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sxybrat07
09-05-2007, 08:56 AM
Dear Cameron,

I am a horrible procrastinator. I write down what I'm supposed to do, I try to schedule myself times to do it, yet I get overwhelmed and still can't make myself do it. I am pulling 16 credits and full time work hours, and I can't afford to sit around doing nothing. How do I motivate myself? Help!

-Procrastinators Unite....tomorrow

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 09:41 AM
Dear Cameron,

I am a horrible procrastinator. I write down what I'm supposed to do, I try to schedule myself times to do it, yet I get overwhelmed and still can't make myself do it. I am pulling 16 credits and full time work hours, and I can't afford to sit around doing nothing. How do I motivate myself? Help!

-Procrastinators Unite....tomorrow

This is an ongoing problem with me too..and I get distracted easily...I"m vacuuming and go into the kitchen for vacuum bags and see the dishes need to be done..so I start doing that..then I dry my hands on a towel,notice its dirty and decide to do a load of laiundry..on my way to get the est of the laundry, I see there is dust on the shelves and think I should dust...etc..etc...as a result I am often exhausted, but nothing got done!

You NEED time to sit around doing nothing. You need to recharge..dont feel guilty about that.

Make a list of what needs to be done for the WEEK...not the day. So if you spend an hour vegging and the laundry isnt done...you can check that off tomorrow. Or if you have a burst of energy you can clear half the list in one day and you have guilt-free veg time on other days.

phillyvixen
09-05-2007, 09:43 AM
Dear Goddess Cameron,
My Fiance is a fan of the occasional butt fucking. (both ways but for now i'm talking about him receiving) I am more then happy to oblige him, however I always end up sore. He only likes it really rough and mean (I realize i sound like a troll but i'm totally serious) so my strap on ends up pushing into the top of my pussy when i'm pounding on him and it feels all bruised the next day. The last time I tried padding it with a wash cloth between the harness and me but it still hurt. Any Ideas?
Thanks in Advance

JustJayda
09-05-2007, 09:44 AM
Hope I haven't thread-jacked this CK's terrific and insightful advice column.

::) :banghead: :banghead:

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 09:53 AM
Dear Goddess Cameron,
My Fiance is a fan of the occasional butt fucking. (both ways but for now i'm talking about him receiving) I am more then happy to oblige him, however I always end up sore. He only likes it really rough and mean (I realize i sound like a troll but i'm totally serious) so my strap on ends up pushing into the top of my pussy when i'm pounding on him and it feels all bruised the next day. The last time I tried padding it with a wash cloth between the harness and me but it still hurt. Any Ideas?
Thanks in Advance

Can you hold the dildo part in your hand while you are penatrating him...thus stopping it from slamming back into you? I'd take an ibuprofen beforehand to..that will help ward off the swelling and bruised feeling. What about using a hand held dildo instead of a strap on? You could slam it into him really hard with no danger to your own nether regions.
You can pad it..but a washcloth is rough so the friction alone will end up hurting and irritating you. Try a folded pillowcase or old t-shirt..something that would be soft rubbing up against you.
Ice your crotch right afterwards too...that will also help ward off the bruising.

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 09:53 AM
::) :banghead: :banghead:

???? Whats the problem?

423texas
09-05-2007, 04:10 PM
It all depends on you and your addiction possibilities. I do not have an addictive personallity and have discussed possibilities with my dr(which i highly recommend) and we've come to the conclusion that I'm better off taking a sleep aid on a reg basis then not sleeping. Whenidont sleep I get sick and foggy and am basically useless.

I take Ambian..I cut it in half most of the time..until I getto the point where I'm gogin 3 or 4 days on no sleep..then I'll take a whole.
I feel much better...my stress levels are down and my health problems have become much less severe.

So talk to your dr. If this is something you need because you have tried everything else and cant sleep(cutting out caffiens, hot showers, aromatherapy, etc...etc..) I'd do it.


Thanks Cameron,
I have consulted with my Dr., and that is where I get the Ambien, with his knowledge. Like you, I usually take a 1/2 a pill. And sometimes I'll go long periods without Ambien (a week or two), so I'm not too concerned about addiction. Without Ambien I'm just about worthless (the next day) without any sleep, I'll continue to take Ambien when needed.

BTW: There are other newer pills that have come out like Lunesta. Since Ambien works well for me, I'll stick with it. Has anyone tried both Ambien and Lunesta? Any opinions on which is better?

Also, I wanted to say that I don't consider Ambien a "Get High" drug. To me it is a medication that is used solely for it's designed purpose. It's far different from Zanaxx. How do others feel?

