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tinydancer85
08-25-2007, 03:48 PM
I have two stories that qualify as the shittiest hook ups of all time...

#1. I was 18 and horny (this is my only excuse for doing this) anyways my ex-boyfriends best friend calls me to get my best friends number (because she gave him a bj once and he wanted another one) I was horny so I told him fuck getting my friends number you have mine lets hangout...he picks me up we go back to his parents house start watching a movie (not really) things get hot and heavy we move to the basement because we were in the den and he didn't want his mom or dad to walk in on us...anyways he doesn't even go down on me or even try to turn me on instead he shoves his dick in me dry (OW!) his dick keeps going limp and falling out (later I find out it a side effect of the anti-depressants hes taking) finally he turns the lights on and realizes that the condoms ripped (DUH ASSHOLE because there wasn't any lubrication the friction ripped it) Then he starts flipping out, like total crazy guy mode asking me how many sexual partners have I had, do I think that I could have HIV?!!!?? Then hes like we have to take you to a clinic because if I got you pregant you have to take the morning after pill...blah, blah, blah

ANYWAYS he finally drops me off at home then proceeds to call me everyday numerous times a day freaking out about the ripped condom (which btw I did get tested and I was fine) He'd always call me from time to time then the phone calls stopped turns out he commited suicide...I always did have a way of picking them :(


#2. My best friend, this girl Tashauna, and this other chick Tamara all go out to this frat halloween party all night long Tashauna and my BF are trying to get Tamara and I to hook up (btw my BF and Tashauna are both lesbians) Tamara however kept saying she was straight (no biggie) So after a couple drinks I guess Tamara isn't all that straight anymore because we get back to Tashaunas house and shes got her hands down my pants...only problem is she is sooooooooo rough its not even funny (I literally questioned if this girl had a vaj because she kept slapping mine in a weird porno way and like ramming her fingers inside of me) anyways this ensues for a while and I finally get her to take off her pants and I start going down on her when all of a sudden Tashaunas roommate walks in on us...uhm yeah that kinda killed the mood...needless to say the sex was so bad I questioned if I even liked girls after that! yuck! :(

evey
08-25-2007, 10:04 PM
mine is really not that funny but i feel the need to contribute

i was 17 and it was the very first time ild tied rum god i love rum but you know that saying with tequilla 1 shot 2 shot 3 shot floor?
well with me and rum its 1 shot 2 shot 3 shot bed
so this guy ild been hoking up with takes me to the bedroom and i lay down and start making out with him and pass the out for a minute
i wake up and were having sex & say what r we doing (he goes were having sex is that okay (he was really sweet about it at that point) i said yah thats fine your not raping me so i lay there for like 10 minutes and go is this what sex is like? ive only done it once and it last for a minute he just stares at me and goes yes
so i say well i can feel anything so go away
he pulls out slaps me and walks out screaming stupid whore
i stared at him for a secound
and then i passed out again
lol turns out he had a tiny dick a friend of mine had fucked him once
that was what was wrong but the room was dark & i was drunk so i couldnt tell
we laughed at him whenever he showed up to a party aftre that
he stopped coming around

Tart
08-26-2007, 12:03 AM
You know my "first" time qualifies for the worst would be one night stand.

I'll give the cliff notes.

I stalked a guy in a band. Later had his kids lol go figure.
Lied about my age. I was 16 told him I was 19!
said i had sex before. I hadn't
went into a stahl in a lil infamous punk bar.
Grabbed the toilet paper holder.. the rest is history.

PS I got pregnant

britt244
08-26-2007, 12:45 AM
my first time is so embarrassing. it was at senior week with the friend of a guy i used to have a crush on. i was really drunk and he didnt know i was a virgin, and the guy i used to have a crush on was hooking up with my friend in the same room as us. i was too drunk to know what was really going on except i kept telling him it hurt, and then when i realized what happened i freaked out on him and threw them both out. asshole took the condom off halfway through, he deserved to be kicked out!

Danielle_
09-08-2007, 05:15 PM
Not Really A One Night Stand, But My Little Story
I went to a bar w/ a group of friends & this totally hot guy I was intensely attracted to. We'd made out a little the weekend before & I had been talking to him on the phone for a week. We were originally gonna go on a date, but there were issues w/ some of our friends, so we did this instead. So from the minute we see each other it's apparent that we're gonna try to have sex w/ each other. I guess we were both nervous, because we got completely plastered. Then some guy nobody knew showed up w/ pot & most of us smoked it. It was the first time I'd ever done that. Then the night got a little hazier. I was really fucked up now & don't remember everything. So we keep flirting & dancing w/ each other. Then he keeps putting his hand down my very tight jeans & fingering me even though we're w/ a group of people. It felt great so I would just push him a little & say "stop" in a fake way. At one point I tried to find him to have sex w/ me in the bathroom but he was upstairs getting drinks. That's all I remember.

