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Mily
09-22-2007, 07:10 PM
You shoudl talk to your Dr. This seems like more than normal PMS symptoms and possibly a bit of hormone therapy( BC pills) will be of great use to you. There are a lot of things now(like PMDD) that we nebver knew about before that have treatments now.


Do you know if these hormones make you gain any weight? I don't even take BC pills because my boobs double in size along with my body mass. :-\

maximvsv
09-22-2007, 07:14 PM
You SHOULD trademark that recipe!! I'm sure a simple google search could give you the info you need. I'll look into finding what I can tomorrow if you like


It's a substance, so you would have to patent that to "protect" it, and then copyright the written explanation. However, either would make it public.

As another alternative, consider that the FDA just requires you to list the ingredients, without all of the construction instructions, so that you can keep the recipe a trade secret.

Kaylinn
09-22-2007, 07:18 PM
You guys need to have a serious talk about respect. He seems to think it is ok to act like he is single with nobody to answer to even though you are in a relationship. No...asking him to call if he is going to be HOURS late isnt too much to ask. Of course...if he doesnt, andyou blow up..hes goingto be defensive, which is going to piss you off more and nothing will be accomplished again. Then ..next time he goes out..he feels justified doing whatever he wants because he thinks you will blow up anyway. Vicious cycle.

When you are both calm and ration(and sober) sit down and hash out rules. If EITHER of you goes out with friends and are going to be hours late...call and leave a message. Thats only fair and respectful. If you phrase it in a "we BOTH need to do this way"he wont be as defensive and you should be able to get your point accross.


Excellent advice Miss Keys.

Didn't exactly work like that tho. More like a huge blow up ending with some good sex.

The problem is..I tend to act like a self rightous bitch when faced with an issue. YOUR WRONG, I'M RIGHT, now apologize to me!
I refuse to take any shit from a man, but as a result, I kind of make him feel like a loser piece of scum. He deserves to feel bad if he did something wrong, but he does try hard to please me, everyone messes up sometimes or does somethign stupid, but I really fuckign come down hard and act liek a complete bitch.

Probably the only reason we are still together is because he inssits we sit down and talk things out camly. After we've had our screaming match. He will not let an issue go until it's been talked out and resolved. I don't wanna talk. I bitch and scream, and I'm over it. SO I act like a bitch and turn my back and refuse to try and talk things out....when I know it helps..I just get over things fast. I yell, I'm done.

so anyway. I yelled, he apologized, I made him cry, I felt bad. he felt bad.

He thinks I suffocate him. I don't think I'm wrong to just ask for a simple text saying - I'm staying out later than planned. Be home in a few hours. That's all I want. I worry a lot. How is that so suffocating? But he won't call, and I start blowing his phoen upp, then he really is being suffocated, he called me crazy, which really really makes me mad...this is how fights start.
I think if he just gave me a simple text message all would be fine. He thinks I shoudl just stop worryign and let him be. Stop acting liek a mother. I think that it's just respectful if you live with someone, and say you'll be home in 2 hours, either come home or call and let the person know you'll be later.

Grr. I don't know.
Whatever. Now I go to work on not enough sleep when I'm already tired always as it is. And cranky. This night will be fun.

Lysondra
09-22-2007, 07:38 PM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I have the choice to go shopping after my big money-earning extravaganza or I could get some much needed sleep. I worked from 4pm-4am last night and woke up at 8 to help friends pack. It is now noon. The mall with all the sales closes at around 4 and is an hour drive away.

What do I do?

BrunetteGoddess
09-22-2007, 07:42 PM
OMG Cam,

We just got told the price for new plumbing for our/MIL's trailer :$2,200. We need to replace the whole plumbing system because it's 30 years old and should have been replaced when the type of pipe MIL has was recalled or whatever, but she didn't. So the plumber said he could keep it repaired to work for a month, but longer than that we need new pipes. MIL is retired at 66, R is just starting his job hunt again, and only money coming in is MIL fixed income of about $1,000/month ($600 rent). We have a lot of items we can eBay, but I'm not sure if I can make that much money! Plus we have other repairs so that we can sell this place, which is becoming a money pit. No SCs close enough for it to matter. Help!

teeth_of_the_hydra
09-22-2007, 09:11 PM
Dear Cameron,

Why can't I drag my ass into a club and get to work? I work between 20-30 hours a week at my day job, but I do nothing else... NOTHING. On nights like tonight I get so freakin' bored sitting around my house and Swiffering the bookshelves for the zillionth time, and I'll wish that I had gone out on auditions that day. But then the next day comes and I'll be wracked with panic at the thought of finding a new place to work, in part because I feel so inadequate. I know my aversion to the club is based in self-esteem issues... I haven't stripped since late July, so it's definitely not burnout. I've wondered, too, whether it's due in part to hatred of the job, but I feel like I'd be able to admit to myself if I really hated stripping. I like it when I'm there, but I just.... dread it beforehand, I guess. And auditioning intimidates the crap out of me! I even bought myself 3 new outfits and new tchotchkes to put inside my hollow shoes, but THAT doesn't seem to be motivating me any better.

