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View Full Version : SC'ing and lying about it ..... cheating??



crazy_sexy
09-14-2007, 08:05 AM
a friend of mine has a husband that went to a club and spent $450.00 on lap dances,hid the credit card bill from her and then lied when it was discovered.i think this is cheating,he was out of town and who knows what else he has done.she deserves better than him.this was all in one night!!!!what do you think about this?just curious to see comments!!!

GenWar
09-14-2007, 09:12 AM
a friend of mine has a husband that went to a club and spent $450.00 on lap dances,hid the credit card bill from her and then lied when it was discovered.i think this is cheating,he was out of town and who knows what else he has done.she deserves better than him.this was all in one night!!!!what do you think about this?just curious to see comments!!!

Gut reaction...Take his wife off the credit card. Then she can't see the bill.

OK...so I'm in a mood. :-\

-gen

Lapaholic
09-14-2007, 12:14 PM
a friend of mine has a husband that went to a club and spent $450.00 on lap dances,hid the credit card bill from her and then lied when it was discovered.i think this is cheating,he was out of town and who knows what else he has done.she deserves better than him.this was all in one night!!!!what do you think about this?just curious to see comments!!!


I could understand how the wife may be pissed at the money spent and the lying. But mostly what happens in a SC is hardly worth breaking up what may be a perfectly good relationship. In fact, going to SCs is one way a guy can get a little fun with ladies without really getting into too much trouble.

NOw if he otherwise is a dick and is cheating - ie sleeping around OTC then yeah maybe its time for the wife to move on. But if you are equating going to a club and getting LDs with cheating then I think you are wrong!! IMHO of course ...

bem401
09-14-2007, 05:15 PM
Gee, around here the clubs all have phony business names to go on the credit card bill so that won't happen.

doc-catfish
09-14-2007, 05:40 PM
"That $450 was for an oil, lube and filter sweetie."
:)

"Okay, but it was really quality oil. They even vacuumed the interior for me. I think we should have it done again next month."
:D

"What are you doing waving that frying pan?"
:O

Lapaholic
09-14-2007, 09:03 PM
Gee, around here the clubs all have phony business names to go on the credit card bill so that won't happen.

Your right BEM ... Maybe he was ratted out.

THe real reason she was pissed was she found out how much the club charged him to use the CC. Poor bastard!!!

mr_punk
09-14-2007, 10:11 PM
i think this is cheating,he was out of town and who knows what else he has done.it's only cheating if you get caught. OTOH, if you happen to be Bill Belichick. it's not cheating. it's a misinterpretation.

Gut reaction...Take his wife off the credit card. Then she can't see the bill.busted! cash, Gen. always stick with cash.

But if you are equating going to a club and getting LDs with cheating then I think you are wrong!! IMHO of course ...no worries because 8 out of 10 civilian women and 7 out of 10 strippers (or more depending on the club's mileage and whether or not her SO is being closely monitored) will disagree.

Howie
09-15-2007, 07:08 PM
Put it on his credit card?

The dumb fuck wanted to get caught.

Stupid bastard.

yoda57us
09-16-2007, 06:19 AM
a friend of mine has a husband that went to a club and spent $450.00 on lap dances,hid the credit card bill from her and then lied when it was discovered.i think this is cheating,he was out of town and who knows what else he has done.she deserves better than him.this was all in one night!!!!what do you think about this?just curious to see comments!!!

You want to be a dancer? You're best bet would be to lose the attitude about married men spending money on strippers. If all of us married guys stopped spending in strip clubs they would be close to empty during the day and pretty slow at night as well. Like it or not, we are some of your best and generally least aggravating customers.

Sorry but as I see it this guys only crime is that he was stupid enough to get caught.

Lapaholic
09-16-2007, 04:16 PM
^^^ You r very observant Yoda - the force is strong in you!!!

Perhaps Crazy, you should tell your friend that she should budget her husband's SC money. Hell she could have the same amount for her nights outs or whatever activity she would enjoy.

So long as orifices are penetrated ... what the heck!!!