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 04:18 PM
Thanks Cameron,
I have consulted with my Dr., and that is where I get the Ambien, with his knowledge. Like you, I usually take a 1/2 a pill. And sometimes I'll go long periods without Ambien (a week or two), so I'm not too concerned about addiction. Without Ambien I'm just about worthless (the next day) without any sleep, I'll continue to take Ambien when needed.

BTW: There are other newer pills that have come out like Lunesta. Since Ambien works well for me, I'll stick with it. Has anyone tried both Ambien and Lunesta? Any opinions on which is better?

Also, I wanted to say that I don't consider Ambien a "Get High" drug. To me it is a medication that is used solely for it's designed purpose. It's far different from Zanaxx. How do others feel?

I've tried Lunesta...did nothing. But I have a bizarrely high tolerance so my experience is not necessarily the norm. Ambien is the only thing that has ever had any effect on me whatsoever so I'll just stick with that.

I dont see it as a "get high" drug either considering it doesnt make me high..it just allows me to get actual sleep without waking up every 30 minutes. I cant imagine why anyone would take it recreationaly..but then again, people take a lot of things recreationaly that I dont understand why..

greenidlady1
09-05-2007, 04:21 PM
Dear Cameron,

I asked this question in the body business forum but I suppose noone knew the answer. Do antibiotics interfere with your menstrual cycle? I am not on the pill either.

Yekhefah
09-05-2007, 04:22 PM
^^^ No, they don't. They will interfere with the pill, but not your cycle itself.

They may, however, give you a yeast infection.

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 04:29 PM
^^what she said. As far as I know anyway....I would ask a dr if you have specific concerns.

Yekhefah
09-05-2007, 04:35 PM
Sorry, didn't mean to step on your toes, Cam!

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 04:38 PM
Sorry, didn't mean to step on your toes, Cam!

No prob!!

Kaylinn
09-05-2007, 04:52 PM
Dear Miss Keys,

Sometimes, very rarely, my boyfriend can't cum. We have sex, and he just cannot get off. He says he penis just isn't cooperating. So after fucking for however long, he will just stop and give up cause it just won't happen for him. It only happens maybe once every 3 months, but I wonder why this happens? Or is it just an occasional fluke?

crazy_sexy
09-05-2007, 04:59 PM
i am interested in dancing and thinking about moving to the baltimore area.any suggestions?i know lap dances are where the money is but i am not sure i could do a totally nude lap dance.do you know if they have totally nude lap dances in baltimore?i have no problem with total nude stage dancing. help!!!!

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 05:07 PM
Dear Miss Keys,

Sometimes, very rarely, my boyfriend can't cum. We have sex, and he just cannot get off. He says he penis just isn't cooperating. So after fucking for however long, he will just stop and give up cause it just won't happen for him. It only happens maybe once every 3 months, but I wonder why this happens? Or is it just an occasional fluke?

Since it only happens rarley I woudlnt worry about it. It could be anything from stress to a side effect of medication(even pot can cause this sometimes).

If it becomes more frequent it is a condition referred to as delayed ejaculation or anorgasmia and he should see a urologist.


It has NOTHING to do with you or his arousal(just in caseyou were worried about that...many women take it personally). It's just a fluke. I"m sure you have times where,even though you are enjoying sex and are turned on..you cant orgasm for whatever reason. Same with him.

Just enjoy the ride...and have him try to jerk off..sometimes that works for guys when sex doesnt. So he isnt left with blue balls!

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 05:10 PM
i am interested in dancing and thinking about moving to the baltimore area.any suggestions?i know lap dances are where the money is but i am not sure i could do a totally nude lap dance.do you know if they have totally nude lap dances in baltimore?i have no problem with total nude stage dancing. help!!!!

I dont know a lot about Baltimore clubs..though there are several girls on here that work in that area. If you go to CLub Chat you can ask and I'm sure they will be more than willing to fill you in.

What I can tell you is that many nude clubs still require you to keep a thong on for dances...esp if they are 2 way contact dances. And in the few I've worked at that allowed full nude lap dances...there were always a few fgirls who kept their bottoms on anyway. It isnt a requirement. You may get less dances because of it..but you wont be forced to do it.

dangerousdiva
09-05-2007, 05:10 PM
Dear Cameron,

How do you get rid of a raging hangover, get energy to go shopping and try to look beautiful in a couple hours?

I'm serious!

PS
Great thread!

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 05:14 PM
Dear Cameron,

How do you get rid of a raging hangover, get energy to go shopping and try to look beautiful in a couple hours?