So the next day I'm surprised when he doesn't call me, but I'm not gonna be the one to call first, right. So my sister tells me the rest of what happened a couple of days later. He was also very drunk at the bar. So drunk he was puking all over the place & I kept trying to get him to come over to me cause I wanted to have sex. Then I'd yell at him & push him around a little. Then we all went back to her friend's house where I proceeded to puke in her yard. Then my sis & her friend take a car & go to McDonald's. When they get back this guy & I are gone. So her friend has an idea of where he took me & they follow us. Apparently he was taking me back behind a strip mall so we could have sex in his car. They stopped us before anything happened.

Later he sent me a message on myspace that said that night I told him I didn't want anything to do w/ him & shouldn't call or text me again.

P.S. Happy ending, we're friends now.

Circe
09-08-2007, 05:56 PM
Um, I was in highschool. My man-friend stayed the night and couldn't leave my room for the bathroom or my Dad who stayed up late would have seen him. He had to urinate into an extremely feminine teapot in my room.

I was petrified at the time but it is hiliarious in retrospect.

SummerRaen
09-08-2007, 10:39 PM
One night with an Isreali guy I met in Cusco. We were so drunk, SO DRUNK, but I was so horny. We were barely consious. I'm amazed we made it through. It's not horrific or anything, but it's just so embarrassing to flash back to us sorta writhing, hanging half-off the bed, with me eventually faking it just to get rid of him so I could go to sleep!

Then there was the Irish guy in La Paz. We met at his friend's birthday at the bar earlier that night, I was into him (um, IRISH!), but we separated with our groups of friends and I ended up at a bar across town. Half an hour ater arriving, BAM, we ran into each other again! By now he was pretty drunk, I was okay but again, horny (I was in hostel rooms of 8 people my whole trip, not a lot of "private time" if you know what I mean). So after about one minute he starts hinting that he wants to fool around. I have a private room in a hotel FINALLY so I say "I was thinking of going to bed. Want to join me?"
So we caught a cab back, and I was kinda wondering if he was sober enought o perform. We got back to the hotel and knocked, and the guy who owns it and sleeps there decides to inform me that we aren't allowed to have guests. In Spanish, I said my friend be gone in half an hour (subtle, eh?), and the hotel guy keeps insisting no. We tried to bribe him, beg, whatever, after like 15 minutes, no dice.

Finally we go to rent another room for him, it's cheap, whatever. But apparently we can't do that without his passport. Oh for fuck's sake.

SO my little Irish boy says "Let's go back to my hostel." It was 3 blocks away, but he was in a dorm with 7 other guys. I don't really mind a bit of exhibitionism, but come on; It's 3am and I doubt they want to wake up to me moaning!

We went to his place. Wandered to the public bathroom and locked the door. First we kissed a lot, and he said he wanted me to put his cock in my mouth. Now at this point I've never given a blowjob, I've only been with girls until this year, but his accent was just so damn hot so I did it. Failed miserably. After a while I think he sorta gave up so I bent over the sink, and he banged me.

Oh yeah, I had a HORRIBLE cold at the time. Like really bad. So when we were done I was all nasty and snotty (facing the other direction thank God), so I had to *ask him* for a tissue before I turned around.

And to top it all off, after I arrived back at my hotel, I found out I had started my period WHILE he was banging me.

My God, that poor guy. The whole thing was just SO bad!! I felt so bad!

PookaShell
09-08-2007, 10:54 PM
All I'm willing to admit too is that it was one of the most embarassing moments of my life, the fact that it was embarassing was entirely my fault, and it involved a bottle of pineapple flavored warming lube.

pookie
09-11-2007, 07:39 AM
omg, i think all of my one nighters sucked. The one that stands out the most was the of the guys at the ren faire. I was sleeping in the booth at night. And my boss told me not to have strangers there at night. she didnt wanna risk getting robbed or having shit broken. Anywho, i met this guy with long blonde hair and he seemed cute so i took him back to the both to play. my boss wasn't sleeping there that night so we used her bed. So we started to fuck it and this guy farted!:eek: not just once, but constantly. fortunately they didn't smell. He only lasted between 10-15 mins! So after that i passed out, woke up later, kicked him out. I never saw him again tho, fortunately. I have a hard time remembering his name, prolly his benefit. Then I told one of my friends about the night, then she accidentally blurted it out on when the boss was around. The boss wasn't upset, she just asked me not to have strangers in there again, lol.

stellaforstars
09-11-2007, 09:02 AM
It was my freshman year of college, and on Valentine's Day at that. I've officially learned my lesson about one night stands on V-Day...

