View Full Version : Strongly dislike breastfeeding
betterthaneden
08-10-2007, 07:40 AM
ok, you do whats right for you and the baby. if that means not breastfeeding, thats perfectly OK!
when i had my daughter (2 yrs ago) she wouldnt latch on. i got so worked up about it, went to a breastfeeding class (imagine a bunch of women sitting around a room with 1 boob hanging out and babies trying to latch onto it) -ok now that i said that it kinda reminds me of strip clubs,...but anyway. i ended up pumping my milk and feeding it to her in a bottle. i went back to work after 9 wks. i brought the pump to work and went to the dressing room every 3 hours to pump. my boobs would be full and big 1 minute and half an hr later, id come out and theyd be empty and smaller. customers did notice.
i hated this in and out of the club, and stopped pumping after 3 months. i will def never breastfeed or pump again.
DONT feel guilty! it's great that you want to be a good mom and want your baby to have breast milk, but it's more important that you are a sane happy mom for your baby, and not in pain, sick or driving yourself crazy.
do whats right for you.
and congratulations on having the baby!!
Gretchen
08-10-2007, 01:06 PM
So I was hesitant to post in here because I have no experience with babies but I would think its good to trust your new motherly instincts and do what you think is best for the baby and you.
Btw, Alexxa your avatar is the effing cutest thing I've ever seen!
Ok, I had my daughter 3 weeks ago :)!!!! She had a hard time latching on at first and it was VERY frusterating. At the advice of my pediatrician on her 2 day old visit, I began to nurse and supplement with formula. In hindsight I wish I would have been more adament about not wanting her to have a bottle so soon but at the time I felt like a nervous new mom just trying to follow dr's orders. So since then I have been nursing and giving her bottles of expressed milk and formula. Lucky for me, she is pretty good at doing both and hasn't totally refused my breast or the bottle completely. BUT, I feel kind of guilty because to me, breast feeding isn't this totally bonding magical thing. It doesn't really hurt but I don't really like it. I thought I would totatlly be all smitten when my baby looks up at me while nursing and that part IS nice as well as knowing I can give her something no one else can.... but I guess I had preconcieved notions and I feel like a jerk for not loving to nurse my baby, especially seeing as though I'm not in any kind of real pain. Otherwise we are bonding quite well, she is such a little joy, but at first it was 80% breastmilk 20% formula, now its going to 70/30. I know any beastmilk is better than none but I planned on nursing for at LEAST 3 -4 months and I don't see how I can make it. I'm thinking about pumping exclusively so that way she gets my milk even if it is through a bottle. Pumping sucks ass though, I would have to get a better pump, right now I use the Avent Isis electric and I feel like a slave to it. Maybe a double would be better if I'm gonna be pumping so much. I dunno, I want to do right by my baby, but it feels good to be honest about what I'm feeling.
DylanAngel
10-19-2007, 09:13 AM
It's not a sin to not breastfeed your baby. I consider myself a great mom and I never breastfed for quite a few reasons.
Yes, it's a bonding experience, but it's not the only one.
Hatshepsut
10-19-2007, 10:27 AM
Don't ever listen to the judgmental boob nazis (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1198345#post1198345) whose value system of parenthood is solely based on whether or not you breastfeed. Most of them are nothing but bored, unfulfilled housewives who can't fathom that women have to work. They use their decision to breastfeed as a means as a high horse. Don't get me wrong, I support La Leche League, but I hate the bad apples who make postpartum moms feel bad.
What matters is that the kid grows up healthy and happy.
AlexxaHex
10-19-2007, 06:01 PM
Hi Pure,
You might want to read article. If you want to get her off the bottle/formula, this would be the way to do it. I suggest putting her to the breast as often as possible to get your milk supply back up, and also to. They can help you with positioning and latching and anything else you might need help with! I think they come to your house for free and everything. There is also a message board on that site (the breast feeding equivalent of SW I guess! - lol) if you want to ask questions and do some research.