HA! Well...I'm sure you look gorgeous even with a hangover!! But a cpl aspirin or Aleve to stop the thumping in your head will help. Eat something. Preferably bread to soak up any alcohol left in your stomach and help any queasiness you feel. Drink some gatorade to re-hydrate and replenish electrolytes.ONce you are rehydrated your energy level should go up.

mollyzmoon
09-05-2007, 06:54 PM
Dear Cameron,

I've never had an orgasm, and the closest I ever came to that was with my ex...who's my favourite person to have sex with. The problem is, he has another 'real girlfriend'. He was trying to get back with her the whole time we were seeing eachother, and then I think he did. He lied to me a lot, and let me down, making me sad and stuff.

But he still msgs me and wants to hook up. I kind of hate having real boyfriends, but I miss having fun sex. Plus I want to have an orgasm, like someday. Would it be too stupid and damaging to hook up with him again?

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 07:35 PM
Dear Cameron,

I've never had an orgasm, and the closest I ever came to that was with my ex...who's my favourite person to have sex with. The problem is, he has another 'real girlfriend'. He was trying to get back with her the whole time we were seeing eachother, and then I think he did. He lied to me a lot, and let me down, making me sad and stuff.

But he still msgs me and wants to hook up. I kind of hate having real boyfriends, but I miss having fun sex. Plus I want to have an orgasm, like someday. Would it be too stupid and damaging to hook up with him again?

Have you ever orgasmed alone? Either with your fingers or a vibrator? If not...you should work on that first before you do anything. You cant expect anyone else to satisfy you if you dont know how to satisfy yourself.

As for the ex. I'm quick to say yes it would be damaging...only because knowing you the little I do, I'm not sure you can NOT get emotionally involved. If you can use him for sex(like I'm sure he would have no problem doing) then I'd say sure...go have some no-strings fun. ButI think in your case..it would be too much of a gamble and you may end up hurt again.

sxybrat07
09-05-2007, 07:56 PM
This is an ongoing problem with me too..and I get distracted easily...I"m vacuuming and go into the kitchen for vacuum bags and see the dishes need to be done..so I start doing that..then I dry my hands on a towel,notice its dirty and decide to do a load of laiundry..on my way to get the est of the laundry, I see there is dust on the shelves and think I should dust...etc..etc...as a result I am often exhausted, but nothing got done!

You NEED time to sit around doing nothing. You need to recharge..dont feel guilty about that.

Make a list of what needs to be done for the WEEK...not the day. So if you spend an hour vegging and the laundry isnt done...you can check that off tomorrow. Or if you have a burst of energy you can clear half the list in one day and you have guilt-free veg time on other days.

Thanks! I totally do that too...Oooh look laundry, Oooh look litterbox, Oooh look dinnertime...OOOH look my house is a mess still!

Hello_Kitty27
09-05-2007, 07:59 PM
Dearest Cameron,

This will be long....sorry about that ... just want you to have all the background info....

I met a guy a little over 2 months ago. We were attracted to each other, but agreed that neither of us wanted a relationship. We fooled around the first nite (no sex though....I'd say we made it to 2nd base), did a lot of the same the 2nd time we hung out, had a watching-TV-innocently kinda-date the 3rd time we hung out and had sex the 4th time we hung out. This was all pretty much within the first 7-8 days of knowing each other. As we started hanging out more, meeting each other's friends, etc we started to really like each other for more than fooling around. His friends LOVE me. He invited me as his date to a wedding, which I agreed to go with him to. He warned me that I'd be meeting his family, but I really didn't care, as we weren't "dating". Well, the night before the wedding, we hung out, got drunk and decided to call it what it is and admit that we're dating. The wedding went well, his family liked me and I liked them and everything was wonderful.

Everything was going VERY well for the first three weeks after we started dating. We saw each other about 2-3x a week (mostly weekends only due to work scheds) and we talked at least every other day, let's just say 4-5 days out of the week, INCL days we hung out. Well, about three weeks into it, I picked his EXRTREMELY intoxicated ass up from the bar, as he was in no condition to drive. Keep in mind, this was on a weeknight at 2AM and I had to work at 8AM. He gets in my car and proceeds to drunkenly tell me he thinks he's falling in love with me, etc and that's why he's been pulling away from me a bit. I thought nothing of his speech, as he was drunk. I know how that goes. I spoke with him the next day and everything seemed fine. However, after that, he didn't return any of my phone calls for 4 days straight.

That weekend, I ran into his friends at a local bar and they invited me back to the bar that my BF and the rest of the guys were all at. Since I hadn't heard from him, I decided to go. When he saw me, he just said that he had been avoiding my phone calls b/c of how embarassed he was for being so drunk and he wasn't sure what was coming out of his mouth etc.