Guy that lives in my apartment complex, whom I've hung out with a few times in the past invites me over to hang out with his roommates and himself. We end up in his room, making out, touching, etc. I was just getting out of a serious relationship, so I figured a one night stand was in order. He tries to get it inside me, but can't get it up...At this point, I'm annoyed.

Then, he starts fucking CRYING. I get freaked out and tell him it's okay, sex isn't a big deal to me (bullshit). He tells me he's embarassed, and that I'm the sweetest person in the world for understanding and that's he's fallen hopelessly in love with me. I've met him THREE TIMES before in my life. I say, in a shocked manner, "WHAT?!?!" And he gets shaky and angry and accuses me of laughing at him...which I may have been doing in my head, but not in person. He proceeds to break everything in his room screaming at me before collapsing in my lap crying like a baby and saying that he's sorry, he's bipolar, but he loves me more than anyone he's ever known in his life.

Luckily for me, he decided he wanted a shower. I got the fuck out of there the second his bathroom door closed.

ITgirl
09-11-2007, 11:38 AM
I met a broke intern for some stock trading company in New York. He was not that great in the face, but very nice body. Too young to be good in bed, but kept telling me how he looooooved to eat pussy. after a few drinks we go to my hotel (Essex House on Central Park South). it's crappy right from the start. His dick won't get hard, so I tell him to eat my pussy...and he droools all over it (yuck!), then rubs his face in his own drool. Finally I tell him He has to leave (we've only been there 15 mins or so) and practically shove him out the door while he is in the middle of a sentence and only half dressed.

I go out and pick up guy #2 (yes, it was a slutty night) who is quiet and shy but fucks me silly. As we are curled up sleeping hours later, guy#1 knocks on my door. WTF? He asks me if he left his Blackberry in my room, and can he come in and look? I say yes. He walks in, obviously thinking that he's getting a second chance at sex, only to see a sleepy dude sit up in the bed. Haha!!!

One night stand number 2:

I brought this guy to the Avalon in Beverly Hills and we enjoy some really promising foreplay... I go to put the condom on and he cums as I'm rolling it on. He smiles and looks embarrassed, and says "oops! Guess that's it."

I am completely enraged! So I grabbed his clothes and threw them over the balcony into the pool while he was cleaning up in the bathroom. As he walked out I just pushed him into the hallway and slammed the door. But as I was doing that a security guy was coming up the hallway to kick me out for creating a disturbance.

What a crappy day that was. At least I got to tell dozens of horrified staff all about Mr. Nakedass's ejaculatory issues!!
>:(

anomar
09-12-2007, 05:06 PM
ITGirl, you're my hero! :D Sounds like you really taught those guys some lessons. Especially with the hotel situation. I mean, can that guy only cum once a month or something? yeesh

rdwwet
09-13-2007, 02:19 AM
#1 : (18 yrs old) I meet a really hot guy at a pool hall and he is drunk and i smoked two joints earlier that night and were both super horny and he had soooo many attractive qualities so I truly didnt even mind him being drunk. He was a great kisser and gave very good head....

Then I start going down on him and I keep doing it because he goes soft once we put on the condom...So I take it back off anf keep on suckin...until he starts PISSING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BJ!!! EWWWWWWW!!! OMG it was so nasty and he couldnt stop!!! It was shooting harder then a fucking showerhead just pouring and we are at his place and I jump up as soon as it sprays my face but it just keep going all over his wall and sheets!!!! I freaked out and he was so embarrassed but WTF! After that he kept calling but I didnt want to see him again...

#2 : Another cute guy, I took him back to my place and we went at it in my living room on the floor...He starts moaning like a lil girl and fucking squealing!!! He had good sex but those noises turned me off so bad I couldnt even cum...

#3 : Me and my best friend meet these two guys one night and my guy gives me gonnerea!

#4 : I met an older guy at a bar and he takes me back to his place and after watching a movie and some 420 we want to have sex and we go into a room but the lights stay off and we have good sex in a small bed. After were done I turn on the lights to get my clothes and well we just fucked in his lil daughters room...GREAT!

Taylorlila
09-13-2007, 07:03 AM
#1 : (18 yrs old) I meet a really hot guy at a pool hall and he is drunk and i smoked two joints earlier that night and were both super horny and he had soooo many attractive qualities so I truly didnt even mind him being drunk. He was a great kisser and gave very good head....