Darcy Foxx
09-17-2007, 05:58 AM
I don't think it's cheating, not at all. I do think it's pretty shitty of him to lie about it and be dishonest considering he was stupid enough to get caught. If you wanna keep it secret, that's fine, but if you get caught then I think you should at least tell the truth.

But on the other side of things... I can kinda understand the lying, considering how fucking psycho some women get about their partners going to strip clubs. Hell, if I had a crazy bitch wife like some of the ones I've seen coming into the club screaming and dragging their husbands out, I'd lie about it too.

And yeah, if you're a wannabe dancer and are opposed to married men getting LD's, be prepared to come into this industry to make no money, because I will guarantee that a large percentile of your customers will be married men.

bem401
09-17-2007, 06:23 AM
I don't think the issue is whether customers or dancers see it as cheating. The woman in question clearly saw it that way and the guy, if he didn't see it that way, at least realized how she'd see it. Otherwise he wouldn't have tried to conceal it and then lie about it. People who never set foot in a SC have this notion of it being a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah with all sorts of unspeakable things taking place. Generally speaking, what happens in a SC is pretty harmless, but try convincing an outsider of that. The guy in question should have made one of two choices: he either should have been more considerate of how his wife would react; or he should have made damn sure she never found out.

yoda57us
09-17-2007, 12:36 PM
People who never set foot in a SC have this notion of it being a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah with all sorts of unspeakable things taking place. Generally speaking, what happens in a SC is pretty harmless, but try convincing an outsider of that.

Again I say, you've never been to Cheaters...or I guess you have but didn't stay. In any event BEM while I agree with you that cheating is in the eye of the beholder, and that's really all that matters, most of the rumors people hear about strip clubs are true if you have enough cash and find the right girl.

That being said I don't think it's unusual for an SO who has been deceived to expect the worse.

Jenny
09-17-2007, 01:09 PM
See, I actually think the reason most women who have never been in a strip really hate the idea is because they really have an inflated idea of who we are. That is - they think we're a lot more special and great than we are. I've met a lot of women who, when they finally come in, are all "You guys aren't so great! Have fun, honey." (Of course, in that is a different kind of threat that they don't tend to pick up on unless there is a real and actual problem).

In terms of cheating - I do think the exchange of money does qualitatively change the "cheating" aspect. Like there is no question that if we were all doing it for free, it would be cheating. But because $20 is involved it's different. For me too - as a professional I say it isn't my responsibility to monitor someone's personal life; in a non-professional capacity, though I have strong feelings about seeing married/constructively married men.

bem401
09-17-2007, 05:32 PM
Again I say, you've never been to Cheaters...or I guess you have but didn't stay. In any event BEM while I agree with you that cheating is in the eye of the beholder, and that's really all that matters, most of the rumors people hear about strip clubs are true if you have enough cash and find the right girl.

That being said I don't think it's unusual for an SO who has been deceived to expect the worse.

You may very well be right. I only have second-hand knowledge of CH, but you know the places I go to and the girls I spend time with. Some of them get pretty close to the line, but in my experience, they don't cross it. Some people think there is actually a full-blown orgy going on non-stop in these clubs. Now that might be the case at CH, but it isn't at the two places I am most familiar with.

As to Jen's comment about the $$$ aspect making it not cheating... from the dancer's perspective I can see that. I'm not so sure the married guy would feel that way and I'd bet the wife would take no solace in the fact that not only did the husband seek out intimacy with another woman, he actually paid her for it. To my way of thinking that would be like rubbing salt in the wound.

yoda57us
09-17-2007, 07:25 PM
Some people think there is actually a full-blown orgy going on non-stop in these clubs. Now that might be the case at CH, but it isn't at the two places I am most familiar with.


I don't really think we need to turn this into a commentary on the strip clubs in RI but regardless of how you or I may choose to spend our strip club dollars Bem, I can guarantee you that there are rampant extras going on all over the city, even in your two favorite clubs, on a regular basis.

To bring this back to a more general point, my contention is that the menu is there if a guy wants to order from it. Obviously, since wives all over the world get pissed when their husbands go to strip clubs, most outsiders have a pretty good idea of what is available as well. It may not be a scene out of Caligula every night but it really doesn't have to be...