This was all 2 weeks ago. Ever since then, things have been better...back to normal I guess you could say. Except for that he's taking a day or two to return phone calls, blowing me off when we've agreed to hang out at the bar on the weekend, etc. We were supposed to have a non-drinking date this past Monday and just hang out and he blew me off. When he called me on Tues, he acted like it was no big deal and that he was doing running around for the new job he just started and was also hanging out with his sister who was in town from school. Well it just so happens that I was offered a promotion on Tuesday at my job. I texted him on my way into school yesterday that since I'm off school on Wed nights, maybe we could hang out and celebrate my promotion. He texted back and said "I'll call ya later"....well, here it is Wed night almost 10PM and I have no no call and no text. What gives???

He is very distrustful of women and I know he's had his guard up from day one b/c of some past issues. I've been patient and understanding. I've had my guard up as well. I've tried to retaliate and ignore his calls for a day or two here and there, but it doesn't phase him like it does me. And to be honest, I've tried to "catch" him doing things behind my back (like when he blows me off) and he's always behaving and doing innocent enough things, like watching footballs games, sleeping, etc. I know he has a tough job but I've told him that this behaviour is disrespectful and bothersome, yet he doesn't change it at all!!!

What is your take on this? How should I handle it? It's driving me mad ....and making me insecure and stalker-ish. (I'm embarassed to even say that).

PS When we do talk and when we do hang out, things are really good. He's never rude to me and disrespectful in any other way...just the whole no call/blowing off occassionally thing.

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 08:12 PM
What is your take on this? How should I handle it? It's driving me mad ....and making me insecure and stalker-ish. (I'm embarassed to even say that).

PS When we do talk and when we do hang out, things are really good. He's never rude to me and disrespectful in any other way...just the whole no call/blowing off occassionally thing.


You need to do 2 things:
1) decide exactly what you want from him. Do you want this to remain casual or do you want a serious relationship with him?
If you are ok with keeping it casual...tell him that. Tell him that you enjoy hanging out but dont want to classify it as "dating" because that raises your expectations
If you want a serious relationship, you need to sit him down and have an honest talk. Tell him that You like being with him and were really enjoying where it was going. Untilhe started shutting you down. That you know he has his guard up..so do you..and you dont want to rush things,but you want to be clear about your needs and expectations. You expect him to respect you enough to call when he says he will and not to blow you off.

2) Since you already know that he is embarrased by what he said and that he has issues with past relationships...dont take it personally when he pulls away. But dont let him get away with it either. Tell him that you understand if he feels the need to pull backonce in awhile..but he needs to TELL you that..noit just blow you off.

Be ready to accept the outcome though.He may tell you that,while he likes you, the idea of a "relationship"terrifies him. Can you handle that? Be ready to slow things down...emotionally and physically. A few weeks isnt much time to be getting serious, meeting family, declaring love(drunken or not!)...too much too fast. Go back to just hanging out. Make sure you have other plans for several days of the week so you arent waiting around for him to call.ANd just let things progress at their own speed...you'll have more fun and be less stressed!

mollyzmoon
09-05-2007, 08:13 PM
Have you ever orgasmed alone? Either with your fingers or a vibrator? If not...you should work on that first before you do anything. You cant expect anyone else to satisfy you if you dont know how to satisfy yourself.

As for the ex. I'm quick to say yes it would be damaging...only because knowing you the little I do, I'm not sure you can NOT get emotionally involved. If you can use him for sex(like I'm sure he would have no problem doing) then I'd say sure...go have some no-strings fun. ButI think in your case..it would be too much of a gamble and you may end up hurt again.

No I've never had an orgasm of any kind, and for some reason I'm incapable of masturbating. I've tried vibrators too and it's just like trying to get Pinnochio off. So wooden. But that thing for me is probably some really deep issue that will just take time or something...

Which is why I think your advice about the guy is probably spot on. It's so much easier to acknowledge the an obvious truth when pointed out by a perceptive outsider. Self-delusion is just so tempting. Thanks for saving me what would likely be more heartache!

Very good advice and very considerate response! I think you're great at this.

cameron_keys
09-05-2007, 08:16 PM
.Thanks for saving me what would likely be more heartache!

Very good advice and very considerate response! I think you're great at this.

Thanks! I'm really getting a feel for it...and I'm SO happy if I saved you from heartache. You are too sweet and too beautiful inside and out to go through pain needlessly.

Hello_Kitty27
09-05-2007, 08:21 PM
You need to do 2 things:
1) decide exactly what you want from him. Do you want this to remain casual or do you want a serious relationship with him?
If you are ok with keeping it casual...tell him that. Tell him that you enjoy hanging out but dont want to classify it as "dating" because that raises your expectations
If you want a serious relationship, you need to sit him down and have an honest talk. Tell him that You like being with him and were really enjoying where it was going. Untilhe started shutting you down. That you know he has his guard up..so do you..and you dont want to rush things,but you want to be clear about your needs and expectations. You expect him to respect you enough to call when he says he will and not to blow you off.