So... I don't expect you to tell me why I feel this way, but I hope you can advise me on what to do to overcome these feelings, so I can get my ass into work and start making the kind of bucks I want in my adult life.

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:33 PM
Do you know if these hormones make you gain any weight? I don't even take BC pills because my boobs double in size along with my body mass. :-\

Some may , some may not. You'll have to talk to your Dr about it. You may have to try several types to find one that works for you...but your Dr. will know better what to do for you.

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:34 PM
Well, I have started substituting crispy chicken for grilled chicken at McD's. Baby steps, right?

LOL..yes Baby steps....grilled is better. Side salad instead of fries is better. Any effort is better tehn none and helps get you closer to your goal

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:37 PM
[quote=Kaylinn;1215574]I think if he just gave me a simple text message all would be fine. He thinks I shoudl just stop worryign and let him be. Stop acting liek a mother. I think that it's just respectful if you live with someone, and say you'll be home in 2 hours, either come home or call and let the person know you'll be later.

[quote]


If a simple 2 second text will make you happy and avoid this fight...I have to wonder why he doesnt do it. Feeling "suffocated" is one thing...but a simple text message so your SO doesnt worry about you being dead in a ditch is another thing. Being in an adult relationshiop means respecting each other. If such a small thing makes you happy...it isnt too much to ask.

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:38 PM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I have the choice to go shopping after my big money-earning extravaganza or I could get some much needed sleep. I worked from 4pm-4am last night and woke up at 8 to help friends pack. It is now noon. The mall with all the sales closes at around 4 and is an hour drive away.

What do I do?

If you have to work again today..then sleep. If not..then shop til you drop baby! WHen you are tootired to continue..go home and sleep then

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:40 PM
OMG Cam,

We just got told the price for new plumbing for our/MIL's trailer :$2,200. We need to replace the whole plumbing system because it's 30 years old and should have been replaced when the type of pipe MIL has was recalled or whatever, but she didn't. So the plumber said he could keep it repaired to work for a month, but longer than that we need new pipes. MIL is retired at 66, R is just starting his job hunt again, and only money coming in is MIL fixed income of about $1,000/month ($600 rent). We have a lot of items we can eBay, but I'm not sure if I can make that much money! Plus we have other repairs so that we can sell this place, which is becoming a money pit. No SCs close enough for it to matter. Help!

30 yr old mobile home? That you are trying to sell? IMO..it isnt worth puttin gmoney into. Tell the buyers that you are taking moeny off the price to cover the repairs needed. IF you pour money into it...you'll lose it. As long as you are looking to sell it anyway...dont bother.

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:40 PM
I was talking to my business partner last week (She's a food scientist. Seriously.), and she recommended just going with the whole trade secret thing, so that's the route I'm going to take.

WOO HOO!!! Get your biz on girl!!

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 09:46 PM
Dear Cameron,

Why can't I drag my ass into a club and get to work? I work between 20-30 hours a week at my day job, but I do nothing else... NOTHING. On nights like tonight I get so freakin' bored sitting around my house and Swiffering the bookshelves for the zillionth time, and I'll wish that I had gone out on auditions that day. But then the next day comes and I'll be wracked with panic at the thought of finding a new place to work, in part because I feel so inadequate. I know my aversion to the club is based in self-esteem issues... I haven't stripped since late July, so it's definitely not burnout. I've wondered, too, whether it's due in part to hatred of the job, but I feel like I'd be able to admit to myself if I really hated stripping. I like it when I'm there, but I just.... dread it beforehand, I guess. And auditioning intimidates the crap out of me! I even bought myself 3 new outfits and new tchotchkes to put inside my hollow shoes, but THAT doesn't seem to be motivating me any better.

So... I don't expect you to tell me why I feel this way, but I hope you can advise me on what to do to overcome these feelings, so I can get my ass into work and start making the kind of bucks I want in my adult life.

Just know that you are gorgeous and any club would be more then lucky to have you. Go in KNOWING. ...knowing you will get hired and bank. That there are guys inside that are on the edge of their seat just waiting for you to get on stage.

And if all else fails...go to Key West with me!LOL!