Is it cheating? Ultimately that decision rests the gal who feels she is or is not being cheated on. I certainly don't think that a dancer should worry about it.

FBR
09-17-2007, 07:32 PM
In terms of cheating - I do think the exchange of money does qualitatively change the "cheating" aspect. Like there is no question that if we were all doing it for free, it would be cheating. But because $20 is involved it's different. For me too - as a professional I say it isn't my responsibility to monitor someone's personal life; in a non-professional capacity, though I have strong feelings about seeing married/constructively married men.

Handing over money has been my rationalization. I appreciate Jenny's affirmation of that :)

FBR

xdamage
09-17-2007, 07:48 PM
Often one of the best ways to get to the heart of what people really think and feel is to move the shoes. And I'd gamble that the majority of men would see it as cheating if the shoes were on the other feet, and it was their women spending hundreds or thousands of the couples joint funds to be sexually stimulated by some younger hot guy. More so if their women were forming emotional attachments to male strippers. Of course some guys would be okay with it, while others would likely think it doesn't matter if there is penetration. They'd still see it as cheating if some younger stud is grinding his cock against his wife or GF's clit. If she is sexually turned on (as evidenced by the fact that she is paying for more of it) they wouldn't approve. Now that's how I'd gamble my money. Others could of course gamble that most guys would be fine with it. /shrug.

Related, crazy_sexy, I see you posted that you were thinking about dancing (in another thread). As a couple of other people have noted, the reality is that you'd be stripping for men (and to a far lesser degree women) who are married or in committed relationships, whose SOs don't know and don't approve. Ultimately you'll have to decide for yourself if you are comfy with this or not.

Jenny
09-17-2007, 09:00 PM
As to Jen's comment about the $$$ aspect making it not cheating... from the dancer's perspective I can see that. I'm not so sure the married guy would feel that way and I'd bet the wife would take no solace in the fact that not only did the husband seek out intimacy with another woman, he actually paid her for it. To my way of thinking that would be like rubbing salt in the wound.
Technically, what I said was it qualitatively changed the cheating aspect - that is, it is not cheating as much. And I was thinking of it from the point of view of the woman "being cheated on." While most women may not like either scenario, I seriously doubt that they would be as upset with a paid lapdance in a stripclub, as an affair - or for that matter, a free lapdance in a nightclub. At least so my intuition tells me.

GenWar
09-18-2007, 05:24 AM
Bah.

If you want to cheat, you will cheat. If you feel you need to cheat, you will cheat.

If you are loyal to your marriage and your wife, you will be.

Attendance at the strip club neither makes nor breaks either of those concepts.

It isn't about the strip club, it is about trust. I imagine a random large value credit card charge receives similar scrutiny in that household if it is clearly from Home Depot or LL Bean.

It is about trust.

-gen

bem401
09-18-2007, 05:43 AM
Technically, what I said was it qualitatively changed the cheating aspect - that is, it is not cheating as much. And I was thinking of it from the point of view of the woman "being cheated on." While most women may not like either scenario, I seriously doubt that they would be as upset with a paid lapdance in a stripclub, as an affair - or for that matter, a free lapdance in a nightclub. At least so my intuition tells me.

Let's take the full-blown affair off the table. That's a whole separate thing. This thread is about a guy who got caught dropping a bundle in a SC. To say it isn't as bad as an affair is correct, but it sort of like saying " well, it could have been worse".

Different people would react differently but I think a wife would be more upset if her husband felt a need to pay for something she provides for free, but I imagine not all would. Look at how some dancers react when a customer switches dancers. I know there is a large financial component to their anger/disappointment, but I would think there has to be a hit to one's ego as well. At least in the case of some girls.

Jenny
09-18-2007, 06:44 AM
Let's take the full-blown affair off the table. That's a whole separate thing. This thread is about a guy who got caught dropping a bundle in a SC. To say it isn't as bad as an affair is correct, but it sort of like saying " well, it could have been worse".
Well, yeah. That was my point. That there may be degrees of cheating, and that some kinds are a lot worse than others. And a lapdance, whether secret or not, would generally be considered one of the more innocuous kinds - more innocuous than the same behaviour performed for free in a different environment.