2) Since you already know that he is embarrased by what he said and that he has issues with past relationships...dont take it personally when he pulls away. But dont let him get away with it either. Tell him that you understand if he feels the need to pull backonce in awhile..but he needs to TELL you that..noit just blow you off.

Be ready to accept the outcome though.He may tell you that,while he likes you, the idea of a "relationship"terrifies him. Can you handle that? Be ready to slow things down...emotionally and physically. A few weeks isnt much time to be getting serious, meeting family, declaring love(drunken or not!)...too much too fast. Go back to just hanging out. Make sure you have other plans for several days of the week so you arent waiting around for him to call.ANd just let things progress at their own speed...you'll have more fun and be less stressed!

Thanks. We REALLY have connected on many things and I was actually starting to get excited about getting a little more serious with him until all this happened. The wedding/family thing was just that ...a wedding...we haven't done the family thing at all aside from that. I like your advice about the dating thing raising expectations, b/c it's true. I've tried to be as understanding and accomodating as possible, but this is getting out of hand, b/c it's just rude and hurtful. And I can't get that through his head. I'm all for only talking and hanging out a couple times a week, just don't f*cking blow me off! I don't want to rush anything either.....now if only I can corner him somewhere that doesn't involve drinking so we could have an ACTUAL conversation!!!

I know that was all long and crazy ... I like your advice and it also helped me feel better, just putting everything "out there".

JustJayda
09-05-2007, 10:53 PM
???? Whats the problem?

pm'd u;)

kryssy
09-06-2007, 02:05 AM
Dear Cameron,

I and my husband try so hard to spend as much time as possible with our children. I have three children 11 (girl), 8 (boy) and 4 (girl). Obviously they are all into different things. I know what types of things that they enjoy, however how can I make it enjoyable for all of us to do things together.
We have thought of bike riding, but the 4 year old is getting into the independant stage, but she can't do the trails like the older kids want to do. We thought of games, but they are all at different stages of games that they can play (A 11 year old just doesn't want to play shoots and ladders one more time)
My son is more into video games and computers.
My oldest girl is into clothes, jewerly, hair ect.
I need idea's to get my family together and have everyone be happy

tootsie
09-06-2007, 04:26 AM
Dear cameron,
why was Ron paul shut out of last weekends texas straw poll????????????????
http://www.newschannel10.com/global/story.asp?s=7032152

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 09:12 AM
Dear Cameron,

I and my husband try so hard to spend as much time as possible with our children. I have three children 11 (girl), 8 (boy) and 4 (girl). Obviously they are all into different things. I know what types of things that they enjoy, however how can I make it enjoyable for all of us to do things together.
We have thought of bike riding, but the 4 year old is getting into the independant stage, but she can't do the trails like the older kids want to do. We thought of games, but they are all at different stages of games that they can play (A 11 year old just doesn't want to play shoots and ladders one more time)
My son is more into video games and computers.
My oldest girl is into clothes, jewerly, hair ect.
I need idea's to get my family together and have everyone be happy

What about outings like the zoo or wannado City(I dont know if you have one of those there). All the kids cold enjoy it. Then you can dedicate some individual time to cater to their specific interests.

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 09:14 AM
Dear cameron,
why was Ron paul shut out of last weekends texas straw poll????????????????


Ok 1) this hurts my eyes too and 2) the official explanation was that they showed up to the polls too late. If the polls are closed you cant vote.

RPs people said it woul dnot have made a differance anyway.

Whenever someone loses it seems that there are a million conspiracy theories. He just isnt a strong enough candidate to win.Period.

RoseWhite
09-06-2007, 10:20 AM
^^ And she even takes on politics! Is there anything she CAN'T do?!?

Mastridonicus
09-06-2007, 10:30 AM
^^ And she even takes on politics! Is there anything she CAN'T do?!?

DVDADO

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 10:54 AM
^^thats true!!LOL!

Kaylinn
09-06-2007, 11:03 AM
Dear Miss Keys,

I have several questions for you today, hope you can help!

1. How do you get spaghetti sauce stain out of a white dress?

2. At a fancy dinner, there are so many different forks and spoons, what is all this silverware for, and how do I know what is the proper utencil to use?

3. Help! I oversalted my soup, is there anything I can do or is it ruined?

4. What is the best way to get a pedicure to last without chipping in a few days?

RoseLeigh
09-06-2007, 11:05 AM
Cameron-I've been surrounded by very negative people recently, and I am trying not to be negative myself. I know we all complain, but I am really trying to keep a positive outlook with school, with the club being so slow, with my therapy and health.