BrunetteGoddess
09-22-2007, 09:51 PM
Dear Cameron,

I feel horrible. With all of this new mess with MIL trailer, tons of repairs, and the impending sky high water bill, I'm a mess. I just got done leaving all the AZ shit and now this. I feel horrible because I was sobbing hysterically tonight in front of R and said I wanted to go home. Meaning to my folks back in AZ. He offered to give me gas money to go home, but I am too paranoid my car will break down in the middle of nowhere or something with me all by myself to drive home alone.. I want to run away from all this. Pretty much for 2 years we have been going through nothing but downs, and no ups with financial stuff. I'm at my wits end. I can't believe I actually put the idea of me leaving out there (though it was only an offhanded comment) I would never want to leave my family or R, but this is making me crazy to the point I am thinking of stuff like this.. For a long time. What do I do?

cameron_keys
09-22-2007, 10:00 PM
Dear Cameron,

I feel horrible. With all of this new mess with MIL trailer, tons of repairs, and the impending sky high water bill, I'm a mess. I just got done leaving all the AZ shit and now this. I feel horrible because I was sobbing hysterically tonight in front of R and said I wanted to go home. Meaning to my folks back in AZ. He offered to give me gas money to go home, but I am too paranoid my car will break down in the middle of nowhere or something with me all by myself to drive home alone.. I want to run away from all this. Pretty much for 2 years we have been going through nothing but downs, and no ups with financial stuff. I'm at my wits end. I can't believe I actually put the idea of me leaving out there (though it was only an offhanded comment) I would never want to leave my family or R, but this is making me crazy to the point I am thinking of stuff like this.. For a long time. What do I do?

Ok first of all..breathe. I know it sucks ass right now..but you just went all the way to CA for a reason right? What is your MIL going to do when the trailer gets sold? WHere are you going to go? If you have somewhere to go...sell the damn trailer already and start living. IF not..figure out where you want to go.
Then start looking for a job. Not just R ...you too.
You both are going to have to work your butts off for awhile to get back on track. But you know you can....you've done this before.

Lean on each other....as long as you have each other you can make it through. Cheesy I know...but it is true. Listen to each other rage and vent and get it all out.

BrunetteGoddess
09-22-2007, 10:07 PM
Well, I will be quite busy with eBay for a while, there's lots to sell. But I'm very worried about R. His field is so selective that I worry he can't get a job and will have to go back to school at 38. And where will we get the money to do that when I don't have any for me? And what would we live on while he's in school?

And we were thinking of moving to Pensacola because it looks like a good place for us to flip houses, but we need to sell the trailer with enough profit to buy another place. That's what we're counting on.

Lysondra
09-23-2007, 12:24 AM
If you have to work again today..then sleep. If not..then shop til you drop baby! WHen you are tootired to continue..go home and sleep then

Damn, I ended up falling asleep before this post! Oh well, at least I saved like $700. Hahaha.

Lysondra
09-23-2007, 12:26 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I just got a new place with a spare bedroom I'm putting all my current bedding into. Which means I have perfect freedom to buy an entirely new queen size bed spread with new pillow cases and comforter and quilts and everything for my bedroom. My guest bed is blue themed, my livingroom is green and black and my kitchen is white.... what do I go with and what do I get? I have about a $700 budget.

Lola Rose
09-24-2007, 08:11 AM
Dear Miss keys,

I am really loving my life right now. Rob and I just moved in together, and I feel so blessed that I have found a person who cares for me so much, and is just my perfect compliment. I had taken a job at a daycare, but decided that at this time, it's just not right for me. I was also in school, but it's really just not for me. I love to craft and do creative things, and I adore cooking. And I love playing with tigger, my puppy. And I'm having fun decorating my home.

But, as most of my friends are in school durring the day and work as well, I feel lonely often. I hang out with friends 1-2 times a week, and it's fun, but really, I'm pretty alone most of the time, as rob works..... I work 2-3 days a week.... so I have a lot of free time.

I feel like I really need something in my life, a filler. a social time.

so I've been looking into activities/classes I used to enjoy.

And I found a production at a theatre about an hours drive from my house. There's a role that would be excelent for me. but it's an hour away, and that's pretty difficult for me. I get really anxious driving, especially at night. and I'd have to leave home at 6 and not be back till 11. that's also best case senerio...... plus, where would work fit in? My club closes at 2. so I'd only really have 2-3 hours time at work....

rehersals are 4-5 days a week (off sundays and mondays, usually) So I'd have to work those nights for sure, and then probably 1-2 nights durring rehersals.... and that's a pretty tough schedule.... plus, I don't really know anyone at that theatre..... so I'm not sure how social it'd really be....

and I'd probably miss dinnertime, which is a special thing for us..... our bonding time, when we chat about our days....

but there's a part of me that really wants to do it, dispite all the obsticles.....

what should I do? Should I do the show? or maybe find some other activity for me to do..... I've thought about maybe trying to find a craft group or volunteering or a book group or something.....