Then I start going down on him and I keep doing it because he goes soft once we put on the condom...So I take it back off anf keep on suckin...until he starts PISSING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BJ!!! EWWWWWWW!!! OMG it was so nasty and he couldnt stop!!! It was shooting harder then a fucking showerhead just pouring and we are at his place and I jump up as soon as it sprays my face but it just keep going all over his wall and sheets!!!! I freaked out and he was so embarrassed but WTF! After that he kept calling but I didnt want to see him again...



Ick! I would have puked...

Ivy1979
09-13-2007, 08:27 AM
I just remembered.

I don't knoe if this guy counts as sex or not. You tell me.

I was tripped up on Ecstasy for the first time in my life and I was horny as hell. So I took this cute boy from the military into my room. I took off his pants and he had the LITTLEST dick. I'm talking..maybe a quarter inch? It looked like an outtie bellybutton!! I jerked him with two fingers before I tried to get him inside me but he only got past the outer labia! Not even the inner!!! Finally I said he could do me in the ass but he couldn't reach! :( All this while I was on E! I was so upset. I kicked him out and got off on the couch arm.

Was he on E as well? If so it was never going to get hard anyway

Brendita
09-14-2007, 02:42 AM
Ok, I was 18 and had just broken up with my first boyfriend. My friend decided to set me up with some guy who was a friend of a friend. So, four of us were hanging out in my apartment, when my friend decided she was horny and ran off with the other guy to his car.
So, my blind date and I kept drinking and eventually ended up naked and trying to have sex. The guy was so limp and small that absolutely nothing was going on. Then he started freaking crying. Apparently he had just got out of jail (I didn't even ask what he was in there for.)
Ugh, lying there naked with a limp, sobbing, pathetic ex-convict is so not sexy.

And this one wasn't actually a one night stand, since I am still with the guy 5 years later, but I just want to say that nothing is worse than having super awesome sex and then hearing him say, "uhhhh, where's the condom?"
Nothing kills the mood faster than digging a used condom out of your vagina.

pookie
09-14-2007, 02:51 AM
^^^haha, those suck but they are so funny.
Maybe the ex convict got ass raped in jail one to many times.

I only had that happen once with a rubber. its kinda scary if your not on any birth control.

Lysondra
09-14-2007, 03:26 AM
Was he on E as well? If so it was never going to get hard anyway

He was hard... and no, he had never done drugs.

sexy_celeste
09-14-2007, 04:43 AM
#1 Right after the turns-out-hes-gay boyf walks out on me a workmate refuses to let me go home alone. He "misses the last train" and has no money for a taxi. I wasnt paying for one. I told him he could stay, and can sleep on the couch.

Not happy, as he had motives (well durr!)

After HOURS of him begging me for sex I finally said "oh for gods sake FINE"
And laid there for the 20 seconds or so. Then it was morning and I kicked him out.
Pretty much turned off men forever by now.

Not sure if this one counts but:

#2 Still living alone getting over loser gay boyf. Get retrenched from my job (the same one as above) as they had gone bankrupt and kept us working for 4 weeks, without being able to pay. I was so pissed off I planned a fantastic party night at my place.
By the time BK arrives Im pretty high and drunk. But thats cool, as we are mates, he knows that Im not interested in trying guys anymore. So we go clubbing, Im looking for nice chicks to take home. Im falling around, he's holding me up, we end up making out.

End up back at my place. He puts me to bed and says good night, and goes to sleep on the couch. I grab him and 'rape' him :D

Cant actually remember the sex tho, but I was so touched that he was a gentleman.

He calls me the next day, and the next, and then we actually go out on a date. 3 weeks later we are engaged. And today its been 7 years of happy marriage :)

So I intended on wild nostrings sex for awhile, and got engaged after a few weeks.

pookie
09-14-2007, 05:12 AM
He calls me the next day, and the next, and then we actually go out on a date. 3 weeks later we are engaged. And today its been 7 years of happy marriage :)


Aww congrats! 7 year! way to go! =)

Brendita
09-14-2007, 08:38 AM
^^^haha, those suck but they are so funny.
Maybe the ex convict got ass raped in jail one to many times.

I only had that happen once with a rubber. its kinda scary if your not on any birth control.

Yeah I kind of wondered that too about the ex-con. The crying thing was so weird that I couldn't think of any other explaination.
Nope, wasn't on birth control. That was my first ever visit to planned parenthood, actually. lol.

iambonbon05
09-14-2007, 10:40 PM
And this one wasn't actually a one night stand, since I am still with the guy 5 years later, but I just want to say that nothing is worse than having super awesome sex and then hearing him say, "uhhhh, where's the condom?"
Nothing kills the mood faster than digging a used condom out of your vagina.
Aw man I've been there. Still with the guy and I wasn't worried about STD's but I wasn't on anything and after having to take the morning after pill TWICE I went to the regular pill.