How do I shut down the loudly griping DJ (Oh noes, can't play reggaeton all day anymore! Club must be going to heck!), the dancers verbally harrassing me for being 'a nun' (I actually *gasp* follow the new rules about keeping our shoes on, no straddling on the floor and stuff. Most are nice, but others won't leave me alone.), the crazy roommates (for whom I am free therapy and/or must choose sides in their personal feuds), etc?

I don't want to be totally rude to people I have to spend so much time with, which is usually my first reaction. ;D How do I get away in a slightly more neutral fashion?

VenusGoddess
09-06-2007, 11:19 AM
Ok...here is one for ya!!

When my in-laws come over, my MIL takes the liberty of just walking into my house. My husband and I have told her on numerous occasions that she needs to knock or ring the doorbell and be let in.

Last night, she was coming over to see the kids. I was in the kitchen cooking and talking on the phone to my husband when I turned around and my MIL was walking into my kitchen. I got angry and I said, "Why didn't you ring the doorbell?" and she replied, "What's the big deal? I knocked and you didn't answer. If you don't want people walking in, then you should lock your doors."

Now, this is a woman who came over last summer...and I had the front and back doors locked and she walked all the way around my house to walk in, uninvited, through the French doors off of the side porch.

My only thoughts of dealing with this woman right now involve acts of violence. I feel that my boundaries are constantly being violated and no matter what I say, she doesn't listen. Add that to her having my (now) 5 year old daughter come inside and tell me that I'm "being mean to Nana. She just wanted to see us and you're making her go home because you're being mean."

The other night when she was over, I sent my daughter upstairs to get ready for bed. Makayla insisted on throwing whiney temper tantrum, as she always does when her Nana is around, and I sent her upstairs anyways. Her nana said, "I'll go help her." and I emphatically told her "No. When she's acting like this, I refuse to give her what she wants. When she changes her attitude and can ask in the proper way for help, THEN I will help her or let you go up and help her." Not 1 minute after I said that, Makayla walks down the stairs whining about getting ready for bed. What does Nana do? She walks over to Makayla and says, "Come on...Nana will help you. You're just a baby...let me help you get ready for bed."

I stopped that and told Makayla that she needed to say goodnight to Nana because Nana was leaving.

The major things that ticks me off is the total lack of respect for my home, my boundaries and my parental authority. The other thing that bugs the hell out of me is that she is constantly trying to make me look like the bad guy. She has been doing this more and more often and I do not think I can continue dealing with this woman with any ounce of "calm" as I have been. I'm ready to rip her arms out of their sockets and beat her over the head with them (there's that violence again).

Any advice????

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 11:20 AM
Dear Miss Keys,

I have several questions for you today, hope you can help!

1. How do you get spaghetti sauce stain out of a white dress?

2. At a fancy dinner, there are so many different forks and spoons, what is all this silverware for, and how do I know what is the proper utencil to use?

3. Help! I oversalted my soup, is there anything I can do or is it ruined?

4. What is the best way to get a pedicure to last without chipping in a few days?

OK I had to look some of these up...
1) it seems that soaking the stain in dish detergent is the recommended action. Then wash it in cold water. Check staing before putting it in the dryer..once it goes through the dryer the stain sets and will be impossible to get out.
If that doesnt work...take it to a dry cleaner

2) the best rule of thumb is to work from the outside in.

3) throw in a raw potato and cook a bit longer..the potato will soak up the excess salt

4)You can help maintain the look of your nails between salon visits by applying a top coat to your nails every couple of days

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 11:24 AM
Cameron-I've been surrounded by very negative people recently, and I am trying not to be negative myself. I know we all complain, but I am really trying to keep a positive outlook with school, with the club being so slow, with my therapy and health.

How do I shut down the loudly griping DJ (Oh noes, can't play reggaeton all day anymore! Club must be going to heck!), the dancers verbally harrassing me for being 'a nun' (I actually *gasp* follow the new rules about keeping our shoes on, no straddling on the floor and stuff. Most are nice, but others won't leave me alone.), the crazy roommates (for whom I am free therapy and/or must choose sides in their personal feuds), etc?

I don't want to be totally rude to people I have to spend so much time with, which is usually my first reaction. ;D How do I get away in a slightly more neutral fashion?

Tell everyone exactly what you just told me. That you are stressed and dont want the people around you adding to it, so could they please try to be positive around you for awhile. Threatening to end up on the roof with a shotgun usually works for me! Either that or holding my hands over my ears screaming Mary has a Little Lamb at the top of my lungs so I cant hear them.Joke, be funny about it...but make sure your point gets across that you just cant deal with negativity right now.

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 11:30 AM
Ok...here is one for ya!!

When my in-laws come over, my MIL takes the liberty of just walking into my house. My husband and I have told her on numerous occasions that she needs to knock or ring the doorbell and be let in.