I dunno..... the play is so tempting. but will it be too much? Most of all I'm worried about the drive. I try to avoid driving at all costs usually...... and this would pretty much quadruple! my time behind the wheel....

cameron_keys
09-24-2007, 08:33 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I just got a new place with a spare bedroom I'm putting all my current bedding into. Which means I have perfect freedom to buy an entirely new queen size bed spread with new pillow cases and comforter and quilts and everything for my bedroom. My guest bed is blue themed, my livingroom is green and black and my kitchen is white.... what do I go with and what do I get? I have about a $700 budget.

WHy not go a bit crazy in your bedroom? Its YOUR bedroom..surround yourself with things there that make you calm and happy. Whether thats egytian cotton sheets and a silk comfortor.....or Sponge Bob! Whatever makes YOU happy.

cameron_keys
09-24-2007, 08:35 AM
Dear Miss keys,

I am really loving my life right now. Rob and I just moved in together, and I feel so blessed that I have found a person who cares for me so much, and is just my perfect compliment. I had taken a job at a daycare, but decided that at this time, it's just not right for me. I was also in school, but it's really just not for me. I love to craft and do creative things, and I adore cooking. And I love playing with tigger, my puppy. And I'm having fun decorating my home.

But, as most of my friends are in school durring the day and work as well, I feel lonely often. I hang out with friends 1-2 times a week, and it's fun, but really, I'm pretty alone most of the time, as rob works..... I work 2-3 days a week.... so I have a lot of free time.

I feel like I really need something in my life, a filler. a social time.

so I've been looking into activities/classes I used to enjoy.

And I found a production at a theatre about an hours drive from my house. There's a role that would be excelent for me. but it's an hour away, and that's pretty difficult for me. I get really anxious driving, especially at night. and I'd have to leave home at 6 and not be back till 11. that's also best case senerio...... plus, where would work fit in? My club closes at 2. so I'd only really have 2-3 hours time at work....

rehersals are 4-5 days a week (off sundays and mondays, usually) So I'd have to work those nights for sure, and then probably 1-2 nights durring rehersals.... and that's a pretty tough schedule.... plus, I don't really know anyone at that theatre..... so I'm not sure how social it'd really be....

and I'd probably miss dinnertime, which is a special thing for us..... our bonding time, when we chat about our days....

but there's a part of me that really wants to do it, dispite all the obsticles.....

what should I do? Should I do the show? or maybe find some other activity for me to do..... I've thought about maybe trying to find a craft group or volunteering or a book group or something.....

I dunno..... the play is so tempting. but will it be too much? Most of all I'm worried about the drive. I try to avoid driving at all costs usually...... and this would pretty much quadruple! my time behind the wheel....


How long would the play last? If its only a few months...you might benefit from the experience. There isnt a community theatre closer to you that you could participate? Or an acting class where you could still be a part of the craft you love?

Lola Rose
09-24-2007, 08:48 AM
How long would the play last? If its only a few months...you might benefit from the experience. There isnt a community theatre closer to you that you could participate? Or an acting class where you could still be a part of the craft you love?

it'd be from mid october till mid december....

there are a to of theatres near me, but they almost never do straight plays, just musicals and operettas. I much prefer a play to a musucal. And this role would be very good for me.

I've never really enjoyed acting classes, unless it's private lessons. and that's not really very social either.....

cameron_keys
09-24-2007, 09:37 AM
it'd be from mid october till mid december....

there are a to of theatres near me, but they almost never do straight plays, just musicals and operettas. I much prefer a play to a musucal. And this role would be very good for me.

I've never really enjoyed acting classes, unless it's private lessons. and that's not really very social either.....

It sounds like you have already decided!;)

Lola Rose
09-24-2007, 09:41 AM
ya. i guess so :)

typing it all out really help though!!!! it usually does!

Lysondra
09-24-2007, 06:03 PM
WHy not go a bit crazy in your bedroom? Its YOUR bedroom..surround yourself with things there that make you calm and happy. Whether thats egytian cotton sheets and a silk comfortor.....or Sponge Bob! Whatever makes YOU happy.

I ended up with a very fancy down comforter... covered in pirate bedding. Thanks!

Callyish
09-25-2007, 09:50 AM
Dear Miss Keys...

Last night I damn near cried myself to sleep at the thought of leaving my boy today to go back to Canada and work. Its going to be almost 8 weeks before I see him again and it sucks because we only seem to get to spend a few days every few weeks together. I really like this guy... we've been talking for months now and have spent a few weekends together(me staying at his place) I feel like I can be myself around him, I was instantly comfortable with him and just so relaxed and the chemistry is all right. But I just feel like this isn't going to work for the simple fact he lives in the US and I live in Canada.

