View Full Version : Eating Disorder Recovery & Support
jaizaine
10-11-2007, 08:06 PM
Yes I find certain foods triggering. Potato chips or biscuits and cheese always seem to trigger binging in me.
Do you ladies think that the reason we can consume huge amounts of these foods is because we try to limit what we eat? I try not to eat heaps of food and I think my body is just craving something and then when i start eating I just can't seem to stop.
I wish I could just eat until I felt satisfied. The problem is that after years of binging and purging I dont think eating a normal amount of food satisfies me anymore. I only feel satisfied when I have binged.
Embyr
10-11-2007, 10:56 PM
^^ i think some of us binge more physically, due to biological processes (i.e. we don't eat enough normally, so nutritional deprivation leads to a binge), or bio-psychologically... (i.e. we deprive ourselves of certain foods/categories of foods and crave them in huge amounts later). Others binge waaay more psychologically... it's the addictive aspect of the disease.... the part that's more emotion-connected... wrapped up in the stuffing down of feelings and the inability to express them through other means. I def. fall into this category, though occasionally I know I've binged because I didn't eat enough during the day.
Lola Rose
10-12-2007, 07:25 AM
^^^ i know exactly how you feel... whenever I go back home to upstate Ny I get the same way... I hope this december will be better- last time I went I ReAlly didn't do well. and it sucks, because that's the time when you want to prove to your family how well you're doing!!!! :'(
Good luck, girlie.
Lola- wow, I'm so sorry about your mom- but how AWESOme that she's made a real recovery!!! (*there is hope!!!!*) I do wonder if she still thinks about it from time to time... even after 8/9 years. You've never asked her? Thank you for sharing that, though- very cool of you.
next time I speak to her, I'll try to ask her. I usually call her on fridays, before shabbos,
iambonbon05
10-12-2007, 07:59 PM
I was really close today. Ugh. Was in the bathroom, had just eaten bad food, shower was on, roommate was watching TV...
Sometimes I think it's only a matter of time :(
mollyzmoon
10-12-2007, 09:08 PM
^^^But you didn't! Close is not terrible. Close is a victory of the will, since you pulled back from the brink. One day at a time. Just don't think in terms of the future, just think about "today..and then today...and then today". You can do it!
I had a good day...I started off badly, and I fixed it. When I got up I felt fat and stuff, so I went for a run and then decided I didn't deserve to eat before work (I worked a dayshift today, then I had to ride this evening). But somehow having a good day at work (against all odds with that crowd man)...I mean, something just happened at work. I actually felt hot. I mean, I'm still not in shape, but I was somehow cool with it. I was like "yes, these hips and curves, I am Sophia Loren on stage". It definitely translated into good money, but the important thing is I thought "how stupid am I for not eating? Now I'm hungry."
So after work I ate dinner...not the healthiest, but not a binge. I had a snack just now, and I'm done. I didn't binge and I stopped myself from the starving all day thing so I won't go crazy with food tomorrow and make myself sick again.
That never happens! I don't know. It was cool. I don't want to put all my eggs in the pills basket, but I truly think they're making a difference. I don't feel so desperado about things anymore. Moderation, man. Where's it at. So tenuous, but I think this thread is helping. Makes me more conscious of my eating behaviour.
Embyr
10-12-2007, 09:43 PM
^^ I'm so proud of you two!!!! That takes ENORMOUs will and confidence to battle an urge and win. Good for you!!!! Yes, feeling confident in your body DEfinitely helps... when I'm feeling really good physically I'm also less likely to b/p. WHen I'm feeling low, or "fat," or whatever, is when I'm most susceptible- and then it becomes REALLy hard to get out of the cycle because at this point, bulimia definitely makes me put on weight. So staying out of the cycle is a much better option... because bulimia-weight isn't healthy- just keeping a lot of the crap that I binge on. I'd rather my calories/food intake came from something healthier that I actually WANted in my body.
cameron_keys
10-13-2007, 07:16 AM
I'll admit it. I threw up twice at work yesterday. I think it was more stress then anything else since it was all acid...but I got an uncontrollable urge and had to make myself purge.