"So, umm... think you can dig it out for me?" :O So not a good end to sex.

Yekhefah
09-14-2007, 10:42 PM
You had to dig it out? I had a condom slip off during sex once and we didn't notice until after the sex was over. I guess it must have slipped off as he pulled out after he came, but neither of us noticed it was missing until I went to the bathroom to pee and the condom slid out into the toilet. It freaked me out a bit and I went back into the bedroom, where he was standing there going, "Um, this is gonna sound weird, but have you seen the condom?" ::)

sweet_baby
11-11-2011, 10:48 AM
Funny stories!!! Although, I never had a one night stand in my whole entire life. I don't think having one night stands are a good idea ahaha.

Natalllia
11-26-2011, 09:51 AM
I know this thread is old as fuck, but I just want to say that it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has had to dig the used condom out of her vag after sex. It's a real mood-killer.

This happened more than once with an ex-bf. He was a little too big for regular condoms, so they had a way of coming off inside me during sex. We tried to keep the bigger ones in stock, but the regular ones are free and EVERYWHERE in my city, so they were always on hand when we ran out of the bigger ones.

lokikola
11-26-2011, 11:03 AM
I was sent TDY to Alaska and randomly met a guy who worked in the same building I was working in...... so the night I'm supposed to leave we start hooking up in his room but because its fucking Alaska its bright as hell (Sun never goes down) and I was too shy to fuck in day light so we drive to my room at the base hotel where there are heavy enough curtains and finally......... and it sucked. Here it goes. This guy was tiny, like super small couldn't feel it kinda shit. Then he couldn't stay hard, finally he was able to keep it up long enough for him to cum which might have been like 30 seconds. His skin was ridiculously soft as were his hands, and....... the worst, he moaned like a girl, more girly than I did, like squeaky, and was so feminine it was weird. I'm glad his eyes were closed and it was dark because I'm sure my face showed how petrified and uncomfortable I was. He acted like a total bitch! Wanted to snuggle and spoon his limp little penis against my amazing ass........ wtf.

This one doesn't count, seriously. Drunk hook up with this weird guy I decided to bang just cuz his hot friend was going to fuck my BF and we were sharing a hotel room. I put the condom on and when the tip of his penis touched my vag he came. No more condoms. No penetration. That was it.

I was deployed with this kid for 6 months, when we got back we hooked up after my husband cheated on me and I divorced him. He was like a bunny, thought good sex meant slapping it in as hard and fast as he could. I was too nice back then, I took him to pick up a pizza then dropped him off at home.

Last one was kinda of a relationship..... not that the sex was bad it was actually good but the afterwards part. We basically broke up every time we had sex because he was very Christian and felt so much guilt he couldn't bear it. He would ask me to leave and avoid me for a long time after that. Guess this one is one of the ones I dislike the most because I actually liked this guy and he pushed me away so many times. I later realized it wasn't anything about me, he liked me and always wanted me back but his religious related guilt was really hard on him. He ended up trying to get back with me several times again but I'd had it. I couldn't deal with him turning into a big ole pussy every time we had sex and I wanted to be in a relationship that included sex. Oh and I took his virginity, FYI. Haha.

lokikola
11-26-2011, 11:12 AM
Aw man I've been there. Still with the guy and I wasn't worried about STD's but I wasn't on anything and after having to take the morning after pill TWICE I went to the regular pill.

"So, umm... think you can dig it out for me?" :O So not a good end to sex.

Oh! this happened to me. This guy was the hottest guy I've ever slept with though, and the sex was amazeballs. We were fucking and it felt GREAAAAAT, too great. So he checks and says omg the condom is gone so I jump up and run into the bathroom thinking aw fuck I'm knocked up or something. He knocks on the door and says he can't find it so I try to check and sure enough it is in there. Can't get it out. SO I come out of the bathroom and tell him he is going to have to get it out. I lay on the bed and he 'hooks' it with his finger and gets it out. He was a pretty awesome guys so we just threw on another condom and finished.

anouk.oui
11-26-2011, 04:43 PM
i was 18 and really drunk and horny. after clubbing i meet this guy at the bus stop who ive seen out once or twice before and had a chat with. i dont know, we're both pretty drunk and go to hook up on like a ping pong table near the tennis courts. he keeps insisting we go to my house but yeh its out of the question.

hes drunk and hardly walking straight carrying a goon bag and i decide im too worked up now to just go home so convince him to take a taxi back to his place.

after insisting we're reaally quiet in his parents house he leads me to like a downstairs/basement room thats kinda like a gaming room / storage / get drunk n pass out room.