I really feel guilty a lot of the time about not giving Kembra as much breast milk as she could be having. My supply is REALLY low even though I am pumping 4 to 5 times a day. I'm lucky if I get a whole ounce in a day now. I just don't have time to build it back up because I work and have a lot of other obligations to deal with. I keep going, even though my supply is dropping because I think that she should have some at least for the immunities. SOME is better than none. I really would advise you to keep at it if you don't HAVE to stop. Set goals for yourself. If you don't hate it, keep going. It will probably get better. There are a lot of positive benefits to it.
p.s. - CONGRATULATIONS! ;D
Kaylinn
10-19-2007, 06:40 PM
Ok, I had my daughter 3 weeks ago :)!!!! She had a hard time latching on at first and it was VERY frusterating. At the advice of my pediatrician on her 2 day old visit, I began to nurse and supplement with formula. In hindsight I wish I would have been more adament about not wanting her to have a bottle so soon but at the time I felt like a nervous new mom just trying to follow dr's orders. So since then I have been nursing and giving her bottles of expressed milk and formula. Lucky for me, she is pretty good at doing both and hasn't totally refused my breast or the bottle completely. BUT, I feel kind of guilty because to me, breast feeding isn't this totally bonding magical thing. It doesn't really hurt but I don't really like it. I thought I would totatlly be all smitten when my baby looks up at me while nursing and that part IS nice as well as knowing I can give her something no one else can.... but I guess I had preconcieved notions and I feel like a jerk for not loving to nurse my baby, especially seeing as though I'm not in any kind of real pain. Otherwise we are bonding quite well, she is such a little joy, but at first it was 80% breastmilk 20% formula, now its going to 70/30. I know any beastmilk is better than none but I planned on nursing for at LEAST 3 -4 months and I don't see how I can make it. I'm thinking about pumping exclusively so that way she gets my milk even if it is through a bottle. Pumping sucks ass though, I would have to get a better pump, right now I use the Avent Isis electric and I feel like a slave to it. Maybe a double would be better if I'm gonna be pumping so much. I dunno, I want to do right by my baby, but it feels good to be honest about what I'm feeling.
I just wanted to say Congratulations!!
I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering if she was born yet.
Lola Rose
10-19-2007, 08:16 PM
you're not a bad mother to have a hard time with this and to not love it.
you're an amazing mother to try to give her the most nutritious thing you can.
i agree with alexxa's advice :) just posting to show my support.
AlexxaHex
10-19-2007, 08:35 PM
I just wanted to add also that not breastfeeding her isn't the worst thing you can do but I am so jealous of the stay at home moms who CAN do it. The reason I was posting all that encouraging advice is because I wish I had planned better to be able to keep her at the breast longer (like trying to have a different career before getting pregnant which is silly, I know).
It's hard not to feel guilty over things that are currently out of my control (like needing to work) but it's still hard for me because I don't understand why I simply hate the feeling of it. I have to remind myself that I'm not a bad mother for having these feelings. And you aren't either. It does suck but I wish I could do it more. Does that make sense? :P
Hatshepsut
10-19-2007, 09:03 PM
^The benefits of breastfeeding would be kind of moot if you didn't have a roof over your head or have food to fuel your body. You're doing a great job and you're doing the best possible thing in your given situation.
I REALLY appreciate the support:) Alexxa, I will NOT be contacting any La Leche League person... I called one within the first days and she had me in tears. I might have just gotten a bad apple but I was completely turned off by the whole thing. Well today I'm trying a new pump so hopefully I'll be a bit more sucsessful. BTW, thanks Kaylinn, I'm loving the new hair:0
Glamazon
10-20-2007, 12:24 PM
Don't forget that however you do it, the most important thing is that your baby is fed and healthy!
Congrats on your girl!!
velvet
10-21-2007, 02:36 AM
yea i breastfed for 13 months. i had a great outcome.wouldnt exchange my experience for anything
however,it is not for everyone. you have to go with what works for you and your baby. dont let anyone decide for you. there are no right or wrong answers. all that matters is that you and your baby are happy!
AlexxaHex
10-21-2007, 03:15 AM
I'm so sorry you had a bad experience with LLL, Pure. Maybe you could go to one of the meetings in your area instead?? It may not be for everybody. I haven't called any of them either - I just feel like they wouldn't understand my situation well enough to help or something. That and I don't know what they would really do that I haven't done already.
I have a Medela Pump In Style which seems to work pretty well. Whatever pump you use, make sure it's "hospital grade". Also, pumping both breasts at the same time seems to be more effective than doing just one side. And drink lots of water!
Best of luck.
AlexxaHex
11-15-2007, 09:19 PM
Well I never thought I'd say this after having so many problems with breastfeeding, but I'm going to give it another chance.