Im so confused about things with us. I am really over thinking it big time I know but god damnit thats just me! LoL. I really don't know if I should just go with the flow of things and live with the fear of having my heart broken down the road because things wont work out or if I should just stop while im ahead and move on with life..

Bah I suck at this whole relationship thing :(

cameron_keys
09-25-2007, 10:29 AM
Dear Miss Keys...

Last night I damn near cried myself to sleep at the thought of leaving my boy today to go back to Canada and work. Its going to be almost 8 weeks before I see him again and it sucks because we only seem to get to spend a few days every few weeks together. I really like this guy... we've been talking for months now and have spent a few weekends together(me staying at his place) I feel like I can be myself around him, I was instantly comfortable with him and just so relaxed and the chemistry is all right. But I just feel like this isn't going to work for the simple fact he lives in the US and I live in Canada.

Im so confused about things with us. I am really over thinking it big time I know but god damnit thats just me! LoL. I really don't know if I should just go with the flow of things and live with the fear of having my heart broken down the road because things wont work out or if I should just stop while im ahead and move on with life..

Bah I suck at this whole relationship thing :(

Love is so impossible to find. If you truly feel this has a future..MAKE it work. Can he come see you in between so you can double your time together? Can either of you forsee moving in the future to be together? Have you talked about the future...do you know if you are compatible when it comes to where you want to be, kids, religion...all the things that usually break people up?

If it is too soon for that...just go with the flow and enjoy it for what it is NOW.

Lysondra
09-27-2007, 01:56 AM
Dear Cameron,

My partner's mother thinks I'm anorexic and is trying to get me to go to a clinic. The truth is, her cooking is just terrible.

What do I do?

-Squirreling Away Fast Food

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 09:09 AM
Dear Cameron,

My partner's mother thinks I'm anorexic and is trying to get me to go to a clinic. The truth is, her cooking is just terrible.

What do I do?

-Squirreling Away Fast Food

Show up at her house with a huge pie or cake and tell her you are just craving sweets like crazy. Then pick at your dinner...but eat a nice big piece or cake.

cinammonkisses
09-27-2007, 09:12 AM
Dear Cameron,

I have roughly 1 1/2-2yrs left of college left before I get my degree, but part of me doesn't want to finish. Part of mme wants to drop out, move out of state, and start doing my "dream job" of real estate. I dont' want to continue wasting time/money on college when I know that for the most part I have no use for it. What should I do? Should I stay or should I go??

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 09:21 AM
Dear Cameron,

I have roughly 1 1/2-2yrs left of college left before I get my degree, but part of me doesn't want to finish. Part of mme wants to drop out, move out of state, and start doing my "dream job" of real estate. I dont' want to continue wasting time/money on college when I know that for the most part I have no use for it. What should I do? Should I stay or should I go??

Well..this is really a personal decision..but IMO stick it out. Why throw all the time and money you've spent thus far away? Real estate is an iffy job in many places...and you never know if you'll have a use for your degree in the future. Sometimes having a degree...in ANYTHING helps you get a job or move forward.

Kaylinn
09-27-2007, 09:54 AM
Cam, Is it safe to give my cat some immodium to stop her diarrhea? How much should I give her?

* yes, I know it may be a symptom of something else, and she has a vet appt. but i'd like her to be comfortable until then, if there's anything I can do.

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 11:20 AM
Cam, Is it safe to give my cat some immodium to stop her diarrhea? How much should I give her?

* yes, I know it may be a symptom of something else, and she has a vet appt. but i'd like her to be comfortable until then, if there's anything I can do.

Imodium CAN be ok for cats in SMALL doses...but I cant recommend it. Depending on her condition..it could be bad...Human medications are not formulated for pets; never give your pets medication unless you are directed to do so by a veterinarian.

Call your vet...ask her/him what he/she recommends you give in the meantime or if you can come in now. S/He'll know your cats history enough to be able to tell you with more confidence what you can give her.

Yekhefah
09-27-2007, 11:48 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

My grandmother has pancreatic cancer. Surgery didn't work, chemo didn't work, and now she's trying an experimental drug but I'm not optimistic. Pancreatic cancer is one of the worst you can get, and she's 80 years old, so I think this is it. I'm flying home for a visit in a couple of weeks, but I have no idea what to do or say, since this might be the last time I see her.

We are radically different and I don't think she understands my lifestyle at all. She's a very traditional Mississippi country housewife. But I'm her only grandchild and she loves me, and I want her to know what an inspiration she is for me. She's the classiest, most gracious Southern lady I know and I hope to grow up to be just as strong and gracious as she is. I want to tell her that but I feel weird saying stuff like that out loud, and I feel like telling her all that stuff now is like telling her she's going to die soon.