I felt better afterwards. But I'm torn. I didnt binge...so is it a relapse or was I just sick? I dont know.
iambonbon05
10-13-2007, 12:05 PM
I think a lot of people get to the point where purging becomes a comfort where a binge isn't really necessary to feel the need to purge anymore. I've talked to girls that purge water and diet soda, just to purge.
pseudomonas
10-13-2007, 02:54 PM
i've had a really rough few days.
i just want to hide in bed and forget i exist.
Embyr
10-13-2007, 03:07 PM
Me too. And i was doing so well! whenever i'm sick or hurt, it always seems to exacerbate the e.d. and i have a really tough time rebounding.
*hugs all around*
jaizaine
10-14-2007, 02:37 AM
^^ i think some of us binge more physically, due to biological processes (i.e. we don't eat enough normally, so nutritional deprivation leads to a binge), or bio-psychologically... (i.e. we deprive ourselves of certain foods/categories of foods and crave them in huge amounts later). Others binge waaay more psychologically... it's the addictive aspect of the disease.... the part that's more emotion-connected... wrapped up in the stuffing down of feelings and the inability to express them through other means. I def. fall into this category, though occasionally I know I've binged because I didn't eat enough during the day.
im not sure why i binge. i think it's mostly due to hunger because i restrict what i eat during the day. although there are times when i eat because i just want to eat a particular food that i am craving because i like the taste of it not because i am even remotely hungry.
my body is not coping with purging anymore. i used to do it pretty well but now if i do it even a small amount my whole body shakes, i get itchy red hands and feet and then the next day i have terribly swollen glands.
my body can't do it anymore. its been over 6 years. i really want to put it behind me for good.
i hope this thread allows us all to do that.
just keep thinking of that photo girls.
pseudomonas
10-14-2007, 12:10 PM
sometimes, i spread my meds out thru the day to keep me from bp'ing.
because i'm not going to throw up my birth control pills or prozac or whatever... its too expensive to.
so far its the only sure way i've found to keep myself from throwing up temporarily. i need to get back in therapy. i've wasted over half my life on this shit so far.
iambonbon05
10-14-2007, 01:42 PM
I think last night I realized I'm not in control anymore. I CAN'T bring myself to eat. Last night I sort of thought "I should fast" then the more sane part of me said "no that's stupid it'll just slow your metabolism and besides last time it ended with a Big Mac". So I go to decide what to eat since I was hungry... and I couldn't. Fuck.
cameron_keys
10-14-2007, 02:34 PM
sometimes, i spread my meds out thru the day to keep me from bp'ing.
because i'm not going to throw up my birth control pills or prozac or whatever... its too expensive to.
so far its the only sure way i've found to keep myself from throwing up temporarily. i need to get back in therapy. i've wasted over half my life on this shit so far.
I do that too. I'm sure as hell not going to throw up my meds. They are too expensive and I need them too much.
The problem comes when I get the urge in between. When enough time has passed for my meds to have absorbed, but not enough time for me to take anything else
And I def. agree with trigger foods. Anything that makes me feel guilty makes me sick so I want to get rid of it. I craved pizza today. But didnt get to keep it down. It just made me too sick.
But I actually rarely binge. I just make myself sick with guilt over anything(like 2 pieces of pizza) thats less then healthy for me. I've actually convinced myself that its better for me to not absorb it because its so unhealthy.
jasmine
10-15-2007, 07:49 AM
I'll admit it. I threw up twice at work yesterday. I think it was more stress then anything else since it was all acid...but I got an uncontrollable urge and had to make myself purge.
I felt better afterwards. But I'm torn. I didnt binge...so is it a relapse or was I just sick? I dont know.
And I def. agree with trigger foods. Anything that makes me feel guilty makes me sick so I want to get rid of it. I craved pizza today. But didnt get to keep it down. It just made me too sick.
But I actually rarely binge. I just make myself sick with guilt over anything(like 2 pieces of pizza) thats less then healthy for me. I've actually convinced myself that its better for me to not absorb it because its so unhealthy.
Having the urge makes it sound like a purge, but a mild stomache flu is going around right now. The nothing but acid thing kinda points to that. Was it an urge to purge so you would feel better, or caused by nausea?
The purging when you have eaten no more than normal can be a sign that your bulimia is fairly severe at the moment. (This is according to my ex-therapist though, who was the most self-righteous fat lady I've ever met.)