I have done quite a bit more research about it and found out I probably won't have the overactive letdown if I start all over again!! I've felt incredibly guilty about weaning her to a bottle. I know I am doing a lot already with work and everything but I just can't let it go. I want her to have breast milk and I can't hire a wet nurse 24-7 so I'm looking into what is called "relactation".
Right now I am getting a little less than a half ounce PER DAY. I pump 3 - 4 times, but I am doing something right now called "power pumping" which should get my supply back up, if not a little slowly. Kembra won't latch anymore, so I bought a nipple shield and managed to trick her into latching onto it for about 5 seconds or so. I hang out topless so that she might become interested in the boob and nurse when she feels ready. I'm looking into an SNS (supplmentary nursing system) which is a little bottle you wear around your neck and it has tubes that you tape to the areola and the tube goes into the baby's mouth while she is nursing. So she will wean off of the formula and eventually stimulate the breast so much that I will have a full milk supply.
I work at a club now where I can pump in privacy in the bathroom (woo! we have actual stalls unlike my previous ghetto-ass club where female custies would have walked in on me) so I'm gonna do this twice per shift starting tomorrow.
Well that's the plan at least. Relactation is a long, arduous and time consuming process. It requires a lot of patience and determination. I was sold back to the breast milk when Jess and I got HORRIBLY sick not too long ago with fevers and coughing, the works and Kembra didn't get sick AT ALL. She had an immunity to my germs because of the little amount of breast milk I was pumping for her every day. I know it's good stuff - the best - and I think she deserves that. This is her first year on the planet - I want it to be the best one possible. You can't go back, so I don't want to have any regrets.
Please wish me luck! I'm going to need it!
Glamazon
11-15-2007, 09:24 PM
This is wonderful news!! Good luck with the relactation!!
Good luck and good for you for giving it another shot!
AlexxaHex
11-15-2007, 09:52 PM
Thanks girls!!
Yekhefah
11-15-2007, 10:00 PM
Good luck! You are a tougher mama than I could ever be. Kembra is lucky to have you.
AlexxaHex
11-15-2007, 10:04 PM
:D *warm fuzzies!!* That's a really nice sentiment, Yek. Thanks.
teeth_of_the_hydra
11-15-2007, 10:17 PM
You are maybe the sweetest mom in the world. In the future, when Kembra meets all her SW aunties, we'll regail her with weird embarassing stories about how much her mom loved her and did all sorts of uncomfortable and time-consuming things to her boobs to make sure Kembra got breast milk nutrients. For optimal embarassing results, I'd like to see this conversation take place when Miss Kembra Hexx is about 14-16 years old, maybe when she brings a boyfriend over. By that time, about 2023, teleportation should be in full swing, so I can zap over to your place and start reminiscing about how I knew all about her problems nipple-latching, but how ultimately, with her mom's love and dedication, she triumphed as a suckler. She'll be thrilled.
Ah, that girl has so much to look forward to. ;)
AlexxaHex
11-15-2007, 10:44 PM
I love you, TOTH. This made me smile - like, hardcore.
Good luck!!! It's great that your giving it another chance, props to you for doing anything in your power to make sure your baby has the best and healthiest first year of life. You are so right, you can't go back.
I had that problem (overactive let down) with both my kids. Between that and having my nipples crack and bleed made me quit at about six weeks both times. I started bottle feeding and loved it. Feeding time is supposed to be about bonding too, right? How are you suppose to bond and ENJOY feeding your child if you're in agonizing pain? Bottle feeding was the best option for me and I don't feel the least bit bad about it. Breast feeding isn't for everybody. I feel good knowing that I gave it a shot even if it didn't work out, and the kids got all the good stuff that's in the milk for the first six weeks. As with any other parenting decision, if it doesn't feel right don't do it. You know what's best for you and your baby.
I am going to try again with this one though. Third times the charm, right?
Ava Jadore
11-16-2007, 06:58 PM
I just have to say that I really admire all you of you who are mothers. I think being a good mother is the most important thing in the world. I am scared to death to have children but I hope one day I will feel ready to have a baby. Good luck with the breast feeding.
Lysondra
11-16-2007, 07:05 PM
Oh you KNOW it's just because your baby is a hamster. :P
AlexxaHex
11-16-2007, 10:34 PM
She is! My little Peanut Skeletor Hamster.