Should I send her a letter or something? I want her to know she's one of my heroes but I can't figure out a non-cheesy way of getting it across or making it seem like I have no faith in her (fourth) fight against the cancer. What would you suggest?

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 11:56 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

My grandmother has pancreatic cancer. Surgery didn't work, chemo didn't work, and now she's trying an experimental drug but I'm not optimistic. Pancreatic cancer is one of the worst you can get, and she's 80 years old, so I think this is it. I'm flying home for a visit in a couple of weeks, but I have no idea what to do or say, since this might be the last time I see her.

We are radically different and I don't think she understands my lifestyle at all. She's a very traditional Mississippi country housewife. But I'm her only grandchild and she loves me, and I want her to know what an inspiration she is for me. She's the classiest, most gracious Southern lady I know and I hope to grow up to be just as strong and gracious as she is. I want to tell her that but I feel weird saying stuff like that out loud, and I feel like telling her all that stuff now is like telling her she's going to die soon.

Should I send her a letter or something? I want her to know she's one of my heroes but I can't figure out a non-cheesy way of getting it across or making it seem like I have no faith in her (fourth) fight against the cancer. What would you suggest?

Thats tough. Pancreatic cancer was one of the things I was terrified of being diagnosed with (thankfully it wasnt THAT bad). I'd go see her...just be there. Be whatever she wants for the few days or weeks you are there. Agree with her..make her happy. Cover your tatoo if you think it will upset her. Talk about pretty things and memories and bring up specific things she has inspired in you.

For example: insead of saying that you think shes an inspiration and all ...which is a really hard thing to say with out saying 'I wnat to say this now in case its my last chance"...Bring up a specific moment. " Grandma..I was on a movie set last week and there was this spoiled brat and I was SO happy that you taught me better then that." Something to that effect....so theres a reason you are telling her this OTHER then you think she is dying.

rozz
09-27-2007, 12:01 PM
Dear Cameron Keys,

My parent's 30+ year marriage is imploding. My father is an alcoholic asshole. He looks out for himself, and himself only. He embarasses her at any and all public functions and verbally abuses her. He hits on younger women in front of her and has threatened to leave many times.

However, that's actually not the main problem.

The main problem is the properties they own. My father recently took $6K out of the equity on the house they are living in, without asking my mother. She started to look into the other properties (rental units) and found that the most valuable property is only in his name (as he had tricked her into signing it over 22 years ago).

So, what to do. Should she: stay with him until he dies (he's in poor health, anyway. I estimate 3 years, tops) and inherit all the money, or try to get out now and be happier, if poorer, and possibly have to go back to work?

Yekhefah
09-27-2007, 12:06 PM
Oh wow, great advice, Cam. Thank you.

I'm definitely planning to wear long sleeves (funny, because the tattoo largely honors her but she wouldn't see it that way) and I'll do my hair nice and wear jewelry, she likes that. The only thing she really wants from me is a great-grandchild and I'm bummed I haven't been able to give her that, but I hope she understands.

The other thing is, I want to know more about her background but she never wants to talk about it because she grew up incredibly poor (I think she came from sharecroppers, and she had 11 brothers and sisters and her early life was hard). Is there a tactful way of asking for stories?

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 12:08 PM
The other thing is, I want to know more about her background but she never wants to talk about it because she grew up incredibly poor (I think she came from sharecroppers, and she had 11 brothers and sisters and her early life was hard). Is there a tactful way of asking for stories?

I think the direct approach wold be the best and only way to get it out of her. Just tell her that you want to know more about where and who you come from...but if she doesnt want to talk about it...you have to respect that. Her desire not to be hurt by her past will have to override your desire to know about it.

But you already know that!:)

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 12:13 PM
Dear Cameron Keys,

My parent's 30+ year marriage is imploding. My father is an alcoholic asshole. He looks out for himself, and himself only. He embarasses her at any and all public functions and verbally abuses her. He hits on younger women in front of her and has threatened to leave many times.

However, that's actually not the main problem.

The main problem is the properties they own. My father recently took $6K out of the equity on the house they are living in, without asking my mother. She started to look into the other properties (rental units) and found that the most valuable property is only in his name (as he had tricked her into signing it over 22 years ago).

So, what to do. Should she: stay with him until he dies (he's in poor health, anyway. I estimate 3 years, tops) and inherit all the money, or try to get out now and be happier, if poorer, and possibly have to go back to work?