Personally, I think this demon we all deal with comes and goes in cycles of severity. Every bulimic I've spoken with agrees that at times it is impossible to keep down more than a few cals a day, at other times it takes a large binge to trigger. I wish to god there was an easy fix, but I guess we all just take it day to day.
The stories of people who have stayed in recovery for years are inspiring. Sometimes it seems impossible to fight I've seen so many who never seem to recover. I just have to remind myself that if you are determined you can do anything.
I'm proud of everyone on this thread for the courage it takes to talk about something so personal.
Jasmine
cameron_keys
10-15-2007, 08:37 AM
Having the urge makes it sound like a purge, but a mild stomache flu is going around right now. The nothing but acid thing kinda points to that. Was it an urge to purge so you would feel better, or caused by nausea?
It was both. I felt nauseas and just KNEW that the only way to feel better was to puke. It happens from time to time...my stomach fills with acid and I HAVE to get it out to feel better.
mollyzmoon
10-15-2007, 09:19 AM
I was so good on the weekend until last night. Not getting any sleep for two days leaves me vulnerable. If I'm exhausted I have to remind myself to sleep and not go to the kitchen. I get overwhelmed by stuff and then stuff carbs down my throat. Yuck. I felt sick and awful all night as a result. But back to the good fight today. I think setting specific meal times and adhering to those really helps.
Lola Rose
10-16-2007, 06:43 AM
she said she thinks about it often, like 3-5x a week, but it no longer controls her. she said it used to be more, but over time the thoughts fade..... she said she mostly thinks about it when she prays, a lot of jewish prayers have to do with health, and that's sometimes a reminder, and it makes her very thankful.
jaizaine
10-17-2007, 09:00 AM
Have any of you ladies ever had problems with BC due to either purging or laxative abuse? I always wonder if I have definately absorbed my BC. I no longer abuse laxatives but I sometimes purge, but if i have taken my BC in the morning and don't purge til night I suppose it wont have any effect.
I binged on mcdonalds tonight and then purged. that is one food that i dont think I will ever be able to eat without purging. I makes me feel physically disgusting to eat it - and the same goes for any equivalent fast food. My bf got it, he can eat whatever he wants and he remains skinny. I ate it and immediately purged. I knew what I was doing yet I felt really hungry and could not say no to the temptation.
I feel bad for writing this here but I felt really good afterwards. It was like it relieved all my stress. I have an essay due on friday so now I definately see a connection with stress from uni and b&p. I need to find a more healthy way to deal with the stress. Any ideas?
iambonbon05
10-17-2007, 02:33 PM
I binged last night :(
As far as bc goes, I think food takes about three hours to clear out of your stomach so if you're taking meds in the morning and purging at night you should still be okay. Maybe just in case you should switch to a patch or shot or ring though?
zxcire
10-17-2007, 02:50 PM
Remember too regarding oral medications: in bulimic people gastric emptying can be delayed by hours, so it can take a lot longer for pills to clear the system.
Embyr
10-17-2007, 03:12 PM
I have never taken BC because I was always told that the bulimia would fuck with the hormones... plus I don't like the idea of messing w/ hormones anyway, but that's another story.
This birthday thing is making me binge and purge myself into oblivion... I do this every year... I have no idea why. This year is particularly awful because I have no guy in my life (first year ever), some key friends are forgetting my fucking birthday, I'm not seeing my family, all my plans fell through, and... yeah. I'm depressed beyond belief. I can't wait til it's over. I'm going to request to work nightshift tonigh and tomorrow so I can avoid the entire occasion. fuck me.
iambonbon05
10-17-2007, 04:22 PM
:hug: Birthdays always end up being a disappointment for me, too. It's strange.
jaizaine
10-17-2007, 11:53 PM
Ok Embyr I am going to give u a suggestion here.
I have never binged and purged on my birthday or christmas day.
The reason for this is because I gave myself those days off from b&p, like a holiday. For as long as ive had the illness i have done this.
I thought that everyone deserves to eat some naughty foods on those days so I have always done so.
It's you birthday, take the day off from b&p and enjoy some nice treats.
Circe
10-18-2007, 07:35 AM
If I were purging on a regular basis and wanted birth control, I would look into the Nuva Ring. It works like oral contraceptives, but you insert it into the vagina once a month and it releases the hormones from there.