he leads me to this only tiny train of a couch and its pretty fucking narrow and we keep making out and rolling off onto some cold tiles, plus the couch is actually two narrow couches pushed together and they keep slipping apart and we kinda end up falling through the middle because it doesnt fucking stay.

so im like whatever we come this far but he couldnt get it up im assuming coz he was really drunk. he keeps falling out but he kept blaming it on me saying im too tight, i cant handle it, cant even handle fingers whatever and just tries to make me feel bad for him not being able to keep it up.
at this point the sun is coming up and im soo uncomfortable its so awkward.
i leave pretty much straight away before being forced to meet parents etc.

i didnt bring a jumper and its not like i wanted to see this dude again so i walked for 40 mins in a slutty party dress barefoot with my head down to a bus stop and i seriously dont remember how i got home i was just so embarassed and glad to be back and promised self never to pick up drunk guys again.
he kept trying to call me and i told him he didnt make anything happen and he was like oh babe u were so drunk didnt wanna take advantage of you besides you couldnt even take a finger blah blah blah

so fuckin whatever. never again.

blondhottie
11-26-2011, 07:45 PM
I got pregnant from a one night stand once. The sex itself was good, but I specifically told him NOT to cum inside me. I was pissed!

kitinboots
11-27-2011, 07:25 AM
I can't say I've had many, but I do remember attempting drunk sex with a 19 year old boy. He stayed the night and in the morning he wouldn't leave. I was saying all sorts of things about how I had errands to run and needed to get going but he just lay there. I was really hungover and just wanted to lie in bed alone, but I had to get dressed and leave my apartment just to get him to do the same. I would have just told him to GTFO but he was working for my landlord and I didn't want him telling him about the pole I'd installed in the living room.

firemaiden04
11-27-2011, 07:46 AM
When I was 20, I flew down to Arkansas for one of my best friend's birthday parties, and we all got drunk, and I hooked up with her boyfriend's older brother. He was fucking GORGEOUS, and we actually started having sex under a blanket on the couch in the living room while the party was still in full swing. I thought I was being real sneaky at the time, but I'm sure it was perfectly obvious. But when we went upstairs to the room I was sleeping in and starting going at it, he started having some...issues. Serious whiskey dick. I'd never experienced that before, and I was very patient and understanding for the first ten times or so. But then I started losing interest and getting a bit annoyed. Finally I was like, "Uh, let's just go to sleep." I had to fly back to NY the next morning, so I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to pack my shit and sneak out while he was still asleep...except that his car was blocking my friend's car and we had to wake him up anyways. I don't think we said a word to each other, and I've never seen or heard from him since.

We were almost to the airport when I realized I didn't know his name. My friend laughed and laughed. To date that is the one and only one night stand I've ever had, and it wasn't an experience I'd really like to repeat. I much prefer the casual friends-with-benefits and fuck buddies thing to one-night stands.

Natalllia
11-27-2011, 09:14 AM
I can't say I've had many, but I do remember attempting drunk sex with a 19 year old boy. He stayed the night and in the morning he wouldn't leave. I was saying all sorts of things about how I had errands to run and needed to get going but he just lay there. I was really hungover and just wanted to lie in bed alone, but I had to get dressed and leave my apartment just to get him to do the same. I would have just told him to GTFO but he was working for my landlord and I didn't want him telling him about the pole I'd installed in the living room.

I was reading this whole thing thinking "wow, she was a lot nicer than I am!".... until I got to the last sentence.

Why can't people take a hint? They need to teach hint-taking in high school or something, ffs.

Amareth
11-27-2011, 05:12 PM
This thread is hilarious! Here's one of mine, not as bad as most on here.

I was out clubbing with some friends and meet this cute guy, this is a few months after I'd started dancing and I was pretty drunk so when he asks my name I automatically say my stage name and decide to just go with it. We're making out in the club and he's fingering me at one point so we think fuck it and get a taxi back to his, get to the bedroom and when he's naked I see his dick is probably just shy of 4 inches and thin to boot. Whatever, I've come this far but then he keeps having trouble keeping it hard - in the end I give up and just finish myself off (I wanted to cum, if he wasn't doing the job right why not?).

We get a few hours sleep and in the morning he makes me breakfast which was sweet, he was actually a nice guy just the sex was so bad I knew I wasn't going to see him again. He asks for my number and I tell him my phone was stolen at the club (which it was), I notice he's calling me 'babe' and 'sweetie' and shit like that so I ask him "You've forgotten my haven't you?" "Uh, yeah.. I'm really sorry" "It's ok, I gave you a fake one anyway" strangely enough he didn't ask what my name was.

We're in a part of the city I don't know so he walks me to the train station and as we say goodbye he says "see you soon" which I can't help but stifle a laugh at - he doesn't have my number or my name and we just had the worst sex of my life.