That all depends on where they live. If they live in a community property state...whats his is hers...as long as it was aquired during the marriage. Whether it is in her name or not. (assuming they are in Massachusets...Massachusetts – Equitable Distribution State Massachusetts has a very broad definition of marital property. All property, no matter how or when acquired, is considered marital property. However, “equitable” doesn’t mean 50-50, especially in short-term marriages where property was acquired prior to the marriage. If the marital home was purchased during the marriage, the equity will probably be split 50-50, barring any unusual circumstances, such as a short-term marriage where one spouse put up all the money. )

Her best bet is to talk to a lawyer. Find out for sure what her options are so she can make an informed decision. Make copoes of anything she can get her hands on and show them to the attorney.

I usually vote for poor and happy unless there are millions at stake...but if shes put up with all that BS..to walk away empty handed wold be really unfair.

Of course..they can always separate...and not divorce. Again...talk to the lawyer...in some places once you are living apart for a certain amount of time it is grounds for divorce in and of itself. But if they can negotiate a legal separation where she will still inherit but can live free of abuse....that would be the best of both worlds

Yekhefah
09-27-2007, 12:13 PM
Yeah, I just didn't know if maybe there was a tactful way of asking for the stories. My mom's side of the family shares tons of old stories all the time, and I feel like I know several of my ancestors who died long before I was born because I've heard so much about them. My dad's parents, OTOH, won't say much about their past. I wish I knew more than I do.

Thank you!

cameron_keys
09-27-2007, 12:17 PM
Yeah, I just didn't know if maybe there was a tactful way of asking for the stories. My mom's side of the family shares tons of old stories all the time, and I feel like I know several of my ancestors who died long before I was born because I've heard so much about them. My dad's parents, OTOH, won't say much about their past. I wish I knew more than I do.

Thank you!

Maybe if you tell her THAT. That you know one half of your family SO well..and her half not at all..and how sad that makes you. NOT asking her to tell you.....just saying how sad it is that you dont know much about her side of the family history.....use that southern guilt trip!

Yekhefah
09-27-2007, 12:22 PM
Haha, Southern guilt trip! Thank you!

BalletBaby
09-28-2007, 11:59 PM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I have two predicaments that I need help with.

The first is a promise I made to my parents, and I feel awful knowing that I will probably soon be breaking that promise. I told my parents that I would stop dancing and they said they would continue supporting me. Yes, I know I am old enough to support myself, but circumstances didn't really permit that and I don't want my parents to know I'm dancing ever again. It hurts them too much. But anyways I feel this awful knawing at me because I want to get back to dancing soooooo bad but my parents mean so much to me. It's hard to explain, but dancing is kinda therapeatic to me. I'm a very painfully shy person (didn't eat first week of highschool) and it's almost impossible for me to meet new people. Dancing is the only thing I have discovered thus far where I can go up to complete strangers and strike up a conversation. Yes people still ask me if I'm shy, but it's still a lot of progress for me. I LOVE dancing. I think it's so much fun and I don't want to do anything else right now. I've tried explaining this to my parents but they just don't get it; the only people who do are my boyfriend and my therapist. I guess what I'm getting to is I :heartbeat my parents, but I also :heartbeat dancing. Yes I love my parents a billion times more, but I really unhappy in this situation and know I can't stay away from dancing.

Second thing pertaining to the whole shyness. Um, yeah. I have absolutely no idea how to meet people. And it sucks because I'm in college and this is the time to get to meet new people. I don't know how to strike up a conversation. I don't know how to keep one going. I just plain don't know how to make friends. And no one really talks to me, I guess they just don't like the shy girl. I had a 'friend' tell me once before she knew me that she thought I was snotty/ a bitch because I was so quiet. I don't want people to think of me this way. The only friends I've made so far are because another friend of mine introduced me. If people are trying to make conversation with me I'm fine after awhile, but I really want to know how to make friends in my classes.

Thanks for your time and your help,
Lonely and Confused

cameron_keys
09-29-2007, 12:25 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I have two predicaments that I need help with.

The first is a promise I made to my parents, and I feel awful knowing that I will probably soon be breaking that promise. I told my parents that I would stop dancing and they said they would continue supporting me. Yes, I know I am old enough to support myself, but circumstances didn't really permit that and I don't want my parents to know I'm dancing ever again. It hurts them too much. But anyways I feel this awful knawing at me because I want to get back to dancing soooooo bad but my parents mean so much to me. It's hard to explain, but dancing is kinda therapeatic to me. I'm a very painfully shy person (didn't eat first week of highschool) and it's almost impossible for me to meet new people. Dancing is the only thing I have discovered thus far where I can go up to complete strangers and strike up a conversation. Yes people still ask me if I'm shy, but it's still a lot of progress for me. I LOVE dancing. I think it's so much fun and I don't want to do anything else right now. I've tried explaining this to my parents but they just don't get it; the only people who do are my boyfriend and my therapist. I guess what I'm getting to is I :heartbeat my parents, but I also :heartbeat dancing. Yes I love my parents a billion times more, but I really unhappy in this situation and know I can't stay away from dancing.