My ED started around 17 and lasted for a year. Though I'm not sure what I had can be specifically classifed as bulimia because I was not purging as often as you'd need to be to be diganosed. Probably more in the EDNOS classification.
My teeth were fine, I only ended losing about 25 lbs and my menses were normal. But I was eating maybe 1/2 of what the average person should eat and binging onc or twice a week or so, then purging.
From 18-21 (where I'm at now) I still purged, but it was more like a few times a year rather than a few times a month.
It's horrible that there's such a stigma surrounding this and things like SI; I mean, it's horribly destructive but you get the special crazy treatment moreso than say, someone who copes via drugs and alcohol, even though these can be as destructive albeit more socially acceptable.
Embyr
10-18-2007, 08:01 AM
Ok Embyr I am going to give u a suggestion here.
I have never binged and purged on my birthday or christmas day.
The reason for this is because I gave myself those days off from b&p, like a holiday. For as long as ive had the illness i have done this.
I thought that everyone deserves to eat some naughty foods on those days so I have always done so.
It's you birthday, take the day off from b&p and enjoy some nice treats.
that's a good idea & i can see how it would work if the bingeing were actually about food... as it is, food has nothing to do with it. i live alone, there's no friends or family taking me out, there's no cake, nothing. no food pressure this year. it's the pure psychological pressure i put on myself that a "birthday" means "must do something insanely cool." which is kinda bs.... i dunno. either way i've been totally flipping out over what to do. i was GOING to to ten million different things last night- even went to the gym, felt good, came home and was about to shower and get all gussied up to go out and broach the world... nope. food and the laptop seemed MUCH less intimidating. *sigh* today will be better. thanks for the inspiring words, though. ;)
jaizaine
10-18-2007, 11:22 PM
:'( i get in moods like that too. I kept eating last night even tho I wasn't hungry. I need to be distracted. That's the good thing abotu work i dont have time to sit around and eat. I have to eat purely for energy.
Darcy Foxx
10-19-2007, 01:20 AM
i get a very strong urge to purge quite often, but am emetophobic so have NEVER been able to. i've sat next to the toilet crying and sticking my fingers down my throat countless times, but nothing comes out, because the emetophobia is too much of a mental mind block. sometimes i wonder if my emetophobia is caused by the subconscious knowledge that if i was physically and mentally capable of vomiting, i'd absolutely be bulimic for certain. maybe it's my body's way of not allowing that to happen.
i guess i tend to associate more with the anorexic side of things, but i've never been bad enough to be hospitalized. i sometimes go days without eating, but then i'll go back to normal, so i'm more of a yo-yo kind of person, and it depends entirely on other factors in my life.
my big thing was the diet drugs though, and i damn near killed myself with them. i'm sure some of you remember my clenbuterol overdose incident, where i'm actually pretty certain i came close to having some kind of heart attack.
the urge to swallow diet drugs is still there, and it's very strong, but i'm way too scared to touch them anymore. i had to get all the diet drugs out of my house to remove the temptation.
i stopped writing about my weight problems on SW, mostly because people would generally attack me with "but you're not fat!", but the problems are still there, and they still consume a fair bit of my life.
Embyr
10-19-2007, 11:29 AM
^^ darcy- here is a safe place if you need to vent/talk/get support. sounds like ednos to me... you don't have to be expressly anorexic or bulimic to have an eating disorder. we take you seriously, won't judge you, understand what you're doing through and empathize. *hugs* glad you posted!! please feel free whenever you need. ;)
i didn't b/p on my b-day! yay! i guess i was too busy! thank god something worked.
mollyzmoon
10-19-2007, 11:52 AM
I'm glad you had a happy and healthy birthday Embyr! Hooray!
Darcy, I've always really sympathised with your situation...I feel very similarly. I'm doing my best to work on being healthy now...trying to slowly get my body into healthy shape...slim enough not to hate it, but still within reason for my body type. I have big tits and lovehandles. It's more or less god's will at this point. I can keep myself in good shape, but I can't drastically change my shape without suffering miserable food-behaviour consequences.
That said...I had a so-so week. Binged last night, but other than that...I agree with Jazaine...somehow going to work evens me out (for me it's cuz binging makes me too sick to move, so I can't work...and when I get home from work, I generally feel tired but productive, so I pass right out).