Different people would react differently but I think a wife would be more upset if her husband felt a need to pay for something she provides for free, but I imagine not all would.
Well. There you go. I don't think that is the way it would be constructed by most women. Since I've already outlined why and examples, I won't do it again. But really - I feel quite confident that most women would be less upset by their husband buying a lapdance than groping and feeling and being stimulated by a strange woman for free in a nightclub. Like I feel VERY confident about that.


Look at how some dancers react when a customer switches dancers. I know there is a large financial component to their anger/disappointment, but I would think there has to be a hit to one's ego as well. At least in the case of some girls.Well sure. But that kind of goes back to "it's a very different type of relationship." I mean there may be a hit to her ego, but not a violation of her sense of trust. I really don't think that you can compare a dancers relationship with a customer to a wife's relationship with her husband (which, when you think about it, is probably why I don't think most women would be AS angry/hurt/threatened by a paid encounter as by a free one.) Look - you can feel free to disagree. I know that sometimes disagreeing with me is much, much more important than being rational.

bem401
09-18-2007, 02:22 PM
I know that sometimes disagreeing with me is much, much more important than being rational.

Its funny, I was thinking the same thing.

I think we agree here more than we might disagree. Your reference to groping in a regular club makes sense because it might be seen as the precursor to more egregious behavior. I would also think a guy doing that might feel guiltier afterward ( if in fact he does feel guilty at all) than he would for doing a few LDs in a SC.

This much is certain : the wife isn't going to be happy either way.

xdamage
09-19-2007, 08:43 PM
If you want to cheat, you will cheat. If you feel you need to cheat, you will cheat.


I agree with this, which is why I don't sweat what my S.O. does. It's utterly pointless to worry about.

Phil-W
09-20-2007, 11:57 AM
As to whether it was cheating or not, a few more facts would be helpful.

(a) Was the $450 a large part of the disposable cash for the month or a mere drop in the ocean?

(b) Did he go to a high or a low contact club?

Drop in the ocean and low contact would seem to be a different case from large part of disposable income and high contact.

The circumstances would seem to dicate how serious the offence was...

Phil.

Passenger
09-20-2007, 01:36 PM
As to whether it was cheating or not, a few more facts would be helpful.

(a) Was the $450 a large part of the disposable cash for the month or a mere drop in the ocean?

(b) Did he go to a high or a low contact club?

Drop in the ocean and low contact would seem to be a different case from large part of disposable income and high contact.

The circumstances would seem to dicate how serious the offence was...

Phil.

Exactly!! Did he go into the club with the frame of mind that he was going to spend whatever it took to get off? Or did he just get a little carried away with the fun? It doesn't take much time at all to spend $450 in a strip club. So far as I've read into it his biggest mistake was lying to his wife, but lying doesn't necessarily equal cheating.

mr_punk
09-20-2007, 06:12 PM
most of the rumors people hear about strip clubs are true if you have enough cash and find the right girl. That being said I don't think it's unusual for an SO who has been deceived to expect the worse.which confirms a civilian's (or stripper's) worst fears about sc. still, no matter how innocuous the interaction, the notion that the other party will have a calm, rational and logical response about a subject in which most people aren't calm, logical or rational about is absurd.

The circumstances would seem to dicate how serious the offence was...ummm...no.

This much is certain : the wife isn't going to be happy either way.Yahtzee! the moral of the story is to always use cash and keep your trap shut.

Phil-W
09-21-2007, 01:40 PM
So far as I've read into it his biggest mistake was lying to his wife, but lying doesn't necessarily equal cheating.

Mistake 1 was breaking the 11th commandment - thou shalt not get caught.

Mistake 2 was lying to his wife - hope he enjoyed his night(s)on the sofa.

Lying doesn't necessarily equal cheating, but if he wanted to, good odds that if he dropped $450 he succeeded.

Clubs contain a wide spectrum of dancers ranging from those who are low contact through to those who do extras.

Phil.

Passenger
09-24-2007, 07:23 AM
Mistake 1 was breaking the 11th commandment - thou shalt not get caught.