Second thing pertaining to the whole shyness. Um, yeah. I have absolutely no idea how to meet people. And it sucks because I'm in college and this is the time to get to meet new people. I don't know how to strike up a conversation. I don't know how to keep one going. I just plain don't know how to make friends. And no one really talks to me, I guess they just don't like the shy girl. I had a 'friend' tell me once before she knew me that she thought I was snotty/ a bitch because I was so quiet. I don't want people to think of me this way. The only friends I've made so far are because another friend of mine introduced me. If people are trying to make conversation with me I'm fine after awhile, but I really want to know how to make friends in my classes.

Thanks for your time and your help,
Lonely and Confused

Well...is it really necessary for your parents to know everything you do? I mean..could you keep dancing without then finding out? If the answer is yes, then keep dancing. You are an adult and you need to make decisons based on what YOU feel is right. And that wont always be the same as what your parents think.

As for the rest...is their a clus or organization you could join? Knowing you have something in common with the people around you will help you break the ice!

BalletBaby
09-29-2007, 12:45 AM
Thanks Cam:) And as far as them finding out about me dancing again, I think I should be fine as long as I don't give out my home address again (D'oh!)

RoseLeigh
09-29-2007, 01:06 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I swear I'm having some sort of episode. I feel totally numb and disconnected from me. I can't focus on anything-French homework, dancing, life in general, not a thing. Some tool made like he was going to kiss my cheek tonight and fucking BIT me and I barely reacted, just sorta pushed him away. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel anything. I feel like some sort of pod has taken over my brain. Invasion of the brain snatchers. I got on stage tonight and my head just froze and I just detached. I need me back! I hate zombie-ing through life.

BalletBaby
09-29-2007, 01:14 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

OMYFUCKINGOD THERE IS A HUGE ROACH IN MY SHOWER WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!!!

ETA: nevermind, fixed it

big_daddy
09-29-2007, 08:30 AM
My wife and I are starting to communicate better. I think we are finally getting somewhere, where that is I don't know but it's better than not getting anywhere at all. It's home comming weekend here and it's a small town of 5600 people, we both are going out, she's going out with her friends I'm going out with my friends we are going to run into each other no doubt about it. What do I do? When I drink I'm a HUGE flirt and she knows it, she is too. I'm not the kinda guy that likes to fight but what I'm going through changes a man. I also would like to meet someone to hang out with or maybe even take out on a date but how do I do that knowing she will be around without hurting anyone? Some of my girlfriends tell me thats what she needs to see but I don't want her to come back over jealously. I still don't know if I'm ready for her to come back.

cameron_keys
09-29-2007, 10:39 AM
Dear Cameron Keys,

I swear I'm having some sort of episode. I feel totally numb and disconnected from me. I can't focus on anything-French homework, dancing, life in general, not a thing. Some tool made like he was going to kiss my cheek tonight and fucking BIT me and I barely reacted, just sorta pushed him away. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel anything. I feel like some sort of pod has taken over my brain. Invasion of the brain snatchers. I got on stage tonight and my head just froze and I just detached. I need me back! I hate zombie-ing through life.

If anyone needs a break honey..it's YOU. You have shut down. Do anything you can to take at least a few days to a week off. Get extra sleep...get outside...do something you love, eat all your fav foods...anything it takes to bring you alive again. Your mind went on overload and to deal..it shut down. Wake it back up!!!

cameron_keys
09-29-2007, 10:42 AM
My wife and I are starting to communicate better. I think we are finally getting somewhere, where that is I don't know but it's better than not getting anywhere at all. It's home comming weekend here and it's a small town of 5600 people, we both are going out, she's going out with her friends I'm going out with my friends we are going to run into each other no doubt about it. What do I do? When I drink I'm a HUGE flirt and she knows it, she is too. I'm not the kinda guy that likes to fight but what I'm going through changes a man. I also would like to meet someone to hang out with or maybe even take out on a date but how do I do that knowing she will be around without hurting anyone? Some of my girlfriends tell me thats what she needs to see but I don't want her to come back over jealously. I still don't know if I'm ready for her to come back.

SHe doesnt need to see it to be jealous. She needs to see that you arent crying anymore, That doesnt necessarily mean you need to date someone in front of her..only date when you are ready and you meet someone you like. What she needs to see if you having a life without her...being with your friends....out having fun...

If you see her, say hi. Be polite. Dont follow her around, dont keep an eye on her. Just say hi in passing, and go on with your night as if she isnt there. Do what YOU want.