Bad news is when I replace eating with smoking...My ibs actually makes me afraid to eat sometimes...so afraid to get sick. I can't trust myself to digest properly, so I eat nothing all day until I get home from work, where it's safe to eat. Then I smoke to give myself enough energy...then I feel like shit. Bad for the metabolism too. I don't know how to conquer my ibs fears...Still working on that one.
Darcy Foxx
10-19-2007, 11:37 PM
it's strange, but i find my eating habits get worse at work. i don't really eat much at all during the day... then i get to work and buy potato chips and chocolate and order in pizza. i starve myself all day, then fucking pig out at work. then i feel depressed and don't do any work, but i seem to have no willpower to not get food at work.
Embyr
10-19-2007, 11:51 PM
^^^ wow... i am the EXact opposite... perhaps because i work day?? I usually eat a small brunch-ish thing before work, bring a power bar, get off at 6 pm, and then i'm STARVING and need a release from work-stress... and zoom the fuck home and binge and purge. being AT work, though, is the only time i have a break from the e/d. maybe that's one of the reasons i feel so comfortable there... my club, no matter what, has always seemed 'safe' to me. perhaps because my eating disorder doesn't come through the door with me.
Darcy Foxx
10-20-2007, 02:36 AM
i think my reason for eating at work is probably some subconscious fear of speaking to customers, because i guess my head thinks if i eat, at least then i have a reason to not talk to anyone cos i'm too fat to get dances anyway.
cameron_keys
10-24-2007, 10:43 AM
I need help. Lately about half the time...when I eat..no matter what it is..I get violently sick and have to throw up. My Dr. thinks it is a buildup of acid in my stomach and put me on Prilosec(MORE pills...fucking great). I think a lot of it is due to stress(and he does to and put me on anti anxiety meds I posted about in BB).
Hubby thinks I am subconciously doing it to myself because I'm freaking out that I'm not only not losing weight..I'm GAINING.
There has been a LOT of stress in my life lately ...big stuff..money, death,illness....
What do you guys think? Is it just ALL the stress thats screwing with my body? Or am I subconciously becoming bulemic again?? I SWEAR I'm not doing it on purpose....but when I feel that sick...I KNOW that I will not feel any better until I get whatever is in my stomach makng me feel that way out.
This sucks. My glands ares wollen.... my throat is sore.....and I feel like a failure..
I was doing so well for SO long(I havent been full blown ED since college..and even back then I was never bad enough to be hospitalized. I was always borderline). I have had occassional recurrances...but never anything really worth worrying about.
And now....I cant stop.
Help.
zxcire
10-24-2007, 03:03 PM
I need help. Lately about half the time...when I eat..no matter what it is..I get violently sick and have to throw up. My Dr. thinks it is a buildup of acid in my stomach and put me on Prilosec(MORE pills...fucking great). I think a lot of it is due to stress(and he does to and put me on anti anxiety meds I posted about in BB).
Hubby thinks I am subconciously doing it to myself because I'm freaking out that I'm not only not losing weight..I'm GAINING.
There has been a LOT of stress in my life lately ...big stuff..money, death,illness....
What do you guys think? Is it just ALL the stress thats screwing with my body? Or am I subconciously becoming bulemic again?? I SWEAR I'm not doing it on purpose....but when I feel that sick...I KNOW that I will not feel any better until I get whatever is in my stomach makng me feel that way out.
This sucks. My glands ares wollen.... my throat is sore.....and I feel like a failure..
I was doing so well for SO long(I havent been full blown ED since college..and even back then I was never bad enough to be hospitalized. I was always borderline). I have had occassional recurrances...but never anything really worth worrying about.
And now....I cant stop.
Help.
Cameron
I won't even pretend I have the answer or am an expert or doctor or anything...but I do have a question for you:
When you vomit after you eat and feel nauseous, you say you know you won't feel better until it's out.
Do you feel better physically, mentally, both? What I'm getting at is that I fully believe I used to trick my body into feeling sick to justify my purging.
I think an important distinction between "regular" stress causing this or "ed related stress" is in the outcome...if there is a psychological lessening of tension when you purge, it's likely ed related, if just physical it might not be?
Stress can cause our bodies to function differently, and it can also exacerbate an ed.
does that make sense? I'm not sure if I'm saying it right.