Last night, she was coming over to see the kids. I was in the kitchen cooking and talking on the phone to my husband when I turned around and my MIL was walking into my kitchen. I got angry and I said, "Why didn't you ring the doorbell?" and she replied, "What's the big deal? I knocked and you didn't answer. If you don't want people walking in, then you should lock your doors."

Now, this is a woman who came over last summer...and I had the front and back doors locked and she walked all the way around my house to walk in, uninvited, through the French doors off of the side porch.

My only thoughts of dealing with this woman right now involve acts of violence. I feel that my boundaries are constantly being violated and no matter what I say, she doesn't listen. Add that to her having my (now) 5 year old daughter come inside and tell me that I'm "being mean to Nana. She just wanted to see us and you're making her go home because you're being mean."

The other night when she was over, I sent my daughter upstairs to get ready for bed. Makayla insisted on throwing whiney temper tantrum, as she always does when her Nana is around, and I sent her upstairs anyways. Her nana said, "I'll go help her." and I emphatically told her "No. When she's acting like this, I refuse to give her what she wants. When she changes her attitude and can ask in the proper way for help, THEN I will help her or let you go up and help her." Not 1 minute after I said that, Makayla walks down the stairs whining about getting ready for bed. What does Nana do? She walks over to Makayla and says, "Come on...Nana will help you. You're just a baby...let me help you get ready for bed."

I stopped that and told Makayla that she needed to say goodnight to Nana because Nana was leaving.

The major things that ticks me off is the total lack of respect for my home, my boundaries and my parental authority. The other thing that bugs the hell out of me is that she is constantly trying to make me look like the bad guy. She has been doing this more and more often and I do not think I can continue dealing with this woman with any ounce of "calm" as I have been. I'm ready to rip her arms out of their sockets and beat her over the head with them (there's that violence again).

Any advice????


Ok first of all ..lock your doors. All of them. Yes, it sucks that she wont just respect your wishes, but she wont. It's a power play now. Every time the door is unlocked and she can walk in she wins. Lock the doors so she is FORCED to ring the bell and wait and YOU win.

As for the other issues...you handled the situation very well. She does NOT have the right to over-ride your parenting.

You AND your husband need to sit down with her and explain that this WILL NOT continue or she wont be welcome in your home anymore. Your husband HAS to be there and has to agree with you. Then its a ral issue to her..not just her daughter in law being a bitch.And stick to it. every time she crosses the line..she leaves. Period. Tough love. Its just like teaching a child they cant throw a tantrum(which is basiclaly what you MIL is doing). As soon as it starts..they get a time out and you ignore them. eventually they realize they are NOT going to win this.No matter how much they kcik their feet and beat their fists. They behave or nobody pays attention to them.

It'll be tense for awhile...but it will get better. And isnt it already tense? Anythign is better then this...either she'll stop, or you wont have to deal with her as often!

Kaylinn
09-06-2007, 11:40 AM
OK I had to look some of these up...
1) it seems that soaking the stain in dish detergent is the recommended action. Then wash it in cold water. Check staing before putting it in the dryer..once it goes through the dryer the stain sets and will be impossible to get out.
If that doesnt work...take it to a dry cleaner

2) the best rule of thumb is to work from the outside in.

3) throw in a raw potato and cook a bit longer..the potato will soak up the excess salt

4)You can help maintain the look of your nails between salon visits by applying a top coat to your nails every couple of days


Good job!
Forgive me, but I wanted to throw some questions at you that were different than boyfriend/girly stuff...althought I'm not sure if you've said what area of advice your wanting to offer.

Good advice.

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 11:47 AM
Good job!
Forgive me, but I wanted to throw some questions at you that were different than boyfriend/girly stuff...althought I'm not sure if you've said what area of advice your wanting to offer.

Good advice.

No problem..its good to get differant questions so I can see what i'm good at and what I cant handle.


Any critiques so far from anyone?? Have I been helpful? Entertaining? Annoying?
Anything you recommend I work on?

If I got this rolling I'd do a lot more research on the answers...these are just kind of off the top of my head just to see if I have a knack for it at all....

StuartL
09-06-2007, 01:28 PM
Hey Cameron,

Liking your stuff. You could have a future at this. Most of my pals think I should change careers and become a life coach because I am apparently very good at career advice - so I like to think that I have at least a vague understanding of it - and you are doing great.

Can I ask a question - 'cos even the coaches need a coach...

I'm in the middle of my own potential career change and as a part of it, I am thinking about relocating again. Where should I go? I fancy trying Barcelona, Ibiza, Malta, Paris, Nice, Marbella, Cyprus, Maastricht and Stockholm. But as you can imagine, I can't choose - but I need to and I need change.