Oh, and I have a great story about a stuck condom! This is when I was living in a hostel, a friend of mine living there as well comes up to me one night when I'm chilling in the common room and asks if she can talk to me in private. We go into one of the bathrooms and she tells me she's just been fucking this guy she was casually seeing at the time and the condom has gotten stuck inside her and she can't get it out.

Being good friends I try and fish it out for her (first and only time I've fingered a girl and in the least sexy context ever) I was fine with doing it but I guess to try and make me comfortable she says "just pretend it's a guys ass" which makes me laugh as I have never stuck my finger up a guys ass and find that concept much worse! Anyway I'm trying to pull it out but she's saying it hurts to the point she's almost blacking out from the pain so my friend, her fuck buddy and I get a cab to the emergency ward where her FB and I make awkward conversation in the waiting room while she's having a nurse lecture her about going on the pill and getting a condom removed!

Was certainly a memorable night!

ashiepants
11-27-2011, 06:00 PM
Won't get into details but lets just say he had a micro dick that wouldn't stay hard, and he cried the whole time we fucked. CRIED. LIKE ALLIGATOR TEARS. AND NOT BECAUSE HE WAS HAVING FUN, BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED.

Sigh. I'm never fucking a virgin again.

lokikola
11-28-2011, 10:48 PM
He couldn't get me off with his mouth to save his life. Like... he'd keep getting me really close, but then switch what he was doing and fuck it all up.


I fucking hate when they do that...... consistency please!

can we get this thread moved to the lounge? I really think men need to be reading this shit.

smeca
12-02-2011, 10:17 AM
Ugh the worst one was a guy i met in a club, like everything that could go wrong that night did. Lost friends as soon as we got in the club, so after a while searching i end up talking to someone. Already really drunk, getting off loads in the club, like eating each other's faces, then i took him home cos my place was just round the corner. In the morning i'm thinking ugh who is this boy, he wasn't very good looking, and i just felt horrible with myself. Again he wouldn't take a hint to leave, inisisted on a cup of tea! Stupidly i made him one, i was too nice then lol. Ha also remembered he gave me his number in the hope i'd call, even though i was clearly not happy. Why can't they leave with a bit of dignity and recognise nothing else will happen?

Turns out my flatmate also brought someone home from the same club but we didn't hear each other in the flat! Argh! Was kind of funny later though.

misskittylaminx
12-05-2011, 01:28 AM
I have a one-DAY stand story. Lmao

So I rode the bus to an area I'd never been to before to visit a friend of mine from high school. And I'm waiting on the next bus to his apartment complex.

This WICKEDLY sexy guy pulls into the parking lot behind my bus stop get out of the car and coems over to me. We start talking , I tell him I'm trying to go to a friend's house he offers a ride so I Take it. We exchange numbers before I get out of the car.


The next day, I'm driving this time around 8 am after dropping my mom off at work I go to his place with my mcdonalds breakfast, he left the door open because he was in the shower, I eat and am finished by the time he comes out.

We watch movies for a while with me lying in his arms on the couch then he starts to kiss me. Whips a tit out and next thing I know he's leading me back to his bedroom. He fucks me in front of his fully mirrored closet to some rap cd I've never heard before. We fucked about 3 times, both came and I fell asleep until about noon. When I wake up he's sitting up in bed watching tv and making business calls.

After pretending to watch tv with him for a little while. I decide it's time for me to leave. We hug kiss I drove away and we never spoke again.

kitinboots
12-05-2011, 11:56 AM
^^^thats not so bad

SuperJa
12-05-2011, 07:20 PM
^^^thats not so bad
yeah no kidding, you actually came.

SnuffleUffleGrass
12-14-2011, 08:04 PM
He had a black wart on his dick. I refused to hit it. The end.

UwishUknewhy
12-15-2011, 02:24 PM
I was usually WAY to drunk to remember how they began, went, and ended.

snowcake
12-15-2011, 04:29 PM
Well as all stories go, I was fucking hammered and went to this guy's motel room. He was GROSS, idk what was going through my mind. Anyways...
He started to eat me out, he was pretty good at it actually... after I came, I was about to go down on him, but I started feeling very sick and ran to the bathroom. I puked about 5 times and asked him to call me a taxi and went home. So I guess I kind of used him. Whoops.

anouk.oui
12-27-2011, 01:00 AM
hes actually a real sweet guy, i love hangin out with him and hes totally hott and i been wanting to fuck him for like a year so i guess after all those building expectations he could only be a letdown.