SarahSynn
10-24-2007, 03:15 PM
This thread is a wonderful idea and i've been debating about posting because i'm not quite sure what my problem is. I can't remember the last time I finished a full meal and sometimes go days without eating. Then of course I will binge because my body is in starvation mode and I feel worse and stop eating again. I never try and purge, but sometimes my stomach rejects the food. I feel dizzy and my tummy hurts and eventually throw up. That has only happened a handful of times and I suspect is had something to do with all the acid in my system.
I'm not really worried about my weight perse, but i'm not hungry most of the time. When I do finally eat the food taste so nasty that I just don't even bother most of the time.
cameron_keys
10-24-2007, 03:19 PM
Do you feel better physically, mentally, both? What I'm getting at is that I fully believe I used to trick my body into feeling sick to justify my purging.
.
Thats exactly what I'm worried about.
As for physical vs. emotional....I think its a combination of both....
zxcire
10-24-2007, 07:11 PM
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
I went to the dentist for the first time in forever...and found I have no cavities, no enamel erosion, and no other damage from my eating disorder.
The dentist actually told me that if I hadn't told him about my bulimia he wouldn't have been able to tell from my mouth, which is amazing considering I used to purge up to 20 times daily for a couple years.
I thank my parents for the good teeth genes.
This is a huge weight off my shoulders though. I was really scared to go. I'm still amazed at my body's resiliency after all I put it thru with drugs and alcohol and e.d.
Darcy Foxx
10-26-2007, 09:06 PM
That's great news, zxcire! I'm very pleased for you :)
I've not been eating at all lately. I had some pizza at work last night because I was really hung over and needed something in my stomach, but apart from that I'd not really eaten a thing for 2 days. The days before that for about a week, my diet has consisted entirely of meal replacement shakes, vitamin pills, Tonalin, and the occasional Lean Cuisine.
I'm a bit concerned, because at the moment I don't feel psycho obsessed about weight. I'm not thinking about food, I'm not counting calories, I just have no desire to eat because I like that I've lost some weight. I feel very 'matter-of-fact' about the whole thing and that's what scares me, because usually I go a little bit nuts. Right now I just feel.... at peace, in regards to my lack of eating.
Does that make sense?
jaizaine
10-28-2007, 10:23 PM
Cameron it definately could be due to stress. It would prob be worth having a full medical exam just to be sure but stress could absolutely do it.
Darcy I know what you mean about being frustrated when people say "but you aren't fat". It's the same when I was very thin from my bulimia and people thought that saying I looked - unhealthy, too skinny, sick, anorexic would stop me from doing it but it did the exact opposite. I used to thrive on being told that stuff and it would actually encourage me more to shock people with my boniness.
I also suffer from fear of talking to customers. I have been far to reliant on my regulars lately and I will find myself hiding out in the dressing room until they come to the club coz I am terrified of talking to customers. Im even nervous when they approach me coz I dont know what to talk about. I hate this shit and want to change it.
cameron_keys
10-29-2007, 01:48 PM
Cameron it definately could be due to stress. It would prob be worth having a full medical exam just to be sure but stress could absolutely do it.
Oh I'm at the Dr more then anyone I know! I'm on meds now for stress...but one of the side effects is anorexia. I ate a little yesterday and today because I ddnt take it...but I didnt eat anything for days before that. Just the thought of food was so vile to me.
head turner
10-30-2007, 12:10 AM
I need help. Lately about half the time...when I eat..no matter what it is..I get violently sick and have to throw up. My Dr. thinks it is a buildup of acid in my stomach and put me on Prilosec(MORE pills...fucking great). I think a lot of it is due to stress(and he does to and put me on anti anxiety meds I posted about in BB).
Hubby thinks I am subconciously doing it to myself because I'm freaking out that I'm not only not losing weight..I'm GAINING.
There has been a LOT of stress in my life lately ...big stuff..money, death,illness....
What do you guys think? Is it just ALL the stress thats screwing with my body? Or am I subconciously becoming bulemic again?? I SWEAR I'm not doing it on purpose....but when I feel that sick...I KNOW that I will not feel any better until I get whatever is in my stomach makng me feel that way out.
This sucks. My glands ares wollen.... my throat is sore.....and I feel like a failure..