Mistake 2 was lying to his wife - hope he enjoyed his night(s)on the sofa.

Lying doesn't necessarily equal cheating, but if he wanted to, good odds that if he dropped $450 he succeeded.

Clubs contain a wide spectrum of dancers ranging from those who are low contact through to those who do extras.

Phil.

Perhaps, but again there are too many unknows to definitively answer as to whether or not he cheated. Did he spend the $450 all on one girl, and was it the "right" girl? If so it is probable that he was getting more than a dance. It is also probable that he spread the money around a bit...stage tips, drinks for himself, dancer drinks, etc. In that case it wouldn't have taken long at all for the dollars to add up to the amount stated, and the probability that he got more than a dance is lessened.

I find it remarkably interesting that the majority seem to believe his biggest mistake was getting caught. Seems to me had the guy owned up to it in the first place, things most likely would have gone better for him...unless of course the poor schlub did in fact cheat, in which case the whole debate is pointless.

bem401
09-24-2007, 07:39 AM
Perhaps, but again there are too many unknows to definitively answer as to whether or not he cheated. Did he spend the $450 all on one girl, and was it the "right" girl? If so it is probable that he was getting more than a dance. It is also probable that he spread the money around a bit...stage tips, drinks for himself, dancer drinks, etc. In that case it wouldn't have taken long at all for the dollars to add up to the amount stated, and the probability that he got more than a dance is lessened.

I find it remarkably interesting that the majority seem to believe his biggest mistake was getting caught. Seems to me had the guy owned up to it in the first place, things most likely would have gone better for him...unless of course the poor schlub did in fact cheat, in which case the whole debate is pointless.

Whether what he did constitutes cheating or not is immaterial at this point.

Mistake #1 : he went to a SC and overspent
Mistake #2 : he put the bill on his credit card
Mistake #3 : he hid the bill and lied about it.

Nothing he can do or say now will extricate him from this predicament. He was percived to have cheated and then was deceitful and lied when he was caught. ( was his name Bill Clinton by any chance? )

And Passenger, the whole SC industry would collapse without guys who think his only mistake was getting caught, though he probably could have minimized the damage by 'fessing up right away.

Passenger
09-25-2007, 06:38 AM
And Passenger, the whole SC industry would collapse without guys who think his only mistake was getting caught, though he probably could have minimized the damage by 'fessing up right away.

Ha!! How very, very true...and as a former dancer, I am forever grateful to those guys....they made it possible for me to make a living for a long time.

Just to clarify, when I say I find it "interesting" I mean just that...it interests me. I find interesting (perhaps intriguing is a better word) that my female perspective tells me the lie was the problem vs. the male perspective that says getting caught was the problem. Tone is sometimes difficult to convey via the computer screen.

Phil-W
09-25-2007, 01:01 PM
Just to clarify, when I say I find it "interesting" I mean just that...it interests me. I find interesting (perhaps intriguing is a better word) that my female perspective tells me the lie was the problem vs. the male perspective that says getting caught was the problem.

I suspect the lie deepened the mess he was in.

He was probably in the muck and the mire for going to a strip club and not 'fessing up before her was caught. Lying about it probably deepened his wife's suspicions about waht he was up to.

Actually my male perspective also tell me that the lie was more of a problem - we all do idiot things from time to time, but generally if we 'fess up and hang our heads in shame we're forgiven a lot quicker than if we try and lie our way out of the mess.

Interestingly enough it's more difficult for a man to lie to a woman, than for a woman to lie to a man. Reason is women, on average, are more sensative to body language than men, so tend to pick up subsconsiously on the 'lie' signals earlier.

Phil.

bem401
09-25-2007, 04:12 PM
I
Interestingly enough it's more difficult for a man to lie to a woman, than for a woman to lie to a man. Reason is women, on average, are more sensative to body language than men, so tend to pick up subsconsiously on the 'lie' signals earlier.Phil.

I think you meant to say it's more difficult for a man to get away with lying, didn't you?

xdamage
09-26-2007, 07:11 AM
Ha!! How very, very true...and as a former dancer, I am forever grateful to those guys....they made it possible for me to make a living for a long time.