RoseWhite
11-17-2007, 10:41 AM
I am in awe of you! That is awesome that you'd give this another go! I fully supported your decision before, but if you're willing to give this another try, well, it's just amazing. I know how hard it was before!
I'd definitely look into the SNS option - ADOPTIVE mothers who weren't even pregnant have managed to establish a full supply by doing this! My own mom (I'm adopted) tried to get me to nurse, but it was just too hard without any real support - just when she finally started to produce some colostrum, *I* gave up on the whole frustrating process and refused to take the breast. I wonder if she'd have succeeded with SNS?
Just two things. First: I'm sure you've read up on nipple confusion, and you already mentioned that BabyBat had lost the latch-on technique, so that may be a very understandable reason it might not work out. She may be able to pick it back up, and I hope she does, but she might not, either, and that's NEITHER of your faults. I'm not saying that to be pessimistic at all - I want to encourage you in this so much, but I just thought it was worth mentioning.
Second and more important: If, IF this doesn't work out this time, you are hereby commanded NOT to beat yourself up about it. OK? Being willing to give it another go is more than most mothers - and very good mothers too - would do. I mean, you already went way above and beyond by continuing to pump when other mothers who had switched to the bottle would have also automatically switched to all-formula (and I'm not saying that makes them bad mothers either, it's purely circumstantial). remember that.
All that said, I really hope this works out for you both!!! Please keep us posted! Hugs!
AlexxaHex
11-17-2007, 11:37 AM
Thank you so much, Rose. I'm going to try to not beat myself up about this if it doesn't work. I guess a lot of mothers go through a grieving process when they give up nursing, especially if they were really hoping for it throughout their pregnancies. I set forth wanting to do things completely natural and baby-led (even with bottles we still do Demand Feeding) so when we had difficulties with this, I felt a huge loss. I'd find it hard not to cry when talking to people about it. I'm also trying to accept that it might *not* work because I don't really see her for 3 whole days straight because I work day shift and usually don't get home until her bed time because of traffic. I am pumping at work but I wonder if having her learn to nurse again might be hindered if I am not able to offer the breast full time. She is still going to have to have bottles a lot of the time.
I will consider this a success if I try my hardest and at least get my supply up to a few more ounces per day, and if she doesn't get a cold for her holiday trip to New York. I've already increased it just a little bit with the power pumping. As long as I am doing all that I can, I suppose I can't feel guilty.
I think some combination of the nipple shield and SNS will help. That's amazing that your mom did all that work for you! Not many would have even tried. Thanks for the support, and I will keep everyone posted.
High_Heel_Lover
11-17-2007, 02:10 PM
TO boost your supply babe eat lots of Oats, also Mother's milk tea is fantastic babe.
What is a galactagogue? Do I need one?
...Herbal remedies for increasing milk supply
By Kelly Bonyata, IBCLC
A substance that increases milk supply is called a galactagogue. Some of the most commonly used herbal galactagogues are fenugreek, blessed thistle, and alfalfa. There are also several prescription medications that can increase milk supply.
Before you decide on an herbal supplement, consider your reasons for doing so.
Do you think that your milk supply is low? Why? Many moms think that they have a low milk supply even though their supply is just fine. Take a look at this information page on Increasing Low Milk Supply for more information on whether your supply is really low, and ways to increase your milk supply without herbs or medications. If you feel that your milk supply is truly low, then it will be very helpful to get in touch with a La Leche League Leader and/or a board certified lactation consultant for one-on-one help for your particular situation.
The average mother does not need galactagogues to increase or maintain supply.
Following are examples of situations when galactagogue use may be useful:
* Some working mothers use herbs to increase their pumping output, even though their supply is fine when baby nurses.
* Some mothers with a genuinely low milk supply use galactagogues in combination with increased nursing/pumping to increase supply.
* Adoptive moms may use galactagogues to increase the amount of milk they are able to provide for their babies.
The usual, non-herbal, non-medication methods for increasing milk supply are sufficient for most mothers. If these methods have not proven sufficient and you feel that a galactagogue is needed, remember that any galactagogue will be most effective in increasing milk supply when combined with an increased nursing frequency.
AlexxaHex
11-17-2007, 11:59 PM
I'm using fenugreek and eat lots of oatmeal! Thanks HHL!