I was doing so well for SO long(I havent been full blown ED since college..and even back then I was never bad enough to be hospitalized. I was always borderline). I have had occassional recurrances...but never anything really worth worrying about.
And now....I cant stop.
Help.
Honestly, I think reading about the Ed threads are somewhat of a trigger for anyone who is recovering from the disease.
Here i am reading but that is besides the point. I try to stay out anyway. But i will say the first time i started reading this thread i had some urges. They will always be there from time to time but the less i am involved with other's illnesses the better i do, unfortunately. As much as i wish i could save everyone it always messes with me mentally when i read about the thought processes of others with ed's. Same of the same thoughts that went through my head on a daily basis years ago.
What keeps me from giving in is my loss of life. I lost years because i was so consumed with the disease and just the thought of falling into that same cycle scares me straight.
I don't know what to say other then maybe you should make an appointment with a psychologist and try to get to the root of this problem before it becomes a cycle again like you had in college.
If you binge and purge you wont be getting the meds you need and you may go downhill fast. Understand also that if you are gaining weight, it may be because of the binge purge cycle. When i was bulimic i was 10 pounds more than i am now eating healthy and approx 2000 calories a day. You can never really cleanse yourself of everything you ate.
I hope the best for you and everyone in this thread.
cameron_keys
10-30-2007, 08:16 AM
^^I never binge though. I never did. I just feel the urge to purge after i eat normally.
PookaShell
10-30-2007, 12:13 PM
I've been toying with the idea of posting in this thread, because it is a really good thread, especially with the rules to make sure there aren't triggers. I'm just skeptical whether my eating disordered behavior qualifies me to post, yanno? My conditions aren't as serious as some of the ones I have read about on here, but since I was 13 I've been obsessed with my body and weight and on and off since then I go into psycho mode. I had been really good for a while but the past month I haven't been. I weight myself up to 6 times a day, measure myself every morning, and have been only eating every third day and the same small meal then. I had never really had bullimic tendencies until the other day - I took ONE bite of yogurt outside of the small meal I was allowed that day and felt like I couldn't possibly live out the rest of the day with that bite of yogurt in my stomach and made myself throw up. I guess that sort of triggered that my thoughts aren't really normal....I don't know though. I feel like I'm not skinny enough or sick enough to qualify as eating disordered...just sort of....have some eating disordered behaviors and thoughts - does that make sense?
Darcy Foxx
10-30-2007, 08:01 PM
*hugs pooka*
Sounds like you're very similar to me. We have ED behaviours and thought patterns, but aren't specifically categorized as extreme bulimic or anorexic.
I still haven't been eating much. I kinda like how skinny my stomach is looking. I ate some sushi yesterday, and a tiny bit of sweet & sour chicken, but that was all. Today I've had a protein shake. I don't think I'll eat anything else tonight though. Yesterday I took a fucking heap of Tonalin and started feeling really ill at work. My heart was racing so fast, but I'm not sure if that was me having an anxiety attack because I was worried I'd had too much Tonalin, or if I really did take waaay too much.
Circe
10-31-2007, 03:36 PM
Well, you know there is EDNOS-Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified.
Meaning you don't qualify as a bulimic or anorexic, but have ED behaviours.
Such as:
* A person who severely restricts food intake but is not yet underweight by DSM-IV standards
* A female who meets all other criteria for anorexia but continues to have regular menstrual periods.
* A person who regularly binges WITHOUT engaging in inappropriate compensatory behaviors such as purging (also known as binge eating disorder).
* Someone who binges and purges but does not meet the frequency or duration requirements for a diagnosis of bulimia
* Someone who regularly purges after eating regular amounts of food, but is not yet "clinically underweight."
* Someone who regularly chews food and spits it out without swallowing, but does not meet the criteria for either bulimia or anorexia.
