressing room, or walk circles around the floor without ever stopping to talk to people. I've lost hundreds of dollars in house fees by going into work and then doing absoltuly nothing. I don't want the attention from guys. I don't want to have a fake conversation with fake interest and I don't want to dance for them and pretend I liek it. So I don't talk to them cause I don't want to dance.
blah. Now I know the true meaning of feeling like shit.
cheetahchick
08-10-2007, 12:41 AM
awww...maybe start trying to get pregnant again and ull feel better. going to the gym might help bring ur spirits up..what about a part time job (not dancing) still school starts...i heard the palms is searching for bunnies again. =)
ull be ok. im thinking of ya. just try to stay strong.the birth control could definitely be causing your hormones to act up. and also maybe ur body is still trying to adjust emotionally to not being pregnant anymore. i know there is something called post partum depression...can u get health insurance once u are a student and talk to someone about this. feel better!
Callyish
08-10-2007, 01:25 AM
Oh sweety I just wish I could wrap my arms around you and make the pain go away. I know what your going through... its not easy at all. There will always be a small part of you that will hurt and feel the emptyness. I can promise you though that by getting yourself up and doing things it will help you ease some of the pain. I know its hard to do... it took me a long time to get myself off the couch and moving forward but it really made me feel better. I still think about my babies and how they should be 3 years old now and living a happy full life but I also realize that it happened for a reason and it just was not meant to be at that time. I still hold a place in my heart for them but I know that I have to keep moving forward. You know how to get ahold of me sweety if you ever need to talk. We're all here for you *big hugs*
dangerousdiva
08-10-2007, 07:22 PM
I'm so sorry Kaylinn, I didn't see this thread till now. Keep your chin up and hopefully in time you'll feel better. You're in my thoughts :hug:
AlexxaHex
08-20-2007, 11:16 PM
Kaylinn...I just want to say that I hope you're feeling better these days. You're an awesome chick and you deserve to be happy.
Please keep in touch with your feelings about this whole thing. Your grieving may take a long time, it may not ever officially "end", but it's important that you go on living and functioning and striving to be healthy. You just may get lucky again someday and end up meeting that child you were loving. That love won't go away, nor should it, but you need to care for yourself too. That is so important.
I feel weird talking to you these days - sort of guilty in a way - because of our circumstances turning out differently... but I am here for you.
Please take care.
xoxo
shasta
08-20-2007, 11:30 PM
Kaylinn,
I know you don't know me at all but I am sorry for your loss.
Peace, jamie
Kaylinn
08-20-2007, 11:33 PM
Kaylinn...I just want to say that I hope you're feeling better these days. You're an awesome chick and you deserve to be happy.
Please keep in touch with your feelings about this whole thing. Your grieving may take a long time, it may not ever officially "end", but it's important that you go on living and functioning and striving to be healthy. You just may get lucky again someday and end up meeting that child you were loving. That love won't go away, nor should it, but you need to care for yourself too. That is so important.
I feel weird talking to you these days - sort of guilty in a way - because of our circumstances turning out differently... but I am here for you.
Please take care.
xoxo
Oh gosh, Alexxa, Don't feel guilty talking to me!
i am incredibly happy for you.
polekatt66
08-24-2007, 11:22 PM
I HATE all thos pictures....but I don't want to delete them. Why do I look at them? Just to cause myself pain?........
Kaylinn:
We havent met but I want to give you a hug, and shed a tear along-side you.
Sometimes when you lose a pregnancy very early, you want to hang on to something.You can look at the photograghs and say," I was (# of) weeks pregnant when they took this picture." Something to remind you that your baby was here, even if it was only for a few weeks.
Things cant go "back to the way they were" .. It hurts, its not fair, it sucks and its so lonesome, but I promise it gets a lttle easier after some time. Keep in close touch with those you love, write,pray, do whatever you need to do to comfort yourself. Scream into a pillow, listen to sad songs/watch sad movies..cry,.whatever helps,just be very good to yourself. Im so sorry :-(
alexisk
08-25-2007, 12:55 AM
I just found this thread... my partner and I went through very similar 7 weeks ago.
I have just started counselling as I really wasn't coping...
Sending you positive thoughts and vibes!!
xxxxxxx
Lola Rose
08-26-2007, 08:45 AM
I completely understand.... it was really hard for me to see glam and alexxas tickers, b/c our babies would likely have been born within weeks of eachother.....
[plan something for the due date you were given. if they didn't tell you one, look it up, google due date calculator.... that helped me....
and things can't ever really be the same.... it's too huge.... and when you do feel like "back to normal" for a bit, you'll resent it, feel guilty.....
it is awful. and I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it caN get it....
you still have my number. call me if you need ANYTHING!
hannah83
08-26-2007, 11:03 AM
hunni...i just saw this thread. I'm so sorry i didn't see it before. :hug: I know what you are going through. The feeling of loss and inadequacy. It's been almost 4 years since I was pregnant and I still think about it. I wonder what it might have been, who it would have looked like more. I still feel intense grief from time to time, i used to hate those days.
When I was so sad that I couldn't do anything, but now I just view it as my way of reminding myself of my baby. I know i'll never ever forget it.
I know it wasn't the right time for me, but that doesn't make it any easier...
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You're a beautiful woman, inside and out and I have no doubt in my mind that when the time comes..you're going to be an amazing mother.
Keep your head up sweetie...if you need to talk, you know we are all here for you.
Kaylinn
08-26-2007, 11:42 AM
Thanks guys. It's gotten better lately. I start school tomorrow, and I am just so excited for that.
My biggest problem has been questioning WHY. I researched everythign I could find on miscarriage, and question everythign I had done....
I had a bacterial infection, which can cause miscarriage, did that do it?
Was it that I kept smoking, and was unable to quit?
Was it just a chromosome abnormality, somehtign that could not be controlled?
Was there a fault in my boyfriends sperm?
What?
I know quesioning it won't help. It could be anything. COuld be my fault, could not be. Won't help to question somethign I cannot get answers to, yet I still do it....
My due date was March 17th. St. Patty's day. A week after my own birthday.
I keep checking the development and how far I would be if i were still pregnant. I'd be 11 weeks now.
ANyway.....It's gotten better, focusing on school. Talked to my boyfriend some more, tried explaining to him why it hurt so much...he's been more understanding...I'm lucky. He really is a great person.
I can't tell you guys how much I have appriciate all the support. I will be forever greatful to all of you.