The biggest factor is where I might be able to find the right hot, expat, intelligent, educated, well travelled, confident girl for me.

Thoughts anyone?

Best wishes and good luck.

Stuart

twisterinAZ
09-06-2007, 01:36 PM
Fun ! Fun ! Fun!

Okay, here's a good one. I want to get out of dancing and I just can't seem to fugure out what to be when I grow up. Trouble is, I'm already 32! Any suggestions for figuring it out? I've tried lots of different things and always decide that it's not for me.

Are you stumped yet?

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 08:19 PM
Can I ask a question - 'cos even the coaches need a coach...

I'm in the middle of my own potential career change and as a part of it, I am thinking about relocating again. Where should I go? I fancy trying Barcelona, Ibiza, Malta, Paris, Nice, Marbella, Cyprus, Maastricht and Stockholm. But as you can imagine, I can't choose - but I need to and I need change.

The biggest factor is where I might be able to find the right hot, expat, intelligent, educated, well travelled, confident girl for me.

Thoughts anyone?

Best wishes and good luck.

Stuart

Well..if you have the time and means to travel a bit, ideally i'd suggest spending a cpl months in each place. Then you'll have a better idea of where you like to visit and where you want to live.

As for the girl...cant help you there. Figure out what you like(motorcycles, cars, etc..) and join a group for that. You'll have a better chance at finding someone you have something in common with.

cameron_keys
09-06-2007, 08:20 PM
Fun ! Fun ! Fun!

Okay, here's a good one. I want to get out of dancing and I just can't seem to fugure out what to be when I grow up. Trouble is, I'm already 32! Any suggestions for figuring it out? I've tried lots of different things and always decide that it's not for me.

Are you stumped yet?

Oy! I'm 34 and feel the same...tired of dancing, but not willing to be "normal".

My best advice(and what I'm trying to do myself) is findout what you love and figure out how to make money off it!

twisterinAZ
09-06-2007, 09:33 PM
I'm trying to figure it out...sheesh.

Yekhefah
09-06-2007, 09:44 PM
I was debating whether to call Dr. Laura with this today (I know, I know) but I chickened out. So I'm going to a better advice source with another question for Dear Miss Keys...

You read about all that shit last weekend when my mom was checked into the hospital with a BAC of 3.4 - that's right, not .34, but 3.4! And she hadn't had a drink for a few hours, so Lord knows how high it got. She's been drinking like that for awhile now apparently. Finally my stepfather dragged her to the hospital for detox, and she's telling everyone she had a stroke. She expects all her kids to believe she had a stroke. (My stepfather was honest when I called him on the bullshit.) At least two of my three brothers also aren't fooled; they see how much she drinks.

So she got out of the hospital a couple days ago and called me, and I haven't called her back. I guess I should, but I don't want to talk to her. I'm pissed off that she'd lie to her own kids about something as serious as a stroke, especially a "kid" that's pushing thirty and remembers the LAST time she was in rehab. I'm also thoroughly disgusted that she would choose to drink like that when she has THREE minor sons who are just learning about alcohol and peer pressure and are looking to her for an example (and who also need her to be their mom). I mean, her youngest is 12, for fuck's sake. I know alcoholism is supposed to be a disease, but she didn't catch this from forgetting to wash her hands. She's the one who went out to buy a five-liter box of wine and drank it all in a day and a half. At some point she chose this and that is so irresponsible of her as a mother that I have nothing positive to say to her.

I'm probably expected to call her back and play along with the stroke story and ask a bunch of questions and tell her how glad I am that she's all better. But I do NOT want to do it. I've always heard that the first step in conquering alcoholism is admitting you've got a problem, and lying about a stroke is not doing that. If I called her, I would have absolutely nothing I really want to say. (Telling her what a horrible and irresponsible mother she is would just drive her to drink more.) So do I have to call her back? Should I really go along with the whole stroke nonsense?

cameron_keys
09-07-2007, 09:26 AM
So do I have to call her back? Should I really go along with the whole stroke nonsense?

No and no. You dont HAVE to do anything. The queston is whether calling or not calling will stress you out more.

Knowing you a little I think what would make you feel the best is to call ..tell her she cant say anything(and talk over her if she does) and you have to tell her something. Say you know she didnt havea stroke, you thinkit is horrible that she lied instead of taking responsibility, that you know her BAL was high enough to kill her and you dont want to see her die. That you hope that she will admit that she has a problem, commit herself to getting better and live a long healthy life...and that you will not ever call her again if she lies to you again. That she either takes control, or you refuse to deal with her.
Then hang up.
If she calls back ..dont answer. Wait at least a week and callher again to see if shes come to her senses. If not..repeat for another week.

You'll get everything off your chest....she'll know she cant get away with it..and you will have a lot less BS to put up with.