* Any individual who is recovering from or just about to enter one of the "specified" eating disorders.
flickad
11-01-2007, 12:58 AM
I've been toying with the idea of posting in this thread, because it is a really good thread, especially with the rules to make sure there aren't triggers. I'm just skeptical whether my eating disordered behavior qualifies me to post, yanno? My conditions aren't as serious as some of the ones I have read about on here, but since I was 13 I've been obsessed with my body and weight and on and off since then I go into psycho mode. I had been really good for a while but the past month I haven't been. I weight myself up to 6 times a day, measure myself every morning, and have been only eating every third day and the same small meal then. I had never really had bullimic tendencies until the other day - I took ONE bite of yogurt outside of the small meal I was allowed that day and felt like I couldn't possibly live out the rest of the day with that bite of yogurt in my stomach and made myself throw up. I guess that sort of triggered that my thoughts aren't really normal....I don't know though. I feel like I'm not skinny enough or sick enough to qualify as eating disordered...just sort of....have some eating disordered behaviors and thoughts - does that make sense?
Sounds like ED-NOS to me.
flickad
11-01-2007, 01:05 AM
Well, you know there is EDNOS-Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified.
Meaning you don't qualify as a bulimic or anorexic, but have ED behaviours.
Such as:
* A person who severely restricts food intake but is not yet underweight by DSM-IV standards
* A female who meets all other criteria for anorexia but continues to have regular menstrual periods.
* A person who regularly binges WITHOUT engaging in inappropriate compensatory behaviors such as purging (also known as binge eating disorder).
* Someone who binges and purges but does not meet the frequency or duration requirements for a diagnosis of bulimia
* Someone who regularly purges after eating regular amounts of food, but is not yet "clinically underweight."
* Someone who regularly chews food and spits it out without swallowing, but does not meet the criteria for either bulimia or anorexia.
* Any individual who is recovering from or just about to enter one of the "specified" eating disorders.
Yah, you pre-empted me.
ED-NOS is probably the most common ED.
Embyr
11-01-2007, 03:13 AM
Oh.. wow... i took too long in getting to both pooka and darcy's comments and both of you got there first!! yeah, although it isn't discussed as much and doesn't get as much press as bulimia and anorexia, EDNOS encompasses SUCH a broad range of possibilities.... thank you both for highlighting some!!! don't think that just because you aren't so easily categorized that your disorder doesn't matter, doesn't count, or isn't recognized. there is also purging disorder, which sounds to me like what cameron has. less common than a/b/ednos, but also very real and equally deserving of attention.
we all deserve to be here, we all have the right to post.
however, I am going to ask one favor that goes along the lines of the original guidelines... can we please not keep 'food logs' here? Saying "I feel like I ate too much today" is not the same as saying "I overate today. My fat ass ate a quart of pumpkin ice cream, two bagels, a box of crackers with cheese, three pieces of fruit (blah blah blah you get the point. I'm just using this as an example... it could also be what 'little' food someone has eaten... which I honestly find to be even more triggering.) Why do we not need to know? 1.) It doesn't matter. We're here to support each other, not to meal-monitor. 2.) It's not a competition 3.) Posting food fosters that inherent drive to compete.... we are trying to get rid of that.
back to your regularly scheduled programming... ;)
mollyzmoon
11-01-2007, 07:49 AM
Regarding ED-NOS-- I think this is all I've ever had. Even when my doctor accused me of anorexia (which she thought she'd fix by telling me 'you're thin! see the chart? now don't skip meals...you're fine'...wow, thanks! fixed!!)...even then, I was still very cyclical about my eating habits, I just happened to be very thin.
So now I'm not thin, but I'm still stuck with stupid habits. I think certain behaviours may not be as bad physically, but they can still wreck you psychologically. As far as I'm concerned, being more obsessed about my body than I am about friends, boyfriends, etc...This is trouble. Staying in the house and being sad because I feel like an ugly cow is retarded, but there it is.
Pooka & Darcy, et al. I hope you're feeling better and I hope it helps to discuss here. Being concious of what one does is very important...being aware that things are problematic is a good way to start getting better.
Anyways, I only binged once so far this week...I came back from a trip, on which I didn't eat because my skinny-ass friend was with me. She really likes to talk about how much weight she's lost, she makes a show of not eating, etc. She's messed up too and I find it very hard to hold it together when we hand out. But otherwise, I've been keeping myself busy doing happy things. I think it helps. I bounced back from that minor setback...I had a little cancer scare yesterday, but it turns out the original test was an overestimation... and then I felt bad for smoking so much, eating bad food. One thing at a time I guess. It just sucks because the instant I'm stressed (I think as Jazaine said), this is the thing I reach for. Ugh.