**A word of warning -- this may be too much information for some. might delete it like tomorrow or something**

we were hangin out watching movies at his place and finally started making out [which was really niice] and cuddling and stuff and he started rubbing me [oh i cant think WHERE] and he was just sooo rough i thought my clit was going to fall off. i was already really horny just making out and the more he rubbed the less horny i became [which caused him to freak out and rub me HARDER]. he then tried to stick his dick in and i told him to get a condom on and he started to dodge it like he doesnt have any, doesnt like them, loses his boner, why if im on the pill anyway blahfuckingblah
so he gets one on and goes limp. straight away. so i was like oh great i spent two years fucking my ex's limp dick dont wanna put up with this shit again.... tries to put it in.. fails...

we were on the living room mattress which he took from his bed. he suggests we go into his room [even though everyone else was upstairs or sleeping or away]. it instantly got more awkward sitting on his floor, naked with the lights on. so he puts on my second and final condom and tries to contort me into several positions and at some point my sunburnt legs are getting carpet burnt also and its killing me.... so he manages for a few second but he just pounds away SO HARD i was like in pain... cant stand pounding.... someone tell me how i make my vag tolerate it coz after like half a min it just kills....... but he still keeps going limp.

so i get on top of him and get like sudden flashback looking at his ears, of my ex and where his stretcher and studs used to be and i try really hard not to break down and think he was an asshole and ive done the right thing by ending things. so this is still happening on the floor of a brightly lit room.

my friend who used to fuck him also said he gets completely disconnected when he fucks like hes a different person. we had a great connection and the moment we started attempting to fuck, it was like he was a random unknown from the pub. its kinda like rockstar fucking. hes prob used to picking up drunk loose groupies who cant feel a thing so he just pounds away to get himself off and not get too attached.

and he REALLY didnt have to do much to please me, i was halfway there just by watching videos of him playing onstage, i could hardly sleep for days hes so hot.

so we go back to the living room thank fuck and continue watching tv. he tries to have sex with me again but i told him its not happening as im out of condoms.



it was sad how it was what i looked forward to the most that ruined a perfectly nice evening. i dont know, i might try again after the gig when im really wasted and cant feel a thing maybe have better luck otherwise ill keep an eye out for other mancandy.


if you need more context
http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?p=2269861#post2269861
and plz leave a message lol

Vyanka
12-27-2011, 01:57 AM
This thread is hilarious! Here's one of mine, not as bad as most on here.

I was out clubbing with some friends and meet this cute guy, this is a few months after I'd started dancing and I was pretty drunk so when he asks my name I automatically say my stage name and decide to just go with it. We're making out in the club and he's fingering me at one point so we think fuck it and get a taxi back to his, get to the bedroom and when he's naked I see his dick is probably just shy of 4 inches and thin to boot. Whatever, I've come this far but then he keeps having trouble keeping it hard - in the end I give up and just finish myself off (I wanted to cum, if he wasn't doing the job right why not?).

We get a few hours sleep and in the morning he makes me breakfast which was sweet, he was actually a nice guy just the sex was so bad I knew I wasn't going to see him again. He asks for my number and I tell him my phone was stolen at the club (which it was), I notice he's calling me 'babe' and 'sweetie' and shit olike that so I ask him "You've forgotten my haven't you?" "Uh, yeah.. I'm really sorry" "It's ok, I gave you a fake one anyway" strangely enough he didn't ask what my name was.

We're in a part of the city I don't know so he walks me to the train station and as we say goodbye he says "see you soon" which I can't help but stifle a laugh at - he doesn't have my number or my name and we just had the worst sex of my life.

Oh, and I have a great story about a stuck condom! This is when I was living in a hostel, a friend of mine living there as well comes up to me one night when I'm chilling in the common room and asks if she can talk to me in private. We go into one of the bathrooms and she tells me she's just been fucking this guy she was casually seeing at the time and the condom has gotten stuck inside her and she can't get it out.

Being good friends I try and fish it out for her (first and only time I've fingered a girl and in the least sexy context ever) I was fine with doing it but I guess to try and make me comfortable she says "just pretend it's a guys ass" which makes me laugh as I have never stuck my finger up a guys ass and find that concept much worse! Anyway I'm trying to pull it out but she's saying it hurts to the point she's almost blacking out from the pain so my friend, her fuck buddy and I get a cab to the emergency ward where her FB and I make awkward conversation in the waiting room while she's having a nurse lecture her about going on the pill and getting a condom removed!

Was certainly a memorable night!
"Make believe you're fingering a man's ass"....that is fucking hilarious!! Lololol

SweetPinkCupcake
12-30-2011, 12:46 AM
3 minutes in the Dominican Republic. He lasted 3 minutes and then communicated through our language barrier that he wanted to keep my underwear!