And yet it seems many dancers are not able to acknowledge this is the case, so +1 points for you.



Just to clarify, when I say I find it "interesting" I mean just that...it interests me. I find interesting (perhaps intriguing is a better word) that my female perspective tells me the lie was the problem vs. the male perspective that says getting caught was the problem. Tone is sometimes difficult to convey via the computer screen.

I have to admit. I'm not quite sure what's being said here either. However there is a certain degree of locker-room high-5 humor on the blue side, so I don't think it's that guys don't get this (at least most).

It's important to always consider the context. Let me give an example. When the context benefits people, they tend to behave differently. So say the context is a couple of women who are out on the town, having drinks, and telling each other their deepest secrets. In fact I sat in on one of those types of convos recently at an Atlantic City bar. The girls were drunk and ultimately were bragging about who they had cheated with, and wanted too cheat with behind their husbands backs. See in that context, that was the line of thinking that benefitted them. Now imagine a different context. Imagine that they were listening to a couple of men talking like this, and they had just been cheated on or it was a concern. You'd expect them to switch perspectives, and see it all from a different point of view.

The point is that I don't think lying vs getting caught is necessarily a female vs male perspective issue (although that may be true statistically with regards to the specific matter of cheating), but that people tend to view lying vs getting caught in terms of how they are benefitting at the moment. There are exceptions of course. People that tend to lie more then the average, and people that tend to choose honesty more then the average. But from what I've seen, there is a big group that seems to only truly care about lying vs getting caught to the degree that they are benefitting in the situation.

And as a side point, many dancers really don't care if their customers are lying as long as they are getting paid, because that's what benefits them in the moment. In fact, if every guy was honest, they'd be out of business. It's not clear at all that they really fundamentally detest lying so much as they fundamentally detest being lied too (which of course is not benefitting them).

Passenger
09-26-2007, 09:41 AM
And yet it seems many dancers are not able to acknowledge this is the case, so +1 points for you.

Woohoo!! Points for me;D



It's important to always consider the context. Let me give an example. When the context benefits people, they tend to behave differently.

I think this pretty well sums it up...it is absolutely all about context. Further evidenced by this statement.


And as a side point, many dancers really don't care if their customers are lying as long as they are getting paid, because that's what benefits them in the moment.

I suppose I always assumed my customers were lying to me on some level, but it was an even and understood exchange, and not up to me to police their relationships, habits, or lives.

xdamage
09-26-2007, 09:56 AM
I suppose I always assumed my customers were lying to me on some level, but it was an even and understood exchange, and not up to me to police their relationships, habits, or lives.

Sure, and I certainly don't expect you would police them. I'm just saying this is the human nature I've observed as the most common. I have of course met people that view lying as something so detestable that they will actively avoid situations where they profit, and then I've also seen the other extreme, those who lie and embrace it as a method to improve their outcome in life. Somewhere in the middle is the average person who acknowledges it's a less then ideal human behavior, but doesn't necessarily get upset by it except in situations where they are the one's lied too.


Again you get +1 points for acknowledging that " I suppose I always assumed my customers were lying to me on some level". Again, not everyone has the maturity to acknowledge that because it implies that the acknowledger is less then fairy-tale perfect. But I think the reality is we all are less then "perfect" to varying degrees, and we pick and choose our morale stance depending on the context as it relates to us. At least those who can acknowledge it are being honest with themselves (which is, IMHO, much more mature and realistic then living in a state of denial or unrealistic views of ourselves).

Phil-W
09-26-2007, 02:07 PM
I think you meant to say it's more difficult for a man to get away with lying, didn't you?

Sure did - the ability to decode body language better is why people talk about feminine intuition.

Phil.

mr_punk
09-29-2007, 08:25 AM
Sure did - the ability to decode body language better is why people talk about feminine intuition.i don't know about this body language theory. i've been cheating and lying to women for years and getting away with it. if women had the ability to tell if a guy has done something wrong with a glance. we'd all be in the doghouse for the next millennium.

Sh0t
09-30-2007, 05:23 PM
If you are hiding it, it's cheating.

You know it's going to upset her, but you do it anyway.