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Smokeless
10-06-2007, 10:01 AM
I've been out of town for a month. Recently I've been trying to reconnect with a couple of dancers, including my ATF, leaving phone messages to check their club schedules. This morning got a call in response to one of those calls, her old boy friend calling to let me know that she had died of a drug overdose.

Ms. A. was an athletic, energetic, inventive dancer, always friendly, and always fun to be with. Beautiful, sexy, and full of life. Occasionally, I'd find that she'd had one or two too many drinks at the club. We talked after she had moved, and she explained that she was trying to escape her "fun" loving roommates. Apparently, she got involved in the wrong crowd. Last time I saw her, she was really out of it, quite morose and sad. I didn't suspect the depth of the problem. I tried to comfort her and left for the evening.

'Tis really sad. I've seen a few other dancers come and go there after apparently getting involved in some sort of substance abuse. But none of them died that I know of until now.

I'll miss you Ms. A. You're in a better place now.

doc-catfish
10-06-2007, 10:09 AM
:'( Wow, thats quite a jolt. I don't know what else to say other than to give my condolences.

Katrine
10-06-2007, 01:05 PM
I'm really sorry for your , and to her family. At one point, it could have been my reality too.

Smokeless
10-07-2007, 12:32 PM
I'm not sure her family -- or at least her parents -- ever knew what she was doing, dancing or otherwise. From what I know of her, she came from a rather conservative community. When she told me of visits home because of a family member's illness, I suggested some locations where she could work close to home. However, she never took them up because she didn't want them to find out. It wasn't SS, because everything I've learned since merely confirms what she told me. This was a lousy way for them to find out. I feel sympathy for them, and need to learn what is appropriate to do by way of a sympathy message.

RoseWhite
10-07-2007, 03:11 PM
I'm sorry to hear that. May she rest in peace.

SportsWriter2
10-08-2007, 08:37 AM
Last time I saw her, she was really out of it, quite morose and sad. I didn't suspect the depth of the problem. I tried to comfort her and left for the evening.
I went to the funeral of a dancer I liked. Bright, pretty, in school. One day she started popping pills from a mixed bag. I had no clue, but you always wonder whether you could have done something that would have made a difference. :-\

FBR
10-08-2007, 09:29 PM
Wow. Smokeless, I am truly sorry. I can't imagine. It has to be difficult as hell to work thru the loss.

This is your thread. And we are here to help you any way we can.

FBR

Smokeless
10-08-2007, 10:33 PM
The toughest part is not being able to share this with any "regular" friends. I liked Ms. A. a lot. Fortunately, I wasn't attached. We only met ITC. But she always ran up to greet me and give me a big hug when I'd walk in. She'd always say how much my visit made the day for her, regardless of how much I spent. She typically worked days, and there was a period during which I could visit almost weekly. The skeptic in me, especially after reading lots of stories here, would sometimes wonder whether it was merely marketing or saleswomanship. But, no, Ms. A. was thoroughly authentic. That was the way she was, even the way she danced. Which is why I was concerned that last visit. But, no, Sports, I couldn't do anything. I wish I could. She wasn't available OTC, even for supporting her. I could only comfort her during my visits, which recently had been infrequent, and stopped completely during September.

Thanks all, especially for her thoughts on her behalf.

SportsWriter2
10-09-2007, 12:03 PM
But she always ran up to greet me and give me a big hug when I'd walk in. She'd always say how much my visit made the day for her, regardless of how much I spent.
There are caring dancers with real feelings in clubs. Sometimes they're lonely and vulnerable people. There's not much anyone can do ITC without sounding preachy. :-\

Phil-W
10-09-2007, 03:14 PM
...We only met ITC. But she always ran up to greet me and give me a big hug when I'd walk in. She'd always say how much my visit made the day for her, regardless of how much I spent... The skeptic in me, especially after reading lots of stories here, would sometimes wonder whether it was merely marketing or saleswomanship...

She may well have liked you as a customer/friend. One dancer I knew had a sliding scale that ran:

Customer --> Customer/Friend --> Friend.

Customers were exactly that - people that came into the club, spent money on her, and which she promptly forgot about.

Customer/Friends were people whose company she enjoyed while working.

Friends were people she wanted to see outside the club - I believe there were very few of those.

Most dancers seem to find a limited number of Customer/Friends - people that they could relax with while working. Means they can have a drink, chat, and maybe earn some money without worrying about the customer wanting to stray outside her customer zone. Makes the day go faster and more pleasantly for the dancer.

And if that was the case with you, she very probably did enjoy your presence in the club.

I doubt you could have done very much as a friend OTC. Sounds like this dancer unfortuately had some deep seated problems. If she didn't open up to her friends and ask for help there's probably very little you could have done either.

It would have taken a lot of time for her to build up the trust OTC to really confide all of her problems to you, and it looks like the final problem happened quickly.

From what you've said, she had only kind feelings for you, so you at least she probably remembered with a smile.

Sorry...

Phil.

WiseGuy_TX
10-09-2007, 04:44 PM
...smokeless, have you confirmed her death by other means/dancers, etc... I'd hate for you to feel depressed if it was really some kind of prank.

Smokeless
10-09-2007, 08:59 PM
...smokeless, have you confirmed her death by other means/dancers, etc... I'd hate for you to feel depressed if it was really some kind of prank.

There was an obit with a picture in the local paper. This is no prank.

I'm not depressed. Just sad,and mainly sad for her family, who were probably shocked at what they learned too late to do anything about it.

Sophia_Starina
10-11-2007, 09:42 AM
That is truly sad, Smokeless. I'm sorry for your loss.

Casual Observer
10-11-2007, 06:10 PM
That sucks. And a completely avoidable stereotype.

CarGuy
11-27-2007, 03:53 PM
Well it's been awhile since i have been on SW. This post kind of hit a nerve. Three dancers from local clubs, two of which I knew (not my favs.) have passed on. Two car accidents and one OD. Left behind are some sad little kiddies. It has been since July since i have been in a club. My ATF, since retired has become a close friend...but I worry about her as well...lots of pill popping these days.

Sorry for the news.

Lola Rose
11-28-2007, 02:52 PM
:hug: I'm sorry. It's so sad when something like this happens to someone really sweet and caring. There aren't that many genuine people left any more i think.

jt777
12-03-2007, 02:10 AM
that sucks when your ATF passes away. Makes me want to give my ATF a big hug the next time i see her and tell her that i appreciate her for all the good times that i have had with her so far and that she really brightens up my day whenever i am with her.

threlayer
01-09-2008, 10:55 AM
Tell this story to other dancers you become friendly with,and use her name. Maybe it will caution them from doing the drugs too. But I doubt it. It's rampant in the age class and esp in the business.

AznExtasy
01-09-2008, 12:05 PM
Sorry to hear this, I'm sad. :(

VegasPrincess
01-09-2008, 06:41 PM
That;s so awful I am so sorry :( I think it would be appropriate if you sent the family a card with a donation to charity, maybe a foundation for troubled youth, in her name. Just sign your first name. Sorry so much.

Snappa
01-14-2008, 05:31 AM
Sad story, man. I feel your pain. Have had a few friends in the biz who aren't around anymore. My current ATF has luckily made it through a lot of that shit, but I constantly worry about her back-sliding. It's way too easy and too available in the